13. Snakes in a Library
The Substitute Librarian
Snakes in a Library
“Mares are not permitted in the fraternity!” snapped the familiar voice of Housemother Flamersham, penetrating through Emerald’s thick head and pulling back the fog of sleep enough for him to stumble out of his comfortable bed. The ‘Flam Alert’ was one of his responsibilities, because when one of his frat brothers got caught sneaking a mare into their bedroom, it was normally only Emerald’s diplomatic skills—and big blue eyes, he suspected—that could calm the indignant mare.
“Oh!” sounded her voice again, much less aggravated. “The Royal Guard! Right this way. Beg pardon, sir. I didn’t realize—”
Officer Grace came through Emerald’s half-open bedroom door with brisk strides, leaving the gold-armored unicorn out in the hallway. Both of them looked less than happy at their current location, and Grace produced a rolled-up scroll with a flourish of her magic, holding it directly in front of his nose and speaking in short, sharp words.
“Your mail, sir.”
Ever so slowly, Emerald turned his head to look at the window and the darkness beyond, then back to look at Grace’s stern expression. “Can it wait until breakfast? Ouch!” He rubbed his nose and cringed away from where the policemare was raising the rolled-up message in her magic to hit him again. “Okay, I get it. You don’t have to—”
With the message in-hoof, Emerald took a moment to really look at the fussy policemare and the stern Royal Guard standing right outside his door, from tiny flecks of food decorating both of their muzzles to a certain amount of mussed hairs on each of their coats.
Plus, Grace was not wearing her uniform, which Emerald thought might have been a second skin for her. And she was wearing a string of pearls, quite formal for a midnight visit to…
“Oh,” he said before continuing much slower and casting a longer look at the stern stallion. “I’m sorry for interrupting your date, Mister…?”
“Lieutenant Kudzu,” snapped Grace. “And it wasn’t a date. We were merely… Open your letter,” she finished with a threatening growl.
He did. Then Emerald looked at the single line of writing inside, which had been inscribed so hard there were scratch lines in the paper, and the thick letters smudged.
WHERE IS THE SNAKE!
He wanted to laugh.
After due consideration, it did not seem like a very wise reaction.
He got out his quill and settled down at the desk instead. In his opinion, he wound up writing quite a thoughtful, clear, obvious letter, describing the circumstances behind the sign he had accidentally left on Twilight Sparkle’s door—without Trixie, of course—and ending with the most sincere apology and promise that there had been no snake, was no snake, and would never be a snake inside the library, ever, because he was afraid of snakes too.
Grace took the letter from him when complete, made a few tiny corrections, then rolled it up and took it with her when she strode away, back down the frat house stairs, and out into the night, followed by the impassive Royal Guard.
And Emerald went back to sleep with a smile.
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And that’s it for now. Hearths warming may bring something. Or not.
If you're updating this story, why does it still say it's In Hiatus?
Dont go back for the snek.
There's always going to be something you forget.
... What?
Hatred and Panic are just Love & Excitement with their backs turned.
Georg's rule of writing: if you place a snake warning sign on a door in the preceding chapter, you WILL use said notice by the next
Ohh... so, so beautiful.
I mean... poor Twilight.
I'll be honest, I hadn't twigged that the sign may not have been removed.
If it weren't for the more observant readers who posted their thoughts last chapter, I would have been scratching my head at the sight of guards waking our poor Emerald.
10269392
Taking the snake sign down was the one thing he forgot to do.
10269322 Because it may not get updated for months or years, as my whims and workload dictate. It's more or less a writing exercise.
10269459 10269426 10269341 10269330 10269326 Chekov's Poster. Or Schrödinger's Python, I suppose. There's a possibility of a python within the library, and you can't define if it does or does not exist until you collapse the python's quantum state.
10269469
Chekov’s Python, indeed... possibly not Schrödinger's Python as there was no python, never would have been a python and never will be a python (although that last statement may be tempting fate). 
Dang, you beat me to it!
Nice to see the steadfast and stolid Lt. Kudzu is here as well... this may mean that Emerald may be off the hook on at least that front.
Hearth’s Warming May bring more, eh? Here’s hoping for inspiration to strike our author then... or earlier... I’m sure nopony will complain.
Pffft hahahahaha!
Lol
Probably best for Emerald's health that this arc's over. Gives him some time before the true backlash.
Ah fudge. Was hoping this wouldn't be the last chapter for now. Just sat down with a bowl of chips and cheese dip.
on the subject of Chekov, I look forward to the the day that Emerald and Twilight meet.
Lol
10269459
Ohh, forgot about that.
10269652
Yesterday? 🤣
Aw that’s it for now? Dang. I just found this! Aw well, patience is a virtue :/
10269469
You have a bunch of other stories that are way less active than this one, though, but aren't marked as on hiatus.
Should end with a question mark. Hilarious, btw.
10270568 Oh, it's not a question. It's a demand, backed up by force.
10269963 I like the pretty icon? No, I make no promises about finishing/completing/continuing this one. The others *will* be finished. (Except Bruener and Letters, which are continuing sagas)
Bwahahaha
Oh dear. :D
Happily, I could laugh on this side of the screen.
Anyway, a fun trio of chapters; glad I finally got through my queue to them! Thank you for writing. :)
All caught up. Man these last few chapters had me in stitches. I've gotta say, I like the Alicorn implication/possibility. Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next update.
Ha! That was a perfect capper for a very fun return to this series. These entrees did a nice job of conveying the misery of Flitter weather and Emerald in general. The Luna scene lived up to the preview when part of the whole, and the return of Trixie to Ponyville was an unexpected treat. But I feel for poor, tired Twilight who wants nothing more than to get in her own bed, and instead has to be on snake alert all night long.
Now I just want Emerald to run afoul of Cadance....
10269652
As amusing as that could be, Georg has very specifically stated that Emerald and Twilight will categorically never ever meet in this storyline.
That said, their meeting in Georg's alternate version of this tale was embarrassing and convoluted for both of them and led to a very interesting story.
HAH! I forgot about that sign. Apparently he did, too.
Oh, come on, Grace. I'm sure Twilight wouldn't kill the messenger who came bearing bad punctuation from a faraway source!
...
Right?
"Dear Twilight, the snake escaped into the town, where I believe it has devoured several background ponies, who won't be missed as there are at least 50 other ponies who look just like them. It'll be at least 6 months before the snake needs to feed again. Though it may slither back to the library now and then."
10441967
"No, no, he's got a point." Soooooo, a millionth of a second?
10537864 All shall one day become New Jersey... South Park predicted this... SOUTH PARK IS NEVER WRONG!! MUWAH HA HA HA!!