• Published 6th Jan 2016
  • 4,218 Views, 2,675 Comments

What If... - TheMajorTechie

A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions.

  • ...

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TheMajorTechie was sent into Equestria?

Author's Note:

Gosh darnit Zapper frost, I should've seen this coming.

But... did you see this coming? :trixieshiftright:

I fell to the ground with a heavy thud. Groaning, I pushed myself up, spitting dirt and grass from my mouth as I tried to make sense of my surroundings. Moments prior, I had been peacefully at my desk, typing horsewords for all to see.

Now? I guess I'm in those same horsewords... I guess.

Well, doesn't hurt to start bringing in the cliches at this point, eh?

Dark Lord of Bad Feelings and Great Power TheMajorTechie, a black and red alicorn of immense power (stronger than all the ponies of Equestria combined + Discord + Tirek + the entire nuclear arsenal of the world!), emerged from the shadows.

Immediately, he was rushed by every mare in Equestria because all the mares wanted to go out on a date with the big ol' edgy doofus of an edgelord alicorn from some obscure fanfic writer. He was very much tipping his (nonexistent) fedora at those same mares, making even more of an idiot out of himself.

"oh nO THeRE IS bIg MonSTEr HeRE it WiLl eat us AlL!" the most beautiful mares of all (that's the Mane Six, don't forget!) collectively screamed, being all helpless and stuff because this was actually probably some sort of power fantasy gone wrong that was stolen from the innards of a fanfiction site, "themAjORTEcHie, savE Us!"

TheMajorTechie, that darned black and red alicorn of death, destruction, and all that was darkness and gloomy, suddenly appeared beside the mares, who were all actually pretty anthro horse girls who all looked hot and stuff because they looked kinda like human girls too but not like Equestria girls but yeah so they were all afraid and tied up. TheMajorTechie pulled out his mega-energy-katana of darkness, complete with its hardened core of emotional dread.

"YAAaAaaaaAAAaay!" all the pretty girls yelled as TheMajorTechie cut the ropes off of them because it's not like any of them actually had the capability to do that themselves, amirite? and turned back around to find his greatest enemy yet: Mister Sir Commander General Doctor Robotnik of the Sonic universe, who was after the chaos emeralds that were actually hidden inside of TheMajorTechie all this time.

The evil doctor grinned and pulled out a picture of him slapping Sonic in the face and running away laughing to prove that he was the most powerful out of all the Sonic OCs and so now he was here to claim his prize which was the chaos emeralds.

"No!" TheMajorTechie boomed in a deep, manly voice of manliness that sounded like a cross between He-Man and a bleating goat, "These are my pretties and you will go away and not have them because you're mean and stuff!"

"No i WILl nOt GO Away BEcauSE yOU aRe NoW mY SwoRn EneMy Since yOU haVe a LOT Of pReTtY gIrlS AroUNd yOu And I WAnt SOMe PrettY GirLs to be ARoUnd me tOO SO THaT thEn I Don'T fEEL sad AnD tHings lIKe That!"

"Oh okay," TheMajorTechie smirked, "Then I have to kill you instead."

"thANK YOu fOr enDing thIS painful lIfE Of livInG In This tRainwReCK GarBaGE fire of A StoRY THaT NeveR shOULD'VE been WRIttEn!"

TheMajorTechie lowered TheMajorTechie's TheMajorTechie katana, smirking more because double smirks make you look mysterious. "On the other hand... what if I don't?"

"tHeN I'm sad."

And so TheMajorTechie yeeted Doctor Robotnik out the window of the heavily guarded fortress of you're dead to me now and started his new 'friend group' of pretty mares.

Also, he ate the chaos emeralds and got even more power because of it.

THE NEXT DAY-----------------------------------------------------

TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because the best character to ever exist had to go for a little bit of time.

Also, Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave for a few hours. They honored him with a big green wreath of big money paper and replaced all the doorknobs with pictures of TheMajorTechie's face because he was da way for all the ponies who had to use doors. Celestia and Luna were so sad that they permanently turned their cutie marks into cool silhouette tattoos of TheMajorTechie the alicorn of power so that they could remember him forever and ever.

And then TheMajorTechie came back after a few hours and everypony was happy again because they just barely made a religion about him and were making enchanted breadcrabs to worship him and stuff. TheMajorTechie shook his head because he disapproved of this process because they were using the evil stale sourdough bread that he left on top of the fridge that doesn't actually exist but does because this is a story. He held out his hand because even though he is an alicorn the entire world is actually anthro and he is a half alicorn anthro half human hybrid and zapped all the bread into the yummy honey glazed multigrain bread that he liked. The enchanted breadcrabs started to do the crab rave dance except it was in fortnite because TheMajorTechie was thinking about how annoying it was that his favorite youtubers were now doing fortnite instead of minecraft and stuff and so TheMajorTechie was even more annoyed than before.

TheMajorTechie sat on his golden (but still black and red) throne of awesomeness because he was the awesomest alicorn there ever was and there around him was the mane six but now they were all wearing even prettier clothes. This was the best thing for him ever.

The author woke up from his writing-induced coma and screamed.

The end.

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