• Published 6th Jan 2016
  • 4,255 Views, 2,725 Comments

What If... - TheMajorTechie



A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions.

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Spike was replaced with a sentient paperclip?

Author's Note:

I'm lookin' at you, Clippy!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--

"It looks like you're trying to wake up! Would you like some assistance?"

Twilight yawned, rubbing her eyes slowly as she let out a slow, mumbling, "What?"

"It looks like you might have trouble hearing. Allow me to assist." the paperclip replied calmly, shoving a Q-Tip into the mare's ear.

"GAH!"

"It looks like you're surprised. Would you like a chill pill?"

Twilight grunted, plucking the fluffy stick from her ear canal. "No." she replied, peeling herself from the covers.


"It looks like you're trying to poop rainbows," Clippy began, emerging from behind Twilight's shower curtain, "Would you like for me to help?"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, CLIPPY! UNICORNS DON'T CRAP RAINBOWS!"

"It looks like you have anger issues. Do you want me to call a psychiatrist?"

"No."


"It looks like you're trying to sort books. Would you like them sorted alphabetically?"

"Yes, please, Clippy. Don't screw it up like when you tried making breakfast."

...

...

"Your books have been sorted from most to least obnoxious."

The sound of Twilight's facehoof reverberated throughout the castle.


"It looks like you're trying to enjoy yourse--"

"GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, CLIPPY!" Twilight screamed, throwing a book at the disembodied office material.


"It looks like you're having some fun with your friends. Allow me to join?"

Twilight sighed. "Fine, but stay away from Rarity, Clippy. You know how much she dislikes you getting caught in her mane."

"TWILIGHT! GET YOUR PET OUT OF MY MANE!"

Once again, Twilight facehoofed.


"It looks like you're trying to save Equestria. A̶ͨl̢ͤͣ͑̌l̬ͭ́o̝͎̘̭͌ͭͦw̨͚̖̗͔̺̮͗ͫ ͇̯̪̤̄ͧ̑̒͞m̟̲̘͍̥̞̣̉e̺͔̪͎̦̫͈̅́̈́̃̚ ̗̲̙̲͐͋̾̏ͤͮ̎t̗̰̟̟̞̺̖ͭ͗̃o̩̫̞̰̜̦ͬ͋̏ͥ̃̀ ̮̌͊́ā̶͙̥̬̱̎̔̉ss̖̬͚̞̈́̈ͯ͒ͪi̼̲̒s̨̺͗̿t̹͙̳̰͙̝̘̅͂ ͈͚̻͑͐̌̆͂̇̅ͅī̮̝̘̺͔͉̋ͬ̀̉͐̍͘n̼̏ͦ̍ͮͯ͂͠ ̭̻̠͖̖̭͂̂̋̐͌͛͋͞s̷̲͉m̰̃ͦ̍i̗̓̃̔̚͜t̻̙̭i̟͎̪̺̩͑̆͢ņ̩̦̩̮̟͍̇͛͑̄͋̓͂g̵͕̰̾͊͑͊̆̿ ̡͙̙̜̤t̤͓͙̠͗ͩͮ͗͡h̒͝ẽ̴̩ͩ̌̈́̅͌ͭe͆͗́͛͏̜̱̦̠̗̝͙ ̸̘̝̻͈̯̰̀ͭͅo͔ͧ̉͑t̨̞͋̉͗̈hͥ͝e͍͗̈ͧ̑̋r̥͓̻̲͖̗̈́ͬ̈́w̙̣̥̻̝oͯ͂͗ͬr̦̱̀̌l͙̝ͫ̒̈d͈̟͍́ͯͯͥ̄͐̎l̩͚̒̓̏ͣ̅̈́y̵̹͐̅͆̆ ̣̜̖̩̲̼͡d̵͓̭̤̜̼͔e̱̟͙̻̭̭̯ͯ̽͊̚̚m̛ͩ̒o̳̗͖̬͙̞ͤ̔̏͛ͩ̇ǹ͔̗̪͎̟̐̊ͦ ̣͎̺͎t̝͈ͪ̍͌̓hͮͧ͛̄ͭ̑̕a̖̰̻͛tͤ҉̟̮̬̰̼ͅ ̈c͗̑ͤ̃͒̓h̪͈̩ͦ̈̎ͯ̾ͩ͟a̤̥͙ͫ̇͊ͨͭͯl͖̳̳̏̇̐̔̅̌͐͝l͇̺̣͇̪̎e̩̮̹̰̮̰ͯͫ͒ͭ͐ñ̲ͬ̋ͮ͆̎͞g̺̗̯̩̯̜̭ͬ̔͗͂ḙ͎̭̭̤̖̣̋ͣ̌ͩ͑̚͢s͈̟͚̋̄ ̨̖͙͈͈̗͉͒̅͋̐͒yͨ̐͊̏̓̓͂e̒̑̀ͨ̅ͨ?̵̪̝̗̯̃͋ "

"What." Twilight deadpanned, freezing time to open her assistant's control panel.

One registry tweak later, and the paperclip was back to normal.

"It looks like you've changed my settings. Would you like to restart Reality XP to apply your changes?"

"No, thank you."

Shutting down Reality XP...

Applying update 1/531760...

...

Applying update 2/531760...

...


Booting Reality XP...

Welcome.

"CLIIIIIPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYY!" Twilight hollered.


It looks you're writing horse words. Would you like some assistance?

Wait, wha-- NO!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

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