Twilight Gets a Puppy
Season 6
By TDR
Flutter Bahamut,
Part 2
[Ponyville]
Zephyr Breeze was not an idiot.
Despite the claims otherwise.
He was however, excessively lazy, doing his best to coast through life with as little effort as possible. This had him running a number of scams through the course of his life, everything from pyramid scams, which he dropped because of the work involved, running a non profit religion, which was shut down due to Luna taking offense to it when she got back. Church of the Moon might have been a little too spot on. And his latest thing had taken a bit more effort, but he had also been trying to please his older sister by doing something with animals. He wasn't sure why she had a thing against Ponies for the Ethical treatment of Animals, but he was never sure what would set her off.
His big sis was a rather temperamental and sorta violent mare.
As such he knew he had to get out of her house sooner rather than later. In the past he had found the easiest and most enjoyable way to do that was to hook up with a mare and crash at her place.
As such he had started with the mare that had the biggest house in town.
“.. So aside from being sexy what do you do for a living?” Zephyr smirked leaning with an foreleg propped up atop the desk the nerdy looking purple mare was sitting behind as she looked through a book. Zephyr was sure it wasn't anything interesting because it didn't have any pictures, what kind of book didn't have illustrations?
“Uh huh.” The purple mare countered in a dead pan tone like she had done for the last ten minutes. He had used all he good lines on her too and he was reaching the dregs. Which was a pity cause this girl had a wingspan on her. A horn too, but no one was perfect. Not that he had anything against unicorns, they had some fun tricks, but he was more interested in a buff pegasus.
He had a preferred type, so what?
Ooh the things he could show this one in the air...
The door to the massive library was pushed open and a large red Nox-cal strode in.
Zephyr glanced to him, and ignored the other patron only to glance back at the purple mare and find she was gone.
“Big Mac!?” Twilight smiled trotting up to the transformed Nox-cal Nocturne with a smile on her face. “I thought you were going to be busy with the spring planting today?”
“Eeyup.” Big Mac offered as Twilight hugged him.
Twilight blinked as she pulled her forelegs back, or tried to as she seemed to be stuck to him. Her eyes widened as Big Mac started to swell before exploding into a mass of jam that coated much of the library and soaked Twilight.
Zephyr blinked, poking his head out from behind the desk he had dove behind.
Twilight sat there with jam dripping down her form, before her eyes narrowed and the jam started to bubble and smoke as she growled.
“Oh that insufferable bitch.”
“ You know what, you look busy... I'll come back later.” Zephyr offered and quickly flew out of the room and out of the tree.
“How rude. He didn't even try to flirt with me.”Seshat huffed as Blakeney and Peewee ran up to the mess of jam with a pile of toast.
“What? You're a tree!” Twilight fussed.
“Well yes. But I identify as a girl, it's the principal of the thing.” Seshat grumbled.
“Babe, if you were words on a page , you'd be fine print.” Zephyr offered to the absolutely gorgeous white mare before him, then she turned to face him.
“Zephyr, what a pleasant surprise.” Rarity smiled, the grin going far far further up her face than it should have.
“Uhh.” Zephyr took a step back .
“You do recall what I said last time you were in town. And what I would do to your chance to ever have children if you called me 'babe' again right?” Rarity offered, her smooth lines and curves getting exceedingly more sharp and pointy as she spoke.
“Yeaaaah gotta go..” Zephyr took off remembering exactly what happened last time with Fluttershy's friend.
“Bye now.” Rarity offered sweetly.
Sombra stood by and watched this with a morbid fascination as he waited for Rarity to return to normal before trotting closer to ask what he was wondering.
“Babe?” Sombra questioned. ”Isn't that what small foals are called?”
“It is also the name of a very famous pig.” Rarity snarled.
“Ahhh.” Sombra nodded.
“BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!” Lily cackled.
“Oh, oh... he's serious.” Roseluck snorted.
“He is? Oh stars, let me laugh harder.” Daisy collapsed into giggles.
Zephyr frowned, his ears laid back to his head as the three mares fell over themselves laughing. That had been one of his best pickup lines too.
It was a rather sharp blow to his pride that these three had been laughing at how small and puny he was. He turned and stormed off as the three continued to lose their minds.
“Bye tiny!” Roseluck called sending all of them into another fit.
“Are you a magician? Because when I’m looking at you, you make everyone else disappear!” Zephyr grinned waggling his eyebrows at the wine colored mare.
Berry Punch stared at the stallion for a few moments, leaning on her mop as she rested outside her bar after cleaning up. She tilted her head a little looking him over before shrugging and upending her mop bucket over his head. She had heard better pick up lines working behind the bar.
Zephyr blinked from under the bucket on his head.
“Sooo is that a maybe?”
Walking out of the spa after getting his mane fixed, and getting the bill charged to his sister, she wouldn't mind. He was stopped by screaming.
Looking at the source he spotted a young dragon covered in what looked like jam that seemed like it had exploded everywhere around the street, there was also a big red bow stuck to the dragon's face.
After running out of air from screaming in horror, the jam colored dragon promptly fainted.
“This town is weird.” Zephyr muttered trotting on.
“Are you a broom? Because you’ve swept me off my feet!”
The gray furred mare in the blue smock stared at him.
Zephyr blinked thinking this one looked familiar.
“That was funny.”
“Um, thank you?” Zephyr blinked again.
“I am already seeing some pony.” Maud stated.
“Oh?”
“WHAT!?!” Pinkie Pie screamed out, bursting out of Zephyr's Mane and landing before her sister.
“GAH!” Zephyr yelped.
“Yes.” Maud stated pointing a hoof to the side.
Pinkie and Zephyr looked only to see a changeling sitting there looking at the pair with a little bit of worry at Pinkie Pie's glare.
“Hi.”
“WHAT!?” Pinkie Pie demanded.
“He makes me laugh.” Maud explained.
The changeling coughed into his hoof.
“Hilarious.” Maud intones.
“WHAT!?” Pinkie Pie stared.
“Oh hey Kevin.” Zephyr called to the changeling. ”Been a bit since I saw you. Sorry I didn't know she was spoken for by you man, grats.”
Zephyr offered a wave of his hoof which Kevin returns before the pegasus trots off.
“WHAT!?” Pinkie stresses.
“Something’s wrong with my eyes, because I can’t take them off you.” Zephyr offered.
The orange furred blonde maned mare raised an eyebrow at that. She then turned her attention to the curly orange maned and peach colored mare nearby who was waving a hoof at Zephyr.
“Ehh? Ehh?” Pear Butter gestured with a wide grin at the stallion.
“Nope.” Applejack huffed, pushed her hat down, and stomped off.
“Oh come on.” Pear Butter cried.
Zephyr shrugged and turned to start flirting with the pretty mare still before him only for a looming feeling of dread to cross over him. A slight glance to the side showed a massive yellow earth pony stallion with a red mane staring at him.
Bright Mac shook his head slightly, but clearly, no.
Zephyr quickly left the farm.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA!” Aria cackled like she had head the best joke ever.
Zephyr huffed and flew off. Mares in this town didn't know what they were missing.
Zephyr looked up at the massive towering form of the black furred Diamond dog.
Jynx stared down at him ears perked curiously.
Zephyr considered.
“Nope.” and flew off.
Jynx blinked not sure what that was all about.
“Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!” Zephyr smiled.
There was a titter next to him and Zephyr smiled. He had spotted the pink maned changeling mare a bit ago and had run right up to talk to her.
Changelings ate love right? He had plenty of that to go around, and what stallion wouldn't love a mare that could be anything he wanted.
He put out some good lines got a smile and was going right on with it.
Though when he looked back at her she was much shorter, and had on a rather bad pink wig.
Zephyr blinked looking around for the leggy pink changeling mare he had been talking with. He was pretty sure this one was a stallion.
“Uhh.” Zephyr uttered. “Maybe I should go...”
“No please stay you're so funny.” Bees offered in a very stuttered soprano as Zephyr ran off.
“Awww , now I'll never get a date to the prom.” Bees sighed twirling the strands of his pink wig around a hoof.
“Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.” Zephyr charmed.
The mulberry colored mare stared at him unmoving.
He wasn't sure he was getting through to this one. She was a rather fit unicorn mare though, couple of scars on her face, but ooh that was a nice flank, probably a Guard and he wasn't one to be put off by a little scaring, not with a body that nice.
The problem was that she hadn't said anything and was simply staring at him, it was getting a little unnerving.
“Huh... well... sorry to bother you then.” Zephyr sighed trotting off leaving the mare to stare after him.
Starlight trotted up to Tempest as the stallion left looking between him and her before sighing.
“You froze up didn't you?”
“He was flirting with me... I have no idea how to take that. I panicked.” Tempest stammered.
“Did better than me. He dropped a pick up line and I freaked out and teleported away.” Starlight sighed.” We are never gonna be able to help Trixie with her love life.”
Zephyr pulled his head out of the trashcan shaking loose the garbage from it before looking back across the street at the shop he had stopped in for a bite to eat.
Maybe it wasn't the best idea to hit on the counter mare when her husband was nearby.
For such a scrawny looking earth pony that yellow stallion had a heck of a throw.
“We’re not socks, but I think we’d make a great pair.” Zephyr flirted with the pretty blue furred mare. He wasn't sure if she was a pegasus or not as she had odd gossamer wings, but she was cute and bubbly and that was enough.
“Oh my gosh, are you flirting with me?” Sonata gasped hopping forward and grabbing Zephyr around the neck and hugging him tight enough to choke him.
“Eeeeeeeeeeee it's been so long since I had a boy friend. I completely forgot how to care for one. Do they like wet food or dry food? I remember I can't keep them in a carrier all the time, and I do remember that when I start eating you I need to begin from the legs and work up so you'll last longer.”
Zephyr's eyes widened as the mares smile became more and more like a sharks with sharp pointy teeth.
“ Uhhhh.” Zephyr whimpered.
“Or was that a chocolate rabbit... OOH I know, I shall pet you, and stroke you, and call you George. But how do I get you to breath underwater... or can boy friends do that naturally. Some one should write a book.” Sonata continued slinging him around by the neck.
There was a pop and a odd mishmash of creatures stuck together in a vaguely recognizable shape appeared.
“Sonata, your mothers making poffins and could use your help.” Discord offered.
“POFFINS!!” Sonata cheered flinging Zephyr into the air and running off to dive into the lake.
“Fly you fool, before she finds the ketchup.” Discord stage whispered to Zephyr before vanishing with a pop.
“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘cute-cumber.'” Zephyr waggled his eyebrows. “Lettuce go out.”
“Oh gods no.” Rainbow Dash shuddered. “Did the restraining order lapse?”
“Hey no need to play coy Dashie.” Zephyr draped a foreleg over the mares back making her wince.” Come on, it'll be like old times.”
“Old times like where I went on a date with you cause I lost a bet, or old times like when Fluttershy convinced me to talk to you. “Rainbow Dash grumbled. “Seriously, you're like the kid that had to be coated with peanut butter so the dog would play with you.”
“Aww don't be like that Dashie.” Zephyr grinned leaning closer to her. “ Think of the fun weAKKK!”
The sound of a hoof hitting a muzzle echoed off the buildings as Zephyr staggered back away from Rainbow Dash and the well dressed white unicorn stallion now standing between her and the fallen Zephyr.
Prince Blueblood looked down at his hoof where he had belted the pegasus before looking back up as Zephyr rose to his hooves.
“You scuffed my hoof plebeian. Apologize to it.” Prince offered holding out his hoof expectantly.
“Gah that's assault, I can have you arrested and sued!!”Zephyr winced rubbing his nose.
“Assault? When you clearly got in the way of where my hoof was moving? Do you not know who I am commoner?” Prince glanced to Rainbow Dash behind him who was staring in confusion and amusement. “He doesn't know who I am.” Prince turns back to stare down at Zephyr. ”You must not know who I am. How droll.”
Prince puffs himself up glaring at the pegasus. “I am Prince William Blueblood, head of the Canterlot Bluebloods , a direct descendant of Princess Platinum and Princess Luna Noctus, Goddess of the Moon. Head Ambassador to the throne. 9th in line to the throne of the Crystal empire. Third richest pony on the planet, and 6th in line to the Equestrian throne. I could bury you in a shallow grave in the woods and if caught only receive a hoof slap and a small fine. Your threats bore me.”
“Please don't. Paperwork for shallow graves in the woods is a nightmare.” Comet Trail offered trotting up to the group. “Prince Blueblood would you please move along.”
The Ponyville Guard glared at Prince who huffed and trotted back with Rainbow Dash following along.
“My apologies for going full noble there. I know you are not the sort that wants or needs a knight in shining armor sort to rescue you.” Prince offered to Rainbow Dash as they walked off.
“Nah it's cool. Don't make it a habit though.” Rainbow Dash grinned not hiding the blush from Prince's actions very well.
Comet Trail watched them walk off before looking back at the stunned Zephyr. “Look bud. I've been getting complaints about you all day hitting on anything with a pulse... and at least two life like statues. I'm trying to have lunch with my wife, so if you go home now I'll call it finished and consider you warned. I'm still supposed to be on light duty for a bit longer....”
“Wow, did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?”Zephyr offered to a pretty blonde pegasus mare with gray fur nearby.
Ditzy blinked though before she could respond Zephyr was tackled by Comet Trail and had cuffs slapped on him.
“Gah what did I do!” Zephyr cried out.
“Harassment, loitering, damaging a nobles hoof, and anything else I can think of to throw at you. “The Guard growled as Ditzy giggled.
[Outside Golden Oaks Library]
Rahs stares into the middle distance, half the tree and much of the area around him covered with sticky jam from what had been a Trixie bomb.
He blinked, slowly reaching up to wipe off his face before sniffing the mess in his hand with a growl.
“Raspberry. Only one mare would DARE to give me the raspberry.”
Rahs growled as a glob of jam fell from his tail with a splat.
“Celestia......”