Paul's Thursday Reviews CCLXX · 9:21pm Oct 28th, 2021
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Whelp, I fell into the video game trap again. It’s a very easy trap to fall into. I’ve been playing Final Fantasy XV, World of Final Fantasy, and Way of the Samurai 4 (one of these things is not like the others). And given my desire to 100% complete these games, I’ve been at all three of them for about two months now. But y’know, it didn’t feel all that bad.
Then I took a look at my Steam profile and saw exactly how much game time I’ve been racking up on them in the last two weeks. It was quite the eye opener. Now I face the task of cutting back so I can do more of the things I’m supposed to be doing, namely writing.
The good news is that I’m heading off to my parents’ place next week to house-sit while they’re on vacation. I’m not bringing my massive desktop and all its assorted parts, which leaves the ancient laptop I keep at their place. Odds are I won’t be doing much gaming. It may be exactly the “detox” I need. And old as the laptop may be, it’s still perfectly suitable for writing.
Fingers crossed I come back in November a more productive man.
Shall we get to the reviews?
Stories for This Week:
The Paladin of Prismatic Light by Keeper of time RD
The Resurrectionists by Captain_Hairball
Just Another Delivery by Sorren
They're Never Coming Back by Flashgen
Chaos;Pink by TheEveryDaySparkle
Total Word Count: 143,320
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
The Paladin of Prismatic Light
77,930 Words
By Keeper of time RD
Rainbow Dash was having a fairly normal, uneventful day. Then she looks up and spots another pegasus being dragged by a rope through a giant magic portal in the sky. She does what comes natural to her and tries to save the day, which of course leads to the both of them on the other side, trapped in a new, dark world. If Rainbow wants to get back home, she’ll have to figure out who this ‘Summoner’ pony is and why she’s been kidnapping pegasi from Equestria.
This is an exceedingly simple tale. To be specific, it’s the “hero goes to mirror dimension and has to face evil versions of all their friends” story. From that alone, I’ve told you everything you really need to know about the plot. Except perhaps that while you’ll find plenty of your favorite mares taking on villain roles, it has a surprisingly lack of villains taking on heroic ones. There might be one exception, although that depends upon whether you ever identified Trixie as a ‘villain’ to begin with.
There are definitely some odd choices, many of them clearly made in the name of “this is not Equestria”. For example, there’s this weird anomaly with a certain magical water. When touched by a pegasus, it becomes some holy, rainbow-y light to protect against evil. When touched by unicorns, it becomes essentially a well of corruption. Seeing this, you’d think this is a world where unicorns are all prone to evil and pegasi are prone to good. I mean, why have this particular dynamic if you aren’t going to have it mean something?
Turns out, it means absolutely nothing. No pegasus is inherently more good than any other pony, and no unicorn is inherently more evil than any other pony. It’s just a random world mechanic, unexplained and without any real purpose outside the practical.
This is at least part of what I mean by the story being ‘simple’. Keeper of time RD apparently just wanted to write an action flick where Rainbow Dash fights her friends; everything else is just window dressing.
There are two exceptions. The first is an attempt practically at the end of the story to introduce a basic level of religion to Equestria, particularly for pegasi. It doesn’t go very deep, probably taking up around five hundred or so words of our time. Granted, later the god of the pegasi makes a direct appearance in-story, which makes the effort feel even more shallow as a “explain religion in Equestria” piece, but does open up some new avenues of lore for the world. Which will likely never be explored, but still.
The second exception is the inexplicable link between the ‘good’ and ‘evil’ versions of the Mane Six. Every time Rainbow kills one of the ‘evil’ counterparts in the shadow world, the appropriate pony in Equestria has a psychological reaction to it, essentially getting over their depression and loss regarding Rainbow’s weeks-long disappearance. How is this supposed to make sense?
It doesn’t. The ‘evil’ versions haven’t existed for as long as the canon Mane Six have, nor were they created the instant Rainbow entered the shadow world. In terms of their mutual existence, there is no correlation whatsoever to Rainbow’s friends being depressed or unhappy and the existence of these ‘evil’ versions of them. As such, there’s no reason for the Mane Six to magically, instinctually react to the ‘evil’ versions’ deaths. And yet that is exactly what happens, and the author can’t be arsed to show (or even Tell) us why.
I call this a ‘deep’ element only by virtue of giving the author the benefit of the doubt. For all I know, they had something intended behind this, some meaning I haven’t grasped. It’s also entirely possible that there was never anything deeper intended by it and they just neglected to cover their bases. Alas, we’ll probably never find out.
Then there’s that scene where one ‘evil’ character is pointing out all the times Rainbow’s friends were ‘disloyal’ and mean to her. You’d think, as this was one of her greater challenges, that it would have had a big effect on her afterwards, damaging her perspective on her friends even after she’d won and forcing her to come to terms with her relationships. Yet when the fight was over she’d not conjured up anything at all to defend her friends’ behavior, nor did she ever bother to address the topics put forward after the fact. It’s like the entire ordeal was forgotten. Way to skip a perfect opportunity for character growth, author.
Also, there is no ‘evil’ Rainbow Dash. The one pony that would make for the most interesting encounter is the one pony that apparently doesn’t exist in this shadow world (other than the conspicuously absent princesses). I for one would have loved an explanation for that.
I’d be remiss if I also didn’t criticize the editing. It’s blatantly clear to me that this author abused the spellchecker, essentially hitting ‘yes’ to every offered correction the tool made without bothering to check that it was spelling the correct word. This is blatantly apparent and appears continuously throughout the story, serving as a distracting and immersion-killing eyesore.
With all of that having been said, there’s still something of value here. We’ve got effective action scenes, a limited but fascinating setting, open questions regarding the nature of this AU’s divine and the interconnected dimensions, decent characterization (if limited/negligible character growth), and a decent sense of pacing. As simple as the overarching story is, I generally enjoyed it. This is the kind of story aimed at readers who don’t want to think too much about everything that’s going on, and I get that.
If you’re looking for an adventure without any of the more complicated background and development stuff, this will probably do it for you. Just try not to think too hard about everything that’s happening and you’ll be fine. It’s got a lot of flaws and underlying problems, but how damaging those are will largely depend upon the audience.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Resurrectionists
24,484 Words
By Captain_Hairball
Nighttime radio DJ and film student Skanky Biscuits (yes, really) has been depressed her entire life, although she has some cool friends willing to help her through it. When ex-coltfriend Eternal Enigma shows up asking her to help him with some experiments, she goes along with it. Nothing better to do. When those experiments involve temporarily killing ponies and bringing them back to study the afterlife, she starts wondering if she made a mistake…
This was apparently inspired by the movie Flatliners. I’ve never seen it, so I can’t say whether this story is straight-up story theft or a reimagining of the concept in the pony style. Given how things go in the climax, however, I’m willing to assume the former. Which is good, because I tend not to care for straight-up story theft.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this one. It’s all about Skanky (that poor, poor mare) trying to figure out what is going on with her friends as they all dive into the afterlife to try and understand it. At least, the first half is about that. I really enjoyed Skanky’s character. She seems mean a lot of the time, but it’s her depression and stress talking; when you really spend time with her, you realize she’s a pretty good pony on the inside. She’s definitely a shade of grey, what with the promiscuity, the alcohol, and love of horror aesthetics. Oh, and the occasional suicidal tendencies. That might call for a trigger warning.
The other characters are also interesting in their own ways, from Eternal Enigma’s “science at any cost” perspective, Firmanent’s blatant “sexy nerd” shenanigans, and Hearth’s unhealthy obsession with meeting her dead mother. Interweaving all these characters together is an underlying mystery as a new face shows up in the second half that shifts the direction of the story from mere death experiments to a legitimate and legitimately disturbing global threat from the beyond.
All of this is tied into a world set a few decades after the events of the show. Captain_Hairball does a decent job of helping us realize the world without going into any exposition (indeed, the sheer lack of exposition in this story is a credit). Celestia and Luna missing, Twilight as sole ruler, an independent Crystal Empire (presumably still ruled by Cadance, although it’s never brought up). A regular look at the college campus life helps give us some idea of the current technology and, in so doing, helps to identify this world as not too dissimilar from our own. It’s a subtle bit of worldbuilding, never going into any detail but just enough to keep things immersive.
The story can feel a little fast, particularly towards the end when all hell’s breaking loose and characters are dying. Some things popped up and I was all “wait, where did this come from?” But I enjoyed this story on the whole. Interesting characters, an unwillingness to pull punches on dark subject matter, an unexpected escalation in scope. It’s a fascinating story, to say the least.
I was hooked from start to finish. Absolutely give this one a go.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Just Another Delivery
5,560 Words
By Sorren
Ditzy Doo is bored while doing a routine, if extravagantly lucrative, delivery job. Really, it’s pretty normal. As long as you ignore the ninjas.
In this story we find that Ditzy Doo, also known as Derpy, is not just any delivery mare: she’s a tough-as-nails ninja-fighting, apple pie-throwing badass standing head-to-head against the monopolizing competition. Here we see her delivering a particularly special package to a particularly special pony while the great many minions of a rival big business do everything in their power to stop her, up to and including flamethrowers, airplanes, goo cannons, and more ninjas than you could fit in a cheap 1980’s action flick.
I am immensely entertained. I especially liked that moment when the leader of the rival package service and Ditzy get into an argument over the proper role of a delivery service, namely profit vs. customer satisfaction. It’s so over-the-top silly.
Want to have some action-oriented, goofy fun with everyone’s favorite mailmare? This will definitely do it for you.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Mistakes Best Not Remembered — Pretty Good
What's Under the Ground... — Worth It
They're Never Coming Back
34,341 Words
By Flashgen
Sequel to Pray, Hope and Wander
The entire citizenry of Ponyville disappeared overnight. Then the investigation team sent to find out why also vanished. The second team has been struggling to understand these events based on weak clues that haven’t been able to shed any real light on the matter. Nightmares and visions and whispers plague their efforts. Threats seem to loom in every shadow. And then came a breakthrough they never expected: an entity has made contact.
It claims to be Twilight Sparkle.
This serves as the finale of Flashgen’s four-story Darkness series, and it is a welcome breath of relief. At last, we are given answers. Not all the answers, and some answers only serve to generate more questions, but answers nonetheless. My favorite element right off the bat is that the author never forgets this is a Weird tale, and in Weird tales the questions tend to be more important than the answers.
I don’t want to spoil too much with this one or the series as a whole, but this one was easily my favorite. It felt to me like Flashgen had finally gotten everything right where it needed to be. In presentation. In ominousness. Heck, even in the sense of relatability. Flashgen also did away with the whole ARG aspect that was present in earlier stories, and I think that did a lot to keep things grounded.
The only thing I regret in all of this is how long it took me to go from story to story. I feel that if I had perhaps gone through it all at a closer interval I would have had a better appreciation for a lot of the ongoing events. For example, our investigative team concludes that a number of ponies from previous stories may have actually started colluding with the mysterious villains, and I had no idea why. On the surface, without context, it makes no sense. Even when we find that one pony in particular had inexplicably turned traitor (in a manner of speaking), I wasn’t sure why the others were suspected. Maybe if I’d read the prior three stories more recently I’d have understood.
Still, this was to me the highlight of the series. I’m looking forward to moving away from this and reading something else by this author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
No Foals — Pretty Good
Pray, Hope and Wander — Pretty Good
A FLEet|ng LIght |n thE DArknEsS — Worth It
A Glimmer of Hope in the Black — Worth It
Chaos;Pink
1,006 Words
By TheEveryDaySparkle
Sequel to One and All
We return once more to TheEveryDaySparkle’s series in which characters from the show “confess” to random whoevers (whom we aren’t typically privy to) about the secret of who they “really are”. So far we’ve got Twilight as a living source of magic (albeit by virtue of being an alicorn rather than anything particularly special about her), Chrysalis as Celestia’s and Luna’s estranged sister, Fluttershy being a literal nature goddess (and wife of Discord), and Rainbow Dash secretly being a pegasus princess. And now we get to Pinkie Pie as a creation of Discord.
Which, on the grand scheme of things, is hardly a shock. I mean, come on, you can’t tell me this idea hasn’t been broached before by someone out there. It’s on the same scale of surprise as alicorns being the source of all magic, which is to say, none at all. I’m not trying to cut down the ideas or TheEveryDaySparkle for using them, mind, I’m just saying that they don’t come off as great reveals to me.
Of course, Pinkie’s ability to break the fourth wall means we have a legit, if only implied, target for her confession, i.e. the reader. Which is great as it continues the ‘target audience’ thing that went on with Chrysalis and Twilight. Hopefully the next one keeps up the trend.
Not an amazing story, but nothing off-putting either. Except perhaps the written out laughter, which is always in bad taste. But that only happened once so I won’t harp on it.
I think I want to read something else by this author. At this point I’m pretty sure I can predict whatever is coming next and I’d like to see something other than a 1,000-word short.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Hidden Goddess — Worth It
Royalty Forgotten — Worth It
One and All — Worth It
The Order of The Rainbow — Needs Work
Stories for Next Week:
Wonka Vs. Applejack by MrPeaches
Story of the Blanks by Aoshi Stark
Don't Open the Door by Grimm
Sprinkles by Corejo
The Art of the Blade by Monochromatic
Sunscarred by Masterweaver
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Art of the Blade:
Is so recursive, it's maybe my favorite of Monochromatic's "Bodyguard AU" stories. I'll be interested to see what you think of it.
Mike
Appreciate the review and you finishing the series. The ARG aspect was definitely not the best, and way worse before I edited some of it out of the first story, and I think there's a decent way to have implemented it within the story world (which I kind of do in the Pray, Hope and Wander). Sticking the landing was what I was most worried with in the They're Never Coming Back, in maybe answering too much or not leaving enough mystery, but I think I did a decent job and it seems a fair bit of fans liked how it turned out. Could always be things I'd change a little, but overall I'm happy.
If you're looking for personal recommendations, The Canopy and Pipes are good horror stories I've written that I'm proud of, and Hypoesthesia and Untwisting the Knot for non-horror.
Disclaimer: Steel Resolve is not cool. Steel Resolve is lukewarm in the best of circumstances. Do not try to store items in Steel Resolve, they will spoil, and he will die.