Any minute now.
I shift around in the small plush chair that I had dragged over in front of my desk earlier in a vain attempt to get comfortable. I glance at the monitor on the desk in front of me to check the time.
2:30.
With a quick tap of the “B” button, the small half menu vanishes from the screen, leaving only a grid of characters that all blur together into a rainbow and two spinning go-karts on the right side of the screen.
Looking down slightly, I drag my gaze across the base of my desk.
Water bottles? Check. Bowl of pretzels? Check. Needless anxiety? Double-check.
With a flick of my eyes back to the screen, I double-tap the home button on the controller again with a wing, causing the phantom menu to once again flash into being.
2:31.
Where the fuck is she? It’s like 10 minutes past the time we scheduled.
I lurch over to grab my phone from my desk and hold my hoof to the screen for a second. With a soft click, it lets me in and I start swiping.
Nope, no new messages from her, just an “I’ll be there in five minutes!” fifteen minutes ago.
With a sigh, I bring my hooves up to my face and lean-
A sharp gasp of pain wrenches itself out of my mouth and I briefly lose all oxygen in my lungs. With a reverberant slap, my phone falls from my hoof onto my lap and I hold my head in my hooves as tidal waves of needles and knives crash down on my body and I clench my teeth.
Ow fuck! Fuck me! STUPID fucking BITCH!
For several moments I just sit there, desperately sucking air into my battered lungs.
Another small gasp of pain hurls my jaw open briefly before I desperately suck in more air.
After several more eternities, the pain dulls enough to where I can focus on my heartbeat, breathing, and a faint knocking sound.
Stupid fucking horn. How the fuck did I forget it was there?
Wait, knocking? Oh.
“Com-” I cough twice and clear my throat. “Come in!” I croak out as best I can and crane my neck around to see the door. When almost an almost ethereal-like trio of colors appears through the doorway, I throw my head back around and grab a water bottle to take a swig.
“Hey,” she pants. “Sorry I’m late, you got everything started?”
I pause briefly from my self-induced near waterboarding to hum in agreement with the water bottle still on my lips and my head tipped back.
I gasp a second later when I swing my head back around and lower the bottle.
“Yep,” I say and wipe my mouth with my hoof. “It’s all set up.” I turn my head around again to get a better look at her and cock an eyebrow when I see her trying to compose herself.
She quickly brings a golden shoe-adorned hoof in towards her chest while inhaling, and then extends the hoof back out and exhales. She repeats this twice more quickly.
“You okay?”
Her eyes fly open to stare at me.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“What took you so long?”
“I just got tied up with something,” She says, walking over to me.
“You sure you’re okay? Y-you wanna talk about it?”
She smiles as she plops herself down in my rolling chair.
“There’s nothing really to talk about. A representative of my Church stopped me on my way back from the orphanage demanding to know where I’d been. Obviously, I couldn’t tell him anything but,”
I see her face scrunch up like a rounded accordion for a split second before she forces herself to take a deep breath.
“Sorry.”
“No, no, you’re fine. It was clearly weighing on you.”
“He was just incredibly…” she pauses for a brief moment.
Fucking annoying?
I go to open my mouth to voice my thoughts, but something stops me. I try three times to voice an “F” to get the ball rolling, but the brick wall stops me, as if the “F” just slammed into it and is now bleeding out on the floor.
So, I switch my starting syllable.
“Annoying?” I offer. She almost smiles.
“Persistent. Incredibly persistent. I only managed to shake him at the castle gates once I explained I had prior commitments.”
“Well,” I have no idea what to offer you. “Sorry, you had to go through that. But at least now you can enjoy some cart racing. A whole lot better than getting hunted down by a pack of wolves.”
“Wolves?”
“The Church.” She smiles fully this time. “Anyway,” I start while reaching over to grab a controller from the desk. “Here, one fifty cc” A light blue aura cradles the controller.
“Thanks.”
I hum in response and lean back in the chair.
“And thanks for asking.”
I briefly glance over and smile at her.
“Anytime.”
I know the feeling well.
With several flicks of the joystick, my cursor moves across the screen to pick a bulky pile of lava and bones. A deep, triumphant roar echoes through the room when I press down on the controller.
I look over to see Cadence smirking at the screen.
“Of course, you go for Bone Turtle.”
“Oh, you know the play?” I ask, shifting her attention to me.
“I know how wrong you are,” She retorts and widens her smirk.
What? What the fuck could she possibly know? I got my kart combo from Game Hypothesis, the internet’s most trusted source for completely infallible information.
“You say that so confidently that I’m second-guessing myself now.”
Cadence just chuckles and returns her attention to the screen. She moves her cursor across the screen to pick…Turtle Troopa.
What.
A soft chuckle brings me back to the real world.
“I have absolutely no idea what you’re doing.”
“You’ll see.”
I roll my eyes and focus back on the screen. I go for my usual kart combo: a white and orange bike body with jet-like wings protruding from either side along with a bulge in the middle of it, tiny red wheels, and a pair of clouds with a big happy smile on them for my hang glider.
Focusing my attention on Cadence’s picks, I cock an eyebrow and let my mouth go slightly agape when I see that she’s picked a thick, yellow, metal pipe frame with small azure wheels and a white and pink model plane as her glider.
What? High acceleration and handling, low speed and weight? I tried that combo back in, like, the Vii era games, and again when I first got my NX.
It doesn’t work here.
I turn to look at her again.
“Really? This?”
“Are you doubting me?”
“Ehhhh, a little.”
She leans forward a bit.
“Alright, pick a course,” I say, still leaning back in my chair.
“You can pick.”
Here we go. My resolve is shitty enough to know where this is going.
“You’re the guest.”
“Whose castle is this?”
I roll my eyes and smirk.
“Holy shit, fine. Excitebike Arena it is.”
The big “OK!” button disappears from the screen and fades into a checkered background.
I look over to see Cadence take a short swig of water and almost slam the bottle back down on the desk. Her expression remains flat throughout the entirety of it.
I lean forward briefly to grab a hoof full of pretzels from the bowl before leaning back and popping one in my mouth.
A guitar riff draws my attention to the middle of the screen. I press “A” and both cameras on either side of the screen swing around to finally show our racers from the back.
A yellow turtle creature sitting on a yellow cloud with a fishing rod in hand descends from the heavens above and raises their free hand.
3…
2…
I start holding the “A” button.
1…
GO!
I frown as Cadence’s beginning boost somehow lasts longer than mine, pushing her to second place instantly if my glances at her side of the screen are any indication.
Eh, it’s fine. I’ll catch up.
The sound of glass shattering and revving engines fills our ears as Cadence picks up her first item box. A trip down to the slot machines later, she lands a green shell, and I spy the shell closely trailing behind her kart as if it were attached by a short tether.
Glass shatters again and my kart comes abruptly to a halt when a red shell hits it without any warning.
What the fuck.
I sigh and let my shoulders drop.
Come on, come on, something good!
A banana. Fucking great. That would’ve been useful about half a second ago.
When my kart gets going again I notice I’m in tenth place, and Cadence is in the lead.
Again, I’ll catch up.
Several dirt mound jumps, booster pads, mud slicks, and a naturally faster kart later, I’m in second place, closely behind Cadence with a mushroom in hand.
Just as I see her hop another small dirt mound, I press “L” and rocket forward to jump off the same mound not a heartbeat later.
When we land and exhaust our small boosts, there’s a brief second where our two karts meet. We’re both traveling at the same speed for a significant amount of time for a Kario Mart game, with no obstacles or items in the way.
But that split second doesn’t last forever. Just before we go into the second curve to loop back around to the finish line, Cadence’s cart inches forward just a smidge. And then another smidge.
And then another smidge.
She’s faster than me. How the fuck?
“You’re faster than me,” I mutter, my mouth slightly widened in disbelief. “How’re you faster than me?”
All I get in response is a light chuckling.
I lean forward.
We both drift along the curve, careful to dodge the mud piles and build up our boost as much as possible. Coming out of the drift, we both end with a red boost. Letting go slightly before Cadence, I rocket ahead of her as the finish line of the first lap comes into view.
But, just as I’m about to cross it, Cadence slowly and elegantly passes me, taking first place for the first lap.
“How the fuck are you faster than me?” I cry in disbelief.
She cackles.
Holy shit.
A red shell hits me and I tighten my grip on the controller before forcing myself to let go.
This is not how I expected this to go.
Another red shell slams into me.
“Fuck this! From where?!”
Cadence just laughs again.
“You wanna restart and we can pick different carts?”
I shake my head.
“Nah, nah, I’ve already picked this cart and I’m sticking with it. I’m fucking beating you today if it’s the last thing I do!”
“AAAaaaaugh, why?!” I cry out while chuckling. A blaring alarm emanating from the TV pierces the room and my very soul before a spikey blue shell flies up above me and slams down into my kart, creating a huge explosion.
“Again? Really?” I say quietly and let the controller flop into my lap and let myself fall back into the chair.
Cadence just cackles again and I try to suppress my laughter with a disapproving look towards the screen and a frown.
Keyword: try.
A few small chuckles end up being barely audible from my throat since I have my lips sewn together.
A short, high-pitched blaring noise plays out before quickly descending to a lower tone as “FINISH!” flashes onto Cadence’s half of the screen.
Meanwhile, I watch the number on the bottom left of my screen quickly and steadily climb as the other racers pass me before I can get back up to speed.
1st.
2nd.
5th.
8th.
I sigh when my kart finally passes the checkered line and the same bold yellow words appear on my half of the screen.
“Well, that is quite unfortunate.”
“It’s alright, you almost won this time.”
“D-don’t fucking patronize me!” I nearly shout while pointing a hoof at her before both of us break down into laughter. I simply shake my head all the while.
“Currently malding,” I mutter when our laughter dies and she giggles again. Like how you just let a small breath out of your nose when something tickles your funny bone.
“You wanna go again?” She asks and I sigh again before looking up to the ceiling.
I don’t, I ain’t having fun anymore.
Quickly, I glance over to look at her wide smile before glancing away and letting my eyes wander for a moment.
She definitely looks like she’s still having fun and I don’t want to take that away from her. How often would she even get to do this, as a Princess and a revered Goddess? I haven’t even seen her with any of her friends…but I guess that's because of my existence that she can't exactly invite any of them over.
Even so, should I say as much to her? She’s clearly de-stressing from earlier with this…maybe she already knows. Who knows? Not me.
‘Do not think you’re alone in this. If you have any concerns, please do not hesitate to bring them to any one of us. We have already bared the burdens that you are about to be thrown into.’
Yeah, I don’t think Luna’s words apply here. Something as trivial as me having fun in video games is not at all comparable to the burdens of immortality.
I bring my gaze back to focus on her.
“D-do you wanna go again?” I ask.
“I’m asking you.”
“And I’m also asking you. If you’re still down for another round then let’s go.”
“Mezzo, come on. If you’re not having fun then we should do something else.”
“No, really, let’s go again.” Quickly, I bring my controller back up and immediately press “A” thrice to pick a cup, course, and start the race.
A feeling akin to a thousand tiny needles pressing into my skin from all directions washes over me as I desperately try to maintain my focus on the game.
After a long moment, the track preview fades onto the screen and the feeling dies down…somewhat. Tentatively, I glance at Cadence out of the corner of my eye and catch her doing the same with a frown.
Caught in the act.
“Really, I’m down for another game. You don’t need to worry,” I say smirking.
At least, I hope that’s what it looks like.
Another heartbeat later, she sighs, smiles a little, and presses “A”.
3.
I turn my head back to the screen.
2.
I press the “A” button down.
1.
But I’m caught off guard this time as two blaring alarms play this time, not just one. The ringing from my phone on the wooden desk harmonizes with the starting signal for the race into a momentary cacophony.
Quickly, I press plus.
“Shit, sorry. Who the f-” I say as I bring my phone up to my face.
It’s Celestia. Why is she calling me?
I tap the green button and bring it up to my ear with a hoof.
“Hello?”
“Mezzo?”
“Yeah?”
“Where are you right now?”
“Playing Kario Mart with Cadence, why? Did I forget something?”
“Spellcasting lessons?”
My lips drop a thousand feet into a black abyss known as a frown. Oh, hey look, my stomach just threw itself down there as well! How wonderful!
Fuck.
“Oh right! Fuck!” I exclaim, standing up. “Sorry, I’ll be right there!”
“I’ll be waiting in the usual spot.”
“Alright, sorry again. Bye.”
“Bye.”
“Who was that?” Cadence asks as I walk over to turn off the NX.
“Pr-er Celestia, I’m late for spellcasting.”
Fuck, fuck fuck! How the fuck did I forget! Cel-Lun-DAMMIT! I can’t even pick one!
“Oh right! I’m sorry, Mezzo, I should’ve realized.”
I cock my eyebrow at her as I strap my phone holder around my shoulder.
“What? This ain’t your fault. I’m the one who set an alarm and should’ve heard it go off. How the fuck did I not hear it?”
“I’m sure it’s fine,” She says as I take a final swig of my water bottle and slam it back down on the desk. “She’s very understanding.”
I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes.
Obviously.
“Yeah, I know, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that I’m late and should’ve realized.”
How the fuck did I not hear it? It should’ve gone off! 5 P.M. right after day court. That’s it!
I grit my teeth for half a second before I force my jaw to relax. I take a deep breath as I nearly rush for the door.
Wait.
“Do you wanna come with me?” I call back to her.
Eye contact, dumbass.
I whirl around.
“I have something I need to do first, but I’ll join you in a bit.”
I nod before throwing the door open.
“Hey!” I call out.
Pant
“Sorry again.”
Pant
“Thanks for waiting for me.”
Pant
Over the course of a minute, I continuously break into small bursts of speed in an effort to get closer to Celestia.
“It was no problem,” she says, smiling. A bitter breeze makes me shiver as it sweeps over my back and I spread my wings out a little to catch it.
I sigh. Good shit.
“I must’ve looked like a fucking psychopath to everycreature I ran past.”
Now it’s Celestia’s turn to sigh as she puts her phone down and readjusts her hooves.
“Mezzo?”
“Yeah?”
“Sit down for a moment, please?”
I sit down with her underneath the tree.
“You need to get a handle on your cursing habit.”
Oh, this again? Wait…no way they don’t tell each other anything and everything, right?
“While we may not mind it, there are those in public that will. You will need to get control of that so it cannot be held against you.”
I sigh.
“Yeah, I know. I honestly forgot until you brought it up again just now. Did Luna bring it up with you?”
For an almost imperceptible amount of time, Celestia…stops moving. I know it’s not a very good description since she isn’t exactly moving in the first place but there really isn’t a better way to say it. She sighs again.
“Yes, she did, but the point does still apply.”
“I know, I know. I know you’re right, it’s just gonna take a lot to break it.” I say as I let my gaze fall to the soft grass and sigh.
Damn, it’s just a sigh fest today, isn’t it?
After a moment of silence: “Just, please try and be more mindful of it. Thinking about your thinking-”
“-changes your thinking. I know.”
Wait, I just interrupted her. Fuck! You dumb fucking four-legged…GAH! I don’t even know! And there I go, cursing again! How am I gonna f- stop myself from saying those things if I can’t stop myself from thinking them?
“Sorry, I just tell myself that all the time. I shouldn’t expect you to know that.” I say, casting my gaze down for a second.
“It’s quite alright, you clearly have a lot on your mind.”
I chuckle humorlessly and smirk.
“True. Anyway, spellcasting.”
Celestia nods. “Yes. To start for today, you’re just going to try channeling your magic again.”
My breath hitches for a moment and a few butterflies start to flutter in my stomach.
“I will have a shield spell ready this time in case anything goes awry.”
I nod. “It shouldn’t but good idea. Channeling was fine last time, it was just when I tried to cast it was when I f- died.”
It’s fine, Celestia’s got me, it’s fine. Dammit, fuck off butterflies! And hey look, I’m cursing again! I take a deep breath.
“Mezzo, if this is too much for you ri-”
“No, no, I’m fine, just gimme a moment, please.” I bring a shaky hoof up to my brow to wipe it and take another deep breath.
I can focus on worrying about that later. Just tackle it one problem at a time. Right now, focus on spellcasting.
“Right, I’m good now. Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine,” She replies, smiling.
“N-no, I mean for interrupting you again.”
“That is also fine.”
Sure.
“Alright, ready?” I ask. I nearly lose my concentration when a radiant golden glow from Celestia’s horn captures my attention. She nods.
“Ready when you are. Remember, clear your head and delve into your heart.”
I nod and close my eyes.
Clear my he-bum bum.
Worry about cur-bum bum.
Gotta stop inter-bum bum.
Cadence deser-bum bum.
I have to stop myself from clenching my teeth.
Bum bum
I see it again. The cloud layer. The clouds are visibly thinner in the place where the geyser erupted from last time.
Ever so slowly, a thin stream of blue crawls out from the thin cloud layer, snaking its way upwards into the sky like a double helix.
A small pain makes itself known in the back of my mind, but it’s small enough for me to brush it off.
It ain’t the pressure like last time so I think it’s fine.
Right? Right?
The pain starts to grow.
Yeah, fuck this!
As quickly as the geyser recedes, I throw my eyes open and grab my head with a hoof, panting. I quickly look up to my horn to see a few sparks of magic sputtering out of the fading magic stream like my breathing after a mile-long run.
“Are you okay?” I see Celestia ask out of the corner of my eye. Tentatively, I nod and take a deep breath.
“Yeah, just felt like I was gonna explode again.”
She nods. “Let’s take a short break. Cadence should be here in a minute or two anyways.”
I nod and take another deep breath before sprawling myself out on the grass. I cross my hooves in front of me and rest my head on them, simply focusing on my breathing and the soft breeze still permeating the air around me.
This sucks. Why can’t I just fuc-get it? It can’t be this hard, right? Foals do this shi-all the time. I’m just fuc-
I clench my teeth before sighing again.
-defective.
This is going to be a nightmare to break.
“Hey.”
I throw my head up as my entire body clenches for a moment.
Pink. It’s just Cadence staring down at me.
I sigh in relief. “Fuck, you scared the shit outta me.”
Her giggles sound like a soft melody and she smiles. “Sorry about that. How’d it go?”
“We’re taking a break right now, I almost blew up again.”
“You would’ve been fine regardless,” she starts, walking around to lay down next to me. “Celestia is one of the best spellcasters in the entire world, right next to Twilight. You’re in good hooves.”
I nod. “Yeah, I know, it’s just an irrational fear. One of the few things I can’t logic my way out of, unfortunately.”
“At least you can recognize that.”
“But it doesn’t seem to help at all.”
“Come on, just try it one more time. If it doesn’t go over well then I’ll convince Celestia to postpone today’s lesson.”
“What? No. I want to get this, I just don’t wanna die while doing it.”
I will get this. It’s supposed to be easy! Simple! No fuc-way I’m having trouble doing what a FOAL CAN DO!
I have to stop myself from clenching my teeth again and I settle for pursing my lips.
“Alright, I’m ready,” I say as I stand up. Cadence follows suit and we walk over to where Celestia is once again dragging the tip of her hoof across the screen.
Signing something? Maybe.
“Hey, ready to go again?” I ask and she flicks her head up.
“Oh, yes, one second.”
I nod and sit down for a brief moment. I let my gaze wander until a soft click brings my attention back to Celestia.
“Alright,” she starts, charging her horn again. “Just do what you did last time. Take it slow and stop when you feel signs of trouble.”
I nod again and close my eyes…only for them to flutter back open as I feel a warmth spread out from my back. I look over to my right to see Cadence smiling down at me with a wing across my back, her flowing mane just barely out of view.
She nods.
I let out a shaky breath and close my eyes again.
Bum bum
There’s the cloud cover. The quiet whir of wind fills my ears.
I feel a small pressure in my head as the small blue stream hits the bottom of the cloud cover.
What? No, don’t panic.
I focus on the warmth I feel around me. It’s enveloping me like a big comforter in the middle of winter near a fireplace. That warm, cozy feeling that sends a small shiver down your spine.
Slowly, the blue stream slides out of the cloud cover again. Slower this time and slightly more…wait, it moved.
The stream just changed course. It’s now traveling upwards at an angle.
I focus on the warmth again, how it spreads out across my back and my entire body.
The stream moves again.
Alright, let’s keep going.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I let the stream travel up into the sky and past my line of sight where my eyes are forced open. I’m panting slightly. Ignoring that, I bring my gaze up towards my horn to find it glowing a brilliant deep blue, like a shining beacon piercing the heavens.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes again.
Alright, step one: done. Step two: let’s go.
Slowly, I let the stream from my horn reach out into the air with all the gracefulness of a filly flinging a jump rope around. When the stream gets close enough to the grass, it seems to get pulled at an angle towards the grass. More specifically towards the tree.
It weaves around a massive golden glowing equine form and latches onto a small brown beacon. It’s not very noticeable or remarkable at all, but it’s there. And my magic can clearly see it.
With as much precision as I can muster, I guide the thrashing end of the stream to a careful point where it sinks into the brown beacon.
“Alright, now what?” I whisper. After a brief moment of silence, Cadence whispers back.
“Just imagine the stick floating up into the air and it will follow.”
I nod and start to physically bring my head up with the stick as I imagine it floating. And just as slowly as I imagine it going, the stick floats up into the air.
I’m doing it. I’m DOING IT!
My mouth widens in disbelief.
“Well, that’s happening,” I whisper.
“Yes,” Celestia responds quietly. “How does it feel?”
“A lot better. It’s like I can tell it to do anything and it’ll listen.”
Cadence brings a hoof up to her mouth to muffle a chuckle. “Not exactly, but it will follow however you imagine it to move.”
I nod and the stick follows.
“You don’t need to physically move your head to move it, you only need to imagine it,” Celestia says.
Slowly, the stick drags its way through the air. I imagine it rotating and it rotates. I imagine it going up and it goes up. I imagine it bonking Celestia on the head and-
“You better watch yourself,” she says with a scowl after dodging her head out of the way. The scowl breaks down into a smile when I laugh.
I imagine the stick flinging across the sky like a swo-
“OW FUCK MY ASS!” I cry as my horn dissipates and the stick drops to the ground. I grip the base of my horn and fall backward as thick needles of pain shoot their way throughout my body.
My head starts throbbing.
“Are you okay?”
“What happened?”
I let out a grunt. “I don’t know,” I say breathlessly. “What the fuck?”
“Relax for me, Mezzo,” Celestia says. “I’m going to cast a healing spell and I need you to stay still.”
“Relax? Kinda dying right now,” I say quietly before letting out another grunt and rolling over as another wave of pain crashes through me. But a pair of hooves on my torso pull me back over to face towards the sky, causing another pang to rocket through me.
“OW, fuck, really? Why’d you-ooooooooh.” I let out a groan as I feel an even greater warmth than before spread out from my horn, sending the sharp needles and crashing waves back to the depths of Tartarus where they belong.
I can’t help but pant briefly once the pain fully recedes into nothing but phantoms.
“Thanks for that,” I say breathlessly into the sky.
“No problem.”
“Do you know why that happened?” Cadence asked as she walks into my line of sight.
Heh, she’s sideways.
“No,” I reply instantly. “I don’t remember hitting my head on…” …anything. No, that’s a lie, yes I do.
“No, that’s a lie. I accidentally slammed my phone into my horn when I was waiting for you earlier this afternoon.”
Cadence cringes, almost violently so. “Oh no, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“Because I thought I was fine when the pain dissipated.”
Cadence just shakes her head. “No, it takes a long time for the pain to fully go away after hitting your horn, even if you can ignore it. I had to learn that the hard way as well.”
I cock an eyebrow. “Really? How long does it usually last?”
“Depending on the severity, anywhere from an hour to a day or two.”
My eyes widen. “Two days?! Fuck me.”
“If you ask nicely, we just might,” Cadence says, winking.
“Shut the fuck up!” I shout and Cadence cackles.
“Language,” Celestia pipes up.
I sigh and bring my hooves up to my face. “Right, sorry.”
“Anyway,” Cadence starts, smiling. “You did it! You actually did levitation!”
I smirk and bring my hooves down. “Yeah, I did what every foal in the history of the entire world has done, thank fu-”
“Oh, come on, you can at least be proud of yourself.”
“Yeah, proud of myself for becoming slightly less defective.” I sigh and bring my hooves back up.
Now I’m starting to sound like an unappreciative fucking assh-
I clench my teeth.
“Now I just gotta learn more spells, fix my cursing, get my stammering under control, w-” I cut myself off.
“And we’ll be right here alongside you,” she says with as much enthusiasm as she can muster.
I sigh again.
Yeah, if I can stop getting in my own way.