• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 92

"Ok Discord, you've had your fun. But they tried to kill me. Send them to Tartarus already!" You try to command him.

Chrysalis growled at the both of you "You think I can be imprisoned forever? You think this will be the last you'll hear from me? Mark my words, My revenge will be absolute!"

Discord pondered for a moment, then looked down at you "I was thinking Anon, how would you feel about having this queen as your nanny?"

Both you and Chrysalis cry out at the same time, a unified "WHAT?!"

Discord shrugged with a smirk "Well, it's clear that I'm usually out and about, unable to watch you with my fatherly eye. I think you need a nanny, she could be your second aunt!"

Chrysalis gagged, she wouldn't stand for such an insult "I'D RATHER YOU SEND ME TO TARTARUS THEN BE MADE TO WATCH YOUR PUTRID SON!"

You agree with her, not liking AT ALL what you were hearing. "D-discord! I agree. I'd rather she be in Tartarus then watch me! She tried to kill me Discord. SHE ALMOST KILLED ME!"

Discord put on a pair of reading glasses. "But Anon, she's perfect." He made a sheet of paper appear in front of him as he began to read. "She's good with kids, has a high standing in society, has tons of experience, likes to play games, and has quite the singing voice, perfect for arias" He poofs away the glasses and the paper "She's perfect!"

Your eye twitched, there’s no way he was being serious. "D-discord. This isn't a very funny joke"

Discord raised his talons in the air "Well then, it's good I'm not joking then. I hate telling terrible jokes."

"Discord… don't."

But he doesn't listen, he snaps his talons. All the changelings disappear, except for Queen Chrysalis. Who detaches from the ceiling and falls towards the ground. But she doesn't crash down. She begins to float with her wings.

She starts to become frantic, noticing her remaining children, including her captain, had been poofed away. "What have you done?! Where are my soldiers!"

"In my basement. They'll be fine. It's time for your interview… uhmmm" Discord starts sorting through papers he is pulling out of thin air "hmmm… Chrysalis… is it?"

"Discord! Stop! You can't be serious! She wants us both dea-MHHHH" Discord magically zipped your mouth

"Shhh, the adults are speaking" Discord points his talon at you, and slowly points up as you get stuck suspended in the air.

You growl at him through your zipped mouth. But he ignored you.

Chrysalis did her best to calm herself, to assess the situation, figure out exactly what to do, and evacuate if possible. She looks over to you, then to Discord. "So then, it appears you have the upper hoof at the moment. However, do you really expect me to play your game?"

Discord pulls out a notepad and pencil and starts writing. "No games here, I'm actually being quite serious"

Chrysalis slowly backs to the floor door and looks down upon it. The escape was covered with bricks too. She looks to the window. Bricks. The portal door was still covered in bricks

"Why would you want me as your son's nanny anyway?" Chrysalis was looking around, there had to be something he missed "You are aware I'd simply destroy him. Don't you? Then again..."

Chrysalis began to contemplate "That doesn't make it sound so awful. But you wouldn't let me do that, would you?"

Discord kept focus on his notepad as he continued writing "I don't really care how you handle Anon to be honest. I'd just find it interesting. And it's not like it would be without it's perks. I'd let your remaining children have free reign in my basement. And you wouldn't have to spend time in that boring pit of a prison. How does that sound?"

You try to yell in protest, but all you manage to end up doing is spin in place

"Please... don't act like you're doing me any favors. You're only confining me and my children in a different prison. One developed by a mad being such as yourself to be used as your playtoys because you got bored and whipped by a bunch of foolish ponies. Are you even aware of the nourishment we require?" Chrysalis was being wary of Discord's shenanigans.

Discord does a visible but subtle nod as he continues writing "Yes, and I could easily acquire an unending source of love for you from a friend of mine." No… that bastard. THAT FUCKING BASTARD!

You try to scream profanities and attack Discord, he was selling out Fluttershy! Chrysalis raises her eyebrow at him, she found those words curious. "And here I thought you had lost your backbone." She chuckled "Giving us one of your pony friends just to have some fun? I'm actually starting to like this deal. So then, who is it? Please tell me it's that contemptible Twilight Sparkle"

Discord chuckled "Oh, actually. That would be quite a hysterical trade. But sadly no. The friend I'm talking about is more… gelatinous in nature"

What? Did he mean the Smooze? That… came out of left field. But still! It looked like he was being serious about this! Chrysalis didn't know who he was talking about. But a limitless source of love did sound usable to her.

"I see. But you do realize it is yours and your son's fault that my entire hive have been locked away, right? How do you plan to make up for it?" She was trying her damnedest to make a way to escape through her words.

Discord stopped writing for a moment, and shifted his eyes towards her "What makes you think I owe you anything?"

"If you even want me to consider your request. I expect to have my entire hive at my beck and call. What you are demanding of me is pure ridiculousness. I want something of equal value before I even begin to think about it"

Discord makes no kind of motion whatsoever for a moment, then goes back to writing on the notepad "Done"

Chrysalis narrowed her eye at Discord "Seriously?"

WHAT?! HE DIDN'T! HE WOULDN'T?!

Discord gently nodded "Yes, but just to make you aware. You won't know what my rules are until you agree." Discord slowly shifts just his eyes towards her, his face still positioned towards the notepad. "Think of it as a mystery game. You'll never know what you'll get until you open it. But the prizes you already have make it quite tempting. Doesn't it?"

"If you're speaking the truth, then it does indeed. But tell me Discord. What about myself? I can't be trapped here for all eternity watching your pathetic child. I need to stretch my wings, travel the world." Chrysalis licks her lips, just thinking about it. It wouldn't be bad to have a headquarters in a place nopony could feasibly get to. "...and exact certain revenges"

Discord simply continues to write "Well, I hope you mean ONLY you. Because letting your entire hive enter and exit as they please would cause some problems for myself."

Chrysalis thought about it. Even if he let only her go in and out. She could surely figure out a way on her own to secure an exit. Perhaps for the greatest of surprise attacks Equestria has ever seen. Her hive pouring out of seemingly nowhere. Terrorizing everything they touch. "Only me then, I suppose that's fair."

"Anything else, my dear?" Discord tapped his pencil on the notepad.

"Of course I want to know exactly what is expected of me as Anon's "Nanny". You don't really expect me to believe you'll just let me have my way with him,do you?."

Discord yawned as he went back to writing "No, I wouldn't expect you to believe it. But it's exactly as I said. Of course, certain actions would be met with certain consequences. I'll let you figure that one out on your own."

Chrysalis gritted her teeth. She figured that meant she couldn't outright destroy you or Discord in general.

Discord poofs away his pencil, and looks intently at his notepad as he snaps his talons again, freeing you from your suspension and silence. "Now all we need to do is hear from my son, and then I'll hear your answer. And we'll be all set to go"

You drop to the ground. thankfully, not hitting your head this time. You quickly stand and rush up to Discord. Oh boy, were you ready to protest. "Discord! no! SERIOUSLY! NO! What the fuck are you thinking?! You want to talk about consequences?! YOU JUST LET HER ENTIRE HIVE FREE! YOU KNOW, THE ONE THE PRINCESSES JUST FUCKING SEALED! And don't forget. SHE'S EVIL AND SHE TRIED TO KILL ME! AND YOU'RE GOING TO LET HER BE MY NANNY?! FOR KICKS?! ARE YOU INSANE? I MEAN SERIOUSLY! DID YOU EVEN THINK OF WHAT FLUTTERSHY WOULD THINK?! DISCORD,DISCORD… I'M BEGGING YOU. DO NOT DO THIS. OK? I'M SERIOUS."

Discord stayed silent for a moment. Then looked to Chrysalis. "....and now I'll hear your answer"

You ears droop, you shiver. No fucking way. No. He didn't. He couldn't have thought this one through. This wasn't funny. This wasn't cute. "Discord..."

Chrysalis took a moment to think. On her own. She would most likely be attacked on sight and be hunted if anyone ever found out she was still out and about. And now that she had her hive back. She'd only have to endure Discord's shenanigans until she could find a way to strike. Then she looked at you, as you looked at her.

You both just silently stare at eachother. You hope, you just hope that Chrysalis has too much pride to accept a deal. And would rather take her chances in the pony version of hell.

Unfortunately for you, Chrysalis, already decided she could take advantage of this.She slowly forms an evil glare, gazing right at you. As she imagines being your nanny could be an interesting bonus if she plays her cards right. "Deal"

No, no, FUCK NO! "No Discord, fuck that shit! I don't agree with this at all! I swe-OMPH!"

Chrysalis grabs onto you gently and cuddles onto you "What's wrong Anon? You don't think we can get along? I think your father is being quite fair. And besides.." Chrysalis turns into a younger form, and gently nuzzles her head at the side of your neck "Like I said before, you have an unusual amount of lust. Maybe I could be your little cuddle friend on those more lonely nights. Hmmmm?"

You cringe, even if it felt nice, you cringed. This was all kinds of weird and wrong. Chrysalis still found you disgusting deep inside, but she was using her wiles to try to get you to lean towards her side and decision.

"Cuddle friend? Now, that's adorable. See Anon? All we had to do is give her a chance and she already has grown attached to you. Who knows? We might be able to reform one of the biggest villains Equestria has ever seen. Wouldn't that be fun to rub in Twilight's face, hrmm?" Discord chuckled at the thought.

Nooo… nooo… please, no. He must have come up with that dipshit plan the moment he saw her. That's..n..ohh god. Chrysalis was kissing under your neck, she wasn't making any sexual movements other than soft gentle kisses. "I remember, you really liked this, didn't you? Come on Anon, why don't you give me a chance? Maybe turning over a new leaf might be what I need. And I do agree, rubbing anything into that princess's face would be amusing."

What a lying sack of shit… except for the rubbing into Twilight's face part. She was planning something. You knew it. Nobody goes from raging bitch to sexy cunt in mere moments. She was calculating something.

And as much as your mind was protesting. This… this felt nice. NO! NO! That's what she wants.

Chrysalis's voice became younger, cuter, more innocent sounding "Pweease Anon? You don't want me and my childwen to suffer in Tartarus, do you? It's scary down there"

She just continued to cuddle and hug onto you. And although you fought it at the start, trying to shove her away, you didn't fight it when you started to feel warmer. You were sickened with yourself as a… sexual… curiosity… began to form.

"Pwwweeease Anon? I pwomise, I'll be very nice to you" The lolified Chrysalis gives you a sweet kiss on the cheek.

DAMMMMMIITT! WHATEVER FINE!

"F-fine, whatever."

Chrysalis suddenly becomes cold, as her cute smile becomes that of that of slight disgust as she pushes you away "Then it's a done deal."

...dammit.

You just lay on the ground, feeling like a tool.

"Indeed, however, for now you'll have to find a way to entertain yourself. Me and Anon have a picnic to attend and I'd rather not have Fluttershy worry. Shall we be heading out Anon?" Discord stood up, tossing the notepad aside.

the notepad falls right at eye level. You take a look at it. All it was was a crude picture of Chrysalis as a pirate and you in a tutu. Nothing important at all.

"Fine..." You felt so unenthused. How were you supposed to enjoy a picnic knowing the queen of the fucking changelings would be waiting for you when you returned home. And what worried you was the fact Discord seemed to have an intention of letting her out of the house. All it would take is a single spotting and the Princesses would wonder what happened. And if it ever came back to Discord… ugh... He'd be destroying his original plan of making things better for Fluttershy.

Discord picks you up with his paw and looks at you, he began to frown "Anon, please don't look so down. I'd rather Fluttershy not worry about you. I want this to be a very mirthful picnic. I want everypony smiling."

You look at Discord, sigh, and then look away. He was holding you in such a way, with an enlarged paw that you could lay on it, curled in a ball. "Discord, I don't know how you could possibly find this fun or funny. I'm not even shocked anymore, I don't even want to know what's going through your head anymore. Because I feel like sooner or later, she's going to just kill me. And nobody is going to care."

Discord gently put you down and looked to Chrysalis. "Chryssi, would you mind letting me have some private time with my son?"

Chrysalis didn't enjoy having nicknames. "Excuse me? Did you just call me "Chryssi?"

Discord looked hard at her, he was being serious "Yes, you are under my employ. And I can do as I wish. And I want you to excuse yourself, the door leading to my living room is open now. And there is another door that will lead to your hive if you wish to inform them of their situation."

Chrysalis didn't enjoy actually being given orders. She wanted to hear what was going on. But she could see he was being serious. She'd have to bide her time, it was only the beginning. "Hrnn...fine" Chrysalis exits, floating down through the floor door with her wings. unknowing of the gravity stairs. The door then shuts.

Discord was actually carefully thinking. He didn't expect this kind of reaction from you. He was just expecting you to freak out until you just wanted to go to the picnic. But he knew, he screwed up just a little. "Anon, would it cheer you up a little if I told you the truth?"

You sigh, and lay your chin to the ground. "It depends, are you just going to lie about telling the truth?"

"No Anon, it's going to be the truth." Discord took a breath, it wasn't easy for him to spoil some of his own fun. "I will admit, this is a tad hasty a decision to make. And yes, part of it is to mess with you. But I promise you, I have everything under control. The princesses nor Fluttershy will find out, and I'm not going to let Chrysalis just walk out of here without some measure of security. Trust me. It'll be ok"

...That did sound honest. And, yeah. He wouldn't jeopardize Fluttershy. And he would do it to mess with you. That much was obvious. Even knowing that was mostly the point. You couldn't prepare yourself properly for it because you could never tell if he was serious. Not unless there was obvious tells.

Ugh, you'd probably be less forthcoming and just lay there and mope if it wasn't for two factors. One, you yourself agreed to letting Chrysalis in because she prayed upon your… more base instincts. And two, Fluttershy was waiting for the both of you. And you didn't want her to worry. You really didn't. Not after yesterday.

You sigh, and slowly begin to stand up. "Ok, but I'm still not happy with you. I'm only doing this because Fluttershy is expecting us to all have a good time. But what about Chrysalis? We're just going to leave her here?"

"Oh, don't worry about her. This is my home, and it is within a dimension of pure chaos. My powers are absolute here. She won't be escaping if I don't want her to"

That sounded good. Hopefully that was true as well. "Ok then… give me a second." You take a few more breaths, then pat down your face , and smile just a little. "Ok, I think I'm ready. Though, I still don't know Discord. Now that I know one of your reasons of doing this is to mess with me. Doesn't that kill it's point? You could, you know… send her to Tartarus now, right?"

Discord shook his head "Nice try Anon,but my decision is final"

...dammit. Ugh, fine. Just… fine. Though, as you thought about it. Maybe it could go both ways? You could pretty much study up villainy from Chrysalis herself. Maybe learn how and why they do the things they do.

What a dangerous thought. you shouldn't think that. You were just trying to find your own and rational way through this ridiculous decision that was made. Just focus on the picnic, just focus on not worrying Fluttershy. She didn't deserve to be put down because Discord was being a fucking moron.

"Ok then, but I am ready. Hopefully this will go so well I'll forget bugbutt and her kids are going to be living with us."

Discord smiled as he prepared to snap his talons, picking up his dropped poison joke with his paw "Good, let us have a grand and pleasant time!"

And with a snap, both you and Discord were gone.

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