• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 124

Chrysalis nodded "Of course I've got it. It's easy to comprehend."

"Right, course. So...I'm just going to get back to my homework then."
You were still skeptical. But just leave it be. Accept her friendship, and move on.
"..but if there's anything more you want to talk about. Well, just let me finish and we'll talk. I'm almost done anyway."

You get re-setup to finish up your homework, and before putting the pencil in your mouth to resume. You noticed Chrysalis hadn't replied or said anything.
"Um, nothing else to say?"

Chrysalis stretched, leaned back down, and went back to organizing the cards. "No, Like you said. I'll save it until you're done. Though, I will check over your work. For accuracy purposes of course."

"Oh, um. Ok. Then I'm just going to finish up then."
Ok then, she was actually respecting your actions. Good. Yeah.

You went back to writing. you were just about done, you thought about adding something about what happened in Canterlot. But that may have been too much. Instead, you write out your final thoughts on the second page.

Your final thoughts? Yeah, you kept it simple yet, for a pony anyway, thought provoking. That you still think changelings could live side by side with ponies if certain conditions are met. As you had time to sit down and think about when Chrysalis was sucking your love from you. You started to think deeply that she wasn't lying when she said it was temporary. Shining Armor did seem to be alright. Would it be bad if they just had rationed times to eat should they live among ponies? hmmm..it didn't seem fair since ponies would be able to eat whatever they want. Maybe you shouldn't write this down. No, instead you'll just write out a more simple "And that's my report" Sort of thing. Better to play it safe.
"Done! Haha,"
As you look over your words, your paper glows a green color as it flies off the lunchbox and to the front of Chrysalis's eyes. Well damn, she didn't even let you look it over for errors.

You just stared silently as she mumbled and read through the paper. As she read, you could see a smile forming on her face, then she started giggling. That was weird

"What's the matter? I don't remember writing any jokes in the report. Everything should be accurate to what you said."

Chrysalis didn't answer at first, she had to stop herself from laughing. It made you wonder what the fuck you wrote to gauge such a reaction.
"Anon..this...this report. There is nothing childlike about it. Do you realize how suspicious this looks? There's no whimsy, there's no cute, there's barely any errors and very large words. And then that ending comes out of nowhere as to sounding humble and childish. Who are you trying to fool? Your teacher will see this and either suspect you copied this from somewhere or wonder if you had actually been talking to a changeling."

you sighed.
"I don't know if you realize, but it's already kind of known that i'm pretty smart for my "age". She'll probably just think I did some pretty good research."

"And indeed you did, straight from the queen of the changeling's mouth. Do you really think nopony is going to raise an eyebrow at this?"

"I'm sure my one teacher who will actually be the one reading it might. She'll pull me aside after class, ask about it, I'll tell her some bullcrap. She'll have no way to tell if i'm lying, and that will be that. It's pretty much how I've handled things so far."

Chrysalis floats the report back to you "If you say so. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'm just trying to be your friend after all."

You were confident things would be fine. You gently slip the report into your saddlebag. Putting it into your lunchbox first. As silly as it seems, You lacked a folder or such thing to keep the paper straight.
"It'll be fine. So, what did you think of the report itself? Everything good"

"It's perfect, which is why I suspect that things might not turn out well for you. Are you sure you won't take my advice?"

"I'm sure, I think I got a handle on how things work in Equestria. It'll be no problem."

You were absolutely sure. As long as your secret wasn't spoiled, nobody would suspect a thing.

"Hmnnn..We'll see" Chrysalis doesn't remark further as she puts the cards back into the tin. Perfectly organized. "Well then, that takes care of that. And now I'm bored. So I have two choices."

"What is that?"

"I could either try to strip you of your love to try to excavate some dessert, or we can have a talk about something interesting. Something that I'd actually like to talk about, since you won't be biased...I'd hope."

.....hrrrrrrrrrnn, Well, knowing her, she was probably serious about the former. So really, you'd take the latter.

"Well, uh. What would you like to talk about?"

Chrysalis puts the tin into your drawer as she hops up to the end of your bed and lays on her belly, turning her head to you "I'd like to talk to you about ways of conquering Equestria, theoretically of course. You seemed to know a lot about it. Considering you taunted my own plans and thought up improvements to it."

Well, did you really want to do that? ugh, you told her you wouldn't be biased. But that conversation just leans all over the place to being evil. No neutrality to it.

"uh, can't we talk about something else?"

"It's either that or I feed on you, what do you think?"

"geez, you do realize friends don't threaten each other like that right?"

"But we aren't normal friends. And I know that the loss of feeling and weakness you'd feel is temporary. So I'm not worried about hurting you. Which is different from destroying you, which that outcome would leave you in a crater. If I could destroy you, that is."

Right, it's more the fact that she doesn't understand what it really means to be a friend. Despite her being able to dish out basic friendship lessons. Friendship to her was obviously whatever was the most convenient for her. For now, you'd comply.

"Alright, let's talk schemes and plans." You took a stretch,and then began to wrap yourself around your blanket. Making a sort of butt cocoon. It was comfy and helped make you feel a little better from being sick. You pulled up your pillow to place your head on as you face Chrysalis, comfy as fuck.
"So what in particular do you want to talk about?"

Chrysalis's horn glows as you feel the blanket pull up on you a little more. More than what you could get it up to with just your hooves. It made you feel even more comfy. "Is that better?"

Huh...Why did she do that?
"...uh...yeah. Why did you do that?"

"Do you have to question everything? If you think it's to squeeze some love out of you then you can forget it. I merely feel pity, just a little, that you need to suffer an illness for no reason."

Pity? Anon, you gotta relax. It's probably just best to try not to figure anything out about her behavior at all. It would be smarter just to just proceed and adapt. If you keep questioning her, you'll probably just end up annoying her. Nobody likes to be continually questioned. Not even villains.

"Thank you Chrysalis...or. Can I call you Chryssi?"

"What? Discord calls me that and I don't like it. So why would you ask that?"

"I don't mean as an insult though. I have a friend that thinks nicknames are pretty keen. So I thought it'd be nice if we give each other nicknames. That way, things are more loose. You know, there's a lot less tension if we give each other nicknames. Don't you think?"

Chrysalis didn't understand. "But those aren't our actual names. So why would we identify with them?"

heh, it seemed she didn't actually understand the point of a nickname.

"Because it means that we trust each other enough to call each other by names we give each other. So if you don't like Chryssi, then how about.......Amour? I know it means somebody's love or something. But it also sounds like a name to me."

Chrysalis still thought it was silly, why bother with nicknames unless it was some covert operation?"Amour? hmmnnn, well if you insist. But, I want to call you Panic. How does that sound?"

What? why?
"Uhhh, that's not even really a name. That's more of a state of being"

"But it fits you perfectly" Chrysalis smiles at you, with her smile sprinkled with smug. "You're always reacting to something, what's better than Panic?"

"It's just I don't think it's a good name."
And you didn't want to be associated with when you do panic.

"Then I say we drop the nicknames altogether, I didn't want to be called amore anyway. It makes me sound like I actually care about "nice" things."

Well, that went nowhere. It seems perhaps it's too early for nicknames. Well, then...
"Alright alright, I guess we should come up with nicknames when we get to know eachother better. Anyway, plotting and scheming. What about it?"

"Simple...I want to know what you'd do to try to take over Equestria. You always did seem to act like you'd do better than I could. So, let's hear it. What's your grand master plan?"

Grand master plan. Cripes, You wondered if she'd even understand it. Because it's not hard to figure out a way to conquer the world, especially if your horn was powerful enough to pull shit from your old world. Provided it actually could.

You look to Chrysalis, your expression was one of giving another caution.

Whether it's because you're human or the fact that Earth had a bunch of real monstrous people with terrible ways of subjugating others. You had one plan in your head that went to the edge. It was pretty dark.
"Are you sure you want to know?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know. So tell me, I want to know how you measure up."

Chrysalis was sure it was going to be something she could easily pick apart like you picked apart her plans. Though, she was ready to be impressed if by some way, you were able to impress her.

"Alright, well. First I'd use my magical horn to bring in some things from my world."

And right at the get go, Chrysalis is actually intrigued. She wondered what you could bring back from your world that would be useful. "Pulling things from your world? I thought you had no care for that place."

"I don't, but it has something that would instantly help me conquer the world. And that would be a couple of nukes."

Yup, ultimate edge

Chrysalis had no idea what a "nuke" was
"A nuke? What is that? It doesn't sound very useful."

"It is for what I need it for. See, since my horn only works once per day. I'd need some other means to do some untold damage. So, I'd teleport two nukes and place them where they wouldn't be noticed. One under Canterlot Castle. The other under the Crystal Empire."

"Untold damage?" Chrysalis didn't think these "nukes" could do as much damage as say, Discord or Tirek. Or herself on a good day. "It can't possibly be too bad,"

"Let me finish...so anyway, I'd set them to blow up on the next day. I'd try to get Discord to go to Canterlot so he could be at the epicenter of the blast. The blast itself would defy anything you ever knew. Ponyville, The empire, and Canterlot. All gone in an explosion so powerful that everypony else in the world would feel it. All reduced to a huge set of craters. All four princesses gone in an instant. And anypony who would survive wouldn't for long from the radiation poisoning that would follow..."

Chrysalis had to stop you. You thought she may have thought you were exaggerating. But instead, that worried her. "Are you telling me humans have weapons powerful enough to reduce that much into rubble with just two bombs?"

You nod
"Yeah, pretty devious huh? I could announce my emperorship after the blasts using my horn. And bam, everypony would submit to my might and bend to my will, or else I'd just set off another bomb. Not a nuke though, can't set too many off. Could make things harder to clean up."
you threw up your forelegs as you shook your head with a cocky smirk.
"It's super easy, and nopony would even see it coming. buuuut...."
You sigh, and relax yourself from your venomous thoughts.
"I would never ever actually do it. But, talking about it? I was always kind of curious what a villain would think of it if I ever got to talk to one. And you being a villain in the eyes of ponies, well, I want to hear what you think."

"I don't like it." Chrysalis said, She said it with a stern tone. She did not like it one bit.

And that surprised you
"What? Why? It's an unbeatable plan."

"I can tell, but let me ask you this. How much do you know of Tirek?"

Tirek, you knew enough that he was a gigantic dick that blew shit up. "Enough, why? Do you actually know him?"

Chrysalis nodded "I do, a long time ago he sought my changelings to forge an army. But I refused."

Oh shit, really?
"So, you knew him from when Celestia and Luna beat him? Why did you refuse him..wait...let me guess, you didn't want to share Equestria right?"

Chrysalis actually didn't mean that she didn't want to share....though..she didn't. "Well..yes...I wouldn't join him for that too. But, the MAIN reason I didn't join him is because he's destructive. He has no real ambition to actually rule anything. He just wants to torment, conquer, and destroy. If he won, we changelings would have died out from lack of food because everypony would either be gone, or in despair. It's the same reason I don't like your plan. Not only does it not sound fully thought out. But whatever this "radiation" poison is, if it's spreadable through a blast that size. I'd think it would cover all of Equestria and then EVERYTHING would perish."

You actually had no idea what kind of damage a nuke could truly do. But you were sure two nukes wouldn't do that much..right?
"Well...I mean...I could just summon up a ton of bombs and firebomb everything or something."

"Do humans even have enough of those kinds of bombs?"

You nod
"Humans have all kinds of weapons Chrysalis. We have these sticks that shoot metal at such a speed, it'd go through a pony one way and out the other. or a closer range one that would make their entire top half explode to chunks."

Chrysalis was now entering the realm of disbelief. These weapons sounded more powerful than most magic. "Are these mythical weapons hard to come by? They sound like they could topple the entire world."

You shake your head
"Opposite, anypony could get them. Humans, Chrysalis, we don't do what your types do. We destroy and obliterate others. Sometimes by the tens, sometimes the hundreds, thousands, and even beyond. Sometimes for stupid reasons, like oil. Humans are destructive, as is our weapons. We could fly using special machines that could move faster than pegasi. And could lay waste to entire fields. We have weapons equivalent to a dragon's breath that we can wield, that burns anything into a puddle. "

"Beyond thousands?" Chrysalis went silent, she seemed unsettled, she looked at you, she wanted to know one thing "Are you just trying to terrify me again?"

You shook your head.
"Nope, i'm being serious. Why, does it scare you? You're the one who wanted to talk about schemes and plans."

You give her a little bit of an evil smirk. If you scared her, then good. You wanted to at least rise up on top of her at one point.

"Scared? hardly" But she still looked unsettled "It's just that, from what you told me, humans are actually ruthless creatures. Who seem to be constantly at war. And I can't make any sense of it because you are a pitiful being. I would have never thought you came from such a horrible warrior race. No wonder you don't miss it, you probably would have been destroyed the instant you went into battle."

ugh, dammit. Now she's just trashing you from a human angle.
"ugh, no. The reason I don't miss it is because it just sucks living there. Sucks the love right out of you, and you will never get it back. I like living here because everypony is nice and friendly..."
You look straight into Chrysalis's eyes
"...most everypony anyway. Anyway, still. It's a plan that would undeniably work. You have to admit that at least."

"...If your weapons are as strong as you say. Still, I'll admit this. I wasn't expecting that kind of vicious and conniving way of thought coming from you, Anon. It might be a little overdoing it, but. As your friend, I can respect it due to how absolutely ruthless it is, especially when you compare it to others. I don't even think Luna, when she was Nightmare Moon, could compare."

oh..really? REALLY?! YES!
Well, you felt your confidence coming back.
"Well, humans aren't as black and white as ponies in that sense."
You smirk, feeling well accomplished in your evil thoughts.
"We can think the cruelest things imaginable and still be good guys. And we have the tools. If you knew the kinds of things humans have really done. I bet even your stomach would churn"

"I'd like to know an example. I don't want you hanging on to the assumption that I have a weak stomach"

"I dunno, you might not like it."

Chrysalis chuckled at that, she found it humorous that in her eyes, you were protecting her from something possibly grotesque. "Anon, Anon. I am the Queen of the Changelings. I'm sure whatever you have to say, I can handle it."

...oh boy, she asked for it.
"Well, then....imagine being tied to a chair. Now, this human that has you tied is really sick. gets off on the sickest kinds of torture. Imagine the first thing he decides to do is smack you around, hit you a few times with a club, just to get you tenderized. Then, he starts cutting off your hair...or mane in this case. Paying no care if he accidentally stabs or nicks you. Once he's done, he shows you your new look on a mirror. Laughing at your humiliation..."

"Sounds like the usual so far, no different from any other cruelty I've heard of."

"Just wait, just wait. Anyway, after he's done with that. He decides to get sharp, rusty pins. And start sticking them in your most sensitive areas. right through your hooves, your butt, even the genitals. He doesn't care."

Chrysalis cringes "...ok, that's a little much. What's even the point of that? To get information?"

You give her a dark look "For fun"

"And if you think that's bad. Do you want to know what we do to bugs?" You decide to add

"...am I going to regret saying yes?" Chrysalis was morbidly curious, but she's never heard of this much cruelty before. She could be cruel, but it was for the purpose of either food gathering or just mocking her enemies.

"Maybe, how do you feel about them being burned alive under a microscope or having their feelers slowly torn off. Or being sprayed with a compound that melts them outside in."

"...for fun?" Chrysalis did NOT like that at all

You nod "For fun, or just when we think they are annoying. But you'll learn more when we watch that documentary"

Chrysalis couldn't believe these words had come out of your mouth. She began to wonder if you were actually going to do these things. and your bumbling was just an act. "..I...suppose. Anon, here's a question for you. Are you actually planning on doing any of this? or are you just telling me all this because that's the topic of our conversation. Because that's all just... Well, I've lived a long time. And I've not heard of such cruelty. The closest I've heard is of Sombra's rule over the crystal ponies...and even that is tame compared to that."

"Just talking, I have no intention betraying my friends..."

Chrysalis let out a slightly audible sigh of relief, one you caught. Was she worried?

"Is that a note of relief I heard?" You chuckle
"Were you afraid I was some evil mastermind working Discord over until i could get the power I need to destroy Equestria?"

"No, I can still sense your emotions you know. I was just making sure my senses weren't betraying me. But, good work. I no longer want to have this conversation because there's nothing more to discuss." She claps with her hooves, not even sarcastically. She was both impressed, and creeped out. She just didn't admit it. "you clearly have a mind for evil. But, I hope you know that if you ever actually tried anything. I'd be the one to destroy you."

"Isn't that what a good guy would do?"

Chrysalis shakes her head "You misunderstand. I'd wait until you summon up your bombs. Sneak up, destroy you, and then use your plan to subjugate everypony. Without actually setting them off. I do want princesses under my control."

"Ahhhh, but you do realize you have to be careful with those bombs right? They are super powerful. Also, since I know you'd try to destroy me. I'd have to destroy you first."

"Ha! As if! I'd destroy you before you destroy me!"

"My horn trumps yours"

You both started to stare eachother down.

"you're too soft to use it to destroy me. I don't think you'd be able to handle your own work." Chrysalis challenges

"I could just make you my slave then!"

"I think you'd be my slave before I became yours, you're simply too easy"

"My horn trumps your glowy eyes!"

Chrysalis growls "You can't just use your horn for everything you know. And given the hypothetical, you wouldn't see me coming and then i would DESTROY you."

You stick your tongue out at her then snicker
"except I can use these hypotheticals from a previous conversation we had to know you'd try to overthrow me and then i'd just destroy you. And then make all your children my slaves. Bam! Human trumps bug!"

"If that's the case then I could simply sneak up on you before you can do anything because I already knew about the hypothetical. And then crush you beneath my hooves before you saw it coming"

"Then I would know about that and then sneak up on you, and whammo! Magic Blast to the face!"

"Then I would know that you'd be sneaking up on me, so instead I'd be waiting for you. And then you'd be no more once my hive converges on you from all directions!"

"Well, not if I knew beforehand that they would be doing that! And since I do know. That means I could attack you from afar! a satellite strike!"

"Satellite strike? I don't even know what that is. And even then....." A thought occurred to Chrysalis as she thought up her next attack "...We'll be doing this forever. We're at a hypothetical stalemate, Anon."

"It seems we are, it...seems..we...are"

You both stare at each other. Silently for a moment or two.

Then Chrysalis smiles at you "I like you Anon. Enough that if I ever do manage to escape from here with my children and recontinue our efforts of conquering Equestria. I think I'd actually offer you a place in my hive."

That actually makes you smile, because it seemed like some sort of progress to you. Even if she was statingthe fact that she'd be conquering the world for that to happen.

"You know, if I ever become evil for some reason. Eh, sure why not. I wouldn't mind partnering up with another villain and trying my hoof at doing bad things. Of course, it'd never happen. Discord wouldn't let it"

"You'd let him influence your choice? Sad, I think you'd make an excellent partner of sorts. With some proper training and making sure you understand the consequences of your schemes. I don't think having craters the size of mountains would do any of us any good."

No, that's not really it. Even with Discord being against it, while probably internally for it, you couldn't bring yourself to actually hurt any innocent pony. They are just too cute.
"No, it's just not in me. I can think up being as evil as possible. But, I don't want to be evil. There's too many good ponies in this world. And my friends, well. I don't think I could handle the guilt of hurting them"

Chrysalis sighed, that was disappointing to hear. She had thought that maybe there was a side of you that would be willing to help her. Even help her escape. But she knew she couldn't tempt you, she could feel it in you. The only way she could is if she could fully bring you under her control. And at this time, she couldn’t manage it. She really had grown a little respect for you. "Well, I suppose playing the part of "happy little" colt would get you settled into such a pointless idea. You're not tired at all from acting all good and nice? It doesn't get sickening? I would think that somewhere in your mind that it would torture you having to restart your life from such a young age. I know it'd drive me insane if I had to be a normal pony child."

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