//------------------------------//
// This Isn’t Canon 2: The Invasion(bonus chapter) 
// Story: So, Funny Story 
// by Nugget27 
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So like, I could go on the whole spiel about listening to your parents, or else you’ll end up in magical pony land, or I could not. What matters is that I’m walking through a city full of horses, all of which have butt tattoos, and some have wings and some don’t for no discernible reason. So, me being me, decided that maybe I shouldn’t question what the hell was going on, and keep walking.

What I can tell you, is that the city I was walking in was on the side of a mountain, and it was currently covered in a pink fish bowl. As for why it was covered in a fishbowl, well, there’s these bug horses that are currently slamming their heads into it, and a couple looked at me like they wanted to eat my face, so there’s a pretty solid chance that I don’t want that fish bowl to break. 

Also there’s just a lot of screaming coming from the city center, where a huge castle was. And… oh hey, two horse bugs came crashing down, and then more, and more, and more. Like a good thousand of these fuckers came crashing down and chasing people. Me, being the unfortunate bastard that I was, got chased by two specific changeling drones; the first one that crashed through the fishbowl.

It was complete chaos, bug horses chased horses, my mom told me I wasn’t a failure, and I was trying not to get turned into a chalk outline(can’t mention death can we? Fuck, I just mentioned death). I ran into an alleyway in hopes that I could maybe lose these horse bugs chasing me- only to run face first into a wall, and scream as loudly as possible. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! My nose!”

And.... one of the drones found me. It began to creep forward, like a wolf getting ready to deal the finishing blow to a deer. Its huge fangs really did not look inviting, and it was snarking a bit. Despite all of this, it was kinda cute, and I wanted to keep it. “You insolent pony. Fleeing is futile,” it, well it was a girl actually, said as it crept so I was damn near nose and nose with it. The only thing keeping me from being nose to nose was my hoof, which was caressing my aching nose.

So I reached out and started rubbing the horse bug’s neck. It’s a dangerous horse bug, and I want one. Monkey brain says pet it, so I pet it. I petted her for a good five minutes until the other horse bug caught up to us, and it raised an… eye ridge? I don’t see any body hair on these things. “Really, Scatter? Can’t you ignore cuddles for at least on invasion?”

“Skitter, come over here. This pony’s hooves are so… nice.” ‘Scatter’ let out a pleased moan as I began to scratch at her ears. Skitter shook his head before putting a hoof on his friend’s back. He looked at me with a ‘sorry about my friend’ look, before nudging Scatter a couple of times.

“Come on Scatter, let’s leave this pony here, and we can come collect him once Mom is done marrying that stupid captain.”

“No! I’m keeping him!” Scatter said before lunging on top of me… and was now hugging and pinning me to the ground at the same time. Almost immediately, a pink blast sent me, Skitter, and Scatter flying. I was only sent flying because Scatter apparently had an iron tight grip on me, and… we were flying through the sky. I don’t know how long, or why, but I assume that the magical blast that launched us has to do with what is happening. 

Surprisingly, I wasn’t hurt at all when I landed, and neither were my two bug horse friends. Nor were the other nine hundred ninety-eight other horse bugs that landed. Including a really tall bug horse that had wispy hair and a matching tail. “Dangit! We were so close!” The tall bug horse said, slamming her hooves into the ground. “I was so close to feeding all of you! If it weren’t for that…” her eyes fell upon me.

“Perhaps, perhaps this invasion will not be a complete failure.” What the fuck was she on about? Scatter asked for more belly rubs, so I did so with complete compliance and zero complaints. Surprisingly, the feeling of rubbing a rather soft exoskeleton was a really nice sensation, and made me wish I had human hands so I could properly scratch Scatter.

Skitter kept on shaking his head like an older sibling being embarrassed by their younger, sillier sibling. Now there was.. a whole line and a sign that read ‘get pets and scratches here’ for some reason. Cool, I am- “Enough!” A voice with a lot of authority made my ears ring with the sheer volume that came from the tall bug horse. “Tell me, pony, how did you get swept up in the love blast?”

“I was holding onto him, Mother. I was going to suck him dry of love but… then he started rubbing my neck and it felt so, so good! And we get love through such physical contact, so I decided we could keep him for… more long term love drainage, if you will,” Scatter said, who was not shivering in fear, her head hanging and general jitteriness prove that very well.

“Hmm, a pony that accepts changelings for what they are?” I tilted my head.

“What?”

“Worry not, my little friend. We will house and feed you. In return, all I ask is thst you help my Hive diplomatically get back into the good graces of Equestria. Then we can take over it from there, as revenge for curling myself and my starving children across the country side.”

“Eh, sure. Free food is a way to win a man’s heart.”

“Good, because killing a pretty little thing such as yourself would almost be wasteful,” the Queen winked at me, and I felt a shiver down my spine.

“Next!” Skitter shouted and I was immediately hounded by sixteen changelings all at once. These next few years were going to be nice and long.

Within the first year, I managed to nearly memorize every changeling drone by name, and now Chrysalis, the Queen, was trying to get me to marry her. Somebody send help, or a bag of crack. Like please, please stop, Chryssy. You’re pretty cool and all, but your constant scheming for world domination is reminding me of an angry mustache model from Germany and it’s scaring me.

It’s the only reason why I didn’t say no the third time, because I think Chrysalis might be slightly insane.

Also we captured the Princess’s student, and instead of holding her for ransom, I decided to leave her hanging in a tree from her tail. Boy did she not like that.