Chapter 14: A Trip to the Candy Store
Mom. Mom, Mom, Mom. Yes, again, you will be fine, you have my word. They’re just going to pick you up and fly you over here before the announcement tomorrow. You’ll see me before or after that, I don’t know yet
A sigh escapes my lips and my head falls back. Sadly, the desk chair doesn’t extend high enough to catch it.
This is like the third time I’ve spelled it out for you, come on. Guess I can’t really blame her but come on!
A ding from my phone draws my head back up.
Mom: OK sweetie, but when you type it like that it makes me feel dumb. You shouldn’t get upset from just me asking questions…it hurts.
An even louder sigh falls out of my mouth again.
I’ve just been-
I delete it.
How am I this stupid?
Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry. This has just been really stressful and I only got some reprieve from it all yesterday. Long story short, I’m going to have some heavy stuff to discuss with you guys when you get here. But that’s for later. For now, just worry about being ready for the Crown to pick you up
Another ding from my phone just makes me smile, shake my head, and roll my eyes when I read the text.
Twin Blood Relative: What time is it again?
Just scroll up! It’s not that hard! I know for a fact you’re not that dumb! You’re literally insane.
My exacerbated sigh evolves into a short chuckle.
The Crown is sending magical constructs to pick you guys up at 8 A.M. so please for the love of all that is holy be ready. That includes you, Ms. I’m-Coming!
I let out a laugh and smile at what appears on the group chat next.
Dad: That’s something that she’ll never stop saying
Older Blood Relative: House is burning down, she’s like still in the shower like “I’m coming!”
Mom: We’ll write it on her gravestone
My smile falters for half a second.
Don’t worry, I’ll make sure of that.
But I start chuckling again while typing out my message.
Her future husband be like “Honey, come down! The kids are crying!” “I’m coming!”
Twin Blood Relative: Help, im being bullied😭😭
Mom: Oh, it’s okay sweetie, we love you
Twin Blood Relative: You guys suck, I always get made fun of
I just roll my eyes.
Because we’re family, therefore I can make fun of you, no one else can. If they do imma punt them to the moon. Also, shut up! You make fun of me all the time!
Twin Blood Relative: :P
;)
And I’m leaving it there.
With a smile, I set my phone down on the desk and lazily throw my laptop open.
Alright, I got time before the karaoke, what should I waste my time doing now? Try to play a new piece?
I move my mouse over to a green, red, and yellow circle icon with a blue center at the bottom of my taskbar, but don’t click on it.
I don’t really want to put that kind of effort in right now, I’m drained.
My eyes drift over my desktop until they land on a pixelated grass and dirt cube.
Eh, lemme shoot Joystick Fiddle a text and see if he’s up for some gaming. That word has been ruined for me.
I smirk.
Hey, how’s it going? You up for some mining and crafting, brother?
After about ten seconds of staring at the screen, I put my phone back down on the desk as I lean back in the desk chair again. I tentatively move the mouse around the screen a few times and fidget for a moment before continuing again.
Well, I guess I can at least get it open if he does say yes.
I move the mouse over and double click on the block icon and-DING!
Oh, well, there we go.
Hey, it’s not going so good. I’m currently writing a short speech for my Grandpa’s funeral. You got any tips?
I feel hot spikes pierce into my skin from every angle, causing a few minuscule beads of sweat to appear in my mane.
Woah, what? Why didn’t he tell me? Sure he’s telling me now, but that’s just when I prompted him. Well, doesn’t matter now.
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Are you feeling okay? When’s the funeral? Yeah, I got some tips for you, just gimme a bit to type ‘em out.
While I start to type out my message, his response comes in with a whoosh.
Take your time. No, I’m not okay, I feel like bursting into tears every moment of every day. It’s hard to think straight, I don’t know what to fucking do.
I quickly highlight and copy my message before deleting it and typing out a new one.
That’s okay, I’m here to help.
After sending it, I tap paste and start adding to my increasingly long message. But another whoosh draws my attention.
Like, how do I even prepare my speech while feeling like shit, let alone keep myself composed during it?
With a sigh, I once again copy and delete my message before typing a new one.
Ha, that’s the crazy thing; you don’t.
That’s the thing, most creatures don’t, and that’s okay. When my Mom and her sisters had to speak during my Grammie’s funeral, most of them were crying during it and had to take a moment, and that’s okay. Just you being up there is likely going to be enough to let everyone there know you care.
With a sigh, I go back to typing out my long message.
The funeral is tomorrow but I don’t know how I’m supposed to make it to then. I’m sorry for dumping this on you.
Of course, I can’t fucking make it!
Another sigh escapes me and I, for the third time, copy and delete my long message.
Now, what else can I say? How can he make it to tomorrow…continue on their legacy; just repeat what Cadance said? Nah, I don’t think he’s there yet. He’s still reeling.
Nu-uh, don’t give me that. Don’t EVER be sorry for something like that. I’m always happy to help and I’ve told you multiple times you can come to me for anything, and I’m glad you decided to tell me when I asked.
A small smile sneaks its way onto my face when I see his response come through not a moment later.
Thanks, I really appreciate it. Anyway, imma try to go to sleep now, I’m exhausted. Have a good night.
No worries, bro. I’ll get the rest of my message typed out and then you can read it in the morning. Have a good night. Message me again if you need someone to talk to. I won’t be able to make the funeral tomorrow, I’m really sorry, I wish I could but extenuating circumstances that I can’t specify right now are preventing me from doing so. But still, good luck tomorrow, I’ll be thinking of you.
Well, as much as I can be.
With a slight shake of my head, I paste my message not back into my thread with Joystick, but in a private thread with my Mom. But before I can type anything else, a soul-wrenching screech radiates out from my phone, bringing a scowl to my face and a wing to my phone screen to silence it.
Alright, well, time to get going.
I close my laptop and walk over to my nightstand while staring down at my phone cradled in my wing while the other one slowly types out one letter at a time on the keyboard. Periodically, I throw my gaze up while walking.
Hey, Joystick just messaged me to say that his Grandpa passed away and he needs help writing something for his funeral speech. I know you have more experience than I do so would you mind looking over what I wrote to him? I wanna make sure I’m not saying anything stupid…
When I get to the side of the bed, I stop typing for a moment to close my eyes and concentrate. In my mind’s eye, a small blue tendril makes its way out of my horn and encompasses the faux leather satchel, and levitates it over my neck. Once the opening is above my head, I let the magic fade and the satchel drops over my head. After a few slight adjustments, I let my gaze fall back down to my phone and press send.
With a sigh, I walk out the door and down the hall to another unused meeting room.
I’m a pretty big hypocrite, aren’t I?
But would that just make me prideful for not accepting my own advice I just gave him until I literally fell into Cadance’s embrace yesterday?
No, that’s like the one thing I can’t be. I demean myself all the time, I ain’t prideful, no. Although, I guess it’s really easy to just say tha-no: think, it’s easy to think that.
Guess I should just keep an eye on it, though. It’s not like I want to be a prideful jerk about it. Then I need to take my own advice, come on!
“Mezzo, would you like to do a song with me?” A soft voice tears me from the torrent in my head, pulling my gaze up from the floor to be met with the sight of Luna standing in front of the drop-down screen, staring back at me with two microphones suspended in her magic.
For a moment, a thick brick wall implants itself at the back of my throat, constricting the words that try to force themselves out of my mouth. But I take a deep breath and let the words tumble out of my mouth on a soft breeze.
“Uh-n-uh-no thanks, I’m good,” I stumble out with a small smile.
“You sure?”
“Come on, you’ve just been sitting there this entire time!” Cadance exclaims from the big office chair next to me.
“Sorry, I’m just…thinking,” I reply with a sigh.
“Do we need to have the same conversation we had yesterday?”
I can’t help but smile and let a small breath out of my nose. “No, I’m not that stupid. It’s not like it’s affecting me directly in any way.”
Yeah, no, I’ll go to her again if I get too hung up on it. I just hope I said the right things.
“Mezzo…” she says, drawing my name out.
No, she’s right.
I sigh.
Take my own advice. Take Cadance’s advice.
“I just…my, uh, friend texted me earlier to say that his Grandfather died and that he’s writing his speech for it and wanted tips. I just hope I said the right things.”
Damn, is it hot in here, or is it just me?
I shake my head slightly.
I can’t even be funny in my own head.
“What did you say to him?” she asks, leaning a bit closer to me and lowering her voice. It’s at this point that I hear the shifting of one of the office chairs and a big ball of white in my peripherals.
“I, uh…”
Singing? Uh…nope. Texting mom? Nope, that was after. Something about…well not taking my own advice is just one part of it. But then I actually told him that it’s okay to cry, speak from the heart if you have to, work in a joke or two to lighten the mood…other things…
“I’ll, uh, tell you later,” I start a heartbeat later. “I just need to gather my thoughts first. Let’s just get back to singing n’ shit.”
She seems to stop for a moment to peer deep into my soul, making me shrink back in my chair just a smidge. In barely enough time for me to blink, she smiles and nods.
“Also, language.” She says and smirks down at me to which I smile and shake my head.
“I will be punching you later, as well,” I reply, punctuating the end with a smirk.
Cadance just rolls her eyes and leans back.
A beautiful harmony then draws my attention, causing my eyes to flick up for a few moments to see Celestia and Luna with their eyes closed and heads towards the ceiling, holding a particularly high note in the song. With a smile I let my gaze fall back down to the floor.
I need to actually participate, wouldn’t want Cadance’s invite to go to waste after all and look like a di-jerk. Jerk. And I’d rather they not spend the entire time worrying about me.
I roll my eyes.
Heh, revelation of the century right there, buddy. It’s nothing new.
When I look up again, Celestia passes her microphone to Luna and trots back to her chair next to Twilight with a smile on her face. Then Luna swings one of the microphones back and forth in front of her.
“Any takers? I’m done for the night,” she asks, causing my eyes to widen slightly at the barest hint of a rasp in her voice.
Well, here’s an opportunity.
But when I go to open my mouth, another wall in the back of my throat forces me to cut myself off. After my teeth clench for a moment, I pry them back apart with a small breath.
“I-”
“I’ll go!” Cadance says, hopping up from her chair and waltzing over to Luna with a small grin on her face.
Oh, well, never mind, then. Guess I’m just an idiot.
After shaking my head a little, my horn engulfs itself with a blue glow and I see the tendrils in my mind’s eye snake out to the back table where our stash of water bottles is. I open my eyes and crane my neck behind me to see one of the bottles engulfed in the same blue glow and slowly levitating towards where Luna is now sitting.
I take a moment to glance at Cadance who’s busy scrolling through the song options. A heartbeat later, when I look back at Luna, the bottle is just about to come into her view. When she finally spots it, she eyes it for half a second before looking over at me. I flick my chin up towards the bottle.
“What?” she asks.
“Yo-” I clear my throat.
Irony.
“Your voice sounded raspy,” I say with a grin and some barely hidden mirth to which Luna smiles and shakes her head.
“Thank you, but I’m good.”
“Oh, well, whoops,” I say and toss the bottle back on the table with a smirk before returning my attention to the screen.
Wait…no way she knows what that song is. Actually, maybe she doesn’t even know it’s dumb weeb shit. I know I sure didn’t when I came across it when surfing NetMeTube, so…
“Oh, look, a duet,” she calls out while facing the screen with a tidal wave of sarcasm backing up her words to which I smile and start chuckling at. “And everypony else is done for the night. I guess I’ll just have to do this on my own.” She then turns around and ends her mockery with a smirk levied directly at me.
Well, there’s a better opportunity.
With a sigh and a smile, I hop off my chair and stumble over to her.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”
“Finally gonna join us?” She asks with a raised eyebrow as she levitates the other microphone to me.
I try to reach out with the blue tendrils again, but a small pressure in my head immediately stops me. Instead, I reach a wing out for her to drop it into.
“Uh, yeah, sorry. I’m here now. You know this song?” I ask, looking up at her.
“Yep! I’m a big fan of the NetMeTuber who originally dubbed it. Do you know it?”
“Yep, just c-came across it one day in my r-r-recommended and I’ve been vibin’ ever since.” I punctuate the end of the sentence with a small exhale from my nose.
She nods before saying, “Alright, you said you didn’t know how to sing?”
“N-not what I said but exactly what I implied, so yes.”
“Okay. First, stand up straight, stop slouching.”
Yes, you can teach me. Thank you for asking.
I raise my neck slightly, straighten my back, and take a deep breath in.
“Second, always try to go into a line with a good breath of air. You don’t need to stuff your lungs, but you should be able to get through without running out of breath..”
I can’t help but smirk at the mental image.
“It’s kind of hard to get the timing of when you should do it, but…” she trails off.
“I-is it like the feeling of musical phrases?” I ask.
Cadance tilts her head before responding. “Ehhhh, probably, if what my teacher said is true. Just try and watch when I take a breath while I’m singing.”
I nod.
“Finally, when you’re actually singing, try and sing from your diaphragm. You’ll get a fuller sound like that and have more air control.”
“Fuller?” I ask, tilting my head.
“When you sing at a higher pitch, the sounds are more distinct, smoother, and more direct in nature, like a violin tuned to perfection being played inside your throat.”
Like when I sing high, I can feel it in my head. Almost. Right?
“Mhmm…”
“When you sing lower in your range, your vocal cords pinch, and every sound you make gets a far richer tone; almost like your voice is rubbing against itself. That friction comes from the chest though; whenever you sing like that, your vocal cords kinda like strain against each other as the diaphragm forces more air through. Like a viola in an orchestra, when done correctly, your voice becomes much more than what is originally played or sung.”
Like in symphony class back in school, I remember the strings sounding like that…the lower the note, the more it’d pound and thrum in my chest. Even with my timpanis, it’d do that. It’s just the bass notes.
The bass notes!
I nod.
“Comfortably using a combination of both of those is what I mean.”
“Alright, that makes sense,” I say before trying exactly what she said again. I end up having to manually contract my diaphragm but it works.
Oh, wow, that feels incredibly weird.
“Ready?”
“Yep, go ahead.”
With an almost silent ping, the screen fades to black and big white block letters fade into view. My smile widens when short staccato notes start echoing out from the screen. It evolves into a grin when the background crescendos into an upbeat cadence and I barely take note of my hoof tapping to the beat.
“Umbrella at your side, it’s raining but you close it tight,” she sings out into the microphone with a smile on her face, bobbing her head back and forth all the while.
I take a breath.
“And how are yo-” I only have a split second to mourn when I feel a tickle in the back of my throat, forcing me to cough into my elbow.
“Well, that sucks,” I mutter, my voice being drowned out by the music while I turn around to envelop the bottle beneath my chair in my magic. When I notice Cadance miss her next line a moment later, I turn back to her.
“Keep going, one second,” I say with a grin. With a smile and nod, she picks back up where she left off.
With some extra concentration, I get the cap screwed off by the time the bottle reaches me with only a small bead of sweat on my brow to show for it.
Alright, still too weak to do much, but it’s getting there. Let’s just not try to multi-task like that again for a while.
After taking a swig and tossing the bottle onto my chair, I turn back to see Cadance still smiling, singing, and expertly hitting all the notes; even the high notes in the middle of each line and the descending progression after.
I smirk when I catch her closing her eyes and raising her chin to the ceiling slightly at one particular high note.
Alright, here comes the duet part!
Once she sings her short line, she quickly looks over to me with a smile as I draw in a breath, albeit a bit slower this time.
When the words leave my mouth, they feel as if they’re being guided by a graceful breeze out into the open air, and I can’t help but smirk at how much the diaphragm trick helps.
That’ll be one to remember.
When it’s her turn, she’s still looking at me, smiling, causing me to reciprocate. But as she sings her short part, I notice her lean down a little on her front legs.
What?
I reciprocate and sing my part with an ease that has eluded me for the majority of my life and I can’t help but widen my smirk a little more.
She then leans down, even more, when it’s her turn again, but this time she also narrows her eyes at me, still smiling.
Ohhhhhh, okay. I get it.
I reciprocate again, letting the flow of air guide the words out of my mouth, and tense my leg muscles.
“Move at the top speed of sound!” We sing out together before pushing back up and catching a millisecond of air. We’re both still smiling at each other.
I can’t help but let my jaw go slightly slack at the force of air behind all of her singing to the point where I nearly forget to sing my supporting part behind her chorus.
It may just be the equivalent of musical filler but it’s important, dammit! And there’s another curse, great.
But my own thoughts are drowned out by the thrumming of the beat inside my skull. For a single fleeting moment, the rest of the world falls away and my expression morphs into a smirk when I see Cadance bobbing her chin up and down to the beat and staring back at the screen. I almost start laughing at it, in fact, but her gaze turning towards me cuts that off.
Oh right, we’re about to do the thing.
“We’re always singing the same tune!” The buttery sound of our harmony washes over my ears and I find myself smiling ear to ear at Cadance and her doing the same back to me.
“Alright, just remember,” she starts, speaking quickly. “Sing from your diaphragm, try not to run out of breath, and take a breath after each phrase.”
I nod and turn my attention back to the screen.
“And stop slouching!”
I fail to stop a single chuckle from escaping my mouth as I straighten my back again and raise my chin. I take a breath when I hear the same short staccato notes crescendo into the next verse.
“Now falling to her side, the drops of rain that mix with light.”
“Stealing a glance, hid a cat who turns his back.”
Her words are unwavering and she neither rushes nor stumbles over any of the lyrics, allowing the music to flow freely from both of us. I glance down for a moment to see my hoof still tapping away to the beat and I start consciously bobbing my head like Cadance, still with a stupid grin plastered on my face.
I find myself subconsciously taking a breath before going into the second section of the verse as the music dumbs itself down a smidge. Our head bobbing becomes less exaggerated and the melody feels like the waves of a small pond on a breezy day.
My throat momentarily feels like a steep staircase when it’s my turn to go for the high note and I glance over to Cadance as my voice ascends up to meet the note and a sharp wave of heat permeates my body.
A small droplet of relief drops onto my head when I see that she’s still bobbing her head and smiling at me. My shoulders drop a little bit when she gives me a nod.
As I sing my first line of the next duet part, I lean down a little on my front hooves and adopt another grin. And she does the same when it’s her turn to sing her line. And then on my line, and then on hers, further and further down until we sing in unison.
“And then we’ll finally break through!”
After launching ourselves to the heavens again for a brief moment, I can’t help but let out a hearty laugh and clench my eyes shut so hard that my singing is reduced to little more than an out-of-breath stammer rather than an actual attempt at music. Cadance seems to agree, since she’s laughing along as well, creating an excellent chord with the current music.
Alright, let’s not get sloppy here. Diaphragm, breathing, posture. Diaphragm, breathing, posture.
I straighten my back.
While singing out the rest of my chorus, I glance down at my snout for a brief moment before looking at the screen.
Wow, the words are just…coming out. Flowing out without a problem. WITHOUT ISSUE! It’s almost like-
“You’re always gonna be there too,” I hear the words cascade out of my mouth.
Oh crap, we’re here now. Pay attention, idiot!
“Shining down on me you’re my blue moon,” Cadance sings out.
“Dreaming forever to find to now, I’m awake.”
“I need to find tomorrow, can you take me away?”
“And go the top speed of sound!” our voices harmonize.
The rocky hard surface of my lower octave tenor voice provides a launching bed for Cadance’s soprano voice to spring up into infinity.
“Running to another day, I wanna break away and take the leap!”
I find myself unable to tear the full-faced grin I’m wearing off my face or my eyes away from Cadance’s eyes that bore back into mine. The way her mane seems to ripple in the nonexistent wind a bit faster than before matches my rising heart rate and the subsequent hot feelings of blood rushing throughout my body.
My heart soars as my mind’s eyes seem to almost catch the physical representation of the lyrics in its grasp. For a moment, the colors of the room, of her, seem almost blindingly vibrant and I can almost see the heat radiating throughout the place, almost as if my vision is momentarily switching to infrared.
Our lyrics seem to dance around each other in an endlessly beautiful ballet. My vision narrows, my peripherals dim, and Cadance and I maintain our gazes on each other. Now the lyrics seem to bounce around each other like expert trapeze artists. Her phrases and melodies expertly weave in and out of my tenor foundation, making my smile grow even wider.
“You’re always gonna be there too! We’re always singing the same tune! Every day from now on.”
My smirk morphs into barely contained laughter as the music fades into the background, back into the short staccato notes that I know so well. But a sharp, hot feeling of needles washes over my body as the sound of hooves clapping reaches my ears and my head instinctively lowers itself. Before anything else can happen, however, Cadance pulls me into an embrace and I unsuccessfully resist the urge to bury my face into her neck.
“So, was that fun?”
I can only sigh and smile.
“Yeah, you got me. That was fun.”
“Good, then let’s do this again sometime.”
Should I? Who am I kidding, I’m not overthinking it this time. Not overthinking it is what got me here in the first place.
I nod. “Absolutely, Candy.”
Never thought Drop Pop Candy would become a recurring theme in my life. Maybe I should do the “not-overthinking” thing more often?
“What did you just call me?” She asks, pulling me away from her to look down at me.
Oh, wait…no way I said that out loud.
“Uhhhhhhhh…I d-did not m-mean for that to come out, I’m so sorry,” I sputter out, trying to pull away.
“No, no, what did you call me? Candy?” she asks, ruthlessly pulling me back in, prompting a deep sigh to escape my lips.
“Yes, I did. Happy?” I ask, giving her a look.
“Absolutely, Mezzy.”
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The Eagle is in the Nest
The Eagle is in the Nest #2
The Eagle is in the Nest #3
The Eagle is in the Nest #4
Also very cute at the end with the cute nicknames lol
The eagle is in the nest
The Eagle is in the Nest #6/5 because SB broke the number spree
The beagle has left the rest
This chapter reminds me of this clip from when they were making Bioshock Infinite.
Hi, the eagle is in the nest!
11269611
😭😭😭😭😭
So happy so fun I love it
11271222
Can't tell if that's a backhanded compliment or not
The eagle is in the nest? Ok I'm no longer confused by this comment. By the way your long and shot are pretty much the same size but hay it's your story you do you I'll do me and keep reading
11271322
Nope it's interesting and fresh to be honest. I've shelved some other story's to continue this one because of how new it felt. I'd give you a thumbs up but this sights emoji pick doesn't work on my phone so have a dapper spike instead!
....I'm already caught up...damn
11272123
Don’t worry, I’m working on the next one
11272224
With Fim there's always warrant for worry. This account maybe new but I've been here for quite a long time and seen plenty of story's die without a proper end. But I'll solder on and wait as always with baited breath to see what you come up with! Which is better them me, have plenty of story idea's but lack the confidence to actually wright them out
11272361
I feel ya. I also lacked a lot of that confidence but enough reading over the years, one off thoughts of “I could do that”, and some inspiration later and I’m here.
Also, the author in me so desperately wants to point out all the spelling errors in your comment 😭😭😭😭YA CANT DO THAT TO ME BRO, LITERALLY SHAKING AND CRYING
11272381
Another reason I'm not writing. Grammer just doesn't stick with me so I'd end up spending more time fixing things then telling a story.
11272712
That’s what grammarly is for ;)
The Eagle is in the Nest
I think I've found out what has been kind of taking me out of the story. It's the characters, not specifically them or their personality but more of like, how we don't see much interaction with Mezzo. We get to see Celestia as a mentor but nothing more than actually making a viable connection personally or any of them aside from Cadence. We haven't seen them make that forward step to getting their own time with him which you'd think they would since he's now ascended.
It's that disconnect from him and the entire world, I get thats the point to build that interest and play the long game but in doing so we haven't seen him really bounce off with other characters. You built this interesting premise with this world be so modern and having Discord the Lord Of Chaos just together with Twilight The Most studious Princess. These characters while I understand are not particularly important in this story, still hold an immense importance in this world and the setting. I mean you have a literal reality warping God along with a average guy that just became an alicorn. The vast ideas and ridiculous but hilarious events to transpire are crazy and I know you want to focus on the slice of life grounded feel which I very much support.
But in doing so you fail to show the sides that we could want to y'know, take a break from things. Mezzo is messed up in a lot of ways and his only relief seems to be Cadence, in the real world that becomes an unhealthy source. Maybe have Candy talk to her family be like, "Hey Mezzo is going through a lot maybe we should all pitch in to help him see he has support all around?" Have Discord show how he's changed and support the guy in a weird way, show him what he needs to realize what he should already know. You have these neigh all powerful demi gods and you rarely show the actual human side of them. Merely referencing them by name and not much more.
It's this disconnect from the characters and their world that shows this lack of world building or connection that we merely got a glimpse of. I mean what if Mezzo made friends with Discord? Wouldn't that be a odd bizarre relationship that would initially seem off and wrong but could turn out to be oddly wholesome? Show this connection with loss with Discord, Twilight and Mezzo somehow connects to that. Like a major loss to their previous life before ascending. What if Mezzo befriended a guard or maid? Showed his ridiculousness and embarrass himself but in the process shows his kind hearted side. But this creates a divide in the kingdom of him being unfit? Perhaps leaks to the public and creates this distrust? The issue is you solely focus on Cadence way too much and in doing so, create distance between the world and it's people.
11276160
Oh boi, a five paragraph essay
In all seriousness:
I get what you're saying and to an extent that's true within the short term: for the past few chapters it has mostly been Mezzo and Cadance interactions, but that has not been the norm for the entire time. If their interactions have really been what's taking you out of the story, I'm sorry. But know that all the previous interactions he's had with the Princesses and going to have with other characters are going to appear after Chapter 15 which is still in the works.
Those dream talks with Luna he's had? Those are still gonna happen. Spellcasting lessons? Still gonna happen. And I believe Twilight mentioned something about a project she's working on, wonder how that could tie in....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
I'll give it to you that I haven't had many Mezzo and Discord interactions which is mostly because I didn't plan for it when I went out and initially planned chapter 1-15. That and I didn't have many good ideas, but I'm gonna actually address that when I go and plan out the next arc after the next chapter. Hopefully, I'll deliver, you actually had some good ideas in there, if you'll let me use 'em.
Like the part about Discord and Twilight and how they relate to loss? I've had a good idea surrounding that written down to address since I got the idea way back while planning this.
But you also gotta remember that the story isn't over yet, not even close (That and it's only been a little over two weeks since he got to the castle, he doesn't know many of them that well yet, which I guess you could argue is a flaw but I wouldn't agree with that right now, at least, unless someone wants to convince me otherwise). You're going to get more and I can give you my word that I'll be adding your concerns to my ever-expanding notes document.
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Well I'll be watching with a lot of interest and of course, any ideas you take from my essay is fine with me.
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Anything else you feel strongly about?
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It's quite the sin to NOT have syrup on your waffle in the profile picture
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IM LITERALLY SHAKING AND CRYING!
It's not like I have photoshop to fix that, but it's also not like you'd wanna put syrup on a waffle while it's still in the iron, right?
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Wait...you don't?
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Lol nah, it’s just an image of Neil DeGrasse Tyson making a waffle, but they’re face swapped
When are updating again? I miss it!
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Sorry, should be soon! I’m working on it, just having trouble pushing myself to get more words down on the doc
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The Eagle is on the Nest.
You changed your entire world because you changed who you want him to date. You do realize that in your original set up, he didn't have to date more than one person. Its an option, but not a requirement. It just seems like a strange decision to me. Many Authors write stories in gender imbalanced worlds and yet have their characters date exclusively one person. Its not like the wedding police is going to come and kick down Mr and Mrs Cakes door because they stopped at marrying each other. I mean leaving it in wouldn't have even been a complication at all, unless you intended to make some sort of monogamous racism subplot.
I don't know, man, its your world and I'm sure its going to work out fine whichever way you decided to do it. I just think it was an odd choice to retcon the world for such a minor reason. "He is only going to live in an apartment, so I'm not writing any houses in my world."
Ok, enough poking fun.
Monk
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Yeah, I did. I hadn’t used the plot point up until that point at all, and I even forgot about it briefly, and then came to the decision, after a lot of back and forth, that if I’m not using then it shouldn’t be there.
Yes, you’re right it wasn’t necessary to change, it could’ve just stayed in the background. But, it was already so far out of my mind space while writing that shoehorning it back in would seem out of place to me at this point; I hadn’t kept up with the plot point consistently and all the details it’d imply. It was just be easier to change three sentences in chapter 1 and be done with it
A bit late, but the eagle is finally on the nest. An everything is better with Reol
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TRUE! and JubyPhonic