• Published 6th Jul 2012
  • 76,801 Views, 5,655 Comments

My Roommate is a Vampire - Dennis the Menace



Silly Octavia, Vinyl's not a vampire, right?

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Thicker Than Water

A round table. No, not like Knights of the Round Table. More like mares of the Round Table. Hah. Get it? We're both mares and we're sitting—

Oh shut up.

"Vinyl?"

She lifted her head slightly, looking up from her sheet music. I hoped to catch a glimpse of her eyes as her shades had been sliding down the bridge of her nose, but she pushed it up with a hoof once she caught me staring. Drat. She spat the pencil she had been chewing on for the past hour or so out and set it down on the table.

Yuck. So unrefined. So uncouth. Quills are much better, Vinyl. There's a certain elegance, flourish to using ink.

But then how do you erase?

Shush Vinyl, you wouldn't understand.

"Yeah Octy?"

Octy. It was never Octavia. Always Octy. The first time we met she called me Octy after finding out my name. Trying to get Vinyl Scratch to stop calling me that was like trying to get Vinyl Scratch to do anything.

"Uh..."

This was stupid. The idea had seemed like a good one at the time, but then again all my ideas sounded good in my head.

"What?" Vinyl pushed her glasses up again. "C'mon."

Her voice was low and husky. At the same time it was scratchy and rough, masculine almost. Her vocabulary was juvenile, consisting most of slang. I spoke with a refined accent, ar-tic-u-la-ting each and every word. The first conversation we had was mostly me asking her to repeat herself, because I couldn't understand a word that came out of her mouth.

"Never mind." I waved my hoof dismissively.

Now she was interested. She leaned forward on her cushion.

"Tell me."

I shook my head. "No, it's alright, really. I was going to—"

"—ask me something, and now you're going to tell me," Vinyl finished.

I sucked in, taking a deep breath before blurting it all out.

"Doyoubelieveinvampires?"

An innocent question.

I cringed, waiting for her reaction. For her to point and laugh. Instead, Vinyl said nothing. Not once did she even break into that insufferable grin. A faint smile tugged at her lips.

"I do."

I stared. "Really?"

"Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

She arched an eyebrow. "Ohhh, I get it. You've been reading that book, haven't you?"

"It has nothing to do with that!"

Lies. All lies. I was lying to myself, and her.


Ah, the Canterlot concert hall. Chandeliers, sweeping red carpets, massive enough to seat all of Ponyville. I was grateful to be back in Canterlot. The great thing about living there was that there was always an opportunity to listen to music. I thought it would be a great place to take Vinyl for a night out.

How wrong I was.

Fun fact. Did you know Vinyl Scratch sounded like a motorboat when she snored? I bet you didn't. The acoustics were great in here, for everypony in the hall could hear her snoring. Definitely worth all the bits I paid to listen to some fine classical music in the hall.

Oh good, she's awake. What's that? Oh for Luna's sake, that's not popco—yes, yes that is popcorn. Oh she wouldn't dare—she just ate some. And now she's smearing the butter everywhere. And now she's slurping soda. Why did the music stop? And why is everypony glaring at me? And why are you throwing your instruments at me?

"You aren't mad at me, are you?"

Oh dear, dear Vinyl Scratch. I couldn't possibly be mad at you.

I was furious.

And may I say, it was an honor and a privilege having the entirety of the Canterlot nobility focusing their attention on me. Me, of all the dumb (oh so very dumb) luck, hah! Of all the ponies in Equestria, I had the good misfortune of being subjected to their furious gazes. I felt like an egg being cracked over a hot frying pan on a stove ablaze with a grease fire, with the egg's yolk having not survived the drop and more gasoline being poured on to douse the flames. If that makes any sense to you, it shouldn't.

"Octy? You okay? Hey Octy—gack!"

And why, you may ask, was I bestowed with this great honor? I was trying to figure it out myself, starting by choking the life out of a certain nincompoop!

"I am going to find a way to legally murder you!" I giggled, a manic grin spread across my face as I wrapped my hooves around her neck.

She gasped. "Killing—me won't solve—anything!"

"And then after I legally murder you, I'm going to do so many not-very-nice things to your corpse that there won't be any evidence left!" I cackled, shaking her around.

"Octy, I'm—sorry!"

"No, you aren't. You aren't sorry, because if you were sorry, you wouldn't have brought popcorn and drinks, and snored when they started playing!" I let her go, sighing. "I need...a drink."

She said nothing, pulling me along. It was like that for a while, just us walking together to our favorite watering hole. Being the Canterlot native, I knew these streets like the back of my face.

"Octavia?"

I almost turned my head from the shock of hearing my actual name coming from her mouth. "No, no, I'm not going to look at you right now."

"Octavia, please..."

"No, I'm being mad at you right now. See how I'm not looking at you? That means I'm mad."

"I'm really, really sorry."

"Well, here we are anyways."

I harrumphed and turned away from the unicorn snootily, climbing the few steps and pushing open the door for her.

It was a little hole-in-the-wall, out of sight and out of mind and out of place compared to the rest of the grand capitol city. Most ponies only saw Canterlot from their postcards and their view from the countryside. It was small, and cramped. There was most definitely a bar of some sort, with creaky stools and torn cushions. The bartender seemed to brighten as he saw us.

"I'll have some sparkling water, and for my friend...?"

"A Bloody Mary!" Vinyl grinned. "Extra blood!"

The bartender chuckled. I merely stared at her, my jaw agape.

She's a vampire.

Octavia, a Bloody Mary is a drink—

She's a vampire.

It's a cocktail! The blood is the tomato juice—

She's a vampire!

My mind was made up. Maybe I had finally snapped. Maybe I'd lost it. I'd been living with her for far too long. Just being around her guaranteed some form of mental deterioration.

I sighed and in one mighty swig, downed my entire drink.

She wasn't a vampire. Just me being a silly filly, over analyzing every little coincidence.

"Feel better?"

I glanced over to see her, a red mustache above her lip. I giggled and pointed. It was hard to stay mad at her.


"You go on ahead. I gotta run an errand."

"At one in the morning?" I cocked my head.

"Just a quick stop."

"Then I'll come with you—"

"No!" She sighed. "I mean, this is something I have to do by myself."

Very suspicious. Very irregular, even for her.

"Alright then, if you insist. See you later," I said, walking away.

I decided that I was going to spy on her. Not in a creepy way, mind you. I wasn't stalking her, but then again, that depends on your interpretation of the word.

She waved, and waited until I turned a corner to start trotting away. I silently ran around to the other side of the street and spotted her again. My heart raced with excitement. As she crossed the street I followed her, trying my best to stay hidden and inconspicuous to any bystanders. While the streets of Canterlot were desolate at this hour, there were always a few stragglers.

"Where is she going?" I whispered, poking my head out before squeaking.

She had turned around, her head darting back and forth. I held my breath and listened for the sound of her clopping to grow fainter before moving on. Canterlot Hospital? Somehow, it felt like I was walking into a trap. And I felt guilty, like I was about to be caught. Canterlot Hospital was one of the best hospitals in Equestria, second only to the princesses' own personal hospital inside the castle. Why did Vinyl need to visit the hospital? She was fit as a fiddle!

Any closer and I would have been found out. I resigned myself to watching her walk past the door and sighed, slumping down against the brick wall.

Perhaps she was getting a check up. At one in the morning? That didn't make any sense.

I bit my lip and trotted back to our apartment, mulling over the ramifications of what I had seen. I hurled myself onto my bed with a heavy sigh.

How did I ever get involved with her?


Six months ago. Manehattan. Cloudy gray skies. Hard rain, a downpour almost. And then there was me, stuck inside some pub, sipping away at some sparkling water while listening to some blues on a jukebox. Not cider or anything fancy like that. My mind wandered to that strange mare I had met, with the electric blue mane and pale coat. I didn't know where I was going that day, or why I left my apartment. I just put on my scarf and wandered, aimlessly, until I had found myself in that nightclub. A pounding rhythm and enough flashing lights to give me epilepsy. Music I couldn't stand.

I would probably never see her again. How wrong I was on that faithful day.

I'm a good girl, honest. Certainly not the type to get mixed up with the wrong crowd. It seemed, however, that I had attracted all kinds of attention, and not the good kind, from a bunch of rowdy stallions who had too much money to blow on too much cider.

I was in too much of a daze to remember their faces, their coats or manes, anything like that. I couldn't even remember what they said to me. All I remembered was her, Vinyl Scratch, coming to my rescue.

"Thanks," I said quietly, "Vinyl Scratch."

"Octy, my mare!" She shook my hoof. "Good to see ya."

There was something that attracted me to her (in a friendly way). Her charisma. Something like that.


Living with Vinyl Scratch was like living with a friendly manticore who had no concept of personal space or hygiene. She was an absolute slob. I didn't dare venture into the pit of Tartarus known as her room, though I had gotten a peek. Energy drinks everywhere. Glowsticks hanging from the ceiling. Records on the walls.

She had her days, though, and I'd wake up and be pleasantly surprised to find her washing the dishes. She's great, right? A roommate who does the dishes!

"Mornin'."

"Good morning, Vinyl. Did you finish your errand?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah."

A pause.

"So what was it?" I asked.

"Ah, I just had to pick up a few...cables and cords and stuff. For my set. DJing and stuff."

I bit my lip and studied her, boring my eyes into hers, hidden behind those shades.

"Something wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."


"Can I see the list of ponies that visited last night?"

The mare at the front desk eyed me warily. "Sure. Name?"

"Vinyl Scratch."

She scanned the list. "Ah, yes. She had an appointment with the Canterlot Hematology branch."

"Hematology?"

"Pretty much anything having to do with the study of blood."

Blood?

"Does it say why she had an appointment?"

"Sorry, no, that's confidential."

I growled. "Is there a blood bank around here or something?"

She blinked. "Why, yes. We offer our services year round. Would you like to donate some?"

The very thought made me queasy. "No thank you."

I had no hard evidence to prove that she was a vampire. All of it, circumstantial. I had reached a dead end. Why would she visit that branch of the hospital? Why would she visit the hospital at all? It was all very fishy. I was going to have to do a little bit more digging if I was going to see this through.

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