• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,517 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 91

This, caught Discord's attention the most. So much so the living room started to become brighter as he became curious and amazed at what he heard. "So Anon, are you telling me. Rather than showing mercy to these two colts. You instead span them until you could reacquire your wings?"

You nod. "Yeah, I mean hell, like I said. Chaotic justice. They weren't going to get away with stealing my stuff just like that. Talking to them didn't work, they were still on that whole hero nonsense. Hell, I wouldn't have minded if the timer on the wings were a little longer just so I could keep spinning them. But hopefully they got it by now."

Discord stroked his beard, he was thinking, and thinking hard. "Yes, the timer on the wings are a tad short. I only meant for them to be used for escaping purposes… or for you to hilariously fall if you forgot how much time you had left. But this… this changes everything Anon"

Changes everything? "What? What do you mean by changes everything?"

"I don't have to explain it to you. If I did, it might change the course of things. Buuuuuuut..." Discord snapped his talons, causing your saddlebag to shake and shine for a moment. "I think I could upgrade your wings to allow for five times the flight time than before, and even put in a special feature that won't end in you falling to your doom by accident. How does that sound? You can call it a reward for doing your father proud."

Well, you didn't expect a reward, that was pretty sweet. You only meant to cheer the guy up. But that still left the actual handling of the changelings. You still wanted to see it happen. You felt they were overdue a millennial banishing. You also wouldn't push your luck by asking if you could get an upgrade on the horn. Especially with Twilight being a little bitch about it. "So, you feeling better "Dad"?"

Discord nods " Much better, though there’s a side of me that still wishes there'd be an actual battle… Here, let me show you!"

Discord got up from his chair and turned around to show you his back, growing out of it was a dead, hollowed version of his head. With a sign hanging out of it's mouth saying "excitement is dead" You cringe at it, some of it's skin was falling off.

Discord looked at his backside and cringed himself. "Yeesh, I didn't think the princesses being a killjoy would have actually killed him. Poor thing." Discord chuckled as he pushed the head back into his body.

That was a little morbid. "Yeah. Erm, speaking of the princesses. Can't we at least see the whole banishment process? That might be pretty cool."

Discord rolled his eyes "As cool as a desert that was thrown into the sun maybe. All it's going to be is a fancy light show."

"Aww come on! We can make it a father son outing. I mean, if this is the conclusion of a villain. We should at least be there to see it. Don't you think?"

Discord shook his head "Not really, but if you insist, I suppose we could sit down and TRY to enjoy the show. But don't complain if it turns out disappointing."

"I won't. Wait… this doesn't count as a favor does it?"

Discord shook his head again "No, this can be considered watching the end of our efforts. an anticlimactic end to what was a fun ride."

Discord was actually being pretty cool about all this. It was clear he was disappointed. But cheering him up must have really made him more agreeable. Plus, woo! Upgraded wings! That should give you enough time to really get some training in with Rainbow Dash. You could do that after the picnic.

"So, uhh. How are we going to do this?"

"Easy, first" Discord makes a mirror appear in front of you. "Look into this mirror very hard"

Huh? a mirror? That's a little odd. Considering he usually snaps his talons and BAM! Somewhere else.

You look into the mirror. "Like this?"

"Harder Anon, really stare into it!"

"Ok" You stare at the mirror as hard as you can. In the next moment, a giant fist pops out of the mirror and knocks you out.

Some time passes. "U-unnngh" You slowly wake up, you can feel a cold breeze, there was very little light, and you could hear animal noises. "Ummnngh" You slowly look around, you seemed to be behind some brush and bushes. You were outside somewhere, in a misty and dark area. But you felt comfy.

You look down. You were on a theater chair. On your right was popcorn in a popcorn holder, and another seat. With Discord in full camo, overlooking something with some binoculars, in fact. You yourself were in camo, with your saddlebag gone, replaced with binoculars of your own. What was going on? "W-what happened?"

"SSshhhh, there's royal guards all around us Anon, keep quiet"

"W-wha?" You look around, it's too dark to see anything, you can make out trees, and ahead of you, was a dark and eerie lake with a fortress tower island near the center. You speak in a low voice. "W-what happened? where are we?"

"Oh, I used some knock out potion to put you out until it was time for the show. We're just outside the changeling's hive and headquarters"

You rub your face. It kind of hurt. "...O-oh, why does my face hurt?"

Discord put down his binoculars and took in a handful of popcorn. "You fell on your face when the potion took effect."

"O-oh" That sounded about right? maybe? You couldn't remember. "Ok..u-umm.." You look ahead, your vision unblurring completely. But it was still dark and foggy to really get a good look at anything. "Discord, I can't see anything."

"Use the binoculars Anon, and just watch for the princesses. This is going to be quite… lackluster"

You grab your binoculars and look through them. Woah, you could not only see through the fog, but things we're a lot brighter too. You could see a few guards hiding in various places. But no Princesses. "You can also adjust that knob there for x-ray vision in case you want to see what's going on inside."

You flick the knob, and look through your binoculars again. You could see through the walls of the fortress. Woah… That's a lot of bugs. But many of them weren't moving. Sleeping most likely. As you looked about and inspected. You could see a few moving about. Finally, you spot Chrysalis. Alone and asleep in the tower. The whole hive must have been there.

You flick it back to normal vision and look around. looking higher, you could see the moon. Then, you saw it. "Woah hey, the Princesses are coming in." Each one hovered over a corner of the fortress. Their horns aglow. "What's going on?"

As you take in some popcorn, Discord takes a look with his binoculars. "Looks like they are preparing the spell. I will admit, I never expected a midnight sneaking raid being led by the Princesses. They usually handle things head on. A speech there, a banishment here. It's usually so routine"

"Well, I guess the fact that they think Chrysalis wanted to do something with Cadence's baby must of raised a ton of red flags. They didn't want to take any risks."

"What's the fun without risk? I hope they don't do this every time. Would make for very boring legends later on in life."

"Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. Not everything needs to be chaotic"

"I'll agree with you once I become the spirit of order-..oh, it's starting"

Their horns all began to glow brighter as a huge sealing like sigil appeared through the middle of the fortress. The fortress itself started to sink through it. Leading to Tartarus no doubt. You switch to X-ray view. You could see the changelings waking up, they didn't seem to know what to do, scrambling around as they began to disappear into nothingness. Not even Queen Chrysalis was wary enough to escape. She disappears as well, along with the rest of the tower. Now there is nothing to obstruct the view of the lake.

That was very… anime. And boring-ish. You couldn't hear anything, you didn't know what they were thinking. You just saw something you'd see in an anime without the actual cool bits. Though, seeing the magic itself was ok.

Discord looked to you "What did I tell you, utterly lackluster"

You sigh, yeah, it was a little. Impressive that they got them all. But you didn't expect it to be THAT plain. Such is the realities of cartoon horse land. "Yeah… well… at least they’re gone."

Discord was wondering about something. You didn't seem to care about villains too much. "So Anon, why no sympathy for them?"

"Huh?" That was random. "What do you mean?"

"It's a simple question. I just want to know. You usually have some sort of moral fiber poking out. But you don't care one bit about the changelings. You wouldn't mind enlightening me, would you?"

"Huh? Ahh, it's really easy. They are villains. I guess I never thought about it too much until coming to live here. But unless something can be done about them, then they just try to cause harm. I mean, think about it. What if they hurt Fluttershy? I'm sure you wouldn't show any mercy to them then, right? I guess I see the difference between watching the show and actually being in Equestria. Your thinking changes."

Discord nods "Hrnn, I can't disagree about what would happen if ANYPONY hurt Fluttershy. Very well, that answer will suffice. Shall we turn in for the night?"

You hear some brush move behind you, almost a growling noise. A monster? Perhaps a timberwolf? Whatever it was, you didn't want to stick around to find out. "Y-yeah, let's go back. This place gives me the willies"

With that Discord wooshes both you and himself back to the house, into the living room.

Discord stretches and yawns. "Ahhh, Well, that was… something. You have a pleasant sleep Anon."

Wut?

"Have a pleasant sleep Anon? really? A normal good night? Really?"

Discord nodded "Yes, really. We have a picnic tomorrow with Fluttershy after all, It'd be rude for you to show up without having the right amount of sleep. You'd just be tired and probably fall asleep during one of her rousing and adorable conversation starters." Discord yawned again, patting his mouth with his paw

"And I need to wake up early to get everything set up of course. Need to pick a location, make food, choose proper chaotic measures that would be Fluttershy approved, and I've got to make sure nopony would need me for something. Of course I mean Twilight. Who knows what kind of mood she'll be in after all that. She might want to double check about our whereabouts again or something during the whole "baby attack" incident"

"Why would she wonder that? They just banished the changelings"

Discord looked to you, unamused "Anon, does she need a reason to double check or triple check anything? You should know, you've seen the show."

Mnnn… she might wonder about the picture. Eh, fine. At least he'd be the one dealing with it. You just had to be at the Picnic after everything was set up. "Yeah ok, well then. Good night to you Discord. seeya tomorrow."

With that, Discord disappears in a flash of light. You yawn, and head up the gravity stairs. opening your door. You hop into bed, and stretch. Oh, it felt good. You could see your saddle bag hanging by the dresser. You look upon the dresser itself, looking at the picture of you, Discord, and Chrysalis.

Maybe you did feel bad a little about it. Discord used to be a bad guy too before he was reformed. Maybe bugbutt could have gone through the same process. Mnnn, it was too late now. Besides. Discord wasn't really evil, even before hand. Just a selfish douchebag. Now he was just a good selfish douchebag. Best to sleep and forget about it. You didn't want to suddenly have the feels for the changelings.

The morning comes. Or, whatever the morning was in this dimensional world. You had forgotten to set your alarm clock. Or even ask when it needed to be set. But that was fine. Because something was slowly waking you up.

You felt a warm, gentle nuzzling. A leg was around you, a head was nuzzling into the side of yours. Slowly waking you. "Mmmnnn...."

Wait… what? Who was nuzzling you? "mmnn.."

Whoever it was, it sure was cuddly. Was it Fluttershy? "Mmnnnn?" No, you could still feel the peculiar warmth that comes from your bed. Was it Discord? If it was, he was being damned tenderly.

You slowly open your eyes, and turn just a little. You could see a washed out pink little hoof gently grasping you. No....

Noooooooooooo..... Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....

You slowly turn all the way, and beside you was Diamond Tiara, cuddling and nuzzling into you. In your bed… When and how the fuck did she get in here?

She looks into your eyes, her own was half cocked and dreamy as she smiled at you "Good morning Anon, did you have a good sleep?" She cuddles more into you.

She was so cuddly. But… "D-diamond?" You yawn. "Diamond, wh-what are you doing here?"

Diamond Tiara giggled "Your father let me in silly. I wanted to see you, and cuddle with you."

Wuh? "Uhhhhh,"

Discord must have been messing with you. But, wait no. he couldn't just be messing with you. Because then this would be Discord posing as her. And, this didn't seem like it was him. And if it was morning. He would be setting up for the picnic. Did… Did Diamond wait for him to appear or something just to get in here? Did she not understand that it was over?

She cuddled closer, and gently kissed your neck, slowly and repeatedly. Ohhh-..ohhh..you started to blush. What was she doing? "D-diamond. C-come on. This is weird."

Diamond giggled into your ear. "What's wrong Anon? Don't you love me?" She giggled again. "Don't worry, I won't bite"

You gulped, oh god. OH GOD… did… did she want the D? Oh shit. you were so tempted. But… ugh. Applebloom, if she even knew. And even then, what was Diamond doing? You were sure that she understood that you broke up with her. "D-diamond?"

She looks up at you, loving, and hungrily says "Yes, my love muffin?"

Doooon't...

"D-diamond. I, I don't know. I mean, don't you remember? We broke up. I ended it"

She looked surprised, not hurt. Just surprised.

You sigh. "Diamond, I'm sorry.."

You really were, it looked like sexy times were going to happen.

"But I can't return your love, this isn't right. And it wouldn't be fair to Applebloom"

Diamond Tiara looked confused "Applewho?"

Applewho? "Applebloom, you know. Your former rival now good friend? Are you ok Diamond? What's up with you?"

Suddenly Diamond Tiara growled as she looked up to the ceiling "Grrr, when I say I want my intelligence up to date. I mean from a few minutes ago! You slackers!"

Wh-what the fuck?

You look up to the ceiling, and what you see, terrifies you to no end. Changelings, all over your ceiling. You look around. They were all over your room. a few even guarding the portal door.

You look back at Diamond Tiara, who was giving you a ferociously evil grin. "What's wrong darling? It looks like you have just seen a ghost."

O-oh no. You back up against your bed rest, as Diamond Tiara moves closer. Eyeing you deeply. Giggling at you. "Don't you love me? Even a little Anon? I could feel something from you before. Was it love? Or was it lust? Strange, given how young you are."

You gulp. You felt trapped. Diamond Tiara moved closer to you, no, not Diamond Tiara. You knew who it was. She began to gently rub her hoof on your chest. "Yes, how odd. it's too bad lust ,while just as delicious, is nutritionless. Otherwise you'd be quite a catch."

You swat her hoof away. "H-how did you get in here? I saw you get sealed away!"

The fake Diamond chortled at you "Oh, you did, did you? No, what you saw was my proxy when I go out and do my own little business. But, I did see you Anon. You and your father sitting down and enjoying the banishment of my hive. Tell me Anon, how do you think I felt about all that?"

You gulp, not answering.

"Oh, cat got your tongue? Well then, let me answer for you" the fake Diamond Tiara stepped back on your bed, as her eyes began to turn red. Her body being enraptured by green flames as she changes into her original form. Furious with anger "I FELT LIKE DESTROYING YOU, YOUR FATHER, AND THOSE ACCURSED PRINCESSES A MILLION TIMES OVER!"

OOHHH SHIT, FUCK THIS SHIT! You looked around as the changelings began to converge, slowly. Chrysalis took a few breaths to calm down, looking down upon you, smiling at your fear. "What's wrong Anon? What happened to all that bravery and arrogance? Oh ho ho, that's right. You don't have your father here to save you. He's setting up a picnic. Isn't he? Oh, and how we got here? That's easy. I've always known about the few wormholes that lead to this dimension. But only a fool would ever enter them. A fool, or somepony who just really has a thirst for revenge."

Oh no. Oh fucking shit. FUCKING SHIT! You had to get out of here.

"Of course, there's still the question on w-"

You immediately point to your window and scream out. "HOLY SHIT! A METEOR IS COMING THIS WAY!"

The changelings, being rather stupid, begin to scramble. A few ducking and grasping onto things. You immediately jump off your bed. You look to your portal door, FUCK. Too many changelings. Your Saddle Bag? Shit! Changelings there too. The Floor Door! That's it. There were no changelings around there. Fuck it, you'd rather take your chances floating through the dimension than end up dead.

You rush towards the floor door, only taking a quick glance at the changelings. While the drones were ducking or hiding. Chrysalis only stared at you, smirking evilly. Whatever, dumb bitch was probably ready to pounce you. No time to think. Just run!

You get to your floor door and quickly open it. The moment you do, you get a chair slammed right into you as you roll a few inches away from the door. Crawling out from the door was a slightly bigger changeling in armor, wait. Wasn't he...?

Chrysalis looked down on her changeling captain "Good of you to join us captain, Do you feel better now?"

The captain quickly turned and saluted his queen "Yes my Queen, so much better"

Chrysalis gets up from your bed and stands over you, smiling. She was staring at you recover from the daze of being hit. "I hope you didn't mind that little side dish of vengeance Anon. My captain had been wanting to do that ever since he randomly changed back from being a chair"

You shake your head, as your vision clarifies. At that moment, Chrysalis holds you down with her hoof.

You try hitting it away with your hooves, but you weren't strong enough "Let me go you dumb bitch! Dammit! Let me go!"

Chrysalis presses down on you a little, making you wince "Oh Anon, I'm never going to let you go. I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation."

She probably wanted to end you there and then, fucking just smacking her. You try biting her leg.

"O-OWwww!" You bite down hard, only to hurt your teeth on her extremely hard leg. It was almost like a shell.

Chrysalis pressed down even harder on you, hurting you enough to make you stop.

She looked down at you as you yelped, she was angry. She looked around at her children, All who have realized by now there was no meteor. And as she looked at them, she noticed a certain picture in a frame. One that filled her with rage. That picture.

Without a word. Her horn lights up and shoots a shot right at it. Obliterating it. She looked down at you, as you looked right at her. Those eyes, it looked like she wanted to kill you. "Oh, but you must be wondering Anon. How did I ever come to figure out that this was you and your father's fault? That too is easy to explain. You see, after I saw my hive banished and you and your father sitting around. I disguised myself as a royal guard. And decided to listen in on the Princesses's mockery of a job well done. And I found out such interesting things. I don't ever remember sending in a spy to assault Princess Cadence over her baby. A very lovely thought, in fact, a perfect revenge. But even I understood the costliness of either success or failure without a strong power backing me. I really thought one of my children was being stupid in trying to please me, they do tend to do that. But then, I saw that they had a copy of that picture… that picture" She growled.

"My queen, please remain calm! Your plan. please remember your plan!" her captain said, doing his best to help his queen calm.

Chrysalis growled, but she took another moment to calm herself, to keep herself from blasting you. "You're very lucky Anon, I'm in a very destroying mood today."

You gulp. A plan? what plan? Do you even dare ask?

You do. "W-what does he mean by a plan?"

Chrysalis smiles at you "A plan, Anon. Something I had thought out after finding out the truth. What, did you think I'd come here just to destroy you? Cute, but oh so wrong."

Yes. You slowly nod, looking at your saddle bag. If only… if only you could grab the horn. You could probably decimate them all. "Y-yeah, you look like you really want to." If only you could find a way to get her hoof off of you, you could make a dive for it.

Chrysalis snickered, it hid the rage she really felt. "Oh, I really do. But then I thought about it. I thought maybe this wasn't all your fault. You being a colt raised by a buffoon. I thought, maybe you needed a better parent. Somepony with experience."

Oh good lord no. "You mean somepony like you?"

Chrysalis nodded "How perceptive, I've heard you were very smart for somepony your age. Much smarter than any normal orphan. Come now Anon, wouldn't you want a mother instead of a father?"

Her eyes began to glow. "You'd have so many brothers and sisters to play with. Tell me Anon, what did your real mother look like? Did she have a coat like yours? a blonde mane maybe? blue eyes? Green? I could bring her back Anon, just for you."

Chrysalis's plan was simple. At least in her mind. The ultimate revenge. She'd take you as her own, warp your mind, turn you against your loved ones and friends, and ultimately bend even Discord to her will to get you back. Using his power to her own ends.

Her trance wasn't working on you however. She was trying to force love out of you, to hypnotize you using the love for your horse mother. A mother you never actually had. You just blink, you even tap at her hoof, but it remained where it was.

HAHA! Dumb bitch! She didn't have a foundation to get you to fall into her trance! You got this!

Before she could notice anything wrong, you start to relax yourself, and just look straight up to her and softly say. "Momma?"

You could feel the pressure from her hoof already lightening up. Chrysalis's smile became more gentle, her eyes glowing brighter "Yes, my child, that's right. I am your mother."

You look at her hoof, then give her the cutest, saddest eyes you could. "Momma, why are you hurting me?"

Chrysalis smile was half soft, half evil. She took her hoof off of you. "I'm sorry, my little Anon. You had a nightmare. I was only trying to wake you." She kept herself from snickering "Tell me, how much do you love your mother?"

You take a quick glance at the bag, then at her and smiled happily. "Lots and lots Momma!"

Chrysalis smiled at first, but then, she started to show anger again, hatred.

You go for it, you jump for the bag and manage to gnab it. But Chrysalis was not fooled, she stomps and holds the bag down as she looks down at you with disgust "Did you really think you could fool me? Not a single ounce of love for even your own mother. Even as I, a changeling queen who feeds on the pathetic love of others. Finds the likes of you sickening"

You scoff at her as you try pulling your bag away. "Says the stupid idiot who just stood there and let the heroes just blast her. You dumb cunt!"

Chrysalis growled at you and smacked you into the wall "That's it! I've had enough of you! Things will work just fine when they find you as a smoldering pile of ash!"

"Ngh!" You look up, you were cornered, oh god, oh god. It was over. Chrysalis was lighting her horn up, ready to zap you into nothingness. Her children looking at you, with soulless, emotionless expressions.

You didn't manage it. You thought you could at least thwart a villain. But you were useless. Her ambush worked. It was over. You were too scared to even look at her, you covered yourself with your legs, and waited for the inevitable. You nearly cried. All your friends, Fluttershy… hell, even Discord. You couldn't imagine how they'd react to this.

You could hear Discord now, you probably could guess on just what'd he say. "I can't believe I forgot the poison joke! Can't have a good sub sandwich without poison joke to ease it down!"

....Wait.

......That's not what he'd say.

You look up, you could see the changelings and Chrysalis looking to the side. What? You look, Discord was taking poison joke out of your dresser "Anon never even bothered trying to look in the other drawers, a perfect prank ruined by his ineptitude to be curious."

You could see the changelings were scared, ready to either pounce or run. Even the captain didn't look ready for this. Chrysalis herself, She didn't look ready for this at all. She thought she had more time. Or moreso, she wasn't expecting Discord to show up before she could leave. You take advantage of the situation and call out to Discord, who didn't seem to realize what was going on.

"Discord!"

"hmmm?" Discord looked over to you "Oh Anon, you're up earlier than expected. But good morning to you none the less. I'm afraid we aren't ready for the picnic, but we will be soon."

WHAT?! DID HE NOT SEE YOU WERE IN DANGER?!

"DISCORD! THE CHANGELINGS! THEIR RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!"

"Oh, you mean your guests? Oh, right. Yes yes, I'll punish you later for not telling me you were inviting them. I'd rather you still have privileges before the picnic was over."

Chrysalis was edging towards the portal door, she was going to open it for her and her changelings to escape. For whatever reason, Discord wasn't responding to them. "DISCORD! THIS IS SERIOUS! THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!"

GODDAMMIT! THIS WASN'T THE TIME TO JOKE!

Chrysalis quickly opens the door, and tries to escape. But her and her children are met with a brick wall instead. And they all hit their heads trying to rush out.

Discord began to smile evilly. "Oh, going so soon? I hope you don't think you're above punishment as well, you all are uninvited guests after all."

Discord waved his paw as every changeling, including even yourself, fly and crash right to the walls and ceiling.

"DISCORD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Discord laughed embarrassingly "Oh right. Sorry, I over did it a little”

Discord waved his paw again, as you fell from the wall and right onto your head. FUCKING TYPICAL.

As you rub your head, Chrysalis barks at Discord angrily "LET US GO, YOU HOMEWRECKING MONSTER!"

Discord rubs the poison joke along his chin as he thinks up an answer "ummmmm… nope."

You rub your head as you rush up to Discord's side. "ugh, geez. Thanks for coming Discord. could have eased up a little, but. How did you know they were here?"

Discord shrugged "I didn't, I was just grabbing my poison joke. I honestly didn't expect them to be here. Speaking of which, would you mind holding it for me? I think I feel a chat coming on" Discord holds the poison joke to you and drops it.

You quickly step back and dodge it. "I'm not holding that thing! I know what it does!"

Discord rolls his eyes at you "Ugh, what a baby."

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