In My Life
In My Life
*****
The dark, gloomy room that night was shrouded by the gentle drops of rain that struck against the window. The only light was the dim moonlight that trickled through the thin, teal curtains. The hospital felt like an entirely different place at night. During the day, doctors and nurses hustled back and forth through the halls, stopping every so often to exchange information on different patients. At night, however, the only noise that came from the hallway was the occasional hoofsteps of a doctor or nurse, making their nightly rounds.
Twilight was quietly sleeping on the room bed, giving soft, slow inhalations and exhalations. Her entire body was under the bed sheet, save for her head and front legs. A tube was attached to one of her legs, connecting directly with an intravenous bag. Another one was patched to her chest, sending the signals of her heartbeat to the electrocardiogram machine, making it beep in rhythm with her heart.
A voice asked from outside the room. “So, how is she, doctor?” If Twilight weren’t sleeping, she would recognize that voice anywhere.
“Your Highness… we’ve done everything in our power to keep Ms. Sparkle in a stable condition. We’ve given her a high dose of medicine, extensive care… but her body doesn’t seem to respond.”
“Doctor, are you trying to tell me that…”
“The disease Ms. Sparkle has acquired is very complicated to treat. If her body keeps rejecting the medicines we are giving her, her condition will only get worse.”
“There… there must be something you should be able to do!”
“Princess, believe me. We are doing everything in our power to save Ms. Sparkle. But as I said, her state is very fragile. If something is not done soon… well, I’m afraid Ms. Sparkle will…”
“No, doctor! Please don’t tell me that! She can be saved, right?”
“This is really hard for me to say, since I know Ms. Sparkle means a lot to you, Your Highness, but if her system once again refuses to let the medication do its work, and if she doesn’t wake up tonight, I don’t think she’s going to make it to watch your beautiful sun rise into the morning sky. ”
Princess Celestia didn’t respond. She only stared down at the doctor, who looked away from her to avoid eye contact. Her head turned towards the room. She could see Twilight, since the door was opened. Celestia turned her head once again to look at the doctor. “I… I understand. Can I see her? Just for a few minutes, please.”
“Visits were over hours ago, but I can make an exception for you, Princess. Please, just make it quick. We can only hope for her to open her eyes, tonight,” the doctor said. “Please, excuse me, but I need to check on some blood samples back the lab. With your permission, Your Highness.” With those words, he walked away, trotting down the hallway.
Celestia stood there, motionless. Several emotions ran through her body at the same time. Anxiety, worry, anguish… but there was one dominating over them. She was scared, scared of what was going to happen. Her heart pounded faster as each second passed during that rainy night. Celestia didn’t want to believe it. It just couldn’t be true.
A minute passed, and Celestia was still holding the same pose and expression since the doctor left. Out of nowhere, her gaze was fixed at the ponies sleeping on the other side of the hallway. It had several couches, some vivid plants and bright lamps on the ceiling. Shining Armor and Cadance were asleep on one of the couches. Sleeping next to them were Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, on a somewhat bigger couch, and in front of them, Applejack, Rarity and Spike sharing a smaller couch. Finally, Twilight’s parents were asleep on the largest couch of the hallway. Both their faces were covered in dried tears.
Celestia looked at everypony, sleeping peacefully, oblivious of the news the doctor shared with her moments ago. They looked so peaceful, just like Twilight looked in her room. Celestia took a quick breath, and closed her eyes. “Oh, my little ponies. I so do not wish to see you suffer anymore.” Her stare went back to Twilight, feeling her legs moving as if they had their own life and walking towards the room.
As Celestia entered the gloomy room, her sole thoughts were about her faithful student. Nothing else was on her mind but Twilight. How could something like that happen? Maybe she was the powerful co-ruler of Equestria, but even she didn’t know the answer to that question. Why do ponies have to die? Why do they have to go away? Of course, Celestia was well aware that Twilight would pass away someday, and that she would have to carry on with her eternal life. However, she didn’t give it much thought up until she heard Twilight was in the hospital. She didn’t think the moment would arrive that soon, and in such way.
Celestia’s hoofwear clanged hard against the porcelain floor. As she approached closer to Twilight, her heartbeat increased. She stood next to her bed, looking at Twilight’s peaceful face, showing nothing but her trademark charm. “Good evening, Twilight,” Celestia whispered. “I came to visit you.” She sat on the cold floor, not giving much thought about it. “I just want to talk with you, and I know how much you love to talk with me.” She smiled and let out a faint chuckle. “First of all, I never properly told you how grateful I am for what you did in your brother’s wedding. I’m deeply sorry that I didn’t believe you right away, but let’s put that aside for a second, okay?”
The rain kept falling, getting stronger minute after minute.
“I read your friendship report from a week ago, and I couldn’t be any more proud of you, my faithful student. I’m sure it was a very valuable lesson to learn, and I’m happy you managed to sort things out with that mare Trixie.” Celestia blinked, feeling as how the sensation in her eyes grew stronger. “Also, the doctor has told me what your current situation is, well.” She gulped. The knot in her throat stopped her from speaking, but she couldn’t afford to waste time. “You’re very delicate, Twilight. He said that if your body rejects the medicines once again, you will…” She couldn’t continue. It was too painful, even for her. Celestia could not articulate such a word and even less spit it to Twilight. “If you leave us, everypony will be crushed. Your parents, your brother, your friends, and... me.”
Hoofsteps from ponies could be heard from the outside, but none from the ponies asleep on the couches. The only thing that laid outside the room were nurses and doctors speaking to each other for few seconds before leaving the hallway.
“Twilight, I… I don’t want to lose you,” Celestia continued. “Ever since you were a little filly, I’ve cherished and loved you with all my heart. I can still remember your ear to ear smile when you passed your entrance exam. I’ve never seen a happier filly in my life!” Another chuckle escaped from her mouth. “Remember our nights studying together? You used to fall asleep so often that I had to carry you to bed.” She kept chuckling, digging back those pleasant memories, memories that she would forever treasure in her mind. “I was truly lucky to meet you, Twilight Sparkle. You’ve been the best student I’ve ever had, and… oh, this is silly, but…” One of her eyes leaked, making a tear to run down her cheek. “You’re like the daughter I never had.”
Twilight’s soft breaths were everything Celestia got back in response.
“I have loved every single moment I’ve spent with you. Your friendship reports were honest, and I couldn’t be any more satisfied with what I have taught you. You have made this old mare the happiest old mare in Equestria, Twilight. Believe me when I say that I love you, no matter what the tomorrow has prepared for us, I still love you with all my heart.”
No words came from Celestia’s mouth for a few seconds. She only had one more thing to say. She extended one of her hooves and rested in on Twilight’s. The warmth of the unicorn’s hoof ran through Celestia’s body.
“I don’t want you to go, Twilight. In my life, I’ve seen ponies come and go. Immortality can be a double edge weapon, you know. In my life, I’ve lost loved ones and gained new ones. In my life, there are ponies I will love forever, and you’re not the exception, Twilight. In my life, my heart will always hold a special room for you. And for that, thank you, Twilight. Thank you for all these moments we've shared together.”
Tears kept leaking from Celestia’s eyes, refusing to stop. She stood up and bowed her head, giving Twilight a kiss on her forehead.
“Good night, Twilight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Celestia raised her head and turned her body, ready to leave everything in the hooves of fate. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to spend every single moment she could with Twilight. However, she was only allowed to enter the room for a few moments, and she wasn't a rule breaker. Slowly, she took a step forward when a weak voice stopped her.
“In my life…”
Celestia’s heart pounded hard. She didn’t move a muscle. Her whole body shut down at the melodic sound of that weak voice. Even her tears stopped flowing for a second. She didn’t remember the last time she felt her heart racing so fast. The rain seemed to have stopped, or she just didn’t hear it anymore. Her head slowly turned, looking back at where her faithful student was resting. She looked directly at her half-opened purple eyes. The final beacon of hope shined stronger than it ever had before.
“Princess... In my life… I love you more.”
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Think the "trending" in the description is supposed to be "treading."
that was beautiful
iT was great....I am not crying i am just sweating out of my eyes hey look at that thing over there *points in a direction and runs off*
Please add another chapter I would really enjoy reading it :)
This feels inspired by an event. Interesting.
Good emotional appeal and good flow as well. I didn't spot any grammatical issues while reading. I like the hopeshot at the end too. There's little else to say.
Damn you, for making this old Jarhead cry...
It was beautiful. Thank you.
Very lovely story. I hope Twilight makes it through ok. We're all there for ya twi.
Wow, just...wow...nice one, man
Got me right in the heart, it did
Gonna click the follow button... Just in case it continues.
Saw the title, instantly thought Beatles; and it seems I was correct! The transition from music to literature was flawless. I applaud you, good sir.
Oh man, right in the feels.
In a good way. 
I hope you will continue this further, I'd like to see what happens after.
A very heartwarming oneshot.
Made me sad on an otherwise happy day.
A left hook to the feels ribcage.
Here, have a few Pinkies for that ending.
Random pony: Mr. Mayor! The Dam of Manly Tears, it has sprung a leak! What do we do!?
Mayor: *takes off sunglasses*... God help us all.....
Heartwarming and filled with hope. Beautifully executed sadfic.
Why hasn't anyone posted the song yet? This is Johnny Cash's cover.
[youtube=Ka2h0BMdUgU]
A beautiful story.
Beautiful. A masterpiece!
I'd rewrite this entire paragraph if I were you. It is a single run-on sentence.
Also, I'm pretty sure the once again bit should go like:
if her body once again rejects the medicines
or
if her body the medicines once again
Missing space.
Was. We're talking past tense here.
I'm going to be honest here. I didn't like it, and that's five minutes of my life I'll never get back. The premise has almost been done to death, and there's almost always one of these stories in the featured box when I'm looking, so no points for originality.
Celestia's reaction doesn't feel in character. Her lose of composure is a big hit against the story. She's over 1000 years old, and has no doubt experienced death more times than she cares to remember, so the whole breaking down into tears doesn't do it. In my eyes she would be sad, but mostly numb to the situation.
Tying in with the grammatical errors, there is a lot of poor word choices, like 'acquiring' the disease. It makes sense, but contracted would be more appropriate to the situation.
Finally, the earlier dialogue, and this one is a poor choice I see writers make constantly. There is only dialogue. There is so much more to interaction than just the words spoken, body language plays a huge part, but you've completely ommited it from Celestia's conversation with the nurse. Add some expressions, movements and tones in, it'll make your characters feel more natural.
1312245
.
I dunno, these kind of stories seem to be a bit of a trend
1313369
I'm aware that this is a generic sadfic.
This is actually my first work with the Sad tag, so I wanted to try with an overused plot to begin with.
Thanks, anyway.
*sheds a man tear*
A few minor mechanical errors. You might want to have more variety in your word choice. It seems like you don't really change it up. Also, it's hooves, not hoofs when you mean plural.
That was good..........SHE'S ALIVE YESYESYESYESYESYESYES
why do you people keep giving me all thies feels? i cant hold all of them!
This was not bad for your first sad fic but of course you could try to be more orginial next time and provide more details, for instance what is the disease and for how long has Twilight had it for, also I'm afraid I'll have to deduct points for using the 'Celestia is an imortal sun goddess' idea, it's been done to death unfournately.
That was beautiful. It was powerful, and well written.
please... for the love of god please update with another chapter. this one hit me in the feels... great work!
1313369 I don't care how long you've lived, losing a loved one, NEVER gets easier, and honestly I wouldn't wish immortality on anything.
1313484 Honestly I liked your story better than most sadfics with similar plots, if only because it left a little room for hope at the end. I've read to many stories where everyone loses and the ending leaves no room for happiness. I get that entertainment as of late has been leaning towards realism, but honestly people like to see the hero/heroine manage through despite all odds, we like seeing a happy ending...
And I'm just uselessly ranting...
TL:DR Anyway Great story, don't care its generic, liked the room for hope.
1313484 Yeah so either I've developed a heart of stone or immunity to these kind of fics but I didn't cry. Don't rightly know why, this is certainly well written if a bit generic but you've already made that admission. I think I'd actually be more interested in the little Trixie reference you made.
Somehow... this was just... beautiful. Who would have thought a 1,700 word story could be this great?
Somehow... this was just... beautiful. Who would have thought a 1,700 word story could be this great?
screw it. we need more. The ending was a cliffhanger and I think you know that.
I LOVED IT!
1312391 Marines don't cry! they excrete extraneus salt through their ocular orifices!!!
Like this
(with less makeup =3)
Well, that was sad. Another fic into our heart. Love, all the world needs is love. Only that will make peace in the world. Nicely done there. Hope to see more from you.
Well, I'm not going to alter a review based on whether it's your first try or anything like that, so buckle up.
Word repetition at the start is a huge problem. Almost all of the sentences need rewording to avoid it, and then later, there are a fair number of very questionable word choices that make the narrative feel a little immature and unsophisticated. The dialogue suffers from this, too, with many lines (more towards the beginning) feeling completely unlike anything any real person, let alone Celestia, would say. Lastly, much of the sentence structure was, while serviceable, rather dull. Groups of very short sentences and long ones with repetitive rhythms add to the feeling of unwelcome simplicity.
From a less technical perspective, the tone was functional, and avoided many of the potential pit traps that similar pieces fall into. It didn't overreach, or try to force anything that wasn't there, which made it fairly readable despite the technically dry narration. A little bit tell-y on occasion, but actually not that bad, perhaps even better than the average on FIMFiction (although I'm not sure how much of a plus you'll take that as). Though I suspect it pulls tears from the eyes of many of your target audience, I'm afraid it's won't be because of a well executed plot or anything more than the most base emotional manipulation.
As seems to forever be my main criticism these days, it isn't really a story at all, but a scene in narrative format. There is no struggle, or twist, or sense of attachment, beyond that which is stolen form the show. It's too short to be a full story, yet too rambling to be a simple exposition of an idea.
Score: ☼☼
Not actually bad, but flawed in very basic ways that make it unremarkable. Feel free to drop me an email if you require any explanations of my comments.
-Scott 'Inquisitor' Mence
A Twilight is Twilestia fic these are a Dime a dosen to borrow a yank phrase
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6zym9OFsr1qbmrgd.gif
It needs a sequel. That was art. I'm not going to cry, mainly because my mom's in the room.
So they hooked her up to a DC battery? Or did you mean a tube was attached to her leg, leading up into an intravenous bag?
MY GOD! I can read bloody anything and not cry but still good job
Stay strong Twilight
.
Womanly tears were shed
I love that song, and while I sort of saw it coming, the way you worked it in as the last line killed me
The "she would forever treasure in her mind forever" part was a little redundant. That's all I found that hasn't been mentioned yet.
Still a good read, though.
Manly tears were shed. Is there any chance that you might continue this?
SO TWILIGHT'S ALIVE, RIGHT?! SHE'S NOT GONNA DIE, RIGHT?!
Some pony please say yes.
beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
- guess i need a new student to troll
All in all, a good start. Keep working at your descriptions (without over-doing it), and you should have an easier time.
I think everyone agrees Celly and Twi have something very special, and this was a nice addition to the sub-genre.
Stop hitting my feels. They're not used to it.
Oh, this looks interesting. I'll read it later.
So many feels!
Good job with this one, it made me cry!
Short, sweet, and oh so good.
loved it