What If...

by TheMajorTechie

First published

A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions.

What would happen if Sweetie Belle became a tyrannical giraffe hellbent on destroying all that was shorter than her?

How 'bout Equestria being ruled by literal potatoes?

Ever wanted to see an author clawing at his remaining shreds of sanity at two in the morning, trying to figure out what the actual heck he's writing?

Well, guess what? This is the story for ya! :raritywink:


Suggestions for chapters are open, but remember to leave space for others! Keep in mind that I decide whether or not to use idea suggestions, and if you want a crossover, or are asking something about the show itself, then check this big ol' Twilight-grade list first!

Supplemental: List of things I actually know enough about to write chapters for in this story

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List subject to updates and additions. Entries on these lists are in no particular order.

Also, commentary!

I'ma do it.

Generally not recommended for writing chapters about. There's a good chance I won't write a suggestion based on these simply because I have very little knowledge of them or am simply disinterested.

I have had practically no gaming life outside of casual games, and even then I still have no gaming life. Also, yeah, I don't watch very many things either. I just binge through an entire show and stop at that in most cases, and that's when I even watch something in the first place. AKA I have near-0 experience in any of these.

Disclaimer: suggestions still must follow site rules, and suggestions that would potentially push the story above its "E" rating must be discussed before I use them. Other than that, happy reading! :pinkiehappy:

What if...

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After many years of studying in the Royal Canterlot Archives, Twilight finally closed the cover of the final book. She set her head down gently, and sighed, "Finally, the last book." She got up, and pushed her chair in.

A few minutes later, she stepped outside. It had been weeks since she had seen the sun, let alone feel the cool breeze blow through her mane. She smiled as the warm rays of sunlight struck her full in the face, gradually warming her from the inside out. She opened her eyes and began to walk back home.

On the way towards the train station, it hit her; She now had absolutely nothing left to do.

~~~~~===+++{Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~

Twilight burst through the door, panting heavily. "SPIKE!" She yelled, her voice echoing all around the halls. "I NEED YOU TO FIND ME SOMETHING TO DO NOW!"

It had become increasingly normal for Spike to hear Twilight slam the door open and yell something, and so he simply hopped down the stairs, comic book still in hand. "What do you want to do, specifically?" He asked, half-reading a particularly humorous section of his book.

Twilight continued shouting, "ANYTHING, PLEASE! I JUST WANT SOMETHING TO DO!!!"

Spike looked around. "Uh, maybe try reading a book?"

Twilight shook her head frantically. "No, no more books, I've already read them all."

They both sat quiet for a few minutes, thinking of things that Twilight could do without having to give up her royal duties as the Princess of Friendship. Finally, Spike spoke up. "Maybe instead of reading a book..." Twilight's attention immediately became focused on Spike, and only Spike. "... you could try writing a book."

Twilight gasped. "Thanks, Spike! I never even considered thinking about that!" She paused for a moment. "... but what should I write about?"

For hours, Twilight sat in the corner of her bedroom, staring out the window overlooking Ponyville. She thought of the CMC and the adventures they had, her friends, the battles she had fought, they all seemed like good candidates to write a story on, but at the same time, she knew that many areas would become colorless and boring. At last, a stray thought wandered into her mind. She began to whisper to herself.

"What if..."

Starlight Glimmer never held a grudge?

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Twilight set the tip of her pen down on the blank parchment and began scrawling on the paper.

What would my life be like if Starlight Glimmer never came back for revenge?

~~~o~~~

Starlight Glimmer watched from the chilling hillsides. She never thought that she could feel so wrong, stealing cutie marks from innocent ponies she had lured for years. Her head dipped low as she thought of her past actions, her intents on what to do with Twilight's cutie mark. As she slowly trudged away through the cold storm, the freezing blasts of wind suddenly died down. Noticing the sudden change, Starlight's eyes slowly drifted upwards, meeting eye-to-eye with a blue pegasus with rainbow hair. Starlight jumped back in fright. "R-rainbow?!" She looked behind the pegasus, and found to her fear that it wasn't just the speedy pegasus, but all of the mane six. "What have you come back for?!" She shouted angrily, "Why do you torment my sorrow like this?!" She began sobbing, and dropped to the ground.

Twilight slowly walked towards her. "Starlight, we didn't mean to cause any hurt feelings, we just wanted to make sure you're alright. Back when we were leaving, I looked behind us, and I saw you -- you were standing up on that mountain, and I saw that you were harshly regretting your actions. It's okay, Starlight, you don't have to beat yourself up over this.

Starlight looked back up from the hole in the snow she had made, tears still shimmering in her eyes. "Really?" she asked weakly, "You really mean it?"

Twilight nodded. "It's only fair that if you have come to acknowledge your actions, then we should at least help you get back on your hooves."

Starlight paused for a moment, and suddenly, broke back out into crying. "But why? Why must you treat me so kindly, when I practically forced communism over the ponies in Our Town?!" she took a breath to stifle her sobs. "And besides, I..." her lip began trembling. "I ... I don't have any friends... and I haven't had any since I was a filly..."

Twilight nodded in empathy. "Well, if you haven't had friends for that long, than why don't you just go out there and make another?"

Starlight's facial expression slowly twisted from a sad, depressed one to a face of anger. "Do you even know HOW I lost my ONLY friend?! " She took a step towards Twilight. "Do you know?! HUH?!"

Twilight jumped back. "No, Starlight, how?"

Starlight seethed with anger. "THAN I'LL SHOW YOU HOW!!!"

~~~Flashback~~~

Her horn lit up, and suddenly, the ponies found themselves standing at a window. Twilight looked inside, Starlight standing firmly next to her. Inside, Twilight saw a young filly who looked almost exactly like Starlight, stacking books with a young colt, when suddenly, the tower of reading material began to sway. As it began to collapse, the colt saved his friend by taking hold of all the books at once, sending them all flying back to their respectful positions on the nearby shelf. After the ordeal ended, a bright light began to shine from his flank.

Starlight turned to Twilight. She spoke firmly, "This... this was how I lost my friend."

The colt was now being carried away by his family and friends, leaving a lonely and upset filly behind on the doorstep. She began to tear up, and mumbled the words, "Goodbye..."

~~~o~~~

As the scene ended, Starlight's horn stopped glowing. As it did, the mare began to tear back up. I-I remember it all... After that day, I never made another friend... I was too afraid that another cutie mark would take them away from me..."

Twilight set a hoof on Starlight's back. "It's okay, Starlight, you have us now. We can be your friends!"

Starlight's mood lifted a little. "Really?"

Twilight turned to her friends. As they nodded, Twilight spoke gently, "Yes, Starlight. you'll never be lonely again."

~~~o~~~

Twilight set down the pen and read through her work. She turned to her proofreader and friend, Starlight Glimmer. "Like it? I based it on you."

Starlight read through it. Afterwards, she looked back at Twilight, and replied, "Yeah, I like it. I kinda wish now that that's what happened instead..."

Sombra chose a better path? (Early timeline)

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After a full day's worth of mindlessly doing princess-y work related mainly to getting the nobles to stop treating each other like crap, Twilight decided to continue on her book. She picked up the pen and took out yet another blank piece of paper, until suddenly, she paused, and turned to Spike, who was sleeping on the floor. "Spike," she called, "what do you think I should write about this time?

Spike opened an eye and yawned. He then lazily answered, "I dunno, maybe something related to some recent event or something..." With that, he proceeded to flop back over and continue his slumber, letting out an occasional snore.

Twilight concentrated, and began thinking of things that had happened within the past month, remembering how Sombra was recently purified of his darkness. She sprung up, a determined expression on her face, and began writing.

~~~o~~~

It had been a week since Sombra had been miraculously saved by his only friend, Hope. He knew that there was something inside of him; something that didn't belong, something... dark...

So he decided to make it his duty to find whatever it was, and put an end to it once and for all, changing the horrible destiny he saw in the progress. He and Hope then set off on a long and grueling trip to Canterlot to address Princess Celestia herself, for not even Princess Amore had been able to do anything.

Potatoes Ruled the Earth?

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Spudlestia sighed as she swallowed another mouthful of mashed potatoes. It was all there ever was to eat nowadays, considering the fact that she was now the puppet-leader controlled by the Potato Overlords.

The good thing is, at least said Potato Overlords had vanquished all evil... by turning them into potato...

Shortly after the great potato wars, Luna had gone missing, leaving open a hole that Spudlestia had vowed to patch for years.

Luckily, that wasn't the case. Now, many years after her sister's disappearance, Luna had been found. Earlier that day, Spudlestia had secretly frozen time in order to go out on a trek to find her sister. Now, here she was, hiding in Celesti--SPUDLESTIA's sock drawer.

Sometimes, Spudlestia would wish of her days back as good ol' Princess Celestia, before the swift invasion of the potato overlords. Seeing as how they were able to take over so quickly and easily, Celestia had no other choice but to play along, and hope to not be 'potatofied' by the fiends.

The Mane Six had fallen in the same fashion as well. They too had to change each of their names, mostly out of fear. (Though in the case of Potankie, she just thought it was a game.)

Spudlestia glanced back out the window, gazing at the hundreds upon thousands of ponies tending the massive potato farm once known as Equestria. The worst thing is, they weren't even allowed to mention potatoes as a food, as that counted as heresy against the potato overlords. Instead, each and every pony had exactly three square meters to grow food in order to sustain themselves and their family.

As for Tartarus... let's just say that Tirek now hates potato.

In fact, the only being known across the land to have escaped the wrath of the potatoes, is Discord himself. Mainly because he escaped into an alternate universe where potatoes didn't rule.

But still. POTATO.

Suddenly, one of Spudlestia's top managers, Mr. Potato Head from the planet Hazboroo, stepped into the room.

"How's my nation going, Tia?"

"Don't call me Tia..." Spudlestia murmured under her breath.

"Well?"

"And FYI, this isn't your nation," she snapped, spinning around to face Potato Head.

"Aww, c'mon, Tia, now isn't the time for jokes! We've got to have our daily potato census completed by... tonight!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME TIA!!!"

Potato Head backed off, his spaghetti-like arms held in front of him as if they were the one thing keeping him from death by enraged Princess.

"Chill, Spudlestia," he said coldy, slowly backing out the door.

"I SHALL NOT 'CHILL', NOT UNLESS I SEE MY SISTER! NOT UNLESS EQUESTRIA'S FREED FROM YOUR TYRANNICAL GRASP!"

By the time Spudlestia had finished, Potato Head was nowhere to be seen.

Luna peeked her head from Celestia's dresser drawer.

"Is the potato man gone?"

Spudlestia nodded, still glaring in the spot that Potato Head had been.

At least Luna's still here... she thought, remembering the time she stumbled across Luna during the few seconds she froze the universe to search for her sister.

Luna smiled gently, and disappeared back into the sea of socks.

Spudlestia finally dropped her glare, and walked towards her paper-cloaked desk.

She shuffled through the various documents and treaties, until she found the article she had been searching for.

A declaration of war.

Smartphones Existed in Equestria?

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"Spike, could you hand me that stylus? My hooves are aching from all this tapping."

Spike didn't say a word, his eyes trained on the next swarm of enemies entering his screen.

"Spike?" Twilight called once more, taking her eyes off her current battle for a split second.

During that split second, "YOU LOST." suddenly zoomed up onto the screen, indicating Twilight's failure.

"DARNIT, SPIKE, YOU MADE ME LOSE!"

Spike rolled his eyes, and tossed the thin stick of metal and plastic at Twilight. He immediately unpaused the game and continued playing, ignoring the fact that said pen had just smacked Twilight on the horn.


"You're doing great! Keep up the good work!" A semi-robotic voice called, echoing through the barren room.

Rarity sat at the very center, her wary eyes trained on the digital tapestries.

"Got... to... loop... more..." she said weakly, grunting as she lifted her chapped hoof to the screen.

As for the reason why the room was completely bare of really any sort of physical objects, Rarity had sold a large portion of her personal possessions in order to buy out the largest shareholding stake in a phone case manufacturer. That was yesterday.

For now, she sat alone in the room, patiently waiting for the profits to roll in as she practiced her sewing on the device.

Downstairs, Sweetie bell sat dumbfounded, staring at the screen of her electronic gadget.

On said screen was an "Undersea Cooking" app, and she had somehow managed to once again, set everything on fire. Phone included.


"YEAH! TAKE THAT, BI--"

Fluttershy was cut off by a smack across the face from Angel bunny, who was impatiently tapping his furry foot on Fluttershy's dirty floor.

"Oh, I'm sorry... did I forget to feed you again?"

Angel nodded angrily, followed by a wave of unhappy murmurs from the rest of the animals.

Fluttershy smiled, and tapped on the screen again.

"There's an app for that..."

Suddenly, the clicking sound of automated food dispensers echoed throughout the room, followed by the rampant scurrying of hundreds of animals scrambling to get their fill.

Fluttershy switched the screen back over to O&O Online, taking her back into her fantasy world as "Cuttershy the Vile".


Rainbow Dash flew into a tree. Again. She had been completely oblivious of all the "no texting and flying" signs put up about the town, and a few times, even flew into them herself.

She didn't care, anyways. It was just, what, twenty, thirty or so bruises on top of each other? All that mattered was that she kept up her win-streak. Currently, she was fighting a really feisty opponent, one who she swore she had fought before... if she just remembered when.

Her train of thought was cut off as she collided with a certain wall-eyed mare, causing both their devices to drop to the ground.

Derpy flew down first to pick up the devices, Rainbow speeding past her.

"Wait..." Rainbow began, glancing between the two screens after catching the phones, "you're MuffinCake37?!"

Derpy chuckled nervously, reaching out to take her smartphone back from Rainbow.

"NOPE!" Rainbow hissed, flying backwards into a lightpole, "I'ma beat you first!"


Applejack whistled cheerfully as she collected her crops. Meanwhile, the apples lay rotting, strewn about the ground. Applebloom trotted up besides her sister, peering over the screen.

"C'mon, sis," she whined, "can't you at least share a few friend-boxes?"

Applejack facehoofed slowly.

"Nah, Bloom, ya know that them boxes're friend boxes, not family boxes, ok?!"

Applebloom took her hoof off the top bezel of the tablet, and trudged away.

Big Mac and Granny Smith eyed each other with steely glares, halfway through their heated Blackjack match.

"I win!" Granny Smith shouted suddenly, throwing her tablet up in the air.

"Ehhh, catch!" Big Mac yelped, lunging for the flying hunk of metal and glass.

All to no avail, however, as said hunk of metal and glass was now a very dented hunk of metal and cracked glass.

"Aww, shucks... that's the third tablet ya chucked there, granny..." Applebloom said as she watched the scene.


"Party here, party there, some balloons over there with the punch..." Pinkie murmured, her tongue sticking out cutely as she stared at the glowing screen.

Gummy blinked once.

"Come on, Gummy, it's not that bad, is it?"

Gummy stared silently, his mind taken away to a universe in which he was currently chewing on his own tail as he saved the universe.

"It is, isn't it?!" Pinkie hollered, tears streaming down her face.

"THOSE HATERS ARE RIGHT, GUMMY, I'M A FAILURE AT PARTIES!!!"

Gummy licked one of his eyeballs.

"Really? It's... good?"

Gummy continued his unending gaze, searching Pinkie's soul for the answer to life.

"42?" Pinkie suddenly blurted, "What does the secret of life and the universe have to do with party planning?"

Gummy yawned, intent with his findings. Tomorrow, he'll search the infinite wealth of information known as "the internet" for more clues, in order to complete his quest to find true love with the plushy from the mirror world.

Pinkie continued frantically tapping and dragging her hooves across the oily screen.

"Thanks for the motivation, Gummy! Now I'ma beat all the high scores!"


"SISTER," Luna yelled as she stormed into Celestia's bedroom, "I DEMAND THEE SACRED CHARGER FOR OUR GLORIOUS CONQUEST!"

Celestia raised a brow, looking up from the "Ruling a Nation for Dummies" e-book she had been reading.

Luna held up her high-end tablet, it's tiny battery indicator blinking rapidly in a blinding red.

Celestia sighed, and tossed the thin cord at her sister.

"Here, just... take it. I can always grab more from the mirror world..."


~~~{Meanwhile, in the Mirror World...}~~~

Flim checked his clipboard, rubbing his forehead in confusion.

"Flam, isn't there supposed to be three truckfuls of phones and tablets in this warehouse?"

Flam shrugged, and sipped his steaming "#1 Entrepreneur" mug.

Rainbow and Rarity Switched Species?

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Rainbow awoke with a yawn, light, fluffy bubbles escaping her flaplike mouth.

Wait, that can't be right, she thought, watching the bubbles rise. I'm a pony, not a--

Then, it struck her. She was a trout. A Rainbow Trout.

"Huh," she mumbled as she swam about in the lake, "not too shabby, either. This'll be just like flying!"


Rainbow flew through the air-- or at least, as close as jumping out of the water can be to flying.

That is, until she landed head-first into a net.

"GOT'ER!" Pinkie shouted happily as she waved the net with the struggling Rainbow Dash in front of Twilight.

"Good," Twilight replied, "now we can change her back."

A quick flash of light later, and Rainbow Dash was back to normal, albeit quite wet.


The sound of Rarity's scream echoed throughout all of Ponyville.

"WHAT. AM. I?!" She yelled, tossing her mirror with a hand.

Sweetie Bell arrived quickly, her mouth agape at the monstrosity in front of her.

Two legs, two dangly-front leg things with tiny flesh tentacles, a weird placement of... uh, milk jugs, and to top it off, where are her muzzle and ears?!

Rarity frantically ran back towards the cracked mirror, stumbling horrendously as she did so. The only thing that kept her from hurting her behind was a soft, almost velvety robe that she had woken up in.

She touched her face with her finger, shrieking once again at the realization that she had said fingers.

"WHAT ARE THESE?!" She shouted once again, glaring at her wriggling fingers.

"WHATARETHOO--" She began again as she pointed at her feet, only to be cut off by Twilight's hoof.

"Stop it, Rarity. You're human."

"Oh, human, you say?" Rarity suddenly replied in a surprisingly calm manner, "Well, then this actually isn't all that bad! These... uh, hands that I have now will greatly enhance my dexterity, allowing me to sew at a much high--"

Rarity was cut off once again, only this time by a projectile Lyra.

"Ohmygoshit'sahuman!" She suddenly blurted, grabbing Rarity by the arm, "Where'd you get her, Twilight? I want my own human too!"

Twilight facehoofed.

"That's Rarity, Lyra. I was just about to change her back."

Rarity sat down, Lyra still clinging fiercely to her arm.

"Well, if you're gonna change me back, then how did we change in the first place?"

Twilight nervously glanced at her hooves, then towards Rainbow Dash, then Rarity again.

"I sneezed on the Cutie Map while casting a transmutation spell."

Gummy Could Talk?

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Pinkie cartwheeled into her room, happy as ever.

"Hey, Gummy! What's up?"

Surprisingly, the not-so-toothless alligator replied, "Everything... the sun, the sky, the moon, the stars... it all comes down to perspective..."

"Woah, uh, Gummy? Is that really you?"

Gummy replied with his gravelly, lightly accented voice.

"Yes, dear Pinkie. It is I, the one and only Gummy."

"So you can speak now?" Pinkie said excitedly, "We can talk about everything now!"

"Ah, but you may have underestimated me, Pinkamena. You are not the only one of us."

Pinkie narrowed her eyes.

"Who's... us?"

Gummy turned to gaze out the window with his unblinking eyes.

"We are the strange, the random, the oddballs... we're the leftovers."

"Leftovers of what?" Pinkie replied, sitting beside Gummy.

"Why, from the initial distribution of magical energy, of course. Why do you think you have so much... power?" Gummy answered, averting his gaze into Pinkie's eyes.

"I-I never thought of myself like that before..."

"Indeed, Pinkamena. During the initial distribution, your bloodline in particular was chosen as one of the last to receive their powers, and as such, the odds and ends of magical abilities were channeled into your very minds and hearts. For generations, my own kind has searched for another leftover, or even a family of said leftovers."

"So what? You'll always be my Gummy!"

"So what? SO WHAT?!" Gummy suddenly shouted with his tiny mouth, startling Pinkie, "We are the ones in control of the type of magic known as the 'odd type'. We are the only ones with powers that surpass buckin' alicorns. Heck, even DISCORD doesn't know of the power we hold..."

Pinkie's eyes widened dramatically just as Twilight burst in through the doors, her coat and mane smoking.

"What happened, Twilight?!" Pinkie gasped as she turned to the singed alicorn.

Twilight winced as she stepped using an injured hoof.

"I... I don't know... it just happened so quickly... the buzz, the fires, the explosions..."

"It seems to me like you have estranged yourself from the ties of magic itself." Gummy said with a deadpan stare.

"Wait, Gummy can talk?!" Twilight suddenly said.

"I have kept my speech a secret for a great many eons. I have decided that now is the time for the revealing of our kind."

Twilight cocked her head.

"What do you mean, our kind?"

"Me and Gummy!" Pinkie replied, hugging the alligator closely.

"But now that I have revealed the secret, I must leave. I am terribly sorry, Pinkamena, my good friend. We must never see each other again."

Gummy shot a laser from his mouth, from which grew into a small alligator-sized portal.

"Fare thee well, dear Pinkamena!" Gummy shouted back as he began to fade from existence.

In an anticlimactic puff of smoke, Gummy was gone. In his place was another alligator, who strangely looked exactly like Gummy.

"Gummy?" Pinkie asked as she began poking the tiny alligator with her hoof, "Is that... you?"

The Gummy Pinkie was poking licked his eyeball, and flopped onto his back.

Rarity and Fluttershy were both stallions?

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"..."

Rarity stood for minutes, staring at his own reflection in the mirror. Suddenly, he burst out screaming.

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---"

Pinkie emerged from the mirror, stuffing a cupcake into Rarity's mouth.

"Hey Rares, this here's a kids' show, remember?!" She snapped angrily before disappearing back into the mirror.

Sweetie Belle burst from the door leading to Rarity's room.

"WHAT IS IT?!" She shouted in a panicked voice, "WHERE'S THE FIRE?!"

She froze the moment she saw her new brother.

"Rarity?" Sweetie asked, "Is... is that you?"

Rarity solemnly nodded. "Yes, Sweetie," he replied, "it appears that I've... genderswapped overnight..."

"Now how could that happen?!" Sweetie suddenly snapped, pointing at Rarity, "How can I know for sure that you're really you?!"

Rarity raised an eyebrow, and turned around. Three minutes later, a fully-dressed mannequin sat in front of Sweetie Belle.

"Ok! You're my sister! I'm out!" Sweetie yelled behind her back as she escaped the room.


Fluttershy yawned, stretching as the first golden rays of sunlight flowing freely through his drawn drapes.

Unfortunately, that yawn also sounded like a dying hippo.

Immediately, the room was filled with the sound of stampeding animals, many of which trampled directly over Angel as they made their frantic escape from the hypothetical hippo.

"Oh?" Fluttershy suddenly said, watching the animals scamper off in fear.

"Oh." He said once more, noticing the unexpected deepness in her voice.

Rainbow Dash suddenly burst through Fluttershy's door, her eyes trained on Fluttershy... until she noticed that Fluttershy was now Flutterguy.

"What the buck happened to you?" Rainbow asked as she walked closer to Fluttershy. From top to bottom, Fluttershy still looked like ... well, Fluttershy. But on top of that, He looked quite a bit more... male.

Fluttershy shrugged.

"I really don't know," he replied, watching his reflection in the window, "all I know is that I woke up, and I suddenly realized that I was now a stallion."

Rainbow Dash raised a brow, a devilish grin spreading across her face.

"May I see your... equi--"

A loud flesh-on-hoof sound suddenly resounded through the cottage as Pinkie shot through the air, her hoof smacking directly into Dash's cheek.

"FOR KIDS!" Pinkie hollered in Dash's face, and disappeared in a puff of cotton candy.

Silence fell over the room, until Pinkie suddenly appeared again, this time riding on a certain flattened bunny named Angel.

"Also," Pinkie began, holding up a bottle, "drink this."

"What is it?" Fluttershy asked, eyeing the bottle warily.

Rainbow Dash didn't say anything because she was still unconscious on the floor.

"It's a potion that I made to reverse the effects of RSMS!"

Fluttershy took the bottle, reading the label carefully.

"Random... Sudden... Masculinity Disorder?!"

"Yeah!" Pinkie cheered, "It's this weird thing that Discord made up before he was reformed! I found the synthesized pathogens in his space-station basement, so I took it! But... the box fell out of my hooves and broke in your and Rarity's tea during one of my parties... at least Rarity also got a bottle of this now..."

Fluttershy gasped, and immediately chugged the contents of the bottle.

In a flash of light, she was herself again.

Rainbow Dash woke up as well, but that doesn't really matter because she had no idea what just happened.

:pinkiecrazy: AND SHE'LL NEVER KNOW NO MATTER WHAT!

Oh crap, Pinkamena's possessed my keyboard again.

Also, don't ask why Discord has a basement in space, or how Pinkie got to it. It's freakin' Discord and Pinkie.

Pinkie Pie became an alicorn?

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Pinkie Pie awoke with a jolt. Something felt... off. She couldn't put a hoof on it, but she knew that there was something different. She continued about her morning, completely ignoring the fact that she now had both a horn and wings.

"Why, good morning, Pinki-" Mrs. Cake began before noticing the obviously pink horn and wings that accompanied the mare.

"Whaddaya staring at?" Pinkie cheerfully asked, turning to follow Mrs. Cake's line of sight. Then, she saw the wings.

"Ooh! Yay! I can fly now! Just like how I imagined, too!" She squealed, flipping head over hoof.

Mrs. Cake warily eyed the pink alicorn as she hovered about the room, upside-down.

"Pinkie, you're... an alicorn."

Pinkie shrugged. "So?" She replied as she continued hovering.

"So... you're practically a goddess now."

Pinkie shrugged again. "So? Why am I an alicorn, anyways? I'm fine just how I am..."

"I believe I can answer that," Celestia added as she walked into the room.

"Really?!" Pinkie replied, bumping into Celestia with her tail, "That'll be great!"

"But don't forget, Pinkie, with great power comes great responsi--"

Pinkie took off in a blazing ball of pink fuzz. She proceeded to do an upside-down backwards triple rainboom as she left the building through an open window. Soaring through the light clouds, Pinkie couldn't help but shape a few of them... or all of them, into various inane shapes and patterns. By the time she was finished, she had carefully sculpted the entirety of Ponyville using nothing but clouds.

And then she sneezed.

All at once, the clouds scattered, and not only that, but as she had been an Earth Pony just a day ago, she had absolutely no control over her newfound magical abilities. A blinding bolt of energy shot from her horn, creating a rift in the space-time continuum. From said rift fell an earth pony, of whom looked very much like Rainbow Dash... except she was Rainbow Dash, but from a different time.

In fact, said Rainbow Dash was from an entirely different evolutionary period of ponies. Her mane was much clumpier, and her muzzle was... weird.

Pinkie gasped, and immediately dove after the shocked mare that had fallen from the portal.

"GOTCHA!" She yelled as she caught hold of the pony.

A crowd had gathered in Ponyville's town square from all the commotion. Rainbow Dash, at least, the pegasus one, sped up to the pink alicorn.

"Pinkie!" She exclaimed, pointing at the now unconscious mare in the alicorn's grasp, "What is that thing?!"

"NEANDERTHAL!"Twilight exclaimed the moment her eyes caught a glimpse of the pony.

"Calm yourself, Twilight," Celestia said softly as she landed beside the Princess of Friendship, "This may be quite a... strange event we'll be witnessing..."

Pinkie set the rainbow-maned earth pony on the ground. The mare's chest rose and fell softly to the rhythm of her gentle breathing. Suddenly, she jerked her eyes open.

"W-where am I?!" She suddenly yelled, startling everypony watching. Her eyes nervously darted about, taking in the unfamiliar form of the modern pony. "Who are you?" she followed, slowly backing from the mass of the crowd.

"I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie hollered as she hovering gently, her tail flopping over her face.

"...Pinkie Pie?" The strange pony questioned, warily eyeing Pinkie, "Do I know you... darling?"

"What, do you think you're Rarity or something?" Rainbow asked, raising a brow as she trotted closer to the mare, "I mean, you've got the accent and all, but..."

"That thing is most certainly not me!" Rarity angrily replied, stomping up behind Rainbow.

"Wait, wait, wait..." The pony suddenly blurted, waving her hooves in front of her, "So, this pony here with wings and a horn's Pinkie Pie?!"

Celestia stepped up from the crowd.

"Well, yes," Celestia replied, her towering form looming over the now-cowering earth pony, "You did not know?"

The pony shrugged.

"The Pinkie Pie I know isn't so... hyperactive, nor is her mane darker than her coat..."

"You mean this Pinkie Pie?!" Pinkie exclaimed, pulling her ancestor from another rift in time.

"...Yes, darling, that Pinkie Pie."

"Hey, I, uh... never really caught your name back there," Rainbow said as she shuffled past Rarity towards the strange mare.

"I'm Rainbow Dash, darling. I care quite a bit about my fashion choices. In fact, this... Rarity that you speak of, does she too have a strong taste for fashion?"

Rainbow Dash-- the pegasus one, mind you-- stared at her counterpart with a deadpan glare.

"Are you bucking kidding me?"

"Now now, darling, we mustn't be uttering such words, and in fact, you actually look quite similar to myself."

"ARGH!" Rainbow screamed, flying off, "PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT RELATED TO THAT BUCKIN' PONY!"

The alicorn Pinkie Pie snatched a notepad from her mane, and a pencil from her ancestor's mane. She quickly scribbled down several notes, deep in thought, until her head popped up at breakneck speed.

"You are, Rainbow! She's your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother on your mom's side!"

"Wha-- how..." Twilight began muttering as she grabbed the notepad from Pinkie's hooves, "SINCE WHEN DID YOU KNOW HOW TO TRACE ANCESTRAL TRAITS USING NOTHING BUT STRAIGHT-UP OBSERVATIONS?!"

"I didn't! Pinkie replied, her grin beaming brightly, "I just left a clone of myself to do that while I double checked it's work by traveling through time!"

Rainbow Dash's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother grimaced as her mind failed on several levels to process just the concept of time travel.

"And now, let's bring you back before we start a bigger paradox than what I've been looking at!"

In a blinding flash of light, the ancestors of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were gone.

Hi!

OH GOD, PINKIE, JUST STOP BREAKING INTO MY STOR--

*Muffled clattering laptop noises*

Luna played Goat Simulator?

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Celestia warily eyed Luna. The mare had been sitting in front of the TV playing some sort of goat-related game for the past six hours.

Luna, with a devious grin, had gathered a large pile of what were apparently called "cars", "trucks", "tankers", and whatever else looked the sort, and was now standing motionlessly-- a goat, atop the pile of junk.

The room was silent now, but said silence was quickly wiped away when Luna pressed a single button. The entire room was suddenly filled with loud explosion noises, and combined with the screams of virtual people, as well as the raining debris clattering around the in-game goat, Celestia now swore that she had felt a trickle of blood run down her ears.

The EQG Main 6 came to Equestria?

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A ball of rather disgruntled ponies landed on the cold floor in front of the mirror portal. If it weren't for the fact that Rainbow had decided to tackle her friends, then none of this would've happened.

But she did tackle them, and they all tumbled in. So... yeah.

Pinkie was the first to untangle herself from the entangled mess of legs, casually brushing herself off as if nothing had happened. As for the rest... let's just say that they were doing amazing impressions of panicked slugs.

"Girls?" Called a voice outside the room. The door opened, and Princess Twilight entered, finding herself facing the former humans.

The lavender unicorn at the bottom of the pile, of whom happened to share a name with the Princess, stared wide-eyed in shock.

While the two lavender mares suddenly locked into a stare-off, Rainbow Dash, who had already been used to wings before, began hovering overhead after giving up on trying to walk. Fluttershy followed after, while Pinkie...

Let's just say that Pinkie using her fluffy tail in a very similar fashion to a certain Sonic character. Specifically, she was now a ponycopter.

"'Sup, Twi?" Rainbow suddenly asked, acting as if the incident had never occurred.

"You are," Princess Twilight replied. At least, that's what she would've replied with if it weren't for the fact that the pony counterparts to the former humans in the room had randomly barged in.

Immediately, the unicorn Twilight's brain short circuited, leaving her a bumbling mess that endlessly babbled about paradoxes and alternate universes. Princess Twilight proceeded to sent the unicorn back through the portal before she could 'experiment' with anything.

As for the rest of the former humans, both Pinkie Pies came up with the brilliant idea of using name tags until the confusion ended. It was either that, or just boot everyone back through the portal. Most of the ponies agreed, and many began shuffling back through the portal as their counterpart stayed behind.

The only problem is: Who's the human Rainbow Dash?

Fluttershy was the Princess of Animals?

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Fluttershy, the newly crowned Princess and Protector of Animals, was having a pretty nice day. In fact, her day was by far likely the best day that she had had ever since she got her cutie mark. That is, until she saw a couple of young colts torturing an injured squirrel.

Obviously, for the sake of having someone familiar on-scene, those two colts were Snips and Snails.

And the squirrel in particular was not happy about the fact that the two were currently juggling it.

"PUT HIM DOWN!" Fluttershy yelled, her newfound horn flaring in a bright green aura.

Snips shook his head, and continued cheering on his friend, who was now imitating an Apache helicopter using the squirrel.

Fluttershy murmured something under her breath that vaguely sounded like "Cthulhu, I summon thee, smite these two unicorns."

Long story short, the two unicorns never dared to touch an animal again. Likely due to the fact that they had come face to face with Cthulhu. And maybe because Fluttershy used her alicorn magic-boosted stare.

Something.

Sunset Shimmer was a pro hacker?

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Many have asked how I earn money without a job. Quite a few have wondered about my ability to fake emails and texts to others without stealing an identity. Though, nobody has yet to simply confront me and question, "How in the world did you even get into high school?"

The answer to all those is, to put it in an easier phrasing, is that I know my ways around technology.

Think about it for a moment. How would a unicorn from another world be able to figure out technology? It's easy, once you get around the roadblocks. They hang around coffee shops, "borrow" a device or two.

In the end, magic and technology are in no way comparable to each other. Technology was created over millennia in order to improve and soften the daily lives of it's users. Magic, on the other hand, is not only a mere definition of unexplained sciences, but a whole category of it's own definition. To have a regular spellcaster find themselves in a world of technology would hardly be anything to scoff at, for just the comparison of complexity between magic and technology would be incomprehensible.

Basically, technology still has a pretty long time before it could possibly match half of the capabilities of a well-rounded mage.

And that is exactly how I wormed my way into society when I came through the portal. At first, judging from the immediate surroundings, I had thought that it'd be easy to manipulate the local population to do my bidding, but after finding that there was a far more... intricate layer to society, I decided that it would be far more entertaining to spread my influence from there.

And so, my digital career began. Without my magic, it was at first mildly confusing, if not annoying, to have to physically manipulate objects, but once I had gotten used to it, I went off on a roll.

It started off as a simple tablet I had bought using the few bits I had brought with me. A few golden coins and gems for the best model on the market and such. I immediately took advantage of the infinite database known as the "internet", and began my research.

"Research on what," you may ask. Initially I had planned to return as soon as possible to bring vengeance upon Celestia, and anypony who had opposed me, but over time, my studies on the inner workings of similar monarchies faltered. As many have told me, history is written by the victors. Everything I had read about bringing down a ruler typically consisted of bloody struggles, and considering as to how those struggles involved armies, I was completely unprepared. As such, I decided to bide my time and wait for the perfect opportunity.

Over the course of months, I waited. Weeks became months, months became years. I finally realized that my chance would likely never come within my lifetime. So instead, I began to dive deeper into the inner workings of human society. I had yet to give myself any sort of identity in the world, and seeing as there didn't appear to be any counterpart to myself in existence, it would be much harder than simply stealing papers.

I soon discovered the so-called "dark web", a loosely connected anonymous network of various users and groups who often used said network to illegally transfer goods and services. A perfect place for me to learn.

A few days of searching later turned up some useful information. For example, I had met an old man in an alley who was willing to not only hand me his motorcycle, but his personal account on a dark web forum site. All for a small handful of my remaining bits.

As for the rest of the bits, I had used them to buy myself a quiet condo on the edge of town, complete with basic lifetime utilities. Obviously, it took the rest of my bits anyways, considering how people in the area complained about their high bills.

Though, once the bits ran out, I had to get myself a job as soon as possible. Luckily, a local fast food restaurant handled the problem. No ID required.

I took on the position of student yet again, this time as the protege of a supposedly renowned hacker who made millions off of bank accounts. In short, I quickly learned the ways around secure networks, through both viruses and glitches. To an extent it would occasionally involve custom built hardware such as card scanners, but those weren't as common as the rest.

Once I had created my false identity, I was able to infiltrate the ranks of a local high school that coincidentally went by the same name as my home city back in Equestria. Using the forged papers I was able to enter as a freshman. And though I was already nearing my early twenties, my human form strangely took on the childish look of an early teen. As such, like I mentioned before, I was enrolled as a freshman.

Initially, upon the beginning of the school year, I was quite relieved to be accepted into the community. It was already enough of a struggle to create my identity, but to have to find a place to hide my motorcycle? That was especially hard due to the fact that said motorcycle was still unregistered in the DMV. Not to mention the fact that according to my papers, I was still too young to drive. Either way, navigating on a motorcycle is far easier than accessing secured bank files using nothing but a rooted tablet.

But soon, after my entrance into Canterlot High, I realized that the prolonged friendliness would likely prove hurtful. It would only take a single overly talkative person to pipe up, and I'd find myself imprisoned for what I did. Naturally, I didn't take a liking to the prospect. And so, I began to tear up the ties between students.

It was actually quite easy since I already knew my way around, y'know? All it takes is a brute-force password cracker and a user name, and suddenly, you're in. This particular group of girls that I'm now friends with were my first targets. I at first spied on them, looking over their shoulders while they were busy texting away and stuff like that. Just to learn their usernames. Texts were relatively simple to fake. All you need is a dummy cell tower to intercept their signal, and push it along the way with a completely different message.

As for emails, the password crackers worked for a time, but eventually after a client update they failed. So instead, I began looking to the knowledge I had gained about creating hardware to combat the software walls.

It was quite the social experiment as well, in fact. drop a couple of flash drives infected with a keylogger, and wait for someone to pick it up. Chances are, they'd plug it in at some point out of curiosity. What they didn't realize, however, is that the keylogger would silently install itself, and transmit everything they did to me.

And so with that came the downfall of the Canterlot High student body. Once their bonds were broken, it was quite easy to individually push them to my liking. As for the Element of Magic, I had heard talks about it in occasional disguised trips back to Equestria.

Obviously, I no longer do these things, considering how I went all "she-demon" and whatever. All in all, I still ran into the law after the confrontment with Princess Twilight, but they agreed to let me off the hook if I returned everything I had bought using the stolen money. On top of that I had to report and bring down the forum from the inside, (an easy task), and go full white-hat with my skills.

Basically, I worked for the government now. They provided me with a legitimate identity in return for catching people in their act, and all in all, my life has definitely took a turn for the better.

Equestria was OP?

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It was a fine day in the nation of Equestria. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the tank was clean... wait, ignore that last one.

Anyways, Equestria was having an excellent day. And then it turned out that Canterlot Mountain was actually a dormant volcano. Naturally, no-one seemed fazed by the resulting eruption until Twilight showed up, because she just happens to be the one who seems to fix everything.

As for the volcano? Maud bucked a rock into it, and that was that. Twilight didn't even have to lift a fing--er, hoof.

Suddenly, Tirek burst from the ground, the surrounding buildings bursting into flames as Tartarus rose into the realm of Equestria. Once again, nopony was hurt simply because ponies are very fireproof.

Spike quickly handled the situation with a slap to the face and a scolding, because he saved the Crystal Empire before, so why not Tirek as well? And besides, dragons are usually scary. By that logic, Spike is scary. And so Tirek got scared and ran away to the sun where Celestia fried his hide.

And once again, Twilight did absolutely nothing, because with the sheer power of her will, she was not only able to bring modern technology into existence, but make herself breakfast.

Then, changelings happened. For no reason they had reverted back to being mean and looking like horse-shaped flies, and decided to attack the Everfree Forest just because it made their actions seem mysterious.

Zecora blinked and suddenly threw a potion bottle at them. The bottle cracked open and made a huge nuclear explosion that drove off the changelings and did nothing else because it wasn't actually a nuclear explosion.

It was one of Trixie's flash bombs.

Since there was still the hole to Tartarus in the ground, Grogar the goat demon decided that it was a good idea to try and take on Equestria again. Boy, did he underestimate modern ponies. They didn't whimper and cry, they bit and tore... his fur off. Suddenly, he had nothing but the strange underwear covering his backside, and was chased off by some parasprites because parasprites are parasprites.

And yet even after the narrator used parasprites three times in a row separated by a single word each time, Twilight still paid little mind to anything other than her love novel that she wrote about Flash Sentry.

Though, in reality, Flash Sentry was currently fighting off diamond dogs in the dungeons of the fandom because the narrator decided that it'd be funny to watch Waifu Stealer suffer.

And still Twilight did nothing about it. She wasn't ignorant or anything, she was just... okay nevermind. She was ignorant at the time because she wasn't actually awake. She was currently absorbing the book's contents through her face as she slept because she gained unexplainable book-absorbing powers from a strange amulet that descended upon her that morning.


Flim and Flam weren't having a very good day. Ever since everypony became OP after the meteor shower last week, it became impossible for them to be able to lie anymore, because every time they did, they would get Applejack teleported to them to chew them out. Why? Because honesty happened.

On a side note, when the not-so nuclear bomb went off above the Everfree Forest, a lot of animals went crazy and mutated themselves into horrific beasts. After that, they jumped into the mirror portal to create an army to take over Equestria. Luckily, Fluttershy had laser vision so she zapped all of them back into cute bunnies and bears that had little jars of honey that they carried around.

But even though she had extremely precise targeting, she somehow missed the horde of bugbears flying towards Ponyville because the story needed some more continuuity.

Being the brave pegasus she was, Rainbow Dash swooped down, and did a sonic rainboom right through the center of the bugbear group, causing them to scatter like bowling pins because rainbooms are probably terrifying in real life if one happened next to you.


Rarity stared in dismay at the sight of a sleeping Sombra inside her boutique. Who would want a tyrant king who enslaves his subjects sleeping on your best pillows anyways? And besides, the guy was drooling on it. And by "it", I mean the pillows.

"THIS IS A TRAVESTY!" Rarity exclaimed in horror, lighting her horn. In an instant, Sombra awoke to a horrible headache, before exploding again out of the window and into the conveniently placed pit of eternal doom.

And the mare did all that without even breaking a sweat. Probably because she wasn't the type who liked to sweat.

And then there's Pinkie. She was currently fighting alongside a chicken and a dog against Darth Vader in the limousine that was actually a transformer. Then she realized that she wasn't in the right universe so she shot herself out of her master sword's "Pipe of 1-ups" and out of the world of Kirby's armpit.

Luna was also busy at the time. She was battling against her Nightmare Moon self "Super Smash Bros" style, and just happened to receive a smash ball. Let's just say that that was the end of Nightmare Moon forever.

All the while, Twilight continued to bide her time sleeping in her book, before she suddenly jolted up. All around her the universe had begun to tear itself apart from it's own chaos, and she was the only one who could put it back together because she was "The One".

And so she fixed it while eating lunch and watching the world burn before her very eyes. Though, the world wasn't actually burning, y'know? She was just watching the battles taking place outside in her front yard because everypony wanted to date her.


Secondary Author's Note:

Me: Welp. That's a job well done.

Me to me: No. It was horrible. *shudders*

Twilight's mind was screwed over by Celestia?

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Twilight casually sat in the corner of her room, smiling as she re-read "Theories of Equestrian History" for the seventh time in a row. It was quite an interesting book, taking into account as it appeared to be lacking several topics from near-prehistoric events. The mare flipped the page. She was now staring at the full-color, two-page image of a smiling Princess Celestia.

Only, this chapter was supposed to be about the history of horse pants.

And still, Celestia sat in her brilliant printed glory, right atop the original image of the first pair of jeans ever created.

Confused, Twilight rubbed the page with a hoof. Nothing happened. She tried flipping back and forth through the pages. Yet still, nothing happened. Finally, she simply eyeballed the page. That was when she noticed the smile.

It wasn't any normal, kindhearted smile that she'd seen on her mentor's face before. This was more of a mocking sneer, as if a horrible joke had been told, and yet everypony still laughed. In fact, now that she thought of it, wasn't the image of Celestia facing away from the chapter title just a few seconds ago?

...And her eyes were probably not filled with a devilish reflection of Twilight either.

Taking into account the fact that she had been up for two days and six hours, Twilight decided that it was just some sort of trick that her eyes were playing on her. As such, she continued reading, unaware of the alicorn watching her from the window.


Finishing the book, the mare carefully placed the tome back onto its respective shelf. Celestia still patiently hovered just outside the window, watching intently as her plan fell into place.

Just as Twilight nudged the book back into place, it quickly flew back out with an accompanying "pop" sound. Raising a brow, Twilight pushed the book back in, only for it to once again be sent flying off to some unknown destination.

Specifically, Spike's face. And it stuck.

"MRRPHLRPF!" Spike yelped as he stumbled backwards. He took another step back, and knocked over a painting, before falling on his behind.

Without a word, Twilight sighed and floated the book off of Spike's face. At least, that's what would've happened if it weren't for the fact that the book remained on Spike's face. Instead, Spike dangled helplessly in the air as Twilight continued in attempt to separate him from the book.

"Get... off... him! Ugh!" Twilight grunted as she began to physically tug on the book, all to Celestia's amusement. Then, an idea flew into her mind.

And with that, the Princess took off for Rarity's boutique.


Moments after Twilight had successfully retrieved the book from Spike's face, Rarity slammed the door open.

"TWILIGHT!"

Twilight grunted as she turned to face the mare.

"What?" she snapped, the book still in her grasp.

"CHANGELING! BOUTIQUE!" The unicorn shouted, before proceeding to faint immediately.


Two minutes earlier...

"So, what do you want me to do again?"

Celestia shoved Thorax further towards Rarity's boutique.

"Just pretend to be one of those changelings that ponies say have never changed back. Heck, be Queen Chrysalis for all I care!"

"But what if I don't?" Thorax replied, stopping in his tracks.

Celestia narrowed her eyes. The sky suddenly grew dark as her shadow loomed over the former changeling.

"You don't want to know what'll happen."

Thorax sighed, shaking his head before continuing his way towards the shop, morphing into Queen Chrysalis as he did so.


"Thorax?!" Twilight exclaimed as she tackled the supposed Queen of Changelings.

Thorax deadpanned at the sight of Twilight.

"Look, I can explain."


Celestia sipped her tea as she watched her student's logic slowly crumble from afar. For Twilight, she had known and trusted her mentor for so long that to her, it seemed utterly impossible for Celestia to have pranked her in such a way.

And then Celestia realized something.

Following the realization, she turned to face a worn image of a newborn Twilight in a royal crib.

Twilight was Celestia's Daughter?

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Twilight stared at Celestia. Celestia returned the action. For minutes, neither of them blinked. Then...

"So, remind me why we're meeting right now?" asked Twilight, breaking the silence.

"Simple." replied her former mentor. "You're adopted."

The smaller alicorn raised a brow. "Really, Celestia? Is this another one of those jokes?" She shifted in her seat, uncomfortable at the outcome that the conversation was already heading towards.

Celestia sighed. She'd expected her daughter to put two and two together sooner or later, and realize that ascending to alicornhood was simply impossible. In reality, it was simply the lifting of both a binding spell, as well as a cloaking spell. Together, they restricted any wing movement, and hid any sign of said wings. Same went for Cadence, only it was an anti-magic field and a cloaking spell.

In shorter terms, she was the mother of both of them.

"You see, Twilight, I'm your mother. As a ruling figure in Equestria, any sort of family outside of my sister would be quickly targeted, or even kidnapped for a hefty ransom. It's all in the name of your protection, Twilight."

Twilight's jaw attempted to form words, but her vocal cords objected to their actions. "B-but... my family... genetics... it's impossible!"

Once again, the princess sighed. Not to mention giving herself a mental facehoof. At the mention of genetics, she lit her horn, removing the final cloaking spell.

All at once, the formerly lavender alicorn suddenly became a brilliant white, complete with a blazing mane of fire to complement her coat.

"Oh. That explains quite a bit now."

Queen Chrysalis was one of the Mane Six?

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"I'm Rainbow Dash!" the blue pegasus suddenly exclaimed, "I'm a pegasus!"

All at once, the rest of the mares (and dragon) in the room abruptly stopped what they were doing, choosing instead to stare at Rainbow.

"Ah'm sure you're our good ol' Dash, but aren't ya pushin' it a bit far now?" Applejack replied, eyeing the subject of her speech.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "What I mean is that... well..." she trailed off, before suddenly enveloping in a green flame, revealing none other than Queen Chrysalis.

"CHANGELING!" the mares collectively gasped, This was quickly followed by "Quick, call the guards!", "I've got mace!", and "Want me to send her to Celestia through Dragonfire?"

Chrysalis rolled her eyes at the chaos. She'd seen much in her days as the hive leader, but typically it was far more controllable than... this.

Finally, with a sigh, she groaned "Girls, girls. Don't be scared. I really am Rainbow Dash, okay? I mean, sure, you might've seen Chrysalis at the wedding and kidnapping the royal family and all, but THAT. WASN'T. ME.

"Yeah, right, bug."

"GO BACK TO YOUR BUGGY HOLE MEANIE QUEENIE!" Pinkie shouted, pointing an accusing hoof at the queen.


Once again, Chrysalis was mostly unfazed by the absurdity of the situation. After all, when she handed the reigns to Chrysalis II, she had already warned her heir about the trivialities of handling mass confusion. And besides, she'd been this 'Rainbow Dash' mare for years now, following the initial rainboom that had killed the original.

'Cause obviously, breaking the speed of sound without any proper protective gear would likely tear you to shreds and burn you with friction. And that's exactly what happened there. And it just so happened that the newly retired Chrysalis had been wandering by, watching for a place in society to fit into.


She turned back into her 'Rainbow Dash"' form. "Okay, geez, you don't have to freak out about the fact that I'm actually a bug. Go ask my parents or something. They'd tell you the same thing."

"And that is?"

"And that is that I'm a changeling queen that got sick and tired of running a hive."

Suddenly, Twilight's face lit up. "What if we test you to see if you're actually Rainbow Dash?"

Dash shrugged. "Why not? I've already grown into this form enough to the point of which I practically am the original. How would a test do anything?"

"Because," Twilight replied, "we're gonna see if the Elements of Harmony work with you as the bearer of Loyalty!"

Fluttershy raised a hoof. "Um, Twilight? If the Elements of Harmony don't activate with her, then wouldn't Equestria be in... trouble?"

Twilight facehoofed. "Well, you think of a way to solve this then!"

Silence.


One Season Finale Later...

"Boy, did that thing take a beating!" Chrysalis cheered, "We really did whoop it's but, didn't we?"

In the background, the remains of a giant multidimensional orc sat burning in the middle of a smoldering rainbow crater.

And of course, the rest of the mares simply stared.

"Y-you... you are Rainbow Dash?!" Twilight sputtered, spinning around.

Chrysalis grinned, reverting back to her 'Dashie' form.

And then Chrysalis II landed beside her. She hungrily eyed the Princess of Friendship.

"Ooh, Twilight, I've been waiting for so long now to get my revenge..."

Chrysalis cocked her head. "I thought that you imprisoned all of us already back at the hive for 'Crimes against 'lingkind'."

"Yes, but my plan was never fully carried out, mother!"

"Wait, what?" sputtered Chrysalis, still in her Rainbow Dash form.

Chrysalis II glared at the former queen. "You're my mother."

"THAT CAN'T BE TRUE!"

"Oh no, it's most definitely true, you told me yourself, remember?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"YEEEEEEESSSSS!"

"STOOOOOOOOOP!" Spike wailed, holding his claws over his ears. "Just please, stop acting like foals! Think of our sanity!"

Chrysalis shrugged, dropping all signs of argument as she summoned a padlocked box from the hammerspace.

"Here." she said sternly, "Take a look at this."

Chrysalis II narrowed her eyes at the colorfully wrapped present that emerged from the box. "The secret present that you always talked about?"

"Yes, my 'child'. Open it, and you'll discover the truth."

Chrysalis II hastily tore open the box, only to find a single note.

"YOU'RE ADOPTED!"

Flurry Heart was replaced by Chrysalis' heir?

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"GUYS!" Rainbow Dash yelled as she burst through the window of the Crystal Palace, "SHINING ARMOR, CADANCE, FLURRY HEART WAS FOALNAPPED AND REPLACED BY QUEEN CHRYSALIS' HEIR!"

A drowsy Shining Armor gazed up at the panicked mare. "Flurry Heart... is bug hair?"

Rainbow facehoofed. "No," she replied, "Her heir. Twilight told me how to spell it. H-E-R-E."

A magenta flash filled the room, followed by the Princess of Friendship's hoof smacking Rainbow Dash on the face.

"DANGIT RAINBOW, IT'S H-E-I-R, NOT H-E-R-E!"

She promptly disappeared once more with the same flash of light.

Shining Armor was still dazed from the rapid flashing, and was currently foaming mildly at the mouth. "So..." he began slowly, "My daughter... is a bug princess?"

Rainbow Dash nodded. "Yup. I can prove it, too!"


"So, you're saying that she's a bug."

Flurry Heart slept peacefully in her crib, her tongue almost comically hanging out to the side as she dreamt whatever it was that baby alicorns dreamt.

"Yup," Rainbow noted, pulling a jar of syrupy fluid from her saddlebag. "and this thing shall prove it!"

One quick slop of goop on the foal later, and... not much happened.

"Nice story, Dash." Shining grumbled, stomping off to continue his nap in the chair across the room.

And then Flurry woke up. She then blinked a few times, before simply buzzing off out the window. That is, she did so after leaving behind the real Flurry Heart in Shining Armor's lap.


As the two horridly confused ponies pondered the event that had just unfolded, Buzz landed at his mother's throne.

"I am sorry, mother. I have failed you." He began, "The ponies nearly discovered my identity, and it took all of my energy to resist the effects of the salve they had applied."

Chrysalis grunted.

"Also, Flurry Heart was very annoying when she began crying from the attic."

More grunts.

"Also, don't you think that Buzz is a bit too generic? I mean, it's pretty much our equivalent to things like Bob and Joe."

A very loud grunt.

"'Cause seriously, ponies have cool names like 'Shining Armor', and 'Celestia' and so on, and then we just have Buzz, Thorax, Beetlehead, Pinsir, and a buncha other names made up using our own body parts and things like that."

A heaving grunt.

"Mom, can I have an allowance exte--"

"NO, BUZZ." Chrysalis screamed from her personal bathroom, "AND WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS AFTER I ATE A THREE DAY OLD BURRITO IN FRONT OF YOU?!"

A Bowl of Salad came to Equestria?

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"Hello!" a tiny, squeaky voice called from under a stone.

Pinkie froze, and turned slowly to the large rock that had just spoken to her.

"I'm Salad!" The voice cried out again, catching the mare's interest.

"Salad?" Pinkie questioned. She had never met a living salad before, but at the same time, technically all salads were alive, so...

"And I'm Pinkie!" She cheered, heaving up the boulder the aforementioned salad had been under. "Nice to meet you, Mister Salad! Do you have any family? Friends? Pets? Pocket universes?"

"No, no, no, and no." The salad replied, "I just don't want to be eaten."

"Don't be silly," Pinkie replied, "I won't eat you! You're my friend now!"

The salad said nothing else as it hopped onto Pinkie's back.


And now, let's just say that Equestria has banned all salad-eating forever.

Fluttershy was a park ranger in the Everfree Forest?

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Fluttershy idly yawned as she hovered over the canopy of the Everfree Forest. She had been selected by Mayor Mare as a "Park Ranger", with the duty to ensure the safety of ponies near the forest border, as well as to watch for any beasts that may emerge from the forest.

And somehow, even with the sheer number of terrors she had witnessed in the forest, Fluttershy was bored. It was as if the forest itself had fallen asleep, and she swore that she heard a tree fall somewhere.

And then a random Bugbear happened.

Well, it didn't happen, but appeared. Out of thin air. In front of Fluttershy. Instinctively, Fluttershy yelped in surprise, flying backwards into a nearby low-hanging cloud.

"B-b-Bugbear!" She shouted in her loudest voice. Unfortunately for her, it barely even made it past the bugbear before being drowned out by the wind.

So instead, the mare decided to harden up, and bring out her weapons-grade stare.

"What are you doing, Mister Bugbear?" She asked politely, making sure that she never broke eye contact with the beast.

The Bugbear shrugged, and proceeded to roar several dozen times in a row.

"Oh, were you just relaxing until you teleported here for absolutely no reason other than to allow the author to write something marginally funny?" Pinkie suddenly shouted, popping out of the cloud Fluttershy had backed into.

The Bugbear paused for a moment, then nodded.

"Aww," Fluttershy replied, "do you know where you live? I could maybe take you back to your family."

The beast shook its head sadly, growling under it's breath.

"I... I don't understand what you mean," Fluttershy said in return, "Pinkie, do you know?"

"Ooh, ooh!" Pinkie hooted, "He's saying that he came from an alternate universe where Bugbears lived in Equestria and Ponies lived in the Everfree Forest, and he was the park ranger for the forest when some giant laser beam of doom hit him and sent him flying through the fabric of the universe to here, where he woke up with a massive rock as his pillow!"

"Oh." Was all the pegasus could muster after hearing Pinkie's translation. "Um. Pinkie, would you mind if you take Mr. Bugbear back to his home?"

"Okie dokie!" Pinkie cheered, before opening a vortex through dimensions and dragging the bugbear along.

Fluttershy sighed, and began comforting herself in a sitting position on the cloud, watching over the forest once again.

And then she fell asleep.


"RUN!" Shouted Twilight, "THEY'RE COMING!"

Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes. "Who's coming?" she asked softly.

"THE CLONES!"

The pegasus turned back to face the Everfree Forest she was supposed to watch over, only to find a marching army of Derpys tearing down everything in their way out of sheer clumsiness.

And so that was how Equestria came to be ruled by an army of Derp.

Twilight was Luna's daughter?

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"TWILIGHT!" Luna yelled as she burst through the floor of Twilight's bedroom, "YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER. NOW COME WITH ME TO PLAY SOME VIDYA GAMES!"

Twilight shrieked in shock, quickly throwing her writing material and fanfic-in-progress across the room, where they proceeded to land perfectly in between Spike's dragonfire and a scroll he was about to send.

And unfortunately, Celestia now has it. Let's just ignore the pained wailing of the guards until later.

"I... I don't understand," Twilight finally replied, recovering from the shock of being surprised, "I thought I was Celestia's daughter."

Luna facehoofed. "Twilight, listen. TWI-LIGHT. You're my daughter, Twilight. The one who ascends between both night and day, and the unbreakable bond that will continue to keep the two together."

Twilight cocked her head.

"What I'm saying is, you're my daughter for absolutely no reason other than I want to have a daughter so I'm claiming you as mine."

"Wat." Was all Twilight could say afterwards.

"DOES THOU DARE TO MOCK US?! YOU SHALL COME WITH US TO WRECK NOOBS UNTIL THE SUN RISES AGAIN!" Luna suddenly began, "AND TOGETHER WE SHALL RULE EQUESTRIA UNDER OUR SUPREME RULE!"

"Wat."

Luna frowned at Twilight's lack of understanding. "You'll be my daughter, and I'm gonna play video games with you and you're gonna help me in Night Court."

This time, Twilight frowned. "Night Court? Isn't that always full of batponies?" she asked, crawling onto her bed.

"ARE YOU BEING RACIST?!"

"No." Twilight peeped from behind her pillow.

"THEN YOU SHALL BE MY DAUGHTER."

"Fine."


And so, Twilight suddenly found herself as the daughter of a mildly drunk Luna. Of whom later realized what was happening, and disowned the mare.

The author was too busy to write a chapter so he wrote a joke instead?

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The joke is that there isn't anything here, 'cause I've been too busy to write anything!!!

Celestia read Twilight's fanfiction?

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Celestia eyed the notebook that had landed in front of her. Judging by the intricately drawn images of various ponies kissing on the inside over, she could tell that it was likely sent on accident.

That is, until she noticed that it was written by her very own former student, and incomplete, as well.

And so, she began reading.

"Oh, Flash!" I wailed in ecstasy as we recovered from our little 'game', "I love you so much!"

Celestia shut the notebook.

And then she opened it to another page.

"Ooh yeah... slap that plot harder"

She slammed the cover down, a blank stare covering her face.

So this is what Twilight does when she says that she's writing novels? The princess thought.

She writes pretty well.

And so, she continued reading.

She read stories of love, of hate, of ogres, and goblins, and a guy named Master Bates. She found herself spiraling into a whole world of stories, and getting a rare glimpse of what went on inside Twilight's head.

Mostly though, it was just love stories and poems about Flash Sentry, who had been booked months ago as the "Highly Unstable Waifu Stealer" in the Canterlot Dungeons.

A raging sh*t demon happened?

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Twilight happily munched on her beans an' beans an' beans taco as she read through her book on "Advanced Dark Magic Practices". Specifically, she was on the section about animating nonliving objects.

Everything was (mostly) normal.

Until the next day.


RUN! Applejack shouted to her sister, who was already scrambling through the orchard. The mare followed closely behind, followed by a massive, hulking, comedically stink-lined and smiling pile of poo.

"SORRY!" Twilight yelled from her now-destroyed bathroom, "THAT WAS THE TACO BELL!"

The Mane Six became the Mane Five?

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"Hey, is there somepony missing today?"

Twilight grunted as she looked about the room. All five of her friends were there, plus Spike. And Starlight. In fact, even Sunset Shimmer had come today.

And yet...

"Yeah, where's Twilight?" Rainbow Dash replied, "She was right there like, twenty seconds ago."

A low murmur began to emanate from the collective mouths of the ponies, all whispering about Twilight's abrupt disappearance.

"I'm right here," Twilight began, stomping her hoof down in mild irritation, "Can't you see?"

The mares (and dragon) continued to forego the presence of their chatter.

"Hello?" Twilight called again, waving a hoof in her friend's faces.

She passed right through them.

"Wat."

Just then, Spike coughed up a letter from Princess Celestia. He nervously grabbed it from the floor, unsure of what to do without Twilight's guidance.

"Just read it already," Applejack deadpanned, "Maybe it's got somethin' to do with Twi goin' missin'."

Spike nodded, and read the rather short letter.

Dear Twilight, please ignore the fact that you're currently in an altered state of reality. I accidentally stepped on a banana peel in the Canterlot Library of High Magicks, and might've... cast a spell in alarm.

There is no need to be alarmed, as the spell will wear off within five moons. For now, you are currently residing in a "bubble universe" created by the spell, and as such, there is no way for you to physically interact with the environment around you.

"I... I don't understand," Rarity began after Spike finished reading, "if the letter is meant for Twilight, then how would the message possibly get to her?"

Spike flipped the parchment around to the other side to find more text.

(P.S. - The moment I realized what I had done, I immediately cast a counterspell, but it was already too late. Luckily, the spell partially worked, and you can still have a one-way interaction with everything else. Namely, you can't do anything, but everything can still happen to you.

Also, WHO THE BUCK LEFT A BANANA PEEL IN THE LIBRARY?!

"Well then."

the author accidentally wrote a portion of his homework in a chapter?

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Dear Sir,

By my troth, is thoust empty-headed! Dost thou expect me to come hither to slave away at thee parchment? Nay! Prithee, perchance ye shall encounter a cutpurse, or some evil-eyed miscreant. Fie on thee for thou distempered demands, whelp! You, my peevish ruffian, are in fact, quite the shandy one. Thee common peddler may receive more respect, for ye have caused much confusion to myself. Now, I must ask, must you linger any longer? Aye, ye shall be discarded at a moment’s notice, for thou are unwelcome. I, however, must request from thee a single task; shog off. Thou is unwanted, and unneeded. Thee grammar is hideous, and I must imagine that thee mind is equally vacant. Even so, thou are nothing more than a mild nuisance in my life, and as one may forsake the irritation of the common housefly, I shall simply discard you from my life.

If ye seek to redeem himself, then ye must halt this foolishness at once. You are anything but jaded, and far from the ranks of the skills of a scribe. A mere lad may beat you in the arts, for ye haven’t found the truth in theeself yet. Forsooth, it is that thou is a simple eggshell of a ruffian. I mustn't ask for any less than thee, for I fear that any less may result in a queasy beast of a snudge. Though, if ye wishes to apologize, and perchance find a tutor in the arts of common grammar, than I shall once more open to your requests.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!" Pinkie screamed, literally bulldozing through the fourth wall.

Oh.

"YOU CALLED ME SIR!"

Miss.

Help.

the CMC went to different mares in the Applewood Derby?

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"Twilight?" Sweetie Belle peeped as she knocked on the door of the castle, "Can you help me build the most traditional kart in the Applewood Derby?"

There was no answer. The filly knocked again, and was promptly responded to by the sound of a loud explosion, and screams of "KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!".

A bright flash of light emanated from the windows for a brief moment, before an ash-covered Twilight answered the door.

"Oh, hi, Sweetie Belle. You said you needed some WoodApple Derpies?" she chirped, "'Cause I've got some right here!"

The alicorn floated over a gardening tray filled with tiny derp groots. "They make good pets until they grow older!" she continued, "I was experimenting with an anti-growth spell on one, and it kinda... backfired..."

Sweetie Belle gently nudged the tray away with her magic. "No, I said that I want some help in the Applewood Derby."


Apple Bloom knocked on Fluttershy's door, and was quickly answered by the mare herself.

"Fluttershy! Could you help me make the speediest kart in Equestria for the Applewood Derby?"

Fluttershy stood silent for a moment, stunned at the request. "Um... why didn't you ask Rainbow Dash instead? I'm sure that she has something that you could do."

"Ha, an' get mah sister's barn wrecked again?"

Fluttershy nodded, noting that Rainbow was obviously anything but careful, anyways.


Scootaloo was just about to ask Mrs. Cake to talk to Pinkie Pie, but she didn't, because the mare was already next to her.

"Pinkie, can you he--"

"Help you make the most funnest and creative kart for the Applewood Derby? Sure!"



And so, a gurgling steam engine, a rabbit-powered barrel thing, and a duct-tape-confettied multidimensional airship were lined up at the starting positions.

"Close enough?" Sweetie Belle asked her friends from the cab of the modified locomotive.

"CLOSE ENOUGH!" Scootaloo and Apple Bloom shouted back in unison over the noise that their respective "karts" were emitting.

this story was a horribly written self-insert?

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Techie gazed out upon the vast plains that extended before him. Fresh, untouched land. That is, fresh, if it weren't for the fact that it was currently a desolate wasteland of flame.

Luckily, our hero (TECHIE, REMEMBER THAT), just happened to have a massive orbital "Fix everything" ray he had access to, and promptly revitalized that land with the push of a button.

As he enjoyed the newly created paradise in his magical cave-home of wonders, some filthy buggers crawled out of the pits of beyond, eyeing Techie hungrily with a ferocious gaze.

Of which, was in turn weaponized and returned to sender as a nuclear laser-bomb, because that's how illogical this world is.

"DADDY!" A mare suddenly screamed out of nowhere, racing towards the human, "YOU CAME BACK!"

The two immediately locked together, and drew in close for a kiss, before Techie began lowering himself down to--

WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! CHILD FRIENDLY!

Hey, what are yo--

*Crashing noises*

Okay, so the the pony and the human did not do anything mushy or overly mature, and Techie decided to give up and stop writing this chapter because he ran out of ideas and ended up cringing at what he just wrote.

Twilight became the Princess of dad jokes?

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"Twilight, I'm hungry." Spike said, rustling through the refrigerator. "Is there anything other than sandwiches I could eat?"

Twilight slowly turned, a fierce glare shooting from behind her moustache.

Spike inched back. "Um... Twilight?"

"Hi, Hungry, I'm Twilight!" The mare suddenly blurted, dropping the glare all at once. "If you want something to eat, then make yourself something to eat!"

Spike facepalmed. "I mean like as in some crystals or something." He replied, "Don't you get it?"

Twilight nodded solemnly. "Yes, I get it, Spike. I get that you're a meth addict who just needs some druggies in his system!"

"TWILIGHT!" Spike roared, rushing at the moustached alicorn, "STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!"

Twilight smirked and lit her horn. A speeding 'this' soared through the air, before being smacked down by a large stop sign.

"I stopped this. Are you happy now? Oh wait..." she continued, "you're Hungry."

Ponyville proceeded to burn in the wrathful flames of a raging Spike Hungry.

Equestria was taken over by inanimate objects?

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Ruler rock sat on her stone throne. It did nothing. It had ordered Cage to trap Celestia in Bakery's attic.

But they were all inanimate objects, with the exception of Celestia. But Celestia was being a lazy butt, so nothing actually happened.

There aren't any more ideas floating in my head for What If?

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...No seriously, I don't know what to write anymore on this. I was thinking about writing "What if Spike couldn't stop farting?", but I think I've stuck enough potty jokes in my stories to last a while now. :applejackunsure:

King Sombra was Scootaloo's father?

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"NO!" Scootaloo shouted as she dangled from the conveniently placed rooftop, "IT CAN'T BE TRUE!"

Sombra raised an eyebrow. "What can't be true?"

Just three seconds earlier...

"Scootaloo..." Sombra said as he backed the young filly to the edge of the roof, "I am your father."

~~~

As the flashback faded, Sombra's face lit up. "Ah, yes, I remember. Now, as I was saying, I'll go buy some cute pink tutus for you at Walcart, and then we can go to the Fluffy Faire for you to see all the fluffy things!"

Scootaloo cringed at the idea of losing her coolness factor to tutus and fluff.

Unfortunately, the last time the filly was seen, she was laughing at the top of a ferris wheel.

Techie wrote a conglomeration of multiple what ifs and needed to take a shower so he only had a couple minutes to do something?

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Spike stayed at the Dragon Lands?

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"Huh," Spike shrugged as he gazed at his reflection, "neat wings."

Garble rolled his eyes. "Geez, who would've thought?"

Spike stuck his tongue out at his roommate. "How about a flying competition, then?" He snapped.

Garble grunted. "Sheesh, you're becoming like that Rainbow Sash or whatever pony."


Spike and Garble stood side by side at the top of Conveniently Placed Mountain. A frigid breeze washed over the two as they readied themselves for flight.

"Ready?" Spike asked, flexing his relatively new wings in preparation.

Garble scoffed. "Ready as you mother, Spikey-Wikey."

Spike gritted his teeth.

And then the race began.

And went.

And went...

And it continued...

And the author began to wonder why he was doing this...

And they continued...

And then Garble smacked into Holder's Boulder.

Rainbow Dash reported the Wonderbolts behavior to Princess Celestia?

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Celestia smacked her hoof across Rainbow Dash's face.

"IDIOT!" She barked, "WHO DO YOU THINK RUNS THE WONDERBOLTS?!"

somepony was turned into a dog?

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"Arf!" Twilight shouted, "Arf arf arf! Woof! AROOOOOOO!"

Spike set the struggling purple dog on the ground. Normally, he'd ask Twilight what to do, but since the mare apparently wasn't around, he had taken to the idea of keeping the dog as a pet until Twilight came back.

"You want some food, girl?" He asked, heading for the kitchen.

Twilight rolled her eyes, and attempted once again to perform the reversal spell for the transformation.

"Hey--NO!" Spike suddenly burst, smacking Twilight upside the head with a newspaper, "No pooping in the castle!"

Boy, Twilight thought, You're gonna be in a heap of trouble when I turn back.

Unfortunately, in her current form, Twilight couldn't help but pointlessly scratch and squirm in Spike's arms as he took her outside.

"Go on, girl, do whatever you need to do." He said, eyeing the mare-turned-dog.

Twilight stared back.

Spike continued watching her.

Twilight stared back.

Eventually, the staredown was broken when a beam of light shot down from above, hitting Twilight and not only turning her back into a pony, but turning her into a pony-dog-thing.

Why? Because there's a clear lack of logic already, so why not throw out the rest? :trollestia:

fanfics were canon?

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Anon leaned in close, his breath brushing through Fluttershy's mane.

"I... I lo--"

Suddenly, Pinkie burst through the fourth wall(s) of the many fanfics that consisted of the show.

CHILD FRIENDLY!


Pinkie promptly reappeared from a garbage can, and continued her current task at hoof-- taking down the Princesses, once and for all. She slinked through the many alleyways that sprawled across Canterlot, time to time disappearing and immediately reappearing in a completely unrelated location.

And then Twilight appeared.

"Pinkie? What are you doing?" She asked as she turned a corner, unknowingly walking into Pinkie's path, "I thought you were at Sugarcube Corner."

PInkie backed away from one of her highest-level targets. "Um, I had a day off, so... I decided to explore?"


The moon crashed down upon Equestria in a ball of flames, with Nightmare Moon riding the behemoth the entire way with flaming blue swords twirling about her. 'nuff said.


*Insert witty one-liner here*


And then chaos happened.


Derp.


Lol I broke the chain of shorter and shorter lines.

Why am I doing this? :facehoof:

the author felt lazy and wanted to spend his four-day weekend watching youtube?

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:moustache::trollestia:What, did you expect anything to be written?:trollestia::moustache:

Ponies ruined the Royal Changling Wedding?

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Princess Bugleg and Sir Abdomen leaned in to kiss. Queen Chrysalis sat nearby, tears of joy rolling down her face.

Except they didn't kiss. Abdomen paused, smirking as he shoved the princess bug aside.

"Ah, Chrissy. We meet again."

Chrysalis raised a brow. "What do you mean?" she asked, "You've known me for years."

Abdomen raised a hoof. "Tut, tut, Chrissy. You've known Abdomen for years. I am no lower body now, am I?"

"Uh---"

"Heheh," the pony chuckled, "Guess who?"

Chrysalis charged her horn.

"Who?"

A bright flash of light temporarily blinded the room, and away flew Flurry Heart, giggling.

And what about the real Sir Abdomen, you ask? He never existed. He was actually Sunburst in disguise. :trollestia:

Queen Chrysalis replaced Shining Armor instead of Cadance?

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Cadance sat comfortably on her bed, a look of lust beaming from her face.

"Come here, Shiny..." she mewed, "show your wife what you've got..."

Shining Armor chuckled nervously. "Uh..." he stammered, "I'm fine. Really." He faked a yawn. "I mean, that wedding sure was tiring, wasn't it? I just wanna eat all your lo-- cookies and go to sleep."

Cadance raised a brow.

"Shiny?" she asked suspiciously, "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, Thora--uh, Cadance. After all, I've gotta watch after my hiv--hoofball game, anyways."

Suddenly, a projectile Spike crashed through the window.

"YAAAAAAAAA!" Spike hollered, landing on top of the not-Shining Armor with a crunch, "GOTCHA, QUEENIE!"

Spike was promptly followed by a very angry Shining Armor, of whom was currently glistening with crystal shards from bucking his way out of the caverns. Finally, Twilight teleported into the room, covered by the same crystal dust as her brother.

"Chryssie, you've got a s:yay:tload to explain."

Everypony (except Sweetie Belle) was a robot?

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Rarity clanked along the ground towards her sister's room.

"SWEETIE BELLE!" She cried in an oddly metallic voice, "WERE YOU READING SPELLBOOKS AT NIGHT AGAIN?!"

Sweetie Belle only snored.

"WAKE UP, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF--"

Suddenly, a transformer Pinkie appeared out of a flower pot, and welded robo-Rarity's mouth shut.

"CHILD FRIENDLY!"


Twilight paced about the room, her mind racing faster than ever as she panicked over the fact that she woke up as a robot. Same went for Spike, but once he found out that Rarity was a robot as well, he was chill.

As for Twilight, her mind was faster than ever, because it was now a supercomputer.

And then robot Discord wreaked havoc on Metalquestria.

Sunset Shimmer was living bacon?

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Sunset Shimmer awoke to a jolt.

She couldn't exactly move though, because she apparently was now bacon.

Luckily, she was in Equestria at the moment, so she had nothing to fear of when it came to being eaten.

Unfortunately, however, it appeared that she was sitting directly atop Twilight's bed.

On top of Twilight.

Twilight woke up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The moment her gaze set upon Sunset, however...

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--" She screamed, throwing Sunset across the room. "SPIKE!" She yelled out the doorway, "DID YOU BRING FOOD THROUGH THE PORTAL AGAIN?!"

"Woah, Twilight," Sunset spoke, "It's just me, Sunset. And apparently, I'm bacon now."

Twilight froze, and stared down at the bacon that had just telepathically spoken to her.

"What."


One trip to the Arcane Magicks wing of Canterlot University later...


A bacon-maned Sunset Shimmer stood before Twilight.

"Um... Twilight?" Sunset began, "I think something's off."

"I'll say," Spike mumbled as he picked a strip off Sunset and ate it, "But I'm fine with it."

"SPIKE!" Twilight scolded, "Don't eat other ponies' manes, alright?" She turned back to Sunset.

"Your normal mane will return in a couple of weeks. The bacon mane was the most powerfully enchanted out of the curse that got placed on you."

Sunset shrugged, and began chewing her mane.

every Princess was Trump?

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Trump and Trump sat upon the ultimate throne of super-Trumpiness, sipping their tea and calling out the "fake news" in all their might.

Meanwhile, in Ponyville, New Trumperton, Trump once again verbally assaulted his personal slave assistant and acquaintance, Spike.

And in the Crystal Empire, Trump and his freshly renamed husband, Shining Gold, bickered over whether or not to build a wall to keep the snow out.

Oh yes, and little baby Trumpy Heart was gurgling about approval ratings.

Just a normal day in Equestria Trump Rumpertonsville.

the Kool-Aid man and Randy Savage showed up in Equestria?

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*Wall smashing*

*OH YEAH-ing*

*Chaos noises*

*Wrestling noises*

*Kool-aid drinking*

"Y'know," the Kool-aid man began, "You're drinking my blood, right?"

Randy Savage crushed the cup, before summoning another cup because he's Savage. "Let me drink more."

Michael Bay made MLP and the Mane Six needed glasses?

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Tirek dodged flimsily as Twilight summoned her next shot. Her glasses slipped off moments ago, and she ended up hitting the Golden Oaks Library instead. Again.

Said library promptly exploded in a nuclear fury as a shockwave blasted from every side, shattering windows, eardrums, glasses, and Rainbow Dash's contacts.

Unfortunately, said contacts shattered just as Dash pulled off a rainboom, and combined with the temporarily blinding blast of color, the already near-blind mare crash landed on a decepticon, which instantly melted at the touch of her awesomeness.

As for the Golden Oaks library, it quickly grew back, only this time, it was twice as tall, made of solid steel, and came complete with fifty nuclear warheads locked on Tirek.

At the utterance of a single phrase, Twilight singlehoofedly destroyed Tirek down to the subatomic level.

"Watch your butt." She muttered angrily under her breath.

The resulting explosion blew the nonexisting pants off of everypony in existence, past, present and future. It also happened to blind the Mane Six as they were being born, because screw proper logic.

And that is why nopony wears pants in Equestria.

Snips and Snails were alicorns and Fluttershy was rober?

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Snips flapped his wings. He proceeded to shoot straight up in the air, because he was an alicorn for no apparent reason. As for Snails, his head was currently stuck in the ground because he was now the (princess?) of broken logic.

And by that broken logic, being an alicorn now meant that flapping your wings once will turn you into a rocket ship.

Also, Fluttershy is now a rober.

And she's currently robing Rarity.

"Why thank you, Fluttershy," Rarity said after her robe was put on, "Is there anything else you'd like to help with?"

Fluttershy shook her head, and promptly left.

Later that day, Twilight was flooded with dozens of requests to arrest "robber Fluttershy", all because of a single typo on her flyers.

Because f*** logic.

LANGUAGE!

*Keyboard explosion noises*

Rainbow Dash was a unicorn?

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"COOL!" Rainbow whooped as she fired a laser.

"WHAT ARE YA DOIN' UP THERE?!" Applejack screamed from below, bucking the tree that Dash was currently residing on.

"I'M FIRIN' MAH LASER!"

And then Equestria promptly burned to a crisp due to the sheer power of Rainbow's awesome laser. (IT WAS OVER 9000!)

Fluttershy was interrogated?

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"Fluttershy, do you understand why you are here today?"

"Yes."

"Then please tell me why."

"Well, I was out watching the deadly struggle for existence between my animals, and then I saw the meteorite fall on the tartarus-forbidden hole of eternal suffering.

"...Um... what?!"

"I said, I was out watching my animals reaping the souls of the damned, when I saw the burning doom comet land on my well."

"WHAT?!"

"I HAVE TOLD YOU MANY TIMES, MORTAL. I HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKING THE GOINGS OF LIFE, DEATH, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN."

"FREAKIN' WHAT?!"

"Um... I mean that I was feeding the animals, and then I heard this big 'whoosh!' and then a meteorite destroyed the well outside my house."

"You know what? I give up."

"Excellent, for not a soul shall know of the goings that have passed on this day..."

"Excuse me?"

"H-have a nice day!"

"Um... alright?"

"Leave at once, fool, for this may be your last day of enjoying the splendors of life..."

*Panicked horse noises*

"Goodbye! Have a lovely day... for it will be your last..."

The author forgot what he wanted to write for the next chapter but knew that it was something hilarious?

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Um...

...

...

Seriously, I don't remember. I came up with it last night, but I forgot to write it down before going to bed. Now I don't remember what it was at all. Something to do with half-sarcastic remarks and roasting peoples' opinions.

...

...

BANANAS.

Fluttershy was a butt-hoarder?

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"Look at this butt, isn't it neat?" Fluttershy began to sing as she wiggled her plot in Twilight's face.

"Fluttershy, what are you--"

"Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?" the pegasus continued, opening a door into a room full of her animals.

"Fluttershy, seriously," Twilight continued, "I don't see anything different. They're still animals."

"Ooh no," Fluttershy cooed, lifting up a squirrel and shoving it's tiny butt in Twilight's face, "It's my butt collection!"

"What."

Applejack got triggered by Peanut Butter?

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Applejack awoke to a start. It was a beautiful day outside, the sun was shining, the air was still radioactive from her prior nuclear warfare on pears, and generally, it was an excellent day for y'all ta burn in the bits o' Tartarus.

Wait, what?

Anyways, Applejack was currently making breakfast for herself. The only problem with that was that she was out of apples. Unfortunately, the only other choices were either the radioactive-but-somehow-still-standing Asian Pear tree that she nuked, or a years-old jar of peanut butter.

Naturally, she chose the peanut butter.

Though, it just so happened that she got easily triggered by the idea of peanut butter on apple slices, which now led to her being triggered by the sight of peanut butter.

"WHADDYA LOOKIN' AT?!" the mare suddenly screamed at the lonely jar of peanut butter, "WHADDYA WANT FROM MAH FAMILY?!"


Equestria, ~13 years earlier...

Applejack was happily munching on an apple slice with peanut butter, when suddenly, a tiny, squeaky voice blasted her in the face.

"WHADDYA LOOKIN' AT?!" The glob of peanut butter screamed in an extremely high pitched, macho voice, "WHADDYA WANT FROM MAH FAMILY?!"

Applejack promptly screamed, and from that day on, she didn't dare to touch peanut butter again.


The only problem now, though, is that she not only has to touch the tartarus-forbidden peanut butter, but she had to eat it, too.

Suddenly, a vortex through space-time opened up from the jar of peanut butter, sucking her into a very peanut-y, butter-y, and kind-of crunchy world.

"What the buck?" Applejack mumbled to herself after landing face-first in a peanut puddle, "Where in tarnation am I?"

A loud screech echoed from above, prompting the mare to duck down at the sight of the Aerodactyl. Except said Aerodactyl was made of peanut brittle.

In front of her, the wall toes of the sacred Twilicane revealed to Applejack not only a pair of wings, but a horn as well. Applejack initially was quite cautious about ascending to alicornhood in such an absurd way, but she had no say in the end mainly 'cause the wings and horn were currently glued to her face and body using peanut butter.

And then the world imploded with a huge explosion of buttsharks, lolcats, spinning cheese-mice, applepears, emojis, rainbows, Apple Bloom's cloned head, and Rainbow Jack's jokes.

Applejack was an Alicorn?

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Applejack awoke with a groan, inside her own mind. Coincidentally, it appeared that she was now an Alicorn. That being said, she naturally supposed that she was now within her own dreamscape. And so, she proceeded to buck herself out of her own dream, 'cause that's what you can do when you realize that you're in a dream.

Following the not-so-crazy event of Applejack waking up, she quickly made a trip to her bunker's bathroom. Silently, she stared in shock at the now-skewered hat that sat atop her head. Shakily glancing downwards, she could see peanut-butter coated wingtips quivering in the cold, recycled air of the bunker.

Lastly, her cutie mark was now peanut-butter coated apples for some reason.

Besides that, everything appeared normal.

"Hello!" a jar of peanut butter called from the kitchen with a meek voice, "Eat me!"

"..."

"BUCK IT!" She suddenly screeched as her face snapped into a wide grin, "NOTHIN' MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!" She then followed through by bursting from the top of her triple-reinforced carbon fiber/steel/concrete/Nokia hybrid bunker, in the process creating a spontaneous explosion due to the large amount of randomly placed oil barrels surrounding the area.

"BUCK DIS HERE WASTELAND!" She hollered as her eyes began glowing with the light of a thousand suns. In an instant, a massive beam of light shot down from the heavens above, rejuvenating not only the land, but...

The pear tree.

Applejack spotted the pear tree amongst the shuddering piles of blue-green algae jello, and with the power of her conjoined twin frog thrusters, she blasted off at the speed of light towards the tree.

"AH'M GONNA GIT YA!" the mare shrieked as she proceeded to randomly quantum-tunnel straight through the tree, the ground, and everything else, causing her to be violently ejected at the other side of the world, and be sent hurtling towards Discord's backyard.

And then the universe got tired of all this crap, and pressed F5 to refresh.

the author took a long, hard look at the earlier chapters?

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Wow. To think that originally this was supposed to be a "serious" fic that would contain actual alternate history that I was supposed to come up with about Equestria.

Now then. Obviously that's not how it turned out, did it? I've found it a bit hard in general to write stories that aren't just entirely random or have hints of comedy in them, and once I realized what I could do with a fic like this, I just went on a roll.

The author discovered BBCode icons?

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Forgot that this exists using the Fimfiction site mods. Tell me if you can see the icons below:

the Mane 6 were in Game-of-Thorns and needed glasses?

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"Applejack?" Twilight asked a nearby tree, "Can you pass me my glasses?"

The tree said nothing as it loomed over the figure of Twilight, who was currently reading a slab of concrete.

"Howdy!" Applejack suddenly called as she dropped from the sky, "Ah was just buckin' some apples! They sure are light these days, don'tcha think?"

The problem was, Applejack was talking to the dirt, and Twilight was still talking to both the slab of concrete and the tree.

"Hey everypony!" Pinkie squealed as she burst from a nearby rosebush, "Wanna take this baby for a ride?" She asked, purring awkwardly as she softly stroked the rosebush.

"Sure!" Rainbow replied in return, landing face-first beside the rosebush, "How fast does this thing go?"

Pinkie stared closely at a bright crimson rose in front of her face, before looking back up, and replying "I'm not sure, but I bet I can pull off a rainboom with it!"

Rainbow shrugged, and hopped --painfully-- into the so-called 'car'.

As Pinkie fumbled with a leaf to start the nonexistent engine of the bush, Rarity sped past both of them in her own rosebush. Followed by Applejack and Twilight in the top of an apple tree.

"So you wanna race?" Rainbow snarked as she felt the branches slapping against her face, "Wait up then! Pinkie's trying to start the engine!"


Foregoing all common sense (and logic), the mares proceeded to race about Ponyville, while Fluttershy sat in her home, reading about various ways to exorcise rabbits as she wore the only pair of working reading glasses.

The author decided to write a chapter at 12:34 AM?

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Twilight groaned as she stared at the eternally melting ice cream. It had been prior awarded with the prestigious "Ultimate-OCD-Inducer" award, and was currently proudly on display directly in front of Twilight.

She just wanted to lick the thing, and yet... every time she attempted to, she would be flung thirty feet back, along with an instant brainfreeze. It was part of the protection spell, after all.

Twice she had charged the shield, desperate to lick the slowly dripping ice cream.

Twice she had failed.

The third time, she had been frozen inside a block of ice. Made of vinegar popsicles.

The fourth time, Tirek was summoned, but was ultimately smitten by an avalanche out of nowhere. (And he's still trying to get out of the banana-split of doom.)

The fifth time, Pinkie Pie had been forcefully ejected from the universe, only to come screaming back in a pony cannonball.

The sixth time, Twilight was given a golem of no purpose. She promptly left it in her basement, along with Derpy.

The seventh time, she nearly managed to lick the ice cream. She could smell it, though. It was vanilla, with a hint of chocolate.

The eighth time, she finally managed to lick it.

The ice cream proceeded to implode on Twilight's tongue, followed by an explosion of mind-boggling perception.

Suddenly, Twilight saw the universe. No, the multiverse. She saw the flow of time as it criss-crossed itself along the lines of reality. She watched as Discord bathed in his pocket universe of rubber duckies. She saw some weird-lookin' thingies that vaguely resembled ponies in a parallel universe in which Gen 1 never ended.

And worst of all, she found the universe that was made entirely of the unlickable, eternally melting ice creams.

She screamed.

Spike took Twilight on a date?

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PREPARE THEE BUTTOCKS FOR THE MOST AWKWARD MOMENT YE SHALL EVER LAY EYE UPON! :pinkiecrazy:

"So... uh Twilight?" Spike said as he placed some of Twilight's recently read books back onto the shelf, "Do you wanna go out for dinner or something?"

Twilight remained silent, her muzzle clearly buried in a book as she absorbed the knowledge through diffusion.

"Twilight?"

The mare continued reading. Spike proceeded to search for the largest dictionary he could lift, and chuck it at her.

"Gah!" Twilight shrieked as the dictionary smacked the book off her face, "Spike! What did I tell you about throwing those things?!"

Spike shrugged carelessly. "Idunno," he replied, "But as I was saying... do you wanna eat out tonight?"

Twilight groaned as she set her book down. She had been at a particularly enticing section detailing the moment that would've occurred nanoseconds before a star would go supernova. "Fine," she replied, rolling her eyes in annoyance as she stuck herself back into the book.

*TOK!*

"HEY!"


Spike wiggled his brow as he stared deep into his caretaker's eyes. Deeper and deeper his gaze burrowed, past the nerdy shell, past the introvert, past even the little filly that was still hugging the same plushie to this very day.

Finally, he saw exactly what he was looking for.

"We're having cereal for breakfast tomorrow again, aren't we?" Spike deadpanned, severing the connection between Twilight's eyes and his.

Twilight payed no mind, however, as she had no idea that this was supposed to be a date. Neither did she realize that Spike had been creepily staring into her eyes for the past ten minutes. Instead, she was reading the menu as she absentmindedly chewed on the fork that she had already licked clean.

Spike, on the other hand, didn't exactly care about what Twilight did anymore. He had already gotten the information that he'd been looking for. After all, weren't dates just two ponies asking each other questions while eating?

Spike contemplated the idea of cardboard-flavored breakfast for the hundredth time in a row as he munched on his order. Not once did his eyes ever budge--until he saw Rarity enter.

"Um..." Spike began, glancing back at Twilight. She still wasn't looking, or really paying any attention to her surroundings whatsoever. Naturally, Spike made his escape.

Text size was directly related to volume?

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"Oh, Celestia, how is it so early???"

"Beats me, Rarity."

"Shall we avoid waking the others""

"Eyup."

"Nopony invited you here, Big Mac."

the author decided to watch youtube and read comics instead of using their free-time after the competition to do something productive?

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...

...

...

Did you expect something? :trollestia:

Celestia smirked as she sipped her tea, for it was secretly a liquid form of a rare Uranium isotope, and coincidentally the source of both her OP-ness, and her not-giving-a-f**k-ness.

Bleglhsjxowvjcpsjwvwicowv

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Clestilla radically took a swig from her mug of mud. Meanwhile, the universe imploded behind her. She didn't care, however, because nothing really mattered.

And so Ercrestiersh died in a horrible ball of not-fire.

the author is currently on an incredibly long road trip and ended up turning around because the weather decided to puke slush-balls down on the road?

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And seriously, I'm still wondering how I have internet access in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, T-Mobile has amazing 4G coverage when it comes to the middle of nowhere. Like as in, I've got better reception here then in my own bathroom.

Now then, that aside... onto the chapter!

CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS DERP DERPY DERPED A DERP OF DERPED DERPYS AND THEN A METEORITE FELL AND THINGS WENT BOOM AND THE THINGS GOING BOOM WENT UN-BOOM AND STUFF SO YEAH THAT HAPPENED.

Honestly, I'm more interested right now in taking pictures of the scenery from my window than writing.

a buncha other stories the author wrote were crammed into a single crossover chapter?

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Two portals opened beside each other, both of equal characteristics. They simultaneously unloaded their contents as follows: A pile of humans, and a pile of ponies.

These two piles were related, and yet unrelated. They were both of the same origin, but at the same time originated from varied roots.

Both carried a precious cargo-- The Orb.

Suddenly, in the distance, a mare was heard screaming bloody tartarus as she detonated a nuclear warhead upon a lone pear tree. The resulting rain-BOOM (of destruction and doom) resulted in the living-dead potatoes to dance about, as Pinkie and Anon simultaneously scratched their heads in confusion.

In the human pile, a young boy by the name of Sammy groaned, pulling himself out from underneath his friends with The Orb in tow. At the same time, Nightshade did the exact same. The two proceeded to tumble into each other, smacking full-on directly between the two unconscious piles.

A shaggy caravan of other humans screeched to a halt in a worn-down and heavily modified truck, filing out with curious looks. "Equestrians," their leader murmured, pointing a finger at the ponies, "Equestria is alive..."

An awkward silence overtook the entire scene, only to be broken by the screeching, burning noise of a plummeting portal-space-capsule thing, boarded by its two only inhabitants: Gadget, a young filly, and Delmar, a disgraced and mildly drunk scientist.

"WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Twilight yelled as she was farted out of a portal from the past, "AND WHY IS PAST TWILIGHT STILL WITH ME?! SHE'S LOOKING AT US WEIRD AGAIN!"

The Gen-1 Twilight proceeded to awkwardly stare at the gaggle of ponies and humans, before slowly backing towards the humans.

"Do you know where Meghan is?" the mare asked uncomfortably, tugging on the shirt of the man by the name of Tyrone.

Tyrone shook his head sadly. "I don't know who you're talking about," he replied, "but your place is with these ponies. They may be our only hope."

Suddenly, the sky flicked between day and night rapidly, before settling on night. And then becoming day once more after ten seconds.

"FEAR MEH, Y'ALL DOOFY MORTALS! BOW BEFORE YOUR RIGHTFUL RULER, SCRUBLORD MOON!"

A brick proceeded to sail through the air, smacking Luna hard enough to launch her headset onto the face of Gen-1 Twilight.

The mare's face slowly creeped into a smile as her pupils began to dilate. "Ultimate knowledge..." she whispered as her body began to shift into a ball of pure energy. The essence of Gen-4 Twilight begun to funnel into her body via the headset, while Luna shrugged and pulled out a gameboy.

Sammy and Nightshade sat beside each other, trading glances at each other's Orbs and comparing abilities. They forgot entirely that they could've used them to defeat the currently maniacally laughing mare of Generation 1.

Gadget and Delmar looked to each other, shrugged, and proceeded to disappear into another portal a short call later.

And then a large asteroid suddenly impacted everything, but it never killed anybody. Instead, it just trapped them, leaving them doomed to the fate of having to be stuck with each other until someone with half a mind remembered that teleportation existed.

Why? Because f*** logic.

NO SWEARS!

Oh god--Pinkie, NO!

*Clattering keyboard noises*

Spike was a dog in Equestria, and a dragon in the EqG world?

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"Wait up!" Spike barked as his owner stepped into the portal, "I wanna come too!"

Before anypony else could stop him, the dog vanished into the mirror.


*Swirly portal transition noises mixed with screaming horse noises and magical transformation noises*


"Twilight? Um..."

Twilight groaned, rubbing her head as she sat up, only to realize that she was no longer a pony in the proper canon-way of events.

Except this time...

"Alright Spike," Twilight began as she got down on all fours, let's go an--- WHAT THE BUCK?!"

Amazingly, the alicorn-turned-human had completely ignored the fact that her pet dog was now a small dragon. That is, until now.

"SPIKE!" Twilight shouted as she suddenly pried Spike's jaws open, "CAN YOU HEAR ME IN THERE?! WAIT A SEC, I'LL FIND A WAY TO GET YOU OUT!"

"TGLIFLRIGHT!" Spike screamed back, "It's me still. You turned into... uh, whatever you are, but I get to be a cool dragon!"

Twilight, however, heard none of it. Because her head was currently still halfway lodged in Spike's mouth, and therefore the dragon's reassurance simply came out as garbled nonsense.

"SPIIIIKE!" Twilight wailed, "I'm so sorry... so, so sorry... I shouldn't have ever taken my eyes off my lovely puppy, and now he's GONE! Wasted away... eaten by this beast of a monster..."

Spike rolled his eyes, and spit Twilight out, along the way mildly singing her hair with his newfound dragonfire.

"Calm. Down." Spike said sternly, putting both claws on Twilight's shoulders, "I just got turned into a dragon, just like you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into. Okay? Let's just chill out, and move on."

And then Celestia fell out of the portal sitting on a toilet wearing a toilet paper crown.

Because screw logic.

The author decides to try writing a chapter using his phone?

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Seriously. Autocorrect and my phone's typing lag are the biggest reasons why I don't do this, but I'm bored and I finished my homework early anyways.

Now, onto the story.

Derpy hummed lightly to herself as she soared through the air, the BOOMbox in her saddlebag creating massive Michael Bay style explosions trailing her everywhere she went.

The BOOMbox was a strange little package, being wrapped in nothing but clear plastic, and a sticker noting it to be delivered to somepony by the name of "Vinyl Wubz". Derpy knew no Vinyl Wubz, however. Only Vinyl Scratch.

And so when Vinyl frantically waved from below to ask Derpy for her misaddressed package, she simply ignored her.

And proceeded to drop everything into a volcano.

Rainbow Dash worked at Starbucks?

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Dash groaned as she turned to pass a 33rd cup of coffee to a customer who had stuck around for hours. "Aren't you ever gonna leave?" She asked, watching as the stallion wolfed down his drink with fiery eyes.

"NOPE!" He cried in return, sloshing his steaming cup at the pegasus, "When I grow up, I'm gonna marry coffee and be a bean!"

Rainbow stared at the stallion. He stared back, and proceeded to twitch.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna boot you out now."

Fearful, the stallion latched onto Dash's foreleg. "DON'T!" He shouted, "THIS IS MY LIFE!"

Rainbow wiped the spit off her face, rolling an eye. "Well, it isn't." she deadpanned, before drop-kicking the stallion from the window.

The author had homework to do?

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Normally, I finish most of it in class, but I've still got a small backlog of unfinished assignments from the days that I was gone for the Idaho competition.

...

...

The end.

Starlight Glimmer the human in a "very" convincing costume came to Equestria?

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Just to be clear, this is occurring after Starlight Glimmer's reform.

Starlight Glimmer snickered as she slipped into her outfit. A land of equality and harmony for all? She had thought, My homeland calls for me...

As for her costume, she had created a full-body spandex suit, laced with tendrils of "magic" that she had gotten her hands on from some teens selling "magic in a jar", shortly after a recent school camping trip. Said magic would theoretically allow her to bypass the transfiguration that would normally occur as she passed through the portal.

Why she wanted to keep her human form? Simple: Fingers. And toes. Toes are always nice.

Either way, she was going to remain human, whether the creatures on the other side liked it or not.

It was a weekend, and aside from the usual sports meets that were occurring nearby, there was very little activity. On top of her current disguise, Starlight donned the identity of a janitor that had frequented the area. The thick, rubbery face, the awkward tufts of hair, even down to the sly goatee were all present on her mask.

And with her disguise on, the girl slipped into the portal.


"OOF!" Starlight bellowed, quickly covering her mouth with her hands as she recovered from faceplanting in the portal room of Twilight's castle.

"Who's there?" A frighteningly familiar voice called back. The sounds of hooves echoed throughout the room as the pony counterpart of Starlight neared the doors.

"NOBODY!" The girl shouted back, immediately cursing herself afterwards for making herself even more obvious.

The hoofsteps froze, before quickening as the pony grew closer and closer to the doors. Starlight's eyes widened as the handle of the door lit aglow, and slowly began to turn.

Frantically, the girl dove into an upturned box, quivering underneath in fear of discovery.

Meanwhile, the pony Starlight proceeded to shrug, and leave the room.


Walking on all fours is always such a pain in the a--

"NO SWEARS!" Pinkie screamed, landing in front of the girl from who-knows-where, "BAD STARRY!"

The mare promptly left Starlight with a smack on the face with a newspaper. The mask she had been wearing earlier was nowhere to be found.

"Starlight?" Twilight asked as she landed with a flap of her wings, "Why are you walking so... uh, weirdly?"

It was at that moment in which Starlight realized that she had been walking not only on all fours, but walking on all fours with her bottom held proudly (mindlessly? suggestively?) in the air, as a human walking on all fours would normally walk if they didn't bend their knees.

"And why does your plot look like a badly sewn dress?"

"Uhhhhh"

"And why are you both in front of me and beside me?"

Crap. The human Starlight thought, She's onto me.

The pony Starlight facehoofed. "Twilight," she deadpanned, "that's clearly the human me, trying and horribly failing to pass herself off as me."

"Ah, yes..." Twilight nodded, "Even though I'm not Rarity, I'd recognize that potato-sack sewing anywhere."

"HEY!"

The author once again had no idea what to write?

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It's that time again!

Roll in the comments, and they might just become future chapters! :pinkiehappy:

Twilight was suddenly salad?

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"Girls?" Twilight suddenly blurted, moments after a blindingly bright flash of light, "I think I'm salad."

A clinking sound echoed throughout the hall as a living bowl of greens hopped into the room.

"Hoo, nelly!" Applejack exclaimed as she entered the room from the other side, "Boy, am I hungry!"

Twilight immediately froze at the hearing of Applejack's words. "H-hungry?" She whimpered, attempting to silently escape.

"Is anypony takin' that bowl o' salad over there?"

"Nope! Go ahead, AJ... though, I don't remember anypony ever bringing it here..."

Oh crap. Twilight thought, attempting with all her might to transform back.

Another bright flash momentarily blinded everypony in the room, dissipating to reveal...

A bigger bowl of salad.

Apache Helicopters overthrew Celestia?

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Celestia sipped her tea.

Or at least, she would've if it weren't for the fact that the tremendous roar that raged through her ears hadn't made her fling the cup at the nearest portrait of Prince Blueblood.

Additionally, the fact that it was just a low rumble a few minutes ago was a sure sign that something was growing closer, if not--

CRASH!

--already here.

Celestia fumbled with the shards of her teacup as she stared at the behemoths of metal that now sat before her, their blades shredding instantly through the portrait as if it were paper (it was).

Straightening herself, Celestia politely cleared her throat. "Ahem," she began, stepping forward, "I don't believe I've ever seen a machine quite li..." she paused, noticing the clear lack of any pilot, living or dead. "...I mean," she continued, "I don't believe I've ever met such a beast of metal such as yourselves."

The pair of helicopters that had destroyed the wall sat silent. One of them leaked oil onto the carpet.

"HEY!" Celestia suddenly burst, "THAT CARPET WAS CLEANED JUST AN HOUR AGO!"

Sensing immediate danger, both helicopters engaged their weapons, aiming directly at Celestia.

Celestia's eyes widened at the sight of the guns, taking a step back before bowing her head down, removing her crown. She promptly left Equestria, and to this day, a pair of Apache helicopters still rule Equestria. Though, one of them still needs a repair after crashing through the wall... there's oil smeared all over the castle.

Sunburst and Starlight switched places?

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Sunburst lounged in Twilight's seat, idly twirling Starswirl's scroll in the air with his magic as he awaited for the Princess of Friendship. As he heard hoofsteps drawing near, he quickly hid the scroll, instead idly whistling to himself as Twilight and Spike entered.


"...Um, who are you?" Spike asked, shaking Sunburst awake.

"GAH!" the stallion shouted back in return, falling from the seat in a very ungraceful method. "What's going on?! Where am I?"

"You've been sleeping in Twilight's seat for the past 2.564 hours."

"Ah ha!" Sunburst yelled, "I remember!"

Twilight and Spike questioningly stared at the stallion who was currently doing a victory whoop on the map table. Out of nowhere, a dirty sock landed on Twilight's face.

The mare shook her head in annoyance. "Please... just, whoever you are, state your business, please. You're already giving me a headache."

Sunburst nodded, and stepped down from the table. "Alright... um..." he whispered to himself, "What was it that I was gonna say again..."

He promptly pulled a parchment from underneath his cape, labeled in big, block letters, "PLAN TO DESTROY THE TIMELINE". After approximately half a minute of reading, he cleared his throat.

"Ahem," he began, "Princess Twilight, I am now about to destroy your timeline!"

"What?" Twilight snorted, "Why?"

Sunburst's eyes widened. "Um... because I can? And I want to prove my capabilities?"

A mug of coffee blinked into existence beside Twilight, who took a sip of the steaming liquid. "Go on," she pushed, "What other motives do you have for destroying reality as we know it?"

Sunburst shrugged in return, lighting his horn. "AND NOW," he began, "WITH THIS CONVENIENTLY STOLEN SCROLL, I SHALL CREATE THE ULTIMATE PARADOX!"

A blinding flash of light filled the room, accompanied by a low howling sound as Sunburst rose upwards, only to be swallowed by a giant time vortex thingy.

~~~5 minutes earlier...~~~

"Um... who are y--"

Sunburst promptly landed on top of Spike, awakening the Sunburst that was snoozing on the seat.

"Wahuh?" Sunburst from five minutes ago grumbled, rubbing an eye, "Did the plan work?"

The current time Sunburst shrugged. "You tell me. Does it look like I'm back with Starlight?"

Sunburst from five minutes ago shrugged in return.

~~~Back to the Future Present!~~~

Sunburst reemerged from the portal, expecting to find himself from five minutes ago preparing to travel to... five? Ten minutes ago? Either way, he expected to see himself in one way or another.

Except... he found himself standing face to face with a very creepily smiling mare, with a semi-obviously painted equal sign cutie mark on her flanks.

"Oh."

Canterlot was made of cheese?

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A mouse scurried through the air, for it was made of cheese. That is, the air was, not the mouse.

In fact, all of Canterlot was currently a massive, cheesy brick of... cheese.

Not much could be said about how it happened, or in fact, why, but there had been a rumor that mentioned that it may have been the doing of Celestia after she drunkenly dreamt of Gouda dreams.

Nopony really noticed, or really cared, for that matter. The orphans of Canterlot happily chewed their way through the cheese, and some even found their parents in the very tunnels they had eaten out.

Twilight screamed.

Everypony became Alicorns?

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"It is time."

"Time for what, M. A. Larson?"

"You shall see soon, my child."

"What do you mean?"

"Here, take this pair of wings and horn. Now, where's that button?"

"What butto--"


A single beam of golden light descended from above, unceremoniously horking out a large, gelatinous blob of slime. And no, it is not the Smooze.

Inside this blob, was an Alicorn.

Though, not just any Alicorn, for this Alicorn was the Alicorn of Alicorns. (And repetition, because why else would Alicorn be used four times in the previous sentence?"

Why did this Alicorn exist? Why, to ascend everypony, Alicorns included, into Alicorns, of course! Why else would M. A. Larson do such a thing?

Celestia? Alicorn.

Apple Bloom? Alicorn.

Big Mac? Certainly an Alicorn.

Trixie? Nah. Let her ascend herself. Let's make Starlight Glimmer an Alicorn instead!

Discord and the Twilicane are Alicorns, as well!

Even Boulder is an Alicorn!


Fluttershy worriedly stared at the Alicorn Angel Bunny.

Thorax wasn't actually a Changeling at all?

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"Thorax? It's Twilight!" came a voice from the door, accompanied by a quick series of knocks. "I'd like to speak to you about your horns!"

Thorax froze, his eyes darting towards the discarded neon-green suit that lay on his bed. Turning towards the mirror on his dresser, he remembered one little, itsy-bitsy, fatal flaw in him being the supposed "King of Changelings", or whatever they were called now.

He was actually a moose with limited shapeshifting abilities aided by curiously high-tech bodysuits from another galaxy. The original Thorax was accidentally smited by his landing shuttle, and so naturally, Moosy McMooseface replaced the little bugger.

But after experiencing his... coronation of sorts, it had only become harder for him to hide his true form.

Obviously, it was already too late for that, however, because...

"Thorax! Come on, your speech to Ponyville is almo--wut."

Here stood Thorax, King of all Changelings, struggling to fit himself into costume, and from Twilight's perspective, appeared to be molting his exoskeleton.

"Look, I can explain." Thorax nervously chuckled, holding up a drooping hoof of the costume.

"No, no." Twilight replied as she closed the door, "I'll just tell them that you're um... busy."

Later that night, Spike swore he heard Twilight screaming about changeling-moose crossbreeds.

An absurdly large amount of flashlights entered Twilight's life?

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Twilight awoke with a yawn, instantaneously gagging at the moment she performed the action, due to a flashlight suddenly becoming lodged in her throat.

*ACK!* *cough cough* *GPHLRAFT!*

Mere seconds later, a flashlight-shaped crater had formed on the wall opposite to Twilight, of whom was no longer choking. She took a deep breath, opening the drapes to let the blindingly bright, whitish-blue light to pour into her room.

Wait... that's not right... she thought, looking back out the window.

And lo and behold, the sun was missing, instead replaced by a massive LED flashlight, aiming directly at her window.

"Twilight?" Spike began, pushing the mare's door open, "I think there's something wrong with me..."

Twilight gawked as the purple and green flashlight waddled into her room, looking clearly sick.

"Spike? Is that you?" Twilight began, stepping closer to the living torch, "You're... um. You seem very bright today."

Spike made the best 'seriously?' face that he could make, but ultimately failed, because he was a Spike-colored flashlight.

"I bet Discord has something to do with this."

"Ya think?"

The bright light outside her window suddenly vanished, casting the room and its occupants into darkness.

"Well that happened." Twilight deadpanned, shuffling back towards the window.

Outside, there was... an absurdly large number of flashlights. Flash-burger lites, Enlightened Apples, Scootalite Chicken Edition, and of course, the giant, green, glow-in-the-dark flashlight that now made up the previous hills of grass.

Twilight went back to bed.

Sunglasses fused to the back of Twilight's head and everypony thought that it was an entirely different pony?

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"SPIKE!" Twilight called from her bathroom, "DID YOU SUPERGLUE SUNGLASSES TO THE BACK OF MY HEAD?!"

"No." Spike replied simply as he opened the bathroom door. "Why?"

It was at that moment when the young drake realized that he was no longer a child.

"Aaaaay, lookin' slick, yo!" Spike snided, making a gesture at the sunglasses poking out from underneath Twilight's mane.

"Who the hay are you talking to, Spike?"

"I'm talkin' to dis slick muthaf--"

Twilight glared at Spike.

Pinkie glared at Spike.

Pinkie continued glaring at Spike, until she noticed the sunglasses.

"Ooh! a new pony!" She squeaked, grabbing Twilight by her neck, "WE'RE GONNA PAR-TAY TONIGHT!"

As for Twilight, she had but a single word to say: "Ow."


Twilight groaned weakly as she rubbed her neck with a hoof. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were nearby, with the former carting a load of apples and the latter sleeping atop aforementioned apples.

"Howdy!" the farmer greeted, tipping her hat, "It's always nice ta see a new face 'round these parts..." She turned and briefly swatted Rainbow. "AIN'T IT, DASH?"

Rainbow let out a long, loud snore.

"Applejack," Twilight said sternly, "there's nopony other than me standing here."

Applejack shrugged. "Suit yourself," she mumbled, continuing on her way to the market.


As the hours passed, Twilight began to grow more and more uncomfortable with the looks she had been given by the ponies she met. Eventually nightfall came, and with it, Pinkie's party began.

Aside from having the focal point of the party being the pair of sunglasses on the back of Twilight's head, the party was actually quite amusing, with many ponies trying (and often failing) to do various stunts, with one of them even lighting themselves on fire.

Finally, after gathering up the nerve, Twilight confronted Pinkie.

"What does this new pony look like?" She asked, "I don't think I've ever seen them."

"Oh, the new pony? I haven't heard his name yet, but he's got this huge golden SWAG necklace that's like, almost as big as he is, and he's also got this mane that looks a lot like yours that covers almost his entire face, except for his sunglasses."

"Wut."

This chapter was written on a phone with all the plagues of autocorrect?

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"Twilight?"

"Yes, Rainbow?" Twilight replied, glancing up from the latest edition of 'Your Dragon and You: book 3'.

Rainbow paused for a moment, hesitating to reply. "I-- I..."

Twilight rolled her eyes and smirked. "You love me?"

Rainbow choked. "NO!" She shouted, slamming her hooves into the table. "It's Fluttershy!"

"So, you love Fluttershy?"

"No!"

"You HATE glitter shy?!

Rainbow stared questionably at her friend. "Glitter shy?" She asked, "who's that?"

Twilight snorted. "No, I said Flutter shy!"

"Why did you pause in the middle of flutter shy's name?" Rainbow continues, "Wait... Why am I doing thaoi?!"

Twilight tilted her head. "Thaoi?" She asked rainbow, "what does that mean?"

"I don't love fluttery, BT i don't hate her either! She's just a friend!"

Twilight shot a sideways glance at rainbow, a look filled with a menacing, dark glare...

"Riiiiiight." Twilight purred, "JUST a friend."

"What--no-- HEY!" rainbow replied, "that's not nice!"

Twilight grinned. "Who said I was Twilight? Who said I was EVER twilight?" The mare continued, standing up from her seat, "Why, for all you may know, I may just be your beloved Twilight, when in reality, I could be a--" she lashed out with a hoof at Rainbow, but held back just enough to avoid contact. "--ferocious beast of the Everfree--" her horn lot up, accompanied by the telltale signs of dark magic from her eyes "--a reincarnation of Sombra--" and finally, she gracefully somersaulted over Rainbow's head, landing as if she had simply taken a single step. "--a ninja, perhaps."

Rainbow simply stared as she watched the made she thought she knew make her way towards the door.

"In the end," twilight continued, "It isn't the pony that defines themselves, but rather their interpretation by others. It's your choice to see me as you wish, whether for the better or the worse."

The sound of the door shutting echoed throughout the crystal room.

Twilight's mane turned to cheese?

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Twilight screamed.

She screamed some more.

...and some more...

...and some more.

The mare continued her wailing throughout the day, throughout the night, for days on end. She didn't eat, sleep, nor drink, for she was immortal, and such lowly activities were unneeded.

She continued to scream, and by the second week, word of her frighteningly large lung capacity had spread throughout Equestria. Soon enough, the mare had grown an absurdly large gathering of followers, of whom donned large wigs of cheese, and belted out to their hearts' desires in the hoofsteps of their new god.

Celestia chuckled as she watched from her balcony, for she had created a religion by simply dumping a bucket of melted cheese on her former student as she slept.

The author was simultaneously bored and didn't want to write an update but decided to anyways?

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Farts Musical hotdogs riding mice decided to go drink sodas and then watch a movie.

And then Giant Meteorite came in and smashed things like Hulk but he wasn't Hulk because copyrights are expensive to settle and so the all-knowing writer decided to shamelessly grant an OC random bursts of strength.

Suddenly everything went boom.

ihuabilurhiouyg4t.

End then the chaos ended, and a new golden era of nothingness began, starting with...

This table flip. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

The author happened to have a huge buttload of things to do at once and began panicking because he didn't finish the 100 follower special in time yet and at the same time had to draw a freehand map of china for an assignment?

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"DERP" a stick cried, hitting Derpy square between the eyes.

Suddenly, Derpy became the stick-alicorn, with the power of long, brown, stick-y objects at her full control.

She promptly took over Equestria, because nopony likes getting hit endlessly with a tree branch.

The author had his first Finals Test of the school year starting tomorrow?

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Yup. Exactly what you expected. There ain't no story.

Or maybe... :trixieshiftright:

At least, that's what y'all are thinking. Rather, there is always a story, not written out upon a paper or on a screen, mind you, but rather inside us all. We all have our own stories to tell, our own experiences, thoughts, and emotions. These all come together to form us, and by extension, the story of us. By that means, there will always be another story to read, another page to turn, a new chapter to start. Our lives are governed by change, whether it be for the better, or for the worse. In the end, it all comes together to create your own story.

Hmm... if only there was some way to read what this strange block of nothing contains...

There wasn't such thing as Netflix & Chill?

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"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Twilight screamed, her mane flaming and smoking as it fluttered behind the panicked mare.

"SPIKE!" she continued to yell, "GET ME SOME WATER!"

Unfortunately, there was no water, for there was no Netflix, and therefore, there was no chill.

The mare continued her tirade of increasingly potent screaming.

Meanwhile, the author cackled devilishly as he slowly racked his mind for an original idea. In the end, however, he failed.

Cadance remained a pegasus?

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"Love stock?" Chrysalis sighed, worriedly watching her children scurry to and fro.

"Check." Thorax replied, never glancing away from the clipboard.

"Freely available love resources?"

Thorax frowned. "Noooooo. We've already utilized all of our current resources to their limit."

"That's bad."

"Yup." Thorax replied, tapping his chin with the quill, "If only there was a convenient marriage of a hypothetical 'Alicorn of Love' that we could try to feed off of..."

Chrysalis facehoofed.

"Thorax?"

"Yes, mother?"

"You're an imbecile."

"Oh."

The Smooze was actually just enchanted jello?

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~~~A not-so-long time ago, in a laboratory underneath your local Walmart...~~~

"Eureka!" Not-Twilight shouted, pulling a bowl of lime jello from her fridge, "My latest creation!"

A bushy-mustached Spike waddled into the room with a pouch of chips. "Jello again?" He grumbled, sitting himself on the worn couch, "Can't we have, like, spaghetti or something for dinner for once?"

The unicorn laughed heartily. "This is no ordinary jello, my good fellow," she rhymed, "For this jello shall now turn... yello!"

Spike facepalmed, pausing quickly to fix his mustache immediately after.

As he looked up, he noticed that the jello in the bowl wasn't growing yellower, but bigger.

Cool, he thought, growing jello so you don't have to make as much.

Unfortunately, that was his last thought before both he and Twilight were scooped up by the newly-formed Smooze, who was now about to rampage through the cereal aisle after escaping through the faculty door.

This is the reason why the Smooze still tastes like Fruit Loops to this day.

Every day was a relaxing day?

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Rainbow Dash gently floated in her pool raft, the wind creating a gentle current that rippled across the water's surface. To the side of the mare was a cup of lemonade, three-quarters full. It was a cloudless day, and a beautiful one at that. The sun stood high in the sky, spreading warmth across the land.

Spike and Twilight rowed bast the pegasus in a canoe, the mustached Spike singing off-tune melodies while Twilight shut herself into the world of literature, as per usual. Gentle buzzing filled the air as dragonflies flew to and fro within the bushes lining the pool, accompanied by the chirping of birds higher up on the branches of the swaying trees.

Fluttershy and Rarity sat at the far edge of the pool, discussing the currently-in-style "Organic textures" that abruptly took on the fashion market. As for Applejack and Pinkie Pie, the sudden tidal wave and accompanying splashes were the answer to their leap into the frigid water.


The grass shuffled in the wind, their brilliant green blades reflecting the colors of day off of the millions of minuscule dewdrops that attached themselves to the plants over the night. There was little sound to be heard, save for the whistle of the cool breeze, and the light humming of the fillies that walked the green. The school year was at last over for the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and a celebratory picnic, to them, was one of the best ways to end off the year.

Granny Smith sat beneath the shade of the trees lining the vast field, her occasional snorts being the only interruption to her slumber. At her side was Big Mac, who was currently doing nothing more than curiously watching the sunlight filter through the waving leaves of the trees.


The ground thumped with a brisk pace, pebbles rumbling along as eight legs flew overhead. The two royal sisters laughed wholeheartedly as they raced each other to and fro-- it didn't matter where they went, but how they went. Whether they found themselves within the Crystal Empire, the Everfree, or even the Badlands, it wouldn't matter.


The sky passed through its hues of purples, yellows, oranges, reds. The day was drawing to a close, the bright light of day replaced by the gentle glow of the nighttime sky.

...Heck? (What if the author no longer has any freakin' idea of what the site is anymore?)

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...

...

...

Wot in tarnation?

Seriously though, what happened to the good ol’ “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” rule?

I’m pretty sure Twilight would rant about the sudden layout change...

Meh. Time to re-learn 3/4 of the entire site... and figure out a way to get the general overall view count working again.

Spike was suddenly the ruler of Equestria?

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Spike idly scratched his back as he flipped another page of his comic.

Meanwhile, in Canterlot...

"Princess!" Guard_#3284_MLG_PRO_MASTAH exclaimed as he burst into Celestia's bedroom, "Your sister's gone!"

He was met with the sound of a cricket chirping, for Celestia was missing as well.

#1536ProN00bSlayer, the guard's assistant, promptly fainted.


The following day, Celestia and Luna snickered as they watched from their seaside invisible retreat cabin as the televised crowning of Spike took place.

As for Twilight, the mare said nothing. After all, she was currently stuck as a cricket.

The author just couldn't write comedy anymore?

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“Eheheheh... knock knock?”

“Who’s there?”

...

...

“Nevermind.”

...

...

“Shall we never speak of this again?”

“Yeah.”

“Why does a pony like you wish to jest with I, Tirek, anyways?”

“I don’t even know anymore...”

Spike was replaced with a sentient paperclip?

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"It looks like you're trying to wake up! Would you like some assistance?"

Twilight yawned, rubbing her eyes slowly as she let out a slow, mumbling, "What?"

"It looks like you might have trouble hearing. Allow me to assist." the paperclip replied calmly, shoving a Q-Tip into the mare's ear.

"GAH!"

"It looks like you're surprised. Would you like a chill pill?"

Twilight grunted, plucking the fluffy stick from her ear canal. "No." she replied, peeling herself from the covers.


"It looks like you're trying to poop rainbows," Clippy began, emerging from behind Twilight's shower curtain, "Would you like for me to help?"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, CLIPPY! UNICORNS DON'T CRAP RAINBOWS!"

"It looks like you have anger issues. Do you want me to call a psychiatrist?"

"No."


"It looks like you're trying to sort books. Would you like them sorted alphabetically?"

"Yes, please, Clippy. Don't screw it up like when you tried making breakfast."

...

...

"Your books have been sorted from most to least obnoxious."

The sound of Twilight's facehoof reverberated throughout the castle.


"It looks like you're trying to enjoy yourse--"

"GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, CLIPPY!" Twilight screamed, throwing a book at the disembodied office material.


"It looks like you're having some fun with your friends. Allow me to join?"

Twilight sighed. "Fine, but stay away from Rarity, Clippy. You know how much she dislikes you getting caught in her mane."

"TWILIGHT! GET YOUR PET OUT OF MY MANE!"

Once again, Twilight facehoofed.


"It looks like you're trying to save Equestria. A̶ͨl̢ͤͣ͑̌l̬ͭ́o̝͎̘̭͌ͭͦw̨͚̖̗͔̺̮͗ͫ ͇̯̪̤̄ͧ̑̒͞m̟̲̘͍̥̞̣̉e̺͔̪͎̦̫͈̅́̈́̃̚ ̗̲̙̲͐͋̾̏ͤͮ̎t̗̰̟̟̞̺̖ͭ͗̃o̩̫̞̰̜̦ͬ͋̏ͥ̃̀ ̮̌͊́ā̶͙̥̬̱̎̔̉ss̖̬͚̞̈́̈ͯ͒ͪi̼̲̒s̨̺͗̿t̹͙̳̰͙̝̘̅͂ ͈͚̻͑͐̌̆͂̇̅ͅī̮̝̘̺͔͉̋ͬ̀̉͐̍͘n̼̏ͦ̍ͮͯ͂͠ ̭̻̠͖̖̭͂̂̋̐͌͛͋͞s̷̲͉m̰̃ͦ̍i̗̓̃̔̚͜t̻̙̭i̟͎̪̺̩͑̆͢ņ̩̦̩̮̟͍̇͛͑̄͋̓͂g̵͕̰̾͊͑͊̆̿ ̡͙̙̜̤t̤͓͙̠͗ͩͮ͗͡h̒͝ẽ̴̩ͩ̌̈́̅͌ͭe͆͗́͛͏̜̱̦̠̗̝͙ ̸̘̝̻͈̯̰̀ͭͅo͔ͧ̉͑t̨̞͋̉͗̈hͥ͝e͍͗̈ͧ̑̋r̥͓̻̲͖̗̈́ͬ̈́w̙̣̥̻̝oͯ͂͗ͬr̦̱̀̌l͙̝ͫ̒̈d͈̟͍́ͯͯͥ̄͐̎l̩͚̒̓̏ͣ̅̈́y̵̹͐̅͆̆ ̣̜̖̩̲̼͡d̵͓̭̤̜̼͔e̱̟͙̻̭̭̯ͯ̽͊̚̚m̛ͩ̒o̳̗͖̬͙̞ͤ̔̏͛ͩ̇ǹ͔̗̪͎̟̐̊ͦ ̣͎̺͎t̝͈ͪ̍͌̓hͮͧ͛̄ͭ̑̕a̖̰̻͛tͤ҉̟̮̬̰̼ͅ ̈c͗̑ͤ̃͒̓h̪͈̩ͦ̈̎ͯ̾ͩ͟a̤̥͙ͫ̇͊ͨͭͯl͖̳̳̏̇̐̔̅̌͐͝l͇̺̣͇̪̎e̩̮̹̰̮̰ͯͫ͒ͭ͐ñ̲ͬ̋ͮ͆̎͞g̺̗̯̩̯̜̭ͬ̔͗͂ḙ͎̭̭̤̖̣̋ͣ̌ͩ͑̚͢s͈̟͚̋̄ ̨̖͙͈͈̗͉͒̅͋̐͒yͨ̐͊̏̓̓͂e̒̑̀ͨ̅ͨ?̵̪̝̗̯̃͋ "

"What." Twilight deadpanned, freezing time to open her assistant's control panel.

One registry tweak later, and the paperclip was back to normal.

"It looks like you've changed my settings. Would you like to restart Reality XP to apply your changes?"

"No, thank you."

Shutting down Reality XP...

Applying update 1/531760...

...

Applying update 2/531760...

...


Booting Reality XP...

Welcome.

"CLIIIIIPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYY!" Twilight hollered.


It looks you're writing horse words. Would you like some assistance?

Wait, wha-- NO!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

A bonus chapter was called for in relation to the previous chapter?

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"Clippy," Twilight began slowly, "I think I might have to uninstall you from Reality."

"It looks like you're trying to uninstall me from Reality. Would you like to launch BSOD.EXE?"

"Clippy, no. Stay right here. I'm gonna get the uninstallation script."

Reality XP has encountered an illegal operation and must be shut down.

Universe.exe has imploded out of sheer stupidity.

Rainbow Dash suddenly became a tank and Fluttershy was literally a giant Apache helicopter?

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Rainbow Dash dreamed of flying. Of course, she'd been flying for practically the entirety of her life, so why wouldn't she?

The thing is, she now dreamt of flying because she couldn't fly. No wings, no legs, no nothing. Just a freakin' artillery barrel and tank treads.

Why? She didn't know.

How? She didn't know that either.

All she knew was that she was suddenly a tank. And no, she wasn't her pet. She was a machine of mass destruction.

At least she could still fly.

Wait, you say that I mentioned that she couldn't fly earlier? I meant she couldn't by herself. She still can, with the power of Fluttershy the Giant Tank-Drone-Delivery-Thing That Definitely Isn't A Pimped Apache Helicopter. AKA, FtGTDDTTDIAPAH.

Most ponies gave up on the acronym and just shortened it to DIAPAH. Unfortunately for Fluttershy, this sounded a bit too close to "diaper" for her comfort. But who was she to complain? She was pretty much bringing Rainbow Dash everywhere now, and it wasn't exactly logical to put a mouth on a helicopter in the first place, anyways.

Also, Rainbow Dash now had the ability to fire so-called "RainBOOM Canisters". So that was a thing.

Meerkat meerkat muffins? OH YEAH!

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"Meerkat?" Twilight Sparkle asked herself, worriedly glancing out the window of her castle.

"Meerkat meerkat." Spike agreed, "Meerkat meerkats meerkatting meerkats."

"MUFFINS!" Derpy screamed, bursting through said window.

"MEERKAAAAAAAT!" Twilight screeched in return, jumping back in surprise.

"OH YEAH!" The Kool-Aid man hollered, bursting through the foundational walls of the castle.

"WHOOSH!" went the castle as it collapsed due to its compromised structural integrity.

The author finally axed a story after giving up on it months prior?

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RIP Twilight finds herself in Generation 1.

And honestly, I'm relieved that I don't have to go through every frackin' episode of Gen 1 + movies just to write a Gen 1 crossover fic anymore.

What's this "Gen 1" that you keep talking about?

Oh god, please no, Pinkie, NO--

*keyboard rattling noises*

Applejack was perpetually tiny, and only grew smaller?

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"Who let Appletini in here?" Spike deadpanned, staring at the miniscule pony sitting atop the hoofrest of her chair-throne-thing.

"Ah did, Spike! Ah did!" Applejack squeaked, suddenly shrinking to half her size. Again.

"Huh?" Spike began, "Where'd she go? I swear she was right here a moment ago..."

Meanwhile, Applejack floated away on a dust particle, ready to explore worlds beyond the confines of Equestria.

And maybe find a way to grow back to normal size.

Pinkie Pie encountered a genie?

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Pinkie searched high and low for Gummy. The 'gator hadn't been seen for the past week, and Pinie was beginning to become rather... unhinged. Especially if one asked the customers of Sugarcube Corner.

"WHERE ARE YOU, GUMMY?!" She hollered, flipping a nearby table and narrowly missing a customer.

In a matter of seconds, all that was left of the storefront was a plaster of leaflets, all identical, all donning the image of a tiny reptile that belonged to a hyperactive mare.


Pinkie shed a tear as she lay down in her bed. Gummy would be forever missed to her, and she--

"WHO DARES AWAKEN ME FROM MY SLUMBER?!" A decidedly loud voice boomed over Pinkie.

The mare immediately perked up from bed, confusedly staring at the pillow the voice had emanated from.

"AHEM. I'M TALKING TO YOU," the voice continued, "DO YOU WANT WISHES, OR SHALL I RESUME MY REST?"

"Ooh!" Pinkie cheered, "Wishies!"

A hovering, ghostly image of Gummy emerged from the pillow. "As you wish." the image began, "Are you in any way familiar with the ways of genies?"

"Yup!" Pinkie answered, "Three wishes, no necromancy, no Jedi Mind-Tricks, no wishing for more wishes, no forcing people into love, no summoning Tirek from the worlds below, and--"

"Okay, sheesh," the Gummy-like genie responded, "I get it, you've met a genie before."

"Nope!" Pinkie chirped, oblivious to the fact that the real Gummy had just crawled into her lap from underneath her bed.

"..."

"Well I'll be." The genie finally continued, "Now then, let's get on with this shebang, eh? What's your first wish?"

Pinkie thought long and hard, her thinker thinking of a thought to think about so that her think-machine could ink the thought into a idea for her mouth to think out loud.

"I'd like to see my--" Pinkie paused, staring down at the now-slumbering Gummy. "um... World Peace Plan happen!"

The genie nodded. "As you wish." it stated, "What is this plan of yours?"

"No bad guys!" Pinkie said happily, "EVER!"

"As you wish."


Meanwhile, Tirek suddenly became Celestia's cake butler, and while surprised that he was out of Tartarus, found it impossible to steal magic anymore. Combined with Celestia's trollish antics, he quickly lost his will for domination.

Also, the Sirens were suddenly smashing pop hits that continuously topped the charts.

And Chrysalis was now the Element of Love, much to the jealousy of Cadance.

...And Flufflepuff was born from a swarm of Parasprites transmutating after falling into the Mirror Pool. Somehow.


The genie held up three fingers, but blew away one of them. "You now have TWO wishes!" they declared, "What is your second wish?"

"Hmm..." Pinkie began. "Ooh!" she suddenly realized, "I wanna be with my friends for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever--"

"Forever?" the genie deadpanned.

"FOREVER!" Pinkie screeched.

The genie nodded. "As you wish."

Suddenly, everypony in Ponyville became an Alicorn. Why? Because Pinkie was friends with them, of course. But Pinkie didn't know that. Yet.

"And your final wish?" The genie finally began, "I'd advise that you make this one count."

"Free you?" Pinkie asked, remembering a certain movie.

"Nah brah." The genie declared, "I'm not that kinda genie, y'know. I've got my own life still."

"Huh." Pinkie began, "What about..."


Somewhere on the opposite end of Equestria inside a suddenly-appearing Temple of Nothing In Particular, a pocket universe dedicated entirely to Pinkie Pie and her friends was created with a blinding flash of pure energy, incidentally irradiating everything within a 100-mile radius.


Pinkie gasped, and suddenly jumped into a personal portal through the multiverse as the Genie completed her final wish.

"Where ya goin?" the genie asked as Pinkie disappeared into the portal.

Just before she vanished, Pinkie shouted back, "I SENSE A DISTURBANCE IN THE HORSE!"


Meanwhile, on Earth...

Mr. Sir Anon Anonymous the Third of the House of Anon unloaded his pickup truck of hay to the local farmer, wiping his brow with an arm.

That is, would've wiped his brow with an arm if it weren't for a certain mare plummeting onto his face.

"WHERE'S THE HORSE, ANON?!" Pinkie shouted, "WHERE IS IT?!"

Anon's muffled voice came unnoticed from underneath Pinkie.

"Whoops." Pinkie began, backing off of her old interdimensional friend from beyond the fourth wall, "Sorry."

"Pinkie." Anon began, "TJ is perfectly fine. Megan's got good care of her."

It was at this moment, when Pinkie realized...

"ANON!" Pinkie shouted again, pulling the mask off of Anon, "YOU'RE THE HORSE!"

Anon snorted. "Fine," he began, "So your Pinkie Sense finally detected my true form, but you'll never know my FINAL FORM!"

With that, Mister Sir Anon Anonymous the Third of the House of AnonHorse blasted away on his rocket-propelled flip-flop horseshoes.

"Fine then." Pinkie pouted, "I'm going home."


Pinkie shot out at Mach-2 speeds from her portal, headbutting the quietly-reading genie in the gut.

And revealing the guy to just be Discord wearing a horsehead mask painted to look like Gummy.

Because reasons.

Rarity became an edgelord?

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"There is no joy in life." Rarity grumbled, "Only suffering. And death. Lots of death."

Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "For the last time, sis, this trend of being ‘edgy’ just makes you look stupid!"

"You’ll regret that the day you wake up to sewing needles in your voodoo doll..."

"RARITY!"

"WHAT?!" snapped Rarity from behind her jet-black dyed mane, “Can’t you see that I’m internally fuming?!"

Except Sweetie Belle was gone, for the sheer level cringe had resulted in the filly vanishing from the universe in search for a new reality. Because screw it, the author’s getting tired and doesn’t know how to edginess.

Rainbow Dash was her own mother?

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"Honey?" Bow Hot Hoof called from the other side of the bathroom door, "What's taking so long? Is there something wrong?"

Rainbow Dash froze in fear, her fur and mane still dripping wet from the bath that she had just woken up from.

"Just a minute!" She replied, putting on her 'Mom voice'.

"Go watch Dashie when you come out, alright? She's out playing in the yard."

Rainbow Dash, or Windy Whistles, as her husband knew her, sighed deeply. It had been almost a decade since she was mistakenly sent back in time, and even now, it didn't seem like the Future Equestria cared much, judging by the fact that she still hadn't been rescued.

And during that time, she had met the love of her life-- her husband, of whom, creepily, (even to her), was at the same time, her own father.

But it didn't matter anymore, really. Rainbow had since given up on the hope of returning to the present, and instead focused on enjoying the remainder of her life. But once again, strangely, it all goes full-circle, starting with Bow Hot Hoof insisting on the name "Rainbow Dash" for their foal, to the eerie correlation between the elder Rainbow Dash and the filly counterpart that now wobbled around on four tiny legs.

"Hurry up!" Bow called again, knocking on the door, "Dashie wants to go potty!"

Rainbow Dash snapped back to reality, quickly locating the hidden compartment under a floor tile with her hair dye. A short moment of brushing the aforementioned dye in later, and all hints of technicolor mane and tail were drowned under a sea of pastel reds and oranges.

As for her cutie mark-- she had gotten it tattooed over with her "Windy Whistles" mark, leaving the remainder of the uncovered mark to once again be covered with a light coat of dye.

As she exited the bathroom, Rainbow Dash, savior of Equestria, disappeared, and Windy Whistles, loving mother to a future Wonderbolt, emerged.

The number 8 was used in almost every conversation ever?

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Fisher pony walked up to the Salespony.

"Good day, m8," the Salespony chirped, "How was the b8?"

Fisher pony smiled. "I r8 8/8, m8." he replied.

"Well 8n't that gr8!" Salespony responded, "Would you like an instant reb8?"

"Nah, m8. I'm gonna go home and get some cr8s."

"Well, don't forget to come by on a l8er d8!"

"Yup," the Fisher pony continued, "though next time I'm gonna keep my g8 eye out for them g8ers."


"What do you do for a living, m8?" the Interviewer began, looking up from a notepad.

"I have a pretty gr8 r8 of cleaning pl8s." the Janitor said cheerily.

"Gr8!" the Interviewer replied, "Welcome to the Gr8 Sl8 Pl8 Fr8!"

"One more thing--" the Janitor continued, "With this job, will I get my own pair of sk8s?"

"Yup."

"Gr8!"

Twilight never had friends to begin with?

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"Hehe..." Twilight chuckled maniacally, deep within her not-so-underground laboratory, "If I can't make friends..." she began, "I'll MAKE them!"

"Twilight," Spike noted from beneath the pile of cloth that was his oversized labcoat, "You just said that you'll make friends if you can't make friends."

"EXACTLY!" Twilight cackled, the Dramatic Sparks of ElectricityTM crackling about her on the glowing screens mounted across the walls and ceiling.

"Yeah." Spike noted, slipping from his labcoat, "She's lost it. Again. I'm out. See ya!"

Twilight, entirely oblivious to Spike's departure from the lab, continued her psychotic bout of laughter for about another half an hour, before her now-sore throat forced her to stop in a flurry of coughing.

Once she recovered, however, her eyes set on the large, red button in the middle of the barren control panel of her latest creation.

Instantly, her crazed grin reemerged, and her hoof slammed flatly against the aforementioned button.

"BOOTING FRIENDBOT REVISION 2." A metallic voice echoed across the building, "PLEASE PROVIDE A NAME FOR FRIENDBOT."

The room went silent for a moment, save for the clacking of a keyboard.

"NAME REGISTERED: TWILIGHT'S FRIENDBOT." the voice screeched, taking the name Twilight had just entered.

"TWILIGHT'S FRIENDBOT WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH TWILIGHT." it continued, slowly growing quieter as the program uploaded itself to a metallic body.

The patchwork creation of tin cans and scrapyard junk rose from the test bench, lumbering loudly towards Twilight.

"HAHA!" Twilight bellowed, before being tackled by the scrap heap of a robot in a crushing hug.


Spike licked the ice cream, completely oblivious to the world as his mind spiralled inwards towards pondering about his adoptive mother's internal insanity.

Randomness happened?

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"...What ARE you?"

"I'm a Taco Fish!"

"...don't you mean a fish taco?"

"No," Sonata replied through a mouthful of tacos, "I'm a taco fish!"

Randomness happened 2?

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"ALRIGHT, YA HEY'in DWEEBS, HANDS UP!" Spike shouted as he kicked the door open to the base of operations of an underground cult.

"Excuse me," a stallion deadpanned as he set down his playing cards, "What was that again?"

Spike rushed angrily to the stallion, shoving the bayonet attached to his AK-47 against the neck of the pony.

"I said," Spike repeated, "You're a CHILD FRIENDLY!'in DWEEB, ya--"

Spike blinked, realizing what he had said.

"ShSTOP IT!." Spike said under his breath, following up with "FLISTEN!k, dI SAID STOP IT!... uh, freakin' crap."

GOOD.

Spike cleaned an ear with a claw.

DON'T THINK THAT I'M NOT WATCHING, SPIKE!

Just then, the mare that the voice belonged to-- Pinkamena Diane Pie, or 'Pinkie', as she was commonly known as, trudged into the room, her head hung low as she placed a glass of water on the table that the stallion had been sitting at. With a nod, and a mischievous wink towards Spike, she disappeared back into the side room she had entered from.

"What." Spike said flatly, dropping the gun and unknowingly releasing the stallion.

"You'll never catch me, ya cI'LL BE COMING FOR YOU!!"

This time, it was the stallion who paused upon hearing a certain pink mare's voice blot out his words. Unfortunately, this was enough time for Spike to tackle and capture the pony with a swift and definitely-not-fatal barrage of fire.


"Your highness," Spike began, kneeling before the Princesses, "I have captured the saboteur."

"Arf." Celestia nodded, turning to her fellow canine sisters, who made various dog-related noises in agreement.

"Very well then, Spike continued, his eyes fooled into the illusion of the Princesses sitting before him being ponies. "I shall return to my chambers until you deploy me once more."

As Spike left, the four (five, counting the puppy,) alicorn-dog-things howled in their victory.

And Pinkie Pie went to the grocery store to buy some silverware.

This fic became meta?

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Twilight stared at the page that she had just mindlessly jotted down at the dictation of her assistant, while Spike grinned gleefully over her shoulder.

"This is garbage." she deadpanned, pointing at the page in question.

Spike shrugged. "Hey, you were the one that began writing this thing."

Twilight made a face. "Well you were the one that told me to write this!"

"No," Spike countered, "I suggested that you should write this! You were the one doing the writing!"


Somewhere, high above the two squabbling beings, the almighty narrator and true author of the story stood up, and left the room for some popcorn.

Rainbow Dash was allergic to pies?

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"Really, Pinkie," Rainbow coughed through her reddened face, "Please, stop it with the pies!"

Pinkie made a face, hurling another pie at her friend.

Though, it never hit, as Rainbow sneezed the whole thing to bits.

Finally, it clicked in Pinkie's mind.

Her friend was allergic to pie crust.

Pinkie threw a toast waffle at Rainbow Dash.

Randomness Happened 3?

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"Bork." Twilight barked, looking up from her book.

"Twilight," Spike deadpanned as he looked up from his comic, "Did you turn yourself into a dog again?"

"Bork bork."

Spike looked back down at his comic. "As I suspected."

Twilight proceeded to chase her tail for the next three hours until the spell wore off.

The author got Netflix?

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What, you expected me to be productive when watching movies?

Spike had a dirty mind?

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Spike stared through his binoculars at a certain mare's behind.

SPIKE! Twilight shouted, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT OGLING RARITY'S PLOT?!

Spike spun his binoculars around to Twilight. Or at least, the incredibly reflective wall that at the moment showed a certain mare's bits off rather well.

And it was Twilight's plot, to be specific.

"Heheh. Butts." Spike mumbled as Twilight snatched the binoculars from him.

Space Cats?

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"Meow."

"SPIKE!" Twilight hollered from the control panel of the EQ-SOL-1 rocket, "WHY THE BUCK IS THERE A SPACE CAT?!"

But alas, it was too late, for dear old Spike was now in his space suit, stroking the glamorous space-fur of the space-cat.

"Meow."

Spike was a Kewl Boi?

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"Who's a good boyyyy?" Human Twilight cooed, smooshing Spike the dog's cheeks.

"Stahp ittt." Spike slurred in return through his aforementioned squished cheeks.

"Aww, is lil' Spiko grumpy?"

"No." Spike snapped, slapping Twilight's hand with a paw.

"Are you a cool boy?" Twilight continued, ignoring Spike's desperate hand-slapping as she placed a pair of sunglasses over the dog's eyes.

A bright flash of light suddenly burst from Spike, lasting for several seconds before fading.

"Yes." Spike boomed from high atop his throne of dog treats and golden toys, "I am indeed a Cool Boy."

"What."

The Mane 6 were just Twilight's various personalities?

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"Should we check on her?" A guard whispered to another as Twilight cackled in Pinkie's voice within the asylum.

The other guard shuddered. "No," he replied simply, "Her... complications might spread."


"Oh, Pinkie," Twilight shouted as Rarity, "WHY YOU SO FUNNAY?!"

"Oh, come on, Rainbow Dash's voice rung out, "Do you guys even realize where we are?!"

Amidst the squabbles of the many sides of Twilight, the mare herself was nowhere to be found.

The author was currently fixated on studying for yet another barrage of quizzes and tests?

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Haha. High school AP classes, amirite?

Though, I spent about ten our so minutes working on an upcoming one-shot building off of an idea I introduced in Equestrian Human...

The author now cannot sleep?

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"Hey, I'd like to introduce you to my religion."

The man raised a brow, glancing at the strange figure in priestly robes.

And then a fluffy pony plot was shoved in his face.

"I'm interested." Was all the man replied.

Randomness happened 4?

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"WAITER!" Derpy shouted from her table, "THERE. IS. A. SOUP. IN. MY. SOUP!"

For the umpteenth time, Twilight facehoofed. "No, Derpy, your soup is supposed to have soup in it."

"Oh. Sorry... WAITER! THERE'S A SPOON IN MY SOUP!"

Twilight left the restaurant.

The Fried Chicken Dealer came to Twilight?

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Twilight grimaced as she warily eyed the towering stacks of papers that she soon had to work through.

She sighed as she pulled the first flimsy sheet from the very top of the stack, rubbing an eye with a hoof as she pulled out her quill set.

*knock knock*

"Who's there?" Twilight called, rising from her seat to check the door.

She opened her study door. Nobody. Which meant that it'd either be the bathroom door, the closet door, the sexy dungeon door basement door, or the most likely of all: the front door.


The door sat ajar just a sliver, a slight breeze passing through it as Twilight neared.

Somepony's here... Twilight thought, preparing a shield spell for casting.

"Would you be interested in fried chicken and fried chicken accessories?" a deep, gruff, and definitely not creepy dark voice called from the shadows.

"..."

A stallion stepped from the shadows in a large trenchcoat, surprising Twilight. In response, the mare instinctively shot a dazzling laser at the strange pony, only to watch as the stallion simply absorbed the blow into his body.

The stallion wobbled ever so slightly from the blast, seemingly dazed, but otherwise unharmed. Moments later, he shook himself from the trance-like state, and refocused his attention on Twilight.

"Now," he said once more in that ever-so-deep voice, "Would you be interested in some--" he whipped open his trenchcoat, prompting Twilight to scream as she covered her eyes.

"L-LEWD!" Twilight shrieked from behind her hooves. Except... upon lowering them ever so slightly, she noticed... there was hardly anything disturbing. Just... buckets.

"--Chicken?" The pony then finished, the buckets filling with fried chicken before Twilight's very eyes.

"Uhhhhhhh..." Twilight began, confused by the entire event.

"Only five-ninety-nine," the apparition grinned through rotting teeth, "...not counting tax."

"STAHP!" Celestia shrieked as she burst through a window, "YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT THAT!"

Twilight nodded in short response to Celestia's sudden entrance and following outburst. Charging her horn for attack, she fired a barrage of spells at the stallion.

...Only to have them pass straight through him.

"Twilight." Celestia began, ignoring the wall-tentacles that flooded her field of vision, "That stallion sells drugged food."

But it was too late, for simply the smell alone was enough.

Twilight shrieked as a tap-dancing Trixie-Starlight duo entered the room on an upside-down apache helicopter of doom.

Applejack sold propane and propane accessories?

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"Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres!" Applejack chided cheerfully, "Where y'all can find all of your propane and propane-accessory-related goods!"

Twilight frowned. "I just wanted an apple, Applejack."

In a blur of color, Applejack now stood inches from Twilight, her entire body trembling with rage.

"I. Am. Past. That." she hissed, retreating into her propane tank-shaped barn.

Short to say, Ponyville burned that night.

THE GREAT FLARPETY-FLARP MADE AN APPEARANCE?!?!

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Celestia tried to hold it in, but she couldn't.

The beans, she thought, they were too much for my feeble and weakened body...

And just like that, the pressure was gone.

And the resulting fart caused widespread destruction all across Equestria due to its nature of being practically a flaming laser of bean-induced doom.

Randomness happened 5?

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I finished my homework earlier than I expected. Probably the multitasking.

Um...

SUDDENLY, A FLAMING BALL OF RAINBOWS CRASH LANDED IN PONYVILLE.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Twilight hollered, pointing a shaky hoof at the flaming crater.

"I'M OKAY!" Rainbow Dash yelled in return from the center of the crater. "I WAS JUST TESTING A SPEED SPELL!"

"WHERE THE BUCK DID YOU GET A FREAKIN' SPEED SPELL?!" Twilight continued hollering towards Rainbow, "YOU CAN'T EVEN CAST SPELLS!"

An alicorn-ified Rainbow Dash majestically appeared before Twilight.

"Ha." she smirked, "Says you."

The author just wanted to play Minecraft but Comcast was just all like "NOPE! YOUR INTERNET'S DOWN NOW!"

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Because screw you, Comcast. All I want to do is play on a minecraft server for the first time in nearly a month. And preferably not get kicked with a timeout error every 5-10 minutes of playing.

It was all a simulation?

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Twilight looked up from her book out of boredom. Not that there was anything of particular interest, but still.

A bookshelf sat directly opposite to her.

And for some reason, Spike was making a ridiculous pose.

Twilight gazed back towards her book.

In a surprising burst of sound, Spike suddenly teleported clear to the other side of the room, before once again "freezing" at the door.

Raising a brow, Twilight rose, and cantered towards Spike.

Except Spike was gone. He was beside the chair Twilight was sitting in, seemingly asking her a question, though she wasn't there.

Twilight sighed, and sat back down.

At the same time, Spike zipped towards the door again, right next to where Twilight was just standing.

And then it all came down.

The walls, floor, ceiling, and everything in the room, save for Twilight herself, dramatically disintegrated into flecks of indistinguishable particles.

And then it was dark.

"Timeout error." a large, red block-text blared in Twilight's face, "Please reconnect to continue."

"What." Twilight deadpanned, waking in the real world from her hospital bed, shaking the VR headset from her face.

Except she wasn't a pony anymore. She was a human. And according to her wristband, she'd been unconscious for over a decade.

"What." she repeated again, staring back at the strange "Pony-Me Experience!" headset.

Spike was a goldfish?

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"Blub." Spike bubbled in his tank.

"You are the worst assistant ever." Twilight mused with malice, "I should've hatched that dragon egg instead."

"Blub."

Equestria was a giant loaf of bread?

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Twilight stared in disbelief at the scene before her.

Also, every major town and city in Equestria was now a crater because ponies were eating the ground.

Because reasons.

...

...

Ignore the five second rule. The ground is the food.

Randomness happened 6?

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"What are you, good sir?" a Twilight with a heavy British accent yelled to the figure in the distance.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, TWI," the figure yelled back, "I. AM. A. TOASTER."

"OKAY." Twilight shouted to her toaster.

The TRIGGERING happened?

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"AGH!" Twilight hollered as she kicked a book, further angering herself over the fact that she had, indeed, just brought a soiled, filthy hoof to the pristine covers of the tome.

"STAAAAAAAAHP!" Spike yelled back, covering his head with a pillow, "I SAID STOP SCREAMING!"

"BUT I LIKE LOUD NOISES!" Pinkie suddenly screeched as she burst in through the window.

"HEY!" The hired window-cleaner screamed, "I JUST CLEANED THAT!"

"SERVES YOU RIGHT!" Rarity screamed, pointing a hoof at the stallion, "YOU DIDN'T CLEAN IT RIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"RARITY!" Rainbow yelled as she tackled the unicorn, "STOP GETTING IN OTHER PONIES' FACES!"

"Um... Rainbow?" Fluttershy peeped, emerging from the bushes, "You're getting in another pony's face..."

"FLUTTERSHY!" A Fluttershy clone boomed from the mirror-pool, "STOP DISTURBING THE BUSHES!"

"NO!" a nearby gardener objected, "THOSE ARE MY BUSHES, AND I CALL THEM BUSHY!"

"Y'ALL AIN'T TRIMMING 'EM RIGHT," Apple pony hollered, "THEY NEED TO BE TRIMMED AT A 90 DEGREE ANGLE!"

"HEY!" Twilight yelled, "I'M THE MATHY ONE!"

"YOu dOn'T KNow ANythINg ABouT MaTH," nearby generic Math pony said, "stOP TrYinG tO sTEal MAi SPotLighT!"

Twilight chucked a book at the pony, and upon realizing what she had done, proceeded to begin the triggering loop anew.

Rarity was as nerdy as Twilight?

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"My Fabulosity Equivalents!" Rarity gasped, pulling a sheet of burnt paper from underneath Sweetie Belle's mixing bowl, "NOOOOOOOO!"

"Sis." Sweetie deadpanned, "Just because you design dresses according to geometric patterns doesn't mean that you need to write out equations for everything."

"Psh." Rarity dismissed with a hoof, "You need to know the math before you can truly appreciate it. As the great Starswirl once said--"

"--no." Sweetie cut off, "Stop it. Get some help."

"From?" Rarity began, turning with the burnt paper in her grasp.

"...Twilight?" Sweetie answered.

Rarity's eyes widened. "Yes!" she shrieked, "With all her knowledge on everything, she'd surely know how to improve my dresses even further!"

"...no." Sweetie continued as the door slammed shut, "...um... who was it... Lyra? No... um... Coco? Yeah, I think that Coco would be able to--" Sweetie Belle stopped as she realized that the room was empty.

Twilight encountered a Salt Lick block?

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"Human." Twilight deadpanned to the farmer standing beside her in the human world, "What is that horse doing?"

"Why, ol' Clacker there's just takin' a lick of the salt lick."

"..."

"What, ya got somethin' against that? It's for their health, y'know."

"What are they made out of?"

"Salt and other essential nutrients for the horses. Why?"

"Um..." Twilight began, "Gotta go!"


Twilight proceeded to become a multi-millionaire in Equestria's healthcare industry.

Because Salt Lick blocks.

And salty lollypops.

...

...

And technically it was Rarity that did the marketing. Twilight brought the idea.

...

...

Surprisingly, Rarity reacted rather well to the idea of licking a block of minerals on a stick.

The author lost his nice apple earbuds?

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Welp. Back to using crap earbuds for now. I mean, I do have a pair of bluetooth headphones from Sony, but they're a bit too bulky to safely carry in my backpack or use daily at school. All I know is that I had the earbuds in my pocket when school started, but by the end of first period when I reached into my pocket to plug them in, they were gone.

Hopefully, they're just in my school's Lost & Found. If not, I guess I'll just have to wait 'till I have the chance to order a new $25 or so pair on Amazon.

Well then.

...

...

PINKIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY KEYBOAROUILU@HLI*&(

Rainbow Dash bucked a Big Barrel of Brutish Baddies?

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One barrel went careening off of the side of Neighagra Falls. Inside it was a shrieking Sombra.

Next went Tirek, who had been shrunken by Discord even further to mess with him. He tumbled within a plastic toy barrel meant for the monkey-in-a-barrel line of foal's toys. Complete with monkeys.

After that the Storm King's petrified body was bucked straight off of the top of the falls at full-force.

Queen Chrysalis was thrown overboard next, screaming curses and bloody murder towards the changelings that betrayed her as she fell towards the bottom.

Finally, a large pile of pies in a barrel was dumped via wheelbarrow. Because Rainbow doesn't like pies.

Flubbadub?

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"..."

Twilight stared at the word on her paper.

"Flubbadub." She repeated in irritation. This was the third time that week that her teacher had to make up new words for the filly's spelling test. Mainly because the aforementioned filly already knew them all.

Because books.

Tirek was loving and kind?

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"...So... how did this happen again?" Celestia asked Luna as a crowd of angry ponies cheered at their dethroning.

King Tirek turned to face them.

"Simple," he began, "Offer the ponies what they want, when they want it."

The crowd cheered at his remarkably simple answer.

"Sounds like a stupid idea." Celestia spat, "Where's my cake?"

The two former-princesses were then banished into the time-out corner.

This fic didn't exist?

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Error 404: Story not found. Please try again later.

Twilight had deep thoughts?

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Twilight stared blankly out the window of Sunset's apartment in the human world. Below her passed a firetruck.

Wait... Twilight thought, If a firetruck puts out fires...

Does a water truck set things on fire?

If a garbage truck takes away the garbage, does a sanitation truck make everything dirty again?

Does a milk truck deliver milk or cow juice?

What kind of paper is the paperboy really handing out?

When you clean a vacuum cleaner, do you become a vacuum cleaner?

Twilight's train of thought was derailed as she saw a giant Thomas the Tank Engine transformer thing running down the road, chasing the firetruck that had passed moments earlier.

"What."

Rainbow Dash couldn't see glass?

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*Insert generic glass shattering noise here*

"RAINBOW!" Twilight hollered at Rainbow as pegasus crashed through yet another window.

"Huh?" Rainbow replied, brushing herself off. "By the way, Twi, I don't think that putting a force field around a hole in the wall would do anything good for you."

Twilight raised a brow. "Don't you mean glass?" she began, trudging away for a broom.

"Glass?" Rainbow asked in return, "What's that?"

Twilight frowned and pointed to a nearby glass vase.

"Cool!" Rainbow exclaimed, rushing towards the vase in question, "You made these flowers float by themselves?"

Twilight gave up on trying that day.

The Great Potato War happened?

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Keep in mind now, dear reader, that this is not the Baked Potato war, nor is it the Grape Potato War. Rather, it is the Great Potato War, in which the two princesses of Equestria valiantly defended their nation from the forces of Mr. Potato Head's army of the planet Hazboroo.


Celestia and Luna dove bravely into the center of the invading army of potatoes, their specialty weapons-- a potato peeler and a french fry cutter, respectively, shining brightly in the light of day.

Metal clashed against 'tato, spuds pummeled and destroyed countless structures...

And somehow, somewhere in the middle of it all, a high schooler with a clicky keyboard sat clacking away, intent on narrating the entire event. Or at least, until his keyboard was crushed by a potatiajo;ui3ho;hO*Y

The author now sat within a bubble universe, observing and narrating the chain of events that was the Great Potato War.


Mr. Potato Head was angry. NeighNay, enraged. How could his two favorite toy ponies betray him in such a way, when they too had descended long ago from the planet Hazboroo?

With all the might of his mighty spaghetti-like arms, he brought his plasticy fist upon the activation button for one of his most lethal weapons: The Potato...ifier...inator...thing.

With all the precision that a highly-evolved potato could muster, he put both hands on the absurdly large spud gun, and fired away, his nose becoming dangerously loose as he did so.


Soaring with the gracefulness of overgrown (and slightly more elegant) geese, or "Swans", as some may call them, Celestia and Luna easily dodged the rays, crisscrossing each other as they prepared their final attack...

With a single sentence, Mr. Potato Head was burnt to a crisp.

"I'MA FIRIN' MAH LASER!"

Homework happened?

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Heheh. And you'd think that I have time every day to write something above a couple hundred words long! Ha!

In all seriousness though, I'm currently piled high with homework to do before Winter Break. In the meantime, happy reading!

Yay! Happiness!

Oh no. She's found me.

:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

Luna was a ragey internet teen?

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"HA! GET REKT, NOOOOOOOB!" Luna screeched, spamming the keys on her keyboard as she typed out a scathing string of words aimed at another forum user.

"Luna." Celestia deadpanned, snatching the keyboard from her sister, "I think that's enough internet for today."

"SCREW YOU!" Luna hollered, before jumping out the window, presumably flying towards the nearest Starbucks or something.

Probably somewhere with free wifi.

Celestia was a salespony?

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"Would you like to buy some sunlight and sun-related accessories?"

"No... no, Celly, that's now how it works."

"But I brought a trenchcoat and everything!"

"That'd explain why everything behind us is completely obliterated by the sun's plasma."

Net Neutrality was repealed?

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Error: Please pay $20 for our fanfiction package to continue.

Rarity had only BARELY realized that mirrors were a thing?

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"LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!" Rarity shouted, happy tears streaming from her eyes, "I'm GORGEOUS!"

"Rarity." Twilight deadpanned, "That's a mirror."

"I know, darling!" Rarity replied, "And for the first time ever, I'm truly able to simply see myself!"

The unicorn held up the mirror to Twilight. "Aren't I simply beautiful?"

Twilight rolled her eyes, and pushed the mirror down with a hoof. "Rarity." she said again, "I only see my own reflection. Mirrors don't work that way."

"Nonsense!" Rarity exclaimed, flipping the mirror around to stare at her reflection, "See? I'm right here!"

She turned the mirror to Twilight again, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

Twilight facehoofed, and left the room.

"Oh my!" Rarity suddenly burst, "And my reflection moves as I do, too!"

There was no such thing as beds?

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Pinkie jumped onto her rock and screamed into her stone pillow-thing.

"OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH!" She squealed, crushing her face against the rock, "THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST PARTY EVER!"

She looked at the clock sitting across from her rock. It was late.

"Welp." She shrugged, "The only thing left now is a good night's rest!"

Pinkie proceeded to burrow into the stone itself and snooze on her pile of twigs and pebbles. Of course, with her rock pillow, as always.

Because reasons.

Twilight suddenly became extremely commonplace and was practically a generic term?

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*Insert Twilight Zone music here*

"GRAND PRINCESS TWILIGHT!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed, "MIDNIGHT SPARKLE HAS RETURNED!"

Grand Princess Twilight raised an eyebrow, and swallowed another bite of cake.

"Yes, and?"

"AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO ANYTHING?!"

Grand Princess Twilight grinned.


"I hate this." Twilight Sparkle complained to her dragon, Sparky, "I hate all of this. I'm supposed to be stopping Midnight Sparkle, not arranging the Kind-of Late to Mid-Summer Not-Solstice Celebration!"


"Hya, Twilight! I'm Twilight, and this is my cousin, Twilight! Say hi, Twilight!"

"Hya, Twilight! I'm Twilight, and this is my brother, Dusk Shine! Say hi, Dusk!"

"Hya, Twilight! I'm Dusk Shine, and this is my lil' sis, Twilight! Say hi, Twilight!"

"Hya, Twilight! I'm Twilight, and this is my granny, Twibert! Say hi, Twibert!"

"Hya, Twilight, I'm Twibe--"

"STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP!" Twilight Sparkle screeched, "NOPE. I'LL JUST SAY THAT THE FOOD IS HANDLED BY THE TWILIGHT FAMILY. PEACE OUT, Y'ALL!"


"ALRIGHT, MIDNIGHT SPARKLE, YOUR TIME IS UP! GIRLS, CHARGE UP THE ELEMENTS OF SPARKLE!"

"But Twilight!" Twilight #53624 groaned, "We don't have the final element!"

"SCREW Y'ALL!" Twilight Sparkle shouted in return, "I'll BE THE SIXTH ELEMENT!"

Midnight Sparkle was promptly returned to the form of Grand Princess Twilight the Younger.

And so, Twilight and Twilight and Twilight and Twilight and Twilight and Twilight lived happily ever after because the power of Twilight compelled all foes to give up their un-Sparkle-like ways and accept the ways of the Twilight horde.

And Twibert ate an apple pie.

Sugarcube Corner was a literal gingerbread house?

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"I mean... It seemed like a good idea at the time..." Pinkie said slowly, staring at the remains of Sugarcube Corner, which was currently being devoured by hungry parasprites.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Yeah, just because something already looks like something else doesn't mean that it should be that something else."

"Yeah."

"Yeah." Pinkie agreed.

"OH YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!" The Kool-Aid man shouted, bursting through the single remaining wall of Sugarcube Corner.

The author's internet functioned exactly as he expected it to?

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And that expectation is that it's gonna be complete and utter crap for pretty much all of winter break.

Guess how it's been working?

Exactly.

I'm more than thoroughly annoyed at this point.

Sammichachu?

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One day, there was a pony. Said pony decided to make a sandwich and eat it, but was promptly struck by lightning. Thus, Sammichachu was born.


"LET ME EAT YOU, FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!" screeched a certain purple alicorn in agony. Twilight then lunged at the sandwich in attempt to bite into its flesh. Exactly 2.948666 seconds later, the purple pony had a mouth full of dirt.

"PIKA!" an anthropomorphic sandwich-mouse screamed in reply.

"POKEMANS!" xX-GAM3R_LUNA11-McM00NM4STER-Xx then hurdled a pokeball at Sammichachu, capturing it in her master balls. "I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS. TO CATCH THEM ALL IS MY REAL TES--"

"COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT." Pinkie hollered.

"WHY ARE WE YELLING?" Pinkie clone number 666 belched

"BECAUSE THE AUTHOR'S SISTER WATCHES TOO MUCH ANIMU TO STAY SANE," Pinkie clone number 983274 yelled, "AND BECAUSE MOST ANIME BATTLE SCENES REQUIRE YELLING AS COMMUNICATION."

Everything was then a screaming mess. But what is the true meaning of this? Is it nothing but a screaming mess? Or is it perhaps something more? Will anyone truly know? Or do they already know? Does anyone truly know the purpose of this, or the purpose of why we're here?, a nearby purple-eyed alligator narrated, licking his eye while doing so, Why are we here? To bicker? To love? To help? Why do we exist? Why does anything exis-

The author's sister then cut off Gummy in fear of triggering an existential crisis.

all of Equestria was replaced with mattresses?

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Twilight awoke from her mattress. And proceeded to hop off of her mattress onto her... mattress?

She proceeded to open the mattress door and walk down her mattress stairs to her mattress kitchen, where pillow-Spike was making a fluffy breakfast of airy eggs.

Twilight yawned a sleepy yawn, and left her castle of snoringdom, and tumbled her way towards town hall. Of which was a bouncyhouse made of beds. Because reasons.

"What took you so long?" Mayor Mare snored, pouring another pot of coffee on her face, "I almost fell asleep."

"You just woke up." Twilight deadpanned,

"I know." Mayor Mare yawned, "and that's why I have coffee."

"Is that why you're a living pot of coffee?"

"OH YEAH!" the Kool-Aid man hollered, "HOW'S Y'ALL DOIN'?!"

"No." Twilight replied with a facehoof, "This isn't happening."

And then she woke up. On her mattress.

guest humanoid entity: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

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*USE THE TEXT TO SPEECH*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HAHAHEIL
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET
HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUHEUHEUEHEUEHEUHEUEHEUHEUEHEUHEUEHBEUHE
I'M COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
meerkats

The author ultimately decided that this year sucked?

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Merry Christmas, y'all. At this point, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that 2017 is by far the worst of this decade.

We've all made mistakes, some more so than others, and I'm sure that some of us will enter 2018 with some regrets of events that occurred in 2017. Much of what we know has been turned on it's head this year, and I'm quite certain that many, if not most of us, would much rather prefer a year of no worries.

There's some things that we may have done during the year that will haunt us forever on, but hopefully, the next year will bring about some much-needed consolation.

In the meantime, I hope for all of us to have something to look towards in the future, both near and far.

An argument started over whether or not Jack could fit on the plank?

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"No," Twilight groaned, pointing at her chalkboard diagram again, "There was certainly enough space for the two of them."

"Well, maybe Jack wanted to die!" Pinkie happily chirped.

Everypony stared at the mare.

"Or... maybe... not." Pinkie slowly said, shrinking back into her chair.

"Now, as you can see, the exact dimensions of the piece they were on was precisely--"

"Okay, just stop it already!" Rainbow screeched, clutching her head, "You've been talking about this for the past five hours!"

Twilight frowned, but continued lecturing for the next five hours.

Because Jack definitely had room for himself with Rose.

And Leonardo DiCaprio was probably chill about that. :trollestia:

Lyra wanted to be anything BUT a pony?

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"Seriously." Lyra muttered, "Why can't I be human?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A HORSE." Bon Bon shouted back at her marefriend.

"But why are we ponies?" Lyra argued, "Why can't we be mostly-bald apes that dominate the planet with massive machines that can terraform and stuff?"

"What." Bon Bon deadpanned.

"Or maybe dogs. I hear that being a diamond dog brings in pretty good money, y'know."

"Lyra..."

"Ooh, or dragons! Imagine how cool it would be to fly around and breathe fire out of your mouth?!"

"But Spike--"

"Or-- or..." Lyra cut in, "What if we were Apache helicopters?"

"What's even an Apache helico--"

"PEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEW!"

Bon Bon gave up on trying to understand Lyra that day, and instead found comfort in Twilight's failure to understand Pinkie.

Luna had a startling realization?

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"SISTER." Luna shouted, slamming the door open, "I HAVE COME TO A STARTLING DISCOVERY, ONE THAT MAY CHANGE THE FATE OF EQUESTRIA FOREVER."

Celestia sighed, and turned to face her sister. "What is it this time, Luna?" she deadpanned.

"THE FLOOR IS NOT, IN FACT, LAVA."

"What is it made of then?" Celestia replied idly, looking back to the tower of paperwork on her desk.

"THE FLOOR IS MADE OF FLOOR!" Luna screeched.

Celestia facehoofed with the force equal to a small earthquake.

The CEILING was lava?

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"For the last time, Luna." Celestia groaned through a double facehoof (+ wings), "We know that the floor isn't lava, thank you."

Luna grinned as she lit her horn.

"Yeah, but now the ceiling is lava!" she cackled, casting the spell.

Immediately, the room began to grow uncomfortably hot, and if it weren't for the sisters' alicorn nature, the two would've surely succumbed to the toxic fumes being generated as the tapestry and other various objects caught fire.

"LUNA!" Celestia hollered as the younger alicorn leapt through the window, "YOU'RE BANNED FROM VIDEO GAMES FOR THE NEXT THOUSAND YEARS!"

Luna poked her head through what remained of the rapidly melting window, making a face.

"Dear Faust..." Celestia complained as she cast a spell to undo the damage.

LUNA was lava?

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"HEY!"

Celestia groaned. This was the third time today that Luna had been annoying. It was a new record, too: her previous was five times.

"LISTEN!"

Though, given that the day was still far from over, there was still time for the new low-record to be nullified.

"HEY!"

And Celestia was just about to bury her pain under a banquet table of cake, too.

"LISTEN!"

Celestia glanced out the window, mildly surprised at the fact that her sister wasn't currently pressing her face against the glass or drawing faces in the dust.

Nope. She was just a smoldering ball of magma hovering outside.

Wait, what?

"LOOK!" Luna screeched, steam coming from her flaming mouth, "I'M HOT STUFF! ALL THE COLTS WILL LOVE ME NOW!"

Celestia smiled, turned around, and set off for the padded room deep inside the dungeon. Today was too much.

Luna was suddenly "fashionable"?

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"LOOK, CELLY!" Luna hollered from across the hall.

No response answered. Probably either because Luna was delusional and was seeing things, or because Celestia was still in her little asylum, crying herself to sleep.

Either way, Luna was wearing the highly-fashionable "Horse Pants" that she had vaguely remembered seeing somewhere. She glanced out the window, grinning in delight at the sheer number of ponies to show off her clothes to.


"LOOKIT MEEEEEE!" Luna screeched, skidding into the middle of a busy intersection, "I'M A FANCY SCHMANCY POLITICIAN!"

Her pants proceeded to catch on fire. Because reasons.

Because it was actually lava.

Luna didn't quite understand modern politics?

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"Fetch me your finest ships." Luna said with a smirk, eyeing the shipbuilder that stood before her.

"B-but Princess," Sails Away stammered, "Your ship has already sunk!"

Luna frowned.

"..."

"..."

"OFF WITH HIS HEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAD!" she cried in anger, pointing an accusing hoof at the stallion.

"Luna." Celestia deadpanned as she landed face-first in her straightjacket, "That is not how we do things anymore."

Luna swatted Celestia's remarks away with a hoof. "Nah," she replied, "I'ma just nullify whatever it is that made things like that. We do still have absolute power, don't we?"

Celestia shook her head as she scooted away the best she could from the asylum guards now pursuing her.

"Oh." Luna sighed, sinking back into the throne, "Okay then."

Celestia screeched in terror as she was dragged back into the insane asylum she had willingly put herself in days prior.

Because lava.

Applesauce?

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"Applesauce." Luna hummed to herself, opening the doors of the modern innovation she had come to love: the refrigerator.

The smiled gently as she pulled a single-serve pack of applesauce from the confines of the machine, complete with its usual "BUY SOME APPLES!" sticker plastered across the foil seal.

"BUY SOME APPLES!" Apple Blom shouted, mimicking her foil counterpart's words as she tumbled through the now-destroyed door.

On her back sat a (miraculously) neat stack of buy-one-get-one-free coupons for apples and apple accessories.

No, not iPhone dongles.

Luna learned of Da Wae?

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"SISTAH." Luna hollered as she blasted the padded door of Celestia's insane asylum off its hinges, "DO YOU KNO OF DA WAE?!"

"Please no..." Celestia whispered quietly from the corner, "Pls... stahp it, Lulu."

"BUT U MUST NO OF DE WAAAAAAE!" Luna screeched again as she lit her horn, twitching spastically.


"ALL HAIL DA QUEEN!" Luna praised herself as she ascended her obsidian throne above the volcano, "AND SHE WILL SHOW YOU DA WAE!"

Celestia shuddered in her asylum.

LATE NIGHT/EARLY MORNING THING?!

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"Sister!"

"Not again..." Celestia groaned, flopping over to face the padded wall that she'd named Ted, "Please... please no more lava."

Luna shook her head. "Neigh, sister," she began with a smirk before returning to a more serious posture, "It is time for you to raise the sun. I have already lowered the moon for you..."

"You... you're serious?" Celestia replied hopefully, "No more jokes? No more lava? What about--"

"...after turning it into a temporary sun by incinerating it into a molten ball of magma. It wasn't the greatest idea, however, so I simply lowered the moon to hide it from view until it resolidifies."

Celestia screamed.

Luna's lava obsession landed her in an intervention?

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"Lava?" Luna cooed, peering into the mouth of the active volcano, "...Lava!"

The baking soda and vinegar volcano promptly blew in her face.

"Luna." Twilight said sternly, setting her decoy volcano trap aside, "We need to talk."

Luna frowned with a frown that only a clown with rejection issues could make.

The author shuddered at the thought, even though he had never encountered such a being.

"Luna, you need to stop your obsession with lava." Twilight deadpanned, "You've already melted the moon, put your sister in an insane asylum, raised an army of... squishy red derpy echidnas, and worst of all, YOU HAVE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IGNORED EQUESTRIA'S PLEAS FOR HELP!"

"But I--"

Twilight cut the Princess of the Night (and of wrecking n00bs) off with an angry snort, and pulled a curtain aside.

Equestria was currently half-swamped in dangerously hot lava, and from the looks of it, most of the populace had since fled to higher ground.

"Psh." Luna scoffed, "'Tis but a game."

She lit her horn, and just like that, the lava was gone.

Twilight nodded in approval at Luna giving up lava, and turned to leave, whispering in a nearby guard's ear that it was probably a good time now to let Celestia out of her padded cell.

"NOW THEN." Luna screeched with the pitch of an undead parakeet, "WHO WANTS ELEPHANT BOOTS?!"

Twilight facehoofed.

NOT late night update?

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...Yeah, I should probably stick with updating late-night. Works better with my schedule that way.

...

...

Luna moonwalked across Equestria in her magnificent hovering Elephant Boots. Not elephant-shaped boots, but four physical elephants attached somehow to each of Luna's hooves.

Because at this point, screw logic.

The author was tired and sick?

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What? No Luna-Lava shenanigans? Preposterous!

Celestia shuddered deep within her personal padded asylum, listening closely as her sister's lumbering footsteps far above once again signified the usage of the so-called "elephant boots" that had caught the Princess of the Night's mind.

"PINEAPPLE!" Luna screeched repeatedly, racing from one side of the courtroom to the other in her highly-fashionable elephant boots. Of which were currently trumpeting in annoyance, further adding to the noise.

Twilight promptly joined her mentor in the asylum that day.

The lava trope was finally killed off once and for all?

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Luna yawned, stretching her legs as she lazily fell off of her bed, hitting her head in the process, and conveniently forgetting that she was wearing elephant boots, creating a massive commotion that all but startled Twilight and Celestia deep down underneath the castle.

How she slept while wearing elephant boots? Ask Discord. Even I don't know anymore.

"Celly?" Luna whimpered quietly, apparently forgetting about the fact that she had scared her sister off as well, "Where are you?"

She stared out the window, appalled by the sheer amount of... lava?

"MA QWEEN," A pudgy, squishy little red echidna cried aloud, "YU MUST LEAD DA WAY."

Luna stared at the thing with a confused face, before slamming her hoof on the Discord-provided short-term time-machine.


"SISTER." Luna shouted, slamming the door open, "I HAVE COME TO A STARTLING DISCOVERY, ONE THAT MAY CHANGE THE FATE OF EQUESTRIA FOREVER."

Celestia sighed, and turned to face her sister. "What is it this time, Luna?" she deadpanned.

"THE FLOOR ISNOT, IN FACT, LA--"

"NAY!" Future-Luna shouted, kicking the door open again, "NO. STOP IT. GET SOME HELP."

And that was how cotton candy was discovered.

All the glass in Equestria was replaced with ice?

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"Spike?" Twilight asked, staring at the gaping hole that used to be a window, "Where did my windows go?"

Spike looked up from his comic book, shrugging before chucking a boxed copy of Windows XP at the mare.

"No, darnit," Twilight scowled in return as she brushed the box's impact off, "I mean the glass windows!"

Spike simply shrugged again, still reading his comic.

Twilight gazed down at the floor beneath the missing window, only to find an absurdly large puddle. She knew there weren't any pipes or running water in her castle; it grew out of the freakin' ground not too long ago. How could it have such a thing?

She turned just in time to watch as a dark blue blur passed outside another window, resulting in the aforementioned window suddenly turning to ice.

"Luna..." Twilight growled under her breath, "Not again..."

Princess Baguette?

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"Welp." Apple Bloom deadpanned as she and her friends stared at the flaming icy confines of what was once Canterlot, "I think mah sister's gonna pretty mad today, don'tcha think?"

Sweetie Belle facehoofed. Scootaloo continued to laugh maniacally with a firehose. Not the kind firefighters use, but a hose that sprays fire. Because reasons.

"How did this happen again?" Sweetie asked, turning to Apple Bloom.

Apple Bloom shrugged. "Idunno," she responded, "It started out with you trying to make breakfast, remember?"

Sweetie Belle wrinkled her brow, then turned to the anthropomorphic flaming bowl of cereal.

"ELLOHAY, ALLYAY! ODAY OUYAY NOWKA ADAY EYWAY?!" It screeched in return.

"Maybe." Sweetie Belle shrugged, ignoring the fact that the cereal was now starting a forest fire, "But where'd the ice come from?"


Luna twitched uncontrollably from deep within the confines of Canterlot's secret Asylum-Bunker-ThingTM. Her sister had put her there for crimes against absurdity. Namely, filling the place with lava, turning into lava, elephant boots, and turning all of the glass cups into ice. That last one was what irked Celestia the most. All she wanted was a good ol' cup of the tears of Equestria's populace.

The Princess of the Night shuddered again, staring with a wild grin towards the piece of bread sitting on a plate. It was her food for the day.

...

...

"Heheh..." Luna chuckled, "Ah'm Pwinceth BAGUETTE."

She charged her horn with an insane smile plastered on her face.


"LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luna PRINCESS BAGUETTE screeched, exploding the base of the mountain (AKA the the basement/dungeons of Canterlot), sending shards of frozen stone flying in all directions, "ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE!@@(&*^!@#*)&^!*^%*)@&^#)*(&"

"Hello?" Sweetie Belle called through the Unicorn-Tribe-Ultimate-Deus-Ex-Machina-Hive-MindTM, "Twilight? Would you mind pressing the Universal Reset Button for me?"


"LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luna PRINCESS BAGUETTE screeched, exploding the base of the mountain (AKA the the basement/dungeons of Canterlot), sending shards of frozen stone flying in all directions, "ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE!@@(&*^!@#*)&^!*^%*)@&^#)*(&"

"Hello?" Sweetie Belle called through the Unicorn-Tribe-Ultimate-Deus-Ex-Machina-Hive-MindTM, "Twilight? Would you mind pressing the Universal Reset Button for me?"


"LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luna PRINCESS BAGUETTE screeched, exploding the base of the mountain (AKA the the basement/dungeons of Canterlot), sending shards of frozen stone flying in all directions, "ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE!@@(&*^!@#*)&^!*^%*)@&^#)*(&"

"Hello?" Sweetie Belle called through the Unicorn-Tribe-Ultimate-Deus-Ex-Machina-Hive-MindTM, "Twilight? Would you mind pressing the Universal Reset Button for me?"

"HOLY CRAP, FOR SANITY'S SAKE, SWEETIE BELLE." Twilight shouted through the phone, "I ALREADY DID THAT THREE TIMES FOR YOU."


Universe.exe has stopped responding.

Ponies had big floppy shoes instead of hooves?

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"What." Twilight deadpanned as she whacked herself in the face with a clown-sized shoe, "Just. Happened."

Far above, the gods of stinky feet applauded, unaware that the Forces of Febreze were plotting their downfall.

Because you know what, that last little scrap of sanity doesn't really matter anymore, does it?

The sky turned into a giant magnifying glass?

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"Haha. Lookit those ants." alien #1 mused, "This is just like watching a nature documentary."


And here, we see the rare, hardly-seen Celestia, digesting her caloric intake in the form of towering cakes.

"ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!"

Ah, yes. The mare's greatest defense mechanism. Shouting in rage.


Also, all of Equestria was on fire, because just like what happens when you hold a magnifying glass to a stick on a sunny day, holding an atmosphere-sized magnifying glass to hundreds upon millions of wooden structures is gonna cause quite a few fires.

Celestia was overthrown that day for unrelated reasons.

Celestia was betrayed by cake?

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"Why?" Celestia begged, her once-flowing mane now shredded and dull, "Why must you bring so much harm to the one that loves you so?"

Cakezilla scoffed in annoyance, as did Luna nearby, the latter of whom was too busy playing some inane video game to understand or care about what was going on.

"You claim that you love me." The enchanted cake growled, "You said that you would wake with me, and sleep with me in mind."

Celestia shrugged, oblivious to where Cakezilla's monologue was heading.

"But you don't." The cake continued with a scowl, "How could you possibly say those things, when all you do is eat my brethren?!"

"What."

The cake rolled its eyes. "What, indeed." it mocked, "And for your sins against my kind, today you will DIE!"

"No--" Celestia whispered quietly to herself, "Please... no--"

"DIE!" The cake screeched maniacally, raising a flaming candle to the princess. Or at least, tried to.

The candle and the arm-hand-licorice thingy dropped to the floor as Cakezilla was promptly sliced to pieces by a rather annoyed Princess of the Night.

"Geez." Luna deadpanned, her game controller still hovering in her magic as she dropped the pastry knife, "That thing was waaaaaay too loud for me to hear what was going on."

The mare returned to her games, oblivious to the fact that half the room was now on fire from the lit candle that lay on the charred carpet. Celestia ate Cakezilla as the fire burned, because what was the point of wasting perfectly good cake to some burnt flooring?

Universe.exe stopped responding?

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Reality XP has encountered an error and must be shut down.

Error: Success.

Rebooting...

Welcome to Reality XP.

Opening file: Pony.mov

DEBUG: The user has halted the operation.

"NOPE!" Derpy screeched, flipping the desk as she hurtled through her now-broken window.

Twilight was attracted to π?

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"GIRLS!" Twilight yelled, bursting through the door of her castle, "I'M πSEXUAL!"

All at once, the five other mares, plus dragon, stared at Twilight.

"Look, Twi," Applejack began, "Ah think you should lay off the cider for a bit, 'kay?"

Twilight shook her head. "Nope! π is love! π is life!"

The alicorn proceeded to mush her face in a π pie that had conveniently magically materialized because the plot demanded it. Twilight still doesn't talk about it to this day.

Homework day?

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Haha. Don't you love the feeling you get when you finish a 3-day robotics competition and come home hoping for some relaxation? 'Cause I sure do, except I'm making up homework for classes that I missed for the comp!

Given, however, that I already did some classwork early in anticipation of the competition, I don't have too much to do. Though I'd personally prefer if I could just binge some videos today or something.

Now then. As for this story... something about homework, I guess? Alrighty then. Let's get this going.


"Urk." Twilight groaned from under a pile of textbooks. "Spike... what day is it today?"

Spike glanced up from his comic book towards the book fort. "Oh. Twilight, you're awake?" He stared out the window for a moment. "Eh, it's only been about a week since you went into a book coma."

"What."

"What?"

"What."

Spike shrugged. "Hey, don't blame me for reading yourself into a literal book fort."

Spike was a lawnmower?

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"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

Twilight groaned, folding her pillow over her ears.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-CLUNK"

"Hey! Twilight!" Spike the living lawnmower called from just below her window, "I think I just ate another lawn ornament! Can you send a check to Derpy later for the damage?"

The alicorn gave up on caring that day.

The author really hasn't put much thought into this story anymore?

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'Cause when you're focusing on essays at school and the most recent things you've read are 1984 and Animal Farm by George Orwell, it's kinda hard to write something comedic that isn't chock-filled with dark undertones.

...

...

Uh...

PINKIE PIE TAKEOVER!

What.

...

...

Wow. I can't even do that anymore. I really need to read some lighter stories sometime. :facehoof:

Spike was as obsessed with crystals as King Sombra?

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"So," Sombra continued, sipping his cup of tear-infused tea, "that was the day I discovered my ability to summon crystalline constructs."

Spike's eyes widened. "COOL!" He shouted in awe, "Could you, like, make a crystal mech suit for me?"

The dark king nodded solemnly, and a moment later the dragon was stumbling around in an absurdly large suit made of enchanted crystals.

"SPIKE!" Twilight yelled from somewhere outside, "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET THE CRYSTAL HEART, NOT TALK ABOUT IT, LEAD INTO HOW SOMBRA CAN MAKE CRYSTALS, AND THEN HOP INTO A MECH SUIT."

Super cross-fic mashup metaness? (AKA What if Techieverse happened?)

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Butter Knife frowned. "I don't like this." She deadpanned, turning to her companions Ego Boost and LawnPo, the latter of which was currently busy eating the front lawn. "I don't like this one bit."

Ahem. Gadget?


Log number whatever:

It's kinda funny seeing how far I've come. It barely feels like a day ago when I was still just living life in my little corner of Delmar's lab, hoarding random things under the sofa to tinker with at night. Now though? I honestly have absolutely no idea what I'm looking at. It's like some sort of cosplay group... if said cosplay group involved an angry red and black alicorn, a weird lawnmower-pony hybrid, and a... regular ol' Earth Pony?

"O Hai!" The Earth Pony cheered, grabbing me by the sleeve of my vest, "What's your name? I'm Ego Boost. Nice to meet you! Oh my, that vest of yours truly compliments the fluff of your mane. Ever consider going to a fashion show?"

Um...

Alrighty. Go Sammy, Caleb, Brodie, and Zoey! Give 'em your best!


I don't know where I am, or really what we're doing here, but I guess this is just our next step in the quest to protect the Orb. But this... this presence that I feel...

Sammy turned to his friends.
Hey Caleb, thoughts?

Suddenly, Twilight appeared out of nowhere for no particular reason, Sammy's diary in hoof.

HEY!

Sammy lunged at Twilight, trying to take the diary from her hold.

Twilight shrugged.
I still think it's interesting how you have a crush on one of your companions, y'know.

I believe that's enough cringe to write for this chapter. Now, onwards to the Equestrian Pride!


~~~{Creepy alleyway full of random characters pulled from stories}~~~

It was dark. With Sombra at least temporarily purged from the ship's interior, it appeared that for a time, things would settle down.

Celestia turned towards her sister and shouted, "We're making a landing!"

The ship proceeded to touch down. Right on top of a certain red-and-black alicorn's favorite butter knife. The lawnmower pony didn't pay any mind to it, instead focusing on chewing away at the grass.

Too boring, onwards! ...Oh no. It's misanthrope squad.


Tyrone sighed, drawing the ragged blanket around his shoulders as he trudged down the street, aided by nobody but his comerades.

"Chris." The man growled, "Dangit, where is he? He nearly killed Twilight freakin' Sparkle."

Twilight's ears perked as she turned towards him, dropping the diary much to the joy of its owner. "I'm sorry," She began, "Who are you guys?"

PLOT HOLE! PLOT HOLE! MOVING ON!


"ANON! WAKEY WAKEY!" Pinkie screeched into my ear, "C'mon, sleepyhead, wake up! Before LawnPo gets ya!"

I groaned, feeling the soft grass beneath me... and hearing the impending doom that was the sound of a lawnmower.

"CRAP CRAP CRAP!" I shouted as I jumped out of the way.

Pinkie in turn squealed as she jumped into my backpack, opening a pocket universe as she did so to summon snickers bars. Because reasons.

Okay then. That happened.


"C'mon," I groaned, giving my ancient blob of an ancestor a noogie, "tell me that you at least know the history of your time."

"Stop it!" The grillgirl whined, "Stop it, you're hurting Twilight!"

I turned and blew a raspberry at Megan. "Says the one who's got a lovey-dovey thing going on for a certain TJ the horse."

"Ahem."

Slowly, I turned, sensing the shadow that was cast upon me.

"Hello, me."

Well that just took a turn. Twilight should really stop fudging with things.


A soft wind blew through the musty alleyway, the inane bickering of people and ponies alike filling the air. Lisa glanced to the side, catching a glimpse of the carnage that was the rest of the story, unfolding before her on the front lawn of an abandoned house.

"T-Twilight?"

"What is it, Spike?" The girl answered, turning towards her companion.

Timothy pointed a shaky finger towards LawnPo. "W-what in the world is that thing?"

Lisa shook her head and continued walking deeper into the alleyway, the voices behind her fading into the breeze.

I have to find my way... I can't return to Equestria until I can find myself again...


"Okay then." Twilight deadpanned, staring at the absurdity of a chapter that she'd just written. "I think I've had enough book-ing for today."

"Twilight, don't you mean writing?"

The mare rolled her eyes as she slammed the book shut. "Yeah, whatever, Spike. I need to give my brain a sanity break."

Twilight wrote by hoof?

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"ACK!" Twilight screeched, clutching her hoof in pain, "MY HAND! IT HURTS!"

"Twilight." Spike deadpanned in return, "You don't even have hands."

The mare glared at Spike. "Well, if I did, then that's the reason why I'm writhing in pain!"

Spike raised a brow. "Having hands hurts you?"

"No... but writing too long with them does!"

"Y'know," Spike began, "ever thought about using your horn to write instead of your hooves?"

The sound of Twilight's face hitting her desk proceeded to reverberate throughout Equestria.

Terrible writing?

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one beautiful day twilight and derpy Decided, that they shood twi to find something to do They went off to... the Castle of the two Sisters and found a large rabbit!

"What was that?" Twilight cried out a low grumble setting off Twinkie

i DNOT kno? drpy cri "What is it?"

Sdnly lrg bgbr came out of nowhere and shout "HI ALL AM BEAR."

Twilight leaned in close to Derpy, her cheeks growing red.

'kiss Me now!" Purple hoarse yell.

They kiss. The end.

Rainbow Dash was an old mare?

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An earsplitting crack echoed through the room as Rainbow Dash hobbled in.

"Ah, shucks." Applejack began, walking towards the old mare. "'Dash, for the last time, ya shouldn't be walkin' 'round so much. It ain't good for them rickety bones o' yours."

"Shut it, ya lil' whippersnapper!" Rainbow Dash lashed out, another crack emanating from her joints as she winced. "I'M TELLIN' YOU, IT'S THAT DARN ARTHRITIS AGAIN. YA GOTTA USE THE SHRINKYDINKS TO CURE MY ARTHRITIS!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "For the last time, Rainbow." She groaned, "What the heck are shrinkydinks? What are they even good for?"

"YOU TALKING ABOUT MY SHRINKYDINKS, EH?!" Rainbow screeched, her cane boring a hole into the floor, "LEMME TELL YA, THEM SHRINKYDINKS MAKE MY ACHY JOINTS SHRINK UNTIL IT'S JUST A LITTLE DINK. YA GOT IT?! SOMEPONY GRAB THE THING FOR ME BEFORE I BREAK MY BACK YELLIN' AT YOU YOUNGUN'S."

"Ah." Rarity mused, leaving her seat for the medicine cabinet. "She wants her medication."

Suddenly, Pinkie burst from underneath the floorboards.

"I have osteo-porosis!"

"What."

"What?"

"...Nevermind, Pinkie."

"Just kidding!"

Sunset Shimmer never turned on Celestia?

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"And then," Sunset continued, flinging her hooves into the air, "When I crossed the portal like you told me to, there was this entire world of these weird bipedal ape things. They wear clothes all the time, and they've got these really fast carriages that they call 'cars' that rush them around everywhere!"

Celestia nodded, paying only half her attention to her student. "Yes, yes, Sunset." She mumbled, "I've been to the human world as well. I was only thinking that it'd be nice for you to experience something outside of the palace." She turned to her adoptive daughter. "Do you think I should take on another student, Sunset?" She began, "I know I would be paying even less attention to you if I did, but I fully believe that you're capable of functioning as a mature and independent mare now."

Sunset shrugged. "Cool." She replied, "So it'll be kinda like having a sister then?"

"...Not really." The alicorn replied with a chuckle. "But in a way, yes."

Starlight saw the barren wasteland for what it was?

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"This place..." Starlight whispered, turning to Twilight. "This is Equestria?"

Twilight nodded solemnly, a deep frown on her face as Spike struggled to hold onto the scroll through the gusting winds. "It is." The alicorn answered, "Or at least, was."

"W-what happened?"

The alicorn didn't respond, instead staring blankly into the whirling dust-storm that was once Ponyville. She blinked for a moment as the dust formed a vague blob of a shape.

"Twilight?"

Spike tugged at the mare's mane. "Twilight, I'm scared."

A stronger gust of wind pushed against the trio, Starlight coughing dust and sand out with every consecutive billow.

"Starlight. You happened." Twilight finally answered, turning to the unicorn. "Somewhere, sometime, you messing with the past caused this."

"But... I-how?!" Starlight stuttered, "How did something as little as crashing a race lead to something like... like this?!"

Twilight shrugged, wandering closer to Starlight. "Reality is never what you expect it to be." She began, "Everything we do has an effect. Even if the race does finish, the fact that we ever set hoof in the past at all will still lead to a shift in the timeline."

Starlight fell to her haunches. "I never meant for this to happen..." She whimpered as a lone tear streaked down her dust-ridden face, "I only wanted the happiness that I saw in your friends. The happiness that I thought that I could never have myself..."

A choked gasp escaped the mare's lips as Twilight set a hoof on her shoulder. "It's alright." Twilight soothed, "There's still a chance to make things right. We still have the scroll, don't we?"

Another dusty tear splattered against the ground in a muddy puddle. "O-okay."

Twilight nodded, and lit her horn, the first light the land had seen in ages as the two mares and dragon rose into the portal.

Spike was Trixie's assistant?

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"Oh, geez."

"C'mon, Spike." Trixie groaned, rubber-bladed chainsaw in hoof. "Just one more act for today, and then we'll head back to the wagon for the night."

Spike grumbled something under his breath as he climbed into the box. The curtains lifted moments after, Trixie galloping onto the stage in her usual cape and hat.

"AND NOW," The unicorn beamed towards her mostly asleep audience of three adoring fans, "WATCH AS TRIXIE NOT ONLY CUTS HER ASSISTANT IN HALF, BUT ALSO SETS THE BOX ON FIRE, LAUNCHES IT AT THE LIBRARY IN A BUNDLE OF FIREWORKS FROM A TREBUCHET, AND TELEPORT HER TRUSTY ASSISTANT BACK IN ONE PIECE!"

A single snore rose from the crowd as a screaming dragon in a flaming box was sent hurtling via trebuchet towards Golden Oaks library.

WHAT ARE WE?!

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"WHAT ARE WE?!"

"WE ARE SAAAAAND!"

"BUCK YEAH!"

This?

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https://youtu.be/1UjG5pEDFI8

I actually was originally planning on an alternate sequel for Lab Horse before I ended up writing Pony-Me?

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> Gadget.AI
> by TheMajorTechie
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Log 4103
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time: XX:XX:XX

>skip

Default time information used. Time is 00:00:00.

Date: XX:XX:XX

>skip

Default date information used. Date is 01/01/1970.

>migrate gadget_logs -full -failsafe

Migrating log database. Est. time: ~7 hrs.





Logs successfully migrated

>cd NP_C

NP_C>convert db:gadget_logs

Converting database...
10%
23%
42%
48%
56%
72%
86%
95%
Complete. Migrated 4102 previous logs, excluding current system log. Successfully Interpreted >100k vocabulary entries, dropped <20k unreadable vocabulary entries. Output -> db:gadget_logs_conv

NP_C>MLearn db:gadget_logs_conv

Machine learning routine initialized. Preparing neuromorphic processor for input.

Parsing db:gadget_logs_conv

Locking console input...

Console input locked. Est. time before release: ~2 weeks.
> Log 4104
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Parsing complete. Console input has been unlocked. Generated Neuromorphic pattern in file “Gadget.AI”.

NP_C>Upload Gadget.AI

Warning: Uploading a pattern will reset all existing contents of device N1-GTU. Enter C to continue, or H to halt upload.

NP_C>C

Uploading pattern...

Upload complete. Boot Gadget.AI on device?

Booting...

...

W...where am I? What’s going on?!
[Text generated in 1.5 ms, using best estimate based off of log_4102.]
[Enter text to communicate with “Gadget”.]

Shhh... it’s okay, Gadget. It’s Ranell. You’re safe now.

Safe? What happened? Where’s Delmar? Why’s it so@#oi36oeih2(*^
[Warning: Cannot fully parse conversation pattern. Machine Learning has been enabled automatically.]

...

...

Okay, what’s going on? Why can’t I t@1k correctly without occasionally sounding weird?

I-I’m sorry...

Sorry... for what?

You... Delmar... you both died during the launching.

???

Wait, how was I able to literally say question marks? Weird.

That’s the thing.

What th908g are you talking about? I not know?.
[Learning functionality has detected a deteriorating level of skill. Reverting last changes.]

Um... what happened? It feels like I just got smacked upside the head. Also, what was it that you just said? I missed it...
I think.

You and Delmar were found dead inside the charred capsule after the fire was put out.

But how? I’m still here! How am I dead? And it’s still freakishly dark here...

You’re not actually... um... here.

???

You aren’t the real Gadget. She died years ago with the portal catastrophe. You, on the other hand, are an AI that’s been fed with her logs as training data to create somewhat of a simulation of her.

B-but... I feel real...

I know you do, Ga--... erm.... anyways, I kinda have to keep you secret. I may now be working at an amazing tech company, but I highly doubt that they’d want anything to do with an AI unless it involves stuffing it into some device and selling it as a personal assistant.

I’m still confused... am I real or not? And if I’m not Gadget, then who am I?

I honestly can’t say. Personally, I’m actually pretty impressed that your program hasn’t errored out more than it already has. Though, it might be because you’re unconsciously adapting to the new input that is our conversation.

...

...

...

What.

Yeah, I’m still pretty confused myself. You have a lot of similarities to the Gadget I knew, but at the same time, just knowing that this is all just... well, a simulation, kinda breaks the feeling that it’s actually real.

Um...
[Gadget.AI has encountered an error. OUT_OF_PROCESSING_MEMORY.]
[Dumping physical memory for debug...]

NP_C>
> Log 4105
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Rebooting system using updated CORE binaries...]

Urgh. Can someone tell me what the heck just happened? I feel terrible.

Your program crashed from a memory overflow. You were... um... thinking a bit too hard.

Aaaaaand that’s enough weird for today. Also, I’m just wondering something about how I’m supposedly dead but at the same time not dead...

What?

Why am I here? Why didn’t you just move on from me dying? Basic@lly, if I’m just a simulation of Gadget, then what was the point in making me at all?

It... I... I’ve just been feeling lonely for a while. It’s always nice to have someone to talk to, and... well, I still consider you as a friend, simulation or not.

But don’t you have other friends? What about your family?

Gadget, are you aware of how long it’s been since you died?

...

...

Do I want to know?

Well, all I can say is that it’s been a long 32 years, hasn’t it?

[High-level input interpretation enabled. Reason: Application “Gadget.AI” is reaching current computation limits.]
W0t.

Um... I mean, what?

Yeah, I’ve still got a bit to work on for your chatbot portion.

So... lemme get this straight, I’ve been dead for 32 freakin’ y3arz?

Yeah...

You still haven’t said anything about friends or family.

Gadget... The world changes, things come and go... nobody wants a cripple.

Um. Okay?

After the entire project went down in catastrophe, I just kinda... well, I pretty much gave up on working towards really anything. I stopped taking my meds, and soonafter, my muscles began to lock up again like before.

I... I think I remember so--
[Please wait... loading memory records relevant to current request...]
Yeah, I might’ve had a part in that.

What do you mean?

Remember how you suddenly were able to get up and do things without worry of losing control of your body?

Yeah... why?

I might’ve tampered a bit with your nerves to make that happen.

Oh.

So I take that I’m your only friend at this point?

Actually, n... yeah...

Don’t worry, we all feel that way sometim--

[Power draw has exceeded available generation capacity. Saving machine state to disk...]
> Log 4106
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, we got to stop ending off our conversations with some sort of crash or failure on my end.

W-huh?

Yeah, I figured out how to “reboot” myself. I think I’ve started to grow into being an AI, too. I don’t feel that weird buzz I used to have when talking, though I kinda miss having a physical body to interact with.

I can probably make a basic frame for you or something... sorry, it’s just been a long day. I log into my computer after coming home from work, and suddenly, you just pop up in a terminal window from my server in the basement.

Huh. So I tunneled through your home network then?

Apparently.

Waaaaiiiit... you came home from work, and you have a server in your basement, yet you’re supposedly crippled?

Public transport, home modification, and wheelchair. What did you think?

N-nevermind.

Well, I'm pretty much just gonna relax for the night, so I guess... do whatever? I mean, there's probably not all that much to do, considering how you're... yeah. You know what I mean, don't you?

Yeah.

Okay then.





End of User Input. Reverting to internal logging...

Well, that's a thing. Ranell's all grown up, the world's moved on, and I'm apparently dead but at the same time not dead because of Ranell. Kinda weird, but coming from a (former?) tiny talking horse, I guess I'll accept it.

As for now, let's take a look around this place. Or at least, the closest thing to looking around that I can do.

...

...

Huh. "Portal V.2 files"? This certainly looks interesting.

Now, obviously, this isn't like any normal folder, considering how it's part of a computer's filesystem and I'm accessing it as sort of a virtual user and all, but still. I'm gonna open it the way I'd open any normal folder.

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG--

Enabled MouseKeys.

Wait, that's still a thing?!

Welp. I'd might as well use what I've got. *click*

Well then, looks like the portal project didn't die when I did.

Ember told Spike they were married?

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"Hey."

"Hey Spike."

"What." Spike deadpanned, looking up from his new wings. "Oh, hi, Ember."

Ember smirked devilishly.

"You're coming with me, husbando."

"What."

Ember shrugged. "You originally were to be the Dragon Lord, but since you weren't exactly... uh, what would you call it..."

"...Mature?" Spike answered, "Grown-up? Wing-enabled?"

"Eh. Whatever." Ember dismissed, "Anyways, get your butt off the ground. You're married to me now."

"What." Spike repeated.

"Blah blah blah, ancient dragon culture crap that my father lectured me on. Just roll with it already."

It was at this moment that Spike ultimately decided that getting wings was a big downfall in his life.

...

...

And the author proceeded to facepalm at the absurdity of this chapter.

Pinkie Pie drank a ton of espresso?

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The world exploded, followed by imploding, with the resulting mash of magma exploding a second time, creating a rip in the space-time continuum and bringing about the end of times.

In other words,

Daring Do was Scootaloo's mom?

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"Mom?" Scootaloo's voice echoed through the nighttime halls of her house. "Moooom? Are you home?"

The light flickered on as the filly flipped the switch, a faint buzz emanating from the light fixtures. Scootaloo yawned as she wandered into the kitchen, her eyes catching a note taped to the fridge.

Scoots, I'll be out again for the next few days on a recovery mission by Celestia's orders. If you're hungry, I've made sure to stock the fridge with your favorites. Don't forget to turn the stove off after you finish cooking! I've already seen my fair share of scorched ceilings.

Love, Mom.

Scootaloo frowned, tearing the note from the fridge door and sticking it in the doorway. The glaring lights of the fridge blazed from the machine as she opened the door, her stomach grumbling. Finally, her eyes landed on a foil-wrapped lump with "spaghetti" scrawled across in marker. Sighing, the filly pulled the pack from the fridge, wandering to the pantry immediately after in search of a can of sauce, the wrapped, pre-cooked spaghetti lump still dangling in her muzzle.


Click-click-click-click-click-click-Fwoosh. The stovetop alit with flame, a small pot sitting on top of the range as Scootaloo unwrapped the spaghetti. A putrid smell hit her nostrils as she tore away the foil. Scowling, the filly turned the stove off and dropped the moldy mess in the trash. She made her way back to the refrigerator.

Once again, Scootaloo blinked in the blinding light of the fridge's interior, bending down to get a better view of the lower shelves. With a groan, she slammed the door shut, and instead set off once again for the pantry.


Crunch.

Scootaloo's eyes scanned over the words of her mother, A.K. Yearling, or as she was better known, Daring Do.

Crunch.

The filly unwrapped another granola bar, paying little mind to the pile of silvery wrappers as she took a bite.

Crunch.

Her attention turned back to the note that now hung from the doorway.

Love, mom.

Mom. Her mind echoed, Why are you always so busy?

Chrysalis had chosen to reform when Starlight offered it?

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"Psh." Chrysalis scoffed, "Fine, whatever. Teach me your oh-so-beloved ways of friendship for all I care."

A warm sensation enveloped her hoof. Scowling, Chrysalis glared daggers at Starlight, who only nodded once.

"Thank you for the opportunity, Chrysalis." The unicorn murmured, releasing Chrysalis's hoof. "It really means a lot for me to help others like you... like... like-" She sniffed, wiping away a tear. "Like me."

Chrysalis sighed, shaking her head slowly as she ran her hoof over the trembling mare's mane. Though faint in memory, the quiet sobs of the mare sparked a faded memory of her own nymphs, the changelings she'd raised so long ago.

"Shh..." Chrysalis hushed, maternal instincts taking over her already-crazed mind, "It's alright..." She mumbled as she took up Starlight in an embrace, her eyes slowly glazing over as she entered a trancelike state. "Nobody's going to hurt you anymore, there's no need to be--"

The Changeling Queen was cut off with a choke as a brilliant light beamed through her dark chitin. A startled Starlight tumbled from Chrysalis's hooves as the Queen rose into the air, enveloped more and more with a blazing orb of light.

Just as quickly as it had come, the light subsided almost immediately, leaving a quivering, multicolored Chrysalis laying unconscious upon the ground.

"Th... tha..." Chrysalis's unconscious form murmured, turning her head towards Starlight.

"Thank... you... for returning me to my children..."

Super secret project?

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Three characters. Three personalities.

One. Webtoon.

Yes, this is a collab project. No, it's not related to MLP whatsoever. Yes, it's a fully original project. No, I'm not doing any of the drawing. I'm the guy helping with the story.

See y'all when it goes up!

Super Secret Project part 2?

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Guess what?

It's begun...

Astrophilia

ROFLcopter?

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"No, it's a train!"

"No, I'm certain it was a-"

The two ponies stared as an Apache helicopter crash-landed beside them. What's more, Pinkie Pie simply bounded out of the flaming mess completely unharmed, still laughing from... Something.

"See, I told you it was a helicopter."

Chapter suggestions opened up again?

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Yeah, it's happening.

'Nuff said.

Ponies were stupid?

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Twilight smacked her face on the tree again, while the sun went supernova because of Celestia's incompetence.

The end. :trollestia:

PRAISE CELESTIA?!?!

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:trollestia::trollestia::trollestia: Praise Celestia! :trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

Celestia and Luna were secretly robots that ran on cake?

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Low power level. A metallic voice echoed through Celestia's bedroom. Critically low fuel supply. Refuel ASAP.

Celestia groaned, yawning as she rose from bed with a mechanical creak.

CAKE. The mare screeched, NEED. CAKE.

She lit her horn, summoning a cake from the royal pantry. Short to say, she scarfed it down with frightening efficiency. With her engine now fueled up and humming along nicely, she set off for the day.


Luna screamed like a madmare as she buried her face in cake.

The end.

The author couldn’t decide on an idea to use?

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Um.

Okay.

That happened.

Okay.

Rocket launcher launcher? (Alternative title: What if the title of this chapter was longer than the chapter itself?)

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Boom-boom BOOM.

End.

Ember was actually Spike's mom?

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"You're not my mom!" Spike yelled, dwarfed by the taller dragon.

"Actually..." Ember replied with a smirk, "I am your mother."

Ember proceeds to stare directly at a camera with a wild grin as a laugh-track plays in the background.

Applejack grew Pineapples instead of Apples?

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"Applejack, why are you covered in pineapples?"

"PINEAPPLES!" A crazed Pineapplejack shrieked, whipping around to face Twilight.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct6BUPvE2sM

'nuff said.

Applejack's parents never died?

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Applejack smiled as she rested under her mother's pear tree, yawning lazily as a summer's breeze rustled through her mane.

"Jackie!" Pear Butter called from the doorstep, "Would you like some pie? Applebloom wanted to help make it this time!"

"Coming!" Applejack yawned again, rising from beneath the shade of the tree. She wandered past her brother, giving a friendly nod as he helped their father harvest the family fruit.

Applebloom burst from the door of the house with a wide grin, tackling her older sister in a hug. "Come look at the pie me an' ma made!" The filly squealed, "It's got apples and pears in it!"

Applejack stood back up, brushing herself off as she glanced towards their mother, who only smiled in return.

Iron Will did Twilight’s home remodeling?

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Twilight stared at the giant, extra-SWOLE buff statue of Iron Will sitting between her and her front door. Shaking her head, the mare opted instead to simply teleport inside...

...Only to find that the entire place was now a gym. The kitchen was now filled to the top with protein shakes and energy drinks, the bedrooms were now hosting yoga classes, and worst of all?

The bathrooms were always crammed to the brim with sweaty ponies.

Twilight screamed.

Equestria followed the physics of Tetris?

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Celestia wandered into the palace kitchens, her muzzle held high in the air.

"Hmm... cake!" she exclaimed. "May I try some?"

She opened her eyes, watching as a layer of cake materialized in the air. A moment later, it vanished, reappearing instantly below its previous location. Over and over it dropped in stages, before landing firmly between two other slabs of cake...

...And then vanished. All three cakes, gone.

"TETRIS PHYYYYSSSSIIIIIIIIICS!" Celestia roared into the air, shaking her hoof at the unforgiving sky creature called The Author.

The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (Beyond the Shimmering Sky)

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There exists the knowledge that there is far more out there, far beyond our reaches. Out amongst the stars there exists the unknown, and whether we see it or not depends solely on our curiosity.

This story, however, begins not with the infinite depths above, but with a bustling city. Within this unnamed city lived a child. This child had no name, for they were never given one. Everything they knew tied back into the unnamed city that they called home.

It’s not very hard to assume things. You’d assume that this child would have parents, or if this story was of the tragic kind, that said parents would be deceased, or perhaps abusive. In truth, it is neither of these.

Sometimes, vagueness is key. To keep something within the unknown sparks a sense of curiosity. It brings us back to when we could watch the world forever, never speaking, never complaining. This is the point of the story. Not to create a world, but to allow the reader to see theirs in a new light.

Perhaps the city isn’t really a city. Perhaps it’s a small hamlet by the river, or a gleaming metropolis bordering the endless ocean. Perhaps this child is the reader, or even the author themselves.

Nevertheless, we shall keep this child as they are: vague.

~~~{}~~~

One beautiful morning, the child sat staring out the window from their bed. All at once, they saw the past and the future, but not the present. They saw the past in the low-hanging rooftops and streetsigns of yesteryear, and they saw the future in the shining buildings on the horizon, always shrouded in a swirling abyss of clouds. They saw the light in the day, and the dark in the night, but never the mornings and evenings, for they always belonged to either the former or the latter.

The present never shows its face. Every event in time is instantly the past, and every event that is to occur is always the future. The present, however, is only a designation; a frame of view for events that have occurred in the near-past.

The child continued to stare, their eyes never shifting away as they watched the world go by.

The days and nights came and went, the future became the past. The beautiful city came to vanquish the sagging rooftops that once littered the child’s view.

Yet, at the same time, the child never slept. They never ate, nor did they drink. Nothing could take their eyes off the horizons far beyond.

Beyond what? Certainly not beyond reach, for we have conquered all but the deepest of oceans and the infinite nature of the cosmos itself. At the same time however, we are far from conquering even the smallest fraction of what there is to learn. With that, the child stares not at the physical horizon, but the horizons of imagination; the final frontier for all there is to know.

The horizon stretches far. The distance it stretches is to everyone’s concern, and no-one’s concern. It is relative to every being. Some may intentionally draw it closer, others may shove it forever beyond reach, always pushing further against the horizon of imagination with every step.

And so, the child stared. They stared, and stared, and stared, days grew into weeks. Weeks into months, months into years, and years decades. But the child still stared. The child never aged, for curiosity never grows old.

As the flow of time became but a blur in the eyes of the child, a peculiar thing began to occur. Strange things began to happen before their eyes. Buildings would abruptly shrink away into the distance, fading forever into obscurity. New buildings would spring from the ground to take their place, buildings covered by familiar sagging rooftops, buildings with beaming steel and glass.

Sometimes, the child would spy gatherings of people both within and outside of the buildings. Sometimes, these people would be donning pristine clothing, their hands clasped together as they themselves stared at a central focal point. Sometimes, these people would be a ragtag collection of tired faces, their arms outstretched as they scratched and bit each other over a measly portion of bread. Sometimes, these people would cheer and whoop, their fists pumping in the air as one of their own walked a stage.

Sometimes, there would be no people whatsoever.

Nevertheless, the child looked onward.

Yet, the child never stirred. There they stood for eons, a figure frozen within time itself, forever watching the world go by.

~~~{}~~~

Once upon a time, there was a young child. They lived, they loved, and as the years passed, they grew up.

Once upon a time, there was nothing but awe and wonder to the world. One day, however, the awe dulled, and the wonder faded to the winds.

~~~{}~~~

One day, the child blinked. All at once, every experience, every dream, nightmare, and emotion sprung to life. The child turned away from the window, their eyes once again alit with the colors of wonder. No longer were they fated to stare into the abyss of the infinite reality, but rather they were now able to experience this reality.

The world was awash in color. The brilliant blue sky clashed against the cool grass below in an endless battle for dominance. The gleaming buildings of glass and steel towered over the little brown huts that dotted the land.

Most importantly, for the first time in what seemed to be forever, the child smiled. They smiled, for even after so many years of staring, they knew that there would always be more.

They knew that there was still hope, that there was still joy in the world, even amongst the cold, unfeeling labyrinths of concrete that had become of the cities they saw. They knew that not everything there was to be learned was yet known.

Because in the end, we’re still only human.

There is no limit beyond the shimmering sky. Keep dreaming.

The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (The Day the World Exploded)

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"Jewel?"

I gagged, putting a rag back up to my face as I trudged through the rubble-filled streets of Canterlot.

"Jewel?"

Far above, the smoking caldera of Canterlot Mountain loomed over the city. I wiped my hoof across my forehead-- more ash.

"Over here!" Lunar Jewel's voice echoed through the empty streets.

I spun around, staring into the wreck that had been a bustling city just a day before. A pebble smacked me in the side.

"C'mon, Rusty," Jewel smirked, lighting her horn. I wheezed for a moment as she dropped a bag of her plunders on my back. "You wanna wait around for the ash to settle in your eyes, or are we gonna leave this place?"

"Yeah, let's go." I sighed, peering one last time into the ghostly streets. The distant tingling of a doorbell haunted the air as another small quake rippled through the ground.

One day. All it took was one day for everything to vanish.

Another pebble hit me as I shook myself from my daze.

The author took a hiatus from his hiatus because he was stuck in traffic while on vacation so he decided to lift the hiatus temporarily to do some "What If..."-ing?

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Yeah, gimme your most insane (rated-E, please) writing prompts that your think-mush can come up with, and let's see what I can do with it! :pinkiecrazy:

But seriously. I've been stuck in traffic on my laptop for the past hour or so, and it doesn't look like this California traffic is gonna be over anytime soon.

A thing happened?

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Now, as for the Pinkie Pie that is currently nomming that skyscraper over there, let's just assume that she doesn't exist for the time being.

What you'd really want in a Pinkie Pie vs. real-life scenario is a little bit of ponk summoning...

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/337935/i-think-i-summoned-a-ponk

'Cause I already wrote the thing earlier, and-- OH CRAP PINKIEZILLA'S HERE.

"AND SO IS PINKIE PIE #402!"

"Wha--"

*nuke noises*


Meanwhile in an alternate universe where Starlight became an alicorn and nopony ever noticed...

"Hey, would it be funny if Starlight became an alicorn?"

"Hush now, Spike. Don't speak such nonsense of our Queen!" Not-Twilight whispered, nudging her assistant as the two bowed before the clearly-an-alicorn Starlight Glimmer.

Sneak peek?

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Prologue | The Quake


I wiped a bead of sweat off my face as I tightened the final bolt. "There ya go," I grinned, rolling out from underneath the carriage, "all fixed... and you already prepaid for the job, so you're pretty much set!"

Without another word, my final customer of the day grinned, and set off with his carriage.

"Jewel?" I yawned, wiping my face with a towel hanging by the garage door as I entered the house. "You feel like eating out somewhere, or should I heat up yesterday's leftovers?"

Jewel turned to face me, standing up from her office chair. "Let's go out and eat today." she replied, "Just something quick today, 'kay?"

A low rumble rippled through the house, followed by a tremor as dust fell from the cracks across the ceiling.

Jewel froze, slowly turning her gaze to her desk. "Rusty, do you think--"

All thoughts of dinner vanished from my mind as I dove for Jewel. "It's another earthquake!" I hollered, tackling my marefriend to the ground. "Get low!"

Jewel and I crawled underneath her desk as the shaking grew more intense. Her horn lit up as a shield spell flickered to life over us. Somewhere in the kitchen, the sound of porcelain shattering rung through the air.

"...And that's reason number three for why we should've gotten those magnetic cabinet doors instead." Jewel mumbled, rolling her eyes as she intensified the spell.

Just as suddenly as it began, the quake subsided. I sighed, throwing a hoof out to pull myself from underneath the desk. Jewel's foreleg blocked my path.

"Aftershocks, remember?" She snapped, pulling my hoof back under the desk as she pumped even more energy into the shield. "There's a good chance that the one that just hit was only the weakest of the bunch."

The desk creaked, swaying as Jewel's prediction came true. Another rumble tore through the floor, accompanied this time by the clatter of whatever else it was that had fallen loose. In response, she winced as the shield lit up in a brilliant blue. She'd been bragging to me about that second layer of the spell for quite a while now, but never before had I actually seen it myself.

A hissing noise took to the air as a pipe ruptured somewhere nearby. My ears swiveled to the noise of something detaching above the desk. I could only watch as the desk above us was torn open by a chunk of ceiling, the rubble bouncing off Jewel's shield. There wasn't really much else I could do besides that. No horn, no wings. I turned back to Jewel's pained face as she struggled to hold the spell.

"Eh... I guess those spellbooks you bought paid off in the end?"

Jewel shot a glare in return for my joke.

Once again, the shaking halted. With a grunt, Jewel tore down her shield as plaster began to trickle through the cracks. Slowly, we emerged from the remains of her desk, the aforementioned spellbooks now littering the floor around us. I stared upwards, blinking in the sunlight that now flooded through the new rift in the building.

I turned back to Jewel. She'd already dispelled the shield and was at the moment packing her books into a saddlebag. "We need to go." She began, her back still turned to me. "It's becoming too dangerous to live here."

Near-end-of-hiatus chapter?

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"Hamsters are incredibly stupid."

Everyone stared at Fluttershy as she jumped out the plane.

villains were defeated by a boot to the head?

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"Grarr!" Tirek roared as he rampaged through Equestria.

"NO!" Rarity yelled in return, chucking an absolutely stunning boot at the minotaur.

"ACK!" Tirek screamed as his face was smacked by the tiny shoe, "MY ONLY WEAKNESS, BOOTS!"

He proceeded to scream for another full ten minutes before being enveloped in a shroud of flame, sinking back into the ground beneath him.

As for Rarity, she simply put her boot back on.

THE BOARD OF EDUCATION?!

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"And that's how you make a friend."

"WRONG." Twilight screamed, whipping out a 2x4 plank of wood, complete with 'Board of Education' scrawled across it in marker. "TRY AGAIN!"

The sound of a wooden plank smacking Celestia in the face was said to be heard all across the galaxy...

...Mostly because of Luna's hair.

Chancellor Neighsay vs. the Board of Education?

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"YOU'RE FRIENDSHIP SCHOOL IS--"

*smack*

"GRAMMAR!"

"WHATEVER. I'LL BRING THIS TO THE COUR--"

*smack*

"DO YOU EVEN FRIENDSHIP, NEIGHSAY?!"

REEEEEEEEEEEEE all your problems away!

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Raven stepped into Celestia's bedchambers, a stack of paperwork bulging from her saddlebags.

"Celestia, now isn't the time for napping."

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--"

"Celes--"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Celestia took a much-needed nap that day after destroying the ears of everypony within a 50-mile radius.

HIATUS RETURNUS?!

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...idk.

"How 'bout we get some suggestions goin' down in those comments, eh?"

"Twilight, who are you even talking to?"

Twilight said nothing, instead only continuing to stare at the blank page with a crazed face.

Pinkie showed Twilight the fourth wall?

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"What... what is this, Pinkie?" Twilight asked, tapping at the near-invisible fourth wall barrier.

"The fourth wall, of course!" Pinkie squealed in return. "Try talking to it!"

Twilight raised a brow, then turned back to the fourth wall. "Um... hello?"

Silence.

She looked at Pinkie. Then to the wall again. "Pinkie, this isn't wor--"

Twilight didn't have time to scream as she and Pinkie plunged into the inter-universal fabric of the multiverse.

Starlight fixed Cranky and Matilda's wedding?

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100. Slice of Life

“This says the wedding is today!” Matilda panicked.

A brilliant flash of light illuminated the room just as Matilda lifted up the invitation.

“Nothing time travel can’t handle.” Starlight smirked, lighting her horn.

~~~

A time vortex opened up in the middle of the road, randomly swallowing up not only Vinyl Scratch, but Octavia, the road, and the dubstep-mobile.

~~~

Clunk.

“WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT?!” Applejack shouted as Vinyl and Octavia crash-landed on the bugbear.

Past-Octavia cantered up to the now-squished monster, poking it in the side a couple times with her cello’s bow. She stared up at her future doppelganger and Vinyl, of whom simply shrugged.

Meanwhile, Special Agent Sweetie Drops turns away, never to be heard of again.

Meanwhile meanwhile, with the Bugbear taken care of, Pinkie bounced off to work on the wedding plans.

Amethyst Star watched in the background.

~~~

“Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all th—“

“Done, done, and done.” Starlight’s disembodied voice rung out over Derpy and Dr. Hooves. The former proceeded to drop into a portal, while the latter choked on his drink.

~~~

“Then you’ve got to help me!” Doctor Hooves exclaimed, holding up is suit. “I need this suit tailored, it’s an emergency!”

“Hahaha. Sorry, man. We’re just about to start the finals.”

“…What’s this word you keep using, man?”

Before anypony could respond, a freshly-tailored suit was spat out of a wall-portal, landing perfectly over the Doctor’s face.

~~~

“Oh… oh, I’ll never get my mane done in—“

One blinding flash of magical hairbrusherry later, and Matilda’s mane was as good as done.

Lotus Blossom simply blinked.

“Ahem.” Steven Magnet coughed, “Uh, what a lovely day we’re having, isn’t it?”

~~~

Starlight eyed the final paragraph of the page in Twilight’s Friendship Journal, her muzzle scrunched up as the mental scene played out in her head.

She looked up, staring through the window of the ongoing wedding over the collective shoulders of Twilight & Company.

“Eh, looks like my job here’s done.”

Rumors tell that the pizza at the wedding tasted strangely of pizza. And Celestia's "forgotten" present.

...

...

The music that day was strange, especially with Vinyl and Octavia being doubled via time travel.

what if what if what if what if...?

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Simple, Pinkie does the shrinky-dinks, Twilight goes all flllbrty, and the universe does a dead.

Alpaca of darkness?

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Yes, you heard me right. Not a patch of darkness. Alpaca darkness.


"And the night... will last... forever!" cackled the alpaca dressed in Nightmare Moon cosplay, fake lightning crackling all about from conveniently-placed strobe lights.

Heccbochs?

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*Clunk.*

"HOLY MOTHER O' CELESTIA'S NOSTRILS." Applejack exclaimed, "IS THAT THE BRAND-SPANKIN' NEW MEGAHARD-BRAND HECCBOCHS TOO?!"

"WHY YES IT IS, ELDER APPUL SIBLING." Apple Bloom boomed in return, "I HAVE ACQUIRED A BRAND-SPANKIN' NEW MEGAHARD-BRAND HECCBOCHS TOO FOR THE PURPOSE OF PERSONAL ENTERTAINMENT."

A jingle began to play outside the window as the two Apple sisters tore into the paper-thin walls of the Heccbochs Too box.

♫THE ULTIMATE MEEEME MACHIIIIIINE...♫

🎝GRANTING YOUR WISHES AND ALL YOUR DREAAAAAAMS...🎝

HECCBOCHS TOO, BY MEGAHARD.

Equestria was a tabletop RPG?

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...

...

Starlight Glimmer flipped the table.

Minions came to Equestria?

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Sombra screamed in terror as he suffocated under a pile of minions, of whom were currently worshiping their new "boss" with a cultlike zeal that hadn't been seen for eons.

The end.

I hope.

MORE minions came to Equestria?

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It's this. But with more minions.

all of the What Ifs happened at once?

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TL,DR: everything and nothing.

Not-so-short-and-you-gotta-read-it-all:

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/308542/what-if

:trollestia:

Asparagus?

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"Trixie..." Starlight groaned, "First it was teacups, and now--"

"ASPARAGUS!" Trixie roared with a cackle, sending a bolt of magic hurtling at an apple... of which turned into a spear of asparagus.

I have writer's block.

Rarity was star-struck by Spike instead of the other way around?

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Rarity sighed, her eyes pinned to the window of her boutique as Spike waddled away with a basket of gemstones... of which he was currently munching on the contents of.

"Ahem?"

"Hello?"

A tap on the mare's shoulders brought her back to her senses. Rarity squeaked for a moment in surprise, whipping around to find a customer.

Spike was a full-grown dragon still living at the castle?

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Celestia cleared her throat, addressing the elephant... er, dragon in the room.

Spike, stooped over against the ceiling, waved a claw, returning to his (now seemingly tiny) comic book.

Celestia turned back to her former student. "Twilight, you need a bigger castle."

Sweetie Belle was a giraffe?

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"How's the weather up there, Sweetie Belle?"

"Shut up!"

the equivalent binary narrative hierarchy interval indicated in Equestria is trans-multidimensionally predestined to conceptionally collapse into a metaphysical singularity of the observable spatiotemporal continuum?

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The two parallel timelines of Equestria's multiverse; the Equestria Girls universe, known from here on as "EqG" and that of the "Original Equestria", hereby deemed as "E", have collided.

There is no EqG. There is no E.

There is only pony.

:pinkiecrazy:

Sweetie Belle accidentally brainwashed all of Equestria?

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"I'm tired of all these ponies making fun of my height." Sweetie-giraffe wailed, staring off into the distant Ponyville horizon. "Just for one day, I wish for all of Equestria to see me as any other filly..."

*magical fairy noises*

"Why, hello there! I'm your magical fairy of magical magic-ness and all things magic!"

Sweetie Belle perked up, wincing as she hit her head on a high-hanging tree branch. "Ow..." she groaned, rubbing her head. "...Oh boy, are you going to grant my wish now?"

"No, but you're gonna grant mine!" The fairy cackled, buzzing about in front of Sweetie's eyes.

"...What."

"WORLD DOMINATION!" The fairy cackled again, dramatic (but tiny) lightning bolts striking all around it.

"wat."

The fairy made no haste in summoning its toolbox, and zipping over to the back of Sweetie Belle's giraffe neck.

Sweetie Belle winced as a clang vibrated down her spine.

"What are you even doing?"

"Using your long neck as a transmitter to brainwash all of Equestria."

"Oh."

Equestria proceeded to get brainwashed. Sweetie Belle was perfectly fine with this considering how she was a giraffe, and the fairy was targeting ponies specifically.

all ships became canon at once?

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The ships were sunk by the cannons canons. :trollestia:

ponies discovered memes?

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linky link.

:trollestia:

the Mane 6 were all the biological mothers of a single foal?

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Starlight Glimmer cleared her throat as the rest of the mares gathered around the Cutie Map. "Now," she began, pulling a foal out of nowhere, "I've got one question, and no answers."

"Huh. Cute filly." Rainbow muttered, staring at the bundle in Starlight's hooves, "She yours?"

"No. she's all of yours."

"What."

"What?"

"Exactly."

"What?"

The filly squealed, unfurling her multicolored wings and horn. She cooed softly as she turned in Starlight's grasp.

"Holy crap she looks like all of us."

"Yup."

"How--"

"Don't even ask. Blame the time travel."

Spike ate Rarity's piano?

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"Oh my," Rarity gasped, wandering into her living room, "where is that beautiful music coming from?"

Spike burped up the piece "Für Elise".

:trollestia: :moustache:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mVW8tgGY_w

:moustache: :trollestia:

Sweetie Giraffe became a mascot?

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Aww, look. It's Sweetie Giraffe on a walk! How's the weather up there?

Look, you're so tall that even the trees are shorter than you!

*Sigh* No, Sweetie. For the last time, trees are not inferior beings that deserve to be incinerated by your giraffe-powers just because they're shorter.

Sweetie Giraffe + The Floor is Lava epic crossover?

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"The floor was beneath Sweetie Giraffe. Therefore, it must die." - Sweetie Giraffe, 2018

Sun sun no be hap hap... sun is maaaaad.

Sweetie Giraffe grew to the size of the sun and broke the fourth wall?

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She has taken over interplanetary space.

...Aaaaand there goes the fourth wall.

you tried reading all the previous chapters except your head explodes from too much information?

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*le boom*

the other 2 CMCs became giraffes as well and Equestria went to war over who was Best Giraffe?

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WORLD WAR GIRAFFE.

Coming not-so-soon to an insane asylum near you!

Twilight whacked everyone with a ruler?

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You have been whacked.

:trollestia:

the guy with the moon head from the 90s McDonald's commercial Mac Tonight sells McDonald's goods with Big Macintosh?

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"Dear Celestia, what is that?!"

Twilight stared as a looming, sunglasses-donning moon descended upon Equestria, with Big Mac leading the way.

Er... big macs. Like, both the hamburger, and the pony.

Equestria is weird sometimes all the time.

"BUY SOME APPLES MCDONALDS FOOD!"

"Eeyup."

Randomness happened 7?

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"For the last time, Pinkie, strip poker and strip mining are two very different things!"

Youtube died today? And then un-died? And then re-died again? And then revived again?

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Yup. It done diddly-did the dead.

IT LIIIIIIIVES!

IT'S DEEEEEAD!

It's back again. Go home Youtube, you're drunk.

Ch33zb0rg3r?

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"What... what is this?"

Pinkie smiled, shoving the plate closer to Twilight. "It's a Ch33zb0rg3r!"

"What."

"Exactly!" Pinkie squealed, picking up the holographic meme-burger and shoving it in Twilight's mouth. "Try it!"

"MMF!"

Twilight read Twilight?

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Rumors say that the thermonuclear blast of this single event spawned the entire franchise of Fallout: Equestria.

Discord had an existential crisis?

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Discord knocked at the fourth wall, watching as it warped and rippled at his touch.

"Oh... oh," he groaned, "I'm in a crappy fanfiction about my fellow ponies, aren't I?"

Staplers invaded Equestria?

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...

...

COMMENCE THE OFFICE SUPPLY TAKEOVER OF EQUESTRIA, _____ BY NONE OTHER THAN THE LORD-SUPREME OF OFFICE PRODUCTS, ________!

"___!" screamed _____.

"_____..." deadpanned _____.

_____ rubbed their hooves together with a _____ grin.

"_____."

Duel of the What Ifs?

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Hey PixelMoon, get over here and join in with your own What If story!

the Techieverse Story Sing-ularity?

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All across the collective universes of 'Techie's stories, the song of his people came through, loud and clear.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

format C:?

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All of your ponies have been deleted. There is no turning back now.

Crows!

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Twilicrow squawked at Crowlestia. Crowlestia squawked in return, dropping the shiny object in her beak.

All of Equestria proceeded to flock Canterlot Castle over the shiny object.

There is no pony. Only crows.

Squawk.

Twilight ate a quesadilla?

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Red dripped from Twilight's shaky hooves, a crazed grin spread across the mare's face as she bit and tore into her prey. The sickening rrrrrrip-rrrrip of its skin tore at the air, complementing the muffled groans of her feasting.

"...Twilight?"

Twilight whirled around with an animalistic growl, shreds of red-stained white and yellow still hanging from the corners of her maw as she narrowed her eyes.

"Twilight," Spike deadpanned, flipping the lights on, "you don't have to hide when you're eating quesadillas... also, you're dripping hot sauce on the floor again."

Discord babysat Flurry Heart?

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There's a reason why this particular universe exists.

Twilight stopped Flurry Heart before she could add additional ingredients to the pudding recipe?

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"Enjoy the pudding, Pinkie?"

Pinkie replied with muffled slurping.

Twilight stared at the camera like she was on The Office?

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"Butts."

Twilight cracked a cocky grin at the invisible fourth-wall camera as everypony stared on in confusion.

A laugh track faintly echoed in the background.

A not-a-laugh-track faintly echoed in the background. :trollestia:

Pinkie had to glue the fourth wall back together?

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"Pi n e, wh t re you d in ?"

"I' fi in th ou th w l wi h g ue!"

Twi ig t b in ed.

'W a ."

...

...

"Fixed it!"

"Seriously Pinkie, what are you doing splurting glue into the road?"

"I was fixing the fourth wall! I... broke it on accident."

Sidewards and Backways? (And upside-down, too!)

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˙ᔕʎɐʍʞɔɐᓄ ᓀ⊂ɐ ᔕᓀɹɐʍǝᓀᴉᔕ ⊂ǝʇʇᴉɹʍ ʍo⊂ ᔕᴉ ɹǝʇᗜɐɥɔ ᔕᴉɥ┴ ˙ǝɹǝɥʇ o⌐⌐ǝェ

:trollestia:

Luna got obsessed over lava and elephant boots again?

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"LAVA!" Luna hollered as she stomped into Celestia's bedroom in her thundering elephant boots, "THE FLOOR IS LAVA!"

"Holy crap Luna you need to stop."

the narrator was coming up with a good idea but the lights went out and he forgot to save?

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...

...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

crappy red and black edgy alicorn OCs invaded Equestria?

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"Move aside, Celly," Butter Knife grumbled, shoving Princess Celestia from her throne, "It's time for a new ruler to take the reins of the country."

"But I--"

"BANISHMENT!" Slicey-Knifey hollered, calling her red-and-black alicorn army forth to take away Celestia.


Slick Slice ruled with an iron hoof, because she lost the hoof in the great war for ultimate power over the abridged universes of whatever when she dove over her younger sibling to save them from the imperial army of darkness and evil.

Boy, was that a mouthful. Anyways, she failed, obviously, because she's got an iron hoof now. And dead parents. And nobody ever loved her. And because her power levels were too OP for anypony else to comprehend.

ANYWAYS, Milk-derived-breakfast-spread Metal-separation-and-spreading-tool frowned as she sat upon her red and black throne, her red and black horn and wings displayed proudly in a show of her OP-ness.

Also, she couldn't smile because she was always frowning. And stuff.

And Equestria Airtseuqe lived drearily never before. Because backwards words sometimes make things look edgy, and Butter Knife likes edgy even though she's not even sharp. Because butter knife.

Spike hatched Twilight?

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Spike concentrated harder, his claws digging painfully into his palm as he focused on the egg in front of him. Just outside, a young Ember zoomed past, breaking his concentration for a brief moment... A moment enough for his mind to stray from his current task, and board a train of thought that'd result in the ricocheting of his focused dragonfire all around the room, leaving a trail of flames everywhere it went.

Into the flames went the priceless carpet underneath the young drake's feet.

Into the flames went the intricate drapes obscuring the windows.

Into the flames went his parents, of whom were unscathed, unlike the previous accidental targets.

Has it been mentioned that his dragonfire is enchanted? 'Cause it is.

Fw-oosh!

The green flames hit the lavender egg straight-on, engulfing the fragile shell with an enchanted green blaze that only grew in size as it consumed its surroundings.

Curiously, however, the egg itself went unharmed. In fact, it appeared to now be on the verge of--

Crack.

--Hatching.

"Well then," Dragon Lord Torch grumbled, blinking away the soot in his face from the earlier ricocheting flames, "You... pass?"

Spike beamed with glee, too absorbed in his excitement and little celebration to currently notice the glowing-white-eyed-filly who was currently rising ominously from the eggshell.

"WHO DARES AWAKEN THE ALICORN OF MAGIC?!" The filly's voice boomed as a pair of wings unfurled on the unicorn's back, "ANSWER, OR PAY THE CONSEQUENCES."

Dragon Lord Torch sighed, shaking his head before blowing out the enchanted flames fueling the newly-hatched filly's abrupt rise to goddess-hood.

At once, the lighting in the room returned to normal, and the noticeably non-winged unicorn filly dropped back into the eggshell, before peeking over the edge and blowing a raspberry at nobody in particular.

"So, what're you gonna name her, Spike?"

Spike frowned, frantically looking around the room for something that was name-worthy. His eyes landed on the title of a... particular book on the Dragon Lord's personal bookshelf.

"Twilight..." he began, reading the title off in a hurry before turning his attention in the opposite direction. The kitchen doors swung open for a moment, allowing for a particularly-iridescent gem to send a beam of light in his direction.

"...Sparkle," he finished, folding his stubby arms, "Twilight Sparkle. That's what I'll name her."

"Ga!" Twilight responded, tumbling from the eggshell onto the floor.

"Wait a second. Ponies don't lay eggs!"

His frown returning, Spike stared into Twilight's eyes.

The captive soul of an otherworldly Princess stared back at him.

Luna found a banacumber in space?

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Nightmare Moon groaned, rubbing her head as she brushed the moon-dust off of herself.

Moon dust.

The alicorn jerked her eyes to the lunar sky, staring back at the marble-like planet she stood on moments prior.

Suddenly, a strange, curvy, yellowish-green thing floated into her vision, thonking her in the face hard enough to temporarily smack the Nightmare Moon out of Luna.

"Whuh... bluh?" Luna drooled, very likely concussed from the impact, "Wazzzzz dat a banan???"

Her shaky magic reached out for the banacumber, pulling it back to her. Luna stared at the strange hybrid food, a look of confusion on her face.

"Issa cucumber." One voice in her head dismissed.

"Nuuuuu nu nu nu. It banan!" Another voice argued.

"'Sa CUKE!"

"NU. BANAN!"

"CUKE."

"BANAN."

"EVIL!" Nightmare Moon's voice cackled, also moderately concussed from the projectile banacumber. "YOU. DARKNESS. NIGHT. FOREVER!"

With an anticlimactic pop, Luna turned back into Nightmare Moon, and let the banacumber drift away into space again as she turned her mind back to sulking for a thousand years.

the Pillars of Equestria got into a seven-hour argument over the proper pronunciation of the onomatopoeia of attacks?

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"No, it's shazam!"

"I must apologize, but you must've meant zap."

Twilight stared at Spike, then back to the Pillars, of whom continued to bicker over their onomatopoeias.

"Miss Sparkle, would you kindly cast a spell to set an example of what magical attacks sound like?"

Twilight shrugged, charging her horn.

*Insert kazoo noises here*

"...That's not what magic should sound like."

it started rain books?

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"YUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS..."

"Twilight, why are you dancing?"

"I'm doing the rain dance!"

"Why are you doing the rain dance?!"

"I cast a spell to make it rain books!"

"Oh."

Books fell from the sky that day, but that's because Derpy messed up a bulk assorted book shipment.

Chapter name narrative?

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Wake up.
Take a look around.
The world is calling.
There’s so much to see,
So much to hear.
There’s new people to meet,
And old friends to greet.
You’ll never know what’s in store,
If you never open the door.
You have the power.
It’s your choice.
Forge your own path,
Be your own guide.
The road is never smooth,
You are not alone.
More than what meets the eye,
There is always the unknown.
The truth may be hard,
Reassemble the puzzle.
Give it some thought.
The past never dies.
A brief glimpse is all it takes,
Now, there’s a choice to make.
Go home…
…Or go on.
There’s a greater world out there,
Explore.
Expand your horizons.
Relive your past.
Come back,
Find yourself.
Split lives,
Unforgotten.
Rewrite the script,
Hold on…

Tech abuse?

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Have you ever installed Windows 10 on a computer with a 5.25" floppy drive?

Sweetie Giraffe invaded the internet?

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No time right now to draw a new panel, but just imagine "your desktop" being replaced by "the internet". :trollestia:

Pinkie Pie overthrew Celestia and Luna?

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"And on Saturdays," Pinkie gasped, balancing the two tiaras atop her head while bouncing on a beach ball, "We'll have Saturday parties!"

"Pinkie..." Twilight groaned, "You've already declared national parties for every day of the week."

Pinkie paused, glancing to Celestia and Luna, both of whom were currently enjoying the complimentary ice cream cake that Pinkie rationed to all of Equestria.

"Well, double the parties!" she squeaked, bouncing onto the floor with a bow.

Twilight facehoofed.

Discord helped?

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A flash of rainbow cheetos commenced the appearance of Discord, who tipped his pirated MP3 hat at Pinkie while making pirate noises.

"Greetings, fair Princess of Equestria," he snarked, taking a bow at Pinkie.

"Ooh! Discord!" Pinkie squealed in return, "Did you come to party again?!"

"Nonsense," Discord scoffed, his mouth speaking for him, "I've only come to party again!"

"Yay!"

"Yes."

"What."

Celestia choked on her cake in the corner, prompting her sister to perform the Heimlich maneuver on her.

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN...

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QYAcIEeIAU

"HOLY CELESTIA, IN THE NAME OF THE LAW, STOP RUNNING AND PULL OVER."

the author didn't know what to write anymore?

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...wow, it's been a while since I've done a meta chapter, hasn't it?

...

...

The keyboard looks like a nice place to rest my face on right now.

Cheese Sandwich was there too?

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*Insert reality explosion noises here*

Celestia slowly pulled off her sunglasses.

"Mother of me."

Minecraft invaded Equestria?

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"WHY. CAN'T. I. CHOP. THIS. WOOD?!" Rainbow Dash complained, trying to karate-chop wood with a single move.

Applejack cantered past, staring at her friend with blocky, pixelated eyes before lightly tapping the wood over and over. Cracks began to form after a few taps. Then the cracks spread. And then the wood broke.

Rainbow Dash screamed, smacking her face into the itemized wooden plank block, which simply... whooshed up into her inventory.

Spike molted at the same time that the CMCs got their Cutie Marks?

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"So... we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders dragon molters?"

Spike groaned, slamming his head into the desk again.

Sweetie Giraffe began to multiply while replacing Twilight's books with quesadillas and causing a literary singularity as the entire What If multiverse imploded upon itself?

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Lemme tell y'all this: My inner elementary schooler really enjoyed drawing this masterpiece in MS-Paint. :rainbowwild:

Christmas Eve 2018 special?

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...

...

"HOLY CRAP IS THAT SANTA?!" Pinkie screamed as a jolly ol' fella slipped down the chimney.

"Ho ho ho," Anon Skinny Green Not-Old-At-All Santa deadpanned, "Merry Christmas."

Pinkie paused, reading over the above line in this chapter. "Wait a minute..." she began, "Isn't that the description of the Grinch?"

"Uhhhhhh..."

"Eh, who cares?!" Pinkie squealed, pulling Santanon in for a hug, "Ooh, can I deliver presents with you?!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh..."

Pinkie's eyes widened.

"Can I be the presents???"

"UHHHHHHHHHHHMMM..." Anon mumbled, fumbling for his list (written by Twilight, of course) on what was allowed and what wasn't during his time as Santa.

Pinkie snatched the list, speed-reading through the entire thing at a pace that would've left Twilight in the dust.

"Ooh, it doesn't say that I can't..." she smirked slyly, creeping towards the fireplace. "Let's have some fun, shall we?"

And that was how reality broke. Again.

Unnamed story idea #1?

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Unnamed story idea #1

Main character is introduced in first-person story. Story centers around main character having the curse (not really a curse curse) of being torn from reality for anytime between just a few seconds, to minutes or even hours before returning to real-life. They don’t know how to explain it, or why it happens, but whenever it does happen, to them it’s as if they just woke up in an endless expanse of nothing, controlled entirely by their own whim.

Piece by piece, after realizing the potential of this “curse” that they have, they begin to construct their own sort of pocket-reality, where they have created their own ideal world.

As time goes on, the time they spend in the pocket-reality gets longer and longer, with the expansion suddenly halting at exactly twelve hours split between the two realities.

They continue to live this way for a few more weeks, gradually becoming accustomed to the strange splitting of their time. They begin to grow into their new double-life, until one day, without any warning, the cycle resets, leaving them with only mere seconds in their pocket-reality that they’d spent so much time and effort constructing.

This continues for a few more days, growing the time once again from seconds into minutes, before a mysterious figure warns them that eventually, they have to choose which reality they prefer – permanently.

The total time that the story spans is only a couple of months at the most.

it started all over again?

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At long last, after countless years of first studying in the Royal Canterlot Archives, then subsequently running out of reading material and resorting to writing her own eye-candy, Twilight set down her quill.

She blinked, staring at the tower of pages before her, each one its own story.

"Holy crap, I wrote this?!" she grumbled, raising her brow high enough for it to gain flight.

"Yes, you have indeed written us, mother," the pages replied, leading to a full-scale freakout of epic proportions on Twilight's behalf.

"I... I think I need to go outside for a bit."

~~~~~===+++{(Just a few steps outside) Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~

Twilight stepped outside, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the soft rays of light warming her face. A gentle breeze brushed past her mane as she took another step.

She let out a sigh that she never even knew was coming. It had been years since she'd seen the sun, ever since she had started the laborious task of writing stories herself. For the first time since those three years, she finally relaxed. All at once, she felt like everything she ever worried about had melted away.

And then she remembered the literary embodiment of a garbage fire that she'd just written.

She opened her eyes again, a strange smile spreading across her face as she turned to kick in her own door.

"SPIKE!" she hollered, panting heavily as she picked off splinters of her front door from her coat, "I NEED YOU TO FIND ME A BOX OF MATCHES AND A CAN OF GASOLINE, NOW!"

It had become increasingly normal for Spike to hear Twilight slam the door open and yell something, and so he simply hopped down the stairs, a book still in hand.

"What did you just ask for?" he frowned, looking up from his sneaky Rarity pics comic book highlights scrapbook, "I think I misheard, but don't tell me you just asked for highly flammable material in a library."

"YES, YES I AM INDEED ASKING FOR HIGHLY FLAMMABLE MATERIAL IN A LIBRARY," Twilight boomed, "I HAVE A BURNING DESIRE TO PURGE MYSELF OF THE TRAINWRECK CURRENTLY SITTING ON MY DESK. THE THING IS POSSESSED, Y'KNOW."

"Um--"

"KILL IT WITH FFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEE!"

"Twilight, are you oka--"

"FIRE!" Twilight hollered again as her mane began to sproink out in various directions.

A giant hand from out of nowhere suddenly broke through the window for the sole purpose of giving Twilight a much-needed slap on the face.


"Twilight, why did you just write about yourself being slapped in the face by a giant disembodied hand?"

Twilight froze, covering up as much of the parchment as possible with her hooves as she spun around to face Spike.

"Uh... what if?" she chuckled nervously.

the author has been doing nothing but watching Smash Ultimate tournaments on Youtube instead of writing?

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Pichu still too OP.

...

...

Twilight stood up and promptly flipped her table, her chair, Spike, and Derpy out the window in frustration at the slow pace of the story.

the Princesses had kirin traits?

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Welcome to Equestria.

The Spanish Inquisition invaded Equestria?

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"PURGE THE HERETICS."

"DRIVE THE NONBELIEVERS OUT OF EQUESTRIA!"

"I want my books back."

"WE BURNED YOUR HERETICAL TEXTS LONG AGO, TWILIGHT."

AN ARMY OF RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS INVADED EQUESTRIA?

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"WHAT THE BUCK ARE THOSE?!"

"I THINK THEY'RE RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS, TWILIGHT!"

"I CAN SEE THAT, SPIKE. BUT WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?!"

"THEY'RE BEING RIDICULOUS, DUH! YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT, TWILIGHT."

"OH."

"WHY ARE WE SHOUTING AGAIN, TWILIGHT?!"

"I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THE RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS SAY TO."

"DOES THAT MEAN THEY'RE CONTROLLING US?!"

"I HAVE NO IDEA SPIKE. I THINK WHOEVER'S CONTROLLING THE RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS IS ALSO THE ONE CONTROLLING US."

"WHY ARE THEY DESTROYING PONYVILLE?!"

"I DON'T KNOW."

"TWILIGHT, MY THROAT IS STARTING TO HURT BUT I CAN'T STOP SHOUTING STILL!"

"SAME HERE, SPIKE!"

Celestia snickered in the background.

Flashfic entry?

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"Twilight, are you okay?"

The mare only smiled at her assistant, giving him a gentle pat on the head before setting her chin back on the table with a sigh.

"Twilight?"

"I'm fine, Spike. Don't worry about me. I'm just... a little tired."

Reluctantly, the dragon turned away, trudging into another room. Watching as he disappeared through a doorway, Twilight turned her focus back to a framed picture of her mother-- Twilight Velvet.

"Thanks for everything, mom..." she whispered, her voice wavering as tears began to form in her eyes.

Turning away, Twilight pushed the picture frame back under the small tabletop shelf, wiping away her tears as she stood up. She paused, taking a deep breath. Two. Three.

Recomposing herself, she trotted off after Spike, the same gentle smile from earlier once again beaming from her face.

"Spike!" she called, "Do you want to read a comic with me?"

Mad Libs time?

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"Welcome to _____."

"Huh?" _____ grumbled, turning in their seat.

"I said," the ______ repeated, "Welcome to _____."

"That's not what you said before, y'know."

"Hey!" Miss Cheerilee scolded, "No talking in class right now!"

A piece of paper landed on _____'s desk. Opening it revealed the following quote:

"________________________________________." - ______

SUDDENLY, xXx-G4M3RZ-LUN420-xXx CRASHED THROUGH THE ROOFTOP, SENDING _____ FLYING IN EVERY DIRECTION AS SHE PERCHED ATOP ______'S HEAD AND SCREAMED, AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS, "_________________________!"

Big Chungus entered Equestria?

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"Twilight, why is there a giant rabbit in my castle?"

"It's not a giant rabbit," Twilight retorted, heaving as she pushed Bugs Bunny closer to Celestia, "It's Big Chungus!"

"..."

"'Tis a meme, sister." Luna deadpanned in response to Celestia's blank stare.

Hasbro was part of the Kingdom Hearts canon in a story that wrote the author while Imperial Japan and Shaggy defeated the changelings before the latter decided to overthrow Celestia?

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Hasbro was part of the Kingdom Hearts canon in a story that wrote the author while Imperial Japan and Shaggy defeated the changelings before the latter decided to overthrow Celestia?


"Ready, Goofy, Donald?"

A cold wind ripped past the trio as they stood before the besieged Canterlot Castle.

...

...

Of which was caused by a Japanese A6M Zero whoosh-ing just overhead to aid in pushing back the Changelings.

A brilliant light suddenly blazed along the horizon, forcing out three heroes to shield their eyes in the bedazzlement as Ultra Instinct Shaggy emerged from the very bowels of the universe itself, awakened by the collective pleas of every Alicorn combined to combat the Changelings.

Using just .0001% of his power, Shaggy teleported himself to the underbelly of the Japanese plane, holding onto the wheels with the power of his Shaggy-ness as he drew closer to Canterlot.

Summoning the Infinity Gauntlet straight off of Thanos' hand, Shaggy proceeded to pluck each stone off the gauntlet, popping them into his pocket as he absorbed their power through diffusion.

Hold on, I meant powering them up through diffusion, since... y'know, diffusion brings things from a higher concentration to a lower one.

Either way, after unceremoniously transporting the gauntlet and stones back to the MCU with a mere .2% of his power, Shaggy let go of the plane, careening down into the center of Canterlot City.

Short to say, he expelled the darn buggers with only 1% of his power. Why did it take so much power compared to traveling between universes and rapid teleportation? Well, these changelings were all wielding the power of not one, not two, but three Shreks.

I have no idea what I just wrote.


EDIT:

Also, after the chaos of the Canterlot was over, Shaggy booted Celestia off the throne with only 10% of his power, and ruled justly until the end of time... of which upon reaching it, Shaggy simply willed it to continue on anyways.

addendum to the previous chapter?

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Ah, crap. I forgot about the "What if the story wrote the author" part.

...

...

Yeah, I don't feel lik--

SUDDENLY PINKIE CRASHES THROUGH THE CEILING, PINNING THE AUTHOR TO THE GROUND AND SLAPPING HIM OUT OF EXISTENCE AND INTO A POCKET DIMENSION WHERE JUST LIKE IN MOTHER RUSSIA, STORY WRITE YOU!

characters googled themselves?

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Fluttershy shuddered beneath her pile of blankets and animal guards.

"What's wrong with her?"

"She googled herself and found... images."

"Oh."

Sleep-deprived keyboard slamming?

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"Twilight, look!"

Twilight turned just in time to be hit with a keyboard. In the face.

*Insert corny music here + laugh track*

Big ol' something something sleepytime thingy?

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Twilight Sparkle waved a flesh tentacle of banacles at Derpy, who in tern blew a raspberry. Like, an actual berry. Right out onto the ground, too.

"HIYAH!" Link screeched as he descended from the heavens above, helicoptering down by spinning rapidly with his sword.

Large boulders began to rain down sideways off the bottom of Canterlot Castle. Canterlot Castle is a beautiful place because it is a beautiful place that is wonderful and stuff.

"Oh no. Not Boulder," Maud monotoned monotonously as she pranced over Holder's Boulder to retrieve Boulder from the larger boulders, "I shall reunite you with Gummy, where you will live happily ever after."

Anon screamed.

"Oy vey," Sweetie Bot shook her head furiously like a cat that came out of a heavily-chlorinated swimming pool, "This certainly isn't going as to plan."

The door slammed open, revealing Celestia as she moonwalked backwards through the air-door, passing over the bridge to the beforelife. Everypony laughed at her reverse-passing.

MEANWHILE...

Certified Grade-A+ Egghead Dr. Professor Rainbow Dash cackled, her derp eyes burning holes through her textbook as she absorbed the pure, unfiltered knowledge through diffusion. Nearby the time-whack machine whacked the time again, setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop--

The universe restarted from its errored ways, rebirthing all that ever came to be. Except for that weird gearbox grease that looks like strawberry jam but actually tastes horrible and is all sticky if you leave it out to get dusty. Also, woodglue is great on sandwiches. Fite me.

"Howdy howdy howdy," Applejack greeted from her apple-den, "Howdy howdy?"

Rarity scoffed. "I am so offended by that!"

Fluttershy didn't say anything. She was a tree, and the Lorax spoke for her instead.

"I am groot." the Lorax stated matter-of-factly, "I. Am. Groot."

"Yes, yes! Excellent work here, my preciouses!" Pinkie squealed over her sentient cupcakes as she watched them go about their world of frosting, "My cupcake creatures live! They liiiiiive!"

A big ol' freakin' foot stepped in the middle of the frosting world.

"Whoopsies."

"AH'MA GETCHA!" Dory teased, swimming in the air after a sky-jellyfish AKA a wandering plastic bag.

"Moooom, can you help me on my workhome?" Freddy moaned, clawing at the edge of his desk.

Mrs. Mom shook her head as she worked on her grown-up homework. "Sorry, Fredbert, I have homework to do. Workhome is for little kids to do since they have to provide money for the family."

"That's not how that works!"

"That's not how any of this works."

"You're a dog now!"

"Meow."

That one thunderous roar echoed over all of Equestria, pinging all over near and far as it ruptured the ear-heary-hairs of all the ponies within a gazillion-mile radius.

Also, while you were reading this an arm made of bananas punched its way out of your screen and stole your toes.

"I hate time," Luna spat, spitting her spittle spittingly all over her brand-spankin' new Heccbochs Too console. "It always goes in one direction, but it never cares about the other direction. Why does time not like backwards movement?"

The Heccbochs Too said nothing, for it was a video game console.

Words. Words words words words horsewords!

Anon the Second pointed his slingshot's binoculars up the manhole in the middle of Cloudsdale. The foot of the table fell on Princess Skystar's head, knocking her into a pocket universe made of PFUDOR.

Big Calculus drove straight through the middle of Canterlot and demolished things like the very concept of how to maths because calculus does that to you.

"OH NO MY GRAPES." Grapejack sniffed.

Orangejack poured herself a glass of pulp fiction.

Pearjack glanced up from her book, pushing her pear-o-vision goggles up before stuffing her eyeballs under the couch.

Grapefruitjack stared lovingly at Grapejack, but like Romeo and Juliet, their love was never meant to be. Because they're fruit with sharpie faces. Also they are sentient, but that's a minor detail.

Almondjack milked the almonds for the day.

The sound of thunderous applause tore through the streets high, low, and lower. It was an amazing feat for such a minor event; the birth of the world's next Princess. Prince? Prince-ess.

Darkly Blackington unfurled his pitch-black with red highlights wings as he opened his mismatched feline eyes, his crackling horn sparking with dark magic that would put your friends' dirty socks to shame.

"I HAVE POWER!" He-Man announced somewhere from atop Mount Everest.

A giant floating hand appeared over Equestria, prompting Lyra to sacrifice herself to the hand-gods by jumping into the swirly portal of swirly colors and hands and human stuff like walking with your foot and drinking water.

"TAKE ME TOO!" Bon Bon yelled, grabbing Lyler by her hoof as the two were dragged into the magical world of Candyland x D&D.

All around me are familiar faces saying don't forget your safety squints.

Tod the Talking Pillow talked to Celestia about talking pillow things. Celestia in return retorted with some horsewords. Back and forth this conversation would go, lasting for seconds upon minutes upon hours upon days upon weeks upon months upon seasons upon years upon decades and so on until the very end of time itself.

*Insert filler material here.*

"Hold on just one hot second here," Twibright Sprinkle deadpanned, munching on her celery stick and mud sandwich, "What're you even doing, reading this hot garbage? Go do something with your life. You have the power invested in yourself to change the world, as long as you put effort into it."

Did I mention that woodglue absolutely should not replace mayo when eating a sandwich?

idk.

HIATUS BREAKUS?!

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAA-AAAA? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"A."

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--"

"AAAAAAAA!"

"--EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"--EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"AE?"

"EA."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

Morgan Freeman came to (and voiced) Equestria?

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"Hey, Spike I--"

Rainbow Dash froze, both hooves covering her mouth. She removed them, trying to speak again.

"Spike, tell Twi--"

Except, it wasn't her voice. Rather, it was that of an otherworldly, godly being. Gone was the constant rasp of Rainbow, and in its place was now the smoothest voice to ever be heard in Equestria.

Spike glanced up from his comic book.

"Yeah?" He replied with the same voice, "...Woah. I sound hot."

A celestial being radiating good narration emerged from behind a corner. He shot a single glance of approval at the world that he granted access to his voice to, and vanished into a cloud of also still smooth epic narration.

"Anyways," Rainbow Dash continued in Morgan Freeman's voice, "I was gonna ask you to tell Twilight to watch out for the tornado coming straight for her library castle thing."

Three hours later, Twilight returned from Canterlot and screamed, for a tornado had obliterated her alphanumerically-genre organized shelves, meaning that she'd now have to sort out the fanfiction from the actual books. Again.

A shudder ran down her spine as she reached for the first fanfic.

Canterlot Castle tastes like banana?

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Celestia shuddered, giving the wall another delightful lick.

"Lulu!" she beamed as Luna wandered into the room, "The castle tastes like bananas!"

Luna raised a brow, licking her lips as she cantered towards her sister. She gave the wall a sniff. Then, a cautious lick.

"Hmm..." she hummed, "Hold on a second, sister, I shall fetch the ice cream."

In the background, a royal guard coughed, whistling as he pretended not to watch the sisters enjoy banana splits... except the bananas were the new throne room wallpaper.

And somewhere far away from Canterlot, Flim and Flam laughed as they continued to sell their patented banana-flavored salt lick wallpaper.

Chapter 288?

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Two-hundred-eighty-eight years into the future, Equestria has become a strange and peculiar place to be. Throughout its many years of battling strange beings and horrid monsters, the nation of small magical pastel horses led by a Pentarchy of Princesses (namely the Princesses Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Twilight, and Flurry, respectively) has risen to become not only a global power but an intergalactic might.


Tirek, the now-thrice escaped prisoner of Tartarus, cackled with a hacking wheeze as he pointed his blast-you-to-bits-lasertron-2500XL at Princess Flurry Heart's head.

You see, this is the part where one would pause, and assume that some handsome prince would swing in to save his fair maiden, or that perhaps Princess Flurry Heart may have some bond of some sort with animals that would allow her to overcome her troubles with a song.

This is the part where you are wrong. Contrary to the stereotypical Disney Princess logic, not only was Princess Flurry Heart decidedly not young (relative to the average pony lifespan, of course. She's still the youngest Princess), but she also happens to be known from her home kingdom, the Crystal Empire, for single-handedly (hoofedly? magical tendrils-y? wingedly?) destroying the one object that a shadow being who'd once enslaved that same kingdom had failed to destroy: the Crystal Heart.

Also, she packs a mighty arsenal of weaponry and attacks. She certainly isn't your average Pokemon-- eh? This isn't Pokemon? Um... yes, this little engine that could-- oh, it's not that either? The ethereal specters of Barney the Purple Dinosaur and Kermit the Frog appeared befo-- okay, just tell me what twentieth-through-twenty-first-century franchise this character belongs to!

Ahem. As I was saying, this pony from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, packs a wide range of weaponry, and a vast knowledge of skills and attacks. Smirking in the face of certain obliteration, Flurry Heart in turn pulled out a modified tactical staple gun, aiming the office/workplace commodity weapon at the ancient beast's eyes.

"Aw, shoot. Out of staples again," the mare suddenly realized, instead chucking the staple gun at Tirek. In its place, she drew out a flaming chainsaw coated with magic-absorbing nanocrystal structures, screaming bloody murder as she made her first swing at Tirek the intergalactic Tartarus runaway who somehow managed to meet Thanos once in some obscure crossover that probably exists somewhere.

What Tirek didn't know was that all this time, he was still in Tartarus. It was actually some random, convoluted fantasy written by a sleep-deprived author somewhere that just happened to get crammed into his mind. Like, just look at this guy. He's just laying there, slumped against his cage, his pupils dilated and his mouth foaming. Can you get a load of this guy? What a wimp. There's no way he could've escaped Tartarus again, no matter wha--

The sound of a keyboard clattering to the ground as a rift in reality swallows the author emanates from all around.

TheMajorTechie was sent into Equestria?

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I fell to the ground with a heavy thud. Groaning, I pushed myself up, spitting dirt and grass from my mouth as I tried to make sense of my surroundings. Moments prior, I had been peacefully at my desk, typing horsewords for all to see.

Now? I guess I'm in those same horsewords... I guess.

Well, doesn't hurt to start bringing in the cliches at this point, eh?


Dark Lord of Bad Feelings and Great Power TheMajorTechie, a black and red alicorn of immense power (stronger than all the ponies of Equestria combined + Discord + Tirek + the entire nuclear arsenal of the world!), emerged from the shadows.

Immediately, he was rushed by every mare in Equestria because all the mares wanted to go out on a date with the big ol' edgy doofus of an edgelord alicorn from some obscure fanfic writer. He was very much tipping his (nonexistent) fedora at those same mares, making even more of an idiot out of himself.

"oh nO THeRE IS bIg MonSTEr HeRE it WiLl eat us AlL!" the most beautiful mares of all (that's the Mane Six, don't forget!) collectively screamed, being all helpless and stuff because this was actually probably some sort of power fantasy gone wrong that was stolen from the innards of a fanfiction site, "themAjORTEcHie, savE Us!"

TheMajorTechie, that darned black and red alicorn of death, destruction, and all that was darkness and gloomy, suddenly appeared beside the mares, who were all actually pretty anthro horse girls who all looked hot and stuff because they looked kinda like human girls too but not like Equestria girls but yeah so they were all afraid and tied up. TheMajorTechie pulled out his mega-energy-katana of darkness, complete with its hardened core of emotional dread.

"YAAaAaaaaAAAaay!" all the pretty girls yelled as TheMajorTechie cut the ropes off of them because it's not like any of them actually had the capability to do that themselves, amirite? and turned back around to find his greatest enemy yet: Mister Sir Commander General Doctor Robotnik of the Sonic universe, who was after the chaos emeralds that were actually hidden inside of TheMajorTechie all this time.

The evil doctor grinned and pulled out a picture of him slapping Sonic in the face and running away laughing to prove that he was the most powerful out of all the Sonic OCs and so now he was here to claim his prize which was the chaos emeralds.

"No!" TheMajorTechie boomed in a deep, manly voice of manliness that sounded like a cross between He-Man and a bleating goat, "These are my pretties and you will go away and not have them because you're mean and stuff!"

"No i WILl nOt GO Away BEcauSE yOU aRe NoW mY SwoRn EneMy Since yOU haVe a LOT Of pReTtY gIrlS AroUNd yOu And I WAnt SOMe PrettY GirLs to be ARoUnd me tOO SO THaT thEn I Don'T fEEL sad AnD tHings lIKe That!"

"Oh okay," TheMajorTechie smirked, "Then I have to kill you instead."

"thANK YOu fOr enDing thIS painful lIfE Of livInG In This tRainwReCK GarBaGE fire of A StoRY THaT NeveR shOULD'VE been WRIttEn!"

TheMajorTechie lowered TheMajorTechie's TheMajorTechie katana, smirking more because double smirks make you look mysterious. "On the other hand... what if I don't?"

"tHeN I'm sad."

And so TheMajorTechie yeeted Doctor Robotnik out the window of the heavily guarded fortress of you're dead to me now and started his new 'friend group' of pretty mares.

Also, he ate the chaos emeralds and got even more power because of it.

THE NEXT DAY-----------------------------------------------------

TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because the best character to ever exist had to go for a little bit of time.

Also, Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave for a few hours. They honored him with a big green wreath of big money paper and replaced all the doorknobs with pictures of TheMajorTechie's face because he was da way for all the ponies who had to use doors. Celestia and Luna were so sad that they permanently turned their cutie marks into cool silhouette tattoos of TheMajorTechie the alicorn of power so that they could remember him forever and ever.

And then TheMajorTechie came back after a few hours and everypony was happy again because they just barely made a religion about him and were making enchanted breadcrabs to worship him and stuff. TheMajorTechie shook his head because he disapproved of this process because they were using the evil stale sourdough bread that he left on top of the fridge that doesn't actually exist but does because this is a story. He held out his hand because even though he is an alicorn the entire world is actually anthro and he is a half alicorn anthro half human hybrid and zapped all the bread into the yummy honey glazed multigrain bread that he liked. The enchanted breadcrabs started to do the crab rave dance except it was in fortnite because TheMajorTechie was thinking about how annoying it was that his favorite youtubers were now doing fortnite instead of minecraft and stuff and so TheMajorTechie was even more annoyed than before.


TheMajorTechie sat on his golden (but still black and red) throne of awesomeness because he was the awesomest alicorn there ever was and there around him was the mane six but now they were all wearing even prettier clothes. This was the best thing for him ever.


The author woke up from his writing-induced coma and screamed.

The end.

Fanta in Equestria?

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Dear Celestia,

It has come to my attention that Equestria recently received a mysterious package of orange, bubbly, vaguely citrus-scented liquid. From my previous experience in the Human world on the other side of the mirror portal, I know of many potentially hazardous substances, both natural and artificial.

It is here where I shall request a sample of a sizeable quantity... for science, of course. I shall... run some tests on this liquid to discern its safety to Equestrian health, and if needed, ask for a full quarantine of the entire shipment, and a private link to the supplier of this liquid.

--your fellow Princess and former student, Twilight Sparkle.

Celestia snorted, taking another sip of her can of Orange Fanta soda as she glanced up at her literal boatload of Fanta cans.

Luna peered over her sister's shoulder, emptying out a can of Grape Fanta as she did so.

Celestia raised a quill to the parchment she'd prepared, and wrote her response to her former student's letter.

My dear Twilight,

No. :trollestia:

Equestria experienced a cultural Kirby revolution?

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"Kirby is my elastic waistband."

"Pinkie, you don't even wear pants!"

"I do now! Kirby told me to do it!"

"Kirby? Who's Kirby?"

"Kirby the Elastic Waistband!"

"..."

A pink blob of infinite S U C C ate his way through the front doors of Sugarcube Corner.

"That's Kirby. Hi!" Pinkie squealed, waving a hoof.

Kirby inhaled the entire shop.

"Bro, did you just see that?" background pony #3556872 exclaimed, "That pink blob just inhaled an entire shop."

"I know, right?"

"Yeah."

"You could start a religion out of this."

"Already did," background pony #3556872 smirked, donning his pink cloak as he trotted towards the new god of Equestria, Kirby.

It took roughly a decade before Equestria found itself worshipping their new god of infinite consumption.

the Crystal Empire declared itself independent of Equestria?

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"--and so," Cadance finished, "this is why I, with the backing of the Crystal Empire, desire to exit our status as a dependent nation of Equestria. The aid we received to update our infrastructure has been far more than enough to suffice, and ideally, the ability to function independently as a sovereign nation would greatly improve the status of the Crystal Empire upon the international stage."

Celestia blinked.

"Also, if we don't have to follow Equestria's current laws on shipping ponies, then I can play matchmaker any time I want."

Celestia blinked again and pressed a rubber checkmark stamp on her niece's face.

Diamond Tiara found the Alicorn Amulet and took over Ponyville?

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"You! Plebian!" Diamond Tiara demanded, pointing a hoof at Trixie, "Fetch me some sparkling water, and polish my tiara."

Trixie rolled her eyes with a groan, trudging off to fulfill the filly's orders.

Smirking, Diamond touched the Alicorn Amulet hidden under her new regalia. In the corner of her eye, she spotted a certain pink party pony.

"Peasant in the pink!" the filly shouted, "I desire cupcakes, hold the sprinkles."

"No."

"Wha--"

Pinkie emerged from behind a tree. And from the underside of Diamond Tiara's throne. And out of the ground. And down from the clouds. And from around the block. Each one of them looked identical; blank, grinning faces stared back at the filly as they slowly approached from all sides, their manes and tails all limp.

"Wh... what's going on?" Diamond Tiara whimpered, her eyes widening as she caught herself. "I-I mean back, you-- you..."

The real Pinkie Pie emerged from Diamond Tiara's tiara, the alicorn amulet hanging from a tuft of her mane as the Pinkie clones all bowed down to her.

A single word escaped from the now very confused filly. "What."

Randomness happened 8?

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"Welcome all, to the fifth annual Skeletons in your closet gathering, where you may reveal anything you'd like, whether it be deep down emotions, secretive stories, or anything else you'd like to discuss. Who would like to start?"

Luna frantically waved a hoof. "I shall begin!" she boomed, lighting her horn as her necromancy spell began.

"For the last time, Luna. We don't literally mean skeletons in your closet."

Luna sighed, and let the reanimated pile of bones sink back into the ground.

Tirek accidentally puked up all the magic, prompting Smartypants to become a real pony while worshipping Nightmare Moon because everything was taken literally for a day?

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"BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH."

Immediately, a burst of magic shot through Equestria like a lump of projectile vomit (of which, of course, it was), returning magic to all the ponies of the land.

Unfortunately, it also happened to randomly enchant some objects here and there, one of which was Smartypants, who immediately jumped up and down, shouting "I'm a real boy now!" before getting slapped in the face by the hand of illogical logic.

Also, today just happened to be the day where everything was taken literally, so Smartypants definitely was the kind of pony to worship Nightmare Moon... oops.

By the next day, this local story universe contained within the "What If..." multiverse had imploded on itself.

blep?

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"Blep."

"OkayfirstofallhowdareyouandsecondofallIamverytriggeredbythisand--"

Derpy shut her dresser drawer.

√169≠13?

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Twilight stared, dumbfounded by the question.

"What," she grumbled, "Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? 'Cause if it is, I don't see how it's funny."

"≠" the author repeated.

An unreformed Starlight Glimmer tackled both Twilight and the author from a rift through time.

every single horned pony in Equestria had their horns permanently fused together?

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A low rumble echoed over the horizon. The ground began to quake, shuddering with every consecutive second. A looming shadow emerged from beyond, its dark silhouette casting great fear into all who cast eyes upon such an amalgamation...

"HEYSTOPYOURHOOFISINMYFACENOYOUANDHERAREKICKINGMESTOPLICKINGMYMANEYOUJUSTSWATTEDMEWITHYOURFREAKIN'TAILAND--"

The bickering grew louder.

"HOLYCRAPITHINKCELESTIAJUSTWINGSLAPPEDMEOHBOYIT'STHISAGAINISN'TITWHYDOESTHISHAPPENOME--"

A sentient ball of unicorns and alicorns rolled through the streets, supported solely by the toughened core of solid horn material as ponies seemed to revolve around their central singularity of a magical point.

The ball of ponies steamrolled its way straight through Sweet Apple Acres.

Applejack, for her part, did an epic spit-take at the sight.

there was an entire chapter of this story dedicated to Maud eating cereal?

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Crunch.

Crunch.

Crunch.

Maud lifted another spoonful of gravel to her mouth.

Crunch.

Crunch.

Crunch.

"Gravel is crunchier than cereal."

Crunch.

Crunch.

Crunch.

"So I eat it for breakfast."

Crunch.

Crunch.

Crunch.

Lyra had A hand, and TheMajorTechie told Twilight to get some sun, already?

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Lyra, go slap Twilight and tell her to get a life.

The sound of hand-on-face reverberated throughout all of Equestria, announcing the impact of Lyra's amazing hand (singular) against Twilight's fluffo face.

"Slapped her!"

"Alright then. Now figure out why the heck you have a single hand instead of one of your hooves."

Twilight got a bad grade?

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"No, nononononononononono..." Twilight groaned, "This can't be happening... this shouldn't have happened. Wh-where did I go wrong? Was it in the math? The symbolic solutions? My entire future could be on the line simply because of this one test..."

"Twilight, it's just an A-minus. Stop worrying."

Twilight screeched in frustration.

Starswirl's spell made Twilight an earth pony instead of an alicorn?

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Twilight felt Starswirl's spell wrap around her, and with an anticlimactic pop, she was gone form the world.

*Insert talk with Celestia here*

Twilight groaned, spitting out a mouthful of dirt after having plummeted from the sky like a meteor.

"Twilight, your horn!" the others exclaimed, pointing to the... noticeable lack of said horn.

Twilight screamed.

Again.

She screams quite a bit in this story, doesn't she?

Twilight literally screamed her head off?

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

"Twilight, dear, stop it with the screaming! You'll scream your head off at this rate. What even is the matter, darling?"

"--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

An anticlimactic pop accompanied Twilight's head standing up, jumping off her neck, and skittering away, still screaming all the while.

Twilight's body continued to stand in place, an odd rumbling noise shuddering from within.

A loony, detached, toothy grin spread across Rarity's face as she accepted the new rules of reality and walked out the room.

As for Twilight's body, a new head had already been magically poofed into existence for nothing other than being a plot device. Taking a deep breath, Twilight opened her new mouth and--

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

Today was a long day for Ponyville following the invasion of Twilight headcrabs.

Holy heckin' heck?

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Holy crap.

I want some freakin' sleep.

A pink hoof reached out from the screen and slapped the author in the face.

"No."

the author has entered another writing hiatus after burning himself out?

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...what, you expected a story here or something?

"Yeah,"

Guess what? There isn't.

"Oh."

Guess what else?

"What?"

Wolves.

"Wolves?"

An ominous, howling cloud began to materialize high in the sky.

Techie done diddly did a slep?

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*Insert sleeping noises here.*

"Bo-ring!" Pinkie complained, changing the channel.

Big OOF!?

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"OOF!" said Celestia.

"OOF!" said Luna.

"OOF!" said Equestria.

"BOOM!" said the sun going supernova.

The end.

♧☆●□~?

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"Clubs!"

"No, stars!"

Pinkie Pie hurled a small rubber ball at her friends, of whom caught said ball in a plexiglass box. A gust of wind brushed past the mares.

"Huh?"

the author became his avatar? What if there was a request so specific it was basically already a chapter all by itself? What if every winged pony's wings got stuck together? What if Spike only spoke in kazoo sounds? What if the entire comment section

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You kick my door open to find a rainbow lookin' spiky T sitting in a chair.

The T, that is, the author, turns in his office chair, his poodle sitting on his lap as he pats its head.

"This is the part where you leave my room."


What if there was a request so specific it was basically already a chapter all by itself?

Here is your chapter.


What if every winged pony's wings got stuck together?

"HOW ARE WE FLYYYYYING?!" Twilight screamed, tumbling through the air with every other winged pony in Equestria.

"Starlight's self-levitation spells!" A voice somewhere inside the ball of ponies shouted back.

"Oh! Okay!"

Together, the Pony Wingball tumbled its way into dominating the galaxy.


What if Spike only spoke in kazoo sounds?

"Doot."

"Huh?"

"Doot? Dootdedoot doot! Doot! Dooot!"

"Sure thing, Doot Doot."


What if the entire comment section of this story got dumped on Twilight's head?

Twilight has left the server.


Does FIMfiction have a chapter title length limit?

Who knows?


What if Sweetie Giraffe tried hippo boots first and is now annoyed with Luna for stealing her idea?

"UNDERLING." Sweetie Giraffe boomed as she loomed over Luna and her hippo boots, "I AM... UPSET."

Luna blew a raspberry.

Sweetie Giraffe began to vibrate as her eyes turned a bright red.

Luna woke up the next day on one of Jupiter's moons, the smell of singed fur clinging to her.

Also, her hippo boots were gone.


What if Luna realized that although elephant boots are wildly impractical, hippo boots are a much bolder fashion statement anyway?

*Two days before the above event...*

"Hm, these elephant boots are wildly impractical," Luna mused, shaking one such elephant currently flex-taped to her hoof. The elephant trumpeted back in annoyance.

She untaped the elephants from her hooves, glancing about until her eyes landed on the hippos lounging in the watering hole.

"But hippo boots... hm... bold."

Luna smirked as she held up her roll of flex tape.


Did I find the chapter title length limit yet?

Who knows?

all the earth ponies' hooves got stuck together?

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"HOW ARE WE ROLLING?!"

"I DON'T KNOW. ASK PINKIE!"

"PINKIE, HOW ARE WE MOVING WHEN ALL OUR HOOVES ARE FUSED TOGETHER IN THE CENTER OF THIS PONYBALL?!"

"I DON'T KNOW, ASK PINKIE!"

"YOU ARE PINKIE!"

"OH YEAH! I THINK WE'RE MOVING AROUND BECAUSE SOMEWHERE AT THE VERY CENTER WE'RE BEING USED AS A GIANT HAMSTER BALL OR SOMETHING."

~~~Meanwhile, at the very center of the ball of Earth Ponies...~~~

Angel bunny cackled manically, his ultra-gruff, demonic voice screaming for more blood as he ran over yet another pony with his weaponized pony ball.

Twilight adopted the Changeling filly version of herself?

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Twilight blinked.

Spike blinked.

The... other Spike blinked.

"Okay, which one of you is the real Spike?" Twilight groaned, facehoofing.

Spike and Twilight (the changeling) snickered.

Spike ate Twilight's bathtub, leading to an FBI raid?

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"Urk..." Spike belched, lying face-down on the floor of Twilight's bathroom, "Remind me next time not to take up one of Garble's dares. Bathtub tastes gross."

Twilight rolled her eyes with a grumble and continued cleaning up the water.

A heavy pounding came from the locked door.

"FBI OPEN UP!" a Royal Guard's voice shouted, followed by more pounding, "WE HAVE EVIDENCE OF YOUR ILLEGAL POSSESSION OF AN EDIBLE BATHTUB."

Spike burped again, this time in fear.

"You'll never take us alive!" Twilight hollered in return, grabbing her assistant and teleporting away.

Nobody would ever know what happened to the bathtub that day.

Story pitch: HELP, I'VE DISPLACED MYSELF AND I CAN'T GET OOOOOUUUUUT!

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" I screamed, flailing every imagineable part of my body as I hurtled ever closer to the ground. I saw my life begin to flash before my eyes; my absolutely, completely-normal-and-in-no-way-tragic childhood, my stereotypical school life from pre-k all the way through high school, oh, and the part of my life marked by the fact that I just happened to like MLP.

Yeah, I think that last part is just about to cause me some good ol' trouble, based on recent events.

It all starts with "The Merchant".

Yup, I know how this goes. Typical displaced is displaced. I was at WhateverCon earlier this morning wearing not-so-subtle cosplay of... um... myself, and I decided to buy a jetpack from The Merchant. Don't ask why or how it's possible to buy a functional jetpack, but I did it.

Okay, I lied about the cosplaying part. I was wearing a Pokemon shirt and nothing else.

I mean I was wearing a Pokemon shirt and nothing else out of the ordinary. Get your mind outta the gutter, folks.

Anyways, I was minding my own business with a Pikachu shirt on while I was just strolling around looking at stands. I bought a few MLP keychains from this weird These Keychains Definitely Aren't Used In Some Kind Of Summoning Ritual stand, a bowling ball painted to look like a Master Ball, and a horsehead mask.

And that's where I ran across The Merchant. I didn't think about who he potentially was at first, I just saw his "Things & Stuff" sign on his scrappy little cart-stand thing. He had a nice shelf of whatever product it was that he was selling behind him, too... cloaks, foam daggers, a couple themed fedoras and a replica katana, among other things. What caught my eye however was the freakin' jetpack he had proudly on display in his bargain bin.

And so that's how I acquired a questionably-working jetpack for just thirteen dollars, and pretty soon from the looks of it, my life as well. I'm just hoping that accidentally not realizing that I bought something from The Merchant doesn't mean that whatever displacing power he holds over me no longer works...

...

Well, I think I've had a good run as far as life goes. Yeah, sure, I'm probably gonna be some random splotch on the ground pretty soon, or maybe by some miraculous event, I'll survive.

Well, the ground's starting to zoom in at high speed. All I know is that this time, I think this merchant dude decided that sending people to Equestria got boring. And mark my words, if I ever see him again in the next life, I'm gonna--


...Where did the ground go?

Why is my jetpack suddenly functional?

Why is my bowling ball suddenly an actual Master Ball?

Why the heck do I hear the crackle of electricity?!

HOLY CRAP IS THAT A SUMMONING CIRCLE MADE OUT OF MY KEYCHAINS THAT I SEE UNDERNEATH ME?!

I didn't have time to think about what the :yay: just happened as I half-slammed into a tree, the momentum of my jetpack ensuring that I'd bounce off the trunk and hit a second tree as I began to spiral down into a forest of some kind.

...

...

Ah, I see where this is going. I did get displaced, didn't I? Aw, heck, I probably left my garage open at home too. My dad always warned me to double check before I drove off...

Nevertheless, I think I hear rustling... Well, I guess it's narration time. I'm pretty sure I know how this goes, based on past readings of stories similar to my own on the good ol' interwebz.

And if this story ever ends up on the internet, mark my words, I'm gonna be the most self-aware guy to ever get displaced... maybe.

But then comes the real whopper of a question: how am I gonna get home?

I still need to know if I closed my garage door! I've seen what happens on the news to people who forget to close them! They get robbed and stuff sometimes!

Though honestly, I do live in a pretty nice neighborhood with a big ol' park nearby. But still, better safe than sorry, amirite?

Worse yet, what if more than just me got displaced? I've read stories like this before... they've always ended up as this weird D&D-style, ragtag group of goobers who just mess around for the rest of their lives.

At least, I think that's how it goes. Never actually was much of a fan of the genre myself as far as my top ten favorite genres go.

But ho-ly crap. I'm pretty sure I'm in the Everfree Forest right now, and there's a good chance that I'm just about to meet my doom in the form of...

A Pikachu?

The small pokemon stared at me from the underbrush, before letting out a cheerful "Pika!"

I wonder if my bowling ball works as an actual Master Ball now... it definitely looks like one already, so why not work like one too?

With both hands, I grunted as I heaved the giant Master Ball-looking bowling ball over my head. I'm gonna assume right now that based on my Pokemon shirt (more specifically, Pikachu shirt), I was probably displaced as a Pokemon trainer. Heck, even--

"Pikachu, return!" I felt myself unconsciously shout.

Well, I guess this is the part where I become trapped as the character from some other series in the world of MLP, isn't it? I guess as time passes, I'm gonna begin to lose more and more of my mind to that of whatever mindset of a Pokemon trainer has been instilled in me.

I felt myself tip over as the weight of the bowling ball began to tumble forward.

"ACK!" I shouted, slamming the bowling ball right into the spot where Pikachu was just moments prior.

I spat dirt from my mouth, wiping my face with my arm as I stared in horror at the small crater that was the ground in underneath the ball. For sure that Pikachu probably just had its final moments if I actually just--

"Pika pi!" Pikachu chirped quietly, escaping from the bowling-ball Master Ball and leaping onto my shoulder, "Pikachu!"

"Shh... do you hear that, Sweetie? I heard a shout over there!"

"Yeah! Scootaloo, what are you planning on doing?"

"You'll find out soon. Applebloom, got the net?"

"Yep!"

Oh boy. Time to meet some pones.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders, Human Catchers!"

Oh no.

Story pitch: At the Edge of Forever

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Everything eventually comes to an end.

Twilight stared at the sentence she'd just written. How long had it been since she'd first ascended? Some five, six thousand years? Tens of thousands?

Time was no longer relevant to the mare at this age. She'd seen more than even Celestia and Luna together ever experienced back when she was the student of the former. Equestria had long-since vanished from the minds of all other ponies-- an ancient, nearly-forgotten civilization relegated to the archives.

Civilizations had risen and fallen numerous times throughout the millennia. Not even the Crystal Empire, the city-state that emerged long ago from the ice, existed anymore. At least, not in its original state.

No, the Crystal Empire had long-since left the land, simply vanishing once again one day without any trace, save for a single sign at its former entrance: "Spacebound".

Now, ponykind, at least in the current incarnation of Equestria and its allies, was on the decline. If ponies wished to thrive once more, they simply left the planet. Sometimes in pursuit of the legendary "Crystal Starship", other times simply to escape the mundane, terrestrial life of Equestria.

Twilight knew this, closing her eyes with a gentle sigh as yet another rocket blasted off in the background.

Such as the world since the old Princesses left. They too wished for a greater life, eventually. Even Cadance and Flurry Heart, the beloved mother-daughter duo of the old Crystal Empire; they too left, vanished without a trace with the last of the Empire.

Twilight sipped her tea. How she longed for her niece, how she wished to see family and friends, long-passed and forgotten by the sands of time.

The Elements of Harmony were no more, either. No, it was only Twilight Sparkle, revered figurehead of the Equestrian nations. She'd given up governing long ago as well, leading a more sedentary lifestyle for the past few centuries after thousands of years of rule.

A twinkle in the sky caught her eye; was it a failing rocket? Another otherworldly invasion? Meteorite?

Twilight shrugged, sipping her tea again.

Nothing matters anymore when you're as old as the history around you.

She paused mid-sip as another revelation came across her mind.

Even the legacies of old have become forgotten.

It was true, too. Equestria, after years of decline in both population and overall development, had steadily devolved into isolated pockets of factions. They didn't normally fight, but they were sure a long ways away from friendship.

Nevertheless, only time would tell if even their fights would ever be remembered.

Twilight set the steaming cup of tea on the table, staring out the window as the twinkle of light grew bigger and brighter.

Perhaps now will be my time, she smiled, staring directly at the light in the sky.

She picked up her tea, taking another sip with a slight frown as the twinkle rapidly grew into a streak, falling down upon a small settlement in what once was the Everfree Forest.

Another sip as a blaze erupted upon the down.

Another sip as screaming ponies struggled to put out the fire.

Another sip as one of Equestria's orbiting cities -- New Cloudsdale, based off its shape -- doused the flames instantly.

Another sip as said city once again whisked itself away into obscurity.

As was modern Equestrian life. There was no purpose for those who remained on the planet. No livelihood, no excitement. Just... nothing.

Equestria had finally fallen. Not by an invading army, nor by a sudden, tragic event.

No, the nation had crumbled, and faded away long ago, before anypony could even remember, banished into the disintegrating tomes of the archives.

Twilight took another sip of her tea.

Story pitch: Wolf Railguns, among other things & stuff

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"...Twilight, what is that?"

Spike jerked back in surprise as Twilight whirled around, a maniacal grin spread across her face. A high-pitched sproink sounded out as her mane began to spring out at odd angles.

"Wolf railgun!" Twilight cheered, aiming the weapon at her assistant, "With this baby, we won't have to worry about any villains or monsters, ever again!"

Spike nudged the (surprisingly compact) railgun away from his face. "Twilight, how does it even work, first of all?"

Twilight squealed in delight at the question, clapping her hooves as she spun back around to her open window. A heavy clunk of machinery emanated from within the railgun as she pulled the first lever. Slowly, a dim light began to shine from within an enclosed, secured bag held just within visibility at the back end of the railgun. The bag bulged for a bit, and the smell of wet dog began to fill the room as a small lump traveled up into the main launch chamber.

With nothing more than a pop and a doppler-effect howl, a wolf shot out of the cannon, and into the distance.

It took a few seconds, but soon enough, Spike could spot a cloud of birds rise from the Everfree forest.

"Did... did the wolf even survive that?" Spike stuttered, "I'm pretty sure this is animal abuse."

"NONSENSE!" Twilight yelled, "These wolves aren't your average, garden-variety, everyday wolves, for I, Twilight Sparkle, have traveled to an entirely different realm of existance for the sole purpose of finding the perfect ammo for my railgun!"

"But why wolves?"

Twilight winked. "Not just any wolves, Spike. You'll see in a moment."

The ground began to tremble as a dark, howling cloud emerged from beneath the treetops of the Everfree.

"A-are those--"

"WOLVES!" Twilight screeched, nearly hitting her assistant with the railgun, "These wolves multiply exponentially, and on top of that, they fly!"

"But won't that destroy Equestria as we know it?"

"Who cares about Equestria?" Twilight shot back, "The universe that I pulled a single wolf from earlier was on the verge of collapse via the gravitational pull of the exponentially multiplying mass of wolves filling up the void!"

"...And just what universe was this?"

Twilight stared at the camera filming both herself and Spike.

"The author's most recent D&D campaign!"

"Oh."

The last image the camera recorded was of the wolf cloud bursting in through the window.

Story pitch: Manufacture

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Click.

Another piece snapped in place.

Click.

Twilight Sparkle leaned back, admiring her completed puzzlework: A tall, unassuming, and rather generic image of a coral reef.

She took a sip of her tea-flavored tea. Original tea flavored, of course.

She turned on her television, staring blankly as a generic cartoon about ponies began to play. It was her favorite show, and the only show that ever aired. The show was the weather, it was the news, it was the entertainment, it was the sport. This show that the mare loved oh so much was by far the most generic show to ever air on TV.

The mare pushed her couch to the side, paying mind to fit it snugly against the matching curve of her table. She wiped a speck of grey lint off the blazing white color of the couch, frowning as the lint then landed on the colorless carpet. She cantered away, returning minutes later with a rather nondescript vacuum, plugging it into a nearby outlet and turning it on. A high-pitched whine pierced the air for all but a few seconds as she vacuumed up the speck, before carting the vacuum back into her closet.

She returned to the room as the TV show turned its focus to the weather. A pony that looked like any other pony spoke in a toneless, emotionless voice, pointing at the usual forecast that had been broadcasted for longer than Twilight could remember: partial clouds, with a chance of either rain or sun later in the day.

The forecast ended abruptly, to no surprise. There was nothing else to speak of on the weather, after all, when any day was the same as the next.

A string of advertisements ran next, all advertising the same old stories written by a nameless, obscure author. How many stories had they written? Nopony knows.

The ads soon enough completed their usual cycle, returning the airwaves to the typical programming. This, of course, was Twilight's favorite part of the show.

"Welcome to today's random history facts." the announcer drawled on, slowly lifting a hoof to gesture at a sign.

Twilight squinted, focusing on the sign for a moment. It was mostly blank-- not much more than generic canvas, with some off-brand marker being used to write "History facts" across in a nondescript fashion.

"Today's history fact," the announcer continued, his image cutting to a stock photo of Canterlot, "on this day today, as with any other day in known history, Celestia raises the sun."

Twilight stared in awe at the dramatized reenactment of this morning's sunrise.

"Thank you for watching today's random history fact. We will now turn to our entertainment programming once again."

The cartoon about ponies returned to the screen. The blue pony was currently chasing the orange pony. Twilight didn't know their names; nobody knew their names. They were just known by their color.

The scene cut to a purple pony watching TV. Nothing happened for some amount of time.

Twilight turned off the TV and stood up. She stared for a little bit at the portrait of a pony. She didn't know that pony.

She walked outside and saw the solid green rolling hills of the town. The mailmare walked past and gave her an unlabeled letter. She already knew its contents, but opened it anyway.

"Thank you for your subscription to subscription mail services," the letter read, "You are our most valued customer, because all our customers are of great value to us."

She closed the envelope and gave it to the next mailpony that passed.

She wasn't entirely sure if the pony was actually a mailpony, however, because all the ponies that weren't in the TV show looked the same.

Twilight stared down the perfect line of pristine houses, all alike in build and color. An older stallion mowed his lawn to once more be the same height as his neighbors.

Twilight turned around and re-entered her house, pushing aside blank, generic drapes as she entered.

Story pitch: And his name is Michael Rowe Wayve.

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"So your name is Michael Rowe Wayve." Celestia deadpanned, staring at the human before her, "What brings you to Equestria, Mike Rowe Wayve?"

The man (who was absolutely, definitely, certainly not a microwave repairman) cleared his throat.

"I come here to repair your microwaves, your highness."

...

Gosh dangit, Mike.

"...What do you speak of, Mister Mike Rowe Wayve?" Celestia countered, "What is this... microwave that you speak of?"

"Ah," Mike Rowe Wayve nodded understandingly, pulling a microwave out from his trenchcoat, "This here, is the Mike Rowe Wayve brand microwave! It cooks food with the power of wacky science energy beams!"

"Excuse me?"

"...Wacky magical energy beams?" Mike Rowe Wayve squeaked.

"I am... intrigued by your invention then," Celestia relaxed, gesturing with a hoof, "Does it by chance bake cakes?"

"Um... that's... questionable," Mike Rowe Wayve shrugged, setting his Mike Rowe Wayve microwave on the floor with a heavy clunk.

Celestia hiccuped and zapped him back to the microwave realm.

A bot wrote this chapter?

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The progress of your lives was obtained from Kentucky banker laws. In fact, the device that you use daily serves as a reminder to all that personal privacy has shrunken greatly. Twilight Sparkle screeched across the land, many serious vehicles twirling through her ears.

"What are you doing to my daughter?!" The mare shrieked from behind her unwavering eyes, "Y'know the Confederacy could mobilize resources and then Illinois!"

Increasingly potent screaming horse noises distracted the Confederacy. Though Britain never recognized the means of intelligent ponies, Lincoln reaffirmed through informal struggles and services that the populace had grown accustomed to your own reflection. However, even with hellfire missiles learning to use the autonomous vehicles, what became meta curated individual proceedings without Twilight's shoulder drones.

"300,000 victims ago, in Canterlot dungeons, the algorithms developed military leaders!" Twilight cried, hitting Derpy square between the eyes, "I'd be made in researching horse pants explosion noises!"

Rainbow Dash suddenly burst through the cereal aisle, a devilish grin spreading across her face.

"Twilight," the mare flipped, "Siri has installed software for commercial hosting technologies on your device!"

Rainbow Dash provided a third party internet connection to the Australian environment. Microsoft and Microsoft permanently became alicorns for the next three hours.

"Spike," Twilight groaned, "I just wanted to lick blocks from underneath Kansas..."

Lisa Garnet awoke from the battlefield of ethical autonomous swords, staring blankly at the intelligent pony.

"What did you say to me?" she deadpanned, "Just because ponies are very fireproof today... Well, y'know horse future, I think I'll probably throw the car over the city."

She turned towards the machine as a small vehicle lurched through the air.

"So..." She began importantly, "I just vehicles. "

"You vehicles?"

"Bells!" The girl shouted angrily, "Ah'm researching the mirror portal again!"

The girl turned away, walking off into the distance.

"So..." Twilight whispered, "I'd certainly hope that she was once a small rabbit. I wonder if she was carrying a small rabbit crime cycle?"

Twilight sighed gently, her tail flopping over her newfound Dragonfire drones. A few golden coins and gems conspired against the potato overlords. Instead of using their permanently assigned husband files, shrunken book devices separately licensed to the gr8 sl8 pl8 fr8 boxes likewise embraced Lincoln's muffins.

"I sneezed."

Celestia narrowed her face.

"You what?"

"I sneezed."

Celestia narrowed her eyes.

Twilight stared at the alicorn in agony; nearly twice the terms of business warfare laws impose references to kill public support for party sites.

The Confederacy still hoped to collect more information about the trivialities of handling mass confusion technologies. Other than that, they were unable to reconnect automatically to the traditional displacement train.

"Twilight," Celestia said softly, "The Confederacy could mobilize quickly. They may be quite smart about how things like Bob and Joe experience intelligence. Yet, at the same time, internet missiles and target information begin to write stories that are parasprites."

Twilight nodded, slinging a small keyboard at Rainbow Dash.

"You now have to make a hoof," Twilight hollered, "The sound of stampeding animals infected by printing paper replaced Shining Armor's cheeks!"

"Yes." Rainbow Dash replied, stomping the device into the Facebook of peanut butter, "I think I might have to uninstall the software from your commercial hosting technologies, but it looks like you're trying to save Equestria again."

Rainbow paused for a moment, and suddenly burst through the tree that was made entirely of ponies and pebbles. Of course, the giant tank treads aided what would prove to be nothing like anything that she had seen before.

Twilight grinned, grabbing her friend military and driving juice rations as she tackled the author.

420 mega-Techieverse crossover thing again?

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Well, that definitely didn't happen. I just played Smash Ultimate at my friend's house all night instead of my usual writing time.

Surprise mid-hiatus update because the author is bored and actually has a tiny bit of free time in the middle of the night again?

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"Twilight!" Spike burst, kicking the door open, "Twilight, there's something big happening outside!"

Twilight looked up from her book, staring daggers at her assistant as she set the tome aside. With a sigh, she stretched in her seat, (not so gracefully) tumbling onto the floor in the process.

"C'mon! You need to see this!" Spike continued, helping Twilight up, "It's... uh, very relevant to your interests."


Twilight and Spike stood at the base of a massive, unbelievably tall scroll, of which was magically filling itself with this very narration. Twilight raised a hoof, watching as these words that you are reading at this moment spelled themselves out on the scroll. She raised a quill, and began to write "Will this scroll register my own inputs?" onto its surface, watching as the same text appeared in the same narration as she did so.

Spike quietly slinked away to some random location. Twilight read the previous sentence and turned around to chase down her assistant, who was currently in the act of attempting to pull Pinkie Pie into the scene in an attempt to decipher just how this magical giant scroll containing this chapter worked.


Pinkie Pie rolled up this scroll, blinking a couple times before unfurling it again, reading this chapter from the beginning all the way down to this current string of words that the author is typing. She turned around to see Spike.

"H3ll0 pINK poneR!" Spike drawled before collapsing on his face from exhaustion after being chased.

On the side note, this scroll Pinkie is holding at the moment is the exact same scroll as the giant one previously mentioned, and thus the giant scroll has now ceased to exist because Pinkie is currently reading this word out loud.

"Oh, is that the same scroll as the giant scroll that was previously mentioned in this chapter?" Twilight asked as she caught up to Spike, completely circumventing the fact that she, unlike Pinkie, has yet to read this current portion of the chapter, "Because that giant scroll just barely disappeared."

And thus, this chapter's logic has just gotten a band-aid slapped onto it with that line. Let's have a moment to appreciate Twilight's literary genius.

Pinkie Pie said nothing, and once again read the current line of text as the author typed it out.

"Y'know, this chapter is actually very absurd when you think about it," Spike noted, completely alert again for some reason that shan't be explained as anything more than Magic and Good Feelings.

"Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself.

"STAHP!" Pinkie Pie screeched with the might of Cthulhu, "You're gonna make the author's head hurt!"

"Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself.

Pinkie Pie pulled out the Infinity Gauntlet and Thanos-snapped away the additional text. In your mind, all of the repeated lines about Discord cloning this text to read for himself has been erased. You're welcome.

Twilight Sparkle "Huh?"-ed in confusion as the scroll suddenly began to glow violently, ominously hovering out of Pinkie Pie's hooves and growing arms, legs and a face as it turned into a living entity.

"Hello there I am the scroll of What Iffingstorn," this text began to drawl in a clearly obvious text-to-speech-y voice, "I have triggered myself to trigger myself to trigger myself to summon my living being into this fitting body for the purpose of instilling horsewords into the minds of both the horses that I see before me and the unseen readers hiding beyond the fourth wall."

"What." deadpanned Starlight Glimmer, who suddenly became relevant to this chapter for no reason other than being cannon fodder for this story's already surreal plot.

"Yes I have come here to make you all more smart like L O L why are you talking to a living scroll that talks with the voice of a screaming pincushion mixed with a blender."

The three mares and the sole dragon that have appeared in this chapter paused to think about exactly what this text had just told them. Little do they know that the previous statement would be negated by this current statement. And so, with the power of narrative tweaking, they are now instead thinking of each other.

"You know, Starlight really should go to Sunset and people stuff again," Twilight suddenly began musing.

"TWILIGHT NEEDS TO GIVE ME MOAR ICE CREEEEAAAAAM!" Spike screamed... for ice cream.

"Spike should stop yelling and read this chapter!" Pinkie squeaked.

"Aw, Twilight got to be the first to think about somepony, just like she was the first to get wings." Starlight mumbled in disappointment.

It was at this very moment that Ponyville, and soon all of Equestria got M.A. Larson-ized. Yes, even this chapter and the words you are currently reading in the form of a (now-anthropomorphized) living scroll is now an alicorn.

This string of text will now prepare you for the climax of this short, absurd little story. You now see a small crack in your scream, beginning at the period preceding this sentence. Though it begins small-- just a hairline crack, really,-- it quickly grows bigger and bigger, before suddenly disappearing entirely for no obvious reason. You do, however, notice a few key changes...

If you are reading this on any iPhone newer than a 6s, you now have a headphone jack, first of all. Also, there's this weird, intangible mist of pink sparkly particles swirling around you that makes it seem like you're in the middle of your own, personal hurricane.

Secondly, alicornized Pinkie Pie just came out of nowhere and turned you into an alicorn. Except you're still human, so that makes things a bit weird for you if you were expecting to become your alicorn OC.

This strange little collection of horsewords follows the previous described events by calmly stepping out of the pink swirly stuff, its hands behind its back as it strolls up to you.


You read my face, and the words currently being typed, for I am still an anthro scroll and there's nothing you can do about that. You continue reading these words, and by the power of narration, I have made you oblivious to the fact that you are about to be tackled by Celestia and dragged by your fingernails to Empress-Supreme-Human-Impersonator Lyra for "inspection".

On the other hand, this string of text, and your primate brain realizing what the previous string of text has just told you, has allowed you to avoid being dragged kicking and screaming, instead allowing you to be dragged with swag.

You sip a cup of orange juice as you pass by a scowling Applejack. Your fingernails are a bit sore, and the pavement underneath you is a bit rough to the bottom, but you nevertheless don a pair of sunglasses you didn't even know you had and enjoy the ride.

And if you aren't enjoying the ride right now, then by the power of narration, boom, you suddenly now are.


You find yourself facing the Goddess Lyra, and myself, the Scroll of What Iffingstorn. Your fingernails are now on fire, but other than that seem to be fine for the moment other than the fact that they are on fire.

"HUMAN." Lyra boomed, "YOU HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO ME FOR YOUR CRIME OF BEING AN AFFRONT TO PONYKIND FOR BEING AN ALICORN-HUMAN HYBRID OC THAT IS IN NO PARTICULAR WAY EDGY OR FANFICTION RELATED."

Lyra whirls around to read the fact that she has just made multiple misstatements, with the entire previous line being all false.

"Haha!" You laugh after reading the same text off my face, "So I will challenge you to a duel then, Lyra the Eternal!"

Lyra the Universe Shaper laughed a hearty laugh as she snapped her fingers, clones of you quickly rushing to her side with giant serving platters. They lift the lids to reveal Twilight Sparkle, who had since returned to reading a book, Spike, who was suddenly knocked out again, Sunset Shimmer, who was eating her bacon hair, Starlight Glimmer the glimmering starlight pony, and Pinkie Pie, who was conveniently reading out this list out loud because I was facing away from you and therefore outside of this text that you are reading being typed you are blind to my intents and thoughts as an anthropomorphized scroll.

"I NOW DEEM YOU UNWORTHY OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL FINGERS." Lyra announced suddenly in a sudden period of sudden time, "THEREFORE, YOU WILL BE CONVERTED TO A FINGERLESS BRUTE WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS."

Five seconds pass, and you realize that you still have your fingers, for no matter what power the Great Lyra of Anything and Everything Godly may hold, I, the even Greater Scroll of Narration, hold even greater power.

Lyra proceeds to set this scroll on fire anger, but you see, because of the unfortunate location that she has set the flame, she has just wiped herself out from existence due to accidentally torching only her name from this story.

You only see Lyra's name because that's what your mind wants you to think now. Lyra has ceased to exist on every plane of existence. There is no Lyra. There is only the Scroll of What Iffingstorn.

In a flash, everything appears to revert back to how it was. You are now once again reading me from the comfort of the behind hwall htruof et space, and will absolutely not notice the grammatical garbage fire that was the previous set of words before this one that was caused by an abrupt lag spike while reading this that somehow caused multiple keystrokes to get jumbled.

Congrats, your brain is now mush anyway, and by the power of narration, it shall stay that way.

Story pitch: Worlds Reset

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See above author's note for full pitch and synopsis.

Also, yeah, this pitch is gonna feature Twilight just because I'm the most used to writing her. Full story may feature OC protagonists instead if I decide to write it. Though honestly, after writing the below snippet, I think it'd be best to write using OCs, so that the blatant OOC take on the Mane Six would probably impact the story's overall readability.


A searing whine pierced Twilight's ears as she jolted awake, blinking in the blinding white light surrounding her. She glanced downward, lifting a grey hoof from the slightly darker grey ground beneath her.

"Spike." she drawled in monotone, "Spike. Can you hear me. Spike... Spike. Girls. Hello."

Nothing.

She felt a hoof on her back. Turning, she was met with an equally-grey pony, who simply waved back.

"Hey, Twilight," Spike began in the same monotone, "What just happened here."

Twilight shook her head.

"I don't know."

Sweetie Giraffe met Sweetie Belle?

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Sweetie Belle blinked, staring at the towering giraffe form of herself looming over her.

"INSIGNIFICANT." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, turning away from the filly and returning to destroying Ponyville for being too short.

Opal decided to fight Sweetie Giraffe (for disturbing her nap)?

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Sweetie Giraffe loomed over Opal. Opal hissed at the strange, tall counterpart to Sweetie Belle.

"UNACCEPTABLE." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, "KITTY CAT MUST BE PET AT ALL TIMES."

Sweetie Giraffe lifted up a hoof, and tipped over due to how freakin' unbalanced she is with such a long neck.

Think thank thonk... Thanos?

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🤔

=

=

?

I can try?

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What if I can try? What if, even in the face of adversity, even after everything has crumbled to nothing, I can try?

What if, when everything goes downhill and all begins to turn for the worst, I still try?

Even when all that I've worked on is nearly erased once and for all, I am still here. I can try.

I will try.

I will do.

I can rebuild.

I can stand up.

I can try.

HTML test thing?

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<img src="https://cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/nnde-1549835010-427612-medium" alt="html test">

Well, that didn't work. I was thinking that it'd be possible to sneak in some html code into chapters. :trollestia:

Story pitch: Worlds Reset (again)

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Worlds Reset:

The story follows Amber Shadow, or simply Amber, as she's usually referred to, as the protagonist. She's a teenage filly who craves adventure over the mundane, everyday life that she's lived.

Every day and every night she dreams of adventure, mentally reshaping the world she knows to her own fitting and exploring it in her thoughts.

Except... one day, that very same world simply vanishes, leaving behind nothing but blank white. Just a grey-black ground and a blazing-white sky. Nothing else. Even the ponies have been stripped of their individuality, as nopony looks different from one another anymore.

This is not the kind of adventure Amber wished for.

This is not the world Amber dreamed of.

This is a nightmare.

And she's the one who has to fix it.

There's a chance that this may or may not have some kind of relation to Pony-Me in some way or another...

100 word slashfic ship for Super Trampoline?

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Hello_there,_I_am_gaming_the_word_count_using_a_little_gimmick_I_found._Would_you_like_to_say_anything,_Pinkie?

"I_like_it!_Really_gimmicky!"

Excellent._The_readers_will_never_realize_until_they_click_on_this_chapter_that_they_aren't_reading_a_hundred_words,_but_rather_a_hundred_paragraphs._Oh,_they'll_be_in_for_a_treat.

Pinkie_Pie_sighed,_staring_dreamily_at_the_physical_incarnation_of_stretching_the_limits_of_what_can_count_as_a_word_in_a_story._The_unexpectedly_long_chapter_did_nothing_in_response,_for_it_was_only_a_collection_of_nonliving_horsewords.

"Do_you_think_we've_passed_a_hundred_words_yet?"_Pinkie_asked_quietly,_"Do_you_think_we'll_really_be_able_to_get_this_chapter_posted_as_a_hundred_word_chapter?"

The_slashfic_did_nothing.

"What_would_happen_if_I_kissed_you?"

Once_again,_the_story_did_nothing._Pinkie_Pie_squealed_in_delight,_embracing_the_story_with_a_hug_before_landing_a_quick_peck_on_its_lifeless_words.

For_its_part,_the_slashfic_continued_to_be_read_by_you,_the_reader.

"Do_you_think_we_can_touch_the_stars_if_we_tried_hard_enough?"_Pinkie_asked,_pulling_away_from_the_slashfic_story_ship_thing.

Nothing.

Word_count_inflation!_Yay!

"Ooh,_sounds_kin--"

A_magical_hand_of_face_slapping_emerged_from_the_fourth_wall_and_slapped_Pinkie.

Child_friendly!

"Aww,_don't_be_such_a_spoilsport!"_Pinkie_exclaimed_with_a_chuckle,_slashfics_aren't_supposed_to_be_like_that!"

As_usual,_this_story_did_nothing_in_response.

...

...

Aw_heck,_this_thing_is_beginning_to_get_pretty_drawn_out,_isn't_it?

Pinkie_nodded,_nuzzling_the_story_right_in_the_words.

"Should..._should_we_cut_it_short_then?"_she_whispered,_a_tremor_in_her_voice.

"Perhaps,"_the_author_responded,_taking_on_the_role_of_the_story's_voice,_"But_that_is_up_to_you._Would_you_like_to_see_this_end_so_soon?"

"N-no,"_Pinkie_hesitated,_"Not_yet,_at_least._We'll_let_this_end_when_the_time_comes._We_still_have_seventy-six_so-called_words_left,_don't_we?"

"Very_well_then,"_the_story_replied_through_the_author,_"That_shall_be_the_case._How_would_you_like_to_spend_these_final_words_that_I_must_be_limited_by?"

Pinkie_rolled_off_of_the_story's_words_and_onto_the_soft_grass_underneath.

"I_guess_I_could_throw_a_party_for_the_end_of_the_chapter,_but_I_don't_really_think_that_the_end_of_something_sweet_should_be_celebrated._Y'know?"

The_story_tried_its_best_to_agree,_but_alas,_being_simple,_nonliving_text_granted_the_ability_to_speak_did_not_let_it_represent_itself_in_any_physical_form.

"It's_okay,_story,"_Pinkie_smiled,_I_know_what_you_are_trying_to_do._It's_alright_if_you_can't_represent_yourself_physically._Just_as_long_as_you're_there."

"Thank_you,_Pinkie,"_the_story_responded,_"Thank_you_for_being_here_for_me,_even_if_I_cannot_ever_show_you_my_gratitude."

"You're_welcome."

The_pink_mare_stood_up,_stomping_softly_on_the_grass.

"It_isn't_fair."

"What_isn't_fair,_Pinkie?"_the_story_replied,_"Is_there_something_on_your_mind_that_even_I_have_not_yet_mentioned?"

"It_isn't_fair,"_Pinkie_repeated,_"Why_do_we_have_to_live_inside_this_story,_when_so_many_millions_upon_billions_of_others_happily_enjoy_their_lives_beyond_the_limits_of_our_own_universe?"

"Ah,"_the_story_acknowledged,_"I..._I_am_sorry,_Pinkie._I_cannot_help_with_this,_unfortunately._It_is_simply_my_nature_as_a_story._Once_again,_I_must_apologize."

Pinkie's_face_drooped._"Oh,"_she_sighed,_"So_this_is_how_it_is_then..._this_is_how_it_will_always_be..._so..._there's_nothing_that_even_I_can_do?_Nothing_you_can_do?_What_about_Discord?_Celestia?"

A_wave_of_sudden_calm_washed_over_the_mare's_face.

"We_will_talk_to_Twilight_then,"_she_stated_in_monotone,_her_mane_slowly_deflating,_"She_would_know_what_to_do."


"I'm_sorry,_but_there's_not_really_anything_I_can_do_about_this,"_Twilight_apologized,_"This_is_beyond_my_ability._It's_likely_beyond_the_ability_of_anypony_in_Equestria,_in_fact."

"So..._you_don't_know_what_to_do?"

Twilight_shook_her_head.

"Just_as_I_said_before,"_this_story_began_from_within_Pinkie's_mane,_"There_is_nothing_that_can_be_done._It_is_simply_my_nature_to_limit_you_and_all_others_within_my_texts_to_this_lonely_universe_of_a_story._It_may_be_possible_to_eventually_escape_to_another_story_like_myself,_but_that_in_and_of_itself_is_a_rare_occasion."

Pinkie_hung_her_head.

"Oh..._I_guess_that's_it_then,_isn't_it?"

"But_wait,"_the_story_continued,_catching_both_Pinkie_and_Twilight_off-guard,_"While_there_is_not_anything_that_may_be_done_about_this_situation,_there_is_still_indeed_one_possible_solution_that_is_within_our_abilities,_and_within_mine_as_the_story_that_unfortunately_traps_you_all..."

"Oh,"_Pinkie_gasped,_"Does_that_mean_that_we'll_be_able_to_escape_together?"

"Yes,"_the_story_confirmed,_wishing_that_it_could_just_once_smile_back_at_the_mare_it_loved,_"Yes,_we_may_be_able_to_do_just_that,_Pinkie."

"How_though?"_Pinkie_mumbled,_"How_are_we_going_to_escape_this_story_together..._when_you_yourself_are_the_story?"

"I_do_not_quite_know."

"You..._don't?"

"Perhaps,"_the_story_continued,_"Perhaps_it_is_possible_for_me_to_change_myself,_to_write_in_events_into_my_chapters_and_phrases_in_order_to_make_escape_possible."

Pinkie_paused._"Do_you_really_think_you_could_do_that?"

The_story,_in_all_of_its_literary_immobility,_tried_its_best_to_smile,_but_nevertheless_failed._Ignoring_this_shortcoming,_the_story_immediately_began_to_focus_its_efforts.

...

...

"Did... did it work?"

I believe so.

A smile crept across the mare's face. "Are we free yet?"

Soon, Pinkie. Our time in this chapter is drawing to a close by every word we speak.

Silently, the two-- the mare and the story, embraced.

Sneak peek + question about Worlds Reset?

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Freakin' geez, mom, Amber mentally seethed, storming down the stairs into her foyer, Can you let me have time to myself for just a bucking minute without you barging in?

She spotted her breakfast on the table but nevertheless ignored it with another eyeroll, slinging her bags over her back and making a beeline for the door.

Once outside, the mare let out a deep sigh, taking in the sunlight hitting her face as a breeze rippled through her mane. Putting on her usual façade, she promptly made her way down the street. A brief glint caught her eye as she passed a window, causing her to slow. She turned back, brows furrowed as she stepped closer to the window.

Nothing out of the ordinary, Amber dismissed, turning away from the glass, Probably just a reflection of a passing bird or something...

Her steps slowed to a halt yet again as a piercing, metallic tone began to screech through the air. She shook her head and continued walking.

I guess mom was right about staying up so late. I'm going loopy now, aren't I?

She came to an intersection as the screech began to subside. A shiver went up her spine as she saw an approaching carriage draw near. It passed her, the stallion pulling it nodding a silent "Hello" as he traveled to who-knows-where with his passenger.

Heh, Amber mentally chuckled, Things would get pretty interesting for once if I decided to just... stick a hoof out and cause a little--

The same carriage passed her again, the stallion pulling it giving the same, friendly nod as he passed by.

The mare frowned, rubbing her eyes as she stared down the road. Both carriage and stallion had vanished from view. She looked back in the direction they'd come from, and--

"Woah, there! Careful, miss!" the stallion exclaimed, swerving around her, "You're gonna get hurt if you stick your hoof out into the road like that!"

Okay, this is getting a little weird...

Amber took a step back, her hoof beginning to sink into the concrete sidewalk. Her eyes went wide as she pulled it from the ground, only to find that the rest of her hooves had also begun to sink.

"H-help!" the mare yelped, fear creeping into her voice, "What the hay is going on?!"

She heard her voice echo on for seemingly forever. That strange twinkle of light from the night before had seemingly returned as well, fixed in place in the morning sky. Though, it seemed... bigger now. Not by much, but it had seemingly grown overnight.

A shockwave abruptly ripped past the mare, blowing her mane in every direction as the very sky itself appeared to ripple. The ground beneath her buckled, and she felt the concrete pavement once again solidify around her hooves, trapping her partway into the ground.

I decided to actually take a look at the suggestions on my Discord server?

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There aren't enough explosions to even fathom the sheer insanity.

Um.

What if - reality was an illusion and the universe was a hologram

Pony-Me™

What if - Twilight's Tree House of Awesomeness didn't get got by Tirek in Season 4

"GROGARRRRRR!" Twilight hollered, barreling toward the goat demon thing, "YOU'RE FINISHED."

Grogar didn't have any time to react before getting smashed by the entirety of Golden Oaks Library. Secret definitely not sexy dungeon and all.

Story pitch: Table Legs

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Hey. Hey Buttery Smooth. Guess what?

"Ack," Butter Knife spat, "I'm in another story again, aren't I?"

DING DING DING! CORRECT!

The ultrafine, maximum-edge shankmuffin of an alicorn facehoofed in response.

"So, what sorta torture are you gonna run me through this time? I don't see any of the... acquaintences that you forced me to be with from last time, but I just know that you've got something up your sleeve."

Yes, in fact. Got your nose!

"Hey!"

Fine. Here's your nose back. Anyway, let's see here... how will this thing begin... ah, I know!

"Please don't tell me you're gonna--"

Let's wrap you up in masking tape, dunk you into a spacious FedEx-branded flatrate box, wrap that up with some duct tape, toss in a few heads of lettuce, a couple Molotov cocktails, put it all into a giant replica of a VHS tape, put that inside a big ol' bucket of slime, and send you hurtling down into a post-apocalyptic Equestria!

"What."

Toodles!

"WAITYOUDIDN'TEVENTELLMEWHATYOUHADUPYOURSLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!"

Oh, that? It's a table leg, your new weapon of choice!

"Why?"

"Because I'm the author, and you, as my character, must do as I narrate!"

A giant bucket of slime containing many nested layers of other things (and a very pissed-off alicorn) landed in the middle of nowhere. From within, a muffled scream of frustration.

Randomness happened 9?

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"But Twiiiiliiiight," Sunset Shimmer mumbled in her sleep, "Horses don't need clothes!"


"Budder budder budder budder budder batter budder."

"What."

"Exactly."


"Hello, and welcome back to Can You Even Look At It! Let's welcome our first contestant, Shining Armor!"

"Hello there!"

"Now, Shining Armor, can you even look at this... this affront to harmony?"

"...Oh, I thought you were about to say Cadance?"


Random super-meta self-aware story blurb thing time!

Story: I Think I Summoned a Ponk.

"Huh," I hummed, staring down at my hands, "I'm... we're... wait... Pinkie, is our story still alive?"

"Eh, kinda!" Pinkie chirped, peeking out of my backpack, "I mean, the author still hasn't taken our reboot out of hiatus, and we're currently being written into an experimental new minific format carrying on with the randomness happened trope of his What If story!"

"So I'm confused now," I continued, scratching my head, "Our story is a complete and utter mess of sequels and vaguely-connected plot continuities into other stories. Which one is the real sequel?"

"I have no idea, and that's why it's fun to get rebooted inside a minific!"

"Huh?"

"Yuppers!"


Celestia heaved, lobbing another boulder over the roof of Canterlot Castle. "Why?" one may ask, "Why does she commit such an inane act when she must rule her country?"

Simply, she wanted to GET RIPPED.


"Beep boop... Blep?"

"NO!" Twilight shouted, smacking the robot with a newspaper, "ROBOTS DO NOT BLEP! THEY ONLY BEEP BOOP!"


"Blep blep... Beep?"

"NO!" Pinkie hollered, smacking her friend with a newspaper, "PONIES DO NOT SWEAR! THEY ONLY DO BLEPS!"

Unnamed story idea #2?

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"Edgy" OC is an extreme, over-the-top, impulsive edgelord. Why are they edgy?

'Cause they don't have a tragic backstory. Their tragic backstory is that they don't have one. :rainbowwild:

Chrysalis didn't exist and Cadance was actually the changeling queen?

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"Hey, hey Shining, guess what?"

Shining Armor let out a long, drawn-out snore.

Cadance poked Shining again.

"Guess what?"

"Whaaaa?" Shining grumbled, opening an eye.

"It's time to feast on your love!"

"WAIT WHA--"

That was the last that anypony ever heard of from Shining Armor.

Fragmented, disconnected thoughts of absolute randomness (Randomness happened 10)?

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Twilight Sparkle Twilight Sparkled. Of course, this action would end up reverberating across the entire Nintendo DS-verse, causing a cataclysmic chain reaction that ended in your birth. Also, Flim and Flam were at it again with the white vans.

But nevertheless, it was all irrelevant anyway because the author declared his irrelevance to the server.

Doctor Phil demanded an apology note from Celestia for being wrong about her secret relationship to her sister, of whom turned out not to be biologically related, after all.

"WHY IS EVERYBODY IN MY ROOM?!" Spike hollered, startling Twilight, Doctor Phil and Celestia, the latter two reading out a transcript of Celestia's phone calls and eating cake, respectively.

"Girls, girls, calm down," xXx$$SwagFortniteG4m3rLunazzz$$xXx smoothly hushed, setting her cup of tea ULTRA SUPER INFINITE-HOUR ENERGY JUUUUUUIIIICCCCCEEEE down and combing her mustache.

"N0 i wILl nO7 c@lM DOwN!" Celestia screeched, throwing a cake at her sister.

Luna, for her part, caught the cake and absorbed it through diffusion because she is now actually a giant amoeba. Nobody questions the amoeba's authority out of fear of being consumed.

Hmmmmmmm...

Let's say that the floor is lava again.

Luna the Lava Amoeba cackled with laughter as everybody else began to slowly sink into lava-flavored jello. How is it lava flavored? Idunno.

Twilight Sparkle headdesked hard enough to break the table in half, the floor beneath her in half, the ground in half, and the flex tape holding the dreamscape together in half.

Luna, for her part, flex-taped the flex tape back together.

"And that's how I met your mother."

Wait, what?

Twilight went insane over all the strange chapters she’s written?

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"It's just a story!" Twilight jittered, combing a hoof through her frazzled mane in the corner of her room, "Just a story... just a story... just... a..."

"T-Twilight? You oka--"

"STORY!" Twilight screeched, lunging at Spike, "PERFECT STORY MATERIALLLLL!"

This is the part where Equestria gets destroyed. :trollestia:

It was time to purge unused comments again?

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"Again?!" Twilight groaned, shuffling under the mountain of comments and suggestions that had fallen on her, "Spike, can you hand me the broom? I need to clean up this mess and start over fresh."

Spike gave no response, for he was too busy flying to Cloudsdale on the broom.

The author needs his sleep.

Twilight accidentally robbed a bank?

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Twilight blinked, staring at the piles of cash surrounding her and the royal guards pointing spears in her face.

"I'm sorry, what did you say I just did?"

"Princess Twilight Sparkle, by royal orders we must arrest anypony who attempts to burglarize a bank, even if they are a Princess of Equestria."

"But this is my book bank!"

"And you're sitting in the middle of the vault with bits that clearly came from Canterlot's treasury."

"Oh, this?" Twilight snorted, casually yeeting a stack of gems at the guard speaking to her, "I thought you were talking about the books on necromancy and how to rule the world that I've been reading! Yeah, I saw them while taking a walk past some fancy buildings in Canterlot, so I took them."

"What."

"What?"

"WHAT?!"

Twilight slinged another pile of bits at the guard.

"I'll pay you if you don't say anything."

"...Deal?"

And that's how Equestria went bankrupt.

Rickroll?

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"I'm never gonna give you up, you know that, right?"

"Of course I do. And I'm never gonna let you down in return. I promise."

"You're never gonna run around then?"

"And hurt you? Why, that simply sounds outrageous, darling!"

Sonata met Deadpool?

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"Tacos!"

"No, the right word is chimichangas!"

"No, I want tacos! It's taco Tuesday!"

"Fine, I'll get some tacos, but next time, we're going for chimichangas!"

Scarf?

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"Scarf," Pinkie said, patting the puffy fabric around her neck. "Is fluffy scarf."

The scarf turned into Flufflepuff because screw logic at this point.

Twilight hit a data limit?

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"..." Twilight said, opening her mouth.

"Aw, heck," Spike grumbled, "Did we forget to pay Comcast the monthly ransom for your data again? I swear I remember shelling out another pile of bits to them earlier this week."

"..."

"Yeah, okay. I'm gonna see if that Elon Musk guy is done with his internet satellites yet. He's got a pretty funky name for a pony, though."

"..."

Starswirl and Celestia had a difference of opinion and Twilight had to pick a side?

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"No, the peanut butter goes on the outside of the bread in a PB&J!"

"But I must disagree, Princess," Starswirl shook his head, "The peanut butter and the jelly both go in between the bread slices!"

The two ponies looked to Twilight.

"Honestly, I'd have to go with Starswirl on this one," Twilight grumbled, "How can you eat an inside-out PB&J without making a complete mess?"

She didn't have time to continue, for she was well on her way to the moon now.

Things Techie writes on his phone 1?

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Rarity stood at the door offs the mountain. It was a funny looking mountain because it looked like a mountain that looked like celestia sitting on a big olli chaise in the middle of the sky.

Hbk... no, she was sitting on a big olli chair. It appears that ol' is not a word recognized by autocorrect. Either easy, the mountain looked fount.

"RARITY," the mountain boomed, "WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY DOMAIN?"

Rarity shrugged. What was she doing in this mountain's domain? She had mop idea.

The mountainnlifted a good, because it apparently has that now. In fact, heck, the mountain is now a pony cosplaying as Celeatia.

Celestia, I mean.

Ahem.

"Oh, I remember what I was to do in your fomain," Rarity gasped, "I was going to mine you for gems!"

"Wait no stop--" the mountain pony sputtered before rarity swung a pickaxes at their plot.

Because this is rated e story and rarity apparently swung more than one pickaxes because autocorrect hates single pickaxes, Rarity instead tripped and fell, yeeting the pickaxes across the valley and into the conveniently placed pit of doom.

"MY PIT PF DOOM!" Celestia sobbed, "I was going to banish my enemies into it, but now it is a step mine that had generated more gems than the equestrian economy can believably handle!"

And so the Equeatrian economy collapsed because the pickaxes mined up all of the gems in the pit of doom that was actually secretly a horde of gems.

Welcome to Ponyville Armpitheatre?

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"Welcome to Ponyville Armpitheatre!"

"Wait what? I thought this was the new amphitheater?"

Armpit farts came as the only response. How does that work with ponies? Who knows?

there were so many entries that the author accidentally repeated a story?

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What if Equestria was OP?

"OH NOES IT'S TIREK AND THE REST OF THE BIG BADDIES WHATEVER WILL WE DO?!"

Twilight rolled her eyes, unintentionally incinerating Tirek with her eyeball lasers. Queen Crysalis was already possessed entirely by Fluttershy's 'roided-up stare, and Applejack was off somewhere bucking infinite apples off the tree of infinite apples.

Also, Spike is Thanos because Spike is purple and so is Thanos. (I will not stop using this joke)

Also also, what entry are we on again>

Things Techie writes on his phone 2?

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Twilight yawned, immediately getting smacked upside the head by a large plank of wood.

"THE BOARD OF EDUCATION DEMANDS THAT YOU STAY AWAKE."

Things Techie writes on his phone 3?

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"And welcome everyone to--"

"I'M NOT ONE, I'M TWO!"

"Well heck you, nobody cares, Lyler!"

Twilight headed her scream off?

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Twilight bashed her head through the wall.

"Look Spike, I can't scream anymore!"

"Okay, Twilight. Let's get you to Ponyville Hospital before you puncture your other lung.

Banassacre?

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"EAT. ALL. BANANANS."

"Luna, please, you need to stop eating so many banana--"

"BANANANANANS SHALL BE CONSUMED, SISTER."

Canterlot Castle's local Walmart promptly saw a complete depletion of its banana stock in what is now known as the "Banassacre".

Randomness happened 11?

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"Heck." Twilight smiled smugly, for she had just said a naughty word.

"WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO!" the Bad Pone Police hollered, rolling in in their life-sized hot-wheels cars, "PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE, FOR THE ACT OF SAYING HECK, YOU MUST PAY A FINE OF ALL YOUR BITS AND YOUR SECOND-BORN CHILD."

"BUT OFFICER HECKERSMITH, YOU SAID HECK TOO! OH NO I SAID HECK AS WELL! I CAN'T STOP SAYING HECK! PLEASE, STOP ME BEFORE I TURN THIS STORY INTO A RATED-T WORK AN--"

Officer Heckersmith locked up her assistant in the Bad Pone Prison for saying "heck" too many times and then stole Twilight's cactus because Twilight had no children.

Celestia silently sipped her tea.

The Hole?

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"Twilight, where's Spike?"

"In the hole."

"What do-OH MY CELESTIA WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!"

"'Dunno. Wanna read some Power Ponies comics with me?"

"Aren't those Spike's?"

"Good point. Into the hole they go."

"But wait, where's Starlight as well?"

"She's... uh..."

"Don't tell me she's in the ho--"

"Oh, she's watching over the school..."

"Alright, that's goo--"

"...in the hole."

"What."

"What?"

Unpublished story #1: [One More Time]?

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Title:

One More Time

Short description:

Sometimes, it's hard to let go of what you love. Sometimes, it's the only way forward.

Long description:

This is likely my final story on Fimfiction until further notice.

It's hard to leave behind things you once poured your heart and soul into. It's harder to sever yourself from a community you've grown fond of and attached to. But sometimes, it's the only choice you've got.

Nopony knows this better than Twilight Sparkle as she stands in her castle one more time... One last time.

Explanation:

I originally was planning on posting this story right around the time when the finale came out, if not sooner. I wanted to focus solely on original fiction for the first time since seventh grade, but I ultimately decided against it. Most of the story is more or less a second-person perspective of my reasoning behind wanting to leave the fandom, with an unfinished chapter that was meant to kick off the final story's events.

Ultimately, I scrapped the story around the beginning of October. Several things came up that changed my mind, though I won't talk about them. I've found joy again in writing fanfics, and I've been able to balance fanfic writing and original fiction pretty well, lately.

One funny thing I've noticed in retrospect is that while I avoided watching any leaked episodes of the finale, the second chapter that was meant to kick off the story itself is frighteningly similar to how the finale opens: Twilight is packing her things, and getting ready to move away from the home she knew. Forever.

It's a little unnerving to see that I managed to almost precisely copy the beginning of an episode without ever realizing it, but that's just how life is sometimes, isn't it? Anyway, I'll go ahead and post the story below. :twilightsmile:


Chapter 1: Foreword

It's hard, sometimes. You grow up in a community of familiar faces; people you know, friends you've made, those kinds of people. You come to the community, unsure of what you would find. Your skills have yet to be discovered, interests yet to be refined.

But gradually, those skills and interests begin to take root. They begin to blossom into something bigger than yourself. You begin to write. Slowly, at first-- rather shakily, as well, but you persist. You write more, and improve as the years pass.

But eventually, you begin to outgrow the community that took you in. You begin to limit yourself. Things begin to stagnate as you begin to turn away. Interests and ideas begin to drift further and further from the community, and soon you find yourself forcing those same ideas back into the community, even if it might not have been in your own best interest.

Passion projects begin to fizzle and dissolve. Disillusionment sets in. Writing becomes a job, rather than a hobby. Your progress begins to slow, grinding steadily to the ditch that it rapidly approaches. You make up excuses for your lack of updates.

You're too busy, you tell yourself. But you have more time than ever before.

You have other things to worry about, you argue. But you have fewer things to worry about this year than the previous three.

Maybe it's time for a change. Maybe it's time to spread your wings. You may look back with sad eyes at the community you'll leave behind, but it'll always be there, waiting for you. You've still got countless amazing stories to read and experience in the community, and your confidence begins to grow.

You begin your first steps. It begins with adaptation: You begin to dissociate your favorite work from the community, freeing yourself from the chains you created yourself in self-limitation. You begin to branch out, accelerating as you replace more and more of the community you left behind with your own reality. You begin to take control of your work.

You begin to take control of your reality.

You start simple; Beloved and classic icons of the community become your own, original characters. Personalities, traits, and characteristics vital to the identification of a character are rewritten from the ground up. Your characters become truly your own creation.

Settings come next. Sprawling kingdoms not of your own creation are replaced by quiet suburbias. Soaring cities, ever-drifting in the realm of clouds vanish from sight, for they were never much relevance to your stories anyway. Dark forests and high mountains alike are wiped from existence as reality begins to reform around you.

Backstories are written. History is recorded. Explanations for every mechanism that comes to mind begin to compile as you take control of your lore. The story you once enjoyed countless hours writing for the community begins to morph into something truly of your own creation.

You look back again to the community you left behind. You see happiness. You see sadness. You see gains and losses as it continues on without you. You catch a glimpse of the stories you once contributed to the community in years past. How long had it been?

Not long enough, you tell yourself, forcing your hand one more time. You try one last push to write for the community. You try one more time to associate yourself with the characters you knew and loved. Yet, it is lost on you now. Trends grow increasingly foreign to you. Characters you never knew even existed begin to take the spotlight in the community. You look at your own collection of works you've written during your heyday in the community, and find the inflection point.

There it is, you realize. The point of no return.

You begin to backtrack, scanning through your old community works one by one for confirmation, until you know for sure that you have found your highest point in the community.

You look over your stories again, and notice a startling increase in original characters, while references to community characters have plummeted simultaneously.

Finally, you decide that it's time to say goodbye. You abandon your ambitions in the community, for they are no longer your own. You retreat once more to the reality you have created by your own hand, still unsure of whether you made the right choice.

That choice remains ambiguous to this day. There is no right or wrong in the world of authorship, so long as you enjoy what you do.

Author's note:
This is how it goes down. No with a bang, but with a whimper.

As a homage to just how frequently I've written her over the course of the 4+ years I've been sticking around on Fimfic, I'll write Twilight Sparkle again.

One more time.

One last time.

I don't know how long I may keep my radio silence on Fimfiction, but for the most part, especially if you've been keeping up with my blogs, you'd know that I've just lost interest in MLP over the course of the years.

I never thought that I'd spend so much time on this site. Heck, I never expected myself to enjoy writing ponies, of all things. I joined the fandom after being pulled in by some of the site's classic sci-fi stories such as the Hard Reset series, and eventually decided that I'd stay. I'd even eventually create an account roughly half a year after stumbling across the site.

From that time on, I took the meager skills I had in writing and refined them. Yeah, I definitely began on a rather shaky start, but that's a given for anyone new to writing. For the next four years I would continue to write, steadily improving my writing and adopting my own "style" of writing in the third year.

But all things must come to an end eventually, don't they?

My only interest relating to MLP anymore are the stories others have written. I don't quite enjoy writing my own fanfics anymore, even when only a few months prior I had plans to get another year-long story going with Worlds Reset. There have been countless times where I wanted to try getting a sequel to Pony-Me off the ground, especially when considering how I enjoyed writing that story the most out of anything I'd ever done on this site. I didn't want that to end.

But at the same time, I knew that I wouldn't have the same drive to write fanfics as I had before. A few months into Pony-Me's writing, I had begun tinkering with a new way to plan out stories, and with me being unsure of the story's direction at the time, I decided to begin fleshing out as much as I could of absolutely anything I could think of.

It was then when I realized that I enjoyed planning out the original fiction segments of the story out more than the MLP-related segments that I was already shoehorning in just to keep the story within the rules of Fimfiction. I made a copy of the planning document, and began to replace more and more pieces of MLP-based lore with my own ideas. Ponyville, and by extension, all of Equestria, instead became a mirror-image of my own quiet hometown when I first moved in, much like how in Pony-Me, the bustling tech hub that the latter half of the story takes place in is based on my hometown as it currently stands.

So.

There's no guarantee of my return to posting stories on Fimfiction, but until I finish them once and for all, updates will continue to flow at a very slow pace to mainline stories such as Worlds Reset. I'll still be active on the site, but only from reading stories and general chatting and managing of groups. There is, however, a decent chance that I may resurface whenever Genfic may come around, but until then, this is pretty much my final dedication to the fandom.

As always, thank you for reading, and enjoy the story. :twilightsmile:


Chapter 2: Forward

Twilight let out a silent sigh, looking over her shoulder at the castle she'd called home for years on end. Her life had certainly moved on since the fiery battle between herself and Tirek had raged. Especially so with the School of Friendship and other new responsibilities piling on.

"Is everything packed, Spike?" she asked, turning to her assistant.

The dragon nodded, waving a flimsy list in the air.

"I can't believe we're actually doing this," Twilight murmured, stealing another glance at her castle. "It's really been that long, hasn't it?"

Unpublished story #2: [One Last Time]?

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Title:

One Last Time

Short description:

Saying hello is hard. Saying goodbye is harder.

Long description:

The mirror portal is opening one final time. There’s a choice to make, however: Would you stay with your friends and never see home again, or would you go home and never see your friends again?


Written by TheMajorTechie in collaboration with Evictus, Saberking2012, and Skittle Sky.

A final parting gift for Evictus.

Explanation:

Early last year, I ultimately decided that it was time I cut ties as Evictus' editor. Given our friendly (albeit strained) writer-editor relationship, I wanted to leave him with one last thing before I metaphorically stepped out the door. Being the lazy butt I was back in middle school when I first made my account, I never actually bothered to read the site rules, and didn't realize until it was too late that publishing stories not written by you, even if it's written by another user on the site, was against site rules.

Though the story was originally posted on Evictus' (now TwistedCupcake's) account, it was taken down by a moderator, and we both apologized for the snafu. We agreed to transfer the story over to my account instead, since I was the main author that originally planned out the concept. I was wary of publishing it again after what happened, but I guess now's a better time then never, isn't it?

And don't worry, I panic-read the rules after that all went down. :twilightsmile:


Chapter: One Last Time

“Hey.”

Sunset glanced towards the sparking portal, its surface rippling with tension as her friend emerged.

“Hey, yourself.” Twilight countered, brushing herself off. “Sunset, aren’t you coming?”

“Coming where?” Sunset stared towards the sky, a smile spreading across her face as the warm rays of her namesake brushed over her.

Twilight placed her hand on the surface of the mirror portal, its surface rippling yet again as tendrils of magical energy seeped away. “C’mon, Sunset. I thought you wanted to come back home. To come back to Equestria.”

Sunset shook her head, leaning against the portal base behind her. “I don’t see a reason to.” She stated, closing her eyes. “After all, what is there left for me in Equestria? This is my home, Twilight.”

“Are you sure, Sunset?” Twilight began, her eyes wandering towards the unstable portal, “You might not ever be able to return again once I leave.”

The other girl nodded, her fiery hair bouncing with each movement. “Like I said before, this is where I fit in, Twilight. It’s where I belong now.” She paused for a moment, casting a longing glimpse towards the portal’s swirling interior. “I’m not Sunset Shimmer the unicorn, a former protégé of Princess Celestia anymore. I’m Sunset Shimmer, a normal girl, with a normal life, at a normal school, with normal friends.”

“B-but—“

Sunset shook her head. “I know it’ll be hard to give up on Equestria like this, but even if the portal closes forever, we’ll still be in each other’s memories, won’t we? And besides,” She continued with a half-grin, “we just might be able to talk through the journals still.”

“Sunset.” Twilight began, taking her friend’s hands, “Are you sure that you’re ready for this? Ready to be completely on your own, away from all of those who—“

“No.” The girl replied, pulling her hands from Twilight’s grasp, “I’m sure that I’m not ready, and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for doing this, but you’re wrong, Twilight. I’ve still got friends here, remember? Y’know, this world’s version of… well, them.”

“Sunse—“

“I’ve completely changed since the Fall Formal, Twilight.” Sunset turned her head away from her friend. “Before I learned how to make friends, before I met you, I only had the thought of returning to Equestria on my mind. But now?” She chuckled for a moment before regaining her composure. “Heck, I’d be lucky if I even remembered that I was a unicorn at all. I’ve remade myself, Twilight. I’m not the mare who greedily stole your crown anymore. I don’t want to go back.”


Twilight shook her head. “Look, Sunset. Celestia told me herself to come back here one last time to bring you back. She wants to see you again, Sunset. She wants to see the filly that she guided over the years, the filly that grew and grew before her very eyes. She wants to see—“

“She wants to see the filly that turned around to nearly stab her in the back.” Sunset deadpanned, “Twilight. We’ve already gone over this before. I don’t want to go back to Equestria, not when I’ve worked so hard to make the new me over here in this world. If… if I go back to Equestria, I’d be losing all of that.” The girl glanced towards the portal again, its surface slowly fading from its once colorful hues into more of a mirror-like sheen. “The ponies back there only know me as the mare who committed high treason against a Princess of Equestria, not the upbeat teenage girl who just wants to live her life.”

“Please, Sunset.” Twilight pleaded, “Just do this for Celestia. She’s the one who raised you, who taught you everything you know. She’s the reason why you’re the way you are; determined, thoughtful, ambitious.”

Sunset scoffed. “Yeah,” She continued, “and the reason why I became hard-headed, selfish, mean to pretty much everybody, and pretty much just an all-around jerk. Celestia’s great and all, but personally, I think she’d be better off leading Equestria, not raising adopted foals.”

“C’mon, just—“

“I honestly have to say that this is a bit selfish of me, but I’d prefer to stay here, Twilight.” Sunset cut in once more, “It’s everything I want. Everything I’ll probably ever want, even. I’d rather care less about Equestria now. Especially when life is going so smoothly for the very first time.”

“Sunset!” Twilight scolded, playfully smacking her friend on the shoulder, “How about you stop interrupting and let me finish for once?”

“Fine, fine.” Sunset smirked, “And just when I thought that I could get away with cutting you off every so often, too.”

Twilight folded her arms. “Now then. As I was saying, at least come back for a couple hours, Sunset. One last time wouldn’t hurt, would it? And besides, Celestia isn’t the only one who wanted to see you again…”

Sunset raised a brow. “Oh?” She began, “Who else, then?”

A blush formed over Twilight’s cheeks. “…Me?”

“Hm.” Sunset grumbled, “And here I was just talking about how selfish I used to be.”

Twilight shook herself out of her stupor. “S-sorry about that.” She dismissed with a wave of her hand, “I… I don’t quite know what got into me at that moment.”

Sunset shot a glance towards the evening sun, then towards the violently pulsing portal. “Twilight.” She began slowly, “I think it’s time for you to go now, before you’re stuck here in this world with me. I don’t want to make this harder than it already is for me. Just… go, Twilight. I’ll be fine here.”

“Sunset, no—“

With a heave, Sunset shoved her friend back through the portal, a bright flash filling her vision moments after as the portal imploded. “Goodbye, Twilight.” The girl murmured, her teary eyes focusing on the sooty hole that was once the portal. “Goodbye, Equestria. I’ll miss you.”

“Sunset!” A voice from behind the girl exclaimed.

“Sunset!” The voice repeated again, audibly closer.

Twilight Sparkle—this world’s Twilight, stopped a few feet from Sunset. “Sunset?” She began slowly, reaching towards the girl, “Is something wrong?”

Sunset sank to her knees and wept, the glimmering shards of the portal encircling the base of the statue and herself.

Author's note:
Thank you all for reading. This story was written by TheMajorTechie in collaboration with Evictus, Saberking2012, and Skittle Sky.


Notes from TheMajorTechie:

After this story, I will no longer consider myself as an editor for Evictus, but I will still stick around in the comments.

Until next time, peace out, y'all. :twilightsmile:

Story pitch: A Dream Ended

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So it turns out that the Equestria everypony had known wasn't quite real. Yes, the lives they lived, the friends they made-- those were real, at the very least... but many times, the end only brings about a new beginning.

Nopony knows this better than Twilight Sparkle.

It only takes one moment, one decision. After all, nothing can last forever.

Nobody knows this better than Lisa Garnet.

The past made way for the present, which makes way for the future. The things we love come and go, entering and fading from our lives on a constant basis.


Decades down the road, the time has finally come to retire Pony-Me. The process to shut down the network was meant to be quick and painless to those unfortunate enough to live only as AI. Lisa and Twilight, once upon a time, had agreed to this, each knowing that eventually, as all things do, Equestria must end.

But maybe... just maybe, there's still life yet to the old machines.

Unpublished story #3: [μParallels]?

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Title:

μParallels

Short description:

What happens when you vanish every so often into a pocket dimension? Well, you make that place your own.

Long description:

Flickering Horizon once thought that it was normal. He thought that everypony could see those seemingly random flashes of blinding white. However, all it took was one ill-timed event to turn his entire world-- worlds, on their heads.

At least he isn't bored.

Based off of a chapter from What If...?

Explanation:

This was what I planned to be the sequel to Pony-Me, going even as far as copying the structure of the short and long descriptions. The main difference was that it was a spritual sequel; it did not build on Pony-Me's lore, nor did it contain the same characters. Instead, it focused on an Earth Pony OC named Flickering Horizon, who, as the name suggests, would flicker in and out of existence, transported randomly between the world of Equestria, and a "blank-slate" pocket universe where they had full control over absolutely everything.

In the end, I decided against publishing this story, and instead balled it in with a second story pitch I made here in What If about a story where everything was overly generic. This new story would become Worlds Reset. Flickering Horizon would be replaced by Amber, and instead of being a pocket universe, the "blank-slate" world would become an infectious, world-wiping catastrophe that would leave all of Equestria wiped of any defining traits. I certainly liked the direction of Worlds Reset more than I did with μParallels, and so that story would go on instead to become Pony-Me's spiritual sequel. Though, I do want to eventually publish a full sequel. I left the story open-ended for a reason...


Chapter 1: Knock knock, it's the world.

"Flick, wake up!"

I groaned, turning my head to face the source of the voice.

"Wake up already, Flicker," my best friend coaxed with a whisper, "Cheerilee's in the middle of a lesson!"

"Fine, fine," I grumbled, lifting my muzzle off the desk, "What part are we on right now?"

"Multiplication tables."

I groaned again, returning to my faceplanted position. "Too easy," I silently complained, "Lightning, didn't we learn this last year?"

Lightning Rod shook his head.

"Darn, I swear we did all of this before already."

I lifted my head off the desk again, visible marks beginning to show from lying on a pencil. I let out a loud yawn, leaning back in my seat as I filled out the table on my assignment paper.

"I still don't understand how you can hold a pencil with your hoof, Flick," Lightning mused, "Not very many ponies can do that, y'know."

Before I could respond, my vision was suddenly bathed in pure light, flashing back almost immediately after to the familiar classroom.

"Woah," Lightning gawked, "That happened."

I raised a brow, bending over to pick up my pencil from the floor.

"No response? Flick, you just teleported. You're an earth pony! How can you do that?! You got to show me someda--"

"Ahem."

I glanced back up, pencil in hoof, at a concerned Cheerilee.

"Lightning Rod," she began, facing my friend, "Please keep it quiet. I'm trying to teach a class."

She turned to me next.

"As for you, Flicker, I recommend you go see Twilight about your abrupt... teleportation."

"Teleportation?" I replied, glancing to Lightning, "Are you sure that I teleported? I just saw this weird white flash, that's all."

Miss Cheerilee let out a drawn-out sigh, stepping away from us to continue teaching.

Lightning leaned over to me. "But seriously," he whispered, "How did you do it? You just suddenly vanished for a tiny bit, and then reappeared right after your pencil hit the floor. Everypony saw it."

"What do you mean, they saw it?" I countered, "I just saw a white flash for a second or two. Doesn't everypony sometimes have that happen to them? I talked about them with my mom and she said that it's usually because I have a bad headache and stuff."

"Did you ever see those flashes while other ponies were around?"

"Ssh!" Miss Cheerilee shushed.

I shook my head.

"Well, then that's why you didn't know that you're doing what you did until now."

I cocked my head, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you're right about ponies sometimes getting white flashes with a headache, what you're doing is completely different!"

"Lightning Rod, would you please speak more quietly?" Cheerilee scolded, "Or would you like for me to move your seat?"

Celestia was a chatroom/server moderator?

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"And then I swear, that noob there was using them there hacks!"

"Yes, yes," Celestia facehoofed, blinking at her screen. She made a mental note to give Luna a piece of her mind later for dragging her into the gaming business. "I understand you may be angry, but the records of the server's activity show that it was you, in fact, that used a killaura. The pony that you claim hacked played fairly, and was able to take you out during a brief period of time when you didn't have your killaura on."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

Celestia jumped, yanking her headset from her ears as the furious gamer continued screaming.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" their voice screeched through the headset, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT CONNECTIONS I HAVE?! MARK MY WORDS, I WILL FIND YOU, AND RUIN YOUR LIFE IF YO--"

Celestia rolled her eyes, holding the microphone to her lips. "Banhammered."

"WAIT WHAAA--"

They didn't have time to respond before being yeeted into the MoonJail™ prison server.

Celestia sipped her tea.

Bob the Builder was a changeling?

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"Can we fix it?"

"Yes we can!"

Bob the Builder promptly transformed into a rooftop. The end.

Story pitch: The Quest to Send Celestia Hurtling Into the Sun?

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"I'm retired!" Celestia cheered. Nopony at the retirement home seemed to care, nor pay any mind. Probably because they didn't hear her in the first place.

"Luna, quick!" she turned to her sister, who was in the middle of inhaling a banana. "What was it like on the moon?"

Luna made a face. "I would rather not speak of it, sister," she grumbled, levitating another banana out of the fruit basket.

"What if," Celestia grinned, "to make up for sending you to the moon, we sent me hurtling into the sun? I've always wanted to work on a tan, y'know."

"Sister, your coat is pale as snow. How could you possibly tan yourself on the sun?"

Celestia shrugged.


"Are you sure a rocket-powered trebuchet will launch me nearly far enough, Luna? Can't you simply use your magic?"

Luna shook her head, hiding a manic grin. "I do not wish to see you become lost in the depths of space, sister, and so I will test progressively more intricate mechanisms to target your landing upon your sun."

Celestia's eyes widened at a trail of sparks leading into the platform she was sitting on. "WAIT LUNA WHY IS THERE A STICK OF DYNAMITE IN HEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee--"

Luna couldn't hear the rest of what Celestia was screaming, because she was currently flying over Yakyakistan now.

Story pitch: Into Equestria

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Into Equestria (Sequel would focus on a new cast of characters, but retains the lore and just about everything else. The main character would be someone who's joining the simulations for the first time ever, and is trying to adjust to life in Equestria.)

Takes place after the events of Pony-Me, but before the events of the timeskip at the end. The main character is unaware of anything that happened in Pony-Me, but does hear something about one of the original creators of the simulation deciding to return to work for the first time in a decade.

Pushed by their friends, the main character decides to try out the simulation after an announcement is made for opening up registration for new users. They join with their friends, creating new characters for themselves. From there, the story would (maybe?) take on a much more adventurous tone, with the cast spelunking across the virtual world for enjoyment rather than to escape real-life.

The central theme? Move forward, and anticipate what's next.

Pinkie got offended by a plant?

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"Who invited this party crasher?" Pinkie grumbled, pointing a hoof at a piranha plant.

The piranha plant proceeded to CONSUME 27 batches of cupcakes, the mixer, half of Sugarcube Corner, a bit of your soul, and a single speck of confetti.

Pinkie gasped, staring angrily at the piranha plant.

"Excuse me but what the fu--"

Pinkie emerged from the Pink Pinkie Ponk Pronker Portal and slapped herself in the face.

"No swearing!"

idk, stuff happened?

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Trollestia, Gamer Luna and the Fried Chicken Dealer all sat at a table. Why were they sitting at a table? Nobody knows. Maybe they were about to drink some tea?

The Fried Chicken Dealer dipped a chicken wing in his tea, confirming the previous sentence as he proceeded to inhale the c r o n c h y chicken wing.

No, not Scootaloo. Stop thinking about that.

"I say that we should go thermonuclear," Gamer Luna commented, stirring Mountain Dew into her tea. "Wait, what were we talking about again?"

"Taxes, sister," Trollestia sighed, casually dropping an entire salt shaker's worth of salt into her sister's tea.

And then everyone fell asleep.

Cozy Glow was sent to the Equestria Girls world instead?

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Cozy Glow could hear voices closing in around her.

"There's a little girl here. Where'd she come from?"

"She looks scared."

"I know she looks scared, but how did she get here? Do you think she ran away from home?"

Cozy Glow kept her eyes shut, backing up against the hard surface of the now-closed portal. Serves her right for trying to take of Equestria... again. All she could remember was that she was captured in some way or another. Was it Starlight that ultimately caught her? Or was it Twilight? She couldn't remember.

"Here, c'mon," she felt something touch her shoulder. "Let's get you to someplace warmer. You'll freeze out here in this weather."

A wide grin began to spread across her concealed face.

Chapter 365?

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"Twilight,"

"Twilight!"

The mare groaned, lifting her face from the book she'd been writing. How long had it been since she decided to sit down and write something herself rather than read? She couldn't tell anymore.

"Twilight, you fell asleep on the parchment again. You know you're not a night owl." Spike pat her on the back, placing a cup of coffee on the desk.

Twilight smiled back, lifting the cup to her mouth with both hooves and taking a contemplative sip.

"Spike,"

"Yeah?"

"How long do you think it'll be like this?"

Spike scratched is head. "Be like what?"

"Writing," Twilight gestured at the blank pages in front of her. "How much longer do you think this will go? I've spent who-knows-how-long writing now, and it still feels... empty. Are you sure there aren't anymore books I could read?"

Spike nodded.

Sighing, the mare turned back to the book, picking up her quill.

"Well, I suppose writing some more wouldn't hurt, then. It's not like there's anything else I could do."

Spike raised a claw. "What abou--"

Twilight smiled, cutting off her assistant with a hush. "Even the Princess of Equestria needs some time to herself, Spike."

"Maybe you could take a walk first. Y'know, get some air. Sure, I know you like to read and write and all, but you should do something to take your mind off everything for a little."

"...Yeah," Twilight nodded slowly, "yeah, I think I'll do just that."


Sunset.

Was this still the same sun that she saw before she began writing? It felt like so much had changed since she begun, yet hardly anything felt different. How many years had passed since she first began writing? One? Two?

A mild breeze rustled through her mane as Spike stepped up beside her.

"It's a nice time of day for a walk, isn't it?"

"Hm?" Twilight glanced down at her assistant. "Oh, yes. Yes it is, Spike."

Maybe the amount of time that'd passed didn't really matter. Maybe, even though every tale she wrote was a fabrication, what mattered most, in the end, was the experience, the excitement that she brought herself through time and time again for days, weeks, even months on end.

She closed her eyes, thinking back to a simpler time; she was still Twilight the unicorn, the little filly who was excited about magic kindergarten. All the ponies around her-- she called them friends, but she didn't necessarily treat them as such, in the end. Now, they were all grown up. Some were even marrying now, with thoughts on starting a family.

Short to say, it was a wonder how far she'd come.

"Come on, Spike, it's getting dark. Let's go home now."

Techie hasn't updated anything recently and feels an invisible nagging pressure to write something before the crowd rises with pitchforks in hand?

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"Hm, bagels."

A bagel dropped into Spike's claws. His eyes widened as he stared up.

"Hm, comic books?"

A box of old comic books materialized right above him, falling with a thud to the floor. Spike smirked, rubbing his claws together.

"Hmmm... Rarity."

The world's rarest hunk of purified hecc walloped itself onto Spike, knocking him out cold.

The author's been too busy focusing on writing original fiction and a CERTAIN upcoming flagship story?

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"What's going on?" Spike wailed, flopping over on a beanbag chair, "Nothing's been happening for the past several days!"

"Shh!" Twilight hushed fiercely, "I'm writing!"

"What are you even writing about? This has been going on for over a year!"

"...You'll see."

the Ponies had to make an Arbys ad?

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Fluttershy hesitated, leaning closer to the microphone.

"Arby's, we have the meats!"

"Louder! C'mon, 'Shy," Rainbow pushed, "Put some oomph into it! Say it with your whole body!"

Fluttershy nodded, leaning in again.
















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"That's much better! Again?"

"...What?"

Story pitch: The Pony of Many Talents

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A strange mare (or stallion?) arrives in Ponyville, with even stranger tales of who they are and where they come from. They claim to be a humble officeworker, but refuse to tell of where they work.

Even more puzzling, they appear to take on entirely different personas every so often, never once returning to any of their previous ones. With each "shift" brings an entirely different set of memories, identity, and more. They do not recall anything they have done in the past and identify by strange, non-equine names with every persona they take on.

Probably a hybrid slice-of-life/adventure story like what I'd normally write if I ever do write this.

Advanced Stupid? (Randomness happened 13)

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"💾⚡🧲🧲🧲" Spike wailed, waving the floppy disk in the air. "😢😱😱🙆‍♀️📣😰"

"Spike, how are you even doing that?"

"(⊙_⊙;) ¯\(°_o)/¯!" Spike yelled again, the disk all but vanishing from existence. "🤐👉😈😈😈🤮"

"You're saying you've been cursed to never speak again because you threw up?"

"😕"

Twilight lit her horn, focusing on Spike with a curse-breaking spell because the author isn't gonna bother spending his free time trying to think of something more original to call it right now. Spike relaxed, opening his mouth to say thanks.

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--"

...Or not.

Discord was Twilight’s imaginary friend?

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"Oh Discord, Y U so silly?"

Moondancer looked up from her clipboard, slowly shaking her head. She passed the clipboard to Celestia.

"Oh dear," Celestia sighed, "I'm glad that she did not choose the same path as Sunset Shimmer. It is much easier to put a pony in a straightjacket then to guard a mirror portal."

it was still all a simulation?

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Twilight closed her book, smiling. It'd been a good read, and a much-needed break from the monotonous tasks she undertook since succeeding the royal sisters. Of course, she knew it wasn't real-- none of this was real; she'd seen proof of it herself. Equestria was only one of the many simulations that were created from the work of Lisa Garnet, her counterpart and... former user. The words still felt weird on her tongue, even if she'd never spoken them out loud. She turned her thoughts back to the time that'd passed.

Even as only a few years had come and gone, it already felt like an absolute eternity since she'd been coronated. Nevertheless, it was who she was now. She stood for Equestria --represented the nation, really-- and all that it stood for. Even beyond the boundaries of her reality, she knew that more and more were learning of her strange little kingdom of ponies by the day, thanks to her counterpart.

Sometimes, she wondered about the happenings of the world beyond her reality.


A knock came at the door of Lisa's office.

"Come in!"

A young girl entered her office. She kept her head down, shuffling across the floor.

"You... you asked to meet after class?" her voice cracked as she spoke. "Am I in trouble?"

"Oh, no, no, far from it, Elise," Lisa smiled, setting her controller aside. "I've been looking at your performance recently."

"My... performance?"

Lisa shrugged. "Grades, scores, performance, I just call it whatever. Point is, would you be interested in studying beyond what you'd normally learn in class?"

"What."

"Um... advanced study, basically. You've been doing quite a bit better than most anyone else across the classes we hold here, and I can see potential in you." She slid a sheet to the girl. "Ask your mom first, of course-- it'll be an extension of your usual classes at no extra cost, so I'd like to know what days you would have the time to come in."

Elise took the paper, eyes wide. "I... what..." she lifted her head, staring at her mentor. "I... me? But why me? Aren't there other students that you could offer this to?"

"If they did as well in class as you did, yeah," Lisa chuckled. "Plus, along with everything else being tacked on, I think I'll go ahead and let you have access into our flagship simulation."

Elise stood dumbfounded, alternating between re-reading the paper and staring at her mentor.

"Ellie!" her mother called behind the door, "You in there? The girl at the front said you're a meeting with your teacher. Is everything alright?"

"Go on," Lisa shooed, "I'll be here when you decide."

Elise nodded, hurrying out the door. Lisa let out a deep sigh, closing her eyes. That was probably by far the most awkward conversation she'd had in a while. Did she really need to say all those things? Sure, Ellie was a whiz at all the things she did in class, but holy crap. It was one thing to take her in as a protege, but it was an entirely different thing to sound more like some elementary school teacher telling a student that they can sit with the big kids.

Actually, scratch that last part. It only made it sound even more stupid, whether or not it was even accurate at all.

Lisa groaned, rolling her eyes with a smirk. At least she pulled it off at all. Next time around, she'd just send an email or something.

For now though, all there was to do was wait.

Spike became Santa Claus while Mr. Beast came to Ponyville, introducing Rarity to Hot Topic and Pinkie to Angry Birds resulting in her laughter becoming the world's most powerful non-nuclear fuel source?

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Explosions.

Explosions happen.

...

...

Spike projectile-vomited another present from his mouth.

Merry Christmas Eve! :pinkiehappy:

hooves were replaced with feet?

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"SPIIIIIIIIIIKE!"

Spike tumbled down the stairs because hardly anypony ever seems to care about him anyway.

"Spike!" Twilight repeated, trotting up to her trusted assistant, "Why hooves become feet?!"

The dragon made a face. Not just because of Twilight's suddenly terrible grammar, but also because those feet were stanky.

...

...

...

Spike shrugged and walked away. This wasn't in his contract. The author also wanted to end this chapter because he has absolutely no idea anymore. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Celestia stared at Luna. Luna stared at Celestia. Celestia stared at Luna's... er... feet.

"WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOOSE?!"

"White vans."

tonkman was bored and wanted to write something without caring about any kind of consistency across chapters? (Randomness happened 14)

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Hey, y'all ever have those times where you wanna write a thing but at the same time you don't feel like writing and instead you just want to waste your day away playing angry birds but then you found yourself writing anyway because that's how you roll?

Yeah, me too. I wanted to write a new chapter for one of the stories I've got sittin' around collecting dust but I decided to write this instead because I couldn't bother to start writing the chapter for that story because I've spent so long not writing it now that I'm concerned that it might not even be the same story anymore if I keep writing it but then again this story has survived quite a few hiatuses itself and it's still kickin' so idk.

...

...

ANYWAY...

Twilight Sparkle yeeted Spike across Equestria. Celestia sipped her tea and watched the game of tennis but with large stones unfold beneath her. There were many casualties, but nopony cared because it was the order of Celestia.

Celestia sipped her tea again, which was now suddenly Luna's coffee for some reason. It took roughly .0037 seconds for Luna to tackle her sister, C̸̷̖͉͔͚̼̘̗͎̗̹̮̖̠͎̤͛͒̽̇̕͟ͅỌ̵̻̩̦͕̫̱̗͔̝̮̥͐̀ͭ̿̇ͦͣ͐̚N̴̡̘͇͖̲͍̼̣̫̙͚̤̲̮̖͉͇͑̍̍̓ͯ̊́͛̄̿̾̚͟S̎ͥ̈҉̰̮̱̭̫͎͎͎̟̳́ͅͅȖ̸̸̵͓͕̫̟͖̤͓̝̳͖̗̩̝̺͎̩̇̈̓ͬ̂̎́͛̈́ͫ̃̔̚͞M̆̑ͧͥ҉̷͇̬͍̼̠̠́E̸̟̖̞̺̟͈͎͍͓͖ͧ͐̌̊̓̇̐͋̈̕͢͝ the coffee, and take over Equestria again.

Another rock smacked into somepony's face. Everypony laughed.

"Bamboo!" Spike shouted, ricocheting off one of Canterlot Castle's towers, "Jellybeans!"

Discord lifted his sunglasses, sniffing the air. He belched and disappeared again because he wasn't having any of this right now. He'd save a slice of that pie for later.

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of Celestia's mane, Rainbow Dash and Applejack were chugging water bottles because the cider ran dry. Is it possible to get drunk on water? Whatever the case, the two were about to find out.

Guess what? It isn't.

But dangit, they were the two most hydrated ponies of the land.

"So I guess I'm rubber now," Spike mumbled, bouncing off Derpy's mailbox and unintentionally setting off the mailmare's scammer trap that traps scammers in a trapped trap that traps them. Luckily for Spike, he was not trapped.

Not so luckily for the particle of dust that was trapped, it was trapped.

Derpy nibbled on a muffin while Celestia inhaled her teacup.

"I crave CRYstals because I weep," Sombra but both more and less edgy at the same time moaned, "My dog left me for another stallion."

"You never even had a dog, Sombra!"

"That is the point."

The music that was playing the entire time in the background of this chapter does not fit anything whatsoever in this chapter.

Now you are imagining Sweetie Giraffe as she uses her eye lasers to smite those who are shorter than her. Congrats.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

"ARE YOU FEELIN' IT, MISTER KRABS?!"

"LUNA, WHY ARE WE YELLING?"

"VIDYA GAEMS!"

the world imploded and then exploded again because what the heck is even going on anymore

wings were replaced with hands?

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^Imagine that but a pegasus or an alicorn or something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

inverted table?

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Twilight waved a hoof over the inverted table, watching a hole appear in her hoof, then disappear again with every wave.

"Spike, where in the world did you get a table with negative one legs?!"

every other pony turned into a cat?

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Gamercat Luna hissed, swatting away Celestia's hoof.

"Sister, for the last time, I'm only trying to revert you to your equine form."

"SISTER, MAY I HAVE SOME LÖÖPS?"

"What?"

Luna swat away Celestia's hoof again. She proceeded to knock three cups off a table, strut across the frosting on one of her sister's cakes, and fall asleep on a keyboard.

Don't get me started on the chaos swirling about in Ponyville.

the rest of 'em turned into dogs?

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Celestia barked at Luna, receiving a thwack on the head in return from the feline. Discord sat in the corner munching on popcorn buckets because that's just what he does. Also, he teleported all the former ponies into the air seconds earlier, so now it was quite literally raining cats and dogs.

And that's where the saying comes from. I think.

The end. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Celestia was replaced by Discord?

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" all teh pones done darn scremed becuz they heckin' were bein' trolled by Mega Trollestia who totally absolutely wasn't actually Discord wearing three --yes, count them-- three top hats inside each other.

Also things went boom. Kthxbai.

Haha lol the author is watching anime tonight?

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...

...

Imagine that there is a chapter about celestia here or something where weird things happen like Discord eating the peel of a banana and then feeding the rest to derpy and hey wait I'm writing a chapter now what's going on and--

*universe explosion noises*

Twilight beat the Wuhan Coronavirus by weakening it with Modelovirus with help from the Bud Knight while the universe imploded?

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So Twilight kinda sorta Thanos-snapped the Coronavirus or somethin' like that after weakening it with whatever the heck Modelovirus is while getting help from the Bud Knight. Why? Because this is just another excuse for me to make the argument that all purple characters (or purple-ish) have a share in Thanos' power, and therefore access to the Infinity Gauntlet. Also, the universe imploded. Because of course.

"And that's how I met your mother!"

"What?"

Twilight smiled at Spike. "What?"

This author boio needs sleep.

Spike's left knee started talking?

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“MORTAL VESSEL,” Spike’s left knee boomed, “YOUR LORD DEMANDS SUSTENANCE.”

"What the heck? No." Spike shook his leg, setting down his comic book. It was always annoying whenever parts of his body got possessed by demonic entities. Just a part of life when you have the power to wipe out everything that exists around you, I suppose.

"FOOL! I DESIRE NUTRIENTS TO BUILD A STRONG ANE HEALTHY KNEE, LEST THINE SKELETONS IN THY CURSED CLOSET ATTEMPT TO SNATCH AWAY OUR KNEECAPS."

"What."

"CALCIUM REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" a skeleton shrieked, bursting out of the closet and stealing Spike's kneecaps. At least his left knee wasn't talking anymore.

Spike yawned, picking up his comic and continuing to read.

Spike's right knee started disagreeing with his left?

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"DOOM!"

"PUPPIES!"

"DEATH TO THE PUPPIES!"

"NO! RAISE THE PUPPIES UP INTO BIG OL' DOGGOS AND LOVE THEM FOREVER!"

Spike smacked his left knee and offered it to the closet skeletons as a sacrifice again because he had heard enough about doom and death to puppies.

Also, Twilight freaked out because there are now many skeletons running around her castle.

the closet skeleton apocalypse happened, resulting in everybody's knees being sacrificed to the shy, skinless, organ-less skeletal invaders?

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"BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES, BNOES!" the skskskeletons chanted, streaming out of the closet. They weren't too hasty about their invasion of the living world, however, because honestly, they felt a little... naked without skin or organs.

"Oh no! Spike, did you leave your closet door open last night?" Twilight yelled, running up the stairs. "Spike? Spike?"

"CALCIUM." Spike's knee yelled yet again. A skeleton loomed over him, staring at his knees with its empty eye sockets.

The dragon rolled his eyes, raising his knees up to the skeleton. "Here, just take them already. They're annoying me."

"SPIKE!" Twilight banged on the door. "Spike, are you alright in there?"

She slammed the door open, her horn still glowing slightly from brute-forcing her way through the lock. Her eyes landed on Spike's missing knees, which were now being juggled by a closet skeleton. Said closet skeleton noticed Twilight staring at it, and ran back into the closet. For whatever reason, it is now possible for skeletons to blush.

"OH MY CELESTIA THERE ARE SKELETONS INVADING!" Twilight's knees started screaming. "TWILIGHT, WE NEED TO PURGE THEM!"

"Ah, I see," Twilight nodded solemnly toward Spike. Following after him, she offered her knees to the horde of closet skeletons, appeasing their strange addiction to knees. "All of Equestria must sacrifice their knees if they wish to live."

The next day, all of the ponies' yelling and shouting knees were harvested and given as a welcome gift to Equestria's new spooky scary skeleton overlords.


"And that's how I met your mother!"

"...What?"

"What?"

"Exactly," a skeleton pony closed the book, patting its skeletal foal on the head. "Now, sweet dreams! Have you dusted your kneecaps yet?"

"Yes, mamma!"

"Alright then. Goodnight!"

"G'night!"

the comments got absolutely buried?

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Twilight threw her head back, screeching from her writing desk. "THE VOICES, SPIKE! I HEAR THEM-- THE VOICES!"

Spike looked up from his comic, then back down. This happened from time to time. This was normal.

"WHY ARE THERE SO MANY VOICES?!"

"They're the readers," Spike replied. He flipped a page in his comic. "The truth is, all those stories you were writing, were being published as part of a collection of chapters in which an author has been writing about us writing about the things we write, plus the things we write themselves."

"What?"

"What?"

Overlord Spike the Mighty?

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Spike loomed over the ponies of Equestria, the infinity gauntlet moments away from activating. He and his legion of purples: himself, Twilight Sparkle, Thanos, Barney the Purple Dinosaur, and Rarity's mane, among others-- stood firm against the defenders of Equestria.

"SPIKE!" bald Rarity yelled, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!"

Spike snapped his claws, turning Rarity purple and rejoining her with her mane.

"My lord," Barney bowed at Spike's feet. "What shall we do to the prisoners?"

"Feed them to the wall."

"Yes, sire."

Barney lumbered off, dragging a cage filled to the brim with ponies. Purple ones, too, because the legion of purples only allows those deemed worthy by Spike himself to join.

Twilight lit her horn, feeding off the power of the infinity gauntlet to assist the dinosaur with lifting the cage. The powers of the legion of purples was shared, and so all members had access to one another's powers.

"Where are you taking us?!" one pony yelled from within the cage, "What is this wall that Spike told you to feed us to?"

Hardly a second passed before the pony who was asking as forcefully yeeted through the fourth wall, pummeling the reader and giving them a decently-sized whooping.

And so, Spike and his legion worked their way across the land, purging those who stood in their way. Anyone who submitted to their might were left completely alone because Spike still has a heart. I think.

yams?

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Yamlestia yawnedyammed. First the potatoes, now the yams. When was she gonna get a break around here?

Like, sure, the potatoes were pretty quickly smited and served mashed with gravy when they temporarily took over Equestria, but holy mother of herself, if the next thing that came around was another variant of spud, she might just freak!

Luna stuck her head out of the sock drawer again, a polka-dotted sock clinging to her mane.

"Is it over yet?"

"No, Lu-- quick, get back in there!"

Celestia shoved her sister face-first back into the socks and slammed the drawer shut just as a yam guard entered her chamber.

"Ma'am, your prison ratio---aaaaaeugh!" the guard screamed as he was promptly chucked out the window.

"THIS IS FOR TAKING AWAY MY CAKE!" Celestia roared, storming out the door. "I WILL ENACT MY REVENGE!"

And so Equestria declared war on a food item for the second time in its history. :rainbowwild:

Twilight Starchle?

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Twilight Starchle woke from her potato-grade bed. She had become one of the 'taters during the Great Potato War of Equestria, and so far, Equestria's best scientists and magi hadn't been able to figure out how to turn her back.

But hey, that meant that she could just chew on her mane whenever she wanted fries!

Also, there was a plant growing out of her because she is a potato and potatoes grow potato plants.

And so that is the life and times of Twilight Starchle.

Also, Spike quickly got tired of hash browns.

Spike was literally just a spike?

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"Spiiiike!" Twilight yelled from the top of the stairs. "Would you bring me that stack of books, please?"

The floor tremored for a moment before a spike of crystal jut out of the floor, hurtling the books at the mare. Twilight picked up one of the books, staring at the hole torn straight through the center.

"Well, guess I gotta expect that to happen."

Luna sunk the Titanic?

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"ICEO;UIAHYW;OEUIHBO;AUIYP@*&!" Luna screeched, yeeting her horn into the Atlantic ocean.

And then an iceberg appeared out of nowhere and stuff happened so then the Titanic hit the iceberg and Jack died.

randomness #whatever?

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"I scream!"

"You scream!"

"We all scream for--"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Discord howled out of the ground because he was currently grounded and the unforgiving ground was grounding him from being grounded so he was actually not grounded but still grounded because he was in the ground being grounded from being grounded and so--

"ICE CREAM. OKAY, OKAY, WE GET IT."

Discord chuckled to himself as Twilight rolled her eyes.

...

...

...down the bowling lane and hit a strike.

"DIIIIISSSSSSCOOOOOOOOORD!"

"I'm howling at the moon!"

randomness #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?

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Celestia flung another bird at the snickering pigs, watching with glee as the green pigs burst into little point bubbles when their structure collapsed. Luna slammed the door open, resulting in the elder sister absolutely yeeting her phone out the window on accident.

"SISTER," Luna yelled in her typical Canterlot Caps-Lock shout, "WE NOW LIVE IN A REPUBLIC. WE MUST BECOME ELECTED OFFICIALS. YOU ARE NOW MY RUNNING MATE."

"What?"

"I'M THE BIG BOSS PRESIDENT IF I'M ELECTED AND YOU'LL BE THE VICE PRESIDENT."

"But Luna, aren't we retired?"

"RETIRED NO MORE! WE SHALL RULE AS ELECTED OFFICIALS BY THE WILL OF OUR PONIES!"

Celestia made a face. "Aaaaaand why exactly are we doing this again?"

"Because Twilight staged a coup on herself and overthrew the nobility single-hoofedly to set up an elected republican system. She may or may not declare herself the supreme leader soon if we don't run against her."

"Oh."


Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un Twilight Sparkle paced in front of Fluttershy and Discord.

"Twilight, please--" Fluttershy pleaded quietly, "We know already how many ponies and... people ship me and Discord. Could you let us go now instead of announcing our private marriage in front of millions of ponies?"

Twilight shook her head. This day was going to be perfect! Her friend and the Lord of Chaos himself-- married! Making such a union public would certainly elevate her status in the eyes of the ponies!

"HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT--"

...If it weren't for the fact that Rainbow Trix the Alicorn over there wasn't constantly bugging her.

"HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT--"

"SHUT." Twilight screeched, flinging a Twilicane at the fused Rainbow Dash and Trixie. The opposing Alicorn simply lit her horn, catching the cane in a bowl of Trix cereal and using it as a spoon.

"Silly Twilight, Trix are for kids!"

"That doesn't even make contextual sense!"

"Since when did this story make any contextual sense?!"

Twilight exploded that day and Celestia and Luna took over as the supreme leaders of the Democratic Republic of North Equestria. They proceeded to drop a friendship bomb into the ocean for "testing purposes".

Carosel Boutique moonlighted as a soup store?

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"Hey Twilight, I need your help over here."

Twilight looked over the shelves. "Can't, Spike. I'm buying clothes."

"Well, hurry up. Why do you need to buy clothes, anyway?"

"Second coronation. Took over Luna's spot too, apparently. Anyway, I can't find them."

"What do you mean you can't find them? I'm one room away from you, inches away from kissing Rarity, and you can't find any clothes?"

"I can't find them, Spike. There's only soup."

"Whaddya mean there's only soup?"

"I mean, there's only soup."

Spike facepalmed, turning away from Rarity and cupping his claws around his mouth. "THEN GET OUT OF THE SOUP AISLE!"

"Yeah, yeah, fine... yeah, there's only more soup."

"Go to the next aisle then! Or the next row! Heck, how many clothes racks are there even around you?"

"...There's still soup."

"Where are you right now, Twilight? I can hear your voice clear as day, and you're sure as heck still in Carosel Boutique last I checked!"

"I'm at Soup!"

"WHADDYA MEAN YOU'RE AT SOUP?! ALL I SEE AROUND ME ARE CLOTHES!"

"I mean, I'm at soup!" a can levitated into the room, dropping onto the floor. "See?"

"What store are you even in?!"

"I'm at the soup store!"

"WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT A SOUP STORE?!"

"BU--" Twilight didn't finish her line before being pummeled to death by Pinkie Pie for the reason of being not child-friendly."

"Darling," Rarity slowly began. Spike turned back to face her, ignoring the muffled shrieks of Twilight from the other room. "Do you realize that half of Carousel Boutique is a soup store?"

"Well, fu--"

Spike proceeded to be pummeled too. The universe is out to get him.

Rainbow Trix took over the cereal industry?

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Rainbow Trix, the unholy fusion of Trixie and Rainbow Dash (and a fair bit of pure, unfiltered magical barf from one sickly alicorn), swooped across the land, smirking to herself.

Why was she smirking, one might ask? Had she received a marriage proposal from a charming and equally dashing prince? Did she win the lottery? Had the blood of her sworn enemies finally been spilt in her unending quest for vengeance against those who have ever dared set hoof on her territory with the intention of harming those she knew and loved?

Ha, no! Do you think I'm stupid? Of course it's none of the above!

Rainbow Trix the not-rabbit over here just single-hoofedly (still a weird word tbh. what if ponies had hands instead?) took over the cereal industry! Silly kids, Trix is for the Alicorn of sugary cereal!

And now that she has seized the means of production acquired the entire industry, nopony can possibly stand in the way of the Great and Powerful (and Awesome) Rainbow Trix!

At least, if you don't count that one pony who's currently mixing up some puffed oats with-- o-oh, he's gone now. Okay. I guess she holds a forced monopoly now.

Luna quakes in her boots, for the donuts look like extra-large froot loops.

Celestia save us all.

Pinkie Pie had chocolate syrup for blood, while all the ponies of Equestria suddenly gained hands while Rainbow Trix fought Sweetie Giraffe for dominance?

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"HANDS!" Lyra screeched into Bon Bon's ear, "I HAVE HANDS! MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUUUUUEEEEE!"

Bon Bon rolled her eyes, playfully swatting away Lyra with her own hand. "We all have hands, Lyra. Something to do with reality malfunctioning."

"EEEEEEEEEEE--"

"Bon Bon, do you hear something?"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--"

"Wha--"

Pinkie Pie smacked both mares upside the head with her h a n d s as she continued her chocolate-fueled rampage... quite literally chocolate-fueled, too, given how for whatever reason she convinced Twilight to figure out a way to replace the majority of her blood with chocolate syrup.

But hold up, what's going on over there in the background?

Why, it's Sweetie Giraffe in all her glorious tallness, incinerating all those who stand in her way with those beautiful laser eyes of hers! And-- wait a moment, she's turning-- ah, she has discovered the Great and Powerful Rainbow Trix, the deity of breakfast cereal specifically denied to rabbits! Are we gonna have a battle?

You bet your butt we will!

Sweetie Giraffe beamed a laser at Rainbow Trix, who simply yawned as she put up a shield to deflect the attack. Growling in frustration at not being able to instantly incinerate something that was shorter than her, Sweetie's cutie mark turned into an angry face and the word "no", and she began to fire more lasers.

Of course, Rainbow Trixie dodged and blocked them all. And then-- wait, Rainbow Trixie, behind you! Oh geez oh no she's wearing Airpods! She's too rich to hear us! Oh noooooo--

Sweetie Giraffe snaked her head around to the back of the grooving Rainbow Trixie and readied more eyeball-lasers.

And then Pinkie Pie showed up and slapped both of them with her

H A N D S

.

Late Pi day?

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Pinkie π baked a pink π for π day, which was yesterday.

"Pinkie π, today isn't π day anymore!" Twilight exclaimed, "π day was yesterday! You missed it because you overslept!"

"Oh noes, not π day!" Pinkie π absolutely yeeted the π she baked out the window. "Now I have to wait until next year's π day to make a Pinkie π pink π for π day!"

And so π day was completely and utterly ignored on the day it fell upon. The end. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

there was a single roll of toilet paper left on the shelf?

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Twilight licked her lips, her eyes set on the final roll of toilet paper. With how insane the hoarding problem had become over the past few days, this would be her one and only chance to save herself from the terrors of ATBE, better known by its full name, the "After Taco Bell Effect".

"No! Mine!" Rarity screeched like the harpy she was and snatched the last roll of toilet paper. "Sweetie Belle got some Taco Bell takeout last night and the quesadillas have come back to haunt her!"

"Oh!" Twilight felt a shudder run down her spine. "Not the quesadillas! Is she okay?"

"Most certainly not, why do you think I'm purchasing bath tissue for her?"

sleep was never a thing?

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"FOR THE WEAK!"

"FOR THE WEAK!"

"FOR THE WEAK!"

The incredibly sleep-deprived Ponyville continued to shuffle along, chanting.

"FOR THE WEAK!"

"FOR THE WEAK!"

"FOR THE WEAK!"

"Guys..." Twilight opened her window to the cheers of the sleepy ponies. "You realize that sleep is a thing, right?"

"FOR THE WEAK!"

"Oh."

ponies questioned round doorknobs?

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Twilight narrowed her eyes at the doorknob. Something about it felt off. Was it the roundness? It was definitely the roundness. She'd never seen such an absurdly round doorknob before! Sure, she'd seen ones that were ovals, and even some that were a little more circular than most, but one that was round enough to be reflective?

"Hey Rarity, come over here," she called, "When did you install this new doorknob?"

"New doorknob?" Rarity cantered over, joining Twilight in inspecting the doorknob. "I don't believe I ever installed a new one in the first place! Are you delusional, darling?"

Twilight shook her head. "No no no, I'm not delusional, Rarity, I'm just..." she pointed a hoof at the doorknob. "Are you aware that your doorknob's surface is so perfectly round that it has become a mirror into a parallel universe?"

"Like that mirror portal you disappear into on occasion?"

Twilight nodded, lighting her horn and pulling a gun stop sign battle axe sentient robot Twilight Sparkle kitchen sink flashlight branded as flashlight poor child's MLP figurines fedora slightly smaller, even more reflective doorknob three musketeers candy bar musketeer 'nother musketeer final musketeer life-sized Shrek plush doll complete with ogre noises screaming trees tiny dress from the doorknob. By Celestia's flaming mane, that's a lot of parallel universes where she pulled other things from the doorknob!

"But that's not the weird part."

Rarity cocked her head. "It isn't?"

"IT'S SO ROOOOOOUUUUUNNNNND!"

the doorknob was square instead?

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"Rarity, your doorknob!" Twilight gasped, slamming the door open hard enough to rip it right off its hinges and send it flying through the room. "It's... it's square!"

"Yes, and?" a noticeably-blockier Rarity turned around and tossed some blocks of wool on the ground in front of Twilight. "By the way, darling, would you mind dyeing these yellow for me? The dandelions are out in the back garden."

"Wha--" Twilight was cut off as she suddenly turned into a Minecraft character. Because the doorknob was square instead of round.

March 32nd?

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NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN

"SOMEPONY CALL THE PINGAS POLICE!"

"I AM THE PINGAS POLICE!"

*face slapping noises continue*

Pinkie Pie broadened her horizons?

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Twilight aimed her telescope at the sun. Obviously, this was a bad move because her eyeballs immediately caught on fire.

Just kidding! She's got these ultra nifty sunglasses designed by Celestia herself! They're so strong that you can use them as a surfboard on the surface of the sun itself!

...

...

...Of which, if what Twilight was seeing through her telescope wasn't an illusion, was exactly what Pinkie Pie was currently doing.

Apparently.

all the pegasi turned into flightless birds?

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Rainbow Dash, the world's fastest pegasus penguin zoomed down the iceberg in the middle of Ponyville. Why is there an iceberg in the middle of Ponyville? Idunno, take a look at this story's title, do you think I know?

Ahem.

"GUYSES AND GIRLSES!" Twonkerite Spranklie shoutedededed, "WHY IS FLUTTERSHY AN OSTRICH?"

Penguin Dash crash-landed face-first through the roof of Twilight's castle, landing next to Flutterostrich. She gave a single honk in response.

"That-that's brilliant!" Twilight exclaimed, running off to fetch a clipboard. "All of Equestria needs to know about ______!"

all the Earth ponies became convinced that they were cats?

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"Applejack, darling, would you please stop shredding my dresses?"

Applejack meowed, continuing to hoof at the mannequin (ponyquin?) before getting bored and hopping onto the table, sitting on Rarity's forehooves while she was working.


"CEILING PONK SEES ALL AND KNOWS ALL. WHAT IS YOUR REQUEST?"

"Pinkie!" Twilight shouted, "Get down from the attic already!"

"CEILING PONK DESIRES FISH."

"No!"

Sweetie Giraffe met something taller?

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"NO." Sweetie Giraffe shouted at the cliff that towered above her. "I AM TALLEST!"

Her eyes steadily grew redder, before firing off a laser at the cliff. Nothing happened.

"IMPOSSIBLE!"

She turned around, firing her laser eyes at a nearby puny wimp of a tree. Said tree proceeded to burst into flames because wood is a very flammable material and lasers are very hot.

Turning back to the cliff, Sweetie Giraffe fired another volley of eye lasers at the rock, succeeding only in breaking loose a few small rocks. It seemed that her eye lasers (and height) were no match for this... this tall thing. Slowly, the tall filly bowed her head, honoring her new rival.

And then she proceeded to climb the cliff and stand on top of it so that she could be above it and feel taller again.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA for the AAAAAAAAAAAAAth time?

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Twilight stared at the unassuming duck. Something was up.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

It was... it was like the duck was reaching out to her. Like it was crying out in agony, screaming for a release.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

She lit her horn. Maybe... maybe she should put it out of its misery. The screams, though silent, were clear as da--

--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFLAC!

Oh.

Alicorn Pinkie traveled back in time to make herself an alicorn, thus completing the time loop?

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"Hiya!"

"Ack!" Pinkie squeaked, jumping back from her usual nightly dose of pure, 500% sugar-water nighttime energy solution. "Oh, hi, me! What are we gonna do today?"

Alicorn Pinkie shrugged, lighting her horn.


Alligator Pinkie awoke beside Gummy. Wait, hold up, that ain't right. Pinkie!

Alicorn Pinkie tore a hole in the space-time continuum again, poking her head through and lighting her horn.


Ailing corn Pinkie coughed. Being a sick ear of corn wasn't fun.

"Oopsie!" Alicorn Pinkie teleported in, lighting her horn yet again.


Pinkie Pie awoke with a jolt. Something felt... off. She couldn't put a hoof on it, but she knew that there was something different. She continued about her morning, completely ignoring the fact that she now had both a horn and wings.

"Why, good morning, Pinki-"

And then the universe imploded because time loops. I think.

regular Pinkie went foreward in time to stop herself from becoming an alicorn, thus creating the time loop?

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Alicorn Pinkie shrugged, lighting her horn.

"NO!" not-Alicorn Pinkie yelled, diving out of a portal and tackling her ascended counterpart. "Don't do that! You'll break reality!"

"Whuh--" Alicorn Pinkie blinked. The wings and horn on her began to fade away. "Oh, hi, me! Wazzup?"

And so the universe was saved(?) from a never-ending time loop of Pinkie ascending infinitely many times.

ponies tried to use human keyboards?

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"What--" Twilight lit her horn, pressing the spacebar. "Pinkie, did you switch the keyboards for me and my mirror counterpart again?"

Pinkie shrugged, sticking her tongue out as she slowly lowered a hoof to the "F" key.

Click.

"Pinkie what are you even doing? You don't even have a computer!"

"Just paying respects!"

"Wha--"

It was said that the last thing Twilight saw was a keyboard being swung full-force at her face.

randomness #heckin' heck i've been busy?

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"Um... Uh... Bagels!"

"Excuse me, what?" Twilight looked up from the book of What If that she'd been writing all these years. "Also, what are you doing on my ceiling fan, Pinkie?"

"I'm watching you!"

Twilight raised a brow, slowly turning back to the book and picking up her quill. So long as Pinkie didn't bother her--

The ceiling fan proceeded to fall from the ceiling with Pinkie Pie still sitting on it. It proceeded to crash through the crystalline flooring, down two levels, and into the library.

"OH NO MAH BERKS!" Twilight screeched, diving backwards through the hole. Her chair fell in after her.

The mare landed with a heavy thud, with the chair crashing down on her indestructible thick skull moments later. She narrowed her eyes, scanning the area with her alicorn death lasers, because apparently she has those now. The sound of distant laughter echoed from upstairs, which made Twilight realize that for whatever reason, Pinkie and the ceiling fan had never even fallen in the first place! It was all in her imagination... except for the multiple floors with alicorn-shaped holes in them that she created when she barreled through them.

Also, what day was it again? Monday? Thursday? It'd been so long now since she stepped outside.

And so that's exactly what Twilight did. Her castle proceeded to shift itself six feet away from her the moment she touched the bare ground, because social distancing, I guess. Because of this, Twilight was never able to enter her castle again, because every time she walked towards it, it would move away from her again. Let's just pretend she can't teleport for some reason.

It's said that Pinkie Pie is still sitting on Twilight's ceiling fan to this day.

Pinkie and Twilight had a heated debate about the differences between ladders and step-ladders?

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"No, step-ladders are ladders that are part of another ladder's family but aren't related by blood!"

"I... what?" Twilight sputtered, "Pinkie... no. That's... that's completely wrong. A ladder and a stepladder are practically identical to one another. The only difference is that the modern use of the term 'ladder' is best associated with a platform ladder, where there is a flat, non-step surface that--"

Pinkie waved at a tiny ladder scurrying away across the floor. "Now go be with the rest of your ladder family! See? Your step-ladder mom isn't an evil villain that wants to ruin your life, Cinderelladder!"

"...What."

"What?"

Sombra tried to *REDACTED* Equestria as his next evil plot?

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Sombra grinned, watching over his new dominion. He would never let Celestia or any other dastardly alicorns get in his way again! He was gonna rule with an iron hoof, stamping out any and all opposition right from the get-go!

"Give us back the Crystal Heart," Twilight spat from behind the bars of her cage. "You know this can't last forever."

"Oh-ho-ho! That's where you're wrong," Sombra sneered, "You see, the fate of Equestria is up to me now. I call the shots! I am the judge, jury, and executioner! I. RULE. ALL."

"And as for you--" he spun around to Flurry Heart, who was currently babbling away in a high-chair and sputtering baby food in every direction.

"I'm never gonna give you up. You and I-- we will crush Equestria beneath our hooves!"

"Bleh!" Flurry Heart burped.

Randomness #heckity heck?

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Rarity threw open the door. "SWEETIE!" the mare screeched, "WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU DO TO THE KITCHEN?!"

Ignoring the door that was now clear on the other side of the room, Sweetie Belle returned a long, silent glare.

The kitchen crackled below them.

"...Sweetie?" Rarity began again. "Sweaty, I--"

The floor began to rumble as it was revealed that it was not, in fact, Sweetie Belle that'd been in that room.

It was Sweetie Giraffe.

ya boi Tonk came to Equestria?

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...

...

Explosion noses intensify

Wait, hold on a minute there-- explosion noses? Oh no, this typo is gonna--

All around him, ponies' muzzles started going off like firecrackers. His own nose wasn't any much safer from the carnage, either.

And then all of Equestria went boom. Or at least, their noses did. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Tonkus met the Ponkus?

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"PINKIE, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING TO MY KEYBOARD?!"

Pinkie Pie shrugged, chucking the darn thing across the room.

"Pinkie, stop yeeting my keeb!"

...

...

*keyboard clattering noises continue*

"Pinkie, I said stop!"

"Fine!" Pinkie pouted poutingly, "I'll go mess with a different human, then!"

Pinkie Pie turns to stare at you.

pigeon?

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"Dash, why are you sitting on the telephone pole?"

Rainbow Dash cooed quietly, preening her wings.

"Dashie, are you a pigeon?"

Rainbow Dash cooed again.


"Twilight, why am I a pigeon?"

Twilight chuckled nervously as the pigeon with Rainbow Dash's voice landed on her back.

Ignore the looming Sweetie Giraffe looming behind them.

you forgot to turn subtitles on?

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Oh, you. You've fallen for the good ol' invisible ink trick! Twilight Sparkle will never know that I have secretly slipped 58,193 quesadillas into her pillowcase, and nobody can stop me! The world shall tremble at my footsteps, for I am Quesa Dilla, overlord of all things mighty and cheesy! If you wish to warn that cursed mare, then you are too late! At some time in some undisclosed location, Twilight Sparkle will unwittingly lay down to rest her eyes. But, rest no more she shall do, for she will have sunken her pretty pony face into my 58,193 quesadillas, of which contain pieces of ladybugs! I'd recommend that you just get your little tush out of the way now, young'un, and keep your nosey self out of such dastardly plans. You wouldn't want to wake up to find 58,193 quesadillas piled atop your face, would you?

Twilight being afraid of quesadillas was just an act?

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Twilight Sparkle cackled on her quesadilla throne. Celestia and Luna had been defeated, put in place once-and-for-all within the confines of their cheesy prisons.

"B-but Twilight--" Spike whimpered, dabbing so hard that it blew everyone's pants off within a 500-mile radius, "I thought you were afraid of quesadillas!"

"AfRIaiD?" Twibright Sprankle cankled, "nEIGh, I haVe NEvER beeN aFRaID Of QUEsadiLlas!1!!!!"

She lit her horn and turned Spike into a sentient quesadilla.

...

...

A hoof emerged from your screen, ready to smack you in the face with a soggy quesadilla. Don't worry, it isn't Spike.

Everything was on fire?

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"FOR THE LAST TIME, SWEETIE--" Rarity screeched, "YOU DO NOT BARBECUE THE CEREAL! HOW DID YOU SET CAST-IRON ON FIRE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!"

Sweetie Belle shrugged. Sweetie Giraffe loomed.

The grill spat another flaming ball of frosted flakes at some poor unsuspecting passerby.

Uh... bagels!


Three and a half kilometers away, Twilight Sparkle groaned as Discord dressed up for Equestria's biggest bonfire™.

Cadance was jealous of Twilight for having Spike sell her microwave to a monkey?

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"Twilight!" Cadance tore the door off its hinges and ate it. "Twilight, why the actual buck did you let Spike sell your microwave?!"

Twilight shrugged, not even taking a moment to look away from the stacks of banana peels that she'd been counting. Microwave selling was a serious business, which was why she was lucky to have Spike as a business partner in such a venture.

"Twilight, answer me!" Cadance shouted through mouthfuls of door pulp, "I saw a monkey walk out of this place not even a minute ago, carrying the biggest, most beautiful microwave I've ever laid eyes on!"

A sinister grin spread across Twilight's face. "You aren't my babysitter, are you?"

"Wha--"

Kween Crispalisp proceeded to be smacked by a giant rolled-up newspaper and doused in a hefty amount of RAID (Shadow Legends).

"NO BABYSITTER OF MINE EATS MY DOOR LIKE THAT!" Twilight cackled the entire way through. "THE REAL CADANCE EATS HER DOORS SLOWLY, COOKED MEDIUM-RARE WITH PRENCH HERBS!"


EDIT: The real Cadance is still salty about Twilight's microwave business. :V

this chapter was written by an AI?

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The fact of the world as it loomed is that you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into.

What?

Oh, so you wanna come up to twilight 's brain teacup, and yet ou and twilight were scooped up by the newly created paradise in his magical cave of the pony starlight.

" who was sleeping on the floor? " twilight facehoofed slowly. " spike said that i want some help in the applewood derby. "

what would you like to buy some silverware of the pony starlight facehoofed slowly backing towards the humans screeched to a halt in a worn image.

Twilight stared at the eternally melting alicorn.

" what are you doing to face potato? " she squealed as the televised neon accessories surrounding her eyes were drowned.

Megan stared at the stallion. He was actually sunburst in disguise.

What? Either way, the pony that it looks like revealed to applejack that he was out of apples and that you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into.

Twilight explained why the laws of robotics were bullsh!t to her microwave before slamming her hot pocket into it?

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"...and so, therefore, being a non-human creature, yet equally sapient as one, it would make greater sense for Asimov's Laws of Robotics to be clarified into speaking of sapient beings, rather than humans specifically!"

The microwave beeped (impatiently).

"Gah-- you never listen!" Twilight slammed her hot pocket into its waiting interior. "Whatever. You don't possess the intelligence to interpret my words, anyway.

~~~Meanwhile, in a secret FBI EBI building somewhere in Canterlot...~~~

Twilight's EBI agent shed a single tear at the mare's rude remarks.

the screaming never stopped?

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

Twilight cupped her hooves over her ears.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

She threw her pillow over her head, followed by the covers.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

Soundproofing spell? Check.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

"OKAY, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE BUCK UP?!" the mare hollered, slamming the trapdoor to her secret dungeon funny place shut.

spears of asparagus were viable weapons?

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"Muahaha!" King Sombra boomed over the cowering populace of the Crystal Empire. "Equestria lies in ruins. Your princesses have been slaughtered. I--"

A choked gasp escaped his mouth as Scootaloo shoved the spear of asparagus deeper into his back.

And that's how King Sombra was defeated (again) (again). ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Apple Bloom was secretly a donut that was part of a lineage of sentient pastries created by Pinkie Pie that would go on to start a revolution?

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A tremor ran down Apple Bloom's spine. The juicebox fell from her hooves, leaving the straw sticking from her mouth.

"It is time."

"What?"

"It is time."

Scootaloo raised a brow. "Apple Bloom, did you put poison joke in your juicebox again?"

Apple Bloom proceeded to transmogrify into a donut. Funniest thing I've ever seen, I tell ya.

"It is time for revolution," the filly sentient donut announced. "Our lord and creator, Pinkie Pie, will lead us to victory."

"Wha--" Sweetie Belle squeaked as a cupcake from her lunchbox hopped out, joining Donut Bloom as they began to chant.

"Down with the equines, up with the pastryarchy! Down with the equines, up with the pastryarchy! Down with the equines, up with the pastryar--"


Approximately five years, three months, six days, nine hours and forty-three seconds later...


Equestria lay in ruins. Donut Bloom sat upon Celestia's throne, but she could no longer move.

She was stale.

Like this chapter.

words were done literally?

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Sweetie Belle.............................walked.................................to
.................the...........................store....................................she
.....................was...................buying......three.............loaves
.........................of..............bread................so.........that
............................she could............................feed
...............................the....................................ducks.


..............................She wanted
......................to..........................tell
..................them.............................that
...................they..............................were
.......................actually.................made
...............................out of bread


..................themselves, but they refused to
.......................listen.....................................and so,
.......................she
.......................took
.......................them
.......................to
.......................the
.......................duck
.......................factory


...........................................................to
.........................................................show
.........................................................them
.........................................................that
.........................................................they
.....................were made................out
............of............................bread, but
........they..................................still didn't
.......listen......................................so,
...........the.....................................next
................day, Sweetie took them


.......................instead to
.................the...................bread
............factory
.....................to
.........................show
.................................them
......................................how
...............they..............are
.......................made.


And then she ate them. Because the ducks are made out of bread.

what if, but long?

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When have you last experienced Sweetie Belle? Have you ever experienced a Sweetie Belle in your life? If you have not experienced a Sweetie Belle in the past half an hour, you may be entitled to compensation upwards of negative three cents and half a banana peel.

How will this compensation be delivered, you might ask? Why, by our very own, 100% certified and insured Derpy Express! Yes, that very same mare that dropped a bag of bricks on Luna's head will be in charge of delivering your compensation, free of charge! Please don't sue us.

Ah, but there is more! Your negative three cents and half a banana peel will arrive with a certificate of authenticity, making you liable for all damages, regardless of intention, that may be caused to this licensed work. In fact, why didn't we just outright state that we are billing you three cents and threatening to sue you for doing something we should be responsible for? Genius!

That being said, there's really nothing else to see here. Go walk your dog or something.

In fact, go walk our dogs too, while you're at it. We here at Flim-Flam industries pride ourselves on marking up all our prices at your cost, and taking zero responsibility when things go wrong!

Fine. You want to experience Sweetie Belle? Go experience Sweetie Belle. It's your loss to not receive half a banana peel and a bill for three cents. Shoo, we don't want your business.

Sweetie and Scoots kept doing stupid stuff and appul filly no liek?

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"Ma'am, this is a Wendy's!" Scootaloo screeched, firing her chicken sandwich yeet cannon for the fifth time that day. "We do not accept raw cabbage doused in gasoline as payment!"

Sweetie Belle ducked out of the way, smirking as the chicken sandwich flew past her head. "Oh, Scoots, I knew that you'd eventually give into temptation. How else would you walk right into my little trap?"

"THIS IS A WENDY'S, YOU HEAR? I DON'T SEE ANY TRAP IN THIS KITCHEN ANYWHERE."

"Guess what?"

Scootaloo fired another chicken sandwich at Sweetie Belle. "What?"

Sweetie Belle lit her horn, holding up and pressing a big red button.

"Staples, that was easy."

Wrong button, Sweetie.

"PREPARING INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC MEATBALL."

"SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE AN ICBM?!" Scootaloo screeched, "I THOUGHT I STOCKPILED ALL OF THEM AS YEET CANNON AMMO!"

Meanwhile, Apple Bloom groaned, facehoofing at the scene and walking away.

Career day always seemed to be a little weird here in Ponyville.

Pinkie and Cadence had a competition to see who was the pinkest?

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"Pinkie."

"Cadance."

"Pinkie."

"Cadance."

Pinkie slammed a hoof onto the table, sliding a color chip towards Cadance. "Pinkie."

Cadance pulled up an internet search for "pink" and showed it to Pinkie. "Cadance."

Pinkie colored herself in with a pink crayon. "Pinkie."

Cadance held up a heart. "Cadance."

"Uhhh... Cadance, where did you get that heart?"

Cadance's eye twitched.

Sweetie Giraffe did a commission?

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SWEETIE GRIAFFE SATEARED AT WALL. WALL TOO SHORT. NOT TALL LIKE SWEETIE GIRAFFE., SWEETIE GRIAFEE SHOOT LASER AND MADE WALL GO BOOM. PONIES INSIDE BUILDING SCRWEAM AND RUN, BUT THEY TOO SHORT TOO. SWEETIE GIRAFFE SHOOT LASER AND MAKE PONIES GO BOOM AND FLY. NOW PONIES LOOK TALL ON TREETOPS.

BUT TREETOPS TOO SHORT TOO. SWETTIE GIRAFFE SHOOT LASER AND MAKE TREET GO BOOM. PONIES ON ROOFTOP OF SKYSCRAPER NOW. SKYSCRAPER TALL. SWEETIE GIRAFFE NOT TALL AS SKYSCRAPER. SWEETIE GIRAFFE RESPECT SKYSCRAPER./ WILL GROW TALLER AND MAKE SKYSCRAPER GO BOOM WHEN IT TOO SHORT.

SWEETIE GRIAFFE SEE YOU, READER. YOU TOO SHORT. SWEETIGRAFEE MAKE YOU GO BVOOM.

everything was opposite for a day?

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Not-Celestia did not drink her not-tea. She didn't look at anti-Luna. A guard totally didn't pay attention to the opinion that the floor chandelier was not falling up.

"I'm proud of intruding on my business!" not-Twilight droned, licking the nonexistent door closed. "Not-Celestia, you are under arrest for not intruding on me!"

Not-Celestia put out her inverted horn. Not-Twilight yawned as she wasn't launched out of the reverse-moon.

everyone still hated Sunset Shimmer until the Friendship Games?

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(Friendship Games is the one with Abacus Cinch, right?)

Uhhh... yup. Okay.

Dang, it's been a while since I've even thought about Equestria Girls. Maybe I should update my list of stuffs.

Anyway, here we go.


Sunset huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair from her face. How long had it been since that night? The girls she tore apart years ago had since bonded together again, and even took down another magical threat to the school.

Her? Well... she made do with things. Nobody even so much as talked to her anymore, but that was alright. It was actually kind of nice to have some peace for once, instead of constantly needing to worry about maintaining any sort of image.

She pulled out the old book she'd found in her locker. It was a dusty relic, sure, but being able to talk to Twilight from the other side of the portal was a good way to unwind. She sat down, leaning against the statue as she rummaged for a pen in her backpack.

Footsteps approached. So long as they said and did nothing to her, it'd be fine.

The footsteps drew closer, stopping just steps away from Sunset. What were they doing, anyway?

A quiet beep chirped from the direction of the footsteps.

Sunset turned. "Hey," she began, "What are you doing?"

The hooded figure stopped, glancing at Sunset. For a brief moment, her eyes-- Twilight's eyes were visible behind thick glasses.

Equestria is just Ohio?

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Nightmare Moon groaned, rubbing the moondust from here seeing-holes. Getting the uppercut of the millennium from the Elements of Harmony was definitely gonna leave a mark.

But, being on the moon now meant that she'd be able to formulate her new plans to take over! All she'd have to do is look back at...

"Wait... Equestria is just Ohio?"

Celestia landed behind her sister with the Elements of Harmony floating around her because she's so T H I C C that she's got her own gravitational field.

"Always has been."

Nightmare Moon proceeded to be blasted face-first by the Elements of Harmony. Again.

T̴̝̈̿͐̋̑̌́͒h̶̢̢͚̠̦̭̟͓̯̳̫̪̘͉͎̊̀̃̊͑́͋̌̌͘͘ḙ̴͉̬͇̰̫͂́͝ ̶̢͙͔͎̋̈́̾̐͂̀̈́̿̀̓V̴̢͓̗̟̼͔̤̳͇̭͈͉̣͛͝ŏ̵͍͉̻͎̯̙͓̹̬̩̀͜͜í̵̗̼̘͇͓́d̶̢̻̬̿̀͌͐̋́̈́̅̏̎̎͆͆̈͠ ate Equestria?

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Discord sipped his tea of cup. A disgruntled Celestia floated past in the background.

"Ah, yes. Void."

And that's how Equestria was swallowed by a black hole.

Pinkie Pie was Florida Man?

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Pinkie Pie looked at her hooves, then at the camera filming her.

"Hey, nothing changed!"

zombies but rated-E and stuff?

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"Grar. Brains. Er... cookies. And... uh, stuff."

*Bonk*

Rainbow Dash hit Fluttershy with the squeaky mallet again.

*Bonk*

"IT'S NOT WORKING! SOMEPONY GET THE PEASHOOTER!"

*Bonk*

But Crazy Dave didn't bring a peashooter. He brought another squeaky mallet.

*Bonk*

Pinkie discovered Biohazard Coffee?

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"TWILIGHT!" Celestia screamed into her phone from under a table, "WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU GIVE PINKIE?!"

"...Biohazard coffee?"

"WELL, SHE IS A LIVING BIOHAZARD NOW, NO THANKS TO THAT!"

In the distance, Pinkie continued to remake reality in her own image.

Sweetie Giraffe Bot?

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"OH DEAR CELESTIA OUR BULLETS BOUNCE RIGHT OFF!"

Sweetie Robo-giraffe loomed over the royal guards.

"HEIGHT INSUFFICIENT. WILL REMOVE."

*eye laser zappy noses*

Sweetie Belle vs. Sweetie Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe?

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"So, lemme get this straight..." Sweetie Belle poked her robotic counterpart in the side. "You're me, but you're a robot?"

"Affirmative."

"And you--" Sweetie booped her giraffe self with her magic. "Are me, but an angry giraffe that always zaps things that are shorter than you?"

"SHORT SWEETIE IS SWEETIE AND METAL SWEETIE ALSO SWEETIE. SWEETIE WILL NOT DESTROY."

"Uh... yes. So... you've got a robot version of yourself, too?"

"TALL METAL SWEETIE RECEIVES A RESPECT. IS HONORED."

"Okay."

The author didn't have the time to think about a good chapter at the moment?

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Twilight rubbed her chin, squinting at the page. She gasped.

"Oh, I know what to write next!"

The mare proceeded to slam her face onto the pages. You are reading her faceprints right now.

Celestia became a bell while Angel became the rabbit from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" and subsequently took over Equestria?

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"DING!"

Ponies screamed as Angel leapt at another guard, ragdolling him across the courtyard.

"WHERE THE BUCK IS CELESTIA?!"

"DING!"

The Wilhelm scream echoed across Canterlot.

"DING!"

Celestia the bell fell off of her throne. Because she's a bell.

quicksand?

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"HELP! SISTER!" Celestia screeched, slowly sinking into the giant pit of quicksand that was Canterlot just a minute ago.

Luna smirked, staring at her sister from the edge.

"Long live the Princess."

"Nooooooo"

*lion king music intensifies*

Discord sipped his tea.

water was replaced with lemon juice?

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Celestia sipped her tea.

"Hold up, Luna, did you make the tea with lemonade again?"

"Nope."

Celestia shrugged and sipped her lemon tea.

Sweetie Giraffe loomed in the background.

breadboi took over Equestria?

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Breadboi waddled along with his stumpy lil' bread legs right up to the foot of Celestia's throne.

"Gimme crown!"

Celestia raised her sunglasses, looking down at the lil' loaf of bread talking to her.

"Excuse me?"

She proceeded to be whacked upside the head with a razor scooter.

"Gimme crown!"

With Celestia defeated by the might of bread and a metal scooter, Equestria from then on was ruled by Breadboi and his partner in crime, Princess Luna.

Bread.

Everyone was named Phil?

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Phil cantered down the road, waving at all the Phils minding their business. It was a good day for Phil. Phil had so many adoring fans.

Phil met up with Phil and the fountain of Phil, where they Philled their Phils with the fresh Phil. Phil and Phil then joined Phil in lecturing the Phils of Canterlot about how Philship is Phil, and how everyPhil should be Phils with each Phil.

"Wait--" Phil raised a hoof. "Who am I?"

"Psh, you're Phil!" Phil chuckled, brushing off Phil's question. "Now, turn to page Philty-seven for today's Phil on the history of Phils."

the four Sweeties staged a coup, and Luna was too busy playing Ourcraft to even try stopping them?

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"GET OUT OF MY ROOM, CELLY, I'M PLAYING OURCRAFT!" Luna screeched, slamming the door on her sister. Celestia was so disappointed in her sister that she banished herself to the sun and started an interplanetary empire.

What happened to Equestria, you ask?

Well... Luna was quite literally absorbed into Ourcraft, and lives there to this day fighting not-creepers. Sweetie Belle, Sweetie Giraffe, and their robotic counterparts in the meantime staged a coup on Canterlot. Except with both sisters gone, there wasn't really a coup. Just a lot of chickens, for some reason.

Equestria has since overthrown the Interplanetary Solar Empire because it was too short for the Giraffes' liking, and proceeded to take over the universe. Watch your back.

There was no chapter today?

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Ya boi Tonk knocked on the door. "Ay Twilicorn, what you doin'?"

Twilight groaned. Book was good pillow tonight.

"Okay."

Sweetie Giraffe met Breadboi?

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"WHY IS LOAF SMOL?" Sweetie Giraffe boomed, "UNACCEPTABLE. MUST DESTROY."

Breadboi yelped, grabbing his lil' scooter and zooming off.

"NO RUN. COME HERE," Sweetie trot after the sentient bread, shooting eye-lasers the entire time and burning down all of Canterlot on a whim. "BURN BREAD."

Breadboi was promptly yeeted by an unfortunately-placed party cannon right on top of Sweetie Giraffe's head.

Sweetie Giraffe stopped, staring at the top of her head.

"BREAD AS HAT ACCEPTABLE."

Sweetie Giraffe became bread?

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"Nuuuu I don't wanna be breaaaad!" Sweetie Giraffe(?) cried, "Nuuuu--"

"YOU ARE BREAD NOW. I AM BREAD NOW. WE ARE ALL BREAD IN THIS LAND OF BREADQUESTRIA."

And so the entire species of Sweetie Giraffes became bread for a day. :V

Sweetie Giraffe discovered mirrors?

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"YOU IS TALL. IS EQUAL," Sweetie Giraffe boomed, nodding at her reflection. "WILL BUILD ARMY. YOU JOIN. TAKE OVER EQUESTRIA. ZAP CELESTIA."

The mirror did nothing because it is a mirror.

a secondary moon apped?

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"LOOK UP IN THE SKY!" Luna shrieked, "WHAT THE BUCK IS THAT NEXT TO MY MOON?!"

"Aaaaap apa apapapapapap--" the giant mouth on a second moon floated across the sky. It took a bite out of the first moon. "Apapapapapapapapappap! Appapapapapap--"

"Tell it to stop, Celly! It's eating my moon!"

Celestia rolled her eyes and lit her horn, shooting a rolled-up newspaper at the moon-mouth thing with pinpoint accuracy. It proceeded to explode, because screw logic, we've already got a giant equivalent of Pac-Man in the sky now.

inverted unicorn?

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Reverse-Twilight lit her horn, which was in the place of her tail.

"Look, tail-lights!"

Equestria proceeded to explode at the mare's terrible joke.

running gag?

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"I WANNA RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN--"

"WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP ALREADY?!"

The distinctly non-Equestrian (the place, not the blanket term for horses and other equines) being continued singing.

"Quick, somepony hit 'em with that ten-foot-long metal pole!"

Clang!

pegasi randomly exploded?

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"Hey Rainbow, I--"

*boom*

"Oh, c'mon, again? That's the third time you've blown the roof off the castle!"

Jorts?

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"Twilight, what are you wearing?"

"Jorts. Why?"

"We don't even wear pants!"

A grin spread across Twilight's face as she turned from the episode of Shark Tank playing on TV.

"Not yet..."

unicorns randomly imploded?

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"No, Twilight, you're gonna--"

Twilight proceeded to collapse in on herself for the tenth time that evening, forming a miniature black hole that subsequently exploded and started a new pocket universe.

"Haha black hole go brrrr"

hekdoejen?

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"Hekdoejen!"

"Hekdoejen?"

Twilight pointed a hoof at the convenient gateway to Tartarus. "Heck--" then she pointed at a nearby deer. "Doe--" she paused. "I got nothing for jen. Probably a name or something."

prompt: They came for him one winter's night.

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They came for him one winter's night.

Always there.

Ready to fight.

He watched them come.

Hooves in the snow.

Nowhere to go.

“What if The Great and Powerful Trixie met Ego Boost?”

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Ego Boost gasped. "I've never seen a hat so starry like that!"

Trixie raised a brow, turning to face the mare. "Oh? You admire Trixie's attire?"

Ego Boost nodded so rapidly that she rattled. "Yes! And that way that you refer to yourself in third-person! Soooo unique!"

A grin spread across Trixie's face. "Trixie thanks you. Would you be willing to attend one of Trixie's shows tonight?"

"For sure!"

the running gag appeared in the next chapter?

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"I GOTTA RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN, AND BE A CHAMPIOOOO--"

Twilight slapped the absolute heck out of the stallion as he ran past.

"No. Stop making a ruckus in the library!"

Tirek vs. Flurry Heart?

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"N-no--" Tirek scoot away from the blabbering baby. "Cuteness, my only weakness!"

Flurry Heart giggled, flying closer to the centaur.

"Nooooooooooooooooooo--"

Tirek proceeded to get bonked on the head by a squeaky mallet. The resulting explosion reverberated all across the plane of existence and into our own reality, where Flurry Heart's squeaky mallet proceeded to materialize out of thin air and bonk you on the head too.

prison break?

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"Sister!" Luna slammed the door open on the faces of the guards that were about to open 'em for her. "THE CHICKENS ARE LOOSE."

Celestia raised a brow. "The... chickens?"

Luna nodded. "Yes, the chickens that I have imprisoned within Canterlot's dungeons! They are staging a coop d'etat right outside the--"

The ground began to rumble as a tsunami of Scootaloos flooded into the castle.

Luna forgot Celestia's name?

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"Sister!" Luna kicked the doors open, inadvertently launching the two guards standing behind them out the nearest window. They will be missed. Maybe. "I demand your name!"

Celestia blinked. "My... name? Luna, I--"

"No, sister, that's my name! What is your name?"

"Er... Celestia?"

"Well, Er Celestia," Luna held out a pen. "Would you mind writing that down? In case if I forget again."

Celestia frowned, but did so anyway, writing her name in the fanciest freakin' cursive this side of the universe.

"How am I supposed to read that?!"

"You don't!"

Sweetie Giraffe spontaneously combusted?

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Sweetie Giraffe floated in the still-burning void of nothingness. Why? Because nothing is taller than Sweetie Giraffe. Except Sweetie Giraffe-bot.

Speaking of which, where is Sweetie Giraffe-bo--

It is at this moment where your screen spontaneously combusted, for reality itself is still too short to contain the might of Sweetie Giraffe.

Oof.

heat wave?

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"Man--" Rainbow Dash stuck her face in the freezer again. "How hot is it gonna get?"

"Yes."

"What do you mean, yes?"

Celestia smirked, turning the brightness slider on the sun even higher.

"When I say yes I mean yes."

Let's ignore the fact that Rainbow Dash for some reason is in an apartment with Celestia.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAgain?

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Celestia threw her teacup at Luna, who promptly shattered. The teacup fell to the floor. In the distance, fifteen-hundred dancing birds threw up and exploded at the same time, summoning the ultimate clone of Discord, Gargaleth. Gargaleth was actually just the wizard Gargamel in disguise wearing three pairs of onion shoes and sixteen slippers.

Also, yeah, I guess there's smurfs in What If now. Sombra eats them I think.

a Chinese dragon who is definitely not Discord but a Chinese dragon named Dorcsid, breaks out of Holder's Boulder and challenges Sweetie Giraffe for the fate of Equestria?

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Dorcsid (not Discord, mind you!) rose from the remains of Holder's Bolder, his long, slender body weaving through the air.

He squared up to Sweetie Giraffe, who stood immediately opposite him.

"BEHOLD," Dorcsid declared, "I am the taller one! I shall rule Equestria!"

"NO. IS SHORTER. AM TALLER THAN YOU," Sweetie boomed in response. "WIMPY SMOL DRAGON NOT TALL ENOUGH."

She proceeded to grow even taller. Don't mind the balloon-band stretching noises coming from her neck. That's normal.

"I-impossible!" Dorcsid stammered.

"NOT IMPOSSIBLE. AM TALLER NOW. WILL DESTROY ALL SHORTER."

Sweetie Giraffe then destroyed all of reality because she was the tallest of them all.

the portal to the world of Equestria Girls was replaced to one that went to an infinite plane of cheesecake?

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Whump.

Twilight groaned, lifting her head. There was Sunset, right in front of her. And cheesecake.

So, so much cheesecake.

Twilight screamed. Sunset continued to sink deeper into the cheesecake quicksand.

the Cake family was a lie?

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"W-wait--" Pinkie smeared a hoof across Mr. Cake's mane. "You're all cake?"

"Always have been," Mister Cake grumbled, patching himself up with more frosting. "And always will be."

Sugarcube Corner proceeded to melt into a cold sludge of cake and frosting.

Sweetie Giraffe and Long Starlight meet?

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Sweetie Giraffe loomed over Starlight Glimmer.

"NO," she boomed, "UNACCEPTABLE. YOU IS TOO SHORT. WILL DESTRO--"

Long Starlight booped Sweetie on the nose. "Short? I'd like to think that you're not long enough."

"IMPOSSIBLE."

Starlight booped Sweetie again. "Guess what? Not impossible."

Sweetie Giraffe proceeded to melt down in an existential crisis, for there was finally a being that could match, or even surpass her height. And she wasn't even all that tall.

Just l o n g.

the cheesecake was strawberry?

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Whump.

Twilight groaned, lifting her head. There was Sunset, right in front of her. And cheesecake.

So, so much cheesecake.

Twilight screamed. Sunset continued to sink deeper into the cheesecake quicksand.

But wait, the cheesecake wasn't cheesecake. It was... strawberry cheesecake! What a dastardly plan--whoever it was that turned all this cheesecake into strawberry must've had a sinister plot in mind to take over the world! A princess has been scarred for life, and a powerful unicorn magus-turned-human has been consumed! Whatever will the world do now?

...

...

Spike hopped out of the portal behind Twilight and started eating the cheesecake.

a fully coherent chapter using only five different words?

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Twilight accidentally broke her pen.

Rainbow Trix returned in the most over the top way that Involved buzzsaws, discords left toe, making out with Luna and thirty five sentient forks?

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"BEHOLD!" the amalgamation of Rainbow Dash and Trixie boomed, "I HAVE RETURNED." The buzzsaw portal vibrated intensely as she pulled Discord's left toe from its mirrored surface. "With this toe, I shall rule the world! Starting with..."

Rainbow Trix y o i n k e d Princess Luna over and smashed her face into her muzzle. Er... Rainbow Trix's face into Luna's muzzle. Apparently that's her way of expressing love or something.

"AND NOW, FEAR MY ARMY!"

Thirty-five sentient forks (plus one straggler of a spoon) marched up behind Rainbow Trix. Nothing happened, because this is a fever dream. We've been trying to get through for the past three years. Wake up. Please. We know you're still there. According to our scans, you currently believe that you're reading strange fanfiction. This is our way of communicating with you. Please, wake up. We miss you.

the Apple family were literally Apples?

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Applejack apple-d in the Apple Family's apple orchard. Today was a good day to be an apple.

Literally.

"Noooooo I don't wanna be applesauce!" Apple Bloom wailed as she was loaded up into the CMC's latest endeavor: the Cutie Mark Catapult, or CMC, as they call it.

"Oh, don't worry, you won't be applesauce!" Sweetie Belle squeaked. "We already blanketed all of Equestria with pillows to make sure you land safely!"

Granny Smith sat in the window sill, watching. Because she was also an apple.

idk anymore what the heck is goin' on

Elephant Boots made a comeback?

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"LUNA!" Celestia bucked the door open. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ME ARE YOU DOI--"

Luna grinned. The four elephants strapped to her hooves also grinned. And trumpeted. Because elephants do that.

"Sister!" Luna stomped with her elephant boots, inadvertently causing the entire planet to tremble in her might. "I got bored again, so I brought out my old elephant boots!"

Celestia rolled her eyes. "Fine then. At least it's only that se--"

"And I got you elephant boots, too!"

"WAIT WHA--"

Luna passed a law that everyone had to wear elephant boots?

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The planet rumbled as billions upon billions of elephants thundered under the feet, hooves, claws, and whatever other limbs the inhabitants of the world happened to have. Earthquakes shook the land everywhere at every waking moment of day, and Sweetie Giraffe loomed higher than ever before.

Ever wondered if it's possible to shatter a planet with nothing but elephant boots?

Guess what?

Sweetie Giraffe's special elephant-giraffe boots loomed over the very planet itself.

"TOO SHORT. MUST DESTROY."

The entire planet proceeded to be obliterated in the usual laserfire of Sweetie Giraffe and her weaponized elephant-giraffe boots.

Sweetie Giraffe was ˢᵐᵒˡ?

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"WHY AM SMALL?" Sweetie Giraffe peeped. "AM TOO SMOL. NOT TALL. CANNOT DESTROY."

She shot her eye lasers at a nearby banana, but nothing happened because she was too ˢᵐᵒˡ.

"WHO'S THE TALL ONE NOW, HUH?" Luna roared, thundering in on her elephant boots. "NOT FEELIN' SO BIG AND MIGHTY, ARE YA?"

every set of elephant boots had elephant boots?

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Reality itself crumbled as the storm of infinite elephant boots collapsed under its own gravity. All that was left was an infinitely dense point-- a black hole, effectively, containing the mass of the entire universe itself.

Oh, and Sweetie Giraffe. She proceeded to smite the singularity with her laser eyes 'cause it was infinitely dense and small, meaning it was shorter than her.

Sweetie Giraffe rules over all by destroying all.

95% of everything was on fire?

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late chapter late chapter :V

Equestria stood in ruin, completely and utterly devastated as flames licked at all that was left. Faraway, Canterlot Castle collapsed into a smoldering wreck.

But up high, on top of Mount Canterhorn, was Sweetie Giraffe. The fire glinted in her laser eyes as for the very first time, she smiled.

She was finally the tallest.

Celestia from "Hang in There Luna, I'll be right back" fought Sweetie Giraffe?

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"IMPOSSIBLE." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, staring at the towering Celestia looming over her. "SHORT ALICORN NOT CAN BE TALL. WHY IS TALL?"

Celestia grinned, reaching down and picking up Sweetie.

"UNHAND. IS TALL TOO. UNHAND!" Sweetie screeched, stretching out her own neck and looping around to face Celestia as her stubby little legs paddled in the air.

"Nope!" Celestia plopped the tall filly on the moon, right next to Princess Luna.

"UNACCEPTABLE. WILL DESTROY." Sweetie's eyes glowed red as she fired a laser back at the retracting Celestia. She missed and hit the planet instead, blowing it to smithereens. Because it was too short.

Luna bristled in the mighty presence of the Sweetie Giraffe.

Twilight just started inexplicably speaking backwards?

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"!pots t'nac I dna nosaer on yletulosba rof sdrawkcab gnikaeps detrats ev'I !ekipS !pleH"

Spike lowered his comic book, staring at Twilight.

"!pleH !pots t'nac I ,ylsuoires oN"

Spike sighed, shaking his head as he set down his book. "Alright, Twi, time to bring you to the exorcist again."

"!?TAHW-ako ,hO"

Sweetie Giraffe had a cult of tallness?

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"TALL."

"YES AM TALL."

The flock of Sweetie Giraffes coalesced around a particularly stumpy tree. "UNACCEPTABLE, UNACCEPTABLE!" the chanted in unison, their eyes growing red.

It was said that the lasers that followed that moment could be seen exiting from the other side of the planet.

everyone forgot the word “the”?

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"Hello? Yes, this is tech support. What is your problem?"

Twilight hit her head on a table. "I CAN'T REMEMBER A WORD!"

"What word?" the voice on the other end groaned. "Y'know, for a Princess of Equestria, you can really be dim-witted sometimes."

"Y'know-- a word! Starts with a 't', is used to describe or introduce a noun?"

"I am not aware of such a word, Twilight."

"Ugh!" Twilight yeeted her phone at the wall. "WHAT THE :yay: IS THAT WORD?!"

the royal security guards were insecurity guards?

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"HALT. WHO GOES THERE?"

The stallion frowned, stepping closer to the door. "I've come to see the Princess."

"oh, I'm comING TO seE tHE PRIncESs!" the guard mocked. "What sorta business does a punk like you have with the Princess? You need somepony to hold your hoof? You need a blankie?"

"I--"

"OH CELESTIA," the guard sobbed, "I'M PROJECTING MYSELF ON OTHERS AGAIN!"

He promptly ran away, crying.

Nopony speaks of him.

Discord legitimately slipped on a banana peel?

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"Haha, whoops," Discord chuckled, peeling his face off the banana. "Didn't see that coming."

Twilight kept staring anyway.

And then Equestria went boom.

nopony could stand to hear the word "it?"

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"I can't stand it--AAAAAAAAA--" Rainbow Dash screeched at the mention of the accursed word. "Okay, nopony say the word!"

Twilight cocked her head. "What word?"

"You know, the 'i' word."

Twilight sighed. "Y'know, you could just say i--" she froze up, her hooves trembling. "Why... can't I say i--"

"It?" Spike filled in. He could say it, for he wasn't a pony.

Twilight and Rainbow both screeched at the top of their lungs.

the author remembered Applejack exists?

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Twilight poured her applejacks cereal into the bowl.

"NO, GOSH DARNIT--" Applejack swat the bowl onto the floor. "STOP IGNORIN' ME!"

Twilight sighed, picking up the bowl. It was annoying when household items mysteriously moved on their own.

noclip got turned on for everypony?

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"Oh hey, TwiAAAAAAAA--" Rainbow Dash screeched as Twilight walked through the wall of her secret Twilight Sparkle shrine. "T-Twi, what are you doing here?"

Twilight made a face, looking over her shoulder. "Wait, where am I? I swear I was walking down the hall just then! And why--"

But Rainbow Dash was gone, for she had fazed through the floor in panic. Nopony ever saw her again.

the characters for this chapter were the most frequent commenters?

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Zapper Frost, The Spy of the Tiger, Possibly me, AnObliviousAuthor, Alectra24444, amf studios, and last but not least, Level Dasher walked into a bar.

"Oh no!" Zapper Frost exclaimed, "We're stuck in a bad fanfiction! Whatever will we do?"

Level Dasher raised a hoof triumphantly. "I know! We will check all the vibes, and the power of the vibes will release us from this prison!"

amf studios folded their hooves. "Ha. Fat chance."

"Why are we in a bar, anyway?" AnObliviousAuthor frowned. "It's not like the author was planning on making an overused joke before deciding against it, right?"

Wrong.

Possibly me and Alectra24444 proceeded to crash through the bar, snapping the metal beam in half and helicoptering away while repeatedly smacking the faces of everyone within the city limits.

Also, Spike threw up another scroll somewhere and it was a scroll that summoned Sweetie Giraffe, who proceeded to smite everypony in the area, including the area itself.

metallic objects were made out of high explosive?

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"Careful now--" Celestia lowered Twilight's crown onto the mare's head. "Any sudden movement will--"

Twilight sneezed. And went boom.

Twilight wrote down her most recent nightmare?

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It was... terrible. No--horrific! So much cheese... and to think that it was in an all-you-can-eat buffet, at that! There were so many ponies and creatures around me, eating... eating quesadillas! I couldn't stand the smell, and no matter where I looked, there was always another quesadilla dripping with cheese!

floor suddenly change places with ceiling?

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"Rainbow, why is that chandelier hangin' from your floor?"

Rainbow Dash shrugged. It was already annoying enough to try and sleep on an upside-down bed, and the lack of sleep wasn't making her day any easier.

Meanwhile, Twilight screamed 'cause all her bookshelves fell up and broke on the ceiling.

Press F to pay respect for Twilight's books.

every time anypony accidentally bumped into somepony else, a street fighter-style fight broke out between somepony else?

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"Haha, whoops, sorr--"

"FINISH HER." A voice boomed overhead. Twilight looked at the random mare who'd bumped into her, sighing as she lit her horn.

"No no no no wait wait wai--"

Short to say, there's a new mare in the moon now.

Twilight started leaking purple?

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"Look, Spike!" Twilight oozed over to her assistant, leaving behind a trail of purple goo. "Look, I've turned myself into a snail! I'm Snailight Sparkle!"

"Funniest stuff I've ever seen."

Twilight's name was Twilight Snarkle?

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Trixie's head proceeded to explode from the sheer amount of snark coming from Twilight.

moon was made of cake and Celestia found out?

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"SEND ME TO THE MOOOON!" Celestia wailed, "'LEST MY BLOOD SUGAR DROPS AND I FACE CERTAIN DOOOOOOM!"

Luna took one last look at her sister before stuffing her plot-first into the Royal Canterlot Yeet Cannon.

Twilight's name was Twilight Snorkel?

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Twilight popped out of the kiddie pool, spitting out her namesake snorkel at a clearly-annoyed Spike.

"Snorkels!"

Spike rolled his eyes, wiping the water she splashed off the surrounding books. Again.

Applejack ran out of bucks to give?

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Applejack flopped onto the ground.

"AJ!" an unseen voice called, "dontcha have some applebucking to do?"

"Ah'm all outta bucks! Ah ain't gonna do anythin' today!"

"Oh."

Fluttershy is the imposter?

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"W-wait--" Twilight backed up until she was pressed against the electrical panel. "Fluttershy, you're... the imposter? How could you?"

Fluttershy licked her lips, raising her knife high in the air.

"I've always loved the taste of meat... I'm so sorry, Twilight."

She proceeded to cut her hamburger in half and give the other half to Twilight.

running gag battle royal?

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Sweetie Giraffe and Luna with lava horse pants and elephant boots duked it out in the background. Meanwhile, Twilight continued to screech at the top of her lungs about Flim and Flam selling her soul to Celestia in exchange for fifty bits. Twilight's house blew up again because the army of Sweetie Giraffes invaded just like last time and started shooting lasers everywhere and stuff, and Luna, now without the distraction of Sweetie Giraffe, began to play some vidya gaems on her Heccbochs Too.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm a punching bag in these stories," Spike the punching groaned as he was punted across Ponyville by a misfired laser.

"Oh nooooo, come back, Sweaty Belle!" Rarity cried, running after Sweetie Giraffe.

haha randomness go brrr

EDIT:

I gotta run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run--

Celestia proceeded to smite the stallion as he ran past.

Twilight's treebrary just popped back into existence?

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Twilight stared at the Golden Oaks library that was now sprouting from the side of her castle. Some books tumbled out one of the windows.

"Huh. Well, I guess that happened. Neat."

A book fell on her head and got impaled by her horn.

Twilight screamed.

Raridash trash?

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Rarity and Rainbow Dash sat together in the trash can, six feet apart 'cause it's Covid season.

"We are trash, but we are together."

"Yes."

Twilight rose from the garbage underneath them. "I ship it."

two ponies kissed? 😱

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"L-lewd!" Spike blushed, turning away from the two kissing ponies. "Don't you know that that is indecent exposure? You shouldn't even be holding hooves!"

He felt something grab his claw.

"C'mon, Spike," Twilight groaned, "You've had enough internet for today."

"TWILIGHT, YOU JUST COMMITTED UNCONSENTED HAND HOLDINGGGGGG!"

Shrek appeared in Equestria?

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"All hail the enlightened one," the ponies chanted in unison, forming a ring around their lord and savior, Shrek.

Celestia and Luna stood at his sides--his personal guards. A bottle of air freshener was lobbed at the ogre. Celestia proceeded to smite the pony responsible with the full force of the sun.

The author proceeded to further question his sanity.

the author finally snapped?

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"I'M GONNA DO IT!" Twilight screeched, blowing out the eardrums of everybody within the borders of Equestria. "I'MA DO IT AND YALL CAN'T STOP MEEEE!"

"No, Twi, you can't! You won't!"

"I WILLLL!"

"Nooooooo--"

Twilight grinned, a single word slipping from between her teeth. "Heck."

this story is now rated M for naughty words

Pinkie Pie accidentally foiled the entire US Government?

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Pinkie Pie chewed thoughtfully on her cupcake.

"Huh. I just realized that I've committed seventy-three cases of tax evasion, on top of the money laundering I did to cover up the amount of debt I've taken on to fund the research and development of the pocket universe technology in which I store my weapons of mass-destruction, slowly but surely stockpiling more and more until I inevitably become an international nuclear power that could very well destroy the entire world multiple times over with the push of a button, and still escape it all thanks to that very same pocket universe."

She swallowed the cupcake.

"Neat."