The Claw Before the Pony, Part 4
Twilight Gets a Puppy
Season 6
By TDR
The Claw Before the Pony,
Part 4
“HOLY CARP, WHAT A MATCH!” Taurine screamed out from the box. “Those young ones from Hoofington really know how to race. “
“That was an awesome three way finish, I can't wait to see if any of them are willing to give the grand prix a go.” Pinkie Pie cheered along with the large rust colored minotaur. At some point she had gotten her own black and yellow checkerboard colored bandanna to wear around her neck.
Twilight rubbed her temples, her ears flat against her head as the shouting from both sides was giving her a migraine. The races had been mildly interesting. Six towns including Canterlot had run through their events. The awards for Creativity, Historical significance, and Speed had all been given out, some of the participants managing to walk away with an award from more than one category. The final contests would start after all the towns had raced, then the last Red bull challenge would happen after that as the closing race.
The judges were made up of three middle managers from the sponsoring company, some self help celebrity Twilight had never heard of, and three of the members of the Equestrian school board. Thus far they had been fair, but Twilight noticed a bias for unicorns over the other racers from the school board, luckily the other three balanced the School board members out and the Celebrity was just throwing out numbers depending on what she thought 'Sparked Joy'.
Ponyville however was the last town to compete and the sponsors showed they were not idiots. A large number of unicorns had shown up and were raising shields in front of all the stands and spectators along the length of the track layering the spells to create something of a tunnel down the entire length of the course.
Twilight was rather impressed with the spell work. She was also surprised to see a number of changelings floating around holding boxes with crystal recorders documenting the entire series of races. It was even more surprising that Saturnia and Sunset seemed to be here coordinating the filming. Sunset had talked about needing a sporting event of some sort as a major draw on her crystal net thing she was working on.
Twilight had listened with some interest at it, supposedly videos and films could be put on her network in a frame work she was calling U Two or something like that. There was another system she had been bitching about that had already been set up already, despite her intent not to have it called, 4 something. Twilight was more interested in learning more about this Face a Book Sunset had talked about. It sounded like a fun reading experience.
Applejack was here cheering on Applebloom along with Big Mac and Granny Smith, though AppleJack seemed some what miffed about something.
Jynx had shown up as a number of Diamond Dog pups had participated in this race, thus far two of them had even won prizes and seemed ecstatic when she congratulated them personally.
Trixie and Ember were of course doing fire works every time Taurine yelled something particularly impressive. Twilight wondered if there was a list that she was checking to see if Taurine said the right word to prompt an explosion.
Thus far Twilight had figured out some of the words that prompted fireworks. 'Red Bull Challenge', 'Explosion or explosive', 'Cartmageddon', 'finish line' and for some reason, 'grapefruit'.
Still Twilight was rather worried. All of Rahs' girl friends were in the same place, Rahs and Spike were IN the race, the Cutie mark crusaders were all IN the race and one of Discords kids was also in the thing. That wasn't to even consider the rest of the Ponyville school crew and Sombra in the mix.
The sponsors of the event were clearly careful, but she hoped they really knew what they were getting into.
“....That was Dinky Do and Comet Tail with their cart the cheerful Capybara. For all those in the stands currently having heart issues from the cute, please note that the medic tents are behind the bleachers on both sides of the race track and that we are not responsible for any injuries here at the speed way. Next up from Ponyville is the silver Bullet by Applebloom Apple and Aria... BY PRINCESS CELESTIA”S DAINTY HOOVES WHAT IS THAT THING!!??” Taurine screamed out.
The silver painted cart looked like a cigar and practically seemed to vibrate in place as it rolled up to the starting line, it was streamlined in the way bricks were not, and the faint breeze flowing over the race track seemed to part over the thing like scissors hitting that perfect cutting glide when used on wrapping paper. The cart seemed to be causing speed lines to appear just by existing. Seated inside it was a yellow filly with a helmet on that looked like it was part of the cart until she lifted her head up enough. The back of it was open and there was enough room for another pony to fit inside, and poke their head out of the cock pit. That pony was clearly the lavender one with long pig tails that she was tucking into her silver helmet as she stopped behind the cart looking over as the judge approached staring at the cart.
“So what is this?” The school board judge asked, her magic scanning over the cart.
“A marvel of engineering.” Aria chuckled.
“78% apple wood, 15% aluminum? 7 % miscellaneous.” The Judge nodded. “Well it meets the rules. Good luck.”
The judge turned around and was left facing another thing. This one was painted a glimmering cherry red and was slightly more wedge shaped than the cigar shape of the other one. A orange pegasus filly sat behind the wheel, the thing having an open back which would allow the orange adult pegasus to climb in easier. Despite that, even standing still this one seemed on the verge of taking to the air.
“BY THE GOD OF BOOZE'S POINT HORNS THERE'S TWO OF THEM!!”Taurine bellowed.
“That one is called 'The Falcon's Dare' and is driven by Scootaloo and Fireball.” Pinkie Pie listed.
“Huh... modern Equestrian engineering versus portal world engineering.” Twilight considered.” This could be a interesting study, and one with at least a 27% less chance of death.”
“Wait 27% less? “ Taurine asked. ”THAT'S STILL TOO HIGH!”
“They're both being driven by Crusaders.” Pinkie Pie pointed out.
“Ahh. Okay 13% less chance then. With a added 25% chance of tree sap.” Twilight corrected.
“THOSE NUMBERS ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY!” Taurine snapped.
“77% apple wood, 5% steel, 12% cloud? 6% other.” the judge hummed. ”This doesn't fly does it?”
“It could with a pegasi pulling it and the proper enchantment, but on it's own, no.” Fireball offered. ”It's designed to fit the rules.”
“Fair enough.” The judge nodded and walked among some of the other carts scanning and nodding at them, before she stopped and stared at the block of apple wood with wheels on it that two unicorn colts were sitting on. Ignoring that as the announcers bantered, she was then forced to stop and stare at another vehicle.
“What even is that thing?” The judge stared at the green tank looking cart.
“That's a Mark 1b Pattern Rhino, or more formally, the Mars Pattern Rhino, is an Imperial armored personnel carrier that is widely used throughout the galaxy by many different factions, though it is a mainstay vehicle of the Adeptus Alicornuis. It has provided safe transportation since the days of the Great Crusade, transporting its cargo of Space Marines swiftly and safely to the forefront of battle.
Robust and versatile, and able to resist the most hostile of environments, the Rhino has become the basic troop transport for Space Marine squads. It has also been used by many other trusted branches of the Imperial armed forces.” Taurine ranted. “This one is currently done up in Dark Angels livery and colors. It's also got six wheels instead of treads which work well for the road surface.”
Most of the audience turned to stare at the large minotaur.
“WHAT?! I'M ALLOWED TO HAVE HOBBIES OTHER THAN EXPLOSIONS AND MUSCLES!”
“This cart was put together by Firefly and Kevin. Everyone knows Kevin. I wonder why he's helping one of the Changeling grubs.” Twilight considered.
“HE'S JUST THAT KINDA GUY!” Taurine shouted.
The two hatches on top of the rather wide box like cart opened and Firefly popped his head out of one. A space marine helmet popped out of the other. Both of them looked at the judge who sighed and scanned it.
“60 % apple wood, 22% plastics, 10% various metals, and 8 % paint?” the judge blinked.
“Bees got a hold of it while we were doing the base coat.” Kevin offered his voice muffled by the helmet.
“Alright. Well good luck that is a interesting one.” The judge shook her head, moving on as other Ponyville foals were introduced as she came to their carts.
She stopped again.
“I know I have said this far to often today, but what the <BLEEP!!> IS THAT THING?!?!” Taurine shouted blinking and turning his head to Twilight whose horn was glowing.
“Language.” Twilight stated simply.
“Here we have Sweetiebelle and Sombra in their cart Aunty Entity.” Pinkie Pie announced considering throwing something at Sombra for biting Fluttershy, but decided to hold off for now.
The judge stared at the massive thing. It was a six wheeled cart bigger than the rhino tank and made of metal, there was a massive spiked ram on the front, a row of spikes going up to what looked like a gunner's seat off an airship, further up was the drivers seat with more spikes all over it, and a massive spoiler on the back. An actual spoiler like off some of the sulky carts she had seen, not something as banal as 'His father was the rogue dragon' or ' the predator dies horribly' like some people probably expected.
Her gaze shifted to the two leather and spike festooned ponies in the cart. The filly was wearing a leg brace and a black leather jacket with her mane and tail short and it looked like her fur was stained with soot and grease. She was sitting in the drivers seat. The stallion next to her was wearing a number of leather straps and a steel hockey mask. Both of them were staring unblinking at her.
The judge shuddered casting the scanning spell.
“39.5% apple wood, 45% steel, 5.5% chrome, 8% leather, and 2% other.” The judge listed. “I'm sorry but you are under the required amount of Apple wood, I'm going to have to disqualify you.”
“Mediocre.” Sweetiebelle huffed. Sombra's horn lit up and he pulled a bolt free. Sweetiebelle pulled off the steering wheel which was a ring of welded chrome chain and tossed it out of the cart as Sombra brought a burnt wooden steering wheel up and bolted it in.
“Scan again.” He stated in a gruff voice.
The judge swallowed and cast.“40% apple wood, 45% steel, 5% chrome, 8% leather, and 2% other.” The judge stated. “ That meets the requirements.”
She quickly hurried on as the pair continued to stare unblinking at her.
“Rarity is gonna kill those two when they see all the leather they are using.” Pinkie Pie offered.
The Judge stopped again and reached a hoof up to rub her forehead. Sitting ahead of her was a modified Mount Prospect City Guard cart. It looked to have Guard Tires, Guard suspension, Guard shocks, and was a model made before mana gem restrictions so it ran good on a regular charge.
Of course this was only a model.
What was weird was the massive crystal powered speaker that looked like it was stolen from a stadium speaker pole strapped to the top of it.
She sighed running her scan as she looked for the drivers.
“65% apple wood, 18% paper mache, 7% speaker, 5% plaster, and 5% other parts.” the judge sighed as the speaker started blasting a jaunty rhythm as soon as her magic completed.
Glancing to the back of the cart the trunk opened and a purple dragon in a black suit and fedora wearing sunglasses rolled out. He adopted a pose and a much taller blue diamond dog thing practically slid out of no where to smoothly stop beside the dragon. He was also in a suit with sunglasses and a fedora.
The judge blinked as several wolf whistles sounded in the area and both Rahs and Spike reached up adjusting their ties.
“Ah stars, of course they went with THAT play as a model.” Twilight grumbled. “Highest recorded cart destruction number of any play ever made. And all his girlfriends now have seen him in a suit.”
Twilight, Pinkie, and Taurine all looked to where Jynx, Sunset, Trixie, and Saturnia were staring at Rahs, though it seemed Applejack was the one who let out the whistle from her place on the other side of the stands.
Applebloom and Aria were also staring, but each at a different brother.
[Crystal empire]
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA DANCE FOR ME MY PUPPETS!!” Cadence cackled.
“So was that a yes on the large hay fries?” The bored looking counter worker asked.
“Yes and go with the apple treats rather than the chocolate cookies in the Children's Chipper Chow Chompy. I want the foals to sleep sometime today.” Shining offered as Cadence continued to laugh.
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They crept over here I see. Should we expect an actual Blues Brothers story in the near future?
Cadence is starting to scare me.
Also what play were Spike and Rahs referencing, the Blues Brothers?
I would love Fan Art of each of the Cart Designs.
One more for the calendar to mark, bloody fine event.
F-1 was born today?
Mlp RACING IS MAGIC ♡
👍
#We have a need for speed and mayhem
That was a good chapter.
11595756
Don't be scared. Expect insanity. I mean seriously. Have you not read the entirety of this Twilight gets a puppy series the more insane the love triangles are the crazier she gets. I mean she literally chomped rahs's love chart to bits. I'm not surprised that she goes insane every time something happens with him and I'm actually wondering how she'll react if he gets a harem without trying and knowing his drama powers. He has a very high chance of doing exactly that
I also love the fact that they have a Minotaur torque the insane gun merchant from borderlands torgue
this chapter had me laughing my flank off, mostly due to "Torque"
Can’t we just get Beyond the Thunderdome?
So... I spotted a Mad Max reference, Warhammer 40k and Blues Brothers.. I feel like I missed a few with the other cars. But it has put a smile on my face! Can't wait for the carnage!
Wait, why Aria stared at Spike instead of Rahs?
11595806
A bit disappointed there was no Death Race 2000.
The first two remind me of the Le Mans face off between Chitty and the Maclaren Wedge? which I have no idea where its gone,
After the only actual cars comes all the weird and Whacky Races crews, including the Boulder Brothers take on needing it to be applewood?
I wonder how much of that percentage, extra, turns out to be things like Unsymetrical Dimethyl Hydrazine, or even for over the counter?
Water, and Calcium Carbide.
What you use that for? Well, it dont burn easy unlike the lithium batteries.
Tons of references & insane reactions all around, course Cadence wins best reaction of them all!
Can't wait for the vehicle carnage that's coming next chapter!
This should be fun
They don't
On this we disagree Taurine
On this we agree Taurine
Still not sure why Kevin hangs out with changelings so much, but I guess he's just helping them fit in... what a nice guy
Wait, Aria is staring at Spike?
11595756
They're on a mission from God.
That god is Rahs, of course, but it counts.
Rahs: A 106 miles to Chicoltgo, We got a full charge of mana, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
Spike: Hit it!
SOOOO MUCH YES!!!!
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Applebloom was staring at spike, and Aria at Rahs. I might need to clean that line up a bit.
11595870
Cue the music
11595998
Ah thanks, that makes more sense
And that's how Ponyville was destroyed.
This week.
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Spike: Forget about it. Five Grand? No problem! We'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go, Rahs.
Luna: No! I will not take your filthy stolen money.
Spike: Well then, I guess you're really up a creek. (gets smacked with a ruler) Yeoow! What was that for? I didn't even swear. I just said "'up A creek'" (gets smacked again).
Rahs: Sheesh, Spike. Take it easy (gets smacked too) Yeow! Come on. We're not swearing OR taking any gods' names in vain.
Luna: I know, but we have to stick to the script. (continues smacking both Rahs and Spike until they left the room).
***************************************************************
Flash: Gentlemen, I give you the elegant abode of one Rahs Sparkle.
Royal Guard 1: Thanks, Lieutenant Sentry.
Flash: You know, I kind of liked the "Bubblegum Field" thing.
Royal Guard 2: Yeah. Real cute.
***************************************************************************
Spike: Hey! What's the problem?
Royal Guard: Those bums won their court case, so they're marching today.
Spike: What bums?
Royal Guard: The (CENSORED) Nutsy Party.
Rahs: (scoffs) Illineigh Nutsies.
Spike: I hate Illineigh Nutsies.
********************************************************************
Lead Nutsy (as he and his followers are staking out Bubblegum Field): A fake address! Well, keep everyone in the Party on the alert. Somebody with their record is bound to slip up eventually and, when they do, they better pray the royal guards get to them before we do.
*********************************************************************
Neighsay: Use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Sparkle Brothers has been approved.
I see her shipping business is booming.
He should join Spike's gaming group
Not sure what this one's a reference to, and sadly google is no help
11595775
MinoTorgue
11596268
Blue’s Brothers
Blues Brothers Rahs and Spike for the win.
*looks at the monitor looks at Discord* 2 bits this ends up with the bleachers chared, everyone with ringing ears, the track a crater, and no clear winner.
I wonder what it's like getting constant live updates about things you're really passionate about? You'd think with modern technology the way it is I'd know the answer to that, but all the live updates I get are spam I couldn't care less about.
11596268
It's 106 Miles to chicago.
We got a full tank of gas
Half a pack of cigarettes
It's dark
And we're wearing sunglasses
Question with the amount of shipping going on how is cadence not the most powerful God around
TDR you didn't mention the Fallen did you, DID YOU?
I didn't say the Fallen either, merely just asking, making sure that you didn't inadvertently mention the Fallen! A Dark Angels prerogative to be sure!
You didn't, right? I'd hate if justified repent was issued, but nothing about the Fallen was said.
STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FALLEN!
The moment I read mount prospect I knew it was a blues brothers reference.
Oh the blues brothers are in the mlp comic books
11596512
Discord : "throw in 2 woodchipped trees, several cases of hoofburn and an unexplained pregnancy, and I'll take those odds."
11596268
Somone's never seen the Blues Brother's movie!
I respect the Blue's Brothers. I figured out out when I read about the speaker.
Of all the episodes, I dearly want pictures from this one.
OMG what would the world be like if the internet actually did start with YouTube, 4-chan, and Facebook!?!?
Hot damn... This race will me murder to survive
Let's hope only God's get murdered since they get better sooner than anyone who isn't.