- Member Since 19th Dec, 2014
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Crensler
Blood for the Blood God and pony stories for everyone!
Crensler
Joined 19th Dec, 2014 ·
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Crensler · 105k words · 1,522 38 · 14k views
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I like it will he get bored of insanity in 1,000 years?
7384981 He'll have his ups and downs, but sharing more than that would enter spoiler territory. Still, I'm glad to hear you like it
I really enjoy it this had great potential this is the first story I found where the displaced has to live the time in the moon.
not bad
Your paragraphs could be broken up a bit more, I found myself skimming some of them. It's too early to comment on the story. But with stories like these imo the bread and butter of the story should be conflict between the main character and the princesses/mane 6, try not to resolve it too quickly. It's tagged dark and drama so I think I'll like where this goes.
7385476 Thanks for the feedback. I'll try to split up the paragraphs some more so it's easier on the eyes.
Very interesting and unique concept. You have my attention.
Very good, unique story. Have a like. It is worth reading. Tracking.
7386252 Thanks for the support
awesome story more chapters hurry please
This is amazing and I want more.
I like it, bring me more!
the concept art is totally badass it would make a perfect male nightmare moon in my opinion
This is interesting and have potential. I expect their will be time skips? Otherwise this may be a really long and repetitive story. :P "Sorry, I went insane again and then became sane. I saw some rocks...I wrote poetry using my horn in the rocks. I still hate that singing voice." Also, do you plan on showing what happens when he finally "arrives" in Equestria or will you stop before then or handle it in a sequel?
this is awesome
He will adapt eventually. If a man found himself in a jungle he is going to be scared and lost, but let time pass and he will get use of it, and then he will try to improve his life or home with whatever he found in the jungle.
This are phases of the "one man in a island":
1 panic and sens of lost
2 depressions
3 acceptance
4 improvisation
5 improvement
I guess our guy is experiencing the first two phases. He will probably discover magic one way or another and since there isn't much to do on the surface of the moon, meditation is good for ease the chaos in his head. Lest not forget that he is also in control of the body.
7385797
While you're at it indent the beginning of paragraphs as well. Cautiously favorited and I'll look into your other story as well.
7388580 It's not necessary to indent a paragraph if the paragraphs themselves are spaced apart. It's fine as-is.
Good so far!.. Tracking.
Yes freaking love the twist and the whole, "Human becomes equestrian villain" specially nightmare moon a character that lacks some proper backstory.
7388073 Yeah, definitely planning on utilizing timeskips, otherwise this story would never get done. As for the events following the escape? We'll see
7388046 All credit goes to the original artist icedroplet on derpibooru
hmm i wonder if the fact he is currently male is from just wanting to be male, in the episode luna eclipsed can change her appearance but that was likely a illusion...
OH GOD
what if he isntstill a guy but only appears as one because he identify's with it so much illusion magic kicked in
Tracking
You had my attention, but now you have my fav.
how are you willing to approach this story? I assume the mature filter without sex tag means you will be processing the story with a relaxed moral perspective and with a degree of violence. It would be interesting to see a realistic, not morally limited character without going over board with violence. But pls dont turn this into a torture fest like so many others and I hope that your character have some sort of backbone and manages to have a proper sense of preservation and dignity.
Man I was waiting for a story like this to crop up. I have so many ideas but much too little skill to do anything with them. Have a favorite, this is very good.
7389261 Trust me, no intention of turning this into a torture fest where all that happens to the character is bad, nasty stuff, like God just said "fuck you" to them in particular for some unknown reason. There will be violence but mostly the mature tag is there because it has to be, because of the mature themes of the story, namely insanity and so on.
David will develop as a character, stand his ground when he has to and so on, but he's also going to be dealing with some seriously heavy shit. I hope I've answered your question in a satisfactory manner, but feel free to ask me any other questions you may have as long as they don't delve into spoiler territory.
7389448
Insanity, commence.
7388681
While not necessary, indeinting does make it easier to read and is called for by thee major style guides.
7389640 It's not an absolute rule. For those who don't separate their paragraphs, indenting said paragraphs tells the reader where the next one begins. Go have a look at Diaries of a Madman.
Choosing not to separate paragraphs in this case is more of a stylistic choice..
How exactly does one know their sanity has cracked? Do insane people even know they're insane?
This kinda broke the flow for me. It would have been better if it wasn't pointed out.
7390187 I'm trying to go for a style of him retelling the story of his time on the moon to someone else, which is why I had that in there. I am clearly not succeeding if this happened, however, so I do apologize for that and I'll try to do better in the future
Is there going to be a chance he will finally escape from the moon?
7390339 Could be
I love how this statement is meta, and speaks directly to the reader. I read that you're writing this in a literal story telling fashion, and that's going to make this concept even more interesting.
7389852
DoaM is a poor example for your argument. It has much simpler sentence structure and the author has a better understanding of how to make things flow. If this story had indented first lines it would only improve readability, with no downsides. Taking a random sample of DoaM and a random sample of similar length from this story and processing them through readability-score.com DoaM gets an average (reading) grade level of 5.5 and TKH 9.6. TKH had twice the words per sentence, despite the syllables per word being the same and the characters per word being comparable.
The goal of my initial comment was improve readability (granted in a pretty minor way) without discouraging the author from his attempts at a higher (and imo potentially better) writing style. Unless he's one of those authors that posts one or two chapters, gets an overwhelmingly positive response and then doesn't write anything ever again.
well this gets a favorite from me
7390387 And I do appreciate constructive advice, so thank you for that. I would appreciate it if the two of you would refrain from arguing, however.
7389852 Thank you for the support, but if he's just trying to help me improve my writing I do not mind the criticism.
Did you need to do that? Honestly I just feel that louses some opertunitys
like if he was against that, the situation would be even worse
or if he liked it, it would be a small light in a sea of darkness
and if he was indifferent, you'd have the same story but I wouldn't be comenting
7390346 Tease.
7390820 I try
Oh stop it you. And that's not all we've been blessed with if you catch my drift. I'm talking about basketball skills
Like and fav!
These usually are not my type of story, but you have captured my interest. I'll await the next one eagerly.
Starting out reading this I was thinking quite a few things; the most prevalent being: Is he showing or telling? Reading your comments I figured out that this is a retelling of his experience; however, I would like there to be a shift somewhere along the line from "telling his story to another" to "This is my story and my thoughts as it happens." Or nah, cause it's your story, but I do feel like at some point there's going have to be a shift if this is going to remain interesting.
Or nah.
I'm just curious what purpose making David-as-Nightmare-Moon male serves. However, given the feminine nature of the other voices (which currently seem fairly obvious as the Nightmare and Luna), I suspect this may be a new thing for Nightmare Moon, and I'm going to wait it out.
Currently, I don't have anything else to add that hasn't already been said.
yay! I love the cringe
I admit I like this idea and this does look interesting, but to be honest I'm not entirely sure how long you can keep this up. Don't get me wrong the will be entertaining for a while, but to be honest I would absolutely love to when the new version of nightmare moon comes down to equus and everyone is super confused when it turns out him being a stallion.
Wait would that make Celestia break, confused, or just laugh?
Oh, c'mon it's not that bad, you only need to. Calculate the gravity of Planet in front of you using the shadow it casts when you eventually are eclipsed by it, then you can extrapolate that data into determining the size of the moon you are on, this time by the size of the shadow it casts on the planet when it eclipses.
Using that data you can estimate the gravitational force of both celestial bodies, and thus the gravitational pull between them.
That can then be used to calculate the force needed to first enter lunar orbit, then leave its SOI and enter the planet's SOI. Then it's just a simple matter of slowing down just enough to reach the planet's atmo, which would start an airbrake maneuver and get you home in time for dinner:
I mean, it's not rocket science. Well, it kind of is but that's not the point. Also, you've got a bit of a head start seeing as you can walk in under a day the basic half circumference so therefore it's a very small, dense moon considering the great gravity.
7391949 Bwuh?
Make the planet flat!!! It'l break his sanity even more!!!