• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,515 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 45

As you cuddled on your pillow, you could hear banging coming up from your door. It sounded like something was hitting pure stone.

"What the hell?....hmmm" You let go of your pillow and walk up to your floor door, and slowly open it.

You peek your head down, and before you was no longer a living room. But in fact a small garden with a bunch of statues of Discord. "..what the fuck?...This is a little, uhh, creepy… huh… Hey, Discord… you around?"

You here more banging and clanking coming from below. You decide to investigate. You place your hoof very carefully through the door and feel for the invisible gravity stairs. It was there...
You slowly make your way down from the ceiling to the ground of the statue garden and follow the noise to it's source.

Around you was various statues of Discord. He was in many different poses and costumes. It was pretty eerie. Almost as if he suddenly was capturing versions of himself that were turned to stone. They looked that good.

Finally, you spot him. He had a cap,goggles and a white shirt on as he used his talon as a chisel on a fresh slab of marble.

"What's all this?" You inquire

Discord stops and lifts his goggles to look at you "Oh Anon, you've returned. What do you think of my little garden?"

Creepy…

"Uhhh… It's nice I guess… but what's… uhh… what's this all about?"

"Well, since the train hobby didn't work out so well. I thought using my talents in chiseling and art would work out much better. And before you know it I had a whole garden of wonderful, beautiful, and quite charismatic me’s all around me. In fact, I even made a few Fluttershys to watch me work" He pointed towards a group of Fluttershy statues that looked like they were cheering him on…

creeeeeeeeepppyyyy...

"...uhhh...I uh.." This was so unsettling. It was like you were in Medusa's house. "I Didn't know you were so uhhh… good at making statues."

"Well Anon, one doesn't become a statue for one thousand years without picking up a thing or two. And I must say, having a bunch of me’s around is quite relaxing"

You'd say this was him just being lonely as fuck. But you knew that wasn't the case. He had Fluttershy, and anybody else that was willing to deal with him. He also had you. No, he really did mean what he said at face value… and holy fuck was it bizarre.

"Well uhh....Couldn't you have not turned the living room into the garden? What happened with the room you had the train set on?"

Discord looked at you, confused "It burned down remember? I couldn't do my work while it was still on fire"

"Yeah, didn't you like… magic the fire away or something? It can't possibly still be o… you know what… I'm not even going to finish that sentence because it probably still IS on fire… isn't it?"

Discord nodded. "Well, it is dangerous to try to calm the fire on my lonesome… though.." He rubs his chin "I suppose I could have made another room… but" He shrugs "The living room seemed the most sensible choice."

Course... Though, you couldn't be mad or hateful about this. It was his house, and Fluttershy did suggest he get a hobby. Nah, he's been pretty cool recently too. No reason to put him down. "Well, whatever makes you happy. So, is it just a whole bunch of yous and a few Fluttershys?"

Discord shook his head "Of course not. If it was just a bunch of mes and Fluttershys one might suggest I was obsessed. No, if you just turn the corner past the me with the mustache you'll see a small collection I made of another pony."

....huh..

"Alright, I'll go have a look see"

You walk past the Discord statue with the curly mustache and look around the corner. Besides the statues were walls of bushes… like a hedge maze. ".......woah..is that..."

The group of statues....they were of you. There was only a few. But… they looked remarkably like you in pony form. One was just a normal pose. The other was Discord holding you so tight that you looked like you were going to gag. And the last one was Discord shaking your hoof… but your face looked frizzled. Your eyes bugged out, and your mane and tail zig zagged… the fuck?

"Discord… what's uhh… why do I look so weird on that last one?"

Discord hovered over to take a look. "Oh that one?" He chuckled "I like that one. I call it "Ode to a joy buzzer""

...Oh… it's one of those… Still, you looked at the one where he was hugging you tightly, and then the normal one… then the one with the joy buzzer. All in amazing quality. You wondered why he would even make these. "So, why did you make these?"

"Why not? I figured it'd be nice if I made a few of my only son."

..hmmm..No...he had to have a better reason than that. You didn't see statues of anyone else.
"Is that the only reason? I mean..you made three of these. You could have only made one..and there’s one where you are hugging me....sorta..."

Discord was getting annoyed now, Seems he wasn't too keen on answering "Anon, Why do you need another reason? Isn't the one I gave you heartwarming enough for you?"

....ehh..no, it was his generic response at this point. You weren't really his son. "Nope, if you didn't want me to get curious you shouldn't have showed them to me. Come on Discord. I live with you, just tell me what's up so I don't have to feel like some creepy stuff is going down in the place I live at."

"hmph, you don't have any actual standing in this house… Oh wait… Yes you do. hrnnnn...." Discord laughed at himself "I can't actually be rid of you at all. It's as if I pranked myself. You'd think I'd be angry, but it's just too funny!"

You roll your eyes. "Yeah yeah, ha ha… stop avoiding my question and just answer it."

"Ohhhhhh...." Discord raised you up with his magic to eye level, he looked amused "you're demanding things of me again? Just because we're "roomies" doesn't mean you have a right to my private thoughts. There, don't you feel awful now?"

Hahahaa… no. You look at him with a smirk, you found that funny. "Who do you think I am? Twilight or something? You know that I don't give a damn just like you don't give a damn about privacy."

Discord chuckled "That's a good point." Then he started tapping at chin again, thinking. "hrn...I suppose I will tell you then. The real reason for these statues. You see Anon. It appears I've actually grown to like you. In a different way of course. Whereas Fluttershy is kind, nice, and makes me feel warm. You bring out what I like to passionately call, my "playful" side. You Anon, have not only managed to meet my expectations. But sometimes you even… well… exceed them. A very hard accomplishment indeed. Fluttershy was indeed right. I do like having a friend who I can talk to about all things chaotic. Of course, she can never know we actually have some fun actually committing a few… well… acts of chaos. Not the ones we've committed so far anyway. I'm sure when we get around with that suggestion you had about the changelings, then perhaps she'd be all ears to enjoy the tale of a us toying with a villain. But… there we go Anon. That's the very truth of it."

...Hoah… He just said all of that as if it was all good… And, it really was all good. It seems he took what Fluttershy told him in that episode with Tree Hugger seriously. Though, he had to essentially kidnap you to make it work. He actually considered you a friend.

"...you really mean all that? I mean, it seems kinda weird for you to just say that without more of a fight."

Discord nods "I do, friends don't fight each other over such trivial things. Since you wanted to know so badly why I made the statues. Then who am I to fight it? You're right. We live together, and therefore we have to care about each other and be friends. And, I'm glad it's you Anon. There was many candidates I could have chosen. But thankfully, my first choice was my best. You're… you're one of the best friends I've ever made… I suppose, it just upsets me when you get angry at me. I know I deserve it sometimes though."

Discord started to tear up. Oh geez, you actually made him sad. That was possible? Mnnn… now you started to feel bad.

"Ahh come on man… It's fine. I mean… I'm glad to be your friend. We started out pretty rocky. But damn, we actually make a good team.You're a fun guy Discord. And you made my wish come true. I know at first I could have been more grateful, but, you know, you were sort of a dick. But, mnn, I didn't know you cared that much. Yeah, no. I'm really glad to be your friend too Discord."

Discord, still teary eyed, looked at you with a growing smile "You really mean that? You're… really glad to be my friend?"

You nod. "Yep, it's fun. I can actually talk to you normally… sorta… about things. And under all that crap you pull, you actually treat me pretty good. You gave me a room, good food, you even helped me make friends. A little uncharacteristic of you. But hey, nobody's perfect right?"

You laugh, thinking you made a pretty good reverse joke. Discord has a bit of a chuckle too. Then he extends his talons to you "Put it here pal, to everlasting friendship"

Awww… yeah, how could you not. "To everlasting friendship"

You extend your hoof to his talons as he grasps you. the next moment you feel a huge surge of electricity surge through you.

"GDFDSFDSFDSFDFUFKCAEDAISDASKADAWDEWHWSA"

Discord, still holding you looks at you, then the statue of you getting zapped, then back at you "Darn… the mane and tail aren't supposed to be zig zaggy at all. They are supposed to be frazzled, how could I have made such an oversight. Now I'll have to start all over"

"FSDFSDFSDFSDFCSERFSEFDFSDF"

"And to think I actually spent an extra ten minutes trying to get it perfect and it all turned out wrong. Gee, I sure hope I'm not slipping with my old age."

"FSASFDASWDASDASDEFEFSAFS"

"Well… I'm not that old. only tens of thousands of years maybe. I'm as young as a foal. Hmmm, perhaps too young. Well, I suppose being a tad mismatched is a good trade off for my devilish good looks… what do you think Anon?"

"DDFDSFDSFDSFESFSDEFSDF"

"Oh who asked you? you wouldn't know a good looking Draconequus if they came up and did naughty things to you."

"DSFDSFSDEFSEFSEFSDSVFSD"

"Oh now you're just being downright mean. I don't think I want to shake your hoof anymore. And to think I thought we were on "Super good friend" terms"

"FDSFDSFSFSEFES"

Discord acted surprise "Ohhhhh… that's what you meant. Well why didn't you say so?"

Discord let's you go as you fall to the ground, shaking from the shock, Smoke coming from your ears. And although it was extremely painful. You were actually nowhere close to death due to it just being a chaotic piece of Discord's magic. Still, You couldn't even speak.

"tch tch, staying up to the point you can barely even move. Alright...fine...it seems I'll have to actually take being a father seriously and tuck you into bed." Discord rolled his eyes

Discord picked up your shaking stunned form and teleported into your room. Where he gently placed you on the bed and gave you a pat. Your body was still shaking however from the magical zapping. You weren't even coherent.

"You'll be like that for a little while longer Anon. I...I..HAHAHA" He started laughing mainacally "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY FELL FOR THAT! HAHAHAHAH...oh....yes...It's one of the best laughs i've had with you yet… still. I hope this doesn't put a damper on our friendship. I actually did mean what I said… for the most part anyway."

Discord puts the blanket over you "Now you get some rest now Anon, I could only fathom how busy you'll be tomorrow. I'll have breakfast ready for you for when you wake up."

You weren't really listening, you were still shaking and stunned.

"......hmmm..."
As he watched you shake and suffer, Discord sighed to himself and snapped his talons as the feeling of being shocked left your body. But the feeling was so overwhelming anyway, that you knocked out immediately.

Discord shook his head "Way to be a killjoy Anon, I pull a little prank on you and you have to make it look all serious. Hmm… you're not even listening are you? Fine, perhaps I won't pull that kind of prank next time. Since all it does is make you boring and annoying… hmm… Still not listening. Well then, pleasant dreams Anon."

Discord readied himself to leave with a snap. But after taking another look at you, he stopped for a moment. He sighed to himself. ".....hrn...I suppose one more statue is in order before I myself retire for the night." And then finally, he leaves you to rest in your shocking state of sleep.

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