As I approached the very average, thatched-roof house, I double-checked my map to verify that I was at the right place. Twilight had constructed this detailed illustration of Ponyville, including the names of its residents, so that I would have an easier time finding my way around.
I gave a light knock on the door. Within a few moments, the top half swung open. Standing there was a fairly young-looking mare. She had a beige coat, and a dark blue mane with a pink streak. She gave me a blank stare.
"Um, hello," I began. "Is this the uh, residence of Bon Bon and Lyra?"
The sound of my voice seemed to trigger a spark of familiarity in her expression, and she chuckled. "Very funny, Pinkie. Nice new style, by the way, but I think your usual poofy mane suits you better. How can I help you?"
"That's just it," I replied. "I was hoping we could help each other. You see, I've found myself in a predicament.” I paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. “I'm not sure how to put this any other way, but I have no idea who you are."
She gave me an odd look. "Excuse me?"
"Maybe it'd be more appropriate to say that I can't remember who you are. Either way, I was hoping you could tell me about yourself."
I heard an excited shout from within the house. "Ooh! Who's at the door, Bon Bon?"
Bon Bon replied, "It's Pinkie Pie... I think."
Not even three seconds passed before a unicorn mare appeared beside Bon Bon. This one possessed an aquamarine coat, and a mint-colored mane with a white streak. The seemingly hyperactive mare hopped in place with a huge smile plastered across her face.
“Hey, Pinkie!” she practically shouted at me.
"Hello. Lyra, I presume?"
Lyra stopped her bouncing and gave me a puzzled look. "Of course I'm Lyra.”
"Did you hit your head or something? What gives?" asked Bon Bon.
"Well, to be honest, it's a rather long story," I said.
“I’m not in a rush,” Lyra responded.
“Neither am I. Let's hear it,” Bon Bon agreed.
I started with my awakening in the hospital, and basically went in chronological order from there. I explained EMRS to the best of my ability, and my meeting with Princess Celestia. I'd begun my path to recovery, hoping that by some miracle, my memories would return. The entire time, Lyra and Bon Bon were giving me odd looks which I couldn’t read.
When I finished, there was no response.
“Aren’t one of you going to say something?” I asked.
Lyra sat there, silently, with a frozen expression. Her mouth was agape and her eyes wide. She looked like she had just witnessed something horrifying.
Bon Bon glared at me. “That isn’t funny, Pinkie.”
“W-What made you think I was trying to be funny?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said with sarcasm. “How about your daily shenanigans alone? The pranks, jokes, and generally crazy behavior? Don’t get me wrong, I usually get a good laugh out of it, but this... this is kind of distasteful, really.”
“This isn’t a joke!” I shouted in frustration. “I’m completely serious!”
“Sure, Pinkie. Look, why don’t you go unstraighten your hair and tend to Sugarcube Corner like you’re supposed to? I don’t think the Cakes would appreciate it if you shirked your duties while they’re gone.”
“Sugarcube Corner is closed until they return, whenever that is... I don’t know how to run a bakery by myself,” I said.
Bon Bon sighed. “I need to be going, Pinkie. I hope you realize soon enough that this isn’t one of your better ideas of a prank.”
She backed into the house, dragging Lyra with her. I opened my mouth to argue further, but the door slammed in my face before I could protest.
I looked down to the welcome mat beneath my hooves and sighed. This was the fourth house I’d visited today. At first, it seemed like they would take me seriously, but I was mistaken. This attempt had ended no differently than the previous three.
I understood that I was supposed to be a fun-loving, party-throwing, overly hyperactive mare, but to not be taken seriously by anypony I talk to? It seemed like an odd lifestyle, to be perfectly honest.
I pivoted in place, and trudged off towards my next destination in defeat.
----------
Rainbow Dash watched Pinkie Pie from a nearby cloud. One by one, she had seen her friend’s failed attempts to explain things to the citizens of Ponyville. Each one had ended similarly.
I wish there was something I could do to help, Rainbow thought to herself. This isn’t right. They should know Pinkie wouldn't take a joke that far. It's obvious she's not messing around. I think the other four would agree with me, too.
She looked back down at Pinkie, who was moping away from Lyra and Bon Bon’s house.
I’m not going to sit here and watch this play out. There has to be something I can do, but what?
Rainbow put a hoof to her chin in contemplation. Suddenly, an idea came to her. She shot off like a cannonball in the direction of the library, causing the cloud behind her to dissipate.
----------
I watched as the sun grew darker and richer in color. I always loved the sunset, mainly because it meant we were done working for the day.
That's what today felt like. Work. The same kind of needless, energy-wasting work I toiled through my entire life. I didn't accomplish a single thing I had intended. I had attempted to reintroduce myself to every last pony in this town, and not a single one of them took me seriously. Literally every pony in Ponyville thought I was joking. It made me sick just thinking about it.
"What's with the big frowny-wownie?"
I immediately sat up and looked around the room in suspicion. "Who's there?" I called out.
"It's just me, silly!"
I looked for the source of the strange voice, until my eyes wandered past the alligator. Then, my gaze shot back towards it.
"Gummy?" I asked.
"Umm, yeah! You guessed it! Ding ding ding! Hehehe, I love guessing games! Let's play again!"
"I don't understand," I said. "How in the world are you talking? Your mouth isn't even moving."
"Umm... it's a secret! Yup! It's for me to know, and you to maybe find out!"
"I really am going crazy," I mumbled, rubbing my head.
"No you're not! I promise, you're not going cuckoo, you're just in a bit of a jam, like blueberry, or grape!"
"Is this supposed 'jam' of mine the fact that nopony in this town takes me seriously, or the fact that I'm having a conversation with a reptile? Currently, I'd say it's the latter."
"I'm not your jam, silly! In fact, I'm here to help you!"
"Help me?" I asked with growing curiosity.
"Yuppity yup yup! Not now, though. You have something else to do, first! See you when you get back!"
"Wait, what?" I asked.
There was no response. Gummy continued to stare at me with those enormous purple eyes, but other than that, nothing else was said.
I would've continued to dwell on the matter, but there was a knock on the door. I walked over to answer it, and to my relief, Rainbow Dash was standing at the doorway.
For some reason, I liked Rainbow Dash. We hadn't had much of an opportunity to converse, but as far as I could tell, she was one I would definitely get along with in the near future.
"Hey, Pinkie Pie. What's up?" she asked.
"Oh, you know, the usual. Sitting in my room, not doing much."
Rainbow chuckled upon hearing this. "No offense, Pinkie, but that's nowhere near 'the usual' for you."
"I suppose you're right," I said with a grin, trying to infuse a bit of lightheartedness into the room.
"Anyway, there’s this town meeting going on soon. Wanna come along?"
"What exactly would that entail?"
"Not a whole lot. Just hanging out and stuff.” She awkwardly rubbed the back of her head, as if she was unsure of herself.
The way she said it seemed awfully suspicious. From what I had gathered from Rainbow Dash so far, she didn’t seem like the kind of pony that made it one of her priorities to participate in the community. Then again, I could have been wrong. Who was I to judge her based on her mannerisms alone?
“Alright, I’ll come,” I said.
“Great!” she replied with enthusiasm. “I’ll walk with you to Town Square!”
----------
I stood at the rear of a vast crowd. Everypony in town seemed to be gathered here, and I was able to identify all of them thanks to my exertions from earlier today. What a waste of time and effort that was.
The stage, save for a large podium, was empty. There was chatter amongst everypony, and I got the feeling that they were as confused as I was.
“What’s the purpose of this?” I asked Rainbow Dash, who was standing next to me.
“You’ll see,” she replied.
Just then, everypony went quiet as Twilight walked up on stage and approached the podium. She had a thick stack of index cards with her, and it appeared that she intended to read off of them.
She straightened the stack, and began to speak. “Welcome, everypony. I’ve called you all here today for a matter of great importance.”
Twilight took a moment to transfer the front card to the back of the stack.
“Somepony we all know and love has been struck by grim circumstances.”
A wave of unrest swept through the assembly. Everyone exchanged gestures of confusion. I didn’t like where this was going.
“Settle down, everypony!” Twilight asserted, which caused them to go quiet almost immediately.
“Now, raise your hooves if you received a visit from Pinkie Pie today,” she requested.
After a second to process the question, every single pony present raised their hoof, excluding Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and myself. This caused another wave of shock and confusion among the citizens.
Twilight’s expression and tone did not change. “Now, keep your hoof raised if you took her seriously when she attempted to explain something to you.”
Not a single hoof lowered, which I was appalled by.
I looked to where Rainbow Dash had been standing previously, but she was no longer there. Instead, she was midair, already halfway to the podium.
Rainbow landed beside Twilight with an abrupt thud, which was enough to startle everypony. She had a look of scorn, and she stared at the entire crowd with contempt.
“Don’t you dare lie about this. I know for a fact that you, you, you, you, and you looked at Pinkie like she was crazy when she tried to explain things to you,” she said accusingly, pointing at several ponies in the crowd.
I couldn’t tell who all she had addressed, but I think I was able to identify Lyra among them, due to her mane color sticking out. Additionally, her hoof lowered shortly afterwards, which confirmed my suspicions.
“Also,” started Rainbow, this time with her eyes scanning across the entire town, “I’m willing to bet a hundred bits that the rest of you reacted the same way. Am I right?”
At that, the remainder of the raised hooves slowly lowered in silent shame.
“That’s what I thought,” snorted Rainbow, and she returned to her spot next to me. I looked at her, unsure what to say.
“I’m surprised at all of you,” said Twilight, glaring at the congregation. “As much as you all love and adore Pinkie Pie, you would just as quickly ignore her when she needs you? Have you forgotten everything she has done for us, or the countless times she has gone out of her way to lift our spirits? What do you have to say for yourselves?”
There was utter silence for a moment before a pony shouted from the crowd. “Maybe we would have paid attention to her if the story was believable.”
“Yeah!” agreed another pony. “How are we supposed to know she’s not just pulling our leg? It wouldn’t be the first time, after all. What proof do you have that she has this ‘EMRS’ thing?”
Twilight sat there for a moment, without a word. Then, an idea appeared to spark in her head as her eyes quickly widened and a short smile spread across her face.
“Pinkie, are you out there?” she called out.
I didn’t want to answer. I didn’t want everypony staring at me with their judgmental eyes. I slowly backed out from the rear of the crowd, trying to make my escape.
“She’s right here, Twilight!” answered Rainbow Dash.
My fate was sealed.
The crowd parted, and all eyes were now on me. I stood there, trying to hide that my legs were shaking.
“Could you come up here, please?” asked Twilight.
I didn’t exactly have a choice, now did I? Slowly, I made my way through the parted crowd. I looked at the ground to avoid eye contact with anypony. I heard gasps and murmurs of surprise among the crowd. I didn’t pay much attention to them as I made my way onto the stage, and towards the podium.
I gave Twilight a pleading glance as I approached her onstage, which she ignored. The crowd continued to gasp as they got a better look at me. What was it that shocked them so much?
“See, everypony?” Twilight said.
“See what?” I asked her, confused beyond words.
“What happened to her cutie mark?” shouted somepony from the crowd. The mass of ponies broke out into hysterics upon seeing my flank, which was devoid of any kind of mark.
“Calm down!” shouted Twilight, but her voice was lost among the chaos. She gave it a moment for the noise to die down, but nothing changed. She took a deep breath, and yelled “Be quiet!” at the top of her lungs.
Everypony was still and quiet, directing their full attention to Twilight once more.
“I know this is something none of us has seen before. Heck, it’s probably the first time in pony history that a cutie mark has disappeared, but we have to do the same thing we always do!”
“Panic?” Lily asked from the crowd.
“No!” answered Twilight in annoyance. “We have to work together to fix it. Princess Celestia has tasked me with coming up with a solution for the disease, but you all have to do your part, as well. When I say 'do your part,' that doesn't mean avoiding Pinkie like the plague! Got it?”
Everypony either nodded in agreement, or gave a vocal indication that they understood what needed to be done.
“Good!” said Twilight. “This town meeting is concluded!”
----------
I closed the door behind me, and finally let out a deep sigh of relief.
“Well, that was a nightmare,” I said to myself.
“You can say that again!”
I looked around for Gummy. “Where are you now?”
“Umm... oh! Right over ther—I mean, right over here! By the bed!”
I looked in the direction of the bed, and sure enough, Gummy was standing on the floor right there. I walked towards Gummy and looked down at the alligator.
“Looks like somepony is being a silly surly-pants. Gimme a big smile!”
I let this superfluous request float past me without a moment’s consideration. “You said you could help me?”
“Well, duh! That’s what I’m here for! I’ll be like your guide, ready to help you out at a moment’s notice!”
“Right,” I said with hesitance. “So, what do you suggest I do first?”
“You can’t go about fixing things like that, silly!”
“I don’t understand.”
“First of all, there is no first, and there’s no last, either! Just go with the flow, and you’ll be fine!”
“But the Pinkie Pie they know does the exact opposite of 'going with the flow.' In fact, she goes out of her way daily to do things for others.”
“Oh! Well, I guess you’ll just need to do that, then!”
“What about parties? I heard the Pinkie Pie they know loves to throw parties on a regular basis.”
“Well, first you have to learn how to throw a party, silly! Might I suggest the party cannon? It’s over there in the corner.”
“That can’t be good,” I responded. Nevertheless, I wandered over to the corner of the room, where I found a small, blue cannon with a picture of a yellow flower on each side. I observed the strange contraption, trying to understand what the possible purpose for a 'party cannon' could be. I ran a hoof over the surface, and when I came across a button, I pushed it without really thinking about the consequences.
There was a loud blast, and the recoil slammed me against the wall, knocking the wind out of me. The force of the cannon pushed my bed, which was now covered in a generous amount of cake batter, across the room. Streamers of various colors were strewn across the floor, while balloons bobbed lazily on the ceiling.
I stared at the wreckage in dismay.
“Oops, hehehe! I guess you’re not enough of a party pony to use it right! Maybe next time!”
I stared at my room, which was now messier than I could ever imagine, and sighed deeply. I found a mop nearby, which seemed inexplicably out of place in a bedroom, and went to work.