What If...

by TheMajorTechie

the reason there were no cakes is because Lex Luthor took all forty of them? (That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.) (OOMPA LOOMPA PART 4)

Author's Note:

Guess what, epiccuttlefish?

i have been absolutely slammed by midterms week and homework lol

I grit my teeth. When did Lex frickin' Luthor appear in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Surely Roald Dahl wasn't a writer at DC Comics, right? Or vice-versa?

No matter.

In the passing moments between now and when I had battled against Celestia, the wall had been blasted out by the man, and lo and behold, there were the cakes. All forty of them.

That's as many as four tens.

It's...

"You're terrible!" Celestia screeched, turning her horn at Lex Luthor and firing a volley of shots. "PERISH."

Lex Luthor proceeded to slip away through the hole in space-time conveniently torn by Sweetie Giraffe's multiversal rampage.

Comments

[DuskDew]

I didn't start reading I clicked the website link, I clicked the button. All I can say is that this is peak shitpost and I fucking love it. This just made my top 10 favorite fimfics purely because of this.

[TheMajorTechie]

10683143
you clicked the 👁👄👁👍 button? 👀👀👀

EDIT: congrats, you're the 3,400th comment!

[DuskDew]

10683146
Yes, and oh so I am how bout that!

[TheMajorTechie]

10683148
excellent. Sweetie Giraffe welcomes all new sacrifices to The Tall One.

[silvadel]

There was a story -- something like Celestia vs Lex Luthor -- where such a cake stealing was at the heart of why Celestia didn't like Lex.

[Horseus King of Horses]

I grit my teeth. When did Lex frickin' Luthor appear in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Surely Roald Dahl wasn't a writer at DC Comics, right? Or vice-versa?

True, but Christopher Lee was in the 2005 film adaptation as the father of Willy Wonka, and he also played Saruman the White in Lord of the Rings trilogy. And do you know who's Saruman's main enemy from the films? Gandalf the Grey, who's also Magneto from the X-Men films. Which is a Marvel film.

Since Gandalf was evil in the X-Men films, then that means Saruman is good. Now in X-Men: Days of Future Past, "Gandalf Magneto" was being hunted down by an army of robots. That makes the robots good, since Magneto's evil. And do you know who built those robots? Why Saruman of course, with his robot factory in space according to Star Wars. And since the robots are good, then that means Saruman is good.

And since Saruman's in space, guess who'd he meet? Why Superman of course during his fly off from Earth scene at the end of those movies. Because Superman is good, that means he's friends with Saruman who's good because he's hunting Magneto (who's evil) with his robot army.

Now who's Superman's enemy? Why Lex Luthor of course! And since Lex Luthor doesn't like Superman, a do gooder from space, then that means he doesn't like Saruman, a do gooder in space. So Lex Luthor devised a plan to torment Saruman's son, Willy Wonka and stole all of his cakes. He also ate all of Celestia's cake, because she's Superman's weakness due to her ability to control the sun and also because Saruman hates horses as seen in Lord of the Rings.

He also made it look like it was bats' idea, which is why Batman Vs Superman happened in Zack Snyder's "Edward Cut".

[Possibly me]

10683148
One of us! One of us! One of us!

[TheMajorTechie]

10683326

👑

your crown, master theorycrafter.

[Horseus King of Horses]

10684650
Why thank you. But I don't need a crown, because I'm already a king. Maybe a trucker hat would do.

[AnObliviousAuthor]

10685133
Alternatively, double crown!
What if Twilight did a minecraft speedrun?

[TheMajorTechie]

10685886
*Dream speedrunning noises intensify*