• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 57

Author's Note:

Yes, I did an attempt at a shitty song requested by the readers....and I never did it again.

I also had to rewrite the entire intro to the chapter itself as the original first post from 4chan was never put into the pastebin. I goofed

Returning home. You and Discord have a round of victorious laughter among yourselves. Not only did you meet Chrysalis face to face. But you came out of it unscathed with sweet sweet victory. All you could think about was her reaction to being defeated. It was a dream come true!

"Ha! Discord! That was fucking awesome! That was the best fucking thing ever! That was... That was goddamn amazing!" You cheered in excitement.

"Indeed" Discord chortled "I hadn't had that kind of fun in quite a bit. Well, since the last time I toyed with Twilight"

"Dude, you were fucking amazing!" You clapped for him "I mean, did you see the way she reacted?"

Discord took a bow as he answered with an arrogant smirk "Oh yes, I did. And her vows of vengeance. Truly comical! As if she could do anything to us"

"Yeah! As if..." Wait a second. Oh dammit, she did make a claim for revenge, didn't she? "She... could... Wait. Hold on, she couldn't really do anything. Could she?"

Discord shrugged "Doubt it. Relax Anon, don't let this bother you. I doubt she could even find this place"

Except... "But didn't some mail pony find this place?"

Discord, only having a vague memory of that mail pony, nods "Yes, I suppose if a mail pony could find me then she could find us as well. Not that it matters, she'd have to be crazier than I am to come here… or a masochist.

Well that was reassuring, It really was, you felt safe and quite celebratory once again. Discord was pretty damn powerful. More powerful than her definitely. Nah, it was nothing to worry about. Even if she tried, she'd probably end up getting eaten or something in the end. Though, looking at Discord. You could sense that he wasn't all there. Looked like something was bothering him.

"Hey Discord, whatcha thinking about? You ok?"

Discord again looked down to you, he seemed lost in his own thoughts. You wondered what he could be thinking about, you thought he'd be celebrating right along with you. "Oh nothing. just preemptively scheming our next adventure"

Discord was lying. In fact, he was starting to think that he may have found the exact kind of friend he was looking for. He'd have Fluttershy for a side of order… and you for a side of chaos. He just couldn't figure out how to find a balance yet. He was, in fact, very impressed, very proud, as he had underestimated just how well you'd be able to get under Queen Chrysalis's skin.. He actually felt a closer bond with you.

"Already? You remember I have school tomorrow right? Speaking of, how exactly is that gonna go? Don't I need school supplies?"

"Are you worried you won't be ready for something as simple as school?"

You shake your head. "No, it's just it's going to be weird going to school again… in a pony world. I just want to make sure everything is the same as far as preparations go"

"Don't worry about that Anon, I'll have everything ready to go for you in the morning." Discord then chuckled "I just hope you're prepared to bring me nothing but A+'s given your actual age… oh, and if I have to be called in for a parent teacher conference, it better be because you turned the whole school upside down… literally or figuratively… I don't care which."

You smirk at him. "Nothing but A+'s huh? Ok "Dad", I'll do you proud… but uhh, seriously… that's stuff I got to worry about tomorrow. And since you said you got it handled… you wanna do anything right now? It's not like it's time to go to bed or anything."

Discord was a little caught off guard by that "You want to hang out with me?"

You nod "Yeah why not? I mean, you're Discord! Spirit of Chaos. You'd be surprised how many people want to hang out with you. And as for me in particular… I just want to hang out, we see each other all the time. But we never actually… you know, hang out. We just do things."

Discord didn't seem ready for that at all, he darted his eyes around "Hang out… Hang out… well… what do you want to do then? I doubt you'd like to do what me and Fluttershy does."

Cucumber sandwich's and tea? Nah, but… well… maybe you could actually. Just sit down and learn about him.

"Well, why not? There's a lot I really don't know about you, I just know from the show how you are. I mean, I'm sure nobody has ever actually wanted to talk about your antics when you got freed from your stone prison the first time. "

"Of course they don't, they don't appreciate that brand of chaos"

You sat your ass to the ground, and curled your tail. "Well, I'd like to talk about it. I want to know how you felt, why you did it. Everything. I won't judge, I get a kick out of that kind of stuff"

Discord was intrigued by your curiosity "You humans… This is why you're so interesting sometimes. Even tales of chaos, evil, and mayhem can catch your interest and make you want to know more. But, since you wish to know what I thought and how I felt during my chaos spree… well..."

Suddenly, all the lights went off. "What? Who turned off the lights?" Suddenly, you hear piano music as a spotlight goes over Discord, who was in his suit and top hat, he was… playing a Piano. "Discord?...what's going on?"

"Oh not much, just warming up to tell you my tale" Warming up...

"Oh wait… oh..." Oh… here it comes.
The music he was playing started to get louder, as you could hear more instruments playing around you. You slowly walked over to Discord.

"Well Anon" then he started to sing,slowly "The story of my revival isn't looooong. But if you wish to join in and sing alooooong. Then all you have to do is join in on my soooooong"

Oh god.. "Discord all I wanted was some normal dialogue, you can't actually be thinking I'd sing along? Just tell me how you had fun and messed with pone"

"Egads Anon, watch your tone."

"What tone? Oh no! What? Am I singing?"

Discord chuckles "Singing? I wouldn't call it that, not when you sound like a screaming cat"

"Ok look, let's stop this music and just get to what I want to hear, the story of Discord and how he brought chaos and fear"

Dammit, you couldn't stop.

Suddenly, you were in the Canterlot Gardens… but in the past. You could see Discord as a statue. “Well here I am, oh glorious me, turned to stone, but able to see. "See?" you ask? Well that's quite easy, it was all the order in this world… It made me quite queezy"

You kept your mouth shut. Discord eyed you, then focused on the piano as things started to play out like the episode.

"And then by sheer dumb luck, your friends came by. And of course, to nopony's surprise. They had a fight. That plight! that Spite! It was pure delight!"

the tune started to get more fun and jaunty, if it wasn't for the fact you refused to participate. You might dance along to it. "And then who came to reclaim his might?" The music stopped as you suddenly flew right in front of Discord.

He stared at you, waiting for your word. The music stopping. He… looked really into it. And as you looked at yourself, you saw that you too were in your suit and top hat.

Fine. "Discord"

Discord jumped up in celebration as the song continued "That's right! Freed at last and wanting fun, I went over to ole sunbuns, but of course being old and a dummy, I had to find some new friends, and get chummy."

"So the Mane six arrived to Canterlot Castle, where you just wanted to give them a hassle?"

"More than a hassle"

"Well now I'm baffled"

"No worries Anon, it's easy to understand. I needed to make sure there was unlimited fun to be had. But to destroy these ponies, no that wouldn't do."

"So you messed with the mane six, I get that you wanted fun. Warping their mind, you almost really won. But tell me Discord why you did all those things. There had to be a reason to ever-ry--thiiiinggg"

"Well, now I'm glad you asked Anon." Everything went dark once more. As Discord stood on his throne across a vast distorted wasteland. "Chaos And Disorder, that was the name of the game!"

"Remove strife and everything that's lame!"

"Everypony would adore me, by their will or not"

"While Equestria itself simply..."

"Went to pot?"

"Now you're getting it Anon"

"So there was nothing serious at play?"

Discord shook his head "no no"

"You just wanted order to stay away?"

Discord nodded "Far Away"

"Well then, I think I get it now, you just wanted to be a clown. Make the world your circus act, giving harmony itself a big ole whack"

"That's right, I would be king of all that's wrong, and it would go on forever long. They say that rulership comes to an end, but when it comes to me that concept can get bend!"

"It's bent… actually"

Discord rolled his eyes.

"So what's the conclusion to all this? That you just wanted to cause a mess?"

"Why, yes!"

"That's so simple, I should have known.."

"Well you did want to be told! And now we must conclude our little symphony."

"Oh thank god, Finally."

"That's right Anon, to the Finale!" The music blares as the lights go out for a moment. You find yourself alone on stage, balancing yourself on a cane. What? "I tried so hard to make it last, but in the end I was hit by a harmonious blast. You know the rest, through the window you glanced, now come on Anon, Finish with a big dance!"

What?! You could hear the music picking up for a dancing solo… Dance? Fuck… Everything was so grand. You could see ponies everywhere around you suddenly, glaring at you. all probably illusions. But whatever, they wanted a show. Time for a show. You had already got into the song.

You tried doing a two legged jig as you used the cane for balance. You tried to copy all the moves you could remember from old timey movies and musicals… but you sucked at it. Still, the crowd cheered you on. It motivated you. To try to end the song on a zinger.

"Chaos and Disorder, that was the name of the game....." You could hear the end of the song coming. You dashed back and tried sliding on your back leg knees, taking off and holding your top hat. "BUT NOW IT'S ALL LAAAAMMMEEEEE!"

The song ends. and the lights go off once more. You found yourself on the floor of the living room. Your attire gone. You look around, breathing hard, smiling. "Ha! Haha! How'd I do, pretty good huh?"

Discord face palmed "Now it's all lame? Anon really… we just messed with some changelings and you end the song with that? How does that make sense?"

"Hey… It was the spur of the moment thing… I've never been in a musical number, cut me some slack here."

Discord crossed his arms as he thought about it "I suppose I should. You did alright with the rest of it. So, did that explain everything?"

"Not really. But, I actually had fun with that. No wonder it happens so much on the show."

"You'd be surprised what you'd find fun once you give it a chance. But… if you wanted a simple answer. The simplest I can give you is I just wanted to have fun and create chaos. Of course… I suppose it's alright if I tell you this… After getting to know Fluttershy… I realized, there’s more to existence than just chaos. Sometimes it's nice to just… relax… have a cup of tea, and enjoy some quiet time with your best friend… That's not to say I didn't have fun with you. In fact, it felt glorious to scratch that old itch"

You smile at him. "That's pretty cool of you Discord. I don't know what to say really… just… thanks for everything. Thanks for the fun. I bet you make Fluttershy proud everyday. It must have been really hard to quit being a bad guy."

You've seen him on the show. He valued Fluttershy like no tomorrow. Even willing to get rid of other ponies just to hang out with her.

"Bad guy? me? It was just going to be innocent everlasting fun, that never made me a bad guy… " Discord said, then he sighed " Though I don't know what'd I do if Fluttershy ever saw me as one again..."

D'awwww. "I doubt she ever will. You're a good guy Discord."

"Oh I know I am, and I'm thiiiiissss close to convincing Twilight to letting me have a chair in her castle."

You chuckle at that, you felt comfortable.You felt comfortable around Discord. You were actually just having, a normal moment with him. "Well, if you get one. I hope your ready to solve friendship problems if that map ever says you’re needed."

"Are you insinuating I can't solve friendship problems?"

You shake your head "No… though… I'd love to see that actually. Hell, I'd watch an episode of you trying to solve a friendship problem. It'd be interesting."

"Interesting you say..." Discord started rubbing under his chin "You know… we still have the rest of the day. Why don't we go do just that?"

Wha? "Wait… you mean seriously go out and solve a friendship problem?"

Discord shrugged "Why not? We managed to cause some chaos as the perfect team. So… and I HATE using this phrase but… it stands to reason we'd be the perfect team in solving a friendship problem. Wouldn't you say?".

Actually… you wouldn't know… but the prospect was too good to pass up. You liked hanging out with Discord, especially now that he wasn't torturing you. And doing what the ponies have been doing for 5 years on the show. It'd be a interesting experience to see what it's like.

You nod. "Yeah… no, let's do it. Let's go solve a friendship problem! You and me."

Discord was delighted to hear that. "Glorious, we can get started immediately! Now then."

Discord pulled down a shoddy map of Equestria and stared at it. "Friendship problem… Friendship problem… who is having a friendship problem that only you and me can solve..."

Wow, he was serious about this… but… what pony could be having a friendship problem at this moment? Wait...

You slam your hoof on the map. "I've got it!"

Discord was looking at where you were pointing "What...in the dragonlands?"

Oh, wait… You didn't actually mean you were pointing somewhere. "U-uhh no, I mean, I know who we can help"

Discord was curious "Who? do you actually know of somepony?"

You nod. "Yes… it's the one pony who still has yet to show up again. I don't know what kind of changes it would cause. But I think we should help her before she shows up in Ponyville."

Discord was confused "Who?"

"...Starlight Glimmer."

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