Stranger than Falkor
Twilight Gets a Puppy
Season 6
By TDR
Stranger than Falkor
[A week after Nightmare Night, Fall]
“DAMN IT DD!!!” Saturnia screamed out as the massive lizard monster, Cipactli, surged through the mud after them. “Can I not have one date without you screwing it up!?”
“I didn't tell you to come along with me!” Daring Do shouted back at the changeling currently in a rather expensive looking red dress that clung tightly to her Abyssinian form showing off a good bit of leg and cleavage.
“NO, you just invited me to the damn convention!” Saturnia snarled back ducking a ball of mud.” And then happen to have stolen a mystic key despite KNOWING you were going to be surrounded by civilians!”
“This is very realistic.” Quibble Pants grumbled, the stallion only having gotten involved in this after he was foal napped with Rainbow Dash during an argument over the Daring Doo books.
“This is AWESOME!!” Rainbow Dash shouted, quite certain she had won the argument with Quibble.
“Oh I agree..” Prince grinned, having gotten Rainbow Dash to dress up as Daring Doo from book six, Daring Do and the Spice Smuggling Space Slug. ”Much better than that Daring Doo 'Vacasperience' or whatever they were calling it. That was boringly safe.”
“I have mud in places that there should not be mud.... please may I burn him.” Sunset snarled darting along with the others in very nice and clingy dress that matched Saturnia's though she was wearing it in her human form with her hair up and hers was black.
Rarity had loved how the red and black dresses played off the pair.
“Can you even burn anything in human form? I thought you had magic issues like this?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“I've been practicing.” Sunset offered.
“Bork.” Rahs rolled his eyes at Sunset running behind the others he was dressed in a nice white tux that he thought he looked good in. He had also thought this was just a date with Saturnia, only for Sunset to show up as well with both of them cooperating in trying to woo him. His only complaint about that was that his suit's pants were waaaay too tight to deal with both of them at once when they got like this.
“That wasn't a no....” Sunset commented.
“Yes it was!” Daring Do called back.” And Cipactli is a god, one of rain, mud and crocodiles, be glad its in this form and not the one with a mouth on every joint, that shit gets wild.”
“How the heck do you know what he said?” Sunset snapped at her, wincing as a chomp of the lizards teeth cut her hair tie letting her orange and red hair spill free. The beast got a punch in the nose from her for that.
Rahs frowned.
“Nunya.” Daring asked dipping under a claw and galloped towards a slowly closing door as the beast roared behind the group rubbing it's nose.
“What?” Quibble asked.
“As in Nunya Business. ”Daring snapped back diving through the door and quickly whipped around to try and prop it open for the others to rush through. All of them made it save Rahs who slid to a stop as the door slammed shut with a final thud. There was a loud roar and the sounds of violence from the other side of the thick stone door.
“RAHS!” Saturnia, Sunset, Prince, and Rainbow all shouted out.
“Oh that's it. I'm fucking everything up now. EVERYTHING BURNS!” Sunset snarled.”Saturnia, the door please.”
Before the changeling could do anything the closed door started to crack and suddenly shattered, showering the others with bits of rock and mud. The lizard monster's head following the collapse, it's head fully through the hole though the expression on it's face seemed like it was in a panic now, not angrily trying to kill them.
“Help.” The beast whimpered as it was dragged back through the ruined door and the sounds of more violence sounded.
Peering through the group were treated to Rahs wearing his Lucador mask doing a series of rolling pile drivers, slamming Cipactli into the ground over and over again, the mud that was filling the temple due to the beast was now mostly splattered along the walls. With one last massive roar Rahs buried Cipactli into the ground leaving the monster with it's head embedded into the stone floor. Rahs stood up, took off his mask tucking it into the tux jacket he was wearing, he adjusted the blue tie he wore, brushed off his sleeve and strode towards the group with not a single drop of mud on his white tux or himself.
Saturnia and Sunset stared through the hole along with the rest of the group.
“How in Equss does he do that?” Quibble questioned.
“He's a Sparkle.” Prince sighed. “The real question is, why didn't he do it sooner?”
“Drama.” Rainbow Dash pointed out.
“Of course.” Prince sighed.
“Sunset.” Saturnia offered.
“Yeah?” Sunset asked.
“Make a really big hole out of this temple.”Saturnia offered.
“Okay... but why?” Sunset asked. “I mean I'm more than happy to, but, why now?”
“Simple, he may not be covered in mud, but we are, and I'm sure we can convince him to help clean us up.”
Rahs' eyes went wide at that, and the predatory smiles on his dates faces.
“That is not a bad idea.” Prince hummed as Rainbow Dash squeaked.
“I'm too young for this.” Daring groaned sticking her tongue out.
“You're the oldest one here you hag!” Saturnia snapped. ”Sunset!”
“I'M FIRING MAI LAZOR!!” Sunset cackled as the air around her ignited.
“So I'm just saying, sure Caballeron pays well, but how hard is it to get a dental plan?” A green maned and brown coated stallion asked.
“Fairly expensive from what I've heard.” A gray furred and white maned stallion standing next to him offered.
The pair of them were dressed like they stepped out of a old detective noir book and their manner of speech labeled them both as clearly from Manehatten, though their long coats hid their cutie marks.
“Yeah, but he makes how much from every trip we take? And who does the heavy work, we do, who plays guard duty afterward, and who are the first to get their teeth kicked in by Lara Crop or Daring Doo or Arizona Joe or whatever that guys name is?"
"You're not telling me anything I don't know already." Mook One offered back.
"You know I hear Ahuizotl offers a dental plan." Mook Two hummed to himself. These were the pairs actual names, they did not have creative mothers.
"Really? I thought he just used cats and cultists?" Mook One questioned.
"Nah, he does, but you remember Thug Three?"
"Oh yeah, girl made the best Gumbo. How's she doing?"
"She's retired, has a kid on the way. She married Grunt Six after the Tesla Job." Mook Two explained.
"Oooh I remember that job, real shocking stuff there. Good on her though. Hope she gives the foal a more imaginative name than what our parents came up with."
"She's planning for Iceberry Lilly if it's a filly and Paintbrush Lilly if it's a colt." Mook Two agreed." But any way not the point, her husband did a stint with Ahuizotl and while the guy didn't pay as much as some others he did have a medical and dental plan set up, not to mention retirement benefits. He even held a party for Grunt Six on his last day, wished him well and let him know he'd be welcomed back if he couldn't find anything else."
"See now that is a good boss. Might have to look into that next time Ahuizotl is hiring, not sure if I can pull off a grass skirt though." Mook One hummed. "Still. Gotta be more interesting than just standing around and stopping any one from leaving the temple through this door."
"Yeah, but, ehh this pays pretty well to just stand around and talk." Mook Two commented.
"Yeah." Mook One agreed.
Then a beam of fire evaporated the ground in a massive hole before them the sun blotted out with the brightness and the heat curled their hair.
The pair blinked and remained unmoving as their nose hairs shriveled from the heatwave.
A small group of arguing ponies climbed out of the hole, most of them covered with baked on mud save a blue diamond dog thing in a white tux, he was covered in two of the others and only seemed slightly perturbed about it..
A orange haired long pig and a Abyssinian had latched onto the dog and were dragging him off, though the long pig was cackling madly and the Abyssinian was giving a griffonesse salute to one of the ponies that wore a hat.
A white unicorn strode off with a blue pegasus on his back, the mare looking like she was trying to curl into herself with embarrassment with how red her face was.
The last two of them looked a bit like Daring Doo and a gender swapped Daring Doo were arguing with each other as they strode off after the other pair.
"Huh." Mook Two commented.
"Yup." Mook One agreed.
"That was a very big pillar of flame." Mook Two stated flatly.
"Yup." Mook One agreed again.
"Well not our problem as they didn't come out this very specific door we were told to guard." Mook Two concluded.
"Yup." Mook One agreed with final certainty.
[Ponyville, newly opened Pony Joes]
“So. You're the dragon lord now?” Starlight asked.
“Yes, though it's said with capitol letters, like this, 'The Dragon Lord.” Trixie offered.
“Not gonna ask how I heard it with capitalization.” Tempest muttered taking a sip of her coffee and prodding at the chocolate glazed doughnut before her, she was going to have to bust her flank to work off the other three she had already eaten, did she want to risk a fourth?
Yes.
Yes, she did.
“So how is that working out for you anyway?” Starlight asked poking at her curler. Tempest glared at the mare, she had eaten six of those things and Tempest knew her diet was trash but the unicorn mare didn't ever gain weight. If Starlight wasn't Tempest's friend she'd strangle her on principle.
“Not that bad really, Ember is doing quite well keeping the dragons in line in my name and I've only had one message sent by her which was to inform me of what she was doing, not ask if she could do it, just that she was. But then again I pretty much told her to do what was needed and keep me informed.” Trixie explained. “There are down sides to this though."
"What like learning to fly?" Tempest asked.
"No, I picked that up fairly well as I used several variations of flight in my shows. No what Trixie is annoyed with is she is having issue sleeping with a tail and wings comfortable. And that's not even mentioning trying to get comfortable with these over sized teats."
"And yet..." Starlight smirked catching on that Trixie sometimes just complained to do so.
"And yet everything else outweighs this by a long shot." Trixie continued. "Trixie is very much needing to adjust for her new power level. There are so many spells I could never cast before that I can now, not to mention my illusions are now beyond any scope I could have ever hoped to achieve. I'm not sure but I think I can actually cast things globally.”
“What seriously?” Tempest asked.
“Indeed. I can't for long, but evidently my connection to Bleu has tapped a bit into her 'Winds' portfolio and if there's a place with wind, I can do something there.”
“That does sound global. Having dealt with airships as much as I have once you hit a certain height there is always some sort of wind.” Tempest explained. “ How did you even figure this out?”
“Trixie was fiddling with things and Sunset's crystal thingy got a message from the Empire about something weird in the sky. Turns out Trixie was making abstract shapes over the empire and several other places she has been.” Trixie sighed. “Ember sent a note from Bleu telling me to stop causing panic. Though Ember pointed out her grandmother was laughing her fool tail off as she said that.”
“Still that's impressive that you can do things globally. “ Starlight offered glancing at the ruby encrusted doughnut Trixie was eating.
“It is a new limit. Trixie expects she can form things with her illusions any where on Equss, but not for very long before she gets exhausted.” Trixie pointed out. "It is rather hard to test too."
“You're getting nervous.” Tempest offered. ”You're back to third pony again.”
“What.. right sorry? Tri... I am trying, but if I get worked up it is far too easy to slip on the mask. Training with Princess Luna did not help that.” Trixie sighed.” I need to get better control of it for Fuzzy.”
Tempest and Starlight shuddered at the name. That the monster Sparkle was called such a cute name by someone they were friends with weirded them both out something fierce. Particularly because otherwise they liked Trixie. They just thought her taste in males was lacking.
"So how is that going with him any way?" Tempest asked knowing that if Trixie focused too much on Rahs, things would get weirdly uncomfortable for them but going for it anyway to distract herself from wanting another doughnut.
"I honestly do not know. As much as I do my best to boast that Tri... I am winning the contest for his heart, I am not sure I am. I may have finally got it into his head that I am not JUST his friend with the Dragon Lord set up, but I do not know if it is too little too late or not."
"Sunset and Saturnia are double teaming him on a date today." Starlight hummed to herself getting a glare from both of the others.
"Do not say it like that." Trixie grumbled.
"That's not what I meant." Starlight stammered.
Trixie smiled showing a great many pointed teeth before downing the ruby encrusted doughnut in a bite chewing it for a few moments before swallowing." I know... It's just. Apple Lack and the mutt have teamed up, the bug and the pyro have teamed up and the fish isn't looking to team up with any one, so Trixie does not have any one she can rely on for this. I mean even Spike is mad at Trixie for the whole Dragon Lord thing."
Trixie gestured with a claw to the purple dragon standing at the counter staring at Pony Joe.
"So .... an earth pony huh?" Spike questioned.
"All my life." Pony Joe offered looking a bit nervous at the dragons glare. It wasn't as bad as a cockatrice or Fluttershy, but if a dragon wanted to let you know it was glaring at you, you knew.
"And there just happens to be a Unicorn Pony Joe in Canterlot, a Pegasus Pony Joe in Cloudsdale, a Kirin Pony Joe in Lion Heart, and a Human Pony Joe in the human world, not to mention a Cybertrionion one, a Chiss one, a mouse one that set up in a place called Redwall, a ghost one, a Klingon one, a Geth one, a Elf one, drow, wood, and high, three dwarven ones, a rock troll one that the Captain Carrot guy said had always been in the city, a Thri'Krin one, and Arilou Lalila one, six Borg ones, a Bothan, though I think he died, a tree, and a sentient doughnut Joe that served glazed ponies."
"I know some of those words." Pony Joe offered.
"I'm onto you Joe." Spike growled as Applebloom grabbed him by the tail and drug him out of the store with the bag of doughnuts he just bought.
The two unicorns looked at each other as if they came up with the same idea.
"Errr we could help if you need it." Tempest offered.
"I mean, what are friends for if not to help another friend hook up with a terror that wakes me up screaming at night?" Starlight grimaced.
"I am less afraid of Ursas..." Tempest muttered.
"Seriously? You two want to help." Trixie blinked, then smiled, one with slightly less teeth, not that her toothy grin really bothered the other mares, they had nightmares about worse. "Well given both of you live in the same place as he does, I most certainly won't argue with your insight, not to mention I'm sure you two have loads of advice you can give as well given all your travels. It certainly beats trying to ask Rarity, and Sombra's only advice was to' knock out a few of his teeth and it will to work out', whatever that means. Though it made Rarity titter, so there's some meaning there."
“I don't even try to understand those two. And the marriage pool for them has gotten insane.” Starlight sighed. “I'm pretty sure this town has a very severe gambling problem.”
“According to The Mayor it didn't used to be this bad. It was really just the weather team, but since Twilight showed up there's just far too much 'to' bet on.” Tempest offered.
“Still that sounds great. I won't turn away any help I can get with this. Fuzzy is far too important to leave to a Bug that just wants to eat him, a mutt that only wants to breed, a mare who's confused by her form and a couple of royal brats who are just looking for a fling.” Trixie huffed letting out a long sigh.” For now Trixie wants another doughnut though.”
The two mares watched as the half dragon rose and walked over to the counter to order again. The pair spared a glance to each other before leaning closer and whispering.
“Please tell me you have some experience in this sort of thing.” Starlight half hissed.
“I spent my whole life trying to fix my horn and around yetis and those willing to stab each other in the back the second you look weak, what makes you think I've had a moment to even think about dating or anything like that?” Tempest offered back. ”What about you , you ran a whole town with guys in it under your control..”
“They were followers, not puppets and using them like that would have been an abuse of my status. Beyond that the only guy I was close with I last saw when we were six, and currently he's already married to a mare that I expect in the right circumstances could beat all four of the Sparkles at once, so I am not even gonna try to talk to him without permission.”
“ We are in so much shit.” Tempest sighed as Trixie came back with another doughnut and began to outline her plan to beat the others to Fuzzy's heart.
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would that be the subsurface to orbit variety?
Smart mooks. They should definitely get on with Ahuizotl.
Have I ever mentioned how much I love Bleu in this series?
Multiversal constants?
... what would Thri-Kreen donuts even taste like?
eeyup
Thank you for such a lighthearted and fun chapter. I saw the news about the death of Batman’s best voice actor passing away.
I think you meant to not add that "to", other than that this chapter was really enjoyable and keeps me smiling, keep up the great work.
I'd fork over my tech collection to see that~
Hahahaha, Sunset is just great... She keeps making references noone else but her will get. But she doesn't care at this point.
Also, Starlight and Tempest have doomed themselves.
Pony Joe is CMOT Dibbler's up-market cousin!
Rahs is playing Professor Kukri(?) Bruce Bond?
Slug?
Oh Ill get it.
Things, didnt quite go according to plan.
But of course
These guys are clearly not employees of Mooks'R'Us, too intelligent
Oh yeah, definitely
Too be fair, a single Sparkle in the right, or wrong, circumstances could probably topple nations
Speaking of, anyone want to start a Starpest betting pool?
11419818
Bleu is me favorite god here as well though if you want best insane gods the sparkles are the top just not over all that is Bleu cause she has the right mind set now laugh at ever stupid thing going on and and watch the boom booms from the bunker while eating popcorn
Almost as bad as sand...
Drama Boner is a thing?
TFS DBZ referance?
From what do the reference originally come from?
At least there wasn't a female one
11419924
Templight sound better
11419829
He had a bloody fine voice... I wonder if there is a voicebox somewhere with his voice?
11419847
Discord do, he probably has a eye on that fun filled character.
11419929
I wonder if they ran into any final fantasy, or I want to list another game from my steam library, but all the ones I can think of have basically only humans
11419940
Yeah, but one might confuse that for a Tempest/Twilight ship.
11419940
Maybe but I think this Twilight would prefer StarPest.
See, Rarity also ships it!
11419957
Mass Effect? I'd also say Elder Scrolls and Dragon Age, but most of their races are human or elf variants.
Lest anyone forget Moondancer is best borderline-hikikomori nerd girl, and she and Burst-kun belong together.
well i did ask what her ult was....not what i was expecting though...
Joe jokes gore obey my head. Uh nurse joy reference I don’t know
but this chapter was great lol
Mysterious Joe? That sounds intriguing. It is either a work of a cosmic prankster or Joe is as wide spread as Apple or Pie.
" . . . if there's a place with wind, I can do something there.”
You're going to do a fart joke somewhere, aren't you? Something Trixie can magically exploit.
Sir, I salute you.
11420061
I think Rarity just ships fashion.
11419934
The lazor thing comes from Asdfmovie. A source of many great memes back in the early 2010s.
Anyone see the Fan art of Fluttershy in Hellsing Alucard clothing? Totally hoping for something like that and perhaps a fashion or Modelle joke or comment from Rarity/NightmareRarity.
11421205
Damn fine nostalgia to the videos
Thanks for the answer
11419958
Damn... Good point...
11420553
Emergency venting of high pressure
See, this is why everyone thinks henchmen are stupid. The smart ones stay the fuck out of it.
I can answer that.
There ya go.
There is so much in this one paragraph...
Aren't these two from SiS?
So, Trixie can now cast illusion spells wherever there's wind?
I can see somebody farting in some future chapter, and Trixie getting the group out of trouble by using the - ahem, 'airflow' - as a magic carrier.
submit to the Joe collective for we are legion
BLAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
11420530
Or a subtle reference to the many Dibblers of Discworld: https://discworld.fandom.com/wiki/Cut-Me-Own-Throat_Dibbler
Did Spike just pulled a multiverse adventure as Rick&Morty style?!