• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,464 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 28

you can feel an itching in your ear. You give your ear a bop, and when you do, a small Discord plops out of it, and floats up to your eye level "Careful Anon, you might crush me"

You were caught in surprise. He was in your ear...and.....was he there..the whole time?
"Discord?! Holy....were you in my ear the entire time?!"

Discord nodded as he starting spinning his talon finger in the air, resting his back on a cloud of air as a small ring begins to form where he's spinning "Of course I was, where else would I be? I did say I'd be right at your side, didn't I?"

He did, but you expected him to be at your side only for Filthy Rich...not the entire day. But...
"Hold on, if you were with me the entire time, why didn't you do anything?! I was getting obliterated out there!"

Discord nodded in agreeance as he tossed the ring up and it came over both of you. As it passes through, you both end up back at the house. "Yes, you were. I really have to applaud her, she pulled out all the stops and smashed you to bits. It was quite hilarious"

You growled, he found it funny?!

Discord yawned "Don't blame me, I would have helped but I got too caught up at looking at these adorable photos. Just look at you, you must not get a lot of female attention, hmm?" Discord fanned his paw over his talons, generating a fan of photos in it's clutch.


Discord looked at you, with a bored expression "Are you talking about the photos I took of our family? Oh no no Anon, I already took the liberty of putting it on mine and your dresser. I'm talking about the photos your little adversary's stooge took. see?" Discord flipped the photos to reveal that they were the ones taken by Silver Spoon.

Instantly, you went from a state of rage to that of immense confusion.
"Those photos..aren't those the ones Silver Spoon took? How did you get those?"

Discord started to chuckle as he spoke to you in a mocking tone "Duh Anon, I'm the spirit of chaos, remember...unlimited magic?"


Despite feeling stupid in that regard, you felt a huge amount of relief. But...
"Discord...I-is that all of them?"

Discord crunched the photos inbetween two slices of bread and downed them in a single gulp and swallowed "Every last one, mmmm..that hits the spot"

You were in awe, he actually helped you out and removed Diamond Tiara's blackmail element from play, for seemingly no reason.

Discord looked at you and suddenly got annoyed "What, no "Thank you, Dad" ? That's very rude Anon, such bad manners"

You snap out of your awe-inspired stupor and promptly give a small bow of your head
"Thank you...Dad....but, I gotta ask. Why did you do it? You usually just mess with me. I'm just sorta awestruck"

"You are my son now, Anon. I couldn't let that little gargoyle COMPLETELY take control. Two against one is hardly fair."

You feel absolute relief, Discord had given you a reprieve from the fear of blackmail. Though you wondered what would happen to Silver Spoon now that the photos were gone. And the more you thought about it...
"Discord...I can't go through this whole thing. She's out to get me, you saw that. Can't you call this off?"

Discord shook his head "Sorry Anon, all I can do is discuss with Filthy Rich in shortening it. It would help if you both kept up your little buddy buddy act though. And even then, I don't even really want to try in the first place. He keeps trying to ask me to help him with a little business venture....ugh...as if I'd sit down and listen to more useless nonsense after having to sit seven hours listening to Princess Goodyfourshoes....not that I hate her, she's my friend and all, but JAAAAEEEEZZZZZ she just never stopped."

"Ok then...can you at least help keep things even between me and Diamond Tiara then? I hate to admit it. But even with all the knowledge I have...I can't figure out how to best her. It's really weird when you don't have the TV as a window of strategy"

"Well I'd imagine it's easy to know what should be done when you have the ability to see what everypony is doing during any time the episode would shift around. I've been watching them myself and I only have one thing to say..... How did Rainbow Dash become the element of loyalty again? I swear I'd be a better candidate than her.

So, he started watching the episodes...and there hasn't been any crazy anomaly. That got you curious.
"Discord, doesn't it bother you this is all part of a TV show?"

Discord shook his head "No, I may be worried if that was actually the case. But it isn't.."

"It isn't? But the show exists and correlates with this world, hell, you even have John Delancie's voice. How do you explain that?"

Discord rolled his eyes "Humans...all the smarts to make technology more amazing than any pony here and yet you can't grasp the simple concept of alternate dimensions...I mean..Look at where you are right now Anon..do you honestly think this chaotic place is actually part of Equestria?"

You shook your head "...No...but...it was part of the show.That’s what I’m saying. How do you explain that?"

"Easy...." Discord stretched his limbs apart..creating a line. Then a web of lines started to appear around it "Imagine this line is the dimension Equestria currently resides in. Now...way over here, far far away is your dimension." suddenly dotted lines appeared, connecting to every dimension "These lines represent ideas that travel among universes. These ideas vary wildly in type. Some stay in their origin world, some transfer into other universes or even create parallel universes, and some are even shared among universes. These ideas sometimes pop into other beings heads and become theirs and then become a concept. To make it simple. The idea of this world popped into a human's head and so a show was created out of it. And me, being your friendly neighborhood Draconequus, can travel between dimensions and see the leylines of these ideas."

Woah...this was all complicated stuff.

"man..this is sounding like Kingdom Hearts..so, uhh..basically. Nobody has an original idea?"

Discord shook his head "I didn't say that, ideas that generally stay within their own dimension are original ideas...like your dimension and proper parallel dimension's ideas of "Pizza" and "Sex robots"...but I digress. Essentially, in short. The TV show you see was from an idea that flowed from this world."

You think you understood. It seemed to make sense, oddly enough.
"So you can travel to any dimension you want to? I didn't figure you had that much power"

"Unfortunately I can't, there are certain rules when it comes to hopping dimensions, Anon. Such as distance. I can't hop to any dimension that is too far apart. They have to be about..." He puts his paw and talons close together "This close for me to be able to do so"

You notice the line between this world and your world is really far apart. much farther than what he indicated
"So...how did you get to my world then? It looks really far away from here"

Discord chuckled "Oh that's easy, if you look at this line here. There exists another Equestria where there happens to be a mirror that oddly enough...travels through an actual idea leyline that takes you to a human universe very close to yours...Using that, I went to your world, then back to the Equestrian human world, back to alternate Equestria and right here to good old Equestria. Dimensions are quite amazing actually...did you know there's even a dimension where they never released me again and Twilight graduated..something..I don't know..Didn't care too much to pay attention."

Amazing...you'd never had thought it'd all be that complicated.

Discord wipes away the lines "And that concludes Discord's lesson on dimensions and leylines for the day. And so you don't worry your silly little head. I will help you with this whole Diamond Tiara business to make sure it all ends smoothly for you."

"..Thanks...But how are you going to do it if you aren't really willing to talk to Filthy Rich?"

Discord snickered evilly "You leave that to me Anon, I have a few ideas on how to make this work"

"You're not going to tell me? Shouldn't I be in on it?"

"Anon, if you were in on it then it wouldn't be as convincing....I can't trust you with this information because then anything I do wouldn't seem authentic."

You didn't like the sounds of that
"You're gonna cause me some hell, aren't you?"

"Oh don't look at it that way, I'm just leveling the playfield in my own innocent,playful way. Unless you just want me to turn her into a grape...I could just do that."

You wave your hooves approvingly, you didn't want that, oh no no no no
"No no, don't do that. I hate her, but She's still a kid....man I can't believe I said that....look, I just want everything to go smoothly, with a little payback of course....just nothing over the top"

Discord chuckled at your own absurdity "Funny, I seem to remember you actually wanting to cause her harm"

You sigh, he was right...but..
"Yeah yeah...I did ,but. She's a kid, I'm an adult who looks like a kid. She may be a little hateful rat but there's still a chance she could turn good. I mean if she was like...I dunno...evil or something then I'd just say turn her into a grape. I wouldn't miss her, and as long as the Crusaders don't find out....nah..they'd still get worried, wouldn't they?"

Discord nodded "Empathy can be so troublesome sometimes."

without warning, a small table appeared in front of you. With it, a glass of some fizzy black liquid and some very familiar foods...a large Rice Krispies treat and a bag of nacho cheese Doritoes.

Discord pulled up a chair for you "I thought after such a hard day you'd appreciate some more.......familiar food and a drink. Still, I hate too much order, so like before, they are chock full of healthy nutrients your little body needs despite looking like they’d give you a heart attack."

You cautiously sit...he was being really nice to you...maybe too nice.
"Why are you being so nice to me right now? You usually have some sort of trick or sight gag to pull on me by now."

Discord nodded "And you'd be right...the fact that you were expecting one would be a very good reason I haven't yet. Can't get too obvious, Anon."

Yeah...can't get too obvious..hrn.

You look down at your dinner....it was rather nostalgic. Not what you'd call a proper dinner though, even if it was turned into a healthy one.
"...Thanks. Discord...I appreciate all this. I really do."

Discord didn't say anything though. He just stayed silent for a moment before completely changing subjects "Ahh yes, and Twilight wants to see us tomorrow apparently. Troublesome, but I think we can manage it just fine. But I'm going to get an early sleep just in case, As Rarity would say...” Discord’s voice changes to that of Rarity herself “need to get that beauty sleep if I want to look my best, ciao!"

Before you could say anything else, Discord again disappeared to god whatever room he might be in this house. You smile, you didn't know what it was, but it made you smile.

You ate your food, and left the plates about. He'd probably appreciate it if you left things messy. You didn't really want to go to bed. It was still early enough for you. But you had no way of leaving on your own. You had to see if Discord could give you your own way in and out of the house without having to go through the terrifying outside.
You walked up into your room and looked around, and saw the book, the Daring Do book that had sat on the ground since you were unable to pick it up.
You smirk, with your new found knowledge you are able to pick up the book with relative ease. You take off your saddle bag and toss it to the side as you hop onto your bed and begin to read the book. Might as well see what Equestrian adventure literature was like since you had nothing else to do.
And so you read...and you kept reading until the extra comforting aura of your bed lulled you into a deep sleep.

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