8: C'mon Over Now, Ya Hear?
It was sunset, and the edges of the clouds were just beginning to turn gold. At the far end of the sky from the sun, a few stars were beginning to dully gleam through the deep, rich indigo-blue of the sky, just above the low, rolling hills of the plains around Ponyville. A steady, cool breeze was rolling over those hills and into the village, washing over the grass in slow, rippling waves. It set the dark, narrow leaves of the nearby trees swaying, and seemed almost to softly whisper as Lapis, Nikki, and Bon Bon made their way along the road that connected Ponyville General Hospital to the rest of the village.
“…Listen, for real,” Lapis said, as he slowly trudged around a bend, “I’m fine. And I’m not going to do any work once I get back, either - at most, I’m finding a doorstop, tidying up a little, and getting to bed.”
Bon Bon smirked. “Forgive me for not taking you at your word, Lapis. But I’m walking you home, then I’m bringing over Lyra and some chow. Lyra wouldn’t talk to me for weeks if I did anything less, and besides, I’m sure she’s got her own questions to ask.”
“Guess I can’t argue with that,” Lapis replied, and he felt his ears briefly flick backwards atop his head. He straightened them, then asked, “Anything interesting happen while I was out?”
Bon Bon shook her head. “Not much. Mayor Mare gave an official speech about the Parasprites- sorry, the bug-things that tore up the village.” She sighed. “Apparently Fluttershy of all ponies led one here from the Everfree, and it multiplied.”
Lapis cocked an eyebrow. “The Everfree? Wait, if they live in there normally, how come the whole forest isn’t just stumps by now?”
“Well, normally they only eat crops, berries, or other things you or I could eat,” Bon Bon said, “but then Twilight cast a spell to make them stop eating all the food, and it worked.”
“That figures,” Lapis said, nodding. “I can almost see how Fluttershy might’ve thought they were fine - before they started eating everything, they were almost cute.”
“Maybe,” Bon Bon said. “Anyway, it was Pinkie Pie who managed to lead them away. Apparently, on top of being Pinkie Pie, she’s also a one-pony band.”
“You know, if I hadn’t seen her in action, I’d be pretty confused right now,” Lapis said. “Though I’m pretty sure ‘be a one-pony band’ is just one more part of the job description for Pinkie Pie.”
“She went by you?” Bon Bon asked.
“Well, she passed by the end of the road I was on, and that was close enough for the bugs to follow after her.” Lapis remembered the odd look on Pinkie’s face, and cocked his head. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Pinkie that pi- uh, cheesed off before.”
“Lapis, you’re not hiding your home country from me anymore, you can use your native curses,” Bon Bon said, rolling her eyes. “But yeah, she wasn’t too happy. I’ve seen worse, though.”
“When?” Lapis asked, glancing over.
Bon Bon shuddered. “Word of advice: if you ever make a Pinkie Promise, then never, ever break it. You think she’s been chasing you so far? If you break a Pinkie Promise, then she knows, and she will find you.”
“…Good to know,” Lapis said, filing that piece of information away for later.
They reached Lapis’ house not long afterward. Nikki settled down on the table for a nap, while Bon Bon quickly excused herself to go get Lyra - leaving Lapis to take in what he’d done to his house.
Bon Bon had shared some of the details of Lapis’ magical… accident with him, but this was the first time he’d actually seen any of it. Outside of the basement, everything really seemed to be in a grid pattern - even the fallen pigeon feathers that still littered his living room floor, until he swept them up.
His kitchen was neater than he’d ever gotten it, and all the dishes were sparkling clean. His bed was so tightly made that he suspected the blankets might tear if he jumped on them - not that he was feeling energetic enough to do so - and even the guest bedroom seemed not to have a speck of dust inside. Almost wish I could do that on purpose…
Lapis remembered the feeling of being choked, held aloft in the air by his own magic, the fiery, pulsing pressure that had seemed to tear his head in two by the horn. He shivered. Actually, no thanks.
Taking one look at the site of the incident was more than enough to reinforce his reluctance. It was still chaos in his basement, but now, it was sculpted chaos - the spirals drew wide, smoothly-curving arcs of gathered wreckage from the spot where he’d collapsed to the very edges of the room, leaving the floor almost bare everywhere else.
With a spike of toothache-like pain from his horn, Lapis picked up one of the broken hammers off the floor. Like all the rest of his tools, the Parasprites had eaten it in half - and not in the “just-the-handle” or “just-the-head” sense, either. No, they’d chomped along it in a straight, tooth-marked line from the handle to the tip, as if the hammer was an unusually useful cob of corn.
Lapis wasn’t sure it was worth hanging it back up, but he hooked it onto the tool rack anyway. He was starting to consider picking up the scrap paper, but the second he decided to just get it over with, he heard his door swinging open upstairs. “Lapis?” Lyra’s voice called.
“On my way up,” he replied, and he was halfway up the stairs when the reverberating sound of the door’s locking mechanism echoed down to him. He winced; it sounded like she’d rammed into the door full-speed.
“You alright up there?” he called, ascending the rest of the way into the closet and closing the false wall behind him. “Sounded like you hit that door pretty hard-”
He pushed open the door again, and was only out by a few steps before Lyra tackled him into a hug, almost crushing the air out of his lungs. “Whoa! Hey, nice to see you too.”
From the door, Bon Bon rolled her eyes and smirked, setting down a carry-out bag atop Lapis’ table. Lyra let go after a second or two, her ears flopping back on her head. “Sorry, Bon Bon filled me in a little on the way here, and… well, I had no idea, and… I guess, I’m glad you’re okay, but are you sure you’re okay?”
“…I’m feeling about as good as I can, Lyra,” Lapis replied, trying to plaster on a reassuring smile. “It’s a mess, but at least I’m out of the hospital, and I can start cleaning it up-”
“Tomorrow,” Bon Bon said, while Nikki opened one eye long enough to shoot him a glare that basically said the same thing. “Right now, you’re doing nothing but eating, and explaining to Lyra whatever the hay she asks you to explain.”
Lyra perked right up at the mention of food. “Ooh! Does that mean we can crack into that barrel of cider?”
“What barrel of…” Lapis started asking, but at the sight of the barrel sitting on top of his counter, he cut himself off. “Uh, did you bring this here?”
“It’s a test batch of cider, from the Apple family,” Bon Bon said. “Big Macintosh and I were talking the other day, and you came up. I know he’s Applejack’s brother, and Applejack is one of Pinkie’s friends, but…”
“Don’t worry about it,” Lapis said, looking over the barrel for a spigot - it was on the inside of the counter, as it turned out. “I’d be happy to share, I just don’t know if I have enough cups…”
It turned out, Lapis did not have enough cups. Lyra got a glass, but Bon Bon was shortly holding a coffee mug, and Lapis eventually wound up grabbing a small bowl from his cabinet and filling it from the tap. The cider was a little bit sour, but Lapis didn’t mind - it was still the best he’d ever tasted, and the tartness paired well with the spicy hay dogs that Bon Bon had brought over.
“So,” Bon Bon said, picking up her hay dog for a second bite, “is there anything you wanted to ask Lapis, Lyra… Lyra?”
Lapis swallowed, then looked up from his food - to find Lyra busy chugging her cider at top speed, her barely-nibbled hay dog floating in the air beside her wide and teary eyes. “Whoa, slow down there, you’ll grow gills!”
Lyra drained the last few drops from her glass, then set it down, blinking away the tears in her eyes. “Whatever you do, don’t try the Happy Sauce,” she wheezed, setting the hay dog down on the table in its wrapper and heading for the cider barrel at half a gallop, the empty glass floating away after her.
Lapis and Bon Bon exchanged a glance, then took a closer look at Lyra’s hot dog. There was a thin trail of some condiment drizzled across the top layer of cheese, one that had a clearer oily sheen than any topping Lapis had ever seen - it almost seemed to glow, like he was looking at a rainbow through a window made of barbecue sauce.
“…‘Happy Sauce?’” Lapis muttered, turning to inspect Lyra’s place. Sitting on the table nearby was a small glass bottle almost full of the strange condiment - which, now that Lapis looked at it, was definitely glowing. The bottle had no label - instead, it had a small, ominous smiley face painted on its side, backlit by the rainbow sheen of the vaguely-brown substance.
Bon Bon caught sight of the bottle and sighed. “Lyra, I thought you knew what you were getting into with that stuff!”
Behind the counter, Lyra gasped for breath as she rose from the depths of her glass of cider. “I didn’t think it was made with real rainbow! I thought it was, like, Zap-Apple glaze or something!”
“Why in Equestria would Mane-Street Dogs be selling Zap-Apple glaze?” Bon Bon said, spreading her hooves. “Zap-Apples are an Apple family specialty, there’s no way they’d let anypony else sell Zap-Apple produce!”
“Zap-Apples?” Lapis asked, frowning.
“They’re a special kind of rainbow-colored, magical apple,” Bon Bon explained, as Lyra took a deep breath and dove back into her glass of cider. “The Apple family have the only domestic Zap-Apple crop in Equestria, and they can only sell Zap-Apple jam once a year. The stuff’s delicious… unlike actual rainbows, such as what’s in that ‘Happy Sauce.’ Real rainbows are pretty to look at, but they taste spicy and nothing else besides.”
“O-kay,” Lapis said, setting aside the question of how purified rainbow could make its way into a condiment. He levitated the bottle of Happy Sauce over. “…No redeeming qualities? No habanero fruitiness, or anything?”
“Nope,” Lyra rasped, settling back into her seat with a quarter-full glass of cider. “Just spicy. And it’s gotta be mixed with honey or something in that bottle, ‘cause it just glued onto my tongue.” She scrunched up her face and stuck out her tongue, which still had a faint rainbow-y sheen. “Eugh.”
Lapis hesitated. Then, slowly and deliberately, he uncorked the bottle.
“Lapis,” Bon Bon said, in a calm, flat tone.
“Look,” Lapis said, slowly depositing a single drop of the sauce onto his hay dog. “I’ve never met a type of spicy pepper that wasn’t worth finding a way to eat. Chipotles are smoky, jalapeños are nice on just about anything, and even Scotch Bonnets are good in a 3-pound pot of chili.”
“Peppers are one thing, rainbows are another,” Lyra said, her eyes growing wide again. “Don’t do it, Lapis.”
“I’ve got to,” Lapis said, raising the hot dog to his lips. “If I don’t, I’ll wish I did.”
Then, he took a bite and began to chew. For a few moments, he couldn’t even tell anything was different. Then the drop of Happy Sauce found its way onto Lapis’ tongue.
Lapis blinked, grunting in pain, and Lyra snickered as he quickly levitated his own cider glass to his lips. Instead of chugging it, though, he took one mouthful and swished it around over his tongue, expecting the acidity of the cider to help dissolve the drop of sauce in his mouth. Instead of fading, the burning sensation on Lapis’ tongue began to spread beyond the small, smoldering smear of Happy Sauce, and he knew he’d made a mistake.
Well, there goes that plan. Lapis swallowed, grimacing as the fiery-sour cocktail of half-chewed hay dog sizzled its way down his throat, then opened his mouth to speak - but, with the first breath that hit the inside of his mouth, the leftover Happy Sauce was able to get in one last word, and he wound up coughing instead of speaking.
“Wishing you hadn’t?” Bon Bon asked.
Lapis coughed again, then managed to wash down the sauce with one last swig of cider. “Yeah, maybe a little.”
The rest of dinner passed mostly without incident. They ended up making small talk over dinner, and mostly avoided the reasons that Lapis had wound up in the hospital. Lyra gave him a quick, non-rhyming run-down on how Harmonic Cascades worked, and added that the average unicorn needed 3 days’ worth of rest - or minimal labor, at least - to replenish their magical stores. Lapis found himself glad for the information, as he’d so far assumed that his reservoir could be charged back up by a good night’s sleep alone.
Not too long afterward, Lyra and Bon Bon excused themselves, and Lapis headed to bed only a few minutes after they were gone, taking a few minutes to tug his blankets loose enough to lie beneath. Lapis passed out almost as soon as his head hit the pillow…
…He felt it in his gut as the drill rumbled beneath his feet, set his jaw at the clank of the angular, blunt-ended, tripartite metal doors before him. They slid up and to either side, opening to reveal churning, pale rock, going by in the bright floodlights fast enough to be little more than a dusty blur. His stomach lurched as the drop pod breached the stone and free-fell, just for a moment, through the mostly-empty air of the cavern. Something screeched as the teeth of the drill caught it midair, tearing it into chunky green paste with no more ceremony than a brief, wet crunch.
Then, the pod landed. He rose from his seat as the grate before the doors parted like a mouth, leaving no barrier between himself and the caverns outside. He hesitated only a moment, glancing briefly at the small screen beside the doors, where a red triangle was accompanied by the warning: ‘HAUNTED CAVE.’
Cave’s haunted, he thought, and he loaded the rifle at his side, a metallic ping echoing through the cavern as he floated the magazine into its slot. Then, as the ramp extended down before the door, he galloped down at full speed, tossing a blue glowstick ahead of himself as he charged through the cloud of dust.
He needn’t have bothered. This wasn’t the biggest cavern he’d seen, but it was one of the brightest - every few square yards, luminous lumps of pale-cyan crystal sprouted from the pale stone of the cave, each at least three times bigger than he was. He paused, waiting for Mission Control to deliver one of his usual speeches about the mission objective, but there was nothing from his headset save a subtle, sinister hiss of static. A pigeon flew past his head, trilling a tone that sounded as if it would be more at home coming from a machine.
Shrugging, he switched to his flare gun, aimed at the few dark patches of the cavern’s walls and ceiling, and fired. The flares shot through the air as gleaming-white blurs, casting broad circles of light across the dim patches, bringing to light gleaming veins of gold and glittering red crystal. Above, a massive portion of the cavern’s ceiling disintegrated into gravel and dust, and another enormous drill pulled a tangle of metal mesh and machinery into the cave floor a second later. The mass unfolded in a blocky bloom of ramps and wire lattice, revealing a metallic cylinder - a giant, gleaming ballpoint pen - enclosed by a ring-shaped platform, floodlights and turrets mounted around the circumference at regular intervals. The turrets rattled to life, twisting and angling, their barrels popping in mathematical, synchronized rhythm. High in the cave, a few rustling blurs shattered into sprays of green gunk before he got a chance to tell what they were.
He drew his grappling hook and pointed it at the space above one of the blue crystals, pulling the trigger. The hook sank into the stone, and a second later, he was whirring through the air at speed, his hooves clicking against the hard crystal as he touched down. Pulling out his pickaxe, he began to break one of the veins of red substance off the walls. Once he finished, he aimed the hook at another vantage point, this one near to a vein of gold, and zipped over to repeat the process. He didn’t let down his guard - nothing was pestering him yet, and the turrets would do a lot of the work for him, but he still might only get a breath or two to react.
Deep in some far crevice of the cavern, something thumped. A second later, the sound of a section of stone crumbling met his ears, chunks almost clacking as they shattered against each others’ sides. The pigeon perched on a protrusion of the vein of gold, shooting him a questioning look.
He lowered the pickaxe. “Cave’s haunted,” he explained.
The pigeon furrowed its brow, blinking with sharp, deep cyan eyes that almost seemed to glow.
“Cave’s haunted,” he repeated, raising the pickaxe. Then, he resumed chipping away at the vein of gold.
A few seconds later, he was done, and decided it was about time to work on the mission objective. He turned toward a narrow opening in the cavern, in the opposite side of the cave from where the sound of breaking stone had come a few moments before. One grappling-hook later, he was through the maw of the smaller cavern, squeezing between slanted, hex-shaped crystals of white quartz.
A smattering of small, glowing blue dots of crystal on one of the cave walls alerted him to his objective. Approaching their rough midpoint, he stared briefly at the wall, trying to decide what would be the best angle to dig into the stone through. Then, having made his decision, he raised the pick and began to swing it, the metal clicking against the stone.
One. Two. Three. And the stone didn’t crumble away.
Four. Five. A small hemisphere of rock crumbled, and he switched to another section. It, too, took five swings, instead of the three that he knew it ought to.
Again. And again. Until finally, his prize popped free of the rock - instead of another crystal, a small, dully-gleaming suitcase, locked shut. From its seam, the corner of a green paper bill was poking free, the number 100 barely visible in the shadows of the cave.
The sound of breaking stone echoed out again, far louder this time. He paused. That sounds like it's right under me, he thought.
The next moment, he had his grappling hook out, and was zipping back to the pillars of white quartz. He started to squeeze between them, making it a few steps inside - then, confetti began to fall around his head, and he paused-
The stone beneath his feet vanished, and he fell, the pigeon squawking in alarm. Below him, Pnkie Pie’s enormous, smiling, bubblegum-pink face waited. “Hi!” she piped, smiling, and then she rushed up toward him-
He turned his grappling hook to the ceiling, knowing already that there was nothing close enough to grapple to, and saw the pigeon swooping down toward him-
Lapis sat bolt upright in bed, gasping for breath, sweat pouring off his face. He looked to the window, his heart pounding in his chest, and saw that the moon was still high in the sky.
Comprehension dawned on him a few seconds later. He groaned, then flopped back onto his pillow. Okay, no Happy Sauce before bed. Good to know. Let’s get some sleep.
When he woke up the following morning, he set about cleaning up his home. That ended up being an all-day project, even with Lyra dropping by to lend a hoof and Nikki doing the dusting (in exchange for some birdseed, of course.)
The morning after that, he found himself heading down to his basement before breakfast. He’d put the workshop back together as well as he could, but all his tools were still broken, and he couldn’t fix them without the parts that the Parasprites had eaten. He was tempted to give them a shot anyway, to see if he could put something together with the damaged tools.
Eventually, though, he decided there wasn’t much point - he still had that backlog to get to, and besides, he didn’t even know what he wanted to build. So, he turned and headed back upstairs, fixed himself some breakfast, and sat down to eat. Lapis took a swig of the coffee, found that it had already cooled considerably, and was helping himself to another few mouthfuls when he spotted something on the other side of the window. Turning the corner onto the main street was an orange Earth-pony with a blondish sort of mane and a weathered brown Stetson hat.
He recognized the pony at once, and frowned. Huh. That’s odd. Normally, he didn’t see Applejack in town unless it was a weekend - he assumed that farmwork in the summer kept her too busy for much leisure.
Wonder what’s going on there, Lapis thought, watching as Applejack stopped another pony - hey, it’s Derpy Hooves! She’s up early - and struck up some brief conversation. Whatever Applejack’s doing, I probably won’t need to work around her.
Then Derpy pointed right toward Lapis’ shop.
Uh. Derpy? What’re you doing?
Applejack nodded and smiled. Then, she turned right toward Lapis’ shop.
Derpy?!
Applejack started heading toward Lapis’ shop at a brisk trot.
Derpy, what did you DO?! Lapis stood up, grabbed his mug and plate, and hurried back into the kitchen, closing the door behind himself and bracing it shut.
This was bad. This was very, very bad. One of the protagonists was actually coming to visit him, directly. Why? Why now? Why today? I’m gonna need to move. I’ll need to find a whole new shop, I’ll have to pack all my damn stuff, and-
Lapis was shaken from his thoughts by a knock at the door. “Hello?” a twangy voice called, muffled by the walls. “Anypony home?”
Please go away. Please go away. Please go away.
“…S’pose not, huh?”
“Yeah, he usually isn’t,” said another voice - Derpy’s, Lapis thought. “That’s what the corkboard’s for, see? You take one of these little slips, write up what you need, and stick it to the board with a tack. Then, once he’s done his job, you drop the bits here, and that’s that!”
“Huh,” Applejack replied. “This feller’s got it down to a business then, don’t he?”
“He has to, y’know? A lot of stuff gets broken in Ponyville.” Derpy chuckled. “I hit a lot fewer mailboxes now than I used to, but that barely puts a dent in all this.”
“Ya don’t say,” Applejack muttered, and the sound of rustling paper reached Lapis’ ears. “…Hold on, does this one say it’s from the Mayor?”
“Probably. ‘Check support beams and arches for central stage room…’ Wow, that’s a lot of arches.”
“So, he won’t arrive for at least a day?”
“At most a day,” Derpy said. “He’s got a lot on his plate, but he’s fast. You won’t need to worry about your rafter for long.”
“If ya say so,” Applejack replied, and a second or two later the distinct thunk of a tack entering the request-board reached Lapis’ ears. “Anyhow, Ah was goin’ to meet up with Pinkie Pie, and see if she knew any good places to pick up some bakin’ supplies…”
Applejack’s voice faded out as she and Derpy wandered off, but the gears were already turning in Lapis’ head. Okay, this is salvageable. She’s got a broken rafter, or something?
Lapis waited a few more seconds, then set down his breakfast, rushed to the notice board, grabbed the new request slip, and hurried back inside to look it over. Yeah, a broken rafter. She just wants it braced. But it sounds like Applejack’s going to be preoccupied in town for at least a little while, so…
Lapis nodded, set his jaw, then trotted back into the kitchen and slammed back his entire mug of coffee. So, if I knock this out right now, then there’s no risk of running into Applejack, and I’ll be headed back home in time for lunch.
Yeah. Lapis smirked down at his breakfast sandwich. It’ll be that easy. Sure.
He stuffed the rest of the sandwich into his mouth. Then, ten seconds later, he was out the door and headed for the Apple family farm.
It was a cloudy day in Ponyville. The sun wasn’t shining, instead casting its diffused glow through the pale, near-white color of the sky, which was only occasionally highlighted by a wisp of thicker cloud cover. That wasn’t to say it was gloomy, though - birds were still singing in the trees, and even the sporadic rustling noises of the critters seemed to be somehow cheerful. The emerald canopies of the trees on Sweet Apple Acres, some still dotted with the gleaming scarlet shapes of apples, almost brought a smile to Lapis’ face as he slowly, carefully advanced up the hill toward the Apple family barn.
The job he was here to to was simple, at least on its surface. One of the rafters in the Apple family’s storage barn was cracked, and they wanted it braced, so there was no chance of its falling apart at an inopportune time. Or at any time.
Lapis, however, had an entire barrel of the Apple family’s cider sitting on his counter, apparently donated by Big Mac and the rest of the family as a get-well-soon gift, and so he suspected subtler means. The Apple family was one of the more self-sufficient families in Ponyville. They’d raised their own barns before; if they wanted their rafter braced up, there was a fair chance they could do it themselves.
As evidence went, it wasn’t much to go off of. But, to Lapis, there was a fair chance that the repair slip in his bag was little more than a convenient excuse to get him to come over, have some dinner, and get to know him a little. And considering he’d had to take a half-hour’s detour on the way to Sweet Apple Acres, in order to avoid the side of town where Rainbow Dash was organizing some cloud-clearing, Lapis got the feeling that today wasn’t a good day to take his chances.
Under any other circumstances, Lapis would’ve been almost happy to head on over, but there was a problem: Applejack Apple. Applejack, as it happened, was one of the Element Bearers - meaning, if he went anywhere near her, there was a very good chance he’d mess up the timeline. And if that happened, then Lapis would lose one of the few precious advantages he had in Equestria: his knowledge, however patchy, of the future. Not to mention the possibility that, by changing the future, Lapis would somehow disrupt the general tendency of Equestria to let things generally turn out alright.
It was, at least in his mind, entirely possible that the fate of the world rested on Applejack’s not seeing him repair the barn’s roof, and therefore, it was justified that he should come up with some brilliant plan.
Unfortunately, Lapis didn’t have a plan.
I mean, I tried, he thought, as he rounded a dense cluster of apple trees, finally catching sight of the barn. I was coming up with ideas all the way here. But at the end of the day, the thing I’ve learned is…
Lapis caught sight of who was on the Apple family’s front lawn, and froze in his tracks, his eyes snapping wide open.
…The thing is, no plan survives contact with Ponyville.
On the one hand, Applejack was nowhere in sight. This was good; it meant that she might still be in Ponyville, and that Lapis could proceed as if she weren’t around.
On the other hand, Pinkie and Twilight were both on Applejack’s lawn. This was bad.
Reflexively, Lapis yanked the mask out of his saddlebag and strapped it across his face, ducking behind a tree as he went. Okay. This is… fine. Sure. I can just go away, and come back later. It’ll give me time to come up with some better ideas.
…Or, for all I know, Pinkie is just hanging out here for the week, and I’ll have no idea until Applejack thinks I’m avoiding her on purpose. And if that happens, she might leave me alone… or, she might make a point of hunting me down to find out what my problem is.
Lapis sighed, attempting to facehoof, but only succeeded in smashing his entire face under the mask, wincing and pulling his hoof away. Why can’t anything be easy?
He peeked around the tree, trying to observe what Twilight and Pinkie were up to. Pinkie seemed, as far as Lapis could tell, to just be going about her day as normal - just then, she was smelling some flowers. Lapis quickly switched his focus to Twilight.
She was… training a pair of binoculars on Pinkie, from the opposite side of a small stack of hay bales next to the door of the storage barn that Lapis had to make his way into. Lapis cocked his head, then took a closer look.
Twilight was wearing what looked like a pith hat, over a look of grim determination. She was covered in Band-Aids - which, for some reason, were the same hue of pale brown as back on Earth - and she was dictating to Spike. Spike, meanwhile, was bearing nothing unusual besides a notepad and a pencil, taking notes while Twilight spoke.
…Well, Lapis thought, at least those binoculars aren’t pointed at me, and at least she isn’t guarding the door on purpose. Still, I’d better not get her attention. There’s a lot of trees here, but the binoculars might still make it easier for her to track me down.
…Not to mention Pinkie’s still around. Running from Twilight when it was just Twilight almost got me caught, but I definitely don’t think I could escape from Twilight and Pinkie at the same time. Lapis swallowed, and he felt his ears flop back on his head.
Then again, she’s pretty focused on Pinkie… maybe I could just sneak around behind her? Lapis considered the idea for all of five seconds before snorting and shaking his head, deliberately flicking his ears back upright. Sneaking up from behind is the last thing you ever do to a horse. The last thing.
…I just got out of the hospital for overuse of magic, damn it. Don’t make me cast that invisibility spell again, I barely remember the incantation. Please. Please?
Lapis grimaced. Then, slowly, he rounded the tree and started creeping up the hill through the orchards, keeping the incantation in mind without reciting it. He stayed low, doing his best to keep out of Twilight’s field of view - which, sadly, meant going behind her. Through sheer dumb luck, Pinkie didn’t seem to be looking his way, either. Occasionally she would glance in his and Twilight’s shared general direction, and Lapis would freeze where he was, hardly daring to breathe, until he looked away.
He got within ten yards of the door, got into a bush, and suddenly realized how stupid he was being. What the hell was I thinking?! I should’ve just stayed put and waited for them to leave, then come back later!
Focus. I can still do this. This barn probably has a back door. If it does, then I can go through there, fix the rafter, and get out. And if it doesn’t, well, that just puts a whole barn between me and these three.
Lapis hesitated, then rose from the bushes, not taking his eyes off Twilight and Spike as he crossed below the white picket-fence that outlined the Apple family’s residence- and his hooves thunked down on something wooden, loud.
Shitshitshit! Lapis dove over the fence and back into the bush at once, only remembering after a second to tug his tail in behind him. He didn’t dare to stick his head clear of the shrubbery, opting instead to peer through the foliage.
To his dismay, Twilight had perked up- but she wasn’t looking at him. Instead, her gaze was trained on Pinkie, who appeared to be having some kind of muscle spasm - as Lapis watched, bewildered, her ears flopped forward and back atop her head, her eyes fluttered, and her knees jittered beneath her.
“Hold on,” Lapis heard Spike say, and he turned back to look at Twilight and Spike. “You told me that’s the combo that says ‘watch out for opening doors!’”
Twilight scoffed as Spike abandoned the cover of the hay-bales, seeking shelter behind another stack nearer to Pinkie. “You really, really believe in this stuff, don’t you? Here, let me show you there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
…Oh, this is Pinkie-sense stuff. ‘Watch out for opening doors?’ Like, when they slam open and catch on your leg? Lapis frowned, watching as Spike continued to cower. Then, he looked at the space where he’d stepped a few moments before, and blinked in surprise - there, set into the earth and painted red, was what looked like the door to a storm shelter. Well, I guess I could disarm this one. Just in case.
Lapis gave the handle of the door a brief, sharp magical yank, and the door swung open, the glow of his magic on the handle only visible for the briefest moment. His satisfied grin froze on his face as Twilight approached the doorway, not looking where she was going, and dropped directly into the stairwell-
“Whaaa-!”
OH FUCK-
Lapis reached out and tried to telekinetically grab onto Twilight- and for a moment, it worked, Twilight’s fall slowing midair, her neck rotating away from the edge of a stair as a coat of Lapis’ brown magic wrapped around her. Then, suddenly, Lapis’ grip snapped like a rubber band, and Twilight’s fall resumed, Lapis helpless to do anything but watch as she rolled down the stairs and out of sight, yelping in pain with every bump.
Oh shit. Oh shit, did I just-
“Twilight!” a voice echoed from the inside of the cellar, as Spike hurried over to peer down. “You came over to visit mah new apple-cellar! How nice! …Twi? You okay? Uh, Twi?”
Spike must’ve caught sight of Twilight, because he let out a sigh of relief, then winced. Lapis felt himself relaxing a little. Okay. I think she’s alive.
“…I think I just sprained my fetlocks,” Twilight’s voice echoed up, and this time Lapis sighed with relief, too. “Applejack, why in Equestria did you leave that door open?!”
“Whuh- Ah did no such thing, sugarcube,” Applejack’s voice echoed up, and Lapis swallowed. Oh, bad bad bad. She must’ve gotten back here during the detour. Shit! “Didn’t you walk across it a few moments ago?”
“I don’t know, but I saw it swinging open!” Spike called down. “That’s amazing, Pinkie totally called it!”
Twilight groaned, more in annoyance than pain, and Lapis suddenly remembered why he was hiding in a bush. He looked over at Pinkie, and saw that she was just turning away from the cellar door, bouncing off into the orchards. Okay. There’s Pinkie, there’s Twilight, there’s Applejack and Spike. I don’t hear anypony in the barn, so as soon as I’ve got an opening, I take it.
A few seconds later, Applejack emerged from the barn, an annoyed-looking Twilight slung across her back like a sack of potatoes. “C’mon, Twi, let’s get you to Ponyville General. They’ll have some braces for your fetlocks, Ah’m sure of it.”
“Thanks, Applejack,” Twilight muttered, and Lapis held his breath as her gaze swept over the bush where he was hiding, ready to recite the invisibility incantation at a moment’s notice - then, she and Applejack passed by, Spike following behind. Lapis waited until they were down the road and out of sight, then he emerged from the bush, tucking the mask into his saddlebag, and darted into the barn.
Shit, he thought, peering up into the dark of the rafters and searching for any sign of a crack. Too close. Way too close.
Bon Bon had explained the whole Pinkie-Sense deal to him not long after they’d met. He’d been skeptical initially, but after seeing how seriously Bon Bon seemed to take it, he decided to humor her - and, the first time he’d seen Pinkie’s tail twitching, he’d ducked for cover just in time to dodge one of Derpy Hooves’ finer landings. After that, no further convincing was required…
Except maybe it should’ve been, Lapis thought, scanning the shadowed rafters for any sign of a crack. Maybe I should’ve had a little less faith in Pinkie Pie’s muscle spasms. Maybe then I wouldn’t have ended up putting Twilight in danger, again.
He spotted the crack, and one flash of light and burst of heat on his flank later, the rafter was whole. I need to be more careful.
Lapis got out of Sweet Apple Acres almost without further incident - on his way out, he spotted Big Mac cresting a hill. They exchanged a wave, but Lapis headed for the hills before any further hospitalities could take place. After all, there were a lot of arches in the Town Hall.
Once Lapis got back to Ponyville, and confirmed that Rainbow had wrapped up her duties, he immediately set about clearing out as much of his backlog as possible. He didn’t manage to get to the arches in Town Hall, but he took care of at least a third of the backlog, mostly by skipping all the other roofing jobs. Those, I’m saving for cool weather, so I don’t end up dripping sweat into somepony’s roof again.
The following morning, Lapis had just finished breakfast and was getting ready to check his workload for the day when a knock came at his door. A quick glance through the window confirmed that it was Mayor Mare, and so he opened it up. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“Busy, but forget me, Lapis, how are you?” Mayor Mare said, quickly making her way inside. “Only three days out of the hospital, and already back to work?”
“Yep. Much as I wish I could rest, this town doesn’t fix itself,” Lapis confirmed. “What brings you over here, anyway? I doubt you’re just checking in.”
Mayor Mare nodded. “Unfortunately, you’re right. While you were… indisposed, I knew you were looking for the blueprints of this building, and it got me a little curious, myself. So, I went digging in the archives, and as it turns out, those blueprints don’t exist.”
Lapis blinked. “You’re sure?”
“Positive,” Mayor Mare confirmed. “I went looking before and after Ms. Sparkle re-organized the building, and I couldn’t see so much as one square inch of this house’s plans.”
Uh-oh. “Okay, weird question, but did you just say Twilight Sparkle re-organized your archives? Like, on her own?”
Mayor Mare’s ears pricked up, and a faint crease appeared on her brow. “Well… yes, I did. Once she’d finished writing up the damage report, she was kind enough to offer me a summary of the magical principles involved in your… incident, and that wound up including a full re-organization of the Town Hall archives.”
“You had her write a damage report,” Lapis asked, panic rising in his gut.
“I did, but… well, Ms. Heartstrings had a word with me about your relations, and I made sure not to tell Ms. Sparkle that you were the responsible pony,” Mayor Mare said. “…I’m sorry if I’m intruding, Lapis, but what happened between you and the Element Bearers? They’re nice ponies, and I’d hate to think they’ve made some sort of mistake.”
“It’s not that anything happened,” Lapis quickly said, “it’s more that… well, I’ve been in Ponyville for a little longer than a month now, and they’ve been responsible for about a third of the broken stuff I’ve fixed - more, if you count Rainbow. …That reminds me, actually,” Lapis added, “have you ever heard of something called ‘restricted airspace’ before?”
Mayor Mare chuckled. “I have, but somehow, I doubt Ms. Dash would constrain herself by it. Besides, she is captain of the weather team, so technically she’s doing her job up there.”
“Oh. Well, there goes that plan,” Lapis sighed. “I mean, I guess she’s making me money and all, but still…”
“Yes, I expect the local thatchmakers are very confident in their job security,” Mayor Mare agreed. “Oh! Right, I almost forgot. It’s not only the blueprints for your house that are missing, though I’ll likely be sending somepony over to conduct a survey of your property shortly. There’s also no record of the last… well, of any of the previous ponies who lived here, at least none that I could find.”
“That’s… disturbing,” Lapis muttered. “So, another weird question, but have you mentioned any of this to Bon Bon?”
Mayor Mare cocked her head. “Bon Bon? No, I can’t say I have. Why, do you think she might be able to shed some light on the situation?”
“Call it a hunch, but yeah, I get the feeling she’ll wanna know,” Lapis replied. If I'm lucky, she'll be able to take care of... whatever this is, before it affects me. “Oh, yeah. You turned in a job about the rafters and arches in Town Hall, right?”
“Oh, that, yes,” Mayor Mare said, waving a hoof. “That’s just another consultation, feel free to save it for last. There’s nothing wrong that I can find, the building just sounds a little bit… creaky, lately, and I wanted some more experienced eyes to make sure the Parasprites hadn’t eaten anything structurally important.”
“Alright, then the arches and the support pillars are happening today,” Lapis said, “because I’m sure nopony in Ponyville wants Town Hall getting run out of tents. The rafters will have to wait, though. I’m saving all my roofwork up for one day, just so that I can get it all over with at once.”
“Be sure not to let it sit too long,” Mayor Mare said, turning for the door. “I tried saving up some paperwork for a ‘Taxes Day’ last month, and I ended up putting it off for…” Mayor Mare paused, briefly tapping her chin with her hoof. Then her eyes widened, and for several uncomfortable seconds, she stared off into space.
“Oh,” she eventually said, then she had a quick, nervous laugh. “Well, I guess I’d better be going, then!”
“See you around!” Lapis called, as the Mayor started trotting back toward Town Hall. Then, shaking his head in amusement, he grabbed another sheaf off his request board, and started looking it over, quickly re-pinning the roofing jobs back to the board. Nothing too unusual, just an extra-large helping of his normal work, until…
…Oh, come on! Really?! Again?!
He had another job request from Sweet Apple Acres - this time, though, instead of a rafter, the request simply read ‘Re-attach blade to lumber sled.’
At this rate, Lapis thought, I might need to write her a letter or something.
…No, that would be insane. ‘Dear Applejack, despite the fact that we’ve never met, and that you’ve never expressed any good regard for me to anypony I talk to on a regular basis, I believe that all the repair jobs you’re sending me are secretly attempts to get me to stay over for dinner. While I appreciate your unspoken invitations, I fear I must decline, as I am severely allergic to the color orange. Apologies and well-wishes, Lapis Print. P.S. - paint won’t work; I’ve tried.’
Maybe I’d better drop by the next time she’s out of town? Lapis thought, slowly gearing up for the other jobs on his list. Have dinner with the Apple family, without Applejack?
…That might work. Okay, so that’s the theory, but in the meantime…
Lapis looked at the repair sheet again, then swallowed. In the meantime, I need to fix this railing, or eventually she might decide to just show up here and wait.
If I’m lucky, she’ll be in the orchards when I arrive. If I’m unlucky…
As soon as Lapis saw Applejack, he knew something was off.
For one thing, she was dragging the lumber sled that he’d been hired to fix, even despite its detached rail. The rail was sitting atop the lumber sled, and Lapis only needed one look to know he’d be able to repair it inside of five seconds - it was broken right down the middle, but as breaks went, it was pretty clean.
For another thing… well, Lapis didn’t know Applejack very well, but if that squint in her eyes was anything to judge by, she was feeling determined about something. Or stubborn. Maybe both. …Yeah, probably both.
As Lapis observed from just behind the crest of a nearby hill, Applejack dragged the sled to the very bottom of the hill on which the Apple family barn sat. Then, after glancing briefly back at the house, she sat down, staring down along the road that led to Ponyville. And then, she did the one thing that Lapis was most afraid she would do.
She waited.
Shit, Lapis thought. Keep calm. I’ve got this. Think.
The sled is a five-second fix. I need to get in, get it done, and get out - without giving her any more reason to come hunt me down.
I’ve gotta fix the sled today. That’s just a given. I fixed the rafter the day she delivered the order, I need to be consistent, or else.
I’ve also got to get the rest of my backlog done today. Ergo, I can’t just wait around here forever - either Applejack gives up inside of, let’s say, half an hour, or I need to get her away from the sled somehow.
Lapis ducked back down below the top of the hill, then started rifling through his saddlebags, ignoring the wetness at his back - it must’ve rained the night before, because the grass was half-soaked with dew. Any distraction I come up with needs to not seem like a distraction. I can’t just make any random loud noise, it needs to seem like something that could normally happen in an apple orchard…
…Wait, why is the Happy Sauce in here?
Lapis frowned, then levitated the bottle of glowing, rainbow-hued hot sauce out of his bag. “Did Nikki put this in here?” he muttered, then he inspected the bottle again. Maybe I grabbed it when I was packing, somehow?
Something about the bottle was niggling at him, and as Lapis stared down at that sharply-painted smiley face, he realized what it was - the color. The rainbow color.
Hadn’t Bon Bon said something about the Apple family having rainbow-colored apples?
And all at once, a plan formed in his head. It was quick, easy, and it even fit with the same bizarre cartoon logic that seemed to explain Pinkie’s behavior.
I take an apple, Lapis thought, and I coat it in the Happy Sauce, so it’ll look close enough to a Zap-Apple. I pick a hill, far from me, and I get the apple to roll down it, so it just happens to stop near Applejack. Applejack sees it, thinks it’s a Zap-Apple, and thinks that either the trees have bloomed early or that some animal is pilfering her crop. Either way, she runs off to go check, I fix the lumber cart, and hopefully that’s enough.
Grinning, Lapis levitated an apple off one of the nearby trees and unstoppered the bottle of Happy Sauce. If I’m really lucky, she might even take a bite of it, and go run to get some water…
…to wash the sauce down with.
Lapis hesitated, a drop of the Happy Sauce dangling from the neck of the bottle just an inch or two above the surface of the apple, the condiment shimmering in the sunlight. Maybe it was only because he could smell it, but all of a sudden, that same awful spicy taste was back in his mouth, glued right back onto his tongue, the roof of his mouth, searing itself into the back of his throat…
And everything he remembered had come from one drop.
The drop split from the neck of the bottle, falling toward the apple’s shining surface, and Lapis yanked the apple out of the way, righting and corking the bottle. Wait, what the HELL am I thinking?! Didn’t I just decide I needed to be more careful?!
It would work. Somehow, Lapis knew it would work, and that knowledge was just enough to make him hesitate. Then, setting his jaw, he returned the bottle of Happy Sauce to his saddlebags. Nope. Not gonna happen. I’ll find another way-
“Applejack!” a deep voice twanged, and Lapis froze, his eyes snapping open as he pressed himself flat against the back of the hill.
“Oh! Uh, Big Macintosh!” he heard Applejack reply. “What brings you out here?”
“What’s keepin’ you out here?” Big Mac asked, and Lapis hazarded another glance over top of the hill. Big Mac didn’t look mad, but he was certainly confused. “Applejack, Ah know you know we gotta get the rest of those apples into the apple-cellar. Y’all aren’t waitin’ for that repair-pony to show up, are you?”
“Well... yes Ah am,” Applejack said, “and Ah mean to keep waitin’ till he comes around.”
“Didn’t you say yesterday mornin’ he had half a tree’s worth of paper tacked to his request board?” Big Macintosh asked. “He’s a busy pony, Applejack. Y’all know he’s up to his eyeballs in leftovers from the Parasprites. Ah’m sure he’ll have a moment of free time eventually-”
“You’re darn right, Ah know he’s busy, and that’s the problem!” Applejack said, stepping forward and putting her hoof down. “Big Mac, between the two of us, which one knows better what a village wrecked by three-hundred-some-odd bunny rabbits looks like?”
Big Mac paused, cocking an eyebrow. “Well, Ah’d say you would, considerin’-”
“Wrong.” Applejack drew herself to her full height. “You do, Big Mac. An’ Ah know you do, because Ah was so tired, all Ah can remember is one big, blurry blob. Now, since you know that, about how much time do y’all think it took this Lapis feller to clean up after that bunny stampede?”
About a day and a half, Lapis thought. Big Mac, not being telepathic, remained silent.
“When Ah took Twilight to Ponyville General,” Applejack said, “an’ mentioned in passin’ to the nurse that Ah was waitin’ to get that rafter fixed, she said that the repair-pony had only gotten outta bed two days ago. That's three days, now, but three days ain’t enough time to recover, Big Mac. You know it ain’t.”
“…E-yup,” Big Mac admitted. “But Ah don’t think you’ve seen this pony fixin’ stuff, either. Ah have, and from what Ah’ve seen, it’s not nearly so taxin’ as apple-buckin’.”
“Big Mac,” Applejack began, but Big Macintosh put his hoof on her shoulder. “This ain’t his apple-buckin’ season, Applejack. Ah’ll bet that won’t happen ‘til the winter snows come down. But ours is still happenin’ right now, and we’ve got enough to do already, without workin’ up a sweat over every guest an’ greetin’. You wanna make sure nopony pushes themselves too hard?” He reached down, then poked Applejack in the chest. “Start with this one. Now, c’mon, the sooner we get those apples into the cellar, the sooner we can start with the cider.”
Applejack sighed, her ears flopping back. “Alright, Ah hear ya. But we will get him over for supper if Ah see him drop by, Big Mac. Difficult labor or not, if he really has that little spare time, it’ll do him good to get a mite behind on his work.”
Sure won’t, Lapis thought, as Applejack and Big Mac headed back up the hill. As soon as they were over the hill and out of sight, he hurried over to the wagon, jamming the sled back into place and shutting his eyes. He blinked in time with the flash of light, and felt the burst of heat on his flank, but that was all it took - when he opened his eyes, the sled was fixed.
As Lapis turned to leave, he paused, Big Mac’s words reverberating in his head. “This ain’t his apple-buckin’ season…”
Please be wrong, he thought.
Then he started back down the road into Ponyville at a quick trot.
The rest of his workday was more standard fare until around four-thirty, which was when Lapis headed over to Town Hall for the Mayor’s consultation. He had just arrived when Nikki touched down on his shoulder. Lapis gave her a quick boop on the beak, to which Nikki responded by lightly cuffing his ear. Then, they headed inside.
As it turned out, the Mayor tended to keep the interior of the Hall in a bare-bones, no-frills condition whenever the Princess wasn’t in town. Lapis wasn’t a fan, but he had to admit, it really brought out the Roman look of the building. With all the indented pillars, it almost felt like a government building back on Earth… well, except for the gaping hole in the wall.
What the Mayor didn’t do, though, was hire anypony to dust the place. Every shaft of light from the numerous windows was highlighted with a thousand swirling motes, and Lapis found his nose itching after only a few steps inside the building.
The Mayor was waiting for him in front of the stage, staring up toward the balcony that overlooked the rest of the room. She seemed lost in thought, her lips silently moving as she stared up at the blackness between the curtains.
Lapis walked up beside her, glanced up at the balcony, and decided to take a wild guess. “I still can’t believe it’s only been a month.”
Mayor Mare blinked, jerking out of her reverie at once. “Oh! My apologies, Lapis, I didn’t even hear you come in!” She chuckled, then sighed and stared back up at the balcony again. “But, yes. I was thinking much the same myself. Sometimes, I swear it still smells like a storm in here.”
The sound of Nightmare Moon’s insane laughter echoed in Lapis’ ears, but he let the twist of sympathetic emotion wash over him without reaction. “Well, at least nopony got hurt… And at least she’s better now. Princess Luna, I mean.”
“Yes, there is that at least.” The Mayor cleared her throat. “Well, I suppose we’d better get to business. It feels like this building’s been creaking in the wind a bit more than usual lately, which is why I hired you to come in and check it out. Just… tighten the bolts and patch up the cracks, I suppose.”
“Makes sense,” Lapis said, nodding and looking over the building. “You know, it’s not unusual at all for a building to move with the wind. Better to bend and stand back up than to fall over stiff.”
“Yes… Lapis, am I a bad mayor?”
Lapis paused, Nikki fluttering her wings to keep her balance as he stopped. “What?”
“Me,” Mayor Mare said, her ears flicking back. “I mean, first it’s finding the carpenter-ponies to put together a new section of wall, then it’s your missing paperwork, and now it’s a six-inch stack of tax papers on my desk.
“And besides,” she added, “I’ve been thinking, and… when all that nastiness with Nightmare- eh, I mean, Princess Luna - happened, I just… panicked. Everything felt like it was falling down around me, and I tried to help keep things in order, but before I knew it, the whole town was screaming and running in circles. It took you and Bon Bon coming in to stop things from getting worse, and even then, I couldn’t figure out how to make it better without her practically telling me what to do!”
The Mayor sighed, lowering her head. “I feel like… it might be better for Ponyville if I weren’t the one in charge. If maybe somepony else was running things, instead of me.”
Lapis hesitated, then slowly turned to face the Mayor. Well, shit. What am I supposed to say, here?
“…I mean, I could be wrong,” Lapis began, “but I haven’t seen anypony else in town with a sealed decree on their flank.”
Wait, how long have I been saying ‘everypony’ for? …Later. That’s a crisis for later. Deal with this one first. And speaking of crises…
As Mayor Mare looked up, Lapis remembered how he’d almost risked giving Applejack chemical burns in her mouth. Then, he realized who hadn’t needed to stop and think, and suddenly he knew what to say.
“And, for what it’s worth, you and the rest of this town were confronted by the stuff of nightmares,” Lapis said. “Of course you panicked, all of you. What’s different about you is that when you panicked, your instinct was to help everypony else. You put them first. That might not be the reason you got your Mark, but - at least in my books - it does make you Mayor material. Make sense?”
Mayor Mare hesitated, then slowly nodded, a smile spreading across her face. “…Well, yes. When you put it that way, I suppose it does.”
“Good,” Lapis said, feeling a relieved grin spread across his own face. “So, Ms. Mayor, where do you need me to check first?”
“Oh! Right, yes. If you could look over the top of those pillars, by the north window…”
Lapis levitated his ladder over, climbed up, and started examining the pillars. They were, as far as he could tell, undamaged - he wasn’t enough of an architect to judge how tight the bolts should be, but they didn’t look like they were rusted or anything, so that was close enough for him. “All looking good so far,” Lapis called out, briefly glancing out the window. I wonder if I can see my house from here… Nope. Yeah, it's on the other side, right.
“Alright,” Mayor Mare called back. “Well, keep going, and if you find anything, let me know. And… thank you, Lapis, for letting me drop that on you. I’m feeling much better now.”
“Least I could do,” Lapis replied, climbing down the ladder and moving on to the next pillars.
He didn’t end up finding anything. Lapis left Town Hall after about half an hour, barely fending off the Mayor’s third apology for her apparent lapse, and headed back for his shop. Despite himself, he smiled at the sight of his request board. Halfway done. At this rate, I’ll be able to slow down again in… about two days, assuming Roof Day doesn’t-
“Uh, pardon me, Lapis?”
“Hey, how’s it-,” Lapis said, turning to see who’d spoken - and stopped, his eyes widening as he realized it was Big Macintosh.
Lapis didn’t see any sign of Applejack, but he tried to ready the invisibility incantation, just in case. “Oh hey, what’s up, Big Mac? Thanks for the cider, by the way, it’s been great so far.”
“Don’t mention it,” Big Mac said. “Glad to see you outta the hospital and drinkin’ it. Ah was just over here to drop off the bits for fixin’ up that rafter and the sled, but… well, Ah was wonderin’, are you avoidin’ mah sister at all?”
Shit. “Uh, you mean Applejack? The Element Bearer? No way, what makes you think I’ve been avoiding her?”
Big Mac shrugged. “Well, it’s likely just a coincidence, but somehow or another, all three times you dropped by to fix somethin’, she wasn’t around to see you do it.”
“Huh,” Lapis said, rubbing the back of his neck, and doing everything he could to not let his ears flop back. “That’s… surprising. Maybe I just have bad timing, or something?”
“E-yup,” Big Mac said. “That’s what Ah thought. …Oh, and Ah see you’ve been puttin’ a dent in that corkboard of yours.”
“Yep, sure have,” Lapis said. Yes. Please. Ask me about my workload, not Applejack. Anything but Applejack. “I’ll have it blank two days from now, at this rate.”
“E-yup. That’s still an awful lot of stuff to fix all by yourself, though,” Big Mac said, staring up at the workload. “Are you sure you’re not overworkin’ yourself? Not at all?”
…Anything but that, or Applejack. “Not gonna lie, it’s rough,” Lapis sighed. “But I’ll make it just fine. I’ve pulled off crazier stuff before, and I’ll probably do it again.”
Big Mac cocked an eyebrow, then sighed, and for half a second, something that looked like an exasperated grin flashed across his face. “Well, if you say so. Anyway, Ah better get you your bits and get on back, ‘fore Granny Smith gets to wonderin’ why Ah’m takin’ so long. Y’all should drop by sometime, Ah think she’s fixin’ to make a pie soon.”
“Oh, thanks,” Lapis said, as Big Mac reached into his own saddlebags and presented Lapis with a surprisingly hefty sack of bits. “See you around, Big Mac!”
“See you!” Big Mac replied. Then, Big Mac turned and headed down the street, rounding a corner toward Sweet Apple Acres and vanishing from sight.
As soon as Big Mac was gone, Lapis stepped inside his home, shut the door, and immediately slumped against it, sitting on the floor with a thump.
“I’ve gotta get out of here,” he muttered. “I need to get some time to stop, and think things through, and let stuff here cool off.”
Slowly, he stood back up and plodded over to his basement, scuffing through a large, dusty hoofprint near the counter. When he reached the basement, he sat at the workbench, staring down at the single piece of wooden shrapnel that he’d saved from the mana concentrator. Then, he turned to glance around at his half-eaten rack of tools.
It’s only gonna get harder, he realized. Avoiding them, without causing any extra trouble. It’s only going to get more difficult, unless I meet them, and I can’t let that happen. Magic isn’t enough - I need better equipment, too.
Absently, he picked up a slightly-chewed copper ingot from a stack beside the anvil, levitating it over to his side. Most of the words on its surface were too tooth-marked to read, but one glimmered against the surface of the ingot:
‘AMBERHOOF’.
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Nasa employee: Oh hey you guys are back early
Astronaut: Moon's haunted
Nasa employee: ...What?
Astronaut: *loads gun and gets back in the ship* Moon's haunted
Did I hear a Rock and Stone?
Ah, lovely lovely character development, always a joy to see. Lapis and Applejack have officially begun their passive-aggressive contest of stubbornness.
He needs to move out, to a town where the main six never went, like trotingham, or Baltimare, in ponyville is just a matter of time he meets some of the bearers.
Always love your updates. One might say I am addicted to them. So, I really wish this was a longer fic, and more than (2?) chapters left. You planning a sequel, or writing similar stories?
11302173
Wait this story has 2 chapters left?
Man, I love the whole strategy of fixing things without being caught by the M6. It’s just so much fun to read that and he can definitely fit the show canon rightly.
I felt sad that Big Mac asked that… Lapris might end up making ponies see him as somepony rude or to avoid but still giving him jobs all because how he does everything he can to not mess with the M6.
I don’t know how far you’ll go for the story. But I hope it’s long just for the fun of seeing how he survives.
Also, I hated that season 10 comics… I like some details here or there but it’s like… it doesn’t work for me. I don’t mind you taking the comics and adding to the story. Nothing wrong there
Reminded me of terraria
I'm really hoping the big confrontation comes soon. He's currently got three of the Mane 6 trying to find him, and at some point they gotta realize they're all looking for the same pony. As always, you've got me eagerly watching for the next chapter!
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Last the author said, they were shooting for ~10 - 12 chapters, yeah.
Caught a typo.
do
Me raising ⛏ then shouts, "Rock and Stone!"
11302201
Oh… well the description of the story always felt like it would be a really long tale. I can’t imagine seeing this end in 10-12 chapters because it’s been really good.
11302173
I may have missed something but when did he state there was two chapters left?
Applejack actively setting a trap...the walls are closing in Lapis. What are you going to do?
Great chapter! Interesting to see rainbows aren't good as a spice...the zap-apple bait was an inspired idea, but sadly not to be. That would have been a pretty great prank, though.
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He said it in a comment on Chapter 4. Estimate is 10 chapters, but it will take as long as it needs to. I know from experience that stories tend to require more writing than you think, but it's still going to be a short story. Short-ish, we're already almost at 100K words.
11302241
Ah, thank you.
Lapis, fixer of lawns, structure pillars, and mental health!
Truly a man that can fix anything!
What's this!? A Deep Rock Galactic reference!
The moon is also haunted. Some dude even went there with a gun
Glad he didn’t risk the possible poisoning, but I imagine AJ would have been able to smell or feel something was off unless that stuff caramelizes unbelievably quickly.
I'm really surprised he doesn't confide in Big Macintosh. He is like the most able pony in Ponyville who could share some cider, be told the whole truth about everything, take the whole thing in stride and not reveal the secret. He could also be a major help when it comes to keeping out of things.
Beyond that, I could see Lapis joining Big Macintosh and Spike for Ogres and Oubliettes with Discord.
They are going after him >:)
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To be fair Lapis and Big Mac aren't that close friends yet. With how much Apples care about their family IMO it wasn't certain what would Big Mac do: would he hide the truth from his sister for the sake of a random acquaintance?
Also there's the problem that "by the way I'm an alien from different dimension and I know the future, so I can't meet your sister" sounds more than a bit crazy. If a friend of mine told me something like this, I'd try to convince him to visit a therapist.
Rock and Pone?
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Truly the Flex Tape of Equestria
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FOR KARL!
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TL;DR - I’m bad at math, it’s more than 10 chapters now.
Alright, all y’all calm down, we’re not done yet! I’ll be honest - when I said 10 chapters sounded like a good number, I was seriously overestimating my ability to get stuff done inside of 10 chapters. Writing a project of this scale past the outlining stage is a little new to me, so I was expecting the finished product to fit inside of 100k - the fact that this story’s coming up on a 6-digit word count, despite Lapis’ not even having been to Amberhoof yet, is legitimately catching me off-guard. We are, at most, halfway to 3/5ths done with this part - so yeah, longer than 10 chapters, plus I’m definitely not publishing the whole of this as one book, so don’t worry about it!
right to the heart of matters he knows he needs some serious upgrades for the big damages to come and tools against big baddies on a rampage or the aftermath of events and shennanigans of ponies...
it all must be cleaned and repaired unnaturally quick and he needs vacation time for certain events when hard things need to happen for the main six to fix and grow like winter round up or when the cutie mark crusaders are born... then discord chaos magic maybe a trip before the crusader school trip.
he really needs to up his mana pool soon make your sister proud my guy!
Lapis lived a difficult life in Ponyville with all the avoiding thing. Wonder who will be discovered by the Mane 6 first, Lapis or Kevin?
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Kevin? What are you talking about?
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Kevin, a changeling, and fan of weddings. Someone Bon Bon would loooove to meet.
11302458
ROCK AND STONE, TO THE BONE
This is just really human, just thought it was cool.
ROCK...AND...STONE!!
11302458
Yeah. I know exactly that dilemma, and even guessed it in one of my later comments.
I'm not 100% sure what this means, but I'll choose to believe that you are saying that there will be a couple sequels.
11302543
Oh THAT Kevin! Now I remember. Thanks!
Damn, and I only just played deep rock galactic for the first time last week. Ain't that a coincidence?
Is this entire dream sequence a reference to a game? I can't remember the name of the game but it reminds me of a 4 player game where you are galactic dwarves being sent out to gather different ores and stuff.
Nice deep rock scene. I hope him avoiding the main six ends fairly soon its getting more annoying then funny. Either by him stop being so anal or the story focusing on something else.
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DO I HEAR A ROCK AND STONE!
ROCK AND STONE!
Great chapter and I'm in the same boat as slider, addicted to this story XD
11302779
I disagree. The story's premises is built on that concept. I'm more interested in seeing his ingenuity in creating artifice that will help him. I know that were I forced into a similar situation, the Neuralizer from Men in Black would be a spell-artifice thing in my mind from the early moments of learning about artifice.
After all, you don't need to worry about getting caught if you can wipe the last 3 to 10 minutes of someone's memory.
Rock and Stone! And I see Lapis is a fellow sling-swinger as well. Scouts unite!
A deep cyan eyed pigeon though? Luna be watching, and she's keenly interested.
Looks like Lapis is still building a cardhouse of lies. "I'm not avoiding Applejack" being a particularly wobbly card to play, what with how easy it tips in the face of his efforts to do just that.
Clearly, Lapis’s dream sequence is just his subconscious pointing out to him that all his attempts to avoid the Mane Six and otherwise keep his secrets strictly to himself merely constitute digging himself steadily deeper.
And yeah, that subplot is bound to draw to a close fairly soon, I think; Ponyville isn’t that great a place to hide in from ponies who live there, at the rate Lapis’s “research” is going he won’t be going back home anytime this year, and so unless he should abruptly decide to cut his ties and run to somewhere else altogether on the map of Equestria a confrontation of some sort is all but inevitable -- pretty much all that’s kept it from happening so far, I think, is that our friends haven’t quite sat down to compare notes with regard to their individual suspicions yet, and there’s only so much dumb luck in the world to keep that state of affairs going.
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11302689
Yeah, absolutely NOT me....
*Kevin Lee throws a smoke bomb and quickly runs away*
As for Lapis, I'd say it's already too late for him to ever get back to Earth...
He's now dreaming of himself as a pony and not as a human anymore--which means he has, deep down, accepted he's found a home here.
He simply doesn't realize how futile his efforts will be, but that won't stop them from being entertaining....
For all you about to rock and stone, We Salute You!
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Yep, that's what I meant!
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Oh good, I was worried I'd done the main Luna hint too subtle again.
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See, I get why you think that. I do; I've been trying to start building the impression that Lapis is acclimating to Equestria - the "everyponies," the immediate jump to Cutie Marks when presented with Mayor Mare's question, etc. The thing is, dreaming of yourself as a pony is a whole other level of acclimation, one that assumes a reasonable reaction to Lapis' situation - and Lapis is not reasonable, as demonstrated by his decision to just entirely avoid the Mane 6, instead of being one more background character for them (like the approach he took for Nightmare Moon.)
So. Bearing in mind his willingness to go to absurd lengths, I'm going to ask you something, and I don't want you to go crazy looking for the answer - if I've done my job right, your first thought will be the correct one. Ready? Here goes:
What is Lapis Print's real name?
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Heck, I've been a pony in dreams sometimes ... Also a dragon... Various other forms. I tend toward winged forms when not human in a dream.
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I'm waiting for the moment where someone gets the full story on Lapis, and their first reaction is going to be taking a deep breath before calmly asking Lapis "So if you wanted to avoid getting involved with the Bearers so the timeline could remain untouched, why did you decide to live in Ponyville, where you are most likely to encounter any of them, instead of say... Canterlot? Which is also our nation's capitol of magic?"
Sure, living in Canterlot would have its own difficulties, but it'd make the whole "not encounter the Bearers" a lot easier. Especially now that he already has the attention of Celestia.
11302827
I’m also imagining him making a portable machine that he can use to cast his mend-all spells from a distant (possibly hidden) location just so that he can fix things without the Mane-six knowing he was there.
And possibly an invisibility helmet or something with his mask as a face-plate. That would make the hiding part of it all much more efficient.
11303034
If I’m remembering correctly: We don’t know, you haven’t told us.
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You’re right, I haven’t - or, more to the point, Lapis hasn’t even thought his own name. Not during/after the dream sequence, not when the Nightmare’s projection knocked him out, not even when he’d just woken up after recovering from the Harmonic Cascade - despite the fact that, just for a second or two, he forgot he was a pony. When he remembered, the first thing he did (besides panic) was to “get in character.” (small note: he didn’t stop to do the same thing at the end of the Summer Sun Celebration, but that’s because I straight-up forgot to make him stop and do so!)
Now, I said earlier that Lapis is unstable, but I’d better clear that up before any of you think I’m throwing amnesia at my problems: I’m trying to portray him as the type of person who seems to have gained some intelligence, by way of sacrificing his common sense. If he were a car, he’d be a sports car with a drunk driver: decently fast, but having some serious difficulty with steering in the right direction. In fact, as some of you have noticed, there’s an argument to be made that he’s currently stuck in reverse - that’s what I meant earlier, when I said he had a willingness to go to absurd lengths.
So: that’s what I’ve tried to put on the table so far. More will come to light later on, but for now, that’s what I’ve tried to put on the table. Whether I’ve succeeded in putting it there is another question, though, so hopefully this’ll help clear things up! Right now, the questions are these, what idea might he have latched onto that would drive him not to say or even think his own name, and what would motivate him strongly enough to follow through with that idea?