Twilight's life is treading on very thin ice, and the only hope is for her to open her eyes, tonight. After a conversation with the doctor about Twilight's condition, Celestia enters her room and talks to her. After all, it might be their last night together.

My name is James Clark, and I am a Private Military Contractor. No, not Mercenary. Yes, there is a difference, but that's beside the point.

Ok, where was I? Ah yes, I was just entering my office in Downtown Houston one afternoon to hear a job offer. When I got there, I found a beautiful, robe-wearing woman waiting for me. Now, in this day and age, most people would find that strange. I didn't for two reasons.

1) In this line of work, you run into a few crazies. If I had a dollar for every nut-job I turned away, I could buy a small European country.

2) It was Halloween. Hell, I was on my way to a party dressed in a replica suit of Veteran Ranger Armor from Fallout: New Vegas, complete with gas mask and real riot gear I borrowed from a friend on the SWAT team. I was gonna win the costume contest for sure!

I'm getting off topic, aren't I? Anyways, this weirdo offered me a job without going into much detail. No location, no objective, not even a dollar amount The only thing I got out of her was the promise that I would be saving thousands, if not millions of lives.

Every instinct told me to turn the job down, and yet I still accepted it. Maybe the idea of playing hero again had its appeal.

God, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

I've spent the majority of my life tilling the desolate land in which I live. Every day, I wake up to move useless rocks from one location to another. This is an archaic line of work that my family has clung to for generations. It is a dull, grey existence.

Today, I have woken up in a strange room, lying in a bed that isn't mine. I'm surrounded by five mares whom I've never seen in my life. They claim to be my friends, and expect me to bring joy to the hearts of everypony.

Joy? I don't think I've ever experienced this for myself, so how am I supposed to thrust it upon others?

My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, and I'm not sure what to make of this situation.

Princess Celestia writes a report to her teacher on what she has learned about mortality.

On EQD Sept. 7, 2012.
Hungarian translation by Shidotoku
Spanish translation by SPANIARD KIWI

A letter from Celestia interrupts one of Pinkie's parties with disturbing news. Now friendships will be pushed to the limit as Twilight struggles to uncover which of her friends is not who, or even what, she appears to be.

(While not a romance, this does contain a shipped pair)

in Russian

What are the chances your favorite pony was secretly a changeling all along?

Yeah, probably about one in one.

Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's most prized and faithful student, is being sent to Ponyville to learn about the magic of friendship.

And she's not happy about it.

Hear what Celestia has to say back! Check out the spinoff:
Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student by keaton-furman-prower

Still want more? Have a multiverse spinoff by MixMassBasher, my contributing writer for Seasons 5-9.
Letters From Across the Disgruntled Multiverse

Editing by Neko Majin C.

Disclaimer:
The following is a work of parody, and is protected as Fair Use under section 17 U.S. Code § 107 of US Copyright Law. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all affiliated characters are property of Hasbro Inc.

Princess Celestia will at last get a taste of Twilight Sparkle. No, not in that way! The whole Elemental Harmony Squad is involved... no, still not in that way!

Popsicles will be prominently involved... and again, not in a naughty way. The only naughty pony here is Luna.

The star system Omega Centauri was just another oddity on a map to scientists in the not too distant future. However when they found the star was orbiting an earth-sized, earth-like planet instead of a black hole as its motion had suggested, a mission was scrambled to investigate this most unusual of celestial behaviors.

Hamstrung by politics, and nearly crippled before it began, the 'Lone Ranger' mission was reduced to just one crew member and left to his own devices.

These are the logs of Arrow 18 and its lone commander. This information is classified TOP SECRET by the Global Space Agency.

Do NOT tell the princess.