• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,281 Views, 2,759 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 203 - Twilight Week Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Rainbow Dash flies.
Anon is scared of heights.
And Diamond Tiara gets mad.

Rainbow Dash wastes no time darting right at you, planting her back hooves onto the ground as she tries to crush you with her forelegs. But something was off, of course it was, her stomp was actually kind of slow. Giving you plenty of time to jump back as the crowd oohs and ahhs.

"Ha! Too slow, take this!" You jump back in, jumping upwards to try to "punch" Rainbow Dash in the face. She just takes a step back, the human like action doesn't allow yourself to catch yourself like the shoryuken would. You immediately fall on your face and slide forward under her.

"What was that? Are you gonna fight like a pony or.....whatever that was?" Rainbow Dash taunts

The crowd gasped. But you weren't out yet. You try flipping on your back and slamming Rainbow Dash on the belly. But it only makes her giggle and step to the side. "Hey! hehe, that tic...I mean..Ohhhh, that was a good hit. But not good enough!" Rainbow Dash bucked at you, her hooves narrowly missing your face.

But you were just getting into the flow of things. You had to make the fight "even". So you jump backward, holding your face. "Ohhhhh, my face!" You fall backwards, and quickly get back up. Rubbing on your face as if you'd been hit. The only mark on it being from when you fell face first. "Good shot, but like you would say, it's not good enough. I hope you're ready for my super flurry rush! HYAAAHH!"

Rainbow Dash just smirked and rushed you as you rushed her. Both of you letting out a flurry of kicks and hits that....never actually hit anything. You both then bump your back hooves together, jump forward, and turn to face each other. Rainbow Dash then starts panting....it sounded pretty fake. "Give up yet?"

....Oh right..woah wait...ok, now you start panting. "No..you?!"

"Uh uh...hehehe" Rainbow Dash snickered as she flew up in the air. "Time to get serious" Ok, she was gonna be pulling out the good stuff now. Time to get sparkly.

"Come on Anon, let her have it with your magic!" Snips lets out.

"Hurrah for Anon" Screams the crowd.

You look towards Scootaloo, she was pretty excited despite knowing the match was fake...huh..maybe there was something to wrestling back on earth. "We'll see about that Krusty butt! Shwwwiinnggg baby!"

You slide your padded hoof across your horn. Making it sparkle, the crowd let out a cheer for this. Not knowing the truth. "Take this! BLASTER BARRAGE!"

Nerdy yes, but you had to make callouts so Pinkie and Spike knew when to do their job. In a near instant, the entire area lit up in a flash as rockets began to fly up towards Rainbow Dash, seemingly from nowhere. Rainbow Dash spots them immediately, she managed to dodge a few of them with her quick reflexes. There was only one she had to deflect. But goddamn, was it..OH SHIT!

You jumped out of the way as the rocket she deflected heads towards you. D-did she do that on purpose?! "Anon! are you alright?!" She calls out, noticeably worried

You get up, dust yourself off and look towards her. "Better than you"

The crowd cheers, Rainbow Dash herself goes from worried back to cocky "Good, because I'm not done yet"

"We'll see about that! GO FIREBALLS!" You yell

Suddenly, fireballs start coming from everywhere, with their heading pointed right at Rainbow Dash. It was quite the display. catching the eye of all who witnessed it. Rainbow Dash however easily manages to fly straight up, dodging the barrage. She then heads back down, darting right at you "Time for a real bomb!"

Holy crap, what was she doing?! You turn around to run for dear life as Rainbow Dash dives right at you and picks you up. The crowd gasps in terror as you scream for dear life as Rainbow Dash zooms high high up into the air with you in tow.

"IJREGFJFKRAINBOWDASHTOOHIGHTOOHIGHTFKDS" You were squirming like nuts in Rainbow Dash's grasp.

"Anon..Anon relax! Geez!"

Relax?..what? You look around...oh..hey..you WERE up in the sky. Hey, that's pretty cool.
Then you look down, and feel dread...oh god..thats a drop. You immediately hug onto Rainbow Dash as you shake and shiver.

"Don't let me fall! What are you even doing?! Geez, this is too much! Let me doooown!" Ypu scream in fright

"Stop whining Anon, and hold still. If I screw this up then you might really get hurt."

"G-get hurt?! What are you even going to do?!"

"I'm going to slam you into the ground of course, but not really. Then we fight a little more. And then Tank comes in and scares the horseshoes out of everypony in the crowd. Then we take him down together and...well..you know the rest. You ready?"

You gulp hard..nonononono. "W-wait, a-atleast let me get used to the h-h-height first."

"No time! Here we go, ready or not!" Rainbow Dash starts dropping down at incredible speeds. HOLLLYY SHIIIITTT

You close your eyes as you latch on tight. But goddammit, now she started to spin as she hurtled to the ground. You felt like you were going to hurl. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash comes to a dead stop. Using her wings to slam the ground with air to create a huge wall of dust.
She then drops you gently onto the ground. While rolling her eyes. "Crybaby"

The crowd was now terrified, afraid you had been hurt as Rainbow Dash just hovers over the dust cloud.

"Grrrr, That was a cheap shot! You're no real hero! Anon...come on Anon! Get up and show her what a real hero is made of!" Snips calls out

"I dunno Snips, I think this fight is pretty fair. Anon has magic, Rainbow Dash can fly. I just find it weird that Anon didn't teleport away.....Gee, I hope he's ok" Snails was actually making some pretty astute observations.

"He has to be ok! If he loses to a girl then....ohhh" Snips quivers at the thought "That's just bad. But he'd never lose to one. If he did, then it would all be some cheap trick she probably would use. Easily explained like anything else"

You coughed as you stood up. Holy crap, you weren't hurt at all. But you could barely see a thing.
You had to wipe your eyes and then keep them closed for a little bit until they could adjust.
As you open your eyes, the dust clears, and there you stood, heroically in front of everyone. Cheering coming from the crowd again. A cheer greater than ever from your apparent feat of surviving Dash's bomb.

"Wow, you're pretty tough Anon. But I hope you know, it's bedtime for you, right now!" Rainbow Dash taunts

"Bring it on Rainbow Crash!" You cry out

Rainbow Dash lands and starts running towards you, you just rush towards her, both of you letting out a battle cry. Until...suddenly...

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP" Let out a girlish shrill from among the crowd.

Both you and Rainbow Dash come to a dead stop. You however, knew exactly whose voice that was, making your eyes go wide as you let out a silent whiny little. "...Oh no"

"Step aside, move out of the way! We're coming through" Said another familiar female voice of the filly variety.

".....Oh no..." You turn around, and coming out of the crowd was...Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. "........Oh no...."

"See? I told you he was getting into a fight with one of Princess Twilight's friends" Silver Spoon points to you

.........w-wut?

"ANON!" Diamond Tiara growls angrily as she steps up to you "WHAT IN THE HAY ARE YOU DOING?!"

W-WHAT?! You gulp as your ears droop, you step backwards as she steps up close to you. Angry as a hornet. "D-diamond? W-what are you doing here?"

"What do you think?! I have to come here, interrupting my last night with mother before she leaves, to get you to stop doing something stupid..honestly, attacking one of the Princess's friends?! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!"

Diamond Tiara was near bursting with anger as you sit on your rump. Holy shit she was scary. "B-but..this is..you know..between me and her."

"Really?! REALLY?! YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT?! OHHHHH" Diamond Tiara was now red in the face with anger

"Relax, it's alright. It's alright!" Silver spoon started to get a little scared herself as she gave her friend a pat on the back with a small rub to try to get her to calm down. "We got here just in time, right?"

The crowd seemed confused as fuck now. they were murmuring to themselves.

"....mnnngrr" Diamond Tiara growled "Right....Silver Spoon, please explain to Anon why what he is doing is bad while I go apologize to Miss Rainbow Dash"

Diamond Tiara gave you one hell of a mean look before putting on a pleasant smile for Rainbow Dash. You take a quick glance at Rainbow Dash, who was trying to hold in her giddy giggling.....that slut...

"Anon, do you realize what you're even doing?" Silver Spoon says to you as she adjusts her glasses, her expression stern, like that of a harsh teacher.

"Silver Spoon, look. I was just..."

"Hush, wow Anon. Just wow. You know you're totally Diamond Tiara's future prince and already you're making an act of war against an acting Princess. What do you have to say for yourself Anon, hmm?" Silver Spoon moves closer to you as she eyes you with a single eye, raising her eyebrow.

"S-Silver Spoon.." Shit shit shit, you could already see the crowd whispering, snickering, Snips and Snails seemed to be getting pretty angry. "I I was just.."

You shift eyes to Diamond Tiara, who seemed to be having a hearty little chuckle with Rainbow Dash.....oh god. "Yeah, no Anon...just no. I shouldn't have to explain this to you. Diamond Tiara shouldn't be wasting her time fixing things for you, this shouldn't have happened at all. You're soooooo lucky you're her special somepony or else this would be really really bad for you."

Funny....this already felt worse than what it could be if you WEREN'T her boyfriend. Oh god...

"Hey! Get away from him!" Snips rushed over, Snails following. "There's still a fight goi-GAH!"

Suddenly Diamond Tiara zipped right into his face. "Hey! You better not be yelling at my friend! and YOU BETTER NOT BE EGGING MY ANON TO KEEP ON FIGHTING!"

Snips and Snails suddenly backed down, shivering. "B-but, there's still a fight that needs to go on..y'know? To prove who's the best?"

"Puh" Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes "It's obvious their both the best in their own ways. They both know princesses after all. Just like I now know Princess Luna, making me the best too. So that automatically solves that problem. So...fight's over. Get it?" Diamond Tiara was a fucking demon, the expression she gave them was beyond dark. Her tone....it was like being stabbed.

They both gulp "G-got it"

"Good...Silver Spoon, I think I can get it from here." Diamond Tiara steps up to you, still visibly angry.

Silver Spoon nods "Of course, He's ready to listen too...Right Anon?"

You gulp again, shivering, you try to hold your legs still, but can't. This wasn't just scary...but hugely humiliating. "...R-right"

Silver Spoon nods with a smile, and steps aside for Diamond Tiara. Diamond Tiara eyes you up and down for a moment, she blushes just a little from being near you, but her more angered senses were still on top. "So Anon, you are aware I won't have you fighting friends and acquaintances of royalty, right?"

"Diamond, it was just a.."

Diamond Tiara raised her hoof and shook it in front of you. "Shush, I don't have a lot of time and I want to make this quick. Just nod if you understand or shake your head if you want me to yell at you"

.....Dammit… You nod.

"Good, because my future prince is much better than that. It was a good thing I was here to get things settled for you. Rainbow Dash and I agreed that this whole fight you started was unnecessary and your nasty attitude in need of adjusting. Though..." Her eyes become a little softer as she rubs her hoof once under your chin "I know I don't have to teach you to behave, right?"

Oohhh, it was soft. Wait.... You shift your eyes to Rainbow Dash.....that bitch, she was playing along with this?! She looked like she was gonna bust a gut.

"Anon?" Diamond Tiara says, getting a little annoyed.

You quickly shift your eyes back to her and nod.

"Good" Diamond Tiara smiled and gave a triumphant nod. "I knew I wouldn't have to teach you that. Let's just consider this a moment of dumbness. Anyway, I need to get back home. Mother is waiting, she let me come out to make sure you didn't do anything stupid. And I'm so glad she let me....now.."

Diamond Tiara gave you a cute little kiss on the cheek, she blushed herself as she smiled dreamily at you. "See you later Anon...be good for me"

She then shifted her attention to Silver Spoon. "Let's go. I don't want to waste anymore time here."

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon make their way back through the crowd, giving Snips and Snails one more evil glare before departing. Rainbow Dash couldn't hold it anymore as she burst out laughing. What's worse, you could hear snickering from behind the bushes, the CMC were laughing too...even those of your own club was giggling.

Snips and Snails however, were in disbelief that this could happen. Then..the club members started to take off their necklaces, most tossing theirs to the ground and going home, some of the others walking up to Scootaloo to see if they could join back into her club. You just sat there...silent.

Snips just blinked, as flabbergasted as you are. "W-what just happened...?"

You....don't even know. You just stood there stunned. Hell, you didn't even notice the snake like dragon with a propeller on its head fly by, diving in and scaring Snips and Snails away. You ignored them as they cried for their mothers.

Nope....you didn't care...you were lost… What the fuck...just happened…? Rainbow Dash walked over to you, laughing her ass off. "Oh gosh Anon, that was too good. That's probably the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. And the best part is that it fixed everything! Isn't that great?"

.....you just fall over onto your back, looking straight up into the sky. "..........."

"Anon....oh come on, you have to admit that was pretty funny..right?" Rainbow Dash gave you a gentle tap.

You didn't think you'd care that much. But you did, you were made to look the fool. A laughing stock. Spike and Pinkie Pie popped out of the bush, walking up to you to have a chat with you. But you were in no mood to chat.

Spike looked up as the dragon started circling the castle. "..Rainbow Dash, that's all part of the act...right?" He was a little worried.

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash looked up and smiled. "Yeah, that's just Tank. It was the only thing I had that he could still fly around in, isn't he cut-..err..awesome looking?"

"Yeah, had me nearly fooled..but..." Spike looked down at you "Anon, you ok dude?"

"I can never show my face in school now...I just got publicly humiliated." You knew how these things go. Rumors would spread, people will talk, and you'll just be the "Whipped Colt" instead of the "Hero Colt". It was going to take forever to fix this mess.

"Oh come on Nonny! It isn't that bad. What's important is that we're all still friends and everything is the way you wanted it. Right?" Pinkie gave you a poke "Riiiiiiiight?"

You turn to the side.

"Oh come on Anon, don't be like that. So what if your marefriend came and embarrassed you? Everypony will forget eventually. Besides, you’re still the "Hero Colt". Nopony is going to forget that." Rainbow Dash says, trying to cheer you up. Feeling bad that she laughed at you.

"eggghhh..."

"You know, Rainbow Dash is right. Why don't you take a look over there Nonny" Pinkie points ahead of you. You decide to take a look to see what she was talking about.

The crowd was gone, but there was still one pony left from among them. Still wearing the horn necklace....it was Pipsqueak.

He stepped up, feeling a little timid "Are you alright sir Anon? C-can I come closer?" He...was still here?

"....I guess" You say, without enthusiasm.

"T-thank you sir, and please, let me say that it was an honor to witness your hero skills. It was bad luck on what happened, but I still feel very privileged to be in your presence"

Wut? You sit up, wondering what the fuck he was talking about. "....What do you mean?"

"Well sir, I'll never forget what you did for me on Nightmare Night. That was a very noble thing you did. You'll always be the "Hero Colt" to me. No matter what."

........Awww… You smiled just a little. "Thanks Pip...you're a good guy."

He bows "I'm honored that you think so highly of me...b-but I best be going now, I did delay my lunch time with me mum to see the fight. Take care sir"

Pip scampered off. Huh...even after all that. Even though you barely knew him. He still considered you a hero. You knew you had to end the club, and now, given everything that happened. it would seem things returned to normal. Ugh..you had to get your mind off this. Why the fuck did you care? You were already surrounded by good friends...mostly. What the fuck did you care what some shitty ass kids think?

You get up and dust yourself off, feeling renewed. Hopefully you wouldn't fall apart when the effects of Diamond Tiara's scolding took actual effect. For now, you'd focus on what you had. "....Well, that kinda went off course. So, do you think the plan worked?"

Spike looked around, then nodded. "Yeah, Look over there. Scootaloo is getting her club back. And after those two numbskulls got chased off AND saw what kind of "hero" you really were...no offense...I'd like to think the club is pretty much done...again..no offense."

You sigh. "It's fine, really. Those two probably would have come up with another excuse anyway. Diamond Tiara was probably the only way to do this...egh...I just wish she didn't get so mad at me...I'm definitely going to hear about this again later"

Rainbow Dash gave you a small hit on the back. "So what? You just gotta grin and take it. Comes with having a special somepony. Can't just wuss out now Anon, you're in for the long haul."

Mmnnnngh...at the moment, that just brought dread on you. "Yeah...but..” You look upon Spike, Pinkie, and Rainbow Dash. "Thanks guys...couldn't have done this without you. Because… well… there wouldn't even have been a fight for me to get scolded on without you all."

"Don't even mention is Nonny, that’s what friends are for. Speaking of which, It looks like Scootaloo might need a party to help with her club reopening. If you all will excuse me, this party planner has planning to do" Pinkie smiled happily as she hopped over to the now happy Scootaloo, who was busy retaking the members of her club that came back.

"Yeah, I'm gonna head off too. Tank's been flying around for awhile now and he's probably tired. Can't leave him hanging, seeya later!....Future prince" Rainbow Dash had a little giggle as she went off to get her dragon-clad pet.

.....You sigh...dammit Rainbow Dash. You take another look at the CMC, all of them busy with Pinkie Pie and the reformed RD club. And, you start to feel good about yourself. at the very least, shit worked out. It's all you could have asked for. "You know, good will and friendship is a weird thing sometimes. I probably would still be on the ground if it wasn't for you guys."

Spike just looks at what you're looking at. Then he stretches, and rubs the bottom of his chin. "It's how things are. At least that's how it's always been since living in Ponyville. I'm telling you Anon, you don't need to feel alone with us around. No matter what, your friends will be there for you." He then snickers "...even when you're getting chewed out by your marefriend"

......

You look back at him with your own smirk. "At least I have one"

Spike immediately stopped laughing and huffed in annoyance. "Yeah,yeah, don't rub it in. So...still up for bowling?"

Ok, maybe you were still a little fearful of stepping into public. With your luck, it could end up bad. You'd probably wait til you felt more comfortable. "Nah..."

You take off your sparkler horn. It's stop sparkling by now. You decide to put it in your saddlebag for safekeeping. "Not in the mood....I actually kind of wanna take a nap...my nerves are kinda shot."

"I can only imagine. Ok, I'm sure Twilight won't mind if you use her bed. Just try not to sleep the entire day away will ya? Trust me, you do not want to be sitting around for half an hour listening to the importance of a "proper sleep cycle"...eugh"

Oh lordy..no no...you don't want that. "It'll just be a small nap. Don't worry about it. Thanks again Spike."

"No problem...and remember, don't oversleep"

And that was that. You left everyone to their own devices as you went into the castle to take a nap. There was however, one thing that kind of bothered your mind. Applebloom. She didn't look happy at all.... Dammit Applebloom, everytime...everytime...she always proved how simple minded she was. You fucking bet she' probably still tries to get her cutie mark sometimes despite already having it. You didn't want that on your mind. Hopefully a nap would get it out of your head.

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