• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 111

You both appear on top of a roof of a house. Overlooking the town.

"W-woah!" You had to move backwards to keep yourself from slipping. And yet, despite the quick rush of adrenaline, you could still feel a soothing tingle in your hooves that has since moved up into your body. Calming your nerves. "Huh..that's weird. I still feel tingly."

"It's not weird at all, Anon. It's just an extra precaution to keep you from going into one of your little spats. It won't last long of course, but I thought I'd do something for you since you seemed so on edge." Discord explained

Well, that's nice of him. "Hey, thanks. I really needed it after all that. But, why are we on a roof? Shouldn't we be at the party?"

Discord pulled out a telescope and began to look through it. "all in due time Anon, first I'd like to scope it out and see what it's like"

"See what it's like? Why does that matter to you? It is a party for me, you know"

"I'm aware, but I just want to see who is there. See what I have to deal with... Ah there we are" Discord looked over to the distant Sugarcube Corner.

"I can tell you who is going to be there. Just the mane six and the cutie mark crusaders, and a few others like Lyra and Bon Bon. It's a small party." You explain

"You don't say?" Discord was peering hard.

You look over to where he's looking. But you aren't tall enough to look over the other roofs blocking the party from view. "I do say, it's nothing to worry about."

"If you say so, but tell me Anon. Was there a white pony with purple shades and a blue mane invited to your party?"

"You mean Vinyl? Nah, it would be kind of cool if she could come though. I'd wanna see if she was a mute or not."

"Ahh, well. I suppose that would be interesting to you." Discord continued to peer through the telescope "And what about your teacher? Was she invited?"

"Ahhh crap, I don't remember… I don't think so actually."

"Mhmmm, and what about that peculiar purple pony drinking the punch?"

"Oh you must mean Ber-....."

...wait

"What do you mean "Drinking the punch" ? "

Discord looks down at you "What do you think I mean? There's a purple pony who ISN'T Twilight at the punch bowl."

"That can't be right. I don't remember inviting Berry Punch. Can you lift me high so I can get a look?"

"Sure thing" Discord curled up a single talon, making you float up high enough to see the party.

From what you could see from that distance, it was an outdoors party. And, there was a conglomerate of color… oh geez.

"Discord, can I look through that telescope?"

"Of course" Discord makes the telescope hover in place, right in front of you, ready to go for viewing. You look through it, and hooooooly shit. The entire town was practically there. Even Mayor Mare. What in the..?

Practically every background pony was there. Heck, you spotted Lyra and Bon Bon hanging with Minuette. And… oh crap, you see Filthy Rich too, you never went to see him after that whole hospital thing. You felt kinda bad about that, the guy is pretty cool.

All those ponies, just to be at your party. You didn't know if it was the fact that you were being magically soothed or just knowing everyone is there, just for you. It felt Mary Sue-ish… but damn, it felt nice. But as you gazed through the telescope, you notice some missing guests.

"Twilight and Spike didn't go to the party. Hmnn" Now that time had passed, your initial feelings long being gone. You started to feel bad that she hadn't arrived yet, or at all.

"Well, that was to be expected, right? Either she didn't want to go, or she is too tired to go. Why should it be a bother?"

Because of the other pony that you couldn't spot. "Because Fluttershy isn't at the party either"

Discord, calmly produced a glass of water and took a drink, already you realized what he was about to do. "WAIT DISCORD NO-AGGGHH!"

Discord spat water all over you

"Agh… g-gross"

You did your best to try to get the water off of you with your hooves, but it was just all over you, even shaking didn't help.

Discord put his talons and paw to his head, screaming "FLUTTERSHY ISN'T THERE?! HOW DID I-" Discord loses his magical grip on you as he grabs the telescope and scopes out the scene "MISS HER?!"

You felt gravity pulling on you as you dropped like a rock. Back on the roof as you started to roll down. "Discord help! I can't grip anything!"

"HOLD ON! THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT!" Discord's eyeball literally broke through the other end of the telescope as he kept on looking.

Welp, he was no help. You yell as you drop down the roof, and have your fall broken by soft mushy garbage in a garbage can. "Omf… o-ohhh..."

You slowly climb out, dizzy as your senses are violated by various gross and rotten smells. "D-dammit… I-I don't feel relaxed anymore"

You crawl out, and shake your back left hoof to get a banana peel off of you.

You look up at Discord, who throws down the telescope, teleports near the fallen trashcan, and holds his arms out "Don't worry Anon, I'll catch you!"

You just eye him, annoyed, and clear your throat loudly so he could take notice of you.

He looks down at you, and gets annoyed himself. "Anon, what are you doing down there? You're supposed to be falling"

Welp, that relaxing feeling didn't last long. You bust out, yelling at Discord. "I ALREADY FELL! YOU WE-”

Before you could even finish, Discord pulls you close to his side and points forward. "Anon, we have no time to lose. You need to go to the party and distract everypony while I go search for Fluttershy. It just isn't a party without her!"

You push his arm away and land on your hooves, turning over to him and sighing, no point in exploding at this point. "She's probably taking care of Twilight."

You brush yourself off, you could still smell the stank. And you could already feel the relaxing tingling completely wear off. "You mind cleaning me off before you go?"

Discord nods "Of course I don't" He gently picks you up and looks into your eyes "I can't let my child go to his own party smelling like that! Even if it is a good smell for you, might even get you the ladies" He winks at you.

"Chrysalis maybe" You chuckle at your own words. "Anyway, why'd you have to pick me up? Aren't you just going to spray me with some more water or something?"

"I have a more… thorough way" Discord wiggles his eyebrows at you.

"Thorough? What do you mean by that?"

Discord open his mouth as his tongue starts to slowly stretch out.

"Discord? No Discord..no Discord..no..NO!"

You cover yourself with your hooves and close your eyes as his tongue starts to explore your body. You felt so uncomfortable. "Discord stop! That feels weird! Oh geez! I can feel it on my leg!" Suddenly, you felt a slimy substance get all over you. You open your eyes and look at yourself. "...oh...oh gross! what is this stuff?"

You try to shake it off. And although gross, it smelled of fresh lemons.

"Discord, ugh..I don't even know what to say about this. Is this, soap? Or something else?"

"No time to explain Anon, time to spin dry!"

"Spin dry? Wait! Discord stop!" Discord's tongue wrapped around you, holding you tight like a snake. "Discord, just get me a towel! I can wipe this stuff off myself. Please?"

Discord snipped the other end of his tongue off with his talons. "No can do, Anon!" Discord grabbed the part of his tongue that was sticking out and eyes you with a smile "Who knows how much time you've already wasted."

You noticed him grab one end of the tongue, and realized what he meant by spin dry. Your pupils shrunk. "D-discord Don't! I...ugh..." You sigh, and just give up, looking at him, annoyed "You're just going to do it anyway, aren't you?"

Discord nodded "Of course I am, why wouldn't I?"

You sigh again, yep. He'll never change. "Can I atleast get a helmet?"

"Certainly, I can't believe I didn't think about that before. In fact..." Discord points to you and zaps you, giving you a helmet, four knee pads, and a light suit of armor.

You look down on yourself. "Isn't this a little much?"

Discord nods "It is, which is why I'll compensate by spinning you harder than planned."

"Ohhh dammit." You lament at the fact you were about to go for a spin, but a thought hit you. Maybe it won't be so bad. It could be fun. Maybe? Hopefully?

Before you could think of anything else, Discord let's it rip. And you start spinning faster than any top you've ever seen, as you slide across the street. Already you felt like puking in the first few moments of spinning, and it just wouldn't stop. "I WAS WRONG! THIS ISN'T FUN! AAAGHHH!"

And you span, and you span. All across the street as your protection began to fly off in different directions. Finally you slow to a stop, and despite stopping. Everything was still spinning. So much so that you fall to the ground, groaning. "..I'm so glad I haven't eaten recently....or else......nope, never mind" You hold your hoof to your mouth, as your cheeks puff up, and you puke. "...ogggghhhh"

"THERE YOU ARE NONNY! I'VE BE… woah, you ok?" Ahh, Pinkie Pie. Right on cue to see you barf everywhere

"Ogh, I feel like I just went through a dryer...."

Pinkie Pie catches a whiff of you, and smiles "But you smell like fresh lemons! That must have been some dryer!"

"Yeah… ogh, I'm just going to lay here awhile."

Pinkie Pie quickly zips right under you by pushing you up in the air with her face, then catches you on her back."Here, you can lay on my back while I take you to the party, everypony is waiting for you! Though" Pinkie frowns "Twilight, Fluttershy and Spike are late, and..." Pinkie looks around "Where's Discord? Isn't he with you?"

"Oh, he went to go get Fl-" He probably only went to get her. But maybe, just maybe. He went to go fetch Twilight and Spike too. Somehow, you had no idea if Twilight was even able to actually go. "He went to go get them"

"Awww, that's sweet of him." Pinkie went back to smiling, excited to get the party underway "You're going to make so many new friends today Nonny! Isn't that awesome!?"

"Y-yeah, I noticed while I was coming over that you invited the whole town. Didn't we have a set list?"

Pinkie giggled "We did! But remember how you said to surprise you on a theme?"

"Yeah"

"Welllllllllllllll, I thought the theme could be an outdoor slash open door party! That way, nopony would feel left out! And better yet, that means anypony that comes to the party would want to meet you since it's your party! Genius, right?" You could hear in Pinkie's voice just how happy she was about it. So much so, that, well, how could you denounce what she had done? You couldn't.

You take a breath, you were still seeing some stars from the spin. But your mind was still working. And you decide to just go with it. Who is it going to hurt? "It is a pretty good plan Ponk, but I guess that's why you're the best party planner around, huh?"

That made Pinkie smile even wider "You really think so? Oh boy, if you think that's great. you're gonna flip when I start planning for your birthday. Birthday parties are always the best! Speaking of birthdays, erm. Some of the guests sort of thought it was your birthday. And brought you extra gifts, that's ok, right?"

Gifts? Woooo, that sounded cool. It made you grin. Gifts were always great, and you wondered what ponies would give as gifts to a hero like you. Colt or not. Hero or not. It could be pretty great. "Fine with me, it's a party right? Let's just let everypony do whatever they want. If they bring gifts, all the better right?"

Pinkie looks back at you, and narrows her right eye "For you maybe", she then giggles happily.

"You bet! Besides, you can't blame me for wanting to see what kinds of gifts I'm gonna get. Can you?"

Pinkie looked up and wondered, then she shook her head "Nope, I guess not. If everypony got me a lot of gifts; I'd be pretty curious too. And happy, and ecstatic, and overjoyed, and glad! All at the same time!"

"Ponk, you know those all mean the same thing, right?"

"I know, but if you combine all of those words, you'd get how happy I am. Especially if it's gifts I could share with my friends!"

...Awww, that made you smile. But, hell. You couldn't expect any less from Pinkie.

"That's a nice thought Ponk, my worl-...ahrm...orphanage could have really used a pony like you."

"Well, if I could make more of me that were exactly like me in everyway, I would. So everypony could have a friend that would never quit on then. But for now, I'll do my best here. As the one and only Pinkie Pie!"

As you both approached the party, you pat on Pinkie's side. "Hey Ponk, can I hop off from here? I feel better now, I can walk the last few steps."

"Oki Doki Loki! Let me just duck right here, all ponies please remain in your seat as the Pinkie Pie prepares to dock." Pinkie giggled at her own little joke as she lowered herself so you could safely hop off. You do, and give her a quick hug. You really did feel better, probably just due to being around her and her upbeat attitude.

You look ahead, just a few more steps before you was the party itself. There were various ponies there. Mingling, having fun, playing a few games, and there was Vinyl, wubbing out a beat. The party was chaos itself, with it seemingly being of various themes within itself. To your left was two long tables, one with food and drinks, mostly of various treats and pastries. And on the other seemed to be a gift table. Right at the front of Sugarcube corner was a large stage with a huge banner with the name of the party.

...Ohhhhhh man, there was like fifteen gifts there. You did wonder what they could be. But, agh… It'd be bad form to just go directly to them and open them up. You look to Pinkie… who wasn't next to you anymore. Where did she disappear off to?

"HELLO EVERYPONY! HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?!" Pinkie had zipped on stage, she was wearing a cute little black top hat on, with gummy on her back.

Everypony, just like that, stopped what they were doing to say hi back to her. Caught you off guard really, this was unexpected. You wondered what she had in store.

"THAT'S GREAT! BECAUSE I HAVE SUPER DUPER GOOD NEWS! THE GUEST OF HONOR HAS ARRIVED!"

Uh oh, wait. WAIT. You knew where this was heading, you were about to get bombarded by the whole crowd all at once. You try calling out to her. "P-Po-"

"THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S ANON! EVERYPONY GIVE HIM A WARM WELCOME AND SAY HELLO! HE'S SUPER FRIENDLY AND REALLY SMART! AND RIGHT NEXT TO HIM IS-" Pinkie was about to announce Discord and Fluttershy, but they weren't there. She threw out a few cue cards she had on the podium she was behind and skipped ahead. "ALRIGHT EVERYPONY, LET'S MINGLE, HAVE FUN, AND GET DOWN! IT'S PAAAAAAAAAARTY TIME!"

You could already hear the music crank up to eleven, but as everypony went to approach you, you had already ducked behind the sheets of the food table. That was way too much for you at once.

You peek outside the sheets, there was a few ponies who went back to partying, but a few others, like Filthy Rich, the fillies, Lyra, and a couple of other ponies were looking where they thought they spotted you.

Well, this was quite the pickle you found yourself in. It seemed even in large crowds of ponies, you weren't ready to handle so many of them all at once. This very situation reminded you why you wanted a smaller crowd. "Great, if I was some Mary Sue, this would be no problem. But I can't talk to them all at once. And if it's anything like any other cartoon show. It'll be a wave of noise… ugh, I hate waves of noise."

Though, you did feel bad you weren't out there actually mingling. You remembered how Lyra did want to introduce you to Minuette, how Filthy Rich did want to talk to you, and that you had friends out there that you really say hi to. Including explaining to the Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara why you didn't show up to finish the project. Or, you could just tell Cheerilee directly, she was right there.

You gulp, you just needed to work up the courage. And if you chose wisely, maybe you could go down the line of who to talk to first.

Filthy Rich. He'd have to be the first you talk to. He was pretty bro tier after all, and you just pretty much avoided visiting him all this time. You could just walk up to him and have a friendly chat. Then move on to Lyra and Bon Bon, you did want to meet Minuette after seeing how cute and friendly she was. And finally you could move on to the next obvious choice of the CMC. Though, maybe this could also be a good time to interact with a few of the Mane 6 you haven't really interacted with too much. Namely, Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

You look around, hrn, even Derpy was here. She could be a cute friend. But nah, let's not get too hasty. You wait until only Filthy Rich would catch you in his line of sight, and pop out, heading towards him.

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