• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 25

Filthy Rich began to speak in a sterner tone as he talked about the terms of the arrangement "Diamond Tiara, Anon. Now I want you both to know that I nor Mr.Discord believe this punishment should be too harsh or demanding. It's purpose is so the both of you can learn from your mistakes and understand each other and become better ponies. That is why..." Filthy Rich takes out a good sized pouch and places it on the table, the cling clangs from inside suggest it's filled with bits. "I'll also be handing you both this generously filled bag of bits.....with a condition of course. You both cannot use a single bit from this bag unless you both have agreed on what you wish to spend it on. Am I clear?"

both you and Diamond Tiara nodded, it sounded simple enough as long as she was willing to play ball. If not, no skin off your nose, aside from food. You couldn't imagine what you'd need to spend bits on other than snacks. You did start to feel a little bad though. It was obvious Filthy Rich was intent on this more than Discord was. Discord obviously just wanted this mess settled without any actual repercussion while Filthy Rich wanted you and Diamond Tiara to become friends...or something close to that. He obviously didn't like hearing what you and Diamond Tiara did. And you were sure he had never heard of a colt nor his daughter getting into that kind of a nasty spat. Still, even if things were to work out. It'd mostly depend on Diamond Tiara, and you weren't going to hold your breath on that.

Filthy Rich turns to you "Oh and Mr.Anon. You being the colt in this little duo. I expect a little more responsibility from you regarding my daughter. Nothing complicated, I can already trust you'll never fulfill those threats you made when you were out of mind. So the only thing I ask is that you escort my little darling back home before the sun sets over the horizon. You can do that, can't you son?"

again, sounded easy enough. You nod with confidence.
"Can do Mr.Rich, I wouldn't want to worry anypony"

Filthy Rich nods, satisfied with your answer "Good good. Now you two run along. And don't separate from each other for any reason, you hear?"

You both get up, and then turn to nod to him.

"You don't have to worry Daddy, I only want to make you proud." Diamond Tiara says with an upbeat cheerful grin

You say nothing. It seems the punishment was just being stuck with one another. The bits was obviously incentive in case you and Diamond wanted to do something or eat together. This was almost sounding like some sort of forced date.

You and Diamond bid a farewell to Filthy Rich and step outside the manor. Taking the bag of bits with you in your saddle bag for safe keeping.

out of his sight and range of hearing. Diamond Tiara's smile immediately turns into a scowl.
"I hope you don't think I was fooled by your silly little display"

That was quick.



You look towards Diamond Tiara with an arrogant smirk on your face. the last thing you concluded on is she'd probably fake all of this to get out of the punishment. You certainly were willing too as well if it meant getting out of this.
"Wasn't expecting you to be. And isn't that calling the kettle black? We were both playing him. Which is pretty sad...you're supposed to be his "Little Darling Princess" "

Diamond Tiara growled at you, she didn't like that remark "What was that?! You think you can tell me how to act?"

You shook your head
"Not what I said, only making an observation that you're not above being a little sneak.Also, you may want to watch that temper of yours. We are still right outside the door."

Diamond Tiara held her tongue hearing that. She didn't want her father to suddenly catch her any yelling she might do. She couldn't believe how easily she was losing her cool to some cutie markless colt. She takes a moment to cool down, then points forward. "Walk, we'll talk about this after we get past the front gate."

You hold your smirk, and nod. This was going to be fun. Not your fault she's a little weasel. Still, if this whole thing could be salvaged. You would make sure it works, if only because her father seemed like a pretty cool dude.

You both walk out, through the front gate and out of definite earshot. Diamond Tiara, calmer, had assessed her situation in her own way during the short walk.

You also took something of note. She wasn't afraid of you anymore. You had a curiousness as to why. But you wouldn't ask. Not unless she brought up something you could lead the question into.

Diamond Tiara started eyeing your body, taking a longer time to look at your flank "I don't understand..."

you tilt your head, what didn't she understand?
"What?"

Diamond Tiara pointed at your blank flank "I don't understand how a colt like you doesn't have their cutie mark. It's obvious that you aren't as idiotic as the colts here in Ponyville. You're definitely smart enough to have discovered your special talent by now."

hrn, this could be interesting. you decide to gauge her in conversation.
"I don't think being smart has anything to do with finding your cutie mark."

"Oh it definitely helps Anon.That's why Applebloom and her little brigade don't have theirs. Every attempt they make always have them making them look like total idiots. Why do you think I wanted you at my side? I was just trying to protect you from them. Despite being an orphan, you have the look and smarts of somepony of my stature.....close to it anyway"

You keep your cool. But you also can't help but be intrigued by her words. "Protect"?
"Protect me? I don't think I need any protection if all you are capable of doing is bullying Applebloom and her friends...which by the way..are my friends too. I'm already a Cutie Mark Crusader"


she stays silent for a moment, she didn't seem shocked. But you wondered what her reply would be.

She raised an eyebrow, looking at you inquisitively "I seem to remember you not really caring about Cutie Marks."

"I don't, but I like Applebloom and her friends more than I like you. You're just terrible, you know that?"

Diamond Tiara's eye twitched at those words, but she held fast to her composure."Those are big words coming from a colt who threatened to hit a girl"

You roll your eyes at her
"Because threatening a jerk is something to be ashamed of right? At least I had good intentions"

Diamond Tiara huffed, then continued her march forward into town, you following. The trail she was taking seemed pretty aimless so far. "I don't get you. There's nothing wrong with what I do. Maybe if they got their act together they would have their Cutie Marks already. It's not my fault that I'm better than them"

You stop, you stop dead in your tracks as you feel your temper slipping. Not enough to do anything rash. But you had to remark on those words.
"Excuse me? Do you even listen to yourself when you talk? Do you not notice how malicious that sounds?"
You almost couldn't believe this. How could anyone not notice?

"Malicious? Me?" Diamond Tiara stopped and turned to face you, she looked insulted "I'm not malicious, I'd like to think of it as another form of encouragement. Maybe if they realize how stupid they are, they might stop to think of what they are doing instead of doing everything under the sun. They even get in the way of me sometimes, Anon. And even when they succeed, they STILL don't get their Cutie Marks. Clearly they are nearly beyond hope if Snips and Snails can get their Cutie Marks and they can't; they might already be beyond help actually"

some of that you couldn't argue. Even if she put it in harsh wording. You knew how single minded they were. They clearly had talents but never actually stopped to practice them. instead always moving on to the next thing. Still, you had an inkling she was trying something.
"I'll admit, they are a little disorganized. But that doesn't mean you should go and hassle them. No matter the reason."

Diamond Tiara gave a smug chuckle to your words "Do you listen to YOURSELF when you talk, Anon? You haven't been around them like I have. They are trouble. They even have a tendency to almost ruin other ponies lives, it's only a matter of time before they actually do."

Ok...that's also true. And you wish you could say it. But you knew they also helped lives, like Troubleshoes.

You answer with the only words you think you can get away with without arousing suspicion.
"I think you're exaggerating, they are just three fillies just looking for their place in the world."



boy, you were starting to feel pretty dumb. You were having a conversation with this bitch. Instead of just pummeling her with your superior human mind. But...you were just too intrigued. This was probably one of the few chances you'd get to actually understand what she actually thinks.

"And where's your place, Anon? I don't think you really mean what you say about Cutie Marks. I just don't think you've been given the chance. We're supposed to be learning from each other and being friends right? Why don't we actually do that then? You'd change your mind about Cutie Marks real quick. You're better than the others. I've never met a colt as smart as you"
Her gaze was becoming softer, warmer, gentler.

But you just raised your eyebrow, skeptical of where this was headed
"Let me guess...I just have to drop Applebloom and the others right?"

Diamond Tiara hesitated, she said nothing at first. It looked as if she was thinking of something to say before actually replying. "....not really..I don't want to tear you away from your first friendship out of whatever orphanage you came from. I'm just asking you to be my friend. That way we can share our perspectives like we are supposed to. I'm sure daddy would like that. And considering your dad...somehow...agreed to this whole thing too, then you'd definitely win points with him as well. Who knows, you might actually come to understand what I'm talking about. And if you think about it, it makes sense. With me as your friend, you'd be able to enjoy so many luxuries you normally would never have."

Enticing...If you were a dumb as shit kid. She was up to something.
"I'd rather,if possible, we all be friends. And that's really stretching it since to be quite honest. I don't really like you."

You felt you could get away with that. You both had to make it seem you were ok with each other for this whole thing to end.

Diamond Tiara shook her head, but she didn't falter from her resolve. "Anon, maybe if they had their Cutie Marks, I'd think about it. But they'd only bring us down if we were ALL friends with each other. Let's keep it simple."

"Let's not. Look, I'm not interested if it's going to hurt Applebloom and the others. So unless you actually want to give this a shot.I say we go right to pretending and just waste the day and get it over with. How does that sound?"

She didn't agree with that, and stepped even closer to you. Her eyes half closed, dreamy, seductive. What was she up to?
"Come on Anon...I can help you. I can do things other ponies can't. Who knows..." She slides her hoof gently under your chin "I might find you more interesting if you just say yes..."

..ugh...it felt nice being touched by her. She was cute enough. But still, you would not be swayed. Your dick was not in command here. You back away. You saw what she was doing. She just wanted you to betray the CMC. Another way to get them to suffer.

"Nope... Sorry Diamond Tiara, but I'd rather be a Cutie Mark Crusader. So you can stop. Either take MY offer and get over yourself. Or just be the slime you are used to being. It doesn't matter to me, nor does it bother me."
Diamond Tiara started stomping her hooves in frustration and anger "why.why,why,why,why,WHY?! I've even had those Dumbymark Pinheads eating out of my hooves once! What's wrong with you...Nopony denies me...NOPONY!"

She gets some spit on your little tuft of fur on your chest. You just look down calmly, blink, and wipe it off
"...gross..."

You swear you could see steam coming out of her ears as she stared at you with daggers in her eyes "LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE WORM! I'M BETTER THAN YOU! I'LL ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN YOU! YOU'RE JUST SOME TRASH NOPONY WANTED. TO THE POINT THAT EQUESTRIA'S BIGGEST LUNATIC DECIDED TO ADOPT YOU! I GAVE YOU AN OPPORTUNITY AND YOU BLEW IT BIG, ANON! I COULD CRUSH YOU, YOU KNOW..ALL I HAVE TO DO IS TELL DADDY YOU WERE MEAN AND A BULLY!"

You stand there, unmoved by her anger
"You done? Because that wouldn't work.."

"OH?! AND WHY NOT?!"

suddenly, you pouted, and started to whine and cry
"I'm s-sorry Mr.Rich. I-I tried my best. B-but she wouldn't stop insulting m-my friends. S-she wouldn't stop hating them just because they didn't have Cutie Marks. S-she thinks they are lower than dirt...even Applebloom and Sweetie Belle...sisters to Princess Twilight's best and most trusted friends, I didn't mean to say those things Mr.Rich, but she said such horrid things...such..horrid..things.."

You then gave Diamond Tiara a cocky smile
"Two can play at that game. And I'm sure your "Daddy" wouldn't like to hear how you rag on them. He probably does have some business with Twilight Sparkle...wouldn't want to ruin that, would we?"

ohhhh..you felt positively conniving and sneaky, It felt nice.

Finally, Diamond Tiara began to falter. She didn't want that to happen. "Y-you're bluffing, daddy wouldn't believe you over me"


You chuckle
"He already thinks I'm quite the gentlecolt. And you already goofed up since thats exactly how you and I ended up in this situation. There's no where left to go Diamond Tiara. I've won. You lost...Now how about we get some lunch and make things look pleasant for the crowd, huh?"

She didn't calm down however. Suddenly there were tears in her eyes, She was beginning to cry "How?....how can you do that? You can't...I'm supposed to be the best. How can you just sweep me under the rug like some common bug?"

oh come on, did she think you'd feel bad over this? You didn't even feel bad about most tragedies that happened on earth,
"Don't do this, it won't work on me"


But she just continued to bawl and cry. And as she did, other ponies started to notice. Some even coming to investigate the situation.

At first you didn't care who saw. But then you quickly realized she was on the ground crying. And you seemed perfectly alright...and seemingly even cruel.
Shit.....You just realized what she was doing.

"What are you doing? stop already"

But she wouldn't, she only started to wail louder. the few that went to investigate started to get closer.

You quickly sorted through your options. But you had nothing. You'd seem the villain once they caught wind of it.
"F-fine! Y-you win...S-stop crying already"

She lifted her head slightly to look at you "Will you do what I say? or do you want to deal with them?....my Daddy would eventually find out"

Fuck.....FUCK. Dammit. You wouldn't even care if it wasn't for Discord's "Truth". You'd find some way out of it on your own.
"...fine..But that doesn't mean we're friends..."

"That's fine...We can work on that later...."

That little sneak, in her moment of actual sadness she must have come up with a plan to garner attention. She was able to use her temporary defeat to bring up a waterfall of tears. You almost had her. But she was a girl, you were a guy. And she was on the ground crying. You couldn't risk it.

As the onlookers gathered. Diamond Tiara raised from the ground and gave you a hug "Thank you Anon, Your pep talk really made me feel better! You're such a great friend!"

You silently grumbled, then put on a distorted smile as you hugged her back. Internally screaming at yourself.
"N-no problem..."

The onlookers were perplexed, they thought you did something to make Diamond Tiara cry. Which you did, but thanks to that display. They felt they made a mistake. A few found you two cute. One even remarking that you could be an adorable young couple. After a little while longer. They dispersed to continue on with their day.

Good...fucking....grief....you needed to recover and think of a new plan.

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