• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,266 Views, 2,759 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 133

"Omnipotent soldier? come on, I can't believe she doesn't think the name "Big Boss" is cool. Ugh, ponies just don't know what good gaming names are." You lament at the new name Diamond Tiara had given you as you rush over to the Apple Farm.

You also were wary about the costume you now donned. But you realized there wasn't anything you could do. You had no charge in your horn so you couldn't just take it off. You're just going to have to say that you wanted to show her your costume. That should be fine, Applebloom shouldn't see any problem with it.

You manage to reach the farm without much trouble. And you spot the house that also was a barn. it was getting a little late. The sky was still alight from the sun, but the sun itself was definitely heading down towards the horizon.

You walked up to the door, it opened from the top, bottom, or both. You didn't see a real reason for it. But whatever, cartoon world. This should be easy. Go in, let her know you're ok, walk out. Easy.

You don't even take a breath. You were Big Boss. You don't need to prepare for the worst. Because you're always prepared for it. Always. You lift your hoof, and knock on the door. Then you plant your butt on the ground like a dog and look up at the door while you wait for either Applejack or Applebloo.......Oh no..

The door opened alright, but it wasn't those two...it wasn't even Big Mac.

"Well , well, what do we got here..hrnnnnnn" It was Granny Smith, she had opened the top half of the door and leaned over the bottom. Not that you hated her or anything. But everytime you see her. She somehow mistakes you for a fucking bear. In fact, it's for that very reason that you start to inch back a little as she peers at you. You were ready to make a run for it the moment she yelled "BEAR!"

But she didn't, she smiled at you instead. And began to open the bottom door. "Howdy there Anon, good to see ya again after Big Mac gave you such a big whoopin'. Hope you ain't sore about that."

.......You didn't know how to react. What the fuck? Whatever was fucking with you, it did a good job. Because how the fuck did she even recognize you? Did she seriously only notice you as NOT a bear when you were disguised? Did the costume, which made you look completely different, somehow do that for her? Oh god, this was almost headache inducing.

"Oh..um, nah. I'm not a sore loser or anything. Ummm, Granny Smith, ma'am? You don't see any bears around...do you?"

"Bears?" Granny Smith looked around "Whatcha talkin' about Anon? There ain't no bears around for miles and....hmmnnnn..." Granny Smith took a closer look at you, closing her left eye as she eyed you up and down with her right. It made you feel uncomfortable. "Well ain't that a kick in the neck..."

You were so confused, not only did she somehow recognize you. But she was looking at your entire body at an uncomfortable proximity. You just wanted to go inside and see Applebloom. Now you were just wondering if you should just go home. "What...do you mean?"

She then poked your neck, firmly enough to make you gulp automatically, but soft enough for it to not hurt. "Yer throat, it's lookin so dry that it looks like ya got battle scars. And yer face, why it's crustier than a loaf of bread left on the beach on a hot day"

Well, this was definitely the first female to touch you to not give you "those" feelings. And what was wrong with your neck?! Costume or not. No, actually. With the costume, your neck should look toned and tough. So where did she get the idea it was crusty? "Granny Smith, I don't thin-"

"And yer mane, call me crazy, but ah don't think ya ever worked hard enough to get it all...." She runs her hoof through your mane. "tough and grimy"

"Granny Smith, I'ts my nightm-..you know what..Can I-" She then yanked your tail and stopped you at your words, and geez. You didn't even know that could hurt. Nobody had ever yanked your tail before.

"And this tail, I've seen this before, hmmmmmnnn...." You look back at her, with your face scrunched from annoyance as she stares at you casually. "Anon, have ya choked anything with yer tail lately? This looks like a chokin' tail. A tail you would have groomed to grab ponies by their neck and give em such a yank that their eyes roll to the back of their heads" She gives it another yank, making you yelp again.

"Do you mind?!" You bend around just enough to grab your tail and hold it from her. "I'm trying to te-"

But then she just lightly pushed your mouth closed as she moved up close to your face, and looked at your eyepatch. "And when did ya lose yer eye? What, did ya get in a fight with a cat?"

Lose your eye? How could she even say that? She didn't even move your eyepatch. "Granny Smith! Come on! stop...please. I just want to see Applebloom"

"Well, ya better see her quickly before ya lose that other eye." She says as she continues to look you over

You were indeed losing your patience. Maybe if you just showed her it was just a costume. She'd back off. "Look, I get it. My costume looks really real. But it's just a costume. See?" You lift your eyepatch.

"Yep, that's an eyehole alright"

What? But you noticed your depth perception didn't even improve when you lifted the eyepatch...and if she said there was an eyehole.....ooogghhh..

You slowly close the eyepatch. Ok....ok. Cripes, you really shouldn't have gone overboard with the magic. Yeah, tomorrow. Gotta make sure to make it less real...more costume. What really got you was how calm she was about your missing fucking eye.

"Yep, you're a real mess Anon. Doesn't even look like ya have been eating right. But yer in luck, we we're about to have some dinner. So come on in already before you waste away to bones."

Dinner? Actually....maybe you could stay for that. You were pretty hungry. And no doubt a home cooked meal from a southern style family like the Apples would do your body good. "...umm..actually, I w-WAHHH!"

"That's all ah needed to hear, now get in here before I yank ya in by the ear." Granny Smith gets behind you and pushes you in with her face. Aye geez, she wasn't even going to let you walk in. You at least wanted time to prepare in case anyone inside asked about the eyepatch. But she wasn't even going to let you have the chance to actually answer.

And she just pushed you inside as your hooves dragged across the ground. You were feeling pretty humiliated that you couldn't even get a word in on the old pony. What's worse is that she was actually pretty tough when she wanted to be. You wanted her to stop so you could just walk in normally. But she just pushes you into the room they were eating at.

And man, what a fucking spread it was. Besides the usual apple related items. There was mashed potatoes and peas and carrots and biscuits and all sorts of other things. Applejack, Big Mac, and Applebloom already sitting at their seats. Waiting for Granny Smith.

"Hey Everypony, look who came to enjoy a family dinner with us." Granny Smith announced

All three of them look at you, and none of them seemed to recognize you.

"Granny Smith, who's that supposed to be? I never seen that pony in my life" Applejack said

"Yeah, me neither, what about you Big Mac?" Applebloom looks over to her brother for confirmation

Big Mac simply shakes his head "Eenope"

"Don't make me send ya all to the hospital to get yer heads examined. You all should know who this pony is, don't go insulting our guest like that, it's rude" Granny Smith says in an angry tone. You couldn't believe it. Sure she was defending you, but dammit. Couldn't she see that you were in a costume made of magic? Sure...you know, why are you even making sense of this? Old people always see what they want to see....even if they can see through the veil of deception...somehow. The problem was, however, that they obviously didn't see through it.

"But Granny Smith, we're tellin ya, we've never seen him before in our lives" Applejack said, sure she's never seen you.

You try to say something. But Granny Smith, on cue, says something before you can. "Applejack, I'm surprised at ya. Trying to play your Granny Smith a fool. And you, Applebloom. I'm especially ashamed. We all know ya had a crush on this colt. Ya told us, remember?"

"WHAT?! Granny Smith, a-are ya kidding?! I'd never get with a colt like him! He looks like he'd choke me in my sleep or somethin, or hold me up and demand I give him ma bow or something before hitting me in the back of the head and knockin me out. Heck, I get this creepy feeling of balloons and boxes from just lookin' at him."

"Applebloom! What in tarnations are ya saying? Ya don't talk like that about our guests!......" Applejack says. She may have not recognized you, but she didn't take insulting others lightly. She then takes a hard look at you, and notices that despite your size, you had markings of an old strung out stallion.

She mutters silently "Even if he also gives me the heebie jeebies."

Granny Smith started to get real boiling mad at the rudeness of her own family. She looked at you as you tried to say a word. And again, spoke first. "Anon, grab a seat and sit down. Ah can feel mah blood curdlin deep inside and I'd much rather just start eatin' before I give mah ENTIRE family a great big whoopin'. I've never seen such disregard for a guest in all mah years. Ponies these days....and mah own family too."

"B-b-" You tried to defend them.

But again, she spoke. "Ya don't have to say anything, just get yer little ole' behind on a chair and start eatin'. Ya can watch how an Apple disciplines the younger generation."

And all three of them, finally catching on. say. "Anon?!"

Applebloom points to you "That's Anon? But that can't be right. Granny Smith...we're tellin' ya. That's not Anon, he don't even look like him. Anon doesn't have a mane color like that"

"Yeah, and what kind of colt has a dried up coat like that? Anon isn't that old, remember? Granny Smith?" Applejack adds.

"Oh really? And yer gonna tell me he ain't missing an eye either, hmmm?!" Granny Smith walks over to you, OH GOD NO!

"Uhhhhh...Granny Smith...are ya sure yer ok? Maybe we should-" But Applejack get's stopped as Granny Smith grabs your face before you could flee. And lifts your eyepatch.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Applejack and Applebloom scream as they grab each other from fright, Big Mac unable to handle it at all and falling over unconscious.

Actually, for all the shit that just happened. This was kind of funny.....maybe you could use this for the challenge tomorrow. Yeah, never mind. This wasn't annoying anymore.

Granny Smith herself was now confused. She looked at your eyehole, then at the screaming girls. "What? ya never seen a pony with a missing eye before?" Granny Smith rolls her eyes as she walks over to Big Mac "Back in my day, ponies would lose their eyes all the time from all sorts of horrible things. Timberwolves, manticores, low hanging doors. It was normal, but now with all your fancy smancy safety whatchamacallits. Nopony gets the grit and toughness of the ponies from my day" Granny Smith slaps Big Mac's face "Wake up Big Mac, yer embarrassing yerself."

You just plant your your butt on your seat and look at all the food while the conversation goes on.

"Granny Smith, that's definitely not Anon. And I'm gonna prove it!" Applebloom looked over at you with a stern look "If you're really Anon. Then you'd know where ah first found ya when we met."

Now that you were enjoying yourself. And needed some practice in not being a punk in the face of adversity. You just give Applebloom a smile, with a hint of arrogance. "The clubhouse right? Where my dad just put me there for reasons. I forget what they were, but this was a while ago. Before you girls got your cutie marks"

Applebloom's eyes went wide. It was you. But then that meant… She let out a sigh of relief "Ohhhhhhh..." She laughed in relief even. "IT IS Anon, hahaha. He must be wearin' his Nightmare Night costume. Ya just wanted to show it off right? It's really good. Ah almost thought ya really gouged yer eye out or somethin'"

You could see Applejack calming down as Big Mac slowly got back up. Due to Applebloom's confirmation, and the fact it was a costume. She was able to slowly calm herself down. She even felt silly about the way she acted. "Well I'll be a daughter of a cow, it really is Anon. Well, I gotta say. If yer were plannin' do go about scarin other folk tomorrow. That eye trick ya got is one of the best ah ever seen"

You smirk, part of you hated what you were about to do. But another part of you wanted to see their reaction so bad. Should you do it? Granny Smith did set the stage. you wanted to see them all react to the horror of your missing eye. If you didn't get some practice now. Then when? You needed this. For Discord's sake..and yours. "You're right Applejack, and all it took was me gouging my eye out to actually do it"

You take your hoof and lift your eyepatch as you stick your other hoof into the eyehole...it was..squishy..and actually hurt a little. But the effect....oh baby.

".....oh...it's a real...hole...ya actually-...." And with that, that was enough to knock Applejack clean out from fright.

As Big Mac got back up, he witnessed your poking, and fell back down. Making Granny Smith put her hoof to her face "And ah just got him up too"

Applebloom just calmly looked at her fallen siblings then looked back at you with a smirk "Well how'd ya like that, I lasted longer than them"

"What? You're ok with me missing an eye?"

Applebloom shook her head "Nope!" And then she fell too...geez. This was gonna be much easier than you thought.

Granny Smith grumbled at the sight. But you?....you felt pretty good about it all. Well, Applebloom didn't react like DT did when she knew it was you so she was obviously fine. So that's ok. But what you caused. Knocking out one fourth of the Apple Family like that so easily. It actually really felt...good. Even though they were your friends. You felt validated in your ability to scare. You felt happy that you stood a chance. And hell, it felt great just sort of being a dick for once.

But still, you could see Granny Smith was upset about it all. You could at least apologize to her for what you did. "Sorry Granny Smith, I didn't mean to scare them like them"

"Awww..." Granny Smith walked over to you and gave you a gentle rub on the head "Don't you worry about nothin' Anon, you ain't did nothin' wrong. What we got here is just a lack of iron will and integrity. Takes a lot of apples to gouge yer eyes out for a Nightmare Night costume. Ah commend ya for your bravery to the art of the scare. In fact, we're settin' somethin' up tomorrow. Wouldn't mind tryin one of mah older tricks on ya to see if I could scare the coat off of ya skin. How about it?"

How could you deny her? She was the only one able to see through everything. "It's a date. But uh........oh." You just realized something. Even though Applebloom seemed ok. What about Fluttershy? Did she even know you exploded? "Granny Smith...I'd really love to stay for dinner..and um" You look at the fallen ponies. "...yeah...But, I really really need to check on my Aunt. I'm worried about her"

"Worried about yer own kin, huh? Well, if it's important enough to skip a good meal then ya better get a goin' Anon. Also, ya really need to work on yer muscles. That fight with Big Mac was just embarassin'"

You nod to her respectfully. "Will do ma'am, and thank you. You take care ok?"

"he he" Granny Smith gave a cronish giggle as she patted your head again "Ain't you sweet. But don't call me "ma'am". It makes me sound old. Now git before you're too late for whatever it is ya gotta do" And with a farewell, you left off to Fluttershy's cottage to make sure she was ok. And even if she had never heard the news of you exploding. It was fine, you wanted to visit her anyway. Not to scare her. But she always put you in a good mood. As she was always happy to see you.

You'd have to make sure not to lift your eyepatch though. If that knocked out Applejack. It may kill Fluttershy. Like literal heart attack.

But you were grinning as you trotted. You felt, good...no..great...no..fantastic. With just a little overuse of magic. You were able to scare three ponies into unconsciousness. And you weren't even fucking trying. Celestia and Luna were going to be easy as hell. Woah..this feeling. "Huh..." You stopped mid trot as it penetrated your head deep. The feeling of.. "I wonder if this is what it feels like to be Discord? Having a good laugh at the chaos caused on a whim."

You didn't feel bad at all really. You'd know they'd all be ok. And the way Applebloom went down...damn..you wish you could have recorded that. "No wonder Discord got off from all the chaos. It's not that bad a feeling actually...haha. Yes..YEAH! Cannot wait!" You started bouncing along now, almost like Pinkie. "Gonna take them down so damn hard even Discord's brain is going to do loops trying to figure out what happened."

You stopped and looked up at the now orange sky. And smirked. "Oh man Discord, you're gonna see it. You're gonna see just how much chaos I can really wreak. Hope you don't get jealous that I'm better than you. HAHAHAHA"

You were talking to yourself, but you didn't care. You were feeling more pumped by the minute. This is how villains must feel when they feel close to a certain victory...luckily for you. You knew you wouldn't choke. Especially with unlimited power at the tip of your hooves. And that power..you could already feel it. And it felt good. You just couldn't wait.

And you bounced with these feelings all the way to the cottage. Stopping right at the door. You raise your hoof to knock, taking your time to look at the statues set to the front left side of the cottage. And as you look at it. it makes you feel a little hurt. Seeing the calmness and happiness of the scene.

You knew you got yourself psyched. And that you should calm down. Given where you were now. No....you'd save it for the Princess's. You take a moment to calm yourself. Then raise your hoof, and knock on the door.

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