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Aragon


Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)

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Mar
28th
2019

It's The Nature of Time that the Old Ways Must Give In · 3:53pm March 28th

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Comments ( 34 )

Me, writing and drawing this comic:

i.imgur.com/NeOIVNR.png

These are my Patreon supporters with a $5 tier or higher, and this is the special small-story shoutout I do for them.

  • Knowing there are ways to trick a trickster, Jeffb dared me to fit an entire lightbulb in my mouth. But when I failed to get it out and Jeffb laughed, I unhinged my jaw, and swallowed the lightbulb whole. I said. I have won. And they said what the f*ck. Dude did you just eat a lightbulb? What the hell! Those things are made of glass, man! And I said so it is my win. They said oh my f*cking god Aragón we bet five bucks. And you ate a lightbulb. I said look I just really need the money okay. Oh f*ck I think it broke. Oh God. Oh f*ck. Then I expulsed shards of crystal and blood on the carpet and Jeffb said OH MY GOD and I said hey give me five more bucks and I eat that, too. He said JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS YOUR—OH MY GOD AT LEAST WAIT TILL I FINISH BEFORE YOU EAT IT AG—
  • The feud between Undome Tinwe and I reached its climax in Verona, 1834, when we met at a party. I approached, so that he might see my new clothes and remember my family was richer than his, and formalities were exchanged through gritted teeth. Then I said, oh, my dear, I forgot to say—I poisoned the champagne. To which Undome Tinwe replied what? Oh. How embarrassing. So did I. And we both looked at our drinks, felt that old spark, and laughed. Exchanging antidotes, as the guests around us dropped like flies, I took Undome’s hand, and kissed it, and I said, my dear. We were made for each other. Shall we give ourselves a second chance? Upon which he replied, you know, my gloves are also coated in poison. And then I said what. Oh my God. Oh my God you son of a f—
  • Octavia Harmony noticed me out of the corner of his eye, realized I was starving, and offered me food. I hadn’t eaten in days. I smelled the food, and then his hand, and then I licked the inside of his mouth so that I would know he was not an enemy. Once I ate the food, and satiated my hunger, I said, you have fed me. In exchange, I will sleep by your fire. My ears are keen, and will catch the sound of a predator approaching while you sleep. I will help you just like you helped me, and I promise you loyalty, and that my descendants will follow my example, and become Man’s best friend. And Octavia Harmony said, you know, I knew the New York subway had, like, a reputation? But you’re the weirdest f*cking homeless guy I’ve seen in my entire life.
  • As Barcelona burned, Era Mare dared not look away from the fire. They said, Demon. Come to me. The flames rose in the sky and took the shape of my face, and with the voice of a million dead ones, I spoke: here I am. Era Mare said, let me see her again. That was the deal. I said, not quite. That was only part of the price. Era Mare said, what else is there for me to do? What else is there for me to give? I have nothing left. I said, no. There is one more thing. They said oh my f*cking God if this is about me watching you eat a lightbulb again I’m leaving. I said LOOK. I HAVE SPENT A LOT OF TIME HONING THAT SKILL. I’M JUST SAYING I DESERVE SOME RECOGNITION. They said that’s it, I’m out. I said WAIT, NO. PLEASE DON’T LEAVE. I AM SO LONELY. F*CK.
  • Emlyn Costilow finally managed to capture me in 2017, and brought me to their lair under the river Hudson. Finally! they said. Finally, I have defeated you! I said agh, you fiend. Ravish me all you want, you will never break my spirit, the spirit of justice! Emlyn said I’m sorry what. Ravish? What? I said oh. Oh, are you not—I-I thought we had a thing going? You know, kind of a, a villain-hero sorta…? They said oh. Oh! Oh, I am so sorry, I never really thought of you as anything other than a nemesis. Sorry. I said oh. They said wait is that why your suit has a boob window. I said I thought you liked it? They said uh I mean, we’ve just been trying to kill each other for ages, so I never really cared. I said oh. Okay. No, no, it’s fine. They said you know what, I’m just going to blow your brains out I think. I said you mean in the fun way? And then they shot me twelve times in the face.
  • Ross James and I were engaged from birth; a promise to join our two kingdoms and finally bring peace to the land. On my sixteenth birthday, I visited his palace. Sitting by moonlight, I rested my head on his shoulder, and said, I’ve had bad experiences, but I think I could learn to love you. He said what. No. I said what do you mean, no. He said dude this marriage is as political as they come are you kidding me. Why would I even touch you, I’m getting mad p*ssy on the side. I said but I saved myself for you! He said wow that really sounds like not my problem. I said but what about the vows we shared? In front of the Head Priest? He said you do realize I f*cked the Head Priest, like, as soon as you left the church, right? Like, you could hear us. I said oh. Uh. Can you at least lend me five bucks so I pay the taxi home. He said yeah sure, if you eat this lightbulb.
RBDash47
Site Blogger

pfrrrt

I can't decide if you getting that tablet is the best or worst thing to happen to us all.

The answer, of course, is both.

This is like witnessing evolution in real time.

Comment posted by Set deleted March 28th
Set
Set #6 · March 28th · · ·

I always love seeing your blog posts, they contain fun stuff to read, and in this case, convenient information!

Also, why don't ponies have eye-brows in the show...?

R5h
R5h #7 · March 28th · · ·

I object to your statements, on the grounds that there is nothing uncomfortable about how sexy I find Rainbow Dash

The tags confused me until I realized they are from a different song than the title. I hope you're okay.

This is brilliant.

Like not to be weird about it but I'm backing your patreon in the hope you'll do more things like this.

Your backstories and how you supposedly met your Patrons are as inconsistent as you are funny. And you sir, are fucking hilarious.

What are you talking about? Prose can handle body language just fine. :rainbowhuh:

Educational, funny, and just a tiny bit gross. The best blog combination. Keep 'em coming Ara!

Well, I hope you don't disintegrate in the process of bringing the fartpocalypse upon us all.

wtf i love starlight now

5034055 I don't got any money for ya, but can you eat this lightbulb? 💡

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

great advice, fart boy

Now it’s time for “Starlight Sez”, the segment where your favorite guidance counselor Starlight Glimmer passes on friendly advice for all you cool kids out there! Whatcha got for us this week, Glim-Glam?

“Never forget, gang: there is no ethical consumption under capitalism. The only solution is a general labor strike and the violent deposition of the wealthy ruling class.”

That’s all for this episode, kiddos. Tune in next week, when Starlight explains how being a billionaire in a world where millions of people starve and die of preventable diseases for lack of money to pay for basic human rights is fundamentally immoral!

Uncomfortably Sexy Sharkbow Dash is now best pone :pinkiecrazy:

Materialist philosophy is so much hot air. Maybe that's why you have gas.

No wait, Starlight isn't the one farting. Hrm. My whole world view has been turned upside down by cartoons. AGAIN.

I really identify with Starlight here.

Also I might have to join your Patreon just to get one of these amazing “how they met each other” quips.

5034083

Also, why don't ponies have eye-brows in the show...?

"Excuse me, sugarcube?"
derpicdn.net/img/2014/1/27/535988/full.gif

I mean, I love this, but why the Sabaton reference?

I mean... I was only next to you for a couple of minutes when you were having all those famous authors at Bronycon sign your book, but I didn't want to say about, y'know, anything.

:twilightsheepish:

5034292
The titles of my blogs are always either completely random sentences I read somewhere (like from a poem or something) or lyrics from the song I'm listening as I write it.

You can guess what happened here.

Looking at the patreon excerpts, your oesophagus must have the best ideas.

Set
Set #28 · March 29th · · ·

5034238
5034129
Right, I should've rephrased my statement to "well-defined" eyebrows, since they only appear rarely for emphasis :twilightsheepish:

(And how could I forget the legendary AJ eyebrow raise?)

I'm going to masturbate to uncomfortably sexy sharktooth Dash, but I'm not going to like it. :rainbowderp:

I... I don't entirely understand.
I approve, but man. I'm so confused.

Aragon, we need to talk.

About...

Your farting problem. It's not right, man, you need to see a doctor.

It's the nature of time, that the new ways come in sin.

Someone has been listening to Sabaton. Are we a Hearts of Iron IV player or did we discover them somewhere else?

Edit: I only noticed my autocorrect had added an n’t to my has after my finger was already flying at Mach speeds towards the publish button.

Edit 2: it did it again to ‘Was’. Maybe I’ll learn, maybe I won’t. In either case, Apple autocorrect and the fimfiction website do not get along.

What the hell is a third eye?:rainbowhuh:

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