• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,279 Views, 2,759 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 214 - Twilight Week Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Blueblood becomes a bit green
Anon laughs
And Discord doesn't

Celestia starts to mix the drinks carefully with her magic. It was like she was a magical bartender.

"...Alot happened yesterday. I don't know if I could explain it all, you're nephew is pretty impatient." No doubt the asshole would be yelling soon about his drink.

"He can wait.." Celestia starts to shake up the bottle. "Think of this as a progress report; You have been with Twilight for four days now. I think I'm entitled to know your side of things."

Well...if she says so. Not too bad really, she had your back if Blueblood made a stink about it. You tell Celestia, honestly and truthfully, about the day of the chimera. The day with Trixie. She doesn't say a word throughout the entire story. She waits, until she's heard all of it.

"Hmnnn...So you're worried about a confrontation with Twilight about what you said. So much so you had a nightmare about it? Anon, I'll help you a little on this. If Discord doesn't fix it, then I'll send payment and a letter of apology for the wall Discord destroyed, and you may tell Twilight that you have spoken to me about what you want to speak to her about. That way, you needn't worry about me doing anything about it at Twilight's behest. But you still need to talk about this."

You look down a little, worried about that one thing. "You mean talking to Twilight herself about it. I don't know Princess Celestia, she's kind of hard to approach. And considering the whole chimera thing was my fault....on top of the whole Trixie thing....you know.."

"I know Twilight can be a hoof-full at times. But you can't hide from these fears and worries forever. All you have to do is do the right thing"

"....Just tell her the truth, right?" Did you even have to question it?

Celestia nods. "Mhmmm, of course. Actually telling her the truth is completely up to you. I cannot control how you conduct yourself."

..To you, that meant ‘you really shouldn't fuck this up Anon’. "..Ok...so er....what if you were with me when I talk to her? That'd probably help"

Celestia shook her head. "I can only do so much for you Anon, you must find the courage to do the rest. "

....You should have known she would say that. Damn, why did it even worry you? Telling the truth is usually the key to making things better anyway. But..what if it didn't? No..Celestia was right....goddammit..No, telling the truth will make things better. Better to tell the truth then just make the web even larger. It should be so obvious to you. But it wasn't at the same time. Telling the truth in the world of humans was not something you could or even should do....but that wasn't that world...was it? DAMMIT! You had a nightmare about it, why was it still plaguing you so?

"....Ok...I think i got it."

Celestia raises the now mixed bottle and a glass. And starts walking out of the kitchen "So do I..the perfect mix." She giggles. "Come along Anon, my nephew must be pretty thirsty right about now."

You join her at her side. looking up at the bottle. "And you're totally ok with this?"

Celestia smiles as she eyes the bubbles in the bottle. "I am, my nephew knows not to ask me questions while I'm busy and he decided to do so anyway so he could have a statue in the garden. When only statues of a special variety, those representing both the virtues and even the banes of friendship, are displayed. And I have those kinds of statues so one can learn and be inspired to follow the path of harmony. I suppose he doesn't understand the purpose of themes."

You smirk at a thought. "No, I think he got it right. He fits the "bane" part pretty good."

Celestia starting giggling to the point she nearly dropped the bottle. "That was a good one Anon, I admit. That's good, but we shouldn't be too harsh. He's still my family after all. Oh, by the way. I want you to step out in front of him first."

....Hrn, you think..you understood why. "You want to catch him talking bad about me for taking so long, right?"

"Exactly, I want to see how badly he conducts himself. It's hopefully enough to be able to give him a long lecture on manners. He really needs one of those."

You both walk out to the gardens to where Blueblood and Discord is. Celestia hides behind some of the greenery as you step forward towards Discord and Blueblood. Blueblood was in a very....awkward position. He was on his side, leaning his head up with his hoof while making a kissy face.

"Yes, yes, that's the pose. You have it exactly, the true pose of royalty. I've seen it many times before and nothing is superior to it." Discord says as he starts sculpting a new statue out of marble.

"I really don't see why we couldn't use the statue the old sculptor was working on. This pose feels so....vulgar to me for some reason. And you're sure this is the pose of royals?" Blueblood asked, looking confused and slightly insulted.

"Of course, of course! I've seen it many many times before." Discord says as he starts chiseling. "Nothing inappropriate or suggestive about it."

"You better be right, I'm already agitated by the fact I didn't get my drink...hmph, and here I thought I finally saw a foal with respect to his betters. But of course, like any foal, he was as useless and uncouth as...hrn?" Blueblood couldn't help but notice you as you step forward… without the drink. "And look who decides to show himself without my drink. I shouldn't have sent a foal to do anything really. They can't even do a simple task as fetching me a drink. I swear, for the pony who does bring me a drink, I shall consider them slightly above the annoying commonfolk...but only slightly" Blueblood's tone is that of a snooty and mean sort. God, you wanted to slap him.

Discord stopped as well, he looked at you with a confused expression, he wanted to know where the drink was.

"Slightly above the commonfolk?" Celestia stepped out, her expression was both regal and cold as she displayed the drink for all to see. It gave you chills when you looked back at her. "..Is that what you think of me, Nephew? Furthermore, do you just think of the ponies of Equestria as mere peasants?"

"A-A-Auntie Celestia!" Blueblood stood up, and nervously straightened himself out. "Not you my dearest Aunt, nor do I think of the subjects as such, never ever. It's just this colt! He didn't bring me the drink I asked for!" Holy shit, he was suddenly sweating bullets. Discord...he too looked on in utter astonishment.

"I know he didn't. That's because I have it." Celestia brought forth the bottle and glass. It seemed she had removed the label on the bottle to hide it's name, probably because it didn't resemble it's original color and would be an obvious tell. "I had been speaking with this young, intelligent, and very mindful colt in the kitchen. He was being very diligent in getting your drink until I stopped him. And I was impressed by how polite he is. Really, he acts more like a prince than you do"

Blueblood's lower lip quivered in shame and shock. "Surely you don't mean that...I'm an actual Prince...and your dearest nephew..."

"Hmmm, I suppose both of those might be true. But a prince is supposed to treat all their subjects with care and respect. Sending a colt to do something you could have done yourself seems rather lazy to me" Celestia was giving him a hard stare.

"B-but you do it all the time..." Blueblood gulped

"I only do it because my time is always taken up by important duties, if I am on my own time...as you are, I will go do it myself. And I certainly don't use colts to do the work. They aren't meant to be under anypony's stead but their caregiver or parent. How would you like it if I just decided to keep calling you down so I can have you serve me tea, or cake? Hmmm?" Celestia's stare became piercing at this point.

Blueblood couldn't hold it anymore, he stepped back in pure fright from the suggestion. "Y-you wouldn't...I can't do menial work! it's grotesque! Please tell me that's a joke"

Celestia shook her head. "It's not a joke. it's just a possible lesson you will have to learn should you keep this attitude up. But...seeing as I am already busy and you're looking parched. I thought I'd be the one to serve you a drink. And since you are of royal blood. I thought I'd treat you to the finest drink I have to offer. This drink, this special cider, is of the highest quality. One meant for only the elite, and even then, it must be drank at special occasions. Given you are my nephew, and will have to learn to appreciate such taste, I thought I'd serve you a glass myself. It's a high honor my nephew, one you will accept with utmost gratitude" Celestia words are said in a tone that would freeze the entire land. Cripes, it was scary. Even her expression as she poured the drink for him was icy.

Blueblood started to feel relaxed, and even felt a sense of pride for such an opportunity. "O-ohhh, Auntie..you are truly forgiving and kind. And, I am proud that you see me so highly as to serve me this wonderful drink yourself. Of course, as prince, I humbly accept such a prestigious opportunity to drink this drink. What is it called?"

"It doesn't have a name" Celestia holds the wine glass towards blueblood, which he takes with his own magic. "A drink as refined as this doesn't need one. Now then, the proper procedure for drinking this drink is to take it in all at once. Only those not of royalty will have trouble doing this...so don't disappoint me."

Blueblood put on an arrogant smile as he laughed. "Of course my Aunt, if only royalty is capable of drinking this drink then surely I am up to the task. The taste of this drink must be so divine that any ordinary pony that drinks it instantly faints from it's illustrious flavor. Well then, I shall waste no more time...." Blueblood opens his mouth and drinks the entire glass in one gulp. Discord looked on in confusion, unable to say a word. You...were anticipating a total meltdown. Celestia just looked on, never breaking her stare.

It didn't take long either. The glass fell to the ground and Blueblood started gargling and screaming. His face turning absolutly green. "GYYARRGGHHHHHH....THIS DRINK...ITS POSITIVELY...ABSOLUTLY...N-NGHHHH"

Celestia's stare finally broke into a gentle smile as you yourself began to giggle at the near dancing stallion. "It's what..nephew? Tell me...."

Blueblood wanted to say how putrid and vile it was, he was nearly choking. But to insult his aunt, Princess Celestia?...He did not dare...but he was having a hard time speaking through the need to puke. But for his social status, even with the witnesses at hand, he would dare not expel. "...nngmmdrgfs....dgrffgfd....t-t-t-truly...w-w-wonderful...n-nghhh..."

"Good....very good" Celestia stifles a laugh. "I expect you to drink that whenever you come by for practice. I'll serve you a drink personally every time, since, well, you don't want any commonfolk serving you."

Blueblood was coughing, he couldn't stand it. "nfnfdfdf...y-yes...o-o-of course..b-but if...if...iif...I may make..." He nearly puked. But he held his mouth closed with his own magic. But damn, he was turning greener as it became obvious barf came up through his throat and lingered in his mouth, he nearly fell over as he swallowed it back in. "...I-if I may make a suggestion...ngh....Perhaps I'm not actua-ac...actually ready for this....wonderful drink..yet.. I shouldn't..take what I am not truly ready for..y-yet"

"Suit yourself nephew, I suppose you really aren't ready...." Celestia had to stop herself, she almost laughed through her words "...mnnn...Well, I shall leave you to your....posing. When the statue is done, I will personally find a place in the garden suitable for it. For now, just know that these sculptors are also of nobility and class. And I expect you to treat them both with respect. Understood?"

Blueblood was doing his best not to fal backl to the ground. "Y-yes...A-auntie"

"Good, now. I must attend to my duties. Fare thee well to you all.." Celestia turned. But you could hear it as she walked off; Sweet melodious giggling.

"Y-yes...hrn.." Blueblood turned to the both of you, he was wobbly as shit. his yellow blond mane was less than perfect at this point and his perfect blue eyes were getting glassy. "I-if you t-two can excuse yourselves for a moment. I-I need to finish enj-enjoying the aftertaste of this....wo-wonderful drink."

With a smile, you nod and pull at Discord's shirt to pull him along. He was utterly confused on what just happened. He just follows along as he tries to piece everything together. When you find a suitable spot. It all comes out, you fall over to the floor. laughing like an idiot.

Discord looked at you, confused. "...I fail to see the humor. Is there something I missed?"

"R-really?!" You had trouble stifling your laughter. "How do you not get it? Me and Celestia upped the ante and totally made a idiot out of him. Did you not see his face?"

"Yes...but I fail to see the humor, as I said. You were supposed to do something to the drink, not Celestia. And yes, it was a good attempt at hilarity. But there's a certain something that keeps me from joining in on the fun you apparently had"

Your laughter slowed as you tried to figure out what the fuck he was talking about. "Really? and what is that? Because that was fucking top tier hilarity right there. What the fuck is the problem?"

"Oh..not much really. Just the ever nagging feeling that Princess Celestia is now in on our ruse and in actuality, she's actually fixing some of the chaos I had wrought, such as at the hospital."

"Really? You're not going to laugh because she was in on it? I mean, yes, she is going to fix your crap. All she's going to do is send money to the hospital to get the wall fixed. And that's it. Sheesh, I didn't take you for a stiff"

Discord sighs. "I'm no stiff Anon. But when you tell me she's going to fix something I caused instead of letting the chaos fester in a way that wouldn't get me in too much trouble while still troubling all the ponies then yes, I'm not going to laugh. Because let me tell you what's going to happen now. When I get back, Twilight will want to talk to me. And instead of me being able to give her a spiel on how I was worried for you and this was my way of loving you. She's going to be told by Celestia exactly what's going on. Which means I'm going to be in a bad mood. Understand? You ruined this entire outing."

You stop laughing. Oh hell no. This wasn't ruined, this was fucking awesome. "Discord, what the fuck does it matter if you get to mess with Twilight or not? We have free reign to do whatever we please to Blueblood. Come on, let's just wreck his shit and have fun about it. We can really make him suffer if we put our mind to it"

"It's not fun when we're allowed to do it Anon. The greatest part of it all is not getting found out by anypony while we playfully torment him. Heck, the entire point of busting you out of the hospital was when I put you back in with seemingly nothing amiss. Fluttershy wouldn't have a reason to worry and the doctors would have been further flabbergasted when I fixed the wall"

"Discord, come on. So what if Celestia knows? So what if you can't trick some doctors? Who cares?! This is still going to be fun as fuck. Come on....stop being a fucking spoil sport and let's ruin his shit. Even Celestia wants this"

"And if Celestia wants it, then I don't. You've changed Anon....but I won't give up hope on you. I will simply have to up the ante." Discord sighs in disappointment. "We're done here Anon. I'm going home, And you're going back to the hospital. I hope you have fun explaining what happened."

..Oh he really wasn't going to continue. The hell man? Why does it matter to him so much? It's still fucking with someone. "Discord, I'm your buddy. I mean that. Let's just do this and have fun ok? I promise it'll be great. We have free reign to do whatever we please! Come on!"

Discord changes back to his normal form, ignoring you as he sighs "Farewell Anon...I'll see you when your days with Twilight are over. Because as you are now, stuck with her, you're no fun."

You could feel a sting in your heart. It actually hurt to see him so disappointed. But christ, he was being a bitchy baby about it.
You didn't do anything wrong!"Discord..please..come on. Don't be like that." Discord continues to ignore you as he raises his talons. You already knew what he was going to do. "Discord..don't."

"...Just make sure you don't worry dear Fluttershy, Anon. That's all I'll ask of you." He said in a somber tone. And then, he snapped his talons.

You call out his name. But in a flash of light. All that was in front of you was the hospital room. ......What? You look at yourself. you were back to normal. Your saddle bag was back on the chair....

...was it all a dream? Just..an actually depressing dream? You suddenly feel a draft. You look to your right… Nope..there was a big hole in the wall..... "Discord...."

Did it really matter to him that much? It was still chaos, wasn't it? Also....oh god...how could you even explain this mess?

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