• Member Since 17th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Carrier of Heartbreak

Knife guys finish last...in bed.


20-year-old Ryan Burbank is living with his girlfriend in their woodland home when he is struck by a mysterious infection seemingly out of nowhere. To everyone's horror, his sickness spreads quickly throughout his body, shutting him down one piece at a time. The doctors are at a loss of what to do about this new form of bacteria. Ryan and his loved ones choose to keep fighting until either a cure can be discovered...or the pain becomes too much.
At the height of his suffering, he discovers a happy little show while watching television in his hospital room. The bright colors and happy attitudes of the cartoon equines provide him with a much-needed escape from the daily pain of being killed from the inside.
Eventually, the pain becomes too much and he decides it would be better to go out surrounded by his family, in the embrace of those who kept him company throughout his short life. Just as he starts to fade, his eyes wander to the screen of the hospital room television and the cartoon ponies who adorn it. Something strange begins to occur...almost like the screen is pulling him in. Tunnel vision, maybe?
No, that can't be it...why can he hear his name being called by a very familiar voice? And why is she...crying? Who is this crying, familiar voice and why does she seem to know him?



Rated "Teen" for language and the "Sex" tag is for all of the sexual humor and suggestive situations. If I decide to up the suggestive stuff in the future, I'll change the tags and rating to fit that change.

Cover by enamis.

Chapters (21)
Comments ( 1876 )

I will read this when more chapters come out.

I have never wished harder that I could give more than one like. Great job please continue.


I'll get some more out as fast as I can.


Thank you very much!:pinkiehappy: I'm going to continue writing as soon as possible. Also going to continue rereading the first two chapters to knock out any errors I spot.

Not Ryan Noooooooooo:raritydespair:
Poor Lyra almost killed a "soon to be" friend
(Technically did kill but meh progress is progress)
Continue this epic tale good sir/mam

From the ponies perspective "OW" is like our TV companies killing off a main character or something just for ratings and merchandise:raritydespair:. Other than that please more you got me hooked like watching The Walking Dead.:rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh:

A great start to a hopefully greater story.

My only complaint for this chapter is that he wasn't in isolation at all, seems a glaring error in terms of the medical field.


Don't worry, that's one of the things I'll be explaining in the coming chapters.

I approve of this. Continue.

6791449 I really hope you don't have Lyra crack.

Her mind. Reeally don't.

The feels were everywhere in this chapter:fluttercry: + :rainbowlaugh: + :pinkiesad2: + :trollestia: + :rainbowdetermined2: = :raritycry:?

This was like driving through the Feels Mountain Chain on the windiest road, only to fall into the feels river down bellow.

This is a really great story far and I don't see stories of this quality very often. I hope to see more soon.

6791449 It sounds interesting though.

Oh god... The feels... It doesn't help that I often put myself in the place of characters and other people, wondering how it'd feel like if I were in the same situation... :fluttercry:

My reply to this:

Also, something to think about: in this story, is Lyra copying humans or are the humans copying Lyra?

Is, yes. They are.

"Ah think you fillies can handle it," she started. "It ain't all that bad. Least, they don show the bad stuff, just imply it." At this, all three fillies let out a tiny cheer amongst themselves. They had been begging and pleading for weeks now, having been around the other fillies in their class that had been allowed to watch OtherWorld.

Up until now, the three fillies were refused access into the club by their older sisters. It was just too much for them to handle, they were told. The Crusaders were determined, however, and were well behaved for two whole weeks just so that could watch this episode, which they had heard was not to be missed.

Oh boy, are you going to regret this...

She jumped back onto her bed and into her nest, pulling her hoodie sloppily around her body. It was a special edition designer hoodie, made to look like the hoodie Ryan liked to wear between seasons 3 and 5. It was her favorite design, just a simple gray with some strange text written over it in different colors. She couldn't read the human language yet, but she was planning on buying the fan guide at some point.

Though it was to her shame that she had a good collection of asparagus plant plushies...hidden away of course.

oh my god... Twilight is the equivalent of a Brony:pinkiehappy:

"Um, no, I don't think so," the doctor mumbled. YOU FOOL!

:rainbowderp:Holy crap Twilight...

Well then, takin this up to my faves list. Very good so far. And... dear me I'm crying women tears.

Much better than the Otherworld that played on human television in 1985.

Moar liked faved and well yeah Moar

Uhm... Interesting, let see.

"I l-love...you guys."




You make me sad, You make me laugh...
What sorcery is this!?

*Heavy breathing*
It reminds my grandma's dead... when no one visit her at night, expect me :raritydespair:
*Sad song background*

What the... Twilight!

In your description:

"Just as he starts to fade, his eyes wonder to the screen of the hospital room television and the cartoon ponies who adorn it."

That should be wander, not wonder.

This is a lot more . . . I don't want to say self-aware, but . . . intricate? More intricate than I expected. A lot of HiE doesn't give much consideration to what personality traits the MC should have to fit the plot, either giving the MC the traits of a specific real-life person, or giving him/her such broad traits as to be relatable to a wide variety of readers. All this examination of what kind of a character Ryan is, and what plot role he fulfills in OW, makes me hopeful that he'll fulfill some role in Blank itself that a more generic character would be unable to live up to. I'm still not sure exactly what kind of a story this is, but it looks promising, wherever it's going.

More chapter!? What is this? Christmas or something!? :pinkiegasp:

-was the loudest and longest 'Squee!'

"Uhh...hey Twilight, hey Spike,"


I wonder how Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow dash and Fluttershy will react to Ryan when they wake up. :applejackconfused: In the mean time, Ryan, Twilight and Pinkie will have time to explain each other.:pinkiehappy:

Cool, I'm five for six in making ponies faint by greeting them. What do I win?

Beautiful. Just. Beautiful.

Next chapter, we find out Ryan's illness wasn't magically cured upon arrival in Equestria and instead inhabited Scootaloo. Guilt! Angst! Sadness! That and more, dear readers!

Cool, I'm five for six in making ponies faint by greeting them. What do I win?

A "slightly" use car!

Well, despite you making my cry you bastard. I am enjoying how this is coming out, I eagerly look forward to the next chapter.

Have a thumbs up and a fav.

Hmm, a Human in Equestria sad story. This can't be that bad.

Sees comments
Sees author's name
Reads first chapter

Oh you son of a—

Distant sniffling

God I need more. This is my drug.

Well, that was disturbing


Competently written, but this first chapter was so goddamn whiny, and what makes it worse is how drawn out it was.

MOOOORRREEEEZ :flutterrage:

I can not get enough of this story!

I want a chapter at one point to where we see saras reaction.

Really hope this gets a lot of attention! It deserves it!

Ohhhh this Sparks done made a mess of epic levels just HAD to rip out Lyras imaginary friend out of her mind. Oh Lyra is going to have a full out mental meltdown once she sees him. Oh and we better not forget nearly All of Ponyville.

twilight did what everyone would do for their favorite character. Also, is their version of mlp? That would be awesome, because twilight is best brony.

And then all went to hell. Twilight, you better hope your other princess aren't bronys. There will be hell to pa.

6793944 I wanna see what Luna does. She left the moon in the sky too late, so she probably watched the show too. Now Twilight ripped a character out of the realm of dreams--which is totally Luna's thing, being the mistress of dreams and all.

Beautifully brilliant. A truly wonderful work of literature that I hope will continue.

Ohhhh shit yaaaaaa Twi be screwed :facehoof: Ryan is going to wishing he WAS dead before this is done :flutterrage:

Just a few notes--not criticizing the writing, just the situations:
What would the point of OtherWorld be? From a creative point of of view, it's quite a poor show. Unlike MLP, which had a pretty big target audience of little girls, OtherWorld would have almost no reason to exist in a place like Equestria; instead of a show that helps people escape from the dull dreariness of daily life and the horrors of the world, or helping to teach lessons, like MLP, the show would just bring unwanted darkness. Secondly, while many stories traditionally follow the tale of people who have something extraordinary happen to them, the story of Ryan is rather bland in comparison; there would be no reason to "focus" on him compared to the billions of other possible characters, especially when you consider the possible pool for MLP would likely only range in the millions.
Also, how did none of the viewers notice the fact that Ryan had watched a show depicting them in it?

The bit with Sarah being pregnant was amazing, it caught me completely off guard and I got a good cackle out of that one. The whole bit at the end is also interesting, as it could be interpreted as Twilight forcibly delving into someone's mind, stealing an idea from it, then creating a construct from it based around only her interpretation of a "fictional" character, both being super-illegal and proving that Ryan wouldn't even be a true sapient being, more like a super-complex AI.

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