• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,261 Views, 2,758 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 2

Oh holy christ on a stick. It's Applebloom. The REAL Applebloom. Damn your degeneracy. You found her remarkably adorable now that you got to see her personally. But NOPE… NOPE… NOPPPEEE.

You know the hell you'd have to endure if you became a CMC. You had to act chill, and not draw attention to your blank flank. Yeah, you could do this. You were one smooth cat...er...pony

"......"

You say nothing, you are too nervous. Real Smooth.

Applebloom tilted her head in confusion "Hey? Ya alright? ..hrn"

Applebloom was confused. She wasn't expecting company. She was getting the clubhouse cleaned up from an earlier adventure. And now suddenly you were there. a colt she's never seen. In a place you wouldn't have heard about....unless..

"Umm.. Ya got a name… Are ya alright?" Applebloom asked curiously, as she slowly began to move around you. Scanning you, looking to see if you have a certain mark.

You step back. She seemed awfully curious. You couldn't let her see your side. But you had no idea how to talk to her.

"hr...Wait, hey fella, WAIT!" Applebloom suddenly freaked out and reached her hoof towards you
But alas, you fall off from where the clubhouse is and fall face first into the ground. You were beginning to wonder if you were growing an immunity to this.

However, it was a pretty hard hit. You find yourself heavily dazed and it's difficult to stand.
Applebloom rushed down towards you "Gee whilikers! You coulda gotten really hurt! Are ya alright?"

You try to compose yourself. you have double vision. "Y-yeah..just sorta tripped..eheh"

"Fallin' is more like it. are ya lost? I've never seen ya before. Did you just roll on in to Ponyville?" Applebloom said as she checked to see if you were alright.

It was probably the hit on the head...again. But you weren't as nervous as before. "You can say something like that..ugh" You rub your head.

"I guess you can say I just "dropped" in, haha" You chuckle at your own silly pun. But Applebloom isn't laughing. She's suddenly silent. You turn to see what she is looking at. And you notice her eyes are on your flank. And it wasn't for sexy reasons.

"Hey! ya don't got your cutie mark either, huh?" Applebloom exclaimed

You sniff as your pupils shrink, ohhhh goooooooood lord. "N-no..." You turn towards her and again, begin to back up

"Then ya really are at the right place! I'm Applebloom, and this here is the headquarters for the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!"

You cringe at her sudden yell. Why did she have to do that?

Applebloom was getting excited "We're always looking for new members! and yer exa-huh?"

You raise your hoof towards her face, it's a little shaky. But...you can't let this go further. You were nervous alright. This wasn't part of your plan. You felt if you ended up as a CMC. You would be taken less seriously by the mane 6. And again, Being a CMC was dangerous as hell.

"L-look, I'm not interested in joining. I'm fine as is.I don't really care about getting a cutie mark, alright?"

Applebloom's eyes widened at those words. "WHAAA?! NOT CARE ABOUT GETTIN' YER CUTIE MARK?! YA GOTTA BE KIDDIN' ME!"

Crap, you made her even more excited. It looked like she was about to lecture you. You take a breath. "ahh, wait. I meant. you know, at the moment. Look, I was just trying to find Ponyville. Can you point me to it?"

But Applebloom was still stunned. What a turn of events. Good grief. "I can't let ya go to town with a attitude like that! Every pony needs to do their best to get their cutie mark! Ya clearly ended up here for a reason!"

oh come on…

You shook your head "what? No..no. Look, I only ended up here because I...I dunno...got lost. I just wanna get int-WHAAA!"

Suddenly she grabs your hooves somehow and starts dragging you up into the clubhouse. "I gotta get ya in the clubhouse immediately! agh, ah wish Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were here! This here's an emergency!"

No! nooo! You can't be dragged in there! You fought hard to break whatever grip she had on you. The horrors that could happen could be anything. More lecturing, entrapment, oh god...she might even break into a song and dance number.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" You weren't very strong for an earth pony. Or a male. You couldn't break free.

She manages to push you into the clubhouse and closes the door behind you, and sits in front of it. Before you could gather your thoughts or mount an escape. She starts speaking to you. "There we go, safe and sound!"

"Safe and what? Look...why did you drag me up here? You..you realize you just kid-coltnapped me right?"

Applebloom seemed to be sitting in place, as if she was guarding the door. Perhaps that's what she was doing. "Ah did no such thing, I just brought ya in here to break the mind control."

Mind...control? you cocked an eyebrow. "Are you serious?"

"As serious as a parasprite on fire! ya can't even say yer name and yer actin' all weird, definitely mind control."

Of all the hair brained… You sigh heavily, aggravated. "Look, I'm not under any kind of mind control. And my name is Anon. See? I know my name. Now how about letting me out of here?"

Applebloom tilted her head again "Anon? That doesn't seem like a real name to me"

NOT A REAL NAME?! You gave her a stink eye as you fluffed up your chest and gave it a pat
"It is a real name! It is the name of a real Man...ma-Stallion! I meant Stallion!..eheh"

Applebloom tapped her lower muzzle "Anon...Anon....nope, never heard of ANYPONY with a name close to that. Are ya sure that's yer real name?"

You coughed, you were really starting to feel as if everything about you was truly insignificant. "yeah it's my real name...it is a real name ,you know"

Applebloom shrugged "I guess maybe that's why yer lost then, ya must be one of them exotic livin types that live far far away. I guess they don't really care about cutie marks from...uhhh...wherever ya'll are from." Well, she wasn't wrong about that

You brush yourself off "Something like that....so, how about letting me go, huh?"

Applebloom shook her head "I ain't budging, ah don't know exactly where ya from. But I can't let ya go to Ponyville the way ya are now. Some fillies there, ya know, are really mean to ponies like us. We gotta stick together!"

huhm....she must mean Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. A noble sentiment. But you could handle a bunch of schoolyard bitches.

You try to walk past her. "I appreciate the concern, But I can take care of-" She won't move "ya mind? I'm telling you I can handle it." Applebloom shook her head

You were starting to lose your patience. "Listen! I don't need a cutie mark to do super awesome things like most ponies do. I'm fine as I am right now. It's not your responsibility to worry about me. alright? Let me...through!" But she didn't budge.

She could remember how easily Babs fell prey to them when she first showed. And someone such as you seem like they could be potentially screwed over a million times over.

You raise a hoof to her threateningly. "I will beat you! So help me. I will!"

Applebloom frowned, and began to falter

“Wh-what?...y-you'd really do that? ah was....ah was only tryin' to help. Things c-could really go bad for ya if you think the way ya are thinking..." Applebloom frowned from your sudden burst of threats

...Oh crap. you didn't mean to do that. You thought she'd maybe just move. Not pull out something like that. You couldn't give in. Not to her cuteness, and not to her reasoning and good will.

"Ah...mmmm" You lower your hoof. "...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm not used to being..umm..around these parts."

"Ah noticed. Ahm sorry about being forceful. I just thought I could help ya out at least. Ya know, show ya around. We could even meet some of the good natured ponies of Ponyville."

"I appreciate it b-...wait. Did you say show me around Ponyville?"

Applebloom nodded "'course ah did. ya would get lost without a tour guide like myself" she gave you a wider smile as the conversation continued, seemingly in her favor.

"Tour guide? Heh, that sounds like another way to get a cutie mark" Applebloom says nothing, she just smiles at the prospect.

...right… That's probably exactly it.

Applebloom was already raring to go "....and then maybe, when we're done. You could be-"

You hold your hoof up to her again, you could see where this was going. "Stop right there. Ain't gonna happen."

Applebloom gave you big sad eyes "Ya would think about it though right? It's not everyday a colt our age shows up without a cutie mark. We could always use new members."

Her pitch was pushy and lousy. No doubt she was pushing as it'd increase the odds of getting a cutie mark and she'd make a new friend in the process. You also began to wonder if Discord was watching or if he fucked off somewhere. You closed your eyes and took a small breath. What harm would it be to tell her you'd think about it?

"Fine, I'll keep it in my thoughts. I mean, I could probably change my mind later. right?"
Applebloom nodded profusely, already getting excited at the thought and wanting to tell her friends immediately.

"Ok then… About that tour." Applebloom then held out her hoof. You stared at it.

"...o...k. Why are you doing that?"

Applebloom giggled. "It's a hoofshake silly, ya know. Because we're friends now."

You put your hoof to your forehead. Holy shit you forgot how quickly friendship can work in pastel colored horse land. "Look I-ah?!"

Suddenly you found yourself bringing your hoof to Applebloom's and giving it a quick shake. "a-ah-ah"

Applebloom smiled. She now had made a new friend in you. Meanwhile you didn't even have to guess what happened. You muttered under your breath "Discord..."

Suddenly, the moment you do. Everything turns dark blue and freezes in place. even Applebloom. You are immediately startled and step back. "o-oh crap. What's going on now?!" You turn left and right, and suddenly. you hear a voice.

"Come now Anon, I was just used to you calling me dad. You could also call me father or daddy if you like." It was him. You looked around to see where he was at

"Where are you?!" You turn to see a picture of the CMC. But something was odd. Applebloom's eyes were yellow and red. Instead of the shade of blues you found yourself in.

You sighed. "I know you're in the picture...Dad. Basic stuff. You gotta do better than that." The Applebloom in the picture made a grumpy face at you. It was him.

"My my, what a party pooper. And here I thought me and Applebloom could catch you offguard" Him and appl-what?

"What do you mean you and Applebloom" The Discord eyes shifted to Scootaloo, giving it new life as he just shrugged

"Oh nothing, just thought I'd incorporate Applebloom into this"

Into this? Into what? You turn to look at the frozen Applebloom. But the moment you do, she's suddenly in your face. Colored red. Her eyes Black as coal with beady red pupils and her smile wide with jagged teeth. You turn snow white and fall back with a yell, bringing yourself to the wall. However, the moment you look back. She's back, frozen in her original position.

Discord laughs as you breath heavily from fright.

"TH-THAT WASN'T FUNNY!"

"No? I certainly thought it was. I don't get to do that often. If I tried that on any other pony. Well...Heart attacks can happen. Good to know you're made of thicker stuff, Anon." Discord chuckled

You gulp, your voice low

"You're crazy...." you say in a shaky voice.

Discord chortles as he hops out of the picture. Slowly changing back into his original form. He then begins to curl around you.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic." He gently dragged his fingered talon under your neck. "Can't you see you just hit your first milestone?"

First milestone? You move your head away from his talon as you realize he has you in a firm yet gentle and warm grip with his body. It was kind of soothing after such a scare. "What do you mean?"

Discord tapped your head "Think Anon, what did you just do?"

"...Almost die?"

Discord sighed and knocked on your head "No my dear son, I mean with Applebloom"

You… simply couldn't connect the dots.

"I'll give you a clue, it starts with an F and ends in..." Before he finished his sentence. He snapped his fingers. Causing a boat to smash through one side of the clubhouse and exit the other. "...ship"

That was...pretty neat actually. Must be getting used to his tamer tricks. Also...It just hit you. "....ohhh..you mean...wait a second. I didn't do that! You did!"

"Oh, why must you always get so snippy with the details. The important thing is the outcome, isn't it?"

"But I didn't want to be her friend...I..." You stopped. Aside from perceiving her as a danger. She didn't seem all that bad. Just upon your first meeting she cared about your well being. You've seen that trait on the show itself. But, experiencing first hand. Thinking back on it now…

"......."

Discord's smile widened "hrn? Oh, my adorable son. Is that a change of heart I sense? Let's see" Discord was suddenly holding a heart in his paw "Oh look..it did change"

Nooooo... That wasn't... "IS THAT?! IS THAT..MY HEART?! AHH?! AHHH!!!!" You struggle to get your hooves out of Discord's grip so you could put them on your chest to find a heartbeat

Discord chuckles "Anon, relax. it's only a problem if....oh look. It stopped beating..ahh yes, it does need bloodflow and all that to stay pumping, right?"

You turned white and fell forward back into his fur as you gurgled.

Discord scoffed as he snapped the heart away, back to it's original place "Really Anon, You're embarrassing yourself. You should be happy. You made your first friend!"

You start taking deep breaths as you feel your blood pumping again. ".....You..nearly killed...me"

Discord knocked on your head, it stung a little. "Stay on point Anon, I'm trying to congratulate you on a job well done."

Again, you feel a bout of anger as your strength returns. But you still can't break his grip. "You forced it on me! Do you know how annoying it is going to be for me now that's she's my "friend"? "

Discord used his magic to bring the frozen filly close to you and points to her face "But look Anon, are you going to tell me you would crush her feelings simply over some silly notion of being an adult? Because we already know how *snort* how much nonsense that is, don't we? Hehehe."

You started to get frustrated. There he goes again. Just because he made you young didn't mean you were a kid! "I'm not a kid! I am a fully grown human adult that you changed for some stupid reason!"

"Stupid? Well..maybe. But humans themselves are pretty stupid to begin with. You think so right? That's one of the reasons you wanted to come here sooooo badly...isn't it?"

"I...ah..." You kept your mouth shut. He was right. You weren't very happy living on Earth.

"Mhmm, well. Then, doing stupid things isn't so bad sometimes Anon. Well, at least for me it's not. But that's more of the fact that I'm the best. As for you, I'm merely trying to be a good father after all, you may have been an adult before. But as it stands, you're a kid now...MY kid."

HIS KID?! You really were more like his plaything. How dare he! He can't do this to you! But before you could make another retort. He was gone, and you and applebloom were back in your original positions. But everything was still frozen in time.

"....hrmmm" With nothing to say, and only a matter of time before...well...time resumes. You decide to examine Applebloom's expression. She looks....so happy. Really? Was something so simple enough to make her grin like that? You haven't even known her for....well. You've only known her for a short length of time. She's pretty friendly to begin with and being cutie markless makes you a damned target regardless for her little club. Just looking at that beaming smile though. itkind of made you feel warm. Which was good because it let you know your heart was working.

But...hrn. You were sure you were still adult capable. Discord is just super old and powerful. Everyone would be a kid to him. That had to be it. As for Applebloom, well, it's too late anyway. Time to grit your teeth and bare it. Besides, it made her happy. And It might not be so bad.

And with that, color started to return to the room. As time began to resume.

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