• Published 1st Mar 2012
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Arrow 18 Mission Logs: Lone Ranger - AdmiralTigerclaw


A mission to investigate a far off world takes an interesting twist.

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Archive Eleven: But Mostly... Friends

MISSION LOG:
January 1rst, 2258


22 hours, 147 models, and enough math to melt a calculator and it just… It’s beautiful.

The values needed to move a G-type main sequence are nothing short of, pardon the pun, astronomical in any conventional method man has ever been able to derive. But by forcing the simulation models to accept arbitrary values for a subspace displacement drive, I’ve plugged in the local star as its own power source and ran it with the numbers for the microwave background… And it works perfectly before any semblance of any kind of power consumption even becomes non-negligible data. Relatively speaking, of course.

In fact, with the potential energy output of the star as the power source, I saw values for potential motion that would make even Dan’s great grandfather roll over in his grave. The simulations are all saved to the file ‘Galactic Pinball’, but if anyone reading this wants an idea of the values I'm talking about… Well, make sure you swallow whatever you’re drinking NOW.

All done?

Imagine if you switched the Earth and the Sun, and then had the sun travel from the dawn horizon to an elevation of 90 degrees, or high noon, in eight seconds. That's a distance of one and a half AUs in eight seconds... On a curve.

Now aren't you glad you swallowed that drink?

Yes, that's a massive amount of motion, but the system’s equilibrium is stable. Well, stable enough… And even if something upsets that equilibrium, it can be summarily recovered with a vengeance. There are no words to express how precarious, yet robust this system is. It just leaves me wondering two things:

1: What caused this system to come into play in the first place.

2: How did these equines develop what I’m going to call Remote Subspace Displacement?

I have to talk to Twilight, what time is it? I don’t care, this information is too important…


MISSION LOG:
January 2nd, 2258

It's hard to move at the moment, but I have put this on the record. Never in my entire life did I ever think I could leave the leader of a nation completely thunderstruck. Let alone four of them... Or aliens.

But as I type this, Twilight, Princess Luna, Princess Heaven, that pink princess I mentioned in an earlier log, and even the Changer Queen are all crowded into the Raven, huddled around me. The simulations I ran have been going for the better part of six hours, and even though they're simplified models for display purposes, I can tell by the amount of excited equine chatter that their meaning is beyond profound.

I’m serious. While I can understand Twilight going a million miles an hour and looking almost like Pink Pie, I could never have told you Princess Heaven would act like she’s doing now. I mean, she’s already reared back once (and hit her horn on a bulkhead) to clap her hooves together.

It is a bit hard to get a translation out of Twilight in all the excitement, but from the snatches she HAS given me, everyone here is excited to finally understand exactly how Princess Heaven and Princess Luna’s special skills work.

What seems especially prudent to mention is a new understanding they have for the consequences of a system. It seems they understand that their job and talent have always been important for their nation, but they never quite realized just how much the lives of everyone on this planet depended on what they have been doing for more than a millennium. While it might not be necessary for me to explain what could happen should their activities suddenly be halted, I will summarize that the result would be apocalyptic.

Twilight won’t elaborate, but there was a brief moment where I thought an argument was going to break out between her, the princesses, and the changer queen. However, several pointed words from Twilight ended it with the queen hanging her head in apparent shame. I’m not sure what just happened, nopony wants to explain right now.


MISSION LOG:
January 4th, 2258

Any excuse for a Party.

Yes, Pink is at it again. Apparently, the news of our discovery in the last few days has been leaked, and a party to rival our return from orbit has been thrown in honor of said discovery. There’s not much I can really say at this point that isn’t covered in earlier logs, except changers.

Lots of changers…

The critters were everywhere, timid and keeping to small groups while one or two tried to mingle with the townsfolk. For the most part, it wasn’t bad. The children who’ve played with Shifty were actually rather good at bringing the two ‘races’ together, asking a good number of them to transform into their favorite things. It was cute, and broke the ice really well. By noon, I’d say it was a little like a circus or theme park, with green flashes of fire and new shapes and faces everywhere I turned.

It was later in the afternoon that I stumbled across the changer queen. From the few times I met her, I’ve come to identify her as somewhat of an abrasive or hostile personality, but she seemed…

Her face had this haunted look to it. It was an uncanny look to match to any of the equinoids. I wish I could ask her what had her so spooked, but Twilight hasn’t been anywhere in sight today. Stuck with little more than observing, I kept an eye on her well into the evening. She watched others enjoying the party, and almost seemed to want to join in several times with some of the games, but every single time, she’d twitch, visibly droop her ears, and wander off to be alone. Even a few times when the children would show up to ‘ooo’ and ‘ah’ at her, she’d simply put on a rather fake expression of cheer until they got bored and ran off, then the haunted look would return almost looking like fear, or panic or something.

I don’t know what’s up, but the changer queen is really upset about something. Maybe once I find Twilight I can catch her and find out.

Oh great, Pink found me.

Looks like I haven’t had my mandatory fill of sucrose today. And… That’s a BIG cake.


MISSION LOG:
January 5th, 2258

An interesting morning jog today (I tried, but I don’t think even a full six months on the Arrow’s treadmill will work off last night’s calories). I came across the changer queen moping by the river. I’m pretty certain it was moping anyway, but the moment she spotted me she tried to hide it behind a façade similar to the ones she was using for the children yesterday.

Having not been around the changer queen without the others before, I decided right then was as good a time as any, huffing and puffing from my last sprint even, to sit down and spend some time trying to get to know her. The insectoid-equinoid seemed surprised by this, but made no attempts to escape my presence.

Back and forth examination seems to be the typical go-to these days every time I meet a new species up close, and while I’ve met the queen several times already, she took the opportunity to look me over in detail since I only had my jogging clothes on. Likewise I was able to inspect her form in detail without distractions as well. From the scars and holes pitting her body, as well as tattered membranous wings, I’d say she’d been the type to lead from the front.

That, or a really poor judge of safe activities.

After a while, she started talking to me. At least, I think she was talking to me. Without my faithful purple translator, I just caught the occasional word amidst an oddly hypnotic buzzing speech pattern. I’m pretty sure she knew I couldn’t understand her, but she just rambled on for quite some time.

This must have gone on for the better part of an hour before we were interrupted by the pink princess with the heart mark… Crud, I don’t have a name for her. I’ll ask Twilight at my earliest convenience, but for now she can be Princess ‘Heartthrob’. That seems ‘pony’ enough and relates to her flank mark. It wouldn’t surprise me if I was dead-on either.

So Princess ‘Heartthrob’ showed up while the changer queen- I should name her too.

Okay, I can’t think of anything that sounds nice at the moment, so she can be Mothra. She sort of looks like a moth after all. Or at least, moth-eaten…

So ‘Heartthrob’ interrupted ‘Mothra’s unintelligible life story, and for just a moment the two looked like they were about to rip each other apart. However, after the universe’s heaviest sigh, Mothra just lowered her head and stared at the water.

The next thing she said though, must have been really odd coming from her, because she said the pony equivalent of ‘I’m Sorry’. Princess Heartthrob appeared almost startled by the apology. After some hesitation though, she sat down next to us, and before long, the one sided conversation the changer queen was having with me had become something of a little heart-to-heart between the two of them with me as spectator.

Again, ad-infinitum, I couldn’t understand anything but the occasional word, but there were soft words and there were strong words. Chuckling was common, and so were a few pointed looks and growls between them. But by the time I’d decided I needed to head back to the Raven, they seemed to be getting along nicely.

After cleaning up, I went over to Twilight's library in an attempt to find her. No luck there, just a locked door and a wooden sign I couldn't read. I really need my translator pony.

Oh, there are fireworks over Canterlot, you can see them from here.


MISSION LOG:
January 6th, 2258

Here I am looking for Twilight, and she finds me instead, waking me before the crack of dawn by literally dragging me out of bed. Apparently there's a lot going on up in the capital right now. According to Sparkle, recent events involving me have forced the changer queen to completely shelve her aggression, especially in the face of almost accidenta-

I did hear that right, right?

The changer queen almost accidentally destroyed the world when she... beat Princess Heaven during the invasion? How... What?

Okay, recap from Twilight. A few months before my arrival, the Changers launched an extremely aggressive invasion of the capital. In said event, the queen managed to kidnap and imprison 'Heartthrob' and then barely best Princess Heaven in single combat. It was by seemingly sheer dumb luck that she was repelled even as her army managed to secure nearly total control in under twenty minutes.

I vaguely recall this from when I first met Shifty, but Twilight says that thanks to unraveling the secret of Princess Heaven's abilities, they all now realize just how close to catastrophe that situation had been. Without Princess Heaven to keep the celestial motion going...

Their entire world would have plunged into the sun.

I think... Oh… Oh my… I KNOW what's wrong with 'Mothra' now. That’s a lot of baggage to claim. That's, that's brutal.

According to Twilight, 'Mothra' has unconditionally surrendered the sovereignty of her people... ponies... changers to Princess Heaven as penance for her actions. Apparently, she is still the queen, but in exchange for aide, will now answer directly to the Canterlot government without question. It also has apparently gone out that with the appearance of my/our/human kind from the stars, the races of this planet can no longer afford to squabble with each other. Twilight cites that it is not humans in particular they worry about, but what else might be out there if we are...

That's a sobering thought.

If we're out there, and ponies are out here, what else exists in the cosmos? Are they friendly as we have been (and, I hope, continue to be)? Thoughts for the future…

Right now, Twilight has informed me that my presence is desired up in Canterlot. Apparently the princesses would like to have me to be there to (through Twilight) discuss the new alliances and tentative treaties my arrival has put in motion. I've told Twilight I don't have the authority to speak for the EGSA, but she insists that I at least be there to act as a witness for humanity, especially with my plans to leave by the end of the month.

I better grab the good camera...


MISSION LOG:
January 10th, 2258

I feel like I’ve been living in a fairy tale right out of Greek mythology. Sure, seeing the various ponies and hearing about the other creatures of this world has been amazing, but the last few days have gone above and beyond my experiences for the entire last six months.

So yesterday, we were flown up to Canterlot...

Flying.

Frikkin'.

Chariot.

No joke.

Being a pilot, I can only express a fresh sense of wonder at being able to fly in the open air with such casual ease. I think the only guys who can claim this same feeling are the ultralight pilots. And even then, they don't get this casual 'car trip' passenger experience that this trip had.

And I got to do it twice...

But anyway, Twilight informed me upon our arrival that it was an emergency summit, and representatives from a dozen of the planet's nations were there. Again, it was like a fairy tale. Full-sized dragons, griffins, some kind of dog-creature, actual centaurs, changers, and even minotaurs. All this time here, and for the first time, I felt like a kid again. The abundance of familiar mythological creatures just reinforces the strange duality this world shares with Earth.

The summit itself seemed pretty much what one would expect from a political meeting, but with a twist. Twilight did her best to translate for me, and I was asked of the intent of the human race. I'd like to think I held my own even without Princess Heaven obviously telling a particularly rude-sounding dragon off. Twilight wouldn't translate what it said, but Princess Heaven's comment made it look at me with... I don't know, fear?

The highlight of the event, however, was a rather amazing holographic display by the princess herself (See the video file 'Planetarium' for footage). The display included a rundown of the simulations I'd shown the pony princesses a few days prior, and their consequences. There was a bit of an uproar towards 'Mothra' which I would assume was anger towards her near-miss at dooming them all. It took Princess Luna asserting herself to calm the room down again.

I think the floor is marble. The crack where she stomped is over a dozen meters long and goes up the wall.

Most of the rest of the meeting was taken up by Princess Heaven talking about a few things I went over in a previous entry. Mainly, how they were simply a small spec in the cosmos, and how if mankind was out there, many others could also be hidden across the void, and equally likely to notice the uniqueness of this star system.

But one thing that confuses me... I'm not sure if it's translation, or a cultural term, but Princess Heaven called humans and Earth their long lost cousins. I'm unsure what that means unless Twilight's been explaining the similarities between our worlds in detail.

I'm starting to think this is no mere coincidence...

The summit ended on those notes, and I was allowed to meet and greet, up close, every representative there, from a couple of obviously foreign ponies all the way up to the dragon. Nice guy, actually. The scales are actually kind of flexible and pliable, like snake skin rather than steel plates.

After a night spent at the palace under the hospitality of the Princesses, I've been flown back to 'Ponyville' and the Raven.

And this morning, I've decided to move preparations forward for returning to Earth. The abundance of information I've gathered can no longer afford to wait on my leisure. From this point forward, all log updates are going directly to the Arrow's mission archives. I'm also preparing the auto-return program and the backup capsule. One way or another, this information is getting back to Earth. And when it does, we need a full expedition. I have learned how this system works. But I don't think I alone can determine why it is. It may take the full expertise of both our worlds to learn the answer to that.


MISSION LOG:
January 12th, 2258

Leave it to Pink to throw a going away party to end all going away parties. I want the Doc. to check me for diabetes the moment I'm planet-side on Earth. I think I've consumed more sugar in the last six months than in the entirety of the rest of my life combined.

This party of course practically materialized within' hours of announcing to Twilight my intent to move my schedule up and return to Earth. And with the party came the attention of all my adoring, and rather adorable fans, from the adults, to the school house full of equinoid children.

Even the obnoxious one that tried to make a fool out of me surprised me with a nuzzle/hug hybrid these creatures can get away with. The jury's still out as to if the little princess wannabe was just trying to brown nose with the space alien, but I'd like to think it was sincere simply because the alternative kind of ruins my mood.

This evening I was invited up to Applejack's home, the large barn-like structure on the farm where I had one of my first encounters with them. Big Red was in attendance, as well as a pony that I could only assume by the features, was ancient enough to be someone's grandmother. Twilight verified for me that this was the case.

Dinner was delicious, if a little fruity (herbivores...). I tried to get at least the apple pie reciepe, but 'Granny' would have none of that apparently.

“Ya want more, you gots ter come back to this here house to git it,” Twilight had apparently somehow managed to translate with a twang of an accent. I didn't have recording equipment on me for it. But it was funny... You'll have to trust that one.



MISSION LOG:
January 16th, 2258

I've been hard at work carefully packing away and locking down the Raven for a return to orbit. Systems checks have come up all green, though I'm not trusting the computer alone on this one. Physical checks on the repairs to the scram turbo pumps have looked good, and I even caught one of the landing gear tires deflated a little. The gear is of no concern since I'm taking off on VTOL anyway.

Twilight's expression looked a cross between happy, yet sad as she assisted. Schematics, checklists, and even a few tools levitated to me as I give the craft the once-over. I don't blame her. These past six months have probably been the most exciting she's ever known, and now I have to leave. But she assists with that same spark she had when she first felt my arm, or learned how to speak the first words of English... I still can't believe she's become so fully fluent so quickly.

We were joined by her other assorted friends, mainly Dash and Pink early on, both showing an amazing amount of competency with Twilight directing their actions. They were going to remove the pony seats, but I decided to leave it in as proof of their existence among everything else I've collected, material or data-wise.

Why am I...


MISSION LOG:
January 17th, 2258

I have asked Twilight's assistance in putting something of an event together for me, hopefully it won't take too many days to prepare, but I'd like one last bit for the road.


MISSION LOG:
January 20th, 2258

:BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

Conversation between subjects Capt. Randolph 'Randy' Edwards (RE), Sapient Equine Lifeform Twilight Sparkle (TS), Sapient Equine Lifeform 'Princess' Celestial (PCe), Sapient Equine Lifeform 'Princess' Luna (PL), Sapient Equine Lifeform 'Princess' My Love Cadence (PCa), Sapient Equine-insectoid Lifeform 'Queen' Chrysalis (QC). Recorded January 20th, 2258 @ 12:53 GMT.

Transcript has been modified on January 20th, 2258 @ 17:46 GMT.
:: From Twilight Sparkle: This transcript includes modifications to show a translation spell I have been working on for some time. While conversation may prove understandable, it may also seem strange. Markers have been placed to indicate where my spell has acted. This translation spell provides two-way crossover translation between Equine and English based on concept recovery feedback. Translation occurs on the Equine side of the link and conveys concepts directly to and from the language center of the brain. Audio produced by this spell is live and in Human English. The voices heard are real, if distorted.

-[VIEW VIDEOGRAPHY]

(TS) Are we live?

(RE) Rolling, Twilight.

(TS) This is going to be fun! [TRANS] Right Princess? [/TRANS]

(PCe) [TRANS] I'm afraid I did not catch that. [/TRANS]

(TS) [TRANS] Tune your magic to one four zero point eight zero megahertz.[/TRANS]

(PCe) [TRANS] Okay... Is this correct?[/TRANS]

(TS) Can you understand me?

(PCe) [TRANS] Ah, it's working now. We're going to have to tune out the chamber-echo however. I sound like I'm talking from two places in two different languages at the same time.[/TRANS]

(TS) [TRANS] I'll work on noise cancellation subroutine later. I'm just happy something with this sophistication worked at all. I had to build it from math on up.[/TRANS]

(RE) Twilight, is that weird noise normal?

(TS) Just a side-effect of two audio sources going at the same time.

(PL) [TRANS] It is interesting to be able to understand Captain Edwards so clearly. Surely young Twilight, this translation spell is a marvel to match your previous exploits.[/TRANS]

(TS) [TRANS] I can't take all the credit. The language processing algorithm was based on how Randy's vehicle taught me and placed into a feedback loop. Even now, the language processing is evolving to more clearly communicate what we're saying and thinking into something Randy can understand. So don't be surprised if there a few tweaks while we're talking. [/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] Tweaks? Explain.[/TRANS]

(TS) [TRANS] English has a variety of different words that all mean the same thing, as well as a number of words that are nearly identical, but mean different things. There are also words with multiple meanings that change with context. [/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] I may have laid down my arms against you Twilight, but please, DON'T bore me with the details...[/TRANS]

(TS) *sigh* [TRANS] Word selection will improve as the spell is subject to conversation.[/TRANS]

(RE) It seems pretty good so far Twilight.

(TS) While we were working on the Raven, I set up a loop of the language program on your Computer and ran the spell on it for twelve hours.

(RE) Twilight...

(TS) What?! That was well within' what you said I could do. I didn't modify anything, I didn't mess with the system control software, I didn't get into anything I technically shouldn't have! I learn from my mistakes! There was nothing I did that would have gone under that term you have... What was it ...easier to ask forgiveness than permission?

(PCa) [TRANS] Twilight, how long has this been going on?[/TRANS]

(RE) From day one...

(PCe) [TRANS] Oh my... Twilight, my student... I must apologize, Captain Edwards. If I had known she was taking advantage of your hospitality this much, I would have put a stop to it. [/TRANS]

(RE) It's okay. It's more that she's been taking advantage of how I can't stay mad at her for more than two minutes...

(TS) HEY!

(QC) [TRANS] Giggle-giggle- Hey wait, what's that spell saying I just said?[/TRANS]

(RE) Twilight did your spell literally just translate a giggle as words?

(TS) Like I said, it still has a few bugs in it.

(RE) So I see... But to answer your question Princess Heaven, she's overstepped her authority a few times, but nothing serious. I think she understands.

(PCe) [TRANS] If you say it is fine, then I shall believe it. But again, I must apologize for any inconvenience. [/TRANS]

(RE) Don't worry about it. Anyway, shall we get on with the formal part of this? I've been recording several minutes of this conversation and it's very telling. But I think the people of Earth would like a proper show.

(PCe) [TRANS] Then we shall give them one. Sister?[/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] I am ready when you are.[/TRANS]

(PCa) [TRANS] So am I. [/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] I suppose so. [/TRANS]

(RE) Okay then... Good afternoon everyone, I am Captain Randolph Edwards of the Earth Global Space agency, recording to you live from the planet catalogued as Omega Centauri Two, or as I have come to term it, Equis. As you can see from this video log, I have not only verified the existence of life, but have discovered this life to be sapient, intelligent, and if not friendly, amazingly familiar. No, this isn't clever CGI or mechanical puppets, these are living, breathing people... Or as the culturally correct term would be, ponies. Twilight?

(TS) [TRANS] Hello! My name is Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Heaven, and the first of my kind to make contact with Randolph Edwards. For the last six months I have been working tirelessly to learn your language and really everything about you I could find. I consider it an honor to be able to make this recording. With us today are my mentor and long time friend, Princess Heaven herself, her younger sister, Princess Luna, my long time foal-sitter and friend, Princess Cadence, and the queen of the Changers, Chrysalis. [/TRANS]

(RE) So it's Chrysalis? Okay, I can work with that.

(QC) [TRANS] Wait, you didn't tell him my name? What was he calling me before?[/TRANS]

(RE) Mothra...

(QC) [TRANS] Moth God?* I'm the god of moths? I'm flattered.[/TRANS]

(TS) [TRANS] I don't think that's right. The translation spell has a hard time when non-standard references are made. I'm not familiar with what Randy mentioned. There's a lot of culture to review.[/TRANS]

(PCe) [TRANS]Perhaps at a later time...[/TRANS]

(TS) [TRANS]Of course! Moving on, Princess, if you would?[/TRANS]

(PCe) [TRANS] Greetings Humans, I am Princess Celestial, leader of-[TRANS]

(RE) Celestial?

(TS) The spell swapped words. It must have elected that as a more correct name translation!

(PCa) [TRANS]Twilight? You're interrupting.[/TRANS]

(TS) [TRANS] OH! Oops... [/TRANS]

(PCe) [TRANS] No harm done. As I was saying, I am the leader of the nation of Equestria. It is an honor to be able to be here today. This is my sister Lu-[/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] I can speak for myself, sister. This isn't like the ground breaking of Everfree Castle.[/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] Oh, this is going places... [/TRANS]

(PL) Erhem... Ieee aim, preenciss Lunar-

(QC) [TRANS] Talk normal! I don't even know what you're trying to say and I can tell you sound like a fool! [/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] I was TRYING to appeal to them by using their language.[/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] You have Sparkle-flank's translation thing for that. Even the pink one is more fluent than you. If you keep on like this, you'll make us ALL look like fools![/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] Says the insect that almost killed us all! How foolish would we have looked then?[/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] Big talk coming from the princess who was asleep the whole time! That and you almost did the same thing too! Or am I mistaken on that Nightmare Moon incident?[/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] At least I had the ability to rectify my mistake had it been allowed to continue. If you had been victorious, all you would have been able to do would be to sit there and watch the end approach! [/TRANS]

(RE) They do realize I'm still recording, right?

(QC) [TRANS] Doesn't make your foolishness any less foolish, attention seeking over-sleeper![/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] It does so you parasitic insect! [/TRANS]

(TS) Princess Luna's still a bit sore about sleeping through the whole invasion.

(RE) They're being fully translated too, and what they're saying isn't very flattering on their behavior...

(PCa) [TRANS] I might as well go if Aunt Luna is going spend some time venting... Hello every human! I'm Princess Cadance. It's a pleasure to be here, even if my Aunt and my former enemy are acting a bit childish... [/TRANS]

(PCe) [TRANS] Now Cadance, it's rude to snipe. [/TRANS]

** It should be noted that Subjects (PL) and (QC) have progressed from insults into a bizarre equine wrestling match of sorts.

(RE) I've seen worse at GSA budget meetings.

(PCe) [TRANS] I'm sorry about this. Recent events, as you well know, have only just now allowed us to force her into negotiations. That she would capitulate unconditionally was unexpected, but I'm afraid it hasn't made her company any more pleasant.[/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] You did NOT just pull on my mane![/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] So you'll miss a few stars! Bite me! [/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] With pleasure! [/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] AHHH! How do you even do that without fangs!? [/TRANS]

(RE) It's okay. This actually makes you all that much more relate-able. The guys back home are going to eat this up.

(PCa) [TRANS] Twilight? Can you check the translation spell? It just told me the humans were going to eat something.[/TRANS]

(TS) [TRANS] Nothing's wrong. It's just a turn of phrase in English that means the humans will find this enjoyable and exciting.[/TRANS]

(PCa) [TRANS] Oh... Okay. That makes sense, I guess. [/TRANS]

(RE) I guess I should mention that humans would find the lot of you extremely cute.

(PCe) [TRANS] Cute? I'm not sure I want to come across as cute to a world of aliens. That seems like it might demean our stature, politically speaking.[/TRANS]

(TS) [TRANS] Actually it works in our favor. Humans are rather amiable and protective of creatures they find visually appealing, or 'cute' as they put it. It's actually one of the ways I've been able to keep Randy from being angry wi- oops![/TRANS]

(RE) Oh so you HAVE been taking advantage of that!

(TS) Sorry?

(RE) Gah! See?! She's doing it again. I can't stay mad at you ponies for five minutes. It makes me feel like I'm kicking a puppy. An adorable purple puppy with an IQ of three-hundred.

(TS) Uh... Woof?

(RE) Joke all you want, just remember this will last for centuries.

(PCe) [TRANS] I'm sure Twilight will come to regret her actions today soon enough. But for now, I believe we've deviated enough... Sister? [/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] HUZZAH! I WIN AGAIN! [/TRANS]

(PCe) [TRANS] Sister. Please focus. [/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] Huh? Oh, of course. GREETINGS! Citizens of the planet Earth! I am Princess Luna! Joyful is the day I can make a record of when our paths first crossed! It shall be remembered for all eternity as the day I – WHOA! [/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] Get off me! Cheating little... Are we still making the visual record thing?[/TRANS]

(PCa) [TRANS] I'm told the humans are going to love your little brawl with Aunt Luna... [/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] Oh? Love? Hmm... I can work with that. Now, allow me to show you how to properly greet a race from another world. [/TRANS]

(TS) [TRANS] Oh, this should be good... [/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] Greetings, humans of the distant world known as Earth. I am Chrysalis, queen of the changeling race. I stand before your recording device this day to- [/TRANS]

(TS) Ooo, another modification. Changers has been modified to changelings. That should-

(QC) [TRANS] -NOT GET INTERRUPTED when I'm TRYING to make a speech! Seriously, Celestia... [/TRANS]

(PCe) [TRANS] Celestial. [/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] Whatever... How do you keep your subjects organized if even your own student just interrupts one of the most politically important statements in our world's history? [/TRANS]

(PL) [TRANS] Stay thy tongue, thou who wouldst spew hypocracy! We shalt not tolerate thine own transgressions this day![/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] You're one to talk! Don't you DARE try to pretend in front of the master of pretending! [/TRANS]

** It should be noted that subject (PL) and (QC) have begun wrestling once more.

(PL) [TRANS] HEATHEN! Thou shalt submit as thou agreed! [/TRANS]

(QC) [TRANS] Nevermore, apostle of darkness! [/TRANS]

(TS) Oh dear... Randy. Princess Luna has a bit of a habit of falling into archaic speech patterns when she's angry.

(RE) Is that a problem? Sounds like Pony Shakespeare to me...

(TS) Well, I think it's confusing the vocabulary matrix for my translation spell. And this is an auto-evolving spell. If it gets overloaded by nonsense, it could collapse and I'll have to restart it from scratch. We have to shut it down until we can get Luna to calm down...

(RE) That's okay, I think we got the point across.

(PCa) [TRANS] Finished we are? [/TRANS]

(RE) Yeah, off, off now please!

(TS) Working on it... THERE!

(PL) Humay hyanoidesnee shay! Hoyweah hoodnay woi!

(QC) H'cuff woi! H'dnay heeth naylats woi hnyar!

(RE) So, translating the old fashioned way...

(TS) Eh... Best not repeated in polite company.

(PCe) Ya suapse seith sei ha eu h'nae hroff wan?

(TS) Hai, hya s'agi eu h'ra h'nai.

(RE) And that?

(TS) We're done for the moment. I guess... turn the camera off?

(RE) I guess... Wow, look at those two go.

::END OF TRANSCRIPT::


*The translation spell apparently parsed 'Mothra' as 'Moth' 'Ra', referencing Ra the sun god of ancient human culture.



MISSION LOG:
January 22nd, 2258

Tomorrow I leave. I'm going to miss them, all of them. In the last six months I've gone from simply performing a direct observation of a scientific anomaly, to performing first contact, to helping bring about peace between two races. It's strange, looking back on everything I've done, and realizing just what it is that really happened here. I can only imagine the ways my name is going to go down in the history books. But that doesn't matter.

In contrast, my achievements are overshadowed by a silly, adorable, insanely smart creature I feel proud to call my friend. Sure, she went a little too far sometimes, but I have to admit, she made up for it every time.

Her friends too, I'd like to call my friends. Despite how strange I must have been to them, they tried their hardest to make me feel welcome... Each with their own quirks.

Their rulers, friendly as their subjects. Patient to a fault, if equally silly sometimes. I truly hope, sans using a star as a cudgel, that their influence can reach some of the blockheads running things back home.

There are still many questions on this world that need answers. Why are they here? Why is this world so much like it stepped out of our own fantasy stories? What turned this star system into a precariously balanced piece of celestial clockwork?

These and more, I hope to address on my next trip here. Because I already know I'm coming back. We'll be back, with an entire team of the finest experts the world has to offer.

And from there? Who knows.

In the morning I'm going to get up, hug all my equine friends (and give Twilight one of the backup computers, she's earned it), do my final checks, and return to the Arrow. Information upload is on nonstop now, and the Arrow's automatic return program has already been set for the thirtieth. It'll be a long, lonely trip home, but that's okay. I have memories of adorable smiles to keep me company.

Captain Randolph Edwards

Orbital flight control avionics specialist

Earth Global Space Agency






AUTOMATED ENTRY:
January 23rd, 2258
ARROW CLASS LONG RANGE INDUSTRIAL FREIGHTER ANOMALY REPORT

:: DATALINKED VESSEL DISTRESS DETECTED

VEHICLE INFORMATION: XR-2 Surface-to-Orbit Personnel Transport, ID 8XG589 'Ravenstar'

STATUS: In Flight/Distressed

- TELEMETRY LOGGED

- ANOMALY REPORTED: Master Alarm

- ANOMALY REPORTED: Engine performance outside envelope

- ANOMALY REPORTED: Avionics safety threshold exceeded

- ANOMALY REPORTED: Electrical anomaly, BUS A under volt

:: SIGNAL INTERRUPTED: Attempting Reconnect...

:: RECONNECT FAILURE: Retry 1... TIMEOUT 30 SEC

:: RECONNECT FAILURE: Retry 2... TIMEOUT 30 SEC

:: RECONNECT FAILURE: Retry 3... TIMEOUT 30 SEC

::RECONNECTION FAILURE: SIGNAL LOST

LAST VEHICLE STATUS: In Flight/Distressed

END OF REPORT
END OF ENTRY

Author's Note:

If you're in mental shock at that last entry, hold those feels and keep going.