• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,517 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 3

And as if time was never stuck. Applebloom continued exactly where she left off. "And ahm glad you chose Cutie Mark Crusader Tours! Which just opened today!"

"Yeah… Lucky me" You gave her a sarcastic tone, but there was a hint of amusement. Since you're stuck between either this or more chaotic nonsense. You might as well play the part of "new friend"...even if the hoofshake was forced upon you. "Ahrm… Lead the way, miss Applebloom"

"Ahh shucks, ya don't have to call me miss. Just Applebloom is fine"

...Ok. You guessed she wasn't being fully professional about this apparently. "Ahh, yeah..ahrm..hrn"

Well, you might as well be nicer. You wanted to come to Equestria to be nicer. Have companionship and friendship. And have super awesome adventures. And Applebloom was going to be the best training you were gonna get. The ultimate crash course...as designed by Discord.

"I think I'm really going to enjoy this tour." You just throw in some nice words as Applebloom turns to exit the clubhouse. You could swear you saw her smile a bigger smile when she heard your words.

"Glad ya think so! Because there’s ALOT to cover. Of course ya know this is the official Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse. The next stop is Sweet Apple Acres, where yer gonna meet a bona fide Element of Harmony...MUH SISTER!"

....Ohhh....Oh damn. You couldn't really get excited about meeting Applejack. Well maybe a little since you were gonna meet her in person. And if you can get in with her. The others would be a throws stone a way.

"Can't wait! Oh man, super awesomely excited to meet the famous and most forefront of the elements,Applejack! She's one of my favorites, you know?" Christ… What a lie that was. You forced yourself to sound really ecstatic about that.

Applebloom turned to you with a grin as she led you out and towards the farm. "Wow, usually a lot of ponies just talk about Twilight due to her being a princess and all. Not a lot of ponies ever talk about my sister."

"Oh yeah, the whole Apple family thing. Totally into it. I heard the ones in Ponyville were the best. So it's actually an honor to have a tour of Ponyville from you, Applebloom"

Applebloom did a jumping spin hearing that. "Wow, now I kinda feel like a big cele-..wait" Applebloom realized something. "Ya...ya didn't seem excited to meet me before."

QUICK! COUNTER LIE! KONAMI CODE! DO IT! "Oh..oh well. I was just nervous. I'm just a normal colt compared to you all. I mean, I've even heard of a few cool exploits about the main members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Really really caught me off guard."

Applebloom's excitement piqued. "Wow! What have ya heard about us Anon? Really neat stuff, right?"

..Oh...uhh shit. You weren't really big on CMC episodes. Usually it was them just fucking up really bad. There had to be an episode where they did something useful. Uhhh… "Well....uhhmnn...uha.."

Applebloom slowed down, she seemed to notice that you may have been lying. Or was starting to. You had to come up with something.

"Uhh....uh like..umm..That..oh yeah. That Troubleshoes. I heard you and your friends managed to clear his name of all those crimes and stuff. That's uhh....amazing"

Applebloom seemed confused by those words. It did happen. But worthy of spread? Well, at least you didn't seem to hear about the part where Applejack royally punished them afterwards. She tried to save face. "That was us, we couldn't let him be seen as a criminal, he just wasn't the type. He was a really good pony"

You nod in agreeance. He was a good guy from what you saw. You wondered if she suspected anything. As you also remember her getting royally punished by Applejack. You thought it might put a dent in the "legend". But it seemed to have worked.

As you both approached the farm, You and Applebloom could see the home near the center. Granny Smith was rocking back and forth on a rocking chair. Applebloom waved to her. "Hey Granny Smith!"

There she was. The real Granny Smith. Looking somehow more wrinkly in person...pony...eh..
the both of you approached her as Applebloom started to spout some facts about the farm and her family. Stuff you already knew. You just nodded in agreeance.

"....and this here is Granny Smith. One of the wisest ponies of all Equestri-oh...she fell asleep again. "

Oh god… Did you arrive just in time for her to die from old age? She seemed kind of unmoving. "Is she alright?"

Applebloom walked up to her and gave her a small shake with her hoof. "Granny Smith? Ya alright?"

Granny Smith took a deep snorting breath before slowly opening her eyes and looking down at Applebloom. she smiled at her "Applebloom? Oh hello dearie, are ya getting all yer chores done?" Applebloom giggled.

"Already got em done, Hey Granny Smith. Ah want ya to meet Anon. He's new around Ponyville!"

She pointed to you. You just gave a small nervous smile and waved. But then you noticed Granny Smith's expression suddenly become dark and sharp as she darts like a rocket and tackles you. "STAY AWAY FROM APPLEBLOOM YA VARMIT!"

OH GOOD CHRIST IN HELL. THIS WAS IT. THIS WAS YOUR FINAL MOMENT. YOU ARE GONNA DIE BY SOME OLD PONE. WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE THINKING?! DID YOU HAVE A LEWD THOUGHT ABOUT APPLEBLOOM IN UNDERWEAR OR SOMETHING?! BECAUSE IF YOU DID. SHE PICKED UP ON IT FAST!

You covered your face as she wound up her hoof. Applebloom called out "Granny Smith! What are ya doin’?! Why are ya attacking Anon?"

"Anon..hmmm..mmm?" Granny Smith stopped to take a better look at you. You were shaking in fear, Your eyes closed, as to not see impending death. "...Well what do ya know, yer just a small colt. Coulda sworn you were a vicious bear about to gobble up little Applebloom here"

Bear… BEAR?! SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE A BEAR?! WHAT?!

You didn't say a word, you were speechless, you just took a quick peek as you saw her slowly get off of you and suddenly have trouble standing as she wiped you off with a shaking hoof. "Awful sorry there young fella, ah didn't mean to give ya such a fright. but I still got some of that olllllllleeee maternal instinct in me, heh heh, yup, like a cat."

You just laid there. Staring.

"Well don't just lay there sonny, what? Ya act like ya never been taken down by a lady of my particular type before." Granny said.

Applebloom giggled, seeing the danger was over "Ah don't think he ever has. Are ya alright Granny Smith? Never seen ya do that before."

"Oh I'm alright, just was trying to get some more rest on mah chair after pulling an all nighter. And yer sister thought I couldn't get the work done." Granny Smith flexed her feeble leg as Applebloom giggled again.

"Well, more like she just tried to stop ya from working and get ya into bed. But ya did amazing Granny Smith. It was like you were younger last night." Applebloom praised

“Welllllll, that's because yer only as young as ya feel and-ohhh!" Suddenly a small snap in her back is heard. "And ah feel a little older than usual, just gonna get back on mah chair here and count some sheep....Anon, ya still on the ground?"

You were. Ugh, you were still in a stupor from the pounce. You recomposed yourself quickly and stood up. "Sorry..was still surprised..umm..from...that."

Granny Smith plopped herself back onto her chair and started rocking "Well next time ya gotta dodge better, back in my day. We were all as quick as a whip and strong to boot. Hrnn.." Granny Smith narrowed her eyes and looked at you. "Kinda bony for somepony so young… ehhhmm… Applebloom, why don't ya take him to the kitchen and get em somethin' to eat. He looks like he hasn't eaten in days."

Hey! What was wrong with the way you looked?! It's better than your human form.

Applebloom saluted "Alright! you get some rest Grann- ..oh"

She was already asleep.

Applebloom smiled at her and turned to you. "Well ya heard her. Let's get ya somethin' to eat. You do look kind of skinny, come on!"

Applebloom walked inside as you slowly followed. Suddenly, as you pass Granny Smith. You hear her mumble. "Anon..mnn...Anon..what kinda name is Anon? Never...mnnn..heard that before..Sounds silly to me..nmm"

Great… She's asleep and yet still able to criticize your name. You'd be more upset. But you were about to have some ACTUAL home cooking instead of microwave shit. It was actually sort of enticing. Especially since you knew the Apples could cook. Well, you knew Applejack and Granny Smith could. Now you kind of had to hope Applejack was inside to ask for some of her cooking, lest you get stuck with Applebloom's.

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