• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 85

The morning comes. Or whatever time it was. Your alarm didn't go off, it wasn't set. Discord's alarm didn't go off, it wasn't school. So you get a good night's rest.

You open your eyes slowly and yawn. "...uhmmmm, yeaaahh, I feel good" You roll off the bed, and stretch. "Time for a fun day, fun fun fun. Lesse, CMC first. Then see if I can get Ponk to join me with Lyra and Bonbon. See if I can work Fluttershy in there." But then, a certain something comes to mind. "Oh yeah, almost forgot!"

You grab your horn, and slap it on your head. Then toss your cardboard wings onto the bed.
"Time for perma wings… wait" A thought occurs "Why just perma wings? I could probably make the horn permanent too. I wonder if that'd make me more powerful than Twilight or Celestia."

You nod to yourself. "Ok, let's do this. ALRIGHT, WINGS AND HORN THAT I ADORN! BECOME LIMITLESS FOREVER MORE!" You figured you didn't actually need any actual magic words. But, whatever. You tossed it in for good measure.

Your horn started to glow erratically. "Ohhh shit, it's happening! It's HAPPENING!" The horn blasted a beam directly at the wings, then back to the horn.

You weren't sure if anything happened. "Huh… Did it work?" Before you could try using another spell. The horn glows again and lets out a giant bubble that hovers in front of you. Discord slowly becoming visible within it.

"Hello? Hello? hrnn, I can't tell if I'm actually recording this. Buuuuut, Anon. If you are seeing this then that means you tried to bypass my limiters that I put on your magical items. Now I can't be mad since I'm simply a recording. But I can tell you that it didn't work. But don't fret, your horn will still have it's charge so you don't feel cheated. Oh, and one last thing. This message bubble will self destruct in zero point ze-"

Before you even had time to react, the bubble explodes violently. Leaving you in black soot all over the front of your body. You spit out some smoke, and cough as you wave your hoof in the air. "D-dammit..." You cough. "Fucking Discord. mnn, well. At least my horn still works."

You cough again and start rubbing the soot off with your hooves, patting yourself off. It takes a little while. But you do a decent job. "I wonder if he's here. Probably is."

You open your floor door and look down into the living room. "Discord? You around?" No answer, but you spot a bowl of oatmeal on a small table and a note. Must be breakfast.

You walk down the invisible gravity stairs. And stare at the bowl. Like all his other food. It looked legit. Smelled of sugar and cinnamon. Yum.

You take a look at the note. The note read as follows "Anon, If you are wondering where I am. I am hiding around Twilight's castle. All four princesses are around and having a rather serious sit down on what to do about the changelings now that "They have become more active and vicious". How droll. You don't need to come if you don't want to. I don't mind. But if you wanted to meet Princess Luna, now is your chance. I should have a date on when they will strike down on the changelings by the end of the day. See you soon, or later. Or whenever. - Discord"

Meet Luna huh? "Noooooope." You crumple the letter and toss it. The princesses were obviously doing something important. And you really had no reason to see Luna, despite curiosity. And besides, you being there would only be a risk. No, you'd just continue on as planned.

You eat your breakfast, and leave the bowl on the table as you walk back into your room. You remove your school supplies from the saddlebag. and pack in the horn and wings. The horn, you had a charge in it for the day. You wondered what you would use it on. You open the portal door and step through. And head over to the clubhouse.

You wondered what crazy plan they'd have for you today. You also knew Diamond Tiara and even possible Silver Spoon would be there. As long as the whole break up thing went through as smoothly as it seemed. Then there shouldn't be too big an issue. Though the idea of two females fighting over you was a little enticing. But eh, that ship had sailed.

But as you begin the pass by the farm and to the clubhouse. Something in the in between catches your eye. "What the fuck?"

There was some sort of Boxing ring set up. Two tents on two sides. And even some bleachers. Though there was. Wait… was that Lyra sitting on one of the benches? It was. No Bonbon though. There was also a few ponies you didn't know with hard hats.

Curious, you approach the ring. And as you get closer. You notice another familiar, but much smaller, animal on the benches. Angel. The hell was going on?

As you walk closer, Out of one of the tents is Sweetie Belle, the moment she notices you she waves her hoof to flag you down.

Whhhaaattt the fuuuuuuuccckkk is ggoooiinnggg ooonnnn

It seemed Lyra and Angel hadn't noticed you. They seemed to be waiting patiently for something. You hesitantly head over to the tent Sweetie Belle was at. She goes inside as you draw near. You reluctantly enter the tent. In it were Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon… but no Applebloom.

"G-girls? What's all this? What's going on? What's with the fighting ring outside? Is something important going on? Where's Applebloom."

"Woah, calm down Anon. One question at a time." Scootaloo said, unable to keep up.

"If you're wondering what's this all about. Well, it's got to do with getting your cutie mark." Sweetie Belle said.

You look around, there was a punching bag hanging, and some weights, and all that stuff meant for training. Da fuuuuuck? "What does this all have to do with getting my Cutie Mark? How did you even get all this stuff here?"

Diamond Tiara stepped up, with a proud smile on her face "That would be me. I asked Daddy if he could have some of his workers set this all up. We couldn't get a trainer though, so we we're going to try training you. But, we're almost out of time to even try all of this out"

All of what out? What the fuck? Were they going to have you fight? This was all really elaborate. "Diamond, was this your idea? Are you girls going to have me fight somepony or something"

Then Silver Spoon spoke up, pointing to herself with a little pride "Actually, having you fight was my idea. I thought about how you saved Diamond Tiara from two stallions. And I thought, well. Nopony could ever do that. And that means that's special. And you know what that means right?"

Special talent. Ahh fuck. It always goes back to that doesn't it? You already knew you couldn't really fight. Or maybe Shining was just better than most. Still though. Where was Applebloom? "It means it could be my special talent. Yeah, that's pretty smart thinking."

Silver Spoon nodded with a proud smile. "I thought so too. Though I couldn't have gotten any of this done without Diamond Tiara. She got it all to totally happen."

"Well, when you’re rich. You just have this certain way of getting things done." Diamond Tiara chuckled to herself.

You looked to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo "So, what did you guys do? Where's Applebloom?"

"What did we do? Ha! Something just as important. Me, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom managed to get you the perfect opponent and get the permission to set the ring up here by the farm. Without us, we'd have nowhere to fight and no opponent to fight"

"Oh! and Applebloom is in the other tent ,Anon" Sweetie Belle said, giving you a pat on your back "I hope you're ready."

Hope you're ready?! What the hell! You just got here and they already expect you to fight?!

"I can't fight Applebloom! She's a girl! You're not supposed to hit girls!" Or to be exact, you’re not supposed to hurt girls who are family to ponies who might beat the shit out of you for it.

Sweetie Belle giggled "What? You're not gonna fight Applebloom."

You weren't? Then who? "Who am I fighting then? I mean, did you guys stop to think maybe I shouldn't be fighting at all?"

They all look at eachother, and give you a collective no. Of course.


You sigh, so. The first thing you were going to do for the day… was fucking fight. This was really really unexpected. What if you got clobbered? or if you clobbered whoever you were fighting? Dammit… hopefully your opponent was Snips or something.

"Ok....then who am I fighting?"

"Applebloom's brother, Big Mac. But don't worry Anon, He's been training not to demolish you. To keep things fair." Scootaloo gave you a confident smile "You'll do fine if you just fight him like you did those two other guys,"

"And don't worry if you have an easy time. Big Mac is also training with Applejack to fight harder if you fight harder. That way you won't beat him easily either!" Sweetie Belle gave you a cheer "Yeah! You'll do fine!"

BIG MAC?! FUCKING BIG MAC?! HOW THE FUCK WERE YOU EVEN GOING TO HURT HIM?! HE WAS GOING TO TURN YOU TO PASTE! Well, he would if this was a serious fight. Still, you didn't know if he'd still hurt you or not.

You gulp. "S-sure. So, if Applejack is a part of this too. How did, well. What exactly did you three say to convince them to make this happen?"

"Oh that's easy Anon" Scootaloo said with a smirk "I actually came up with the idea"

"Well, what is it then?"

"Simple, we offered to help with the farming for a whole month. Well, me and Sweetie Belle anyway. Applebloom already does farm stuff. We are all pretty sure this is gonna get you your cutie mark."

Sweetie Belle cringed at Scootaloo's words "Yeah… we hope so anyway. I'm not exactly keen on farm work if it turns out this was all for nothing. But" She sighs "We have our own Cutie Marks now, which means we have a new responsibility. So, we gotta do whatever we gotta do to help anypony get theirs too"

Ohhhh, god. Sorry Sweetie Belle. But that was probably most definitely was going to happen. But then…

"Wait..." You turn to Diamond Tiara and Silver spoon "You guys aren't part of the farm work thing?"

Silver Spoon shook her head "Are you kidding? That's backbreaking labor you're talking about. I'm not doing that!"

Diamond cringed a little, it didn't dawn on her that she essentially dodged a bullet at the cost of her new friends having to suffer "Y-yeah, daddy was nice enough to get this done for us. But I don't think he'd want me doing farmwork for a month. Not without being paid at least."

Diamond's reason was better than Silver Spoon. Probably still bullshit. But it was clear Silver Spoon was a slacker. But...you had bigger things to worry about. "So when's the fight then? Can I get a little time to check things out?"

"Sure! We'll go tell Applebloom that you're not quite ready yet." Sweetie Belle said.

Scootaloo held up some sports shorts, kind of like boxer shorts to you. "Oh, and put this on. Since you're gonna be fighting. You're gonna need fighter shorts. I dunno if they're clean or not though. They came with the tent."

Gross? Maybe. Hopefully not. You reluctantly take the boxer shorts. "So is your dad actually here Diamond?"

She shook her head "He wanted to be, He's been wanting to talk to you for a while now actually. But he's been busy. And he doesn't want to bother you."

Busy dad. But at least he cared about Diamond more than that bitch of a mom. You look at the boxer shorts in your hooves. And take a sniff. Smelled clean. Ok.

As you start to put them on. You notice that four pairs of eyes were staring at you. "Uhhhhh, some privacy please?"

"Oh, uhh. Right right. Umm. We're gonna go see Applebloom now. When you're ready, just call for us. haha" Sweetie Belle was blushing when she said that.

In fact, all of them were. As they exited. You realized how initially stupid it was to ask for privacy for just putting on shorts. Especially since you were already naked. But then again, things like this happened in the show too.

You wondered if the "Ponies are sexier with clothing" thing from the board was actually true. Then it dawned on you. Holy shit, did they all get lewd thoughts or something?!

You nod to yourself. "Yeah, I'm sexy and I know it" You chuckle as you put on the boxer shorts, and peer outside the tent.

Those ponies in hard hats must have been the ones who set up the fighting ring. But then there was Lyra and Angel. You were curious as to why they were there. You step out to talk to them. Well, talk to one of them. With Angel it'd be near one sided.

The moment Lyra notices you she smiles happily and waves and yells. She was sitting… oddly humanish. "Anon! Anon! over here!"

You walk over to her, and smile at her as you greet her. "Yo Lyra, uhhhh. What are you doing here? It's kind of weird just to see you randomly like this."

"Oh, well. I was going to see Bonbon. But when I got to her house. There was a note on her door. It happens sometimes. She goes and does "Things"."

"What kind of things?"

Lyra realized she probably shouldn't have said that "o-oh, you know. Mare things… that mares do. um. But uh. Yeahhhh. Since she wasn't there, I had a lot of free time. So I thought I'd give my friend Pinkie Pie a visit, since the train to Canterlot is down and all. But when I saw her, she was running over here for some reason. So I followed her and saw alllllll of this! So I just decided to sit down and see what happens. No idea where Pinkie went."

Huh, so she had no idea what this was all about. "So, you don't know anything that's going on?"

Lyra shook her head "Nope! And, ohhh, those are some snazzy shorts. Is this some sort of fashion thing? If it is! I already vote for you! I just need to know where to vote!"

You giggle, cute as ever. A little more ignorant than Pinkie too. You also wondered where Pinkie was, since apparently she came here in a rush. "No, it's actually some sort of fight, or spar. Or something. I'm gonna be fighting a pony named Big Mac"

"Oh! I know him. But, Anon, if you're gonna fight him? How do you plan to win? Actually. Why is a colt fighting a stallion? That seems pretty wrong."

"I think it's more of a spar really. I don't think any serious fighting is going on. It's just a plan to get my cutie mark."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, I get it. Well, you can count on me to root for you! I'm really good at that. But don't get distracted by it. I wouldn't want you to lose due to my hopping around."

Awww. "Thanks Lyra, and thanks for coming. I dunno if I need the support. But it's definitely appreciated."

Lyra giggled. "There you go sounding like an adult again!" She gives you a pat "I'd say not to grow up too fast, but in this case. It could actually help you in this fight. Ahh, I'm sure nothing bad will happen. And if it does. It'll be on your opponent! Good luck Anon!"

You couldn't help but smile. She was a real sweetie. And cute. "Thanks again Lyra."

You then walk over to Angel, you weren't enthused to see him. Why was he even here? How did he even know to come here? Hmm. Unless you wasted your horn to understand him. You'd probably never find out. Still… "Shouldn't you be at Aunt Fluttershy's?"

Angel shrugged, he had a small cup with him with an orange liquid. Carrot juice?

"I'm not gonna even bother to ask how you knew to come here. But, why are you here?"

Angel smiled at you. He pointed at Big Mac's tent. Then pounded his paw into his other paw, then pointed at you. You understood that. That was universal for "I came to see you get knocked the fuck out"

You groan. "I should have known. Whatever, you don't know if I'm gonna lose. I could very well win this thing, you know?"

And at the end of that sentence. Angel started to laugh. And laugh hard. He was rolling around in uncontrollable laughter. Cocksucker...

Fine, whatever. Who knows how this was going to go. Who knows. You might actually get your Cutie Mark in this. You couldn't use any cheap tactics obviously. No nutsack hitting. Big Mac didn't deserve it.

Besides the farmwork thing. You could also only think that the Apples are also doing this for the same reason they were. To help you with a Cutie Mark. No doubt they knew about the incident as well. Probably agreed to also make sure the fight wouldn't get out of hand, or hoof in this case. But this was all speculation.

You climb up to the ring and stand at the center. And call out to Sweetie Belle and the others to let them know you're ready. Who you could presume were your team. Since Big Mac got his siblings on his side.

You took a breath, and stood at the ready. Hopefully. You weren't going to get laid out. Maybe you could win? As you wait. You drop your saddlebag to a corner, and begin hopping from side to side, and try thrusting your front hooves forward as you balance on your back hooves. Not as easy as it looks.

After a little shadow boxing. Big Mac's tent opens, Sweetie Belle,Diamond Tiara, Scootaloo, and Silver Spoon stepping out and moving behind the ring where their tent was. Following them, was the Apples. All of them. Even Granny Smith.

Big Mac had his own set of fighting shorts. And given his expression. He seemed pretty reluctant to fight you.

"Remember Big Mac, he's just a little fella. Ah know he beat two stallions and all. But there ain't no way he can take one of yer hits. Be gentle with him" Applejack warned her brother.

"Yeah! And uh. Try not to step on him either. Anon is kind of jumpy." Applebloom gave caution.

"Why are ya both tellin him to be careful? Do ya see that bear? One wrong step and it'll tear him limb from limb!" Granny Smith hollered.

"Uhhh, Granny Smith. Big Mac ain't fighting ah bear. That's a colt" Applejack said, bobbing her head towards you to show Granny Smith to where she should look.

"Hrrnnnn… I coulda sworn it was a bear. Why is Big Mac fightin a youngin' again?" That don't seem right fair"

"It's not really a fight Granny Smith. It's more of a friendly tussle. We're just helpin' the fella earn his Cutie Mark. Applebloom and her friends brought up ah pretty good point. Beatin two varmints is pretty special." Applejack said, she too was pretty impressed by your false victory.

"Eeyup!" Big Mac said, agreeing with her.

"Well, ah guess. Seems a little one sided to me. But I'm always willin' to watch a friendly tussle. Let me just go get mah rockin' chair."

"I'll get it for you Granny Smith!" Applebloom cheerily said as she jumped into the tent to get her chair.

Big Mac stepped into the ring, and stood before you at the ready. He didn't say anything really. Just towered over you.

This… was gonna be a hell of a fight.

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