• Member Since 19th Apr, 2022
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

OverUnderCookened


Many years ago, on my very first day on Earth, I was born. Two decades later I celebrated my twentieth birthday, and then I had a glass of water.

T

There's only one pony in Ponyville that the Mane Six have never met. Pinkie Pie has never thrown him a party, Applejack has never sold him a mug of cider, and Twilight has never seen him check out any books. And as far as that unicorn, Lapis Print, is concerned, that's exactly how it should be.

Lapis can't risk them knowing where he lives, what he does for a living, or even what his name is - if he gets his way, the Mane Six won't even know he exists, and nopony in Ponyville will miss him once he's gone.

It should be a piece of cake - after all, it's not like the biggest magical power in Equestria is about making sure everypony looks out for each other, right?

(Rated Teen for language - mental cursing mostly.)

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 361 )

Interesting, i will comment again when im done reading it

Before reading what is your profile picture? Because I’m trying to think if it’s a Potato or a Upside Down Hedgehog 🦔 :rainbowderp:

Comment posted by Undead Lunar deleted June 1st

This is a interesting take of human in Equestria we’re they can’t interact with any of the M6 and probably major characters of the show. That sounds challenging for the human and would definitely have funny shenanigans throughout the whole show.

I don’t mind if you don’t want to have him have any romantic feelings towards mares like Bon Bon for example. There’s been really a lot of stories with human coming to Equestria then falling in love with a pony, dragon, and others. But it would be a interesting challenge for him to try to avoid mares who might get a crush on him?

I wonder how he will handle both Discord and Luna. Like besides Pinkie Pie (which is brilliant how you get the human to avoid her) they both can have more ways to find out he isn’t a Pony since one goes into dreams while the other can sense chaos.

Keep going as long as you want. Just remember to have fun!

I'm really liking the story I can't wait for more!!!

Interesting so Lyra might be really human. Really I never knew the fandom was pushing for her to act like a human for years till like the 5th season. I always thought it was odd and still is sometimes. I could definitely see her being once a human who probably has given up going home and just works at a candy store with her friend.

So now he meets Celestia. Kind of thought he won’t meet her at all but I could definitely see her having a blast trolling him to meet the M6. But it does make me wonder if the M6 would actually not even hear about him like in real life with friend groups never I once share about another friend to them which they never had known about that friend who had tried out a class once or twice.

I’m not sure what you are talking about edginess? Do you mean like characters that might have mental health issues or close to darker scenes? So far I like the chapters and will keep reading for the time being. Have fun fellow pony

11258623
Hey, thanks for taking an interest! I wasn’t really expecting anything besides a few dislikes, so it’s nice to have some positive feedback. To answer some of your questions:

My profile pic is a potoo - it’s a South American bird known for having a really big mouth, and for allegedly stealing milk from farmers’ livestock (despite the fact that it only eats insects!) It does kinda look like an upside-down hedgehog, though, so now I can’t unsee that.

Luna and Discord… if I manage to keep going long enough to write another two-part chapter, one of those two will be that chapter’s big problem.

Pony/human-in-disguise romance troubles: maybe? I mean, I’ll have to decide whether it’d be funnier for Lapis to be seriously stuck dealing with a pony in love, or for him to continually shoot himself in the foot during interactions with the interested party. Don’t get me wrong, I like both ideas, I’m just having a hard time picking a favorite!

“Edginess:” basically, I’m not here to write the next Badass-Angry-Pony-Gets-Shit-Done story. This is because I feel like that kind of mindset gets innocent folks hurt, and that’s part of the reason that I had Lapis pushing the Nightmare away instead of embracing it - sure, it would’ve made things a lot easier to just stop caring about literally everything except getting home at any cost, but… well, look what that kind of ruthless obsession did to Luna.

Still having fun so far - thanks for the encouragement!

11258719

Oh that bird! But yea now I can’t stop seeing it as a upside down hedgehog as well lol :rainbowlaugh:

It would be funny in both ways for him to face the situation of a mare who has a crush on him. Maybe you could just focus on the Hearts & Hooves first since that’s like in the first season? Because you can focus only of him dealing with the CMC situation and a crush situation to see if you wanted to have more jokes like that later in your story or can be only for those events.

Ah I see. I completely agree it gets annoying that there are human stories were the main human character gets put into a place that they have to do everything or get the power to do anything? But yea I’m fine with since so far it’s been good.

A HIE story that is well written and actively avoiding the tropes that drive me up a wall (well... the alicorn and edginess can be fun for me but I don't dislike their absence)? Outstanding!

So are you going to begin diverging from the main storyline or make Lapis a Canon background character that secretly helps the main 6 in EVERY problem they face? Also this story is pretty awesome! Great job!

11259012
“Every” is a verb strong word - maybe “some?” “Most?” If canon does get broken from, it’ll probably be by accident (at least, according to current plans - might change in the future, we’ll see!)

Well this story definitely has my attention. Consider it liked and favorited.

I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say that our favorite cake loving princess of the sun is already thinking up some plans to set up Lapis as Luna's personal student.

I'll give this a shot but that description is very offputting, pretty much all the exposition on who Lapis is can be omitted. If you just had the beginning and the "he can't risk them finding him out" part then that would be a much better hook imo, you don't have to reveal everything to the reader before the story even begins

Like the short description was way more compelling. Less is more as the old adage goes

11258547
Gotta be a fish from the top side down :p

So, basically we're looking at what it says on the box. One more Ponified Human in Equestria fic for the pile, except the human isn't allowed to interact with the Mane 6. I've done some plotting ahead, so I'll probably be writing this at least until Lapis is done settling in. After that, I'll keep going until I get bored of it, which sadly may not mean "until it's done." So... care about this story at your own risk, I guess?

Damn you! It only too a single chapter! I didn't even toss this story into my queue or storage folders to wait for chapters! damnit, my heart can't handle the weight of all the stories upon it.....

Ahem.... my whining aside, this is honestly, a god-awfully good story. If this continues this way, I honestly see this story reaching one of my most favorite stories.

Again, I'm probably biased

Being aware of biased is the first step to fighting bias. Being aware of my own biases and using reader feedback, you can create something great.

11259232
Well, what Princess Sunbutt is planning is one thing, and what Luna’s ready to take on could be another thing entirely…

11259244
Yeah, the giant description is kind of an artifact from when I hadn’t fleshed out the “hey-here’s-this-guy” exposition yet. Took me a bit to work out the front end of the story-posting stuff, but I got there in the end!

11259346
Awesome to hear that this one’s getting this much attention so quickly! Though, I should probably warn you that the giant batch of emotion in Section B is something I went for partially because this first chapter’s a two-parter - in future single-part chapters, the balance of serious-to-shenanigans is going to be skewed a little more toward shenanigans. There’ll still be plenty of serious, though!

“No, she is not,” Celestia replied. “And yet Ponyville failed to reduce itself to rubble in the absence of my guiding hooves. Do you think I would’ve believed such a thing was possible, if you hadn’t taught me to share my responsibility in the first place?”

cough cough stealing this idea:derpytongue2:

11259398
Can’t steal it if I give you permission first :pinkiehappy:

That is a very interesting and novel start. Looking forward to more.

11259299

Oh man, if I had thought of that I would made a SpongeBob joke :rainbowlaugh:

> it was just that he had too many problems back on Earth that would get bigger if he left them alone. His student loan debt,

Haha, what? I would kiss my student loans and everything else good-bye for a restart in magical pony land. Also, of all the things he’s concerned about getting back to… student loans?

The not-interact-with-Mane-6 feels like a pretty arbitrary limit; if you can find a way to have it make plot-sense you’ll have a much better story.

I feel like I'm missing something important. I wonder why he knows the general plot of the story, knows who most of the characters are, but doesn't know their names? It's like he watched the show with the sound turned off and guessed the plot from that

Also this is jarringly well polished for a first submission

Luna is so well written here, damn

“I see,” Princess Celestia replied, nodding thoughtfully. “Well, I think the four of you have done Ponyville, and Equestria, a great service by dealing with the creature that had possessed my sister. I had suspected it would search for another pony to latch onto, somepony who had a lot to lose, and greatly feared losing it - desperately enough, perhaps, to accept help from anypony or anything that offered it. That, I think, is what you have in common with Princess Luna.”

Again, Princess Celestia chuckled. “Not at all, Lapis Print. I look forward to seeing you again.” Her horn came aglow with golden light, and the shards of Lapis’ window lifted off the floor of his workshop, gently whistling back into place inside their frame - then, with a flash of light and a crackle like bubble wrap, Lapis’ window was as whole as it had ever been, and the Princess’ blurred form was walking away on the other side.

Does this mean Lapis and Luna may become the bestest of friends? Because I would be so down for that development!

11259510
I think he's working under the assumption that his return is inevitable and is just trying to hurry it along so the time-sensitive issues don't get any worse than they absolutely have to.

Wait.
He knows the show splot, but... no characters names or that there are other species than ponies?.

11258547
It's a Pootoo bird.

Excellent first chapters. I like that the MC doesn't want to get involved in the main plot (or by accident) like most of the stories on this page. Reading the first chapters made listening to the rain more enjoyable.

How about writing a story using Alicorn King CYOA?

Well without further ado, good night.

11259732

He probably heard or seen bits of the show but never fully dive into it.

Really like story so far.

And the main chracter talking to animals (pigeons?) is nice, like it's actually good characterisation tbh

Lapis yanked something - a full face-mask with eyeholes, that had a picture of a barrel crudely drawn on it - out of his bag and over his face. He straightened up and stood stock-still, sucking in a deep breath and holding it just as Pinkie rounded the corner.

I can't believe that worked, but I love that it did.

11259767 Kinda hard to know the entire plot, without encountering the the main characters' names. They're not hard to remember. I mean, toddlers know their names. Maybe he's just kinda stupid. :trollestia:

Bit of an error in your story--in the coffee shop, Lyra clearly doesn't know who Twilight is, but from Lyra's wikipage:

Lyra Heartstrings' first appearance is in Friendship is Magic, part 1 in Canterlot, where she walks with Amethyst Star and waves to Twilight Sparkle. She later attends Pinkie Pie’s surprise party for Twilight in Ponyville.

By all rights, at this point in the timeline, Lyra is supposed to still be in Canterlot as she is one of those several friendsacquaintances of Twilight who were going to attend Moondancer's upcoming party, but Twilight ended up missing it because she had been sent to Ponyville--wait :twilightoops:--why the fuck is LYRA in Ponyville for Twilight's party, then!!?? :twilightangry2:

That means the show fucked up their own timeline in the first 15 minutes! :pinkiegasp:

You know, what? Never mind. :facehoof:
Carry on. :pinkiecrazy:
All's good here. :pinkiehappy:

11259833

Lapis yanked something - a full face-mask with eyeholes, that had a picture of a barrel crudely drawn on it - out of his bag and over his face. He straightened up and stood stock-still, sucking in a deep breath and holding it just as Pinkie rounded the corner.

I can't believe that worked, but I love that it did.

Me, too! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

A very strong start, but can you stay afloat? You read, remember the movie you watched recently. Nobody. There are a lot of questions about history, but I think that readers have already asked questions to you. So, I will watch and read in the shadows how the story ends, but I advise you not to delay the chapters. Interest fades over time, as does the continuation of the story.

11259983
Okay, I didn’t even catch that the show did that, so now it’s personally irking me. Huh.

Wait. Uh, I might be wrong, but… well, Changelings do exist. And it’s either that, or a long chain of events involving the mirror portal in the Crystal Empire, so… idk, pick your favorite? There’s probably more than those even, so maybe this is something to write a dedicated story for!

11259983
She's probably there for the Summer Sun Celebration, so she actually has a reason to miss the party.
Not everyone can afford to travel by Golden Chariot, so she had to leave earlier than Twilight.

If you notice, she's the only one without a gift on her, so she probably already didn't plan on attending.
Twilight is Moondancer's only friend anyways, so she would mind if one of her friend's friends was missing.

11260053
Oh, okay, that’s much less convoluted. Perfect, thanks!

Okay, I touched on a possible error, which in hindsight related to the show's own canon, apparently isn't an error (or at least, those who "follow canon" aren't questioning it), but Derpy/Bubbles/Muffin is definitely a gray pegasus, not white, as you can plainly see--> :derpytongue2:
Other than that, well thought out and written, so far. Looking forward to more!

I do like how Bon Bon is trying to keep her SMILE training from showing, but having as much trouble as Lapis was in keeping his alien nature hidden. It should be fun to see how they're going to make weird theories about each other from all their tells and reveals. :rainbowlaugh:

11259951

Kinda hard to know the entire plot, without encountering the the main characters' names. They're not hard to remember. I mean, toddlers know their names. Maybe he's just kinda stupid. :trollestia:

There could be valid reasons for that: perhaps a kid sister (or brother) who avidly watched it when they were growing up, so he was forced to at least be exposed to it, if not be willing to be immersed into the show. Or there might be other excuses for his lack of recall for specific details while knowing overall general story plotlines.
Hell, it took me watching it for at least the first three seasons before I was finally able to figure out that Dashie was a mare, and that was with me trying to pay attention to it. :rainbowwild:

11260053
Good points, and perhaps less convoluted as OverUnderCookened suggested.
As it turned out, both Lyra and Amethyst Star were used for background ponies in the Canterlot street scene and Twilight's party--which was more likely just lazy animation work on the production staff.

“’You’re Invited to Twilight’s Welcome-To-Ponyville Surprise Party.’ Who’s Twilight?”

Silly Lyra; you saw her earlier today.

Putting aside that pickiest of nits, this is looking quite good. On to the next chapter!

Bon Bon had stopped spinning the fluffy pink thing, and Lapis could now identify it as a towel wrapped around what looked like a couple of the extra lanterns.

Bon Bon is a hoopy frood who knows where her towel is.
Lyra, however, may be even hoopier.

Commonality between the Nightmare and the stallion from another world. Hmm…

He heard her chuckle. “Goodness, I haven’t heard that one in a while.”

Heh. Yeah, “Your Grace” is usually more ducal.

Says the pony who’s been pulling Mend-All spells out of his rump all day long!

Literally, given his cutie mark.

Lovely work. Even while avoiding the Bearers, Lapis has run afoul of one of the classic curses: May you come to the attention of those in power. We’ll see what comes of that… later. After all, he hasn’t even been in Equestria for a week.

This may be a well-traveled plot, but you’re executing it with both skill and novelty. Looking forward to seeing where it goes from here. Especially given the competent Best Pony. Always a good sign there. :derpytongue2:

So we meet our main character, a repair not-a-pony who is about to get more experience than he ever wanted I'm fixing the plot holes.

Luna sniffed again. She coughed. Then, slowly, she broke down sobbing at last, turning to embrace Celestia, her jet-black wing unfolding around Celestia’s back as she buried her face in Celestia’s barrel.

Error, personal design preference, or hmm?

Your story is well written.
We will look upon your career with great interest.:moustache:

this is getting very good with each chapter, congratulations, I look forward to the next one

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