• Published 6th Jan 2016
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What If... - TheMajorTechie



A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions.

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Chapter 288?

Two-hundred-eighty-eight years into the future, Equestria has become a strange and peculiar place to be. Throughout its many years of battling strange beings and horrid monsters, the nation of small magical pastel horses led by a Pentarchy of Princesses (namely the Princesses Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Twilight, and Flurry, respectively) has risen to become not only a global power but an intergalactic might.


Tirek, the now-thrice escaped prisoner of Tartarus, cackled with a hacking wheeze as he pointed his blast-you-to-bits-lasertron-2500XL at Princess Flurry Heart's head.

You see, this is the part where one would pause, and assume that some handsome prince would swing in to save his fair maiden, or that perhaps Princess Flurry Heart may have some bond of some sort with animals that would allow her to overcome her troubles with a song.

This is the part where you are wrong. Contrary to the stereotypical Disney Princess logic, not only was Princess Flurry Heart decidedly not young (relative to the average pony lifespan, of course. She's still the youngest Princess), but she also happens to be known from her home kingdom, the Crystal Empire, for single-handedly (hoofedly? magical tendrils-y? wingedly?) destroying the one object that a shadow being who'd once enslaved that same kingdom had failed to destroy: the Crystal Heart.

Also, she packs a mighty arsenal of weaponry and attacks. She certainly isn't your average Pokemon-- eh? This isn't Pokemon? Um... yes, this little engine that could-- oh, it's not that either? The ethereal specters of Barney the Purple Dinosaur and Kermit the Frog appeared befo-- okay, just tell me what twentieth-through-twenty-first-century franchise this character belongs to!

Ahem. As I was saying, this pony from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, packs a wide range of weaponry, and a vast knowledge of skills and attacks. Smirking in the face of certain obliteration, Flurry Heart in turn pulled out a modified tactical staple gun, aiming the office/workplace commodity weapon at the ancient beast's eyes.

"Aw, shoot. Out of staples again," the mare suddenly realized, instead chucking the staple gun at Tirek. In its place, she drew out a flaming chainsaw coated with magic-absorbing nanocrystal structures, screaming bloody murder as she made her first swing at Tirek the intergalactic Tartarus runaway who somehow managed to meet Thanos once in some obscure crossover that probably exists somewhere.

What Tirek didn't know was that all this time, he was still in Tartarus. It was actually some random, convoluted fantasy written by a sleep-deprived author somewhere that just happened to get crammed into his mind. Like, just look at this guy. He's just laying there, slumped against his cage, his pupils dilated and his mouth foaming. Can you get a load of this guy? What a wimp. There's no way he could've escaped Tartarus again, no matter wha--

The sound of a keyboard clattering to the ground as a rift in reality swallows the author emanates from all around.

Author's Note:

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