• Published 6th Jan 2016
  • 4,236 Views, 2,713 Comments

What If... - TheMajorTechie



A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions.

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Big ol' something something sleepytime thingy?

Author's Note:

Don't worry, I'll get to the Morgan Freeman chapter once I have some more time.

Twilight Sparkle waved a flesh tentacle of banacles at Derpy, who in tern blew a raspberry. Like, an actual berry. Right out onto the ground, too.

"HIYAH!" Link screeched as he descended from the heavens above, helicoptering down by spinning rapidly with his sword.

Large boulders began to rain down sideways off the bottom of Canterlot Castle. Canterlot Castle is a beautiful place because it is a beautiful place that is wonderful and stuff.

"Oh no. Not Boulder," Maud monotoned monotonously as she pranced over Holder's Boulder to retrieve Boulder from the larger boulders, "I shall reunite you with Gummy, where you will live happily ever after."

Anon screamed.

"Oy vey," Sweetie Bot shook her head furiously like a cat that came out of a heavily-chlorinated swimming pool, "This certainly isn't going as to plan."

The door slammed open, revealing Celestia as she moonwalked backwards through the air-door, passing over the bridge to the beforelife. Everypony laughed at her reverse-passing.

MEANWHILE...

Certified Grade-A+ Egghead Dr. Professor Rainbow Dash cackled, her derp eyes burning holes through her textbook as she absorbed the pure, unfiltered knowledge through diffusion. Nearby the time-whack machine whacked the time again, setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop--

The universe restarted from its errored ways, rebirthing all that ever came to be. Except for that weird gearbox grease that looks like strawberry jam but actually tastes horrible and is all sticky if you leave it out to get dusty. Also, woodglue is great on sandwiches. Fite me.

"Howdy howdy howdy," Applejack greeted from her apple-den, "Howdy howdy?"

Rarity scoffed. "I am so offended by that!"

Fluttershy didn't say anything. She was a tree, and the Lorax spoke for her instead.

"I am groot." the Lorax stated matter-of-factly, "I. Am. Groot."

"Yes, yes! Excellent work here, my preciouses!" Pinkie squealed over her sentient cupcakes as she watched them go about their world of frosting, "My cupcake creatures live! They liiiiiive!"

A big ol' freakin' foot stepped in the middle of the frosting world.

"Whoopsies."

"AH'MA GETCHA!" Dory teased, swimming in the air after a sky-jellyfish AKA a wandering plastic bag.

"Moooom, can you help me on my workhome?" Freddy moaned, clawing at the edge of his desk.

Mrs. Mom shook her head as she worked on her grown-up homework. "Sorry, Fredbert, I have homework to do. Workhome is for little kids to do since they have to provide money for the family."

"That's not how that works!"

"That's not how any of this works."

"You're a dog now!"

"Meow."

That one thunderous roar echoed over all of Equestria, pinging all over near and far as it ruptured the ear-heary-hairs of all the ponies within a gazillion-mile radius.

Also, while you were reading this an arm made of bananas punched its way out of your screen and stole your toes.

"I hate time," Luna spat, spitting her spittle spittingly all over her brand-spankin' new Heccbochs Too console. "It always goes in one direction, but it never cares about the other direction. Why does time not like backwards movement?"

The Heccbochs Too said nothing, for it was a video game console.

Words. Words words words words horsewords!

Anon the Second pointed his slingshot's binoculars up the manhole in the middle of Cloudsdale. The foot of the table fell on Princess Skystar's head, knocking her into a pocket universe made of PFUDOR.

Big Calculus drove straight through the middle of Canterlot and demolished things like the very concept of how to maths because calculus does that to you.

"OH NO MY GRAPES." Grapejack sniffed.

Orangejack poured herself a glass of pulp fiction.

Pearjack glanced up from her book, pushing her pear-o-vision goggles up before stuffing her eyeballs under the couch.

Grapefruitjack stared lovingly at Grapejack, but like Romeo and Juliet, their love was never meant to be. Because they're fruit with sharpie faces. Also they are sentient, but that's a minor detail.

Almondjack milked the almonds for the day.

The sound of thunderous applause tore through the streets high, low, and lower. It was an amazing feat for such a minor event; the birth of the world's next Princess. Prince? Prince-ess.

Darkly Blackington unfurled his pitch-black with red highlights wings as he opened his mismatched feline eyes, his crackling horn sparking with dark magic that would put your friends' dirty socks to shame.

"I HAVE POWER!" He-Man announced somewhere from atop Mount Everest.

A giant floating hand appeared over Equestria, prompting Lyra to sacrifice herself to the hand-gods by jumping into the swirly portal of swirly colors and hands and human stuff like walking with your foot and drinking water.

"TAKE ME TOO!" Bon Bon yelled, grabbing Lyler by her hoof as the two were dragged into the magical world of Candyland x D&D.

All around me are familiar faces saying don't forget your safety squints.

Tod the Talking Pillow talked to Celestia about talking pillow things. Celestia in return retorted with some horsewords. Back and forth this conversation would go, lasting for seconds upon minutes upon hours upon days upon weeks upon months upon seasons upon years upon decades and so on until the very end of time itself.

*Insert filler material here.*

"Hold on just one hot second here," Twibright Sprinkle deadpanned, munching on her celery stick and mud sandwich, "What're you even doing, reading this hot garbage? Go do something with your life. You have the power invested in yourself to change the world, as long as you put effort into it."

Did I mention that woodglue absolutely should not replace mayo when eating a sandwich?

idk.

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