• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 21,630 Views, 3,533 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 262

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Anon drinks some nothing.
Discord dresses up.
And Starlight is invisible.

"I do, and you know. I'll do the best I can. But let's consider this more just, y'know, me trying to be more friendly and improve." You shrug, trying to ignore the implications of it. "If I beat Twilight at her own game, then let's just consider it an unintended bonus. That alright with you?"

Discord nods as he sets you a place on the table. Snapping his talons to make the pot of gumbo itself disappear. "That's good enough. You say it's a bonus but I know very well that my buddy, that being you, has a cutie mark in chaos. So even if unintended, if you just put some effort into it, you could easily defeat Twilight." Discord starts laughing hard, and leans back to let out his guffaws. "I mean, coooome on! You already have this pony's friendship, you just need to bring it on home. If anything, that will teach her to nose on in on your own friendship missions."

You begin to contemplate on that as you take your seat. "I don't want to ruin Twilight's psyche. But, hell, I guess getting this right is important enough for me that I can actually see how competing with Twilight without her realizing it can be both fun and educational. I really need this though Discord, I've been screwing up bad."

Discord pushes your bowl over to you gently, his smile becoming gentler as he hovers over you and gives you a pat. "I know Anon, and I wish you best of luck in all fronts. You see, you and Fluttershy have managed to teach me to care about others' ambitions. I have to say, it's actually rewarding to be able to help you in this endeavor."

Did he mean that?...Awww… You look up at Discord with a cute smile of your own. You felt good about that, it meant he was learning. And that he cared about how you felt. "Thanks Discord, it really helps just hearing that"

"Oh I know." Discord flips about and rests his head on his arms as he slowly hovers about. "You enjoy the moral support, that's peachy keen and A-ok. As I said, I'm happy to both care and help with the cause" Discord vanishes and then reappears with some sort of floating trophy case. He took one and started to polish it. You had to squint your eyes to read it, it said "Awarded for trumping Twilight with a history lesson".

Discord once again speaks to finish his thoughts. "Especially since it'll be another shining victory for me"

...Should have expected that. Discord being Discord. "Just don't laud it over her ok? Can you at least do that for me?"

Discord looks at you with discontent. But sighs and puts the trophy back into the case before teleporting it away. "Fine, I won't laud it over her. But you can bet your Power Ponies card collection that there might be some innocent gasping at the fact that my son managed to utterly and completely reform a villain that she couldn't. Besides..." Discord crosses his arms as he turns his head, slightly due to shame "Fluttershy might catch wind of it if I keep having these moments. And it would be absolutely dreadful to give her a reason to ask me not to do it again."

Huh, so he was limiting himself. But not just for your sake. Interesting.

You cock an eyebrow at him as you smirk. You found it cute, And the more chaotic side of you had been yearning for a little soft revenge on Discord. "Does daddy have some issues with mommy?"

Discord suddenly snaps in anger as his eyes flare up with fire, looking at you with a dreadful gaze as he raises his arm, a single talon raised to emphasize a point. "DON'T SAY "MOMMY"! DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWKWARD THAT SOUNDS?! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT?! I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING A GOOD BONDING MOMENT JUST NOW AND YOU JUST HAD TO SAY THAT NONSENSE! YOU KNOW, YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW HOW BAD OF AN IDEA THAT IS!"

You shrug as you give him a boyish yet coy grin. "I don't. Besides, isn't this how you bond with me? I'm just yanking your chain a little Discord." You yawn, your head wasn't entirely clear. You found this more amusing than you should. "How could I resist? You talk all this game about being superior and messing with ponies all the time, including me; that I just HAD to get you back. You let me have the opportunity."

And as you say those words, something clicks in your tired little brain. That you repress shit sometimes, and just let it out when your mind feels it the opportune moment. You were impulsive. But was that a bad thing? Maybe at this time, it was. You wanted to just jump dimensions earlier, just for revenge. And before that, you had a spat with Sweetie Belle because you felt you were right.

Yet at the same time, you had another feeling. If you held back too much. You'd just become a doormat like Fluttershy. Nah fuck it, you were right in this. It was your destiny. "What are you complaining about anyway? Isn't it better I think like you more than I think like a goody goody pony? Not that being a good pony is bad, it's just living with you. It just doesn't work."

Discord raised his talon once more to speak. But then stopped, dumbfounded as he now rubs the bottom of his chin, pondering on that fact. "....Yesss, hmmm. That would actually be very very true now wouldn't it? In fact, having you be EXACTLY like I'd like to imagine it would actually be...kind of boring. Hmmm, yes, interesting." He said as his voice got lower. "Perhaps I did overreact" He speaks normally now as he looks down at you, calmer now that he came to one of his usual "snap revelations", as you like to call it. "To think, the lord of chaos..." Then he begins to chuckle. "Would lose his cool over the same old joke. Normally, that would warrant immediate rearrangement of limbs. But we're well beyond that point now, aren't we? No, this time Anon, I commend you. You found a weak point in my perfect and impervious armor and exploited it. What's more, it's an exploit you've done before that I somehow have not gotten over. So congratulations to you" Discord claps for you.

Huh, you didn't expect that. He's commending you getting him back using Fluttershy. Either you truly cucked him into a realization or he realized you actually truly have game without need of his assistance. Either way, it felt nice. "Thanks Discord, that actually means a lot to me."

You let out a deep yawn, and start to drift. As you do, Discord warps to your side and leans you back up. "Careful now Anon, you still have things to do. And do let that compliment go to your head. It will help you in the long run should you need to out banter some new worthless villain. Trust me, you'll look very cool in front of your friends. Like.." Sunglasses and a backwards cap appear upon Discord's face and head "Totally rad, dude...Now then, eat your breakfast dear Anon, you have a friend to meet soon."

"Right...thanks Discord." You chuckle a little at his goofy 90s look. "You're one bad dude"

"Don't I know it" He narcissistically grins to himself.

You finally look down at your bowl. The Gumbo was pure jet black. And there was an eyeball staring back at you. Your eyes narrow as you now feel like you got duped. "....Why is there an eyeball in here?"

"It adds flavor Anon, the problem with Ghaos Gombo is that, unlike the many strange tastes of other gumbos, this particular kind has no taste, as in, you don't even notice when it goes into your mouth. It's insane really, it makes you question if you really had eaten anything at all. Perfect for ponies who wander out for too long without food. They see it, brave their stomachs as they chow down, and then wonder if they had eaten anything at all while their bellies fill and their minds are sparked by the effect of the Gumbo. It drives them mad! Truly mad! HAHAHAHAHAHA...."

You flick the eyeball out of the damn bowl. "Nope, fuck that. I'll just eat it tasteless then. But that "maddening" part. Discord, that’s just because it just makes you feel all awake and energetic, right? Come on, don't lie to me about this."

"I wasn't, it's not poison Anon..." Discord hovers over to the eyeball and picks it up, then downs it in a gulp. "It's just the sudden alertness over the previous tired hunger is very conflicting. Since you know the trick, you'll be perfectly fine."

Normally, anyone else would be disgusted by this black tar looking soup. so you assume if this was dropped off for someone else, it'd be presented as a trap.

Discord himself wouldn't fuck you over. Well he would, but your time with Starlight would eventually take you to Fluttershy. It'd be pretty suspicious if he fucked you up in someway now. So you'd trust him this time. "Down the hatch.."

You reluctantly pick up the bowl and down the Gumbo like a thick drink. Discord was right, you could feel it, but it was like some sort of heavy air. No flavor whatsoever. It was such a strange feeling indeed.

You felt energetic, alert, better thinking. It was like the best breakfast ever. Well, if it also had taste. But you knew this wasn't natural. This is probably not something you should eat on the regular. "Woah....I feel, great!"

"That's the power of Ghaos Gumbo! Now then, you are running out of time before that first train arrives so unless you want to be late. I'd suggest you get going."

"Gotcha, but. What are you going to be doing?"

Discord put on some firefighter's clothes, and summons up a water hose into his paw and talons. "That train fire Is starting to get boring and I want to turn the room into something else, something like an aquarium."

Wut?..No, retract that wut. Of course that thing was still fucking burning. "Well, good luck with that. Though, think you can give me a free ride to the train station. Please?"

"......" Discord rolls his eyes "Oh, alright. I suppose I should work on some sort of niceness quota anyway. Though I'll probably forget about it tomorrow." Discord snaps his talons once again. and in an instant, you were at the entrance of the train station.

You went around to the wait with the few other ponies who were waiting from, what you could see on the board, the six thirty train.

There were very few ponies here. But, among them, you notice a certain minty butt facing towards the track. Donned on her, was that sun hat with the dark blue and pink ribbon around it. Oh man, you remember that. You know who this is!

"Lyra! Yooo! What up!" You call to her.

"Anon? Woah..." Lyra turns around, and the moment she sees you. A big grin gets plastered on her face. "Anon! yo! Didn't expect to see you here"

"Neither did I. What's are you doing here? Where's BonBon?" Usually you'd expect to see them together, but BonBon wasn't around.

Lyra giggled. "What, do you think I hang out with her ALL the time? We're not attached to each other or anything, Anon. We're just super good besties. But we do have things we do apart from each other, like my regular trips to Canterlot. Sometimes she comes with me, sometimes not. This is one of those 'not' times."

Ahhh, so she was waiting for the train so she can get on.

She then wondered what you were doing here. "So what are you doing here this early?"

She had such a sweet little smile. It was probably reasons like this that made many an anonymous poster wanting her as a waifu. That and that whole "OMG SHE SITS LIKE A HUMAN. HUMAN OBSESSION" thing.

"Just waiting on a friend, you remember Starlight. Right?"

Lyra's grin began to slowly vanish. "Yeah, I remember her" She remembered how awkward that whole thing was. "Is she ok? Did something happen? Because I remember what happened before. And that whole thing with Princess Twilight didn't seem so good."

Yeah, you could see why Lyra suddenly felt so awkward. That wasn't one of the finest memories. "She's ok. I'm just waiting on her to arrive. Hopefully on this train. She wants my help with some apologizing she wants to do. But..." Actually, as your mind wanders to it. You realize that maybe Lyra, being a neutral party on this, might actually have some advice on how to be a good friend. She was super close to BonBon for a reason; despite BonBon's secret status. "Actually, that whole thing makes me want to ask you for advice, Lyra. I've kinda been having doubts about myself and how I handle my friendships. But you have really good friends and don't seem to have any problems at all. So, I gotta ask. Do you have any advice for me in helping a friend who is uncomfortable about what she's done in the past? Who is having trouble with her self confidence?"

Lyra would have had questions to ask if it wasn't for the fact that her train would be arriving soon. So she thought and worked with what you gave her. "Well, it's not too hard Anon" Lyra then grins and takes a picture of her and Bonbon from out underneath her hat, and gives it a glance over. "You see Anon, all you gotta do is be there for your friends. If they get knocked down, you help pick em back up. If they are hurt, then you help them feel better, if they are having some trouble, you go in and help them solve it. Anon, you didn't need to ask my advice on this. It's just as easy as standing by your friend and helping them through it. That's all."

Of course! Fuck, it really was obvious, wasn't it? And as you realize it, the train starts to head towards the station. "Lyra, thanks. Really. I was overthinking things and I guess I never realized how simple the solution was."

"Nah, you don't need to thank me. I know you would have realized it eventually. You're pretty smart, Anon. But, looks like I gotta be going so..GOODBYE HUGS!" Lyra gently pulls you in and gives you a warm fluffy hug. These were the hugs you enjoyed, not the fucking ones that were Anaconda tier.

Lyra then lets you go and gives you a gentle pat on the head as she giggles. "I don't know why you were even worried. You'll do fiiiinneee. Just be optimistic, don't think about it too much, and remember to let Starlight know you'll be there for her. It'll be a cakewalk. And.." The train stops, and the doors are opened to let out and then let in passengers. "And it looks like this pony has got to be going. Anon, trust me. By the end of the day. You'll be laughing about how silly you felt. Super easy, I promise."

You nod, yeah. You felt that perhaps, it would be. "Thanks Lyra, it was good seeing you again."

"It was nice seeing you again too, Anon" Lyra raises her hoof and gently boops your nose. "So don't be a stranger, ok? You can handle this just fine. Seeya around!" And with that, Lyra walks off into the train.

But then, that’s just it. As ponies walk in and others walk out. You see no sign of Starlight whatsoever. Fucking dammit, was she coming in on the eight o' clock? Well, it was nice seeing Lyra at least. But you didn't want to wait around for the next train.

"Pssssst, Anon. ppppsssssssst. Over here."

That voice… "Starlight?" You looked around, but you didn't see her.

"Over here, in the bushes"

You look to your left, off the train station platform was a street lamp and a couple of bushes beside it, one of them shaking subtly. Was Starlight behind it?

You hopped down off the platform and investigated. You looked around, and even opened the bushes to look through. But she wasn't there. That is, until you felt a boop on your nose...BUT FROM WHAT?!

"What the?...Was it a bug?" You ask yourself

"Anon..." Starlight started to become visible from within the bushes, but before she could finish her words, you stepped back, startled. The fuck?!

"H-holy...how did?!" Wut?!

"Hmmm?" Starlight was confused by your reaction. "What's wrong?"

"You just appeared, but without teleporting! How did you do that?"

"O-oh.." Starlight looked nervous now, afraid that shocking you already did harm to the friendship she shares with you. "T-that was just my invisibility spell. I just didn't want anypony to see me come out of the train. Y'know, in case Twilight or the others were here for whatever reason." She chuckles nervously. "Didn't want to start a panic, ehehe"

Invisibility? Did Twilight even exhibit that ability? Either way, knowing that, you calmed down. Even self reflecting how dumb you reacted. "No it's fine, I just got startled is all. But, I'm really glad to see you. It's been awhile." You move in to hug her, but she moves in faster, and hugs you in a gentle hug. But as she spoke, you can feel an increasing tenseness.

"I missed you too! To tell you the truth, I almost flaked out on this thing! I was afraid that somepony might know about me enslaving an entire town to do what I will it to and spread it around. Especially if they spread it around and knew I was coming! But that didn't happen, right? We're good to go ,right?!" Starlight stops hugging and starts shaking you. "TELL ME WE'RE GOOD TO GO ANON! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO LEAVE MY WORK SHACK! IT GETS HARDER EVERYDAY!"


"Y-y-y-y-yes! W-e-e-re g-g-g-g-good t-t-t-o g-g-o sthhaaaaaaaap!" You yell out, it catches her attention as she immediately stops and looks at you, blushing from uber embarrassment. Then gently puts you down.

"S-sorry...y-you're not mad right?" Starlight says with a sheepish smile

Holy fuck, what happened?

As you got your senses together, it looked like Starlight became two times the wreck she was last time you saw her. "Starlight, are you ok? What happened to you? You seemed better last time I saw you."

"And I was...and then pressure started building up. And then I remembered that not only did I do a lot of bad stuff in the past but that my anger at Twilight and her friends may have been misplaced. And if I end up being hated, or worse, branded a criminal, then everything would be undone. And even worse! All my new friends would hate me. So I locked myself in the work shack and played sick for awhile and then started having nightmares for some reason and then decided, that maybe..." Starlight's frantic speaking slowed down as she let out a heavy sigh. "Maybe I should just apologize for what I did, and see how it goes. I didn't feel bad about it before, but I do now. Realizing I nearly changed everything for something so petty has been eating away at me." Starlight looked at you with gentle and sad eyes. "That's why I need your help. You're super good at this. I mean, you even have Chrysalis reformed now, right?"

....Oh...right..she knew about bugbutt. But reformed?....Not even close. You cringe at that last part, what do you even say? Would it kill her confidence if you said no? No, you had to be honest with at least her. She needed you, you had to be truthful. you had to be there for her. "I'm still working on that. But trust me, I got it all under control. Just like I have this under control. I got this Starlight, stick with me and I'll get you through this no problem."

But "working on it" didn't fill Starlight with enough confidence to look forward bravely, it was just enough to get her to meekly agree. "Ok..."

Well goddamn, this was harder than you thought. And oh christ...OH CHRIST. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER TO SEE TWILIGHT FIRST?! Maybe you shouldn't. But then, Discord AND Twilight would be upset. No..Nononono. You can't back down. Twilight, if anything, would be the ultimate test of your friendship skills. If that brings her down, so be it. Not your goddamn problem. Why get upset anyway? She's YOUR friend, not hers.

"Hey hey. Don't be like that, trust me Starlight. I've got this. In fact, I got this so much, that I say we see Twilight first. It'll go so well, that you'll be able to face the other five without a single problem. Guaranteed."

"Twilight first? Are you serious? She probably is the one who hates me the most. That's insane Anon, more insane than the symbol on your flank. That'd never work!" Starlight went into full doubt mode. "Ugh, why did I even bother coming?"

Well fucking dammit man! Lyra's advice was poop if she didn't believe in you. Let's try one more time. "Woah, woah Starlight. I promise it'll be ok. I bet Twilight is even willing to let bygones be bygones if we just explain to her that you just want to apologize. C'mon, it'll be easy. I'll be by your side the entire time."

Starlight began to grumble "That's what Sunburst said...."

She probably conjectured that with the last part of your sentence. Dammit Starlight, did you really crumble that hard? Ponies were just supposed to give in to friendship and trust one another. But now she was turning on you. Probably just looking for an excuse to go back home and hide. Well fuck it then, time for plan B. "Well, I'm not Sunburst. And seriously? Forget that guy, he's a gigantic jerk. Starlight, look. You have two options. You can either come with me, or you can go home and hide like a coward. What is it gonna be?"

Starlight was surprised by your sudden shift in tone. But those words, it stung, a coward? "I'm not a coward!" She barks. "I enslaved an entire town on my own! That takes a lot of guts you know! If I can do that, then I can handle a Princess I already beat once! Hmph, insinuating that somepony as good at magic as I am is an actual coward. I just got a little worried, you know. That was all. I came to you for help, so why are you being a jerk all of a sudden? Hmmm?!" Starlight approached you threateningly

Woah, she shifted just as fast as you did. Talk about PMS. You back down, and just try to get her to understand you meant no harm. "I'm just saying that if you want my help. Then we gotta do this that way. It’s the best and easiest way"

"And how do you know that?" Starlight stepped closer, demanding answers.

"Because..." Because Twilight already forgave her… "Because...Twilight found the letter before I did and read it, and thinks it's a good idea.I don't think the others know. But she does."

"She read the letter? My letter? Uggghhhhhh..." Starlight put her hoof to her face and shook her head in disbelief.. "How did that even happen?"

"Because the letter was addressed to the castle while I stopped hanging around there. Twilight mistook it for one of her letters, read it, and decided it was a good idea. It's that simple. Really? You should be relieved, it means she's willing to forgive you. C'mon Starlight, this will be easy. I'll be with you all the way"

Starlight gulped, would it really be that easy? Did Twilight auto forgive her? Would you really stick by her? Well, you did go to visit her once before, and it meant so much to her. Why doubt you now? She lets out a small breath of air, and apologizes. "I'm sorry Anon, I'm just a little tense."

A little? She's all over the damn place. "It'll be fine, come on. Follow me, it'll be easy" You start walking towards Twilight's castle with Starlight following you.

Ok so far so good. Yeah, this wasn't so hard. How could the CMC not see your good nature? Look at this, you were guiding Starlight to salvation like motherfucking Jesus. Lyra was right, this wasn't so bad.

"Anon, thanks for agreeing to this. Really, it means a lot to me. And double thanks for putting up with how I acted back there. I was being pretty dumb."

"No worries Starlight, I'm not mad at all. Perfectly ok. But you gotta stop worrying about Sunburst. It's clear to me that your memory of him still bothers you. Want my advice? Forget about that jerk, like, seriously. He's a buttmunch"

Starlight giggles at that, she found it funny. "Buttmunch, huh? Yeah I guess so. Probably thinks he's too important for somepony like me. Yeah, whatever. I bet I could cast magic better than he can. I nearly had a time spell down to perfection, I'd like to see him top that!"

The time spell, huh. Damn, that really must have caused what happened in the Flim and Flam verse. But how exactly? Well, with the way things are, you'd never find out. "He probably can't. That's why I say forget about him. We have to focus on this. The sooner we get this done, the sooner you'll be able to get passed all this."

"You're right. But, while we're walking. What have you been up to lately? Anything exciting happen?" Starlight was shaky in her voice, she was trying to keep things together, and thought some idle chit chat would do her some good.

"Um, sorta. I mean. I already told my Crusader friends. But I hopped into another dimension and saved it from utter destruction." You grin as you look back at Starlight. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Starlight shows back a doubtful grin. "Save an entire dimensio...oh" She then realizes something. "Aha, why am I even doubting that? Your horn right? I knew that thing was as powerful as I thought. Almost tempts me to ask for it so I could run a few experiments. I'm good at magic, Anon. But if I could unlock the power chaos holds. I could become an unstoppable force."

Uhh… "...Why do you want to become an unstoppable force? That sounds sort of evil"

Starlight was surprised by that remark. "It does? Huh, I just thought it'd be nice to further my studies is all. I really meant the unstoppable part as a sort of truthful kind of thing. Chaos magic is pretty powerful" She chuckles nervously as she begins to realize more and more what her implications could mean. "B-but you already knew that, right?"

"Yeah. Starlight, relax ok? I know you're having trouble keeping it together. I'm not gonna judge you for remarks like that. But, just to make a good impression. Just keep things simple ok?"

"Ok....I got this. Sure, it's easy. Just...Don't mention anything that sounds bad. Got it!" Starlight assured herself more than she tried to assure you.

You both arrived at the castle first. As Lyra's words rang in your mind, you knew you just had to be there for her right? It wasn't hard.


But as you thought more about sticking with your friends. It made you think about your own friends. What about the other ponies? Why didn't they stick by you? Why the fuck did Sweetie Belle have to accuse you of something that you were sure you'd never do without a good reason?

Then there's the fact that the other you must actually be a huge shithead. How could Scrappy admire him after what this asshole did to the puppy bug?If anything, he should admire you more. You're the one he's been around longer with. And if it wasn't for you, he wouldn't have the honor of being the fucking captain. It kind of made you angry. One of the things you wanted most was to get along and be close friends with the Mane 6 like you imagined them. And have fun adventures and eat breakfast with and all that. And to outdo those schmucks they help in every episode. But instead, you hardly interact with any of them but Fluttershy. And Twilight? She's only nice to you because you're a colt. And she doesn't treat you as anything more than that. How could she not acknowledge your brilliance at this point and treat you as an equal? In fact...

Before opening the door, you turn to Starlight to ask her a question. "Starlight, do you see me as an equal?"

"U-umm...do you mean like. An actual equal? or, as a part of my old utopian idea equal?" She was doing it again...

"Just...tell me how you see our friendship."

"Oh...Well. You may be a colt. But, after what happened in the cave and at town. I can't say you're a colt by the way you act. Going by that, I guess I see you as my best friend. Your age doesn't matter to me, it's how you act that's important to me."

Starlight had her head in the game in that regard. And yes, you remembered that Fluttershy was supposed to see you as a colt. That was fine. But c'mon Twilight. C'mon CMC. Hell, even Cheerilee should see it properly by now. "Thanks, I just wanted to hear that." You open the doors, and lead Starlight inside.

"I can't believe she just leaves the doors unguarded..." Starlight looks back at the open doors, they were just....unlocked.

"Yeah..I know, I swear that's gonna lead to her getting captured or something one day."

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