The Claw Before the Pony, Part 5
Twilight Gets a Puppy
Season 6
By TDR
The Claw Before the Pony,
Part 4
The Race was..... well, a disappointment for a great many of those who had come here for, as Taurine put it,' Explosions'. Not to say there wasn't a wreck, Snips and Snails had no control of their block of wood at all and bounced off Sweetiebelle and Sombra's monstrosity, doing no damage to it, but sending the two colts and their cart crashing into the hay bales along the route near the start.
Sweetiebelle and Sombra didn't even notice the impact.
In the end the speed winners were Scootaloo and Fireball taking first by an inch with Applebloom and Aria taking second with Dinky and Comet Trail taking third.
The foals devolved into smack talk, the adults compared engineering notes... and smack talk.
The Historical contest was won by Snips and Snails, given that one of the first racers was just a log with wheels on it that was used to transport wood down the mountain. Silver Spoon won second as her cart was a fair recreation of the first winner of the races when they became official. The driver of the first cart turned out to be her great times whatever grandfather. Third place went to Pip who had made a boat and slapped wheels on it. He might have won the most creative over Firefly though he repeatedly pointed out that the wheeled boats were how they used to move the logs in Trottingham where he was born because the end of the course was a river and thus his wasn't creative but historical.
The creativity contest was won by Twist as her car was set up to look and was 35% composed of candy. Second place was Sweetiebelle and Sombra, with third place being taken by Firefly and Kevin. This all started a massive disagreement between the judges because the board of education judges were giving much lower scores to anyone who was not a pony and the only reason Firefly even placed is no one else in the Ponyville entries had gone creative, aside from those three teams and Spike, most had built for speed. The argument between the judges had gotten heated enough that Jynx, Trixie, Saturnia, and Discord got involved.
That was five minutes that was not good for anyone being racist.
The sponsor's security team showed up before a hospital or a psych ward was needed. The three school board judges were removed and there was a brief recess while new judges were brought in. While the new judges were being brought in the overall time trials were held with Applebloom and Aria barely eking out first place and Scootaloo and Fireball taking second and a unicorn filly and her father from Canterlot taking third.
New judges were chosen, which amounted to three more sponsors middle mangers. They didn't go back to rework any of the other numbers, which started another argument, mostly from Jynx, Saturnia, and Trixie while Discord simply loomed, but the judges mollified them by pointing out that several diamond dogs, Changelings, Nox-Cal, griffons, had won something.
None of the Ponyville crew won most creative because some of the other towns had carts that would make a parade float jealous.
Trixie and Ember were not happy about the only Dragon in any of the races not placing, though Spike told them both to let it go.
Historical final was won by a colt that slapped wheels on the apple wood block after he carved it to look like a realistic log. Snips and Snails got second with Silver Spoon taking third due to how accurate her reproduction was.
With all that out of the way and Discord grinning evilly as he plotted something while staring at the School Board Members,
While Twilight was happy to be told some new history she hadn't known by Pip, she was also rather worried that everything had been so calm. Though statistically there had to be at least one normal event just to balance out everything else that happened. Still she was struck with a sense of dread she couldn't understand.
“WELL THAT WAS EXCITEING!!” Taurine screamed “And now what you've all been waiting for, the final event, THE RED BULL CHALLENEGE!!I've got the tally and there will be fifty six racers from every town competing. There are new rules to follow, first off this will be AFULL CONTACT SPORT! CHEATING IS ALSO ALLOWED TO A DEGREE. You cannot touch another racers cart directly, no teleporting or equivalent, wheels have to be ON THE GROUND for at least 60% of the race and NO DIRECT ATTACKS ON OTHER RACERS! First one across the line wins, we have second and third place prizes as well and now that all the entries are locked in, ALL ONE HUNDRED AND TWELEVE competitors will get a case of our sponsors drinks. We now break for thirty minutes to set up the course AND SIGN THE WAIVERS!!”
“Ahh there's the other horseshoe.” Twilight groaned.
Twilight stared down at the dimensional shenanigans arrayed on the track before her. There were twists turns, loops, jumps, impossible turns, oil slicks, banana peels, and moving hay bales. The track was MUCH wider than should be possible and the number of unicorns casting protective spells was doubled.
“How....” Twilight frowned. ”This much fabric of reality twisting is something like Discord would do.”
“Oh it is. The sponsor hired him.” Pinkie Pie added
“That makes so much sense, and yet...how much are they paying him for this?” Twilight asked.
“Twelve bits and a high five” Taurine offered. “It was the most EPIC of high fives.”
Applebloom and Scootaloo glanced at each other then back to the coarse with Aria and Fireball offering a more hesitant glance to each other, before they both tightened their helmets. Sure they wanted to see who was faster and a better designer, but this was a bit much.
Firefly and Kevin considered dropping out, but opted to go for it, cause why not. Though Kevin wouldn't let Firefly have any of the drinks as there was too much caffeine in them and he wasn't old enough yet.
Sombra and Sweetiebelle were all for it. Sombra actually smiled when the full contact rule was announced, Sweetiebelle just cackled.
Dinky some how managed to convince Comet Trail to go for it. Comet Trail regretted the idea the moment he looked down the course.
A number of other racers stared down the ramp and a few of them decided that they were just going to pass, free drinks and unknown prizes were hardly worth it. That still left forty two carts and twice as many racers.
Rahs and Spike sat in their cart looking down at the field through their sunglasses.
“We've got forty two other carts in the race, a couple bits of jerky, a claw full of gems, a rickety show cart, it's getting dark, and we are wearing sunglasses.” Spike offered.
“Punch it.”
The whistle sounded and the carts started rolling forward.......
"Had you worried didn't he?" Discord chuckled "Evil little rabbit."
Applebloom and Scootaloo’s carts took off like a shot from the start, the well engineered carts easily out pacing everything else in the first opening stretch, though there were a number of other carts that were not that far behind. In the middle of the pack was Firefly’s tank and Spike’s cop cart with Sweetiebelle’s wasteland mega cart slowly building up speed from the very back.
Thus far all the other carts were keeping their distance from each other and running a clean race on the first stretch. The first turn changed that as there was a bit of bumping as some carts that didn’t turn too well bumped into other ones and a pair on the outer edge hit the hay bales with a crash, though both of them quickly pulled the carts out and started them back on the track, the first impacts started the mayhem. There was a great deal of bumping and paint swapping before some one at the back of the pack let out a cry as Sweetiebelle’s cart hit the back of a couple of the slower carts and flung them aside or crushed their wheels as it rolled over them. Several ponies fell free of their carts only to be wrapped up in protective ball shields and sent careening off the track into a hole with a large red triangular flag over it with a number 18 on it.
Discord could be heard offering a golf clap.
The impending mass of spiked metal behind them spurred a number of racers to lay off the brakes and try to push their carts for more speed.
With the first turn out of the way the ramps came up and Applebloom and Scootaloo were the first to hit them.
Aria cursed at each impact as the cart landed, despite Applebloom keeping it steady though each of the ramps, the landing slowed the cart down despite the overly engineered nature of its shocks.
Scootaloo and Firefly’s cart however hit the ramp and glided over the next three before landing due to the design working more like a sulky cart allowing them to pull ahead of Applebloom’s cart for the first time.
Several others hit the ramps after them, jumping without too much issue though one cart landed wrong and snapped off an axle, several carts avoided as many ramps as they could though one flipped over and the drivers were bubbled free just as Sweetiebelle and Sombra rolled over their cart and smashed through the ramps rather than jump them.
The following sharp turn was L shaped and started a sharp zigzagging slalom of a road down the hill. It was hit first by Scootaloo though her cart was sliding across the road to light to hug the ground well, Fireball stood up in the cart spreading out her wings forcing the wind up like a spoiler in order to keep the cart on the ground.
Aria stood up as well though she half hung off the left side of the cart, pulling her weight on that side and forcing the shocks down more so when Applebloom took the L shaped turn the cart only skidded a little keeping traction enough to pass Scootaloo and Fireball .
A few carts following skidded off the side and tumbled off the edge only for the drivers to be rescued with shield balls.
One griffon stood up in the back of his sons cart, sank his claws into the wood as the cart didn’t bother to turn at all and instead launched off the side of the cliff. He snapped his wings open and held on as the cart glided down bouncing off the road in the next tier and hopping down the road touching down only to launch again.
A number of other flier carts followed this using the same trick.
Spike just drove straight off the edge with both he and Rahs holding onto their hats as the cart bounced it’s way down the next road landing in front of Applebloom’s cart forcing her to slow. Spike glanced back offering her a smile, saw the look on her face and wisely zipped out of the way driving off the next cliff as her faster cart roared past, though not fast enough to stop Scootaloo from passing them both.
Comet Trail stood up in the back of Dinky’s cart sticking out one wing to drag against the air allowing Dinky to take the turn almost sideways doing the same with his other wing on the next turn, the wheels of her cart kicking up blue sparks as they drifted.
Firefly followed the others driving straight off the side of the cliff, the mock rhino bouncing a few times but plowing down the side of the mountain and the serpentine road as if it was nothing though you could hear Kevin yelling out in a panic, the wild ride didn’t even chip the thick paint.
The griffons in the lead hit the ground far along the track and were immediately bubbled despite their cart being undamaged. A large warning in bright red comic sans appeared over them showing they had surpassed the 40% of the track flown over limit.
Most of the other fliers dropped down sooner and missed the penalty though one landed on a banana peel and spun out and off the course.
Sweetiebelle and Sombra roared off the side of the road bouncing at the edge of each curve , every landing cracking the road below them.
After the next turn the slalom started where the racers had to weave around flagpoles.
Applebloom and Aria both leaned as the slalom started, the pair shifting their weight enough with each curve that they blew past Scootaloo who was still struggling with the weaving curves even with the wing air brakes Fireball was providing. The pair of them still easily took back the lead from the ones who flew down the side of the hill.
“Hopper mode!” Firefly yelled.
“I got the wheel.” Kevin called as Firefly rolled out of the seat into the back .
The seams of the rhino lit up in a green flame and massive pair grasshopper legs kicked out from the underside of the cart, lobbing the tank over the entire rung of slaloms to land in front of Scootaloo and Applebloom. Kevin laughed as he weaved the cart back and forth, the wide rhino keeping either of the speedsters from passing.
Rahs climbed out of the side of the cart still holding onto his hat reaching his other hand into his coat and pulling out a stage crook, before stretching it out and catching the pole for the first barrier in the slalom allowing Spike to whip around it without losing speed as he held onto the roof. At each pole he hooked it with the crook and held onto for the turn.
Just behind him Comet Trail was doing the same with his weapon chains as Dinky tore around the turns.
Behind them Sombra and Sweetiebelle just smashed through the barriers sending a few other racers flying who were not making the turns fast enough.
Spike took the next turn onto the straight away with the moving hay bales though those were easy to avoid as Rahs climbed back into the cart. A glance behind them and the other approaching racers had Spike open the glove box and reach in, pulling a stack of wet mane pony Rahs photos out.
Something Rahs was not happy about.
Spike tossed them all out the window, the photos fluttering over the racers still behind them and drawing the attention of a number of mares and a couple of stallions in the group who made a snatch for the images only for the weight shift to send the drivers out of control and spinning off to wreck or slow enough for Sombra and Sweetiebelle's beast to knock them out of the way.
“Screw this. Aria snarled climbing onto the top of the cart before grabbing the sides and shifting to her full Siren form. She slammed her tail into the track shattering it and launching herself, the cart and Applebloom up and over the boxy Rhino, shifting back as it landed, the car shooting towards the next turn.
“Switch.” Fireball stated as Scootaloo slipped to the back of the cart. Fireball braced , spreading her wings wide as Scootaloo fanned her own flaming wings like a rocket engine sending their cart soaring over the Rhino.
“OH COME ON!” Firefly shouted as the two carts soared over them.
A glance in the mirror showed Spike was gaining on them with the rest of the pack, though one of them crashed into the crater Aria left and was bubbled out. The rest were spread out around the dragon's cart and the looming metal monster behind them.
“I think it is time we become more proactive Sweetiebelle.” Sombra offered as the lead group approached the next turn at the end of the hay bales, his horn flared as a mass of black crystals erupted from the track in front of the other racers.
“Isn't that against the rules?”
“I am not attacking them directly nor their drivers. If a crystal gets in their way, they should turn.” Sombra hummed
“Fair enough.”
Aria and Applebloom screamed out as the crystals appeared in front of them , the pair jukeing to the left.
Scootaloo and Fireball screamed as the black crystals appeared in front of them and juked to the right.
The fastest carts in the race smashed into each other and bounced off, before both went spinning out of control and crashed into the hay bales on either side of the road none of them even touching a crystal.
Firefly and Kevin slid around the Crystals clipping one and being sent into a spin that they recovered from, but not before a number of racers zipped past them including Spike and Dinky.
Rahs leaned out the window and took a bite out of the magic supporting the black crystal making Sombra cry out and shut down the spell forcing the other crystals to crumble.
Rahs offered a griffonese salute to Sombra as Spike's cart took the lead with Dinky and some other racers right behind them followed by Firefly after he got the rhino under control.
Rounding the corner every single one of the racers eyes widened at the sight of a pair of loop de loops before the last turn to the finish line.
“Sweetiebelle remember that idea you had for the chamber you had me forge for the back of the cart.” Sombra frowned rubbing the base of his horn and glaring at Rahs.
“Yep.”
“Do it.”
Sweetiebelle cackled and moved to the back of the cart letting Sombra take the wheel, she slipped under the spoiler and into a pipe looking thing at the back of the cart.
“Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows.....” Sweetiebelle called from inside the chamber.
Sombra pulled on a pair of cross seat belts and gripped the wheel tightly aiming to hit the loops straight on.
“This is gonna be tough.” Kevin muttered looking up at the loops.
“DRAGON SLAVE!!!”
“OH SHIT!” Spike and Firefly cursed yanking their carts to the sides of the track as the massive metal monster rocketed forward on the power of the spell erupting from the chamber at the back of it , smashing through a number of the remaining carts and obliterating the track behind them.
Dinky juked to the right to get out of the way, though Comet Trail spun up his chain lashing out and wrapping it around the spoiler as the metal cart flew past on the power of the spell. The chain wrapped around it and the Guard braced as Dinky's cart was yanked along after the dragon slave powered cart and both tore up the road going up and around the first loop blasting towards the second one.
Rahs and Spike looked at each other before they both held onto their hats taking the loop at an angle and falling off the side, barrel rolling to land hard with all wheels on the track without having completed the loop fully, a trick a number of other racers tried. Some failed, either flipping wrong or crashing into each other, one spread her wings and got dinged and bubbled for going over 40% of the track in the air. Clearly Discord was keeping track.
Comet Trail held on as Sweetiebelle's spell continued rocketing the cart through the second loop, the rest of the pack doing the same as the first loop and only losing one more racer when their wheel popped off on the landing.
Whipping around the final corner into the home stretch Sweetiebelle's spell fizzled out and the woozy filly climbed back up to the drives compartment.
“Oof, I dun wanna do that again.” Sweetiebelle shook her head. “Loop de loops and spells do not mix.”
“It looks like we have it, there's no one in front of us and the rest are just now making the turn. Save that annoying Guard.” Sombra huffed.
Comet Trail held onto the chain still wrapped around the spoiler. He let out a few lengths of chain giving himself some slack before he braced again and yanked hard shooting Dinky's cart through the draft of the larger metal cart and around the left side like a sling shot, moving ahead of Sweetiebelle and Sombra before he threw his end of the chain out to wrap around a pole at the edge of the course.
There was a hard jerk as the chain went taught, though Sombra's construction won out as it ripped the pole from the ground, though the sudden jerk slowed them enough that the heavy cart rolled to a stop a length from the finish line as Dinky's cart shot across it taking the checkered flag.
“Drat.” Sombra grumbled.
Rahs and Spike shot past along with the rest of the racers, the dragon taking second and a colt from Hoofington taking third.
“Double drat. “ Sombra grumbled.
“Hehffhfhhhfhhfhhh.” Rahs raspy laughed from the finish line, as Spike stopped the cart. The vehicle had only just come to a complete stop when it fell apart entirely, the parts scattering everywhere leaving the pair sitting on the seats which were now on the ground.
Spike looked at the steering wheel in his claws before tossing it aside. ”Well, at least we placed second before it broke.”
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Not really, I was more confused than anything. Also, nice Blues Brothers reference.
Can't wait for Rahs to sing Minnie the Moocher.
Blues Sparkles have my vote for best cart.
Well that was wild.
I hate that more than 20 years has passed and I still recognize the Slayers spell chant
And now for a classic to come back to living in my head rent-free.
That entire thing felt like a mix of Mario Kart and Wacky Races. Well done!
They are adorable together.
Huh so that's how a Mario Kart/ Wacky Racers fusion would look like.........good to know!
11597351
I think you mean "Wacky".
God dang it I sat there for 5 minutes lol
*flicks two bits to Discord and goes back to work stopping and walking back one window* Discord you get those pones BACK to the ground I am NOT going to see their desiccated corpses floating next to MY station. No I don't care you're not the one Tia OR Lun will be yelling at toss their worthless hides in the frozen north or a uninhabited island in the middle of the ocean.
Every part with Rahs and spike have had me playing Blues Brothers music.
Of course Luna taught Sweetie Belle Dragon Slave too, should have predicted that after Trixie. Also Sweetie's magic must be getting terrifyingly strong if she can successfully cast it. Wonder if this will finally earn her a cutie mark?
11597414
Sweetiebelle already knew the dragon slave from all the way back in season one when Twilight encountered the Pinkie sense
This is a very beautifully executed Wacky Races, Equestria Edition. If this is just a Red Bull Challenge, I can't wait for the Daypona 500.
11597386
Wild and wacky.
Sweety Bell and Sombra are hardcore. Somehow I have a picture of a father and daughter picture of them both laughing evil, a most precious mental picture ♡
Holy... Sweety got teached the spell by Luna or did Sombra know it to?
Authors note... It was a glorious event
👍
Spike and Rahs as the Sparkle Brothers... Ahhh glorious references. Though for some reason when Rahs used the crook my mind jumped to Sam and Max...
Glorious chapter, that fake out nearly had me!
Well that went better than I thought. Love how Dinky won and Spike and Rahs came in second. Was not a fan of all that nothing. Still I bet I know who was in that group that was removed.
... I have no freaking idea what just happened.
The cliff jump reminds me of Sk8 the Infinity. It's a fun show
I liked this, I think it’s my favourite chapter now of Part 5.
Slightly disappointing, but very impressive considering the racers
Oh no, how terrible
Nice
Give it a minute
There ya go Twi, the other horseshoe drops
Sounds epic
Oh yeah, some insects get drunk on caffeine don't they?
Oh dear
What do you mean "some how" we all know it wasn't that difficult for her
And so it begins
Oh come on, is everyone gonna start casting legendary spells now
11597603
Sweetiebelle was the first one to cast the spell in TGaP Chapter wise anyway
11597615
I did not remember that
Magnificent! I was laughing throughout as I pictured it.
And Rahs doing the trademark Muttley Snicker was the cherry on top.
*sitting in a corner and strangling a stuffed version of the rabbit* HOW DARE YOU!!!!!! I sat there for six minutes.
Aria in the Krazy Koop uses Dragon Power.
Wacky Races just aint the same without a bit of Dasterdly Cheating.
As for Cometrails chain and slingshot trick. Bionic Commando?
11597672
I completely forgot some people use areader......
11597740
Any game with a grappling hook really i use it with the prawn in subnautica.
So, a very good 5 minutes, overall
Good deal
And so am I
Why is there no ponimoticon with shades?
Incoming turbo boost!
I thought that was a rhino, not the Mach 5
Nice springboost
Gotta love the griffonese salute. I hope the dragons adopt it.
Oh this is gonna be good~ Discord, get your popped bag of corn ready.
Nice
11597369
There actually WAS at least one Mario Kart reference that I spotted.
We love it though.
. . .. . Ok, how long till Sweetie rips out her own heart and summons something with it?
DO O IA SWEETIE BELLE. CNILA D COMSELHA ODO ANANAEL. IPAMIS NONCP FAFEN NIIS. AVAVAGO TLIOB VRAN.I really do not understand why anyone would be racist while several gods and demigods of said races are present. This makes me wonder how unbelievably arrogant and racist the school board head, knockoff Dr. Strange pony, is going to be
11598621
it has been hinted at a few times that the SB are unicorn supremisists
Leave stuff like that to the god of drama, also yes yes It indeed got away from you yet it was a fun an hilarious read!
I loved this chapter, lol. Sweetie Belle and Sombra were especially hilarious to me.
11598640
Oh I got that. What I can't wait to see, is just how "up their own plots" the higher-ups are, especially their leader, knock-off Dr. Strange pony (I refuse to call them anything else)
Fucking Muttly, you mad rabbit! XD
This is either GTA or Fortnite, I just know it...
11628505
Any racing game with a loop d loop really
Pretty badass race, to bad no Mules or donkeys are present
Ponyville is a village for all adventurous types and perhaps the insane ones
Omfg. This was hilarious. Main things I kept thinking was speed racer and Mario kart without the items.
11599808
I know who you mean .... And now I can't unsee that comparison. Thanks it's funny as hell.