• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 132

Welp, with that. You had to go on your way. You told Twilight that you could get there on your own and to take care of her wing. She accepted, still wanting to find a way to transport you there faster. But hey, it'd be fine. It'd give you time to think of what the fuck you're gonna do when you actually get there.

Hell, as you dashed off to her house. You were trying to remember exactly what you promised. Was it marriage? Did you say marriage? You know you said something if you couldn't find a mare that you'd pick her. But that far? Uggghhhh, you were just wanting out of the relationship so much that you said yes without too much thinking. You felt like you were in some kind of harem anime that just wouldn't end.

And what of Applebloom? You didn't even know what she thought of the whole thing or if Applejack could even calm her down. Fuck, you were going to have to be careful with all this. Diamond Tiara first though, she was obviously the most affected.

You could see the manor along the side. Good thing you still remembered where it was because it's been some time. It has been some time. And as you walk over to the door. A thought occurs. "...ahh shit...what if her dad is home?....nahhhh, he would have probably raised some sort of fit and had a group looking for you or something. He's not here....talking to myself again." You knock on the door, and wait.

And the door begins to slowly open. Was it DT? Her maid? Your pupils shrink the moment you see who's at the door.

..It was Filthy Rich, and he didn't look too happy to see you. Though, you thanked your lucky stars it wasn't Spoiled Rich...that would have spelled doom.

Well, the chance of him being busy somewhere else in Equestria was out the window. Whether he came home to comfort his daughter, or he was already home was now irrelevant. You put on your best smile, while sweating bullets. This was not a guy you wanted to piss off. "Good afternoon Mr.Rich..u-umm, is Diamond Tiara home."

Filthy Rich steps aside, to open the door wider for you. "She is, but Mr. Anon, would you please join me in my study for a private talk. I'd like to know more about this little promise you had with my little darlin'."

........Ooohhh god nnoooooo. You nod slowly and silently and slowly step inside as Filthy Rich leads you into his study. Man, you've only ever been in there when you were in trouble.
"Take a seat Mr.Anon." Filthy Rich pointed to a small seat set up right in front and facing a much bigger, comfier seat. He had really been waiting for you afterall.

You gulp and nod, your ears drooping down. "Yes sir..Mr. Rich" Ahh shit, no magic in the world was going to fix this. What was he going to say? What was he going to do? Maybe you shouldn't have come at all.

You sit down on the seat. Now feeling ashamed you made a promise to her at all. If you just resisted a little more. If you just had more confidence at the time. You probably could have told her off completely. It's too late now. Filthy Rich takes his seat. And looks at you, silently for a moment. Looking directly into your eyes.

You stare right back, doing your best to keep your cool, you weren't going to spaz. It was like he was analyzing you. After spending another moment staring at you. He began to speak. "So Mr. Anon, is it true you promised my daughter your hoof in marriage if you could not find another marefriend in your time growing up?"

You cringe slightly, you couldn't lie your way out of this one. And without knowing exactly if it was dating or marriage. You just decide to agree with him. And nod. "Yes, and...Mr.Rich, let me just say that I'm really sorry about that, and that I am sorry about what happened earlier. My fath-"

Filthy Rich held up his hoof and shook his head "I know, already heard it from our dear Princess. Don't need to hear it twice. Wastes time and distracts from this here topic of interest. Now, Anon. You are aware how frightened my little pumpkin was when you suddenly exploded, don't you?"

You sigh, and nod again. "I do. Again..I'm sorry. That's why I'm here. I wanted to personally talk to her about it so she doesn't have to worry. I heard she didn't exactly fully take Princess Twilight's word on it."

"She didn't, but she's a tough filly. She's been handlin' it better and better with every moment passed, but she's still hurtin'. As her father, I want nothing but her happiness. But you gotta understand Mr.Anon, I can't let you see her until I know your intentions. And that brings me to my next question. Did you intend on keeping your promise?"

Keeping your promise was something you did intend to keep. What good would being alone as a stallion be anyway if you couldn't get a mare? It was sort of a back up thing that just sprung up. Unless, by chance, you actually fell in love with DT somehow. In which that pretty much guaranteed a hook up. "I do sir, I didn't want to upset her."

"I see..." Filthy Rich looks to the side, looks like he was taking a moment to think on those words. "You didn't want to hurt my daughter. And yet, you intend on keeping the promise." Then he looks back at you, and says nothing more.

You raise your hoof to speak, you didn't want to sit back and take all of it. Surely he'd listen to reason if you spoke up. because the "and yet" part struck you odd. Wouldn't that mean that he meant that keeping your promise would hurt her? If that was the case...

"Mr.Rich..sir..please understand. There was a lot of pressure on me at the time, I didn't mean to get her hopes up like that. And I'm willing to call the whole thing off. An-"

"Hush Mr.Anon, I'm not done. In fact, you do realize who you are dealing with don't you?" His tone started to get angrier "Do you realize who's daughter you have been manipulating with your "adorable" wiles and silver slick words? DO YOU?!"

OH SHIT! DANGER! DANGER! "W-wait! Hold on! If I had said no. She would have been crushed. I was only thinking of your daughter..y-you can't-" Nope, fuck it. It was beyond repair now. So you tried to take the offensive. Because really, you were beyond him judging you at this point. "You can't do anything! I did my best! and if you can't accept that then fine. I don't need your validation! I've gotten far in Ponyville on my own merits! I don't need you telling me how good or bad I am. I already know it! I'm sorry Mr.Rich, but I'm going to do what I came here to do and then leave! And you can't stop me!"

But Filthy Rich didn't even flinch. He just sat there calmly, and raised an eyebrow "....except the fact that this is my home and I can have you thrown out. Mr. Anon, I am the lord and master of this home. And while you are in it, you will abide by my rules or so help me I will ruin your reputation so badly even the flies will shun you. How does that sound?"

That makes you go wide eyed...holy shit. That was just as bad, if not worse than his wife. Could he even do that? And this wouldn't just be on you, this could affect Fluttershy and Discord too. You cringe, not knowing how to proceed. But, still questioning. "You couldn't do that....you're...you'r-"

Filthy Rich stood up, looking angry, and yelling his lungs off. "I'M WHAT?! A TWO TIMING! BIT PINCHING! MONSTER! HMMM! MR.ANON, THAT'S IT I'M GOING TO-"

Oh shit, OH SHIT. He was yelling. and it made you flinch. What could you do? You couldn't just slap on your horn and blow him away or make him bow down to you. Who knows what he would do afterwards? Or how'd that affect DT. You were actually shaking. You fucked up. You tried going against him and you fucked up.

"GO TO MY OFFICES AND… AND… NGh.. HEHEH… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Filthy Rich suddenly broke into a laugh, and fell down, laughing hysterically.

.......What? "......" You didn't know what to say. Should you leave? Should you get angry? Why the fuck was he laughing?

"HAHAHHAOHMr.ANONHAHAHAYOU'RE...Hhahahaa...haha....hmmm.." Filthy Rich gets off the floor the moment he realized he fell down and slowed his laughter to titters before clearing his throat and looking at you with a softer looking expression of seriousness. But, you were stunned. What the fuck just happened? What was the joke? Why wasn't he trying to tear your head off? WHAT HAPPENED!

".....uhmmm...." You were so confused.

Filthy Rich smiled, stifling a laugh as he calmly sat down "Relax Mr. Anon, I just wanted to test your resolve. Although your reaction nearly made me have to call my own personal nurses from the fact that I nearly busted a gut. Now sit down, relax, I got a story to tell you"

.....What? "But...weren't you..what?...just..." Then it clicked...agh goddammit. he played you. So much for finally drumming up that confidence.

You sit down, annoyed with yourself. In which Filthy Rich notices. "Don't look so glum now Mr. Anon, I meant no disrespect. In fact..." Filthy Rich called out for his help "Sugar Lumps! Two hot cocoas , and don't make our guest wait too long!"

And you just sat there, and blinked, still not fully comprehending what the fuck happened. "I know what you're thinking Anon. Why isn't the rich and scary Filthy Rich not turnin' somepony like you to rags n' beans. Well son, I'll tell ya. It's because you ain't bad. In fact, when ah heard about the promise. It took all of my willpower to keep myself from dying of laughter."

Wut? You shook your head to get yourself out of your stupor. Why would he laugh? You seriously thought that would piss him off. "Why? I..sorta thought that kind of thing. You know, me and your daughter. I thought you would have been against it"

Filthy Rich let out a hearty laugh "Against it? What's there to be against? It possibly won't even happen Mr. Anon. You don't know much about a filly's whimsy now do you?"

Well...you thought you did...but fuck. What did he know that you didn't? "I...sorta thought so. I mean, I thought it was kind of a silly promise. I mean, who knows who the future holds."

"Ah, wise Mr. Anon, wise. But you seemed to believe somewhere in that mind of yours that the promise was set in stone. Don't tell me you didn't, or else that would have been your excuse from the start of our visit"

As he said that, that cute maid from before brought in a platter with two cups of hot cocoa. She expertly lowered her head to slide them onto the table without even a single spill. "Will zat be all Mr. Rich?"

He nods "That will be all Sugar Lumps, you may take a break if you want. Me and this little colt here will be a little bit"

"Very good sir" The maid, Sugar Lumps said as she stepped backwards out. Not even needing to look back to exit the study.

You take the cup, blow into it, and take a small sip. "I uh...well, I guess after awhile it seemed kind of definite. Especially after hearing about how she nearly ripped the Princess's wing off."

"Well, that's true. I suppose one would think that after that display. But Mr. Anon, what if I told you that a filly's promise can definitely change with time?"

"Well, I thought it could. But you mean the promise me and your daughter made specifically, right?"

Filthy Rich nodded "Mhmmm, you see Mr. Anon" Filthy Rich takes a sip from his cup. "That kind of promise making is something that comes from her mother."

What?! oh god.... "Wait...is that how you and Missus.." Ugh, that tasted bad in your mouth. "Spoiled got together?"

"Let's not ask questions Anon, I still got a story to tell. And I tell you, it's a good'un. You see when I was a colt, about your age I would think, I had barely nothing but a dream in my heart. See, I used to be one of the poor...or rather, not very poor but not exactly filthy rich. But I had big dreams and aspirations. I would frequently go to the richer areas of the town to learn their trade and secrets. And mix it with my own "can do" attitude and want to bring better prices and items to all the ponies of Equestria with the family business. Along my many" Filthy Rich let's out a chuckle "Many adventures, I happened upon a young filly who had fallen into some deep mud. Of course, I was raised to be a gentlecolt. And I'd eat my tie if I was going to let a filly try to get out of that grimy mud on their own. So I sprung into action, and saved her."

"And that was....Missus Rich?"

Filthy nodded. "You betcha. And I couldn't tell you how instantly stricken I was with her. And as it turned out, She was stricken with me. It was love at first sight."

Oh boy.... "What about the promise?"

"Hold your horses Mr. Anon, I'm gettin' to that. Well, as I said. We fell in love. And we would do everything together. She was much livelier back then. Saw the beauty of everything around her. Then one day, she had to move away. When I met with her one last time. She sprung the promise. That if I had never found a mare by the time we meet again. That we would marry, and be together forever. She wanted me to be happy after all. But our love was also near unshakable at the time, and she definitely wanted me to be hers if she could help it."

You just kept quiet, and continued to drink your cocoa.

"Well, as you can imagine, time passed. And I never saw her for quite some time. So I refocused my efforts on my other goal. And one cutie mark and an idea later. I started my own economical empire through Barnyard Bargains. But Mr. Anon...money isn't everything. That's how I felt anyway. So with my accumulated wealth, I sought her out to keep the promise we made long ago."

"And you found her? And got married?"

Filthy Rich shook his head "Actually....when I found her. She was on her eleventh coltfriend, And, I don't want to say much about it. So all I'll say is that she had changed since she was a filly. She had matured in a way. But, I being the chivalrous stallion that I was, waited. If she would not drop her coltfriend at the time, then I would not step in. But..well..that only lasted a day. So I met up with her face to face. She didn't recognize me at first, but when I dabbed some of the chocolate mousse from the table on my nose like the mud that was on me when I was a colt. She had recognized me instantly."

"It seems like she didn't wait it out like you did though, sir."

Filthy nodded "That's exactly my point. She had moved on from the promise long before I got to her. I even had to wait two more coltfriends before she would take me. And I was the one who stuck. We had a beautiful daughter together and with her help, we effectively tripled profits within the company and our affiliates beyond Ponyville as well"

But then he sighed, his enthusiasm in the story dropping as he frowns. "Of course, she wasn't exactly the same filly I was smitten with from long ago. Especially with recent events. But… ahrm..I won't trouble you with that Mr. Anon. All I have to say now to you is if you truly like my daughter, then don't give her up. But if you just want to be friends, then do not worry none about that promise. It'll fade as she matures. Do you understand, Mr. Anon?"

...Wow, so apparently Spoiled didn't used to be a bitch. But, the way she is now. You wonder if someone like her could even be reformed. Though, that was Mr. Rich's dealings. Not yours. You could only wish him luck, silently.

You nod, putting down your finished cup of cocoa on the table in front of you. "I do Mr. Rich. and umm...Thanks for not ripping me apart."

Filthy laughed "Haha, don't even worry none about it, son. But uh....can you go see my daughter now, let her know you're actually ok? She's waited long enough I think. She's upstairs, go down the hallway and make a right, then down that hallway it will be the third door. Got that?"

You nod.

"Good, now get. Before I start to ramble on about my younger days."

"Yessir, and thank you" You get up and go off to Diamond Tiara's room. While keeping in mind the words of Filthy Rich. No doubt the worry he caused you will be forever in his mind to laugh about. But, despite that. He was pretty based. Just trying to run his businesses while maintaining peace among his own kin. He was obviously doing his best with both worlds. Poor guy.

Even as you leave the study, you can hear another hearty laugh from Filthy Rich. He must have really found your reaction funny. Ugh, you're gonna have to read ponies better so you don't fall for something like that again...too bad you'd probably fall for something like that again anyway.

You head upstairs, down one hallway until it junctions to the right. Then get to the third door . This had to be the right door. Your memory didn't suck that bad. You knock.

No answer.

You knock again. No answer.

You press your ear to the door. No sound.

This had to be the right room. He didn't say the third door to the right or left. So by count. This was the right door. You decide to slowly open the door. Not like you could walk in on her naked.

The room was dark, with very little light. But damn was it grand. It was like a room fit for a princess. Tea set, dolls, grooming fashion mirror, and the bed was pretty damn big. Looked comfy too. But she didn't seem to be on it.

You begin to slowly and methodically look around. There were dolls, magazines, regal fixtures, all sorts of crap. You look over to the windows letting in the light. Most of them had their curtains closed but one. The windows themselves were tall. The whole room was tall. Even as an adult, unless you could fly. You'd never be able to reach the roof.

As you draw nearer to the window. You spot Diamond Tiara facing towards it, cuddling with a little pony plush. She was sleeping. her mane looked ragged. Poor thing, she must have been really worried. She didn't bother to fix herself up.

You sigh, you knew if you walked away without waking her. She'd probably wake up worried sick and....well, you realized you didn't know what she'd do. So yeah...better wake her up.

You step lightly towards her and put your hoof to her side and shake her gently. "Diamond… hey..Diamond… wake up."

She wasn't waking, she just groans and cuddles deeper with the plush.

"Diamond...come on now..."

She still wouldn't wake.

"Ugh..ok, how to wake her without scaring her. Let's see...oh...god. let's try something cliche. She probably won't actually remember it. But like any cartoon land that hopefully abides by cartoon rules, a kiss to break the curse will do the trick....talking to myself again..."

You lean in slowly to give her a kiss on the cheek. And as you do, her eyes open up to see your lips close in on her.

"A-Anon?" She says in a weak and tired voice of adorableness as she blushes and looks up at you. "A-are you going t-to.."

You go wide eyed oh shit, too early, too early! "Goingtocheckyourheartbeattomakesureyou'reokyesthat'sexactlywhatiwasdoing" You say in a hurried exasperation. No way, no fucking way you're gonna let it get in her mind that you were going to kiss her.

"O-oh...oh..Anon..wait..ANON?!" Then it hit her. She dove at you and cuddled on you hard, rubbing her head on your chest! "Anon, I'm so glad you're ok! I was so scared! I was going to force the entire class to go out looking for you!"

Ugh, why did this have to be so comfy and gentle feeling?! it made it harder to just shove her off when part of you didn't want to. Also...force? "Uhm..but, didn't Princess Twilight tell you that I was ok?"

"She did..." Even as she cuddled on you, her voice grew a little angry just from the thought of it. "But you weren't with her! How could she say you were ok if you weren't there for me to see that you were ok! I wanted her to take me straight to you. But she said she had to go tell other students! She could have done both!"

Ahhh..there's the classic selfish Diamond Tiara you knew and loved....who wouldn't stop cuddling you. "Well, you know. Letting everypony know I was ok is pretty important. I mean, we're not exactly together, you and me."

And that didn't stop the cuddling. "I know, but we still don't know what the future is gonna be like. Right?"

.....Right...ugh. "Yeah..well, as you can see. I'm ok. And I actually have to go make sure somepony else isn't having a freak out."

And that gets her to stop as she looks at you, with unaccepting eyes. "You mean Applebloom, don't you?"

...Ugh...the cuddling was actually better than that stare. Full of disapproval. "Well, remember. She liked me too. And well, you gotta admit. The way you're acting kinda makes it look like you and me are still a thing."

"You're point?"

...Oy geez. "Well, she's both our friends. And despite the fact I'm also not with her, but she liked me. Well, could you really let a friend suffer the way you did?"

Diamond Tiara got off of you as she pondered on that. And pondered she did. "...........Well, I guess that sounds right. But remember, you broke it off with her too. So don't you dare try to get back with her behind my back! Because I'll know Anon, I always know."

You didn't even get with her in the first place. You didn't even break it off. You just prevented it from being a thing. God, you couldn't imagine what Spoiled was like when she was a kid. The picture Filthy painted probably wasn't the one that you were thinking of. "Diamond. come on. Look, I told you. I just want to be single. I'm not looking for anypony right now. You remember the full promise though, right?"

She grumbled, she did. "Yeah...but still, if you ever do want a special somepony who isn't me. She better be worth it Anon. Or else..."

Her eyes...full of determination and darkness. It was actually frightening.

"Or else what?...."

"Or else I will crush them! I won't let nopony who isn't good enough be with you. I won't EVER let it happen. A pony like you deserves better than that....even if it isn't me."

Oh geez, that last part, you could tell ripped her heart in two right there. You could feel it. You better not press on it...in fact...

You get up and move up to her, and give her a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, I'm not really good at picking anyways. So I know I can count on you to keep me in check in case somepony tries to use me." That should work right?

From the looks of it, it did. It didn't even look like she heard you. She was blushing hard as she held her hoof to her cheek. It took her another moment before she started to speak in a dreamlike tone. "I know daddy won't like it....or mother...but..I'm never washing this cheek again...ever..." And then she fell backwards with a moanful sigh.

Scary how much sway you had on her affections....oh god...Applebloom was gonna be something worse you bet. "You ok there Diamond Tiara?"

"Mhmmmm..." She just laid there, looking at the ceiling with a smile on her face, eyes half cocked and dreamy looking.

"Well...uhh...gonna go check on Applebloom now. Umm..seeya tomorrow for Nightmare Night I guess.."

"ok.." She said in a dreamy state "I'll see you at....WAIT!" Suddenly, she sprang up. "BEFORE YOU GO!"

Woah, that made you step back, startled. She did it so suddenly. "W-what?"

"..can I...umm...see your costume?" She looked pretty eager to see it.

Costume...ahh shit right...costume...you didn't actually have one. Though, that could be fixed pretty quickly. Ehhh..why not? You were going to have unlimited charges for the night tomorrow. In fact...tomorrow. You were going to pretty much be sneaking around, trying to get the drop on the Princesses...perhaps...a more fitting costume built for espionage was in order. And you knew exactly who to be...even if the entire world of Equestria didn't get it.

You nod, giving her a confident smile as you step back. "Ok, but you might not know what it is."

"That's fine, whatever it is, I bet it'll look amazing on you, Anon"

Yeah, course. Ok... You pull out your horn, and slap it on your head. No doubt this thing was public knowledge by now. Even if the extent of it's power was not.

"That's your magical horn your father gave you right?" Diamond Tiara said, excitement growing within. She expected something grand.

"Yeah, I'm gonna use it to show off this costume."

"I can only expect it's going to be really high quality then. I can't wait! It's going to look so cool!" Oh yeah, she was at the edge of her seat.

Well, here goes nothing. You blast yourself with an aura of magic. Your mane changes color to brown as it grooms itself smoothly backwards. An eyepatch appears over your right eye. Your face becomes hardened, as a camo bodysuit with a weapons vest appears on you. A patch with a stylized fox, representing FOXHOUND, appeared on the shoulder of your left foreleg. You even grew a beard and mustache. as a bandanna appeared on your head. You looked like you had been in many battles. You looked older without actually growing in size. You looked brave, strong, and good with tools. You looked like a leader. You were.....Big Boss.

"This is good...isn't it?"

Ha, stylish..you hoped. You didn't have a mirror. But...it should be fine. Right?

Diamond Tiara looked like she was about to fall over from the spectacle. Her eyes were wide from amazement. "A-anon..you look.."

"How do I look?"

"Amazing!..You look like you fought in a war. Are those cuts and wounds even real?" She moves over to you, and rubs her hoof gently along your cheek. She only feels that your face is much tougher than before.

"I..don't know actually." Hrn...You actually had no idea how well the costume really was. As you think about lifting your eyepatch, Diamond Tiara inspects your mane.

"And your mane, it actually changed. It looks so...dashing" Oh geez, you didn't even feel a wig on your head. Did you overdo it? That made you definitely afraid to check under your eyepatch.

"But...who are you supposed to be? I've never seen any kind of pony wear that kind of outfit before." She was a little confused by it

You shrug, she'd never understand the complicated world of METAL GEAR. "Just a soldier who had it rough. In my head, he's this big tough soldier who is a master of stealth. Taking out super powered units of...ponies and blowing up specialized...chariots with crazy weapons on them"

"Oh....does he have a name?"

You nod. "Just call me....Big Boss"

"Big Boss?" And that..THAT is when it killed her enthusiasm as she rolled her eyes "That's kind of a stupid name isn't it?"

What?! "It's not stupid! it's a good title. Show's how great the guy was!"

Diamond Tiara giggled as she shook her head and patted your back "No Anon, it's stupid. But don't worry, I already thought of a much better name."


"And..what would that be?"

"Omnipotent Soldier. It's catchy and means you're good at everything. I think it's much better than Big Boss. Big Boss makes you sound like a mobster. And you don't look like a mobster to me, Anon. So, what do you think? It's a good name right?" Diamond Tiara awaited your obvious approval.

Although, you wouldn't exactly give it to her. But you didn't want to upset her either. Time for indifference! "Yeah, it's ok. I'll think about it. But uhm, I'm gonna get going now. You're going to be alright, right? Everything's ok?"

"Mhmmm, I feel a lot better now" Diamond Tiara giggled "Thank you for asking Anon, I know you really care about my well being. So of course it makes me happy to tell you I'm ok...though..." She begins to rub her stomach. "All that worrying did make me kind of hungry..."

"Well, you get something to eat ok? I'm gonna go and uh..do my thing."

"Ok, and..try not to explode? Ok...Omnipotent Soldier?" Diamond Tiara giggled, she thought the name was very heroic sounding.

All it did was annoy you...you were fucking BIG BOSS. "Right, no problem...you just get yourself something to eat, and if you need to, get some extra rest. You looked like you really tuckered yourself out with all that worrying."

"Ok, whatever you say...It'll just let me see you in action...in my dreams" She looked at you and batted her eyes. She actually was loving the prospect of going back to sleep. To dream of you saving her from some monster.

....Ohh ohh god. You really hoped this was a phase like Filthy Rich suggested. This was not sounding good for you.... Though, of course. You had to admit. Her admiration was adorable. Maybe she wouldn't make a bad marefriend?....ugh, even if you wanted to. It was still too early. Especially since..well..Applebloom. Last thing you need is her having some eternal grudge and being the...well...Season 23 villain.

With that, you packed up your horn, bid Diamond Tiara a farewell, and made off for the Apple farm.

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