• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,516 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 4

You're inside. Wow, it really isn't much different from a human home other than the fact it's part of the barn. Aside from a few odd knick knacks and everything seeming lower to the ground. You couldn't fully tell, being so small yourself. And, with either an extreme amount of luck. Or just the fact YOU ARE in their home. You spot Applejack. And the scent of something deliciously sweet.

"Howdy Applejack! How're ya doin'?" Applebloom said with a positive vigor. Applejack turned, smiling, and having noticed her extra positive attitude in her voice. She knew she was cleaning the clubhouse not too long ago after another day of failing to get a cutie mark. And, it seemed...she was making some food...something apple related.

"Howdy Applebloom, Good to see my little sister in a chipper mood. Because you're gonna get really excited when you see what we're havin' for dinner later" Applejack said with an eager smile

She took a sniff, you yourself were still sniffing. It smelled so sweet. "Smells like Apple Pie, but uhm, hrn. Somethin's smells extra delicious about it. Whatcha put in it sis?"

Applejack smirked "Oh not much, seems we had a little too much Zap Apple jam. And since it's so close to harvesting time. Granny Smith and I thought dessert should have a little more of a kick to it. Gotta say, I'm more excited than a...oh, hey there young fella..." She finally noticed you.

Oh geez, you don't say anything. You just wave. You didn't want to get into a conversation with her. You didn't actually know much about anything apple related. Despite your lies.

Applejack slowly wandered over to Applebloom. Keeping her eyes on you. "New friend Applebloom? or a new recruit for your club?"

"Just a new friend, he's well....He doesn't wanna be a Cutie Mark Crusader. He says he doesn't really care about Cutie Marks." This seemed to have caught Applejack off guard

"Don't care about Cutie Marks?!" She turns to you "Is that true? Ya really don't care about them?"

Oh geez, really? Does it have to be this big a deal? "It-it's not that I don't care. It's just... Ya know… I think I could be good at what I want if I try… And uh. Well, I don't even think I could get one really" You really didn't. You weren't sure how artificial your body really was.

"Hmmnnn..." Applejack gave you a cold hard stare, she was quite astonished by that answer. "That's gotta be the most backwards thing I ever heard. Every pony strives to learn what their special talent is." She grabs her hat and put it on her chest as she looks up proudly "Everypony deserves their cutie mark. To help them through their lives by letting them know what they're destiny is, ya hear?"

Oh god, that sounded like garbage to you. "Look, I just don't see why I need one.. I-I mean… Right now."

Crap, no no no no. You didn't want to get into this. It's a stupid argument you know you'd never win because either there'd be an episode tier intervention or multiple dance numbers explaining why they are important.

Applejack gave you a short silent stare, and then pulled you close for a small hug "Poor fella, I can't imagine what would make ya think such a thing."

OH GOD, A FEMALE WAS TOUCHING YOU. OH GOOD LORD.

You tensed up, blushing. Applejack, still hugging you, looked to Applebloom "Where'd he come from?"

"Dunno, I kinda met him a little bit ago. his name is Anon. Ya ever hear of a name like that sis?"

AppleJack shook her head "Can't say that I have. Must be an out of towner" She released you from her grip. You had to take several deep breaths to compose yourself.

"....uhhhh...are ya alright?" Applejack was confused by your reaction

"...u..uhh......ugnn...m....."

"Anon, are ya alright?" Applebloom grew concerned too. She never seen anypony react like you do.

She was so warm. The first embrace you had was from a pony you weren't too fond of. And yet, it was so warm and cozy. You had a little trouble recovering as you had a goofy smile on your face. "I'm..I'm fine. Just uhhh… Haha. Thought of something funny. Haha"

Applebloom and Applejack were confused deeply from your reaction. "Wow...Granny Smith was right. Yer actin' really strange. Probably from hunger." Applebloom turned towards her sister "Hey Applejack! Can we have a little of that pie?"

Applejack shook her head "No can do, that there pie is for dinner. But if anon is actin' all weird from hunger...that kinda makes me wonder about his parents. Hey Anon, where's yer mother and father at?"

Oh crap. that sobers you up instantly. What do you tell them?! Do you tell them about Discord? Because eventually they'd learn about it. Maybe it's best to tell them you're adopted for now. But not mention who adopted you.

You immediately put on a mopey face. If you were indeed gonna play the lost abandoned little pone. You might as well act like it. "Well… I don't have one… Sorta. I have a dad now..."

You look down, but raise your eyes to look at their faces. You can see Applebloom suddenly come to a horrific realization while Applejack seemed to be entering some maternal mode.

Applejack inched closer to you, her voice becoming sad and somber. "Anon… Ya don't mean..."

You tried to make your voice squeakier and sad. You forced it, but couldn't get tears out. "Y-yeah… I'm an orphan..."

And with that both Applebloom and Applejack suddenly hug onto you. Welp, This was as close to girls you figured you we're going to get. And now you not only had their favor. But you were sure Applebloom and Applejack would back off about the cutie mark business.

"Ahm sorry Anon. I hope I didn't upset you" Applejack said, a tear rolling down her eye as she thought of her own parents.

"I-it's fine… You guys are really nice. If I were to have sisters, you two would be it."

"Ahh Anon. If ya ever need a pony to talk to, ya come see me whenever, alright?" Applebloom said.

"Same here Anon, yer always welcome here at Sweet Apple Acres. If ya ever want to talk. We'll be here" Applejack added.

Well well… That was easy. It's not like you completely lied. But not only should they lay off, knowing how "sensitive" you now are.

"Thanks girls, you're all really nice. But.." You now could feel a small pain enveloping your stomach. "Do you mind if I get a small bite to eat. I'm kind of hungry."

Applejack wiped a tear from her eye and nodded. "Sure thing Anon, I'll whip ya up something quick,delicious, and nutritious."

While Applejack went to make something for you. Applebloom backed up and looked at you with saddened eyes "Ya got somethin' to eat at home too, right Anon?"

Did you? Did Discord even know you had to eat food? Hopefully he did. You gave a careful nod. "I think I do. My new Dad hasn't shown me my new home yet. But I think there's food there."

"Ya think? Anon..uhmm..well..first of all, who's your dad? Ah can't think of anypony in Ponyville who was adopting. Can you Applejack?"

Applejack shook her head as she started getting ingredients for some sort of sandwich. One being, of course, apples. "Can't say I heard of anypony looking to adopt, I'm interested in who yer new dad is too to be honest"

...Oh joy, they wanna know. What do you tell them? Because the moment you say Discord. a shitstorm is going to start. What were you going to do?

Lie of course. The only pony you could think of who'd probably see this as a positive is Fluttershy and possibly Pinkie Pie. The rest would see this as an awful idea… especially if they delved further into the truth of dimensional shenanigans.

"Well, I… actually haven't met him yet. That's why I kinda got lost. It's my first time he-"

"Hold on a second, are ya telling us you traveled all the way from wherever ya from to Ponyville all by your lonesome and this dad of yours didn't even have the decency to go get you himself?" Applejack seemed awfully upset by your remark. Time to....lie some more.

"W-well uhh....You know, kind of how my orphanage works. They uhhmmnn… Give you the bits to travel to your home and your new family picks you up. I guess I sorta couldn't find the pickup point. Ahaha.."

"And...where exactly is the orphanage you're from at?" Applejack inquired.

You never seen Phillydelphia...but if it was anything like Philadelphia… "Phillydelphia..?"

Both of the sisters let out a "oooooooooohhhhh...that kind of makes sense" ...Oh good lord. You were right. How bad that place actually is. You'd rather never find out. Time to finish this up.

"Yeah so ummm..I guess I should go to the...umn..train station...haha..wherever that is. After a bite to eat. Don't wanna keep him waiting."

They both nodded in agreeance as Applejack turned to her younger sister "Applebloom, ya don't mind escorting Anon to the train station do ya?"

Applebloom shook her head "Nope, I'd be happy to show him, it'll be fun, right Anon?"

Right Anon? Wait..escort?! Oh geez… This was turning out to be against your favor. If you and her got there and there was no father… or worse. Then questions would be raised. "No no, it'll be fine. I can get there by myself."

Applebloom looked to you "But Anon, do you even know where the train station is at?"

...No… you didn't. "Sorta yeah. It'll be fine, I promise."

"Ok. But… what about that tour?"

"Tomorrow...I just kind of want to get the lay of the land on my own first before I get overwhelmed with all this new information." Applebloom frowned, she reeeeeeeeallly wanted to show you around today.

"But but, don't y-" Suddenly she gets cut off by Applejack as she puts down a plate of rather delicious apple sandwiches with a glass of milk to the side.

"Now Applebloom, don't go overloading the poor colt just because you want yer cutie mark. There is always tomorrow, you know? Here you are, Anon. Enjoy."

You slowly walked over to your meal… How were you supposed to pick up the glass? You know in the cartoon sometimes they could lift things with their hooves rather than their mouths. Ugh, why couldn't Discord make you a unicorn?

Applejack went back to tending the pie and dinner as Applebloom watched you eat. Interested on why you were having trouble with your food.

You look over to her, feeling a little creeped out. "uhm...what are you doing?"

"Watchin' ya eat. It looks like yer havin trouble there"

Trouble?! Pleeeeeeease. You were smart. It'd only take you a mere moment to learn how to do this right. But for now you were fine with dragging the sandwich to the edge of the plate and lowering yourself to take a bite. "I'm doing fine… This is just how we eat in Phillydelphia."

Applebloom raised an eyebrow "Wow...that's pretty weird. Weirder than some of the stories ah heard about that city"

"Yeah well, that's how it goes."

"You really wanna go on that tour right? Tomorrow? Because ah could arrange me and my friends to do an even bigger and better tour if ya want, but ya gotta be ready for it tomorrow, we'll be waiting at the clubhouse." Single minded...just like in the show. And just as annoying.

"Yeah, I got it. I'll be there… Can I eat without you staring at me… please?"

Applebloom nodded "Alright...but you're definitely coming?" You nodded, trying to hide your annoyance. "You ain't going to forget?"

Your eye twitched, you passively growled "No."

Applebloom smiled, ignorant to your feelings "Ok!" She began to walk off to leave you alone, then stopped and turned to look at you "In the mornin' right?"

Your eye twitched. How many times did you have to say yes?! AND WHY WAS EATING SO HARD?! NO MATTER WHAT YOU TRY. YOU CAN'T GET YOUR HOOVES TO STICK TO THE DAMN CUP. "Yes..."

Before finally leaving. She sat on her butt on the ground. Giving you a deep stare as she slowly brought her hooves together half way and gave them a slight turn in opposite directions. Then gave you a happy wave and walked off. The hell did that mean?

You looked at the cup… You tried the motion on the cup. You managed to lift it with ease. "....oh..."

With that, you finish your meal and bid a farewell to the Apple family, or to the ones who were present. You now made your exit and made your way towards the train station… Or at least the way you'd think it'd be given the layout of the town in the show. You just hoped Discord would show up before you got there. You didn't want to sit alone in an unfamiliar place.

"ok Anon. You gotta remember. You're from Phillydelphia now. gotta remember that," Suddenly, you hear a familiar voice in your head.

"Really now Anon. The idea was to befriend Applejack’s little sister. Now you've gone and made a mess. And what's worse, you told a bunch of naughty lies."

Ahhh crap… He was watching the whole time. You kept your pace, and started talking to the air.
"I didn't really expect to end up at the farm. Besides, could you imagine the chaos there'd be if they found out the truth?"

"Oh it wouldn't be that bad. an argument here, a rant there. I'm quite used to it by now. Though, you now gave me a great cover story to tell Twilight when I present you to her."

"Well that’s good I gues-… Wait…" Present? "What do you mean by that?"

"Haha, well you see. I just can't have a colt by my side without there being a commotion. If I bring you to my very good friend and princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle. Then everything else will move rather smoothly. Or… Things could go sour. Though, I do admit I also want to see her bust a few brain cells trying to rationalize my actions in the first place. You may have seen it from your little television screen, but seeing her have a breakdown in person Anon, it's absolutely hilarious. You'll have fun. Promise"

You actually gave it some thought. "So, you aren't going to tell her you plucked me from another universe?"

"Heavens no, that would just raise far too many questions that I simply don't have the time to answer. Her ridiculous reaction at just the idea of adoption shall suffice."

You chuckled a little. It sounds like you'd be in the clear. And you kind of wanted to see Twilight freak out. No, you just really wanted to see it. She's been on that pedestal of idolism a little too long. "I'm actually liking this. So what do I have to do?”

"Hehehe, Anon. That makes me so~ proud of you. I knew you had some of ole "chaotic spirit" in you. It's practically in your blood. What with all those wars humans have had."

You stop. Has he been reading up on..

"You know about all of that? How much of my world do you know about?"

"Oh not all that much. Just enough to get by and pick up some new tricks. A human's brand of actual chaos isn't much fun to me. So I decided only to memorize the more amusing bits. Like so.." Suddenly, you're puffed up like a balloon and begin to float upwards into the sky as you freak out and start shaking your now tiny legs. You have trouble getting out actual words.

"MMHHHMMMM!!! MMM!!!MM!!!" As you floated up to the sky, mumbling for dear life.

Discord appears next to you, keeping up with your raising height as he continues "Old cartoons from your world has so many fun new bits for me to try!"

You continue your muffled screaming as you raise higher and higher into the sky. Discord laughs at you "See, aren't we having fun? ahhh, but alas. Being the responsible father that I am. I need to get you situated in your new home. Sorry to burst your bubble on your fun but..." Discord took out a needle and flashed it to you.

You shook your head. What the hell was he thinking?! Discord snickered for just a moment as he stabbed you. Making you burst. Suddenly you found yourself screaming back in your normal voice as you spun in darkness. Only to fall on your face on some hard wood.

...You were really getting sick of that.

You shake your head, and try to calm yourself as you realize you are someplace new. It seemed to be some kind of house. seemed a little familiar. But..outside the windows it was dark… eerie… and weird.

.....You were in Discord's house.

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