What If...

by TheMajorTechie

Twilight was just a figment of Princess Celestia's imagination?

Author's Note:

Forcalor is a figment of our imaginations.

"Twilight, could you go deal with Tirek II for me if you so please?" Celestia rung a bell.

A spectacled Raven Inkwell sighed, kneeling at her Princess's hooves. "As you wish, my Princess. I must remind you, we have no records of this Twilight Sparkle that you refer to myself and my sisters by."

"Alright, Twilight," Celestia shrugged, swallowing another bite of her cake. "Oh, and could you remind your babysitter that the Crystal Heart needs to be watered thrice daily as well?"

Raven saluted. "One of my sisters has already communicated with Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. There is no issue to report regarding this task."

Celestia tapped a hoof idly against the arm(foreleg?)rests of her throne. "Ah!" she suddenly burst, "That reminds me, how's that brother of yours, my dishonorably-discharged-for-medical-reasons student? He still making googly eyes at Cadance?"

Another Raven stepped up beside Raven and whispered something in her ear. Raven stiffened up, nodding at Celestia. "Prince Shining Armor of the Crystal Empire has been married to Mi Amore Cadenza for years, Princess. They have already produced children."

"Grandchildren!" Celestia cheered, clapping her hooves together in excitement. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, Twi? Fetch me my guards, I must attend the baby shower at once!"

Raven reached a hoof out. The second Raven beside her floated a communicator into her grasp. "Prepare a chariot, the Princess intends to travel. We need full accommodations and a nurse onboard. It is not necessary, but it may be the Princess's preference for the Royal Chef to also be present. As a reminder, all references to the chef must be done by the name 'Pinkie Pie', lest we upset the Princess."

She paused. "Also, notify Mi Amore and Shining Armor of her highness's arrival in advance. They must prepare for yet another baby shower. We already know well what happens if there is not one to attend."

Raven passed the device back to her sister before bowing again. "It is done. Is there anything else that you request from your faithful student?"

"Nope! Just Tirek."

"As you wish."

---

Raven knocked on the door. She stepped back, waiting a minute. Then two.

She knocked again, checking her watch as she glanced at a third Raven Inkwell that stood beside her--this one a pegasus.

And about half a dozen more of her sisters behind her.

A loud thump emanated from behind the door, followed by a groan. Heavy hoofsteps clip-clopped up to the door.

"Celestia again?" Tirek's tired voice came in muffled mutters. "Doesn't she believe that the all-powerful Tirek is in Tartarus or whatever that place is?"

"The Princess believes that your next-in-line has come to rampage. I have brought my sisters to assist in the relocation. We hope it will not inconvenience you as much as it had the first time."

The door creaked open as Tirek let the Raven Collective enter. He yawned, scratching his side as he watched each mare pass his belongings out into the hallway.

"What about everyone else in the apartment?" he yawned, stepping aside for his sagging mattress to be carried out. "Don't they have to relocate too?"

Raven gave a brief nod as she passed. "You know well the size of the Collective. The other occupants of the complex are also being assisted as we speak."

---

Tirek watched as his cart of possessions was loaded onto the train. He turned his head, glancing one last time at the unassuming apartment that he'd called home for the past three years. It wasn't too bad of a place, to be honest. Yes, it was drab and dull--nothing like the gaudy mansion he'd been placed in for show the first time around.

Those acting days were over, anyway. The constant need to hire himself and other actors to stage worldly threats to distract the Princess was far more draining on Equestria's resources than it was to simply pass along rumors and demolish derelict buildings. It worked to the nation's benefit, in a sense--the Princess remained placated by her delusions of a student, while at the same time the decaying infrastructure of the countryside could be allocated the resources needed for redevelopment.

His eyes shifted to the line of carts lined up behind his own, each one hauled by four, no, six of the same mare.

He always wondered where they came from.

In the distance, a deafening explosion marked the end of the derelict building.

The Raven Inkwell that stood beside the open doors of the train's cargo truck lifted a radio to her mouth.

He could just barely hear the words she muttered.

"Sparkle has arrived. The target has been eliminated. Report back to the Princess via dragonfire at your assigned time."

Comments

[Boltstrike58]

Well, that's disturbing.

[TheMajorTechie]

11735075
whiplash dealt 👁👄👁👍

[Forcalor]

Ah, I like this
It's everything that I've wanted! It's like a Christmas present! Thank you.

[dragon_slayer]

"What if the immortal ruler got dementia" is a surprisingly good psychological horror dark comedy premise.