The Substitute Librarian
Hearth’s Warning Eve
“Greenie?” His younger sister sounded concerned, even more worried than he expected. “Are you back here somewhere? Regal says you haven’t left the train since it stopped at Ponyville, and this is the last compartment.”
There was a rustling of hooves out in the corridor, and Frost’s voice took on a friendly air. “Oh, Princess Cadenza! Such a pleasure to see you and your beautiful lady friend. Are you looking for my little brother? I think he’s in the lavatory, and he’s single.”
“No, I’m not!” blurted out Emerald, then rested a hoof in the middle of his forehead while his sister laughed outside the door. “She’s not really following me, is she?”
“Nope. You bugged out before she got all the way into the car. I think all she saw of you was your tail.” Frost tapped against the lavatory door. “How did you get in there anyway? Don’t they lock the door when the train’s approaching the station?”
“Key,” said Emerald. “Amazing what you can get by mail-order these days.” He waited a moment and added, “You know, I didn’t get Regal’s bride an engagement present yet. I could stop off in town here and buy something really quick.”
“Not a chance. Father said you’d try to sneak away in Ponyville. You have a marefriend here?”
“Four or five dozen,” he quipped while considering how quickly he could open the door, sprint out the back of the train, and vanish into the snow-covered town before the train left. Normally, the last place he would want to be was Ponyville, home of the world’s most dangerous librarian. Correction, home of the world’s most dangerous unmarried librarian. Today was different. He had a plan. Well, part of a plan.
Escaping his family’s winter trip to Manehattan celebrating Regal’s engagement was supposed to be easy: Hide in the bathroom, slip out just as the train began moving, and take the next train back to Canterlot. It would be a lot easier than trying to be civil among Regal’s soon to be in-laws for an entire week. Hearth’s Warming was supposed to be a time of togetherness, friendship, and warmth between ponies who did not usually see eye-to-eye. It was certainly not a time to trot out your family’s youngest unmarried son to be examined for compatibility against whatever Manehattan mares who could not be matched to more suitable stallions. His presence at those events always felt like he was starring as some sort of after-holiday sale item, marked down to half off with a discount price tag hanging off his hat.
“Come on out, Greenie. We’ll go back to the dining car and get you some cheesy asparagus, then we can bug Graphite about his new marefriend all the rest of the way to Manehattan.”
Admittedly, the offer was tempting, and not just for the asparagus. There was a problem, however. Well, more than the Princess of Love lurking somewhere on the train.
At the Manehattan end of the trip, there were a thousand ways to sabotage any attempts by his parents to match him up against yet another single mare or two, but far too many of them could backlash during such an auspicious occasion, and inevitably hurt his family. The safe thing to do was also the chicken thing to do, since Twilight Sparkle and her merry band of Bearers were reported out of town for the next few days, getting ready for the Canterlot Hearth’s Warming Play.
Which meant Ponyville was safe for the moment. Or as safe as a town that had visits from a giant stellar bear and Nightmare Moon could be, he supposed.
“Hey, Snowball.” Regal’s cheery voice sounded as the back door to the train opened and closed. “Got Greenie trapped in the loo, I presume?”
“Right where you said he’d be hiding.” Frost giggled outside the door. “Want me to get Princess Cadenza to talk him out?”
There was a long-suffering sigh and some scuffling noises from Regal as he turned their sister around in the corridor. “Go on, Snowball. I’ve got some stuff I wanted to talk to Greenie about in private, anyway. I’ll bring him back to the dining car when we’re done.”
“Promise?” There was a faint sniffling noise, indicating that Frost was using her big blue eyes to their best effect.
“Absolutely. Now, scram. And no listening in, or I’ll tell mom.”
“K.” There was no mistaking Frost’s progress down the train car because she practically bounced along, much like Pinkie Pie was rumored to move. Once she was gone, Regal waited a moment, then followed along, most probably to make sure she was not listening at the train door.
It was Emerald’s chance, and he popped out of the lavatory like a wind-up foal’s toy, making the corner and—
Stopped cold in the corridor, Emerald looked back at his smirking big brother and struggled briefly for appearance’s sake. “Glue spell?” he asked.
“Glue spell,” confirmed Regal. After checking at the door for eavesdropping little sisters, his handsome brother strolled back down the train corridor and regarded the less-than-handsome younger brother. “What in Equestria are we going to do with you, little bro?”
“Drag me to Manehattan, marry me off to some third-tier industrialist’s daughter or such, and chain me to the Chrysanthemum House factory, supervising the making of magical widgets for the rest of my life,” said Emerald. “Oh, wait. What are you going to do with me? I have some suggestions,” he added, taking a plaintive look at the exit door to the train corridor while Regal undid his spell on the train corridor floor.
“I bet you do.” Regal shrugged out of his fur-lined coat, which had been a gift from one of Father’s business contacts in Protocera, so the rabbit-fur around the hood was most likely real. He brushed a few flakes of snow off the shoulders and continued to hold it in his magic while speaking. “Father has every step of this trip planned out,” said Regal in that infuriating Now-Pay-Attention-I’m-Important voice he could do so well. “I’m certain any mares you happen to meet will be perfectly fine, and you don’t have to worry about any surprise weddings. Once we get there, I really want to introduce you to my future bride and her little brother, who I noticed in the photographs did not have his cutie mark yet.”
“I checked her family out in Twerp’s Peerage before we started,” said Emerald. “She also has an unmarried little sister just a year or two younger than her. I love you as a brother, Regal, but I don’t need you as a brother-in-law too.”
From his expression, Regal had not expected that twist either.
“So,” continued Emerald just as smoothly as he could, “if your little brother happened to vanish into Ponyville to buy you two an engagement gift, which he hasn’t yet, and happened to miss the train on the way back due to unforeseen delays in town, you could explain that I cared so much and was so upset, and that I really wanted to attend this horrible week of torture while being auctioned off like a discount fruitcake.”
“Greenie,” started Regal in a cautioning tone, but Emerald was having none of it.
“Or you could drag my struggling carcass in with all the rich unicorns who are going to be at your party, and I swear by the Protocerean’s First Egg that I won’t try to make a scene, but one of those overstuffed plutocrats will say something that will make me say something and I don’t want to hurt your chances with your beautiful bride, but I can’t keep my big mouth under control with that many chances to use it. You know it. All you have to do now is stand aside, close your eyes for a moment, and your perfect week with your future in-laws will run on greased rails. Please?”
Regal considered it for a time with a sharp frown and a total inability to meet his younger brother’s eyes before muttering, “You’ll at least come to the wedding, right?”
“If I have to go to the dentist and have my jaw wired shut,” said Emerald with one hoof upraised. “Promise.”
“Well…” Regal floated his coat over Emerald’s back, then tucked a pouch of bits into one of the pockets. “I’m not closing my eyes around you again. And I’m going to be terribly miffed that you borrowed my best coat for your shopping trip, just so you know.”
“Just don’t tell the local police,” said Emerald, moving forward and giving his big brother a quick hug. “Good luck with your fiancée, and keep Father busy until the train starts moving.”
Then Emerald was out the back door of the train and into the frosty morning air of Ponyville.