//------------------------------//
// Bonus: Jumping the Goddamn Shark (Meta) 
// Story: My Roommate is a Vampire 
// by Dennis the Menace 
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Once upon a time there was this Earth pony who played a cello, which is totally lame in every aspect, not to mention that Earth ponies pretty much suck. Anyways, this Earth pony was named Octavia, who was seen like, for maybe five seconds on screen for her cameo and then people got the idea that, "Hey, wait a minute. She's a musician, that wicked cool DJ-Pon3 is a musician, therefore, they should both be lesbians!" 

So one day Octavia was like, "My life sucks and my parents don't love me so I'm just going to move in with this DJ because I'm poor and my special talent sucks."

AND SO IT WAS that she moved in with this DJ because she was poor and nopony liked her and she sucked. But then all of a sudden out of nowhere somewhere in between the lines at the bottom of the page in the fine print written in invisible ink Octavia started liking Vinyl Scratch because Vinyl Scratch was cool and wore awesome purple glasses and had a sexy mane that was spiky and blue. But since there would be no plot if Octavia suddenly just, I don't know, confessed her love to the mare because obviously Vinyl Scratch is about a subtle as a goddamn hippo painted in neon colors with Princess Celestia riding on its back wielding a sword when it came to Octavia because Vinyl Scratch also loved Octavia! 

But then there was more problems because if there weren't there'd be no story so buck you Vinyl Scratch is now a vampire because logic dictates that vampires make everything cool and it attracts a good audience of Twilight fans and prepubescent girls. Octavia suspects something because she has no life and starts thinking, "Maybe Vinyl Scratch is a vampire!" 

DUN DUN DUN.

So then after a whole bunch of plot Octavia comes to the conclusion that Vinyl Scratch is a vampire because if the author tried to stretch it out any longer it would become boring because we all know everyone is there to read the good stuff:

VAMPIRE PONY SEX.

So then Vinyl Scratch bit Octavia on accident and she was very very sorry. 

"Oh Octavia I am sorry I just bit you." 

Octavia was still bleeding but that was okay because she was losing lots of blood and it was getting all over the bed and she said, "It is okay Vinyl I still love you."

"I love you too."

"Okay let's be lesbians."

"K." 

But then there was another problem because parents. And parents don't like Octavia being gay because lesbians. And because parents Vinyl now has excuse to punch the living shit out of Octavia's mom because she is badass. 

In any case the story should have ended by now because all problems are solved and we all know that Vinyl Scratch is a vampire except the author wanted BAYSPLOSIONS AND ACTION AND HOOF FIGHTS SO HE MADE OCTAVIA A WEREWOLF SHIT NOT A WEREWOLF I MEAN A WEREPONY WAIT NO LYCAN NOW OCTAVIA IS WHINY EMO BITCH.

Oh no now the story sucks the shark has been jumped because now there are wolves. Bitch you wanna see jumping a shark? I'll jump over goddamn Jaws with a jump rope while singing Winter Wrap Up on a motorcycle riding down a ramp from the top of the moon!

"I'M LYCAN THIS IDEA."

THE AUTHOR IS ON CRUISE CONTROL AND CAN'T STOP okay keyboard fixed anyways because BAYSPLOSIONS we move on and skip past everything which happens to include breaking into a bank, blowing more things up, gunfights, slow motion, club music, and druuuuuuugs. 

In the end everypony is happy and the sun is singing and the birds are shining and the flowers are burning and everything is okay because now Octavia and Vinyl can love each other and make out sloppily with lots of tongue action and then everybody is satisfied because they finally got their VAMPIRE PONY SEX EXCEPT WITH A LYCAN THROWN INTO THE MIX OH GOD HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK WATCH OUT FOR THE TEETH

And that's how things would have gone if this were a vampire romance. Happy?