• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,515 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 240 - Flim Flam Future Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Discord angrily cares.
Anon recognizes a thing.
And Chrysalis is a bush.

You hop back into the void from the window victorious. After landing on the ground, you snicker in victory and pump your leg out like a fist. "Ha! That wasn't so tough! I knew I could do it!" You then peer around to see Discord on a recliner, with a soda hat and popcorn on his belly as he sits watching static on a tv. He was also wearing sunglasses.

You smirk at him. "Comfy?"

Discord raises his sunglasses and smirks right back. "I am..Good work Anon, you made it entertaining AND you won. And that kiss..." Discord gives you a wink "Nice touch"

"Compliments? Haha, now we're talking. It was pretty good, huh?" You rub your hoof on your chest and make your grin even smarmier.

"It was! Especially the part where we got to see just how thick headed you truly are. I was laughing for minutes!" Discord let out a cruel chuckle.

You just look at him with a stoic look. ".....buzzkill." You roll your eyes and walk over to one of the doors. "...wait till you see what I got in store for whatever is behind this....." You take a moment to look at the doors, then put your hoof on the last one. "Door! Haha!"

"Confident are we? The little bat didn't make you want to chicken out?" Discord says as he pulls out and bites on a chicken leg.

"Tch, no! I beat her didn't I? I didn't even need the horn."

"Which is good, yet saddening. I was waiting for you to put on the horn only to realize it's still the day that Chrysalis saved you. Now that would have been the icing on the cake. But nonetheless, using the grappling hook was a good plan too. But the bat is right, you shouldn't announce your attacks." Discord tells you as he bites into his food

You shift your eyes slowly to Discord. "....Good to know you have a heart, Discord." You smirk, it was nice to hear some caring words from him every now and again. Even if he tried to explain it away as something else.

"Don't look too deeply into it. So then, are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" Discord looks to you with a serious look "Are you sure you can handle this? I would have difficulty pulling you out if you run into danger."

You put your hoof on the door and give it a rub. "I'll be fine, I have my wits, I have my grappling hook, horn, Chrysalis.......and..Oh...ohh" You smack your forehead. "I'm gonna need a super recharge on my funds. Mind helping with that?"

"Of course, I'll even pack you some food in the process" Discord shoots a small ray at your bag. Fattening it up while retaining it's same weight. "Anon, remember. The ponies you see in that realm, even if you know them, will not-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I know. I know how this crap works. Who do you think I am anyway? I know they won't know me. What kind of an idiot would walk into something like this and think they could still talk to the ponies they know as if they'd know them from another dimension? It'll be fine, I promise. If anything, it'll give me some breathing room since I get a clean slate. Anyway, you remember what to do with Chrysalis right?"

"Yes yes.." Discord said, annoyed as he goes back to viewing the screen "I too know what I'm doing. Just choose your door and I'll send her a little after. I'll leave the rest to you."

"Ok then..." You open the door, and peer into the nothingness. "Discord, thanks for everything by the way. I know I've said it before. But it's always nice to be reminded...y'know?"

Discord let's out a soft murmur. "Yes...I suppose. I..." Discord sighs "I thank you as well, ...for reasons"

Looks like he wasn't in the mood to be more soft hearted. "So....even though you said this is gonna be fun for you. Are you not going to be the least bit worried?"

"Of course I'll be worried. But unlike a certain pony, I know I can trust in you to do what is needed to survive...and if somehow you don't.....well....don't NOT survive...alright? ERGH!" Discord started to get really annoyed "DON'T MAKE ME HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS ON THIS ANON! DON'T MAKE ME SOUND LIKE TWILIGHT! GRRR! I WORKED VERY HARD TO GET THIS SET UP! I WILL NOT DRUDGE UP PERFECTLY VALID REASONS TO PULL YOU BACK!" Discord picked you up with his magic.

"W-woah! What are you doing?" You kicked about as you hovered in midair

"KICKING YOU OUT BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND! ARREVADERCI!" Discord angrily flicks his talon forward. Launching you through the door.

"W-WOOOAAHH" You fly forward and drop onto the ground, rolling onto a dirt road before coming to a stop on your belly. "O-ogghh...dammit. N-note to self....don't make Discord care TOO much...ngh...hmm?"

As you slowly begin to stand, you realize he did in fact send you through the door, looking at the sky made it pretty obvious. There was....pollution? ".....what in the....."

The sky was reddish and glassy instead of it's beautiful blue color. And the smell....smelled like Earth. "....What the hell happened?...wait..." You noticed vast but empty fields all around you. The grass was not doing very well, and there were tree stumps everywhere....no way. "Deforestation?...what in the...What kind of futu-"

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSCOOOOOOOORRRDDD! OOMPH!" Falling right next to you, right onto her head, was queen Chrysalis herself. In normal form no less. She slides a little, and then falls on her back.

You just look over her with a smile. "Guess he sent you to look after me, eh sis?"

Chrysalis, dazed, looks up at you, annoyed. "How can you even smile when....wait.." Chrysalis gets up frantically and looks around. "What happened?! Where are we?! WHAT DID HE DO?!" Chrysalis didn't recognize at all where she was. It seems she didn't even realize she was thrown into a portal.

You look around the area, acting ignorant of the situation. "All I know is that he sent us into another Equestria. I think he wants us to solve its problem.."

Chrysalis went into a rage. "IT'S PROBLEM?! WHAT DOES HE CARE ABOUT PROBLEMS?! AND WHY IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD OF EQUESTRIA WOULD HE EVEN SEND US INTO AN EQUESTRIA NOT OF OUR OWN?! WHAT'S THE POINT?! I KNOW HE WON'T JUST LEAVE US HERE...SO WHY?!"

You shrug. "For kicks"

Chrysalis went silent, her mane frazzled as she just stares emptily forward. ".....right"

"Yeeeahhh....Welp, looks like we're stuck on an adventure together. Because I don't think we can leave until we figure out what the problem is...and looking around. It looks like a pretty big problem" You were beginning to question if this really was Equestria, it was just too...dirty.

It was almost nostalgic in a way...the pollution and deforestation...what exactly happened to cause this though? This doesn't seem like something Celestia would do. Nor any other villain.

"It smells like one too....ergh" Chrysalis did not enjoy the smell at all. "What is that foul stench?"

"That...is the smell of industry. It's kind of like how Earth is. Y'know, this could be a future where technology won out over magic."

"How terrible...unless the technology is as good as humans then it's not worth my time" Chrysalis was looking at her hoof "....at least the buffoon was "kind" enough to not limit me. But..." Chrysalis took another look around. "To be forced to help ponies? That doesn't even sound like him...he's growing soft."

You step past her, looking upon the emptiness of the landscape. "Or he just wants to see us suffer while doing it. This doesn't look like it's gonna be easy"

Chrysalis was narrowing her eyes into the horizon. To her...the whole place seemed dead. There wasn't even any animals around. "It can't be that hard. I've seen how these ponies work, they usually fix the problem within thirty minutes."

"But these aren't our ponies" You remind her.

"I know that, but they are still ponies. The point is we have no reason to be here, I'm sure Twilight and her insipid friends are already dealing with the.....hrn?" Chrysalis's ear perks up.

"What is it?"

"I hear a strange noise, coming from behind that hill" She points to the hill ahead of the both of you. "Right there"

"Huh.." You turn your head and flick your ear a few times to try to catch the sound. After a small moment, you can hear it...and it sounded familiar. It was like an engine noise, sputtering and coming closer.

"....Is that a car? That sounds like a car" Could it be?

"What? Like those stupid little derby cars I've seen foals use? That can't be Anon, they don't make that kind of noise" Chrysalis countered, she felt there was no way that could be right.

"N-no, it's a car alright. I've heard this kind of noise before back on Earth. The hell?...Wait..Chrysalis! YOU GOTTA TRANSFOR-...huh?" You take a look around, and notice she was gone..oddly enough. There was suddenly a bush. "C-chrysalis?...H-hello?"

"Over here you boob...."

Wha? You hear her voice coming from the bush, but you look all around it and see no bugbutt. "Where?" You say, slightly worried as you couldn't even see a hint of her.

Suddenly, the bush moves and slaps you in the face with one of its branches. "What?! Ow! What was that?!..ok!" You get really annoyed now. "Where are you?! are you invisible or something?! And why...OW!"

The bush slaps you again, enough to notice that nothing was pushing the branch to slap you. No.....No......that can't be. "..Chrysalis...are you..the bush itself?"

"Noooooo, you think? WHAT ELSE WOULD I BE YOU NIMROD?! NOW GET BEHIND ME BEFORE YOU'RE SPOTTED!" She growls at you as leaves drop off her body. Did...Did that hurt her in some way?

"But...I...I didn't know chang-OW!"

"NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO BE AMAZED BY SOMETHING I'VE BEEN DOING FOR YEARS! GET BEHIND ME BEFORE I UNVIRGINATE YOU THROUGH YOUR REAR!"

That makes you wince enough to already feel the pain in the ass. You duck behind the Changebush and peer around to the road.

And then you realize something. "Wait...why am I hiding? I'm just a colt."

"And when do you usually find a colt in the middle of nowhere?" Chrysabush states.

.....

"Good point"

The car finally starts to come over the hill. It looked like one of those old vehicles you pumped from the front with some spinny thing. you didn't know. you seen it in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang".

"Wow..it really is an old style car"

"Odd, since you know of it. Do you think it has anything to do with your human world? I've seen trains and such...but never something like that" Chrysalis wasn't impressed by it, but still found it peculiar.

"...I'd..maybe?...I dunno...Discord was pretty clear this was a possible future caused by somepony from a certain dimension. So I think the likelihood is actually kind of slim.....wait..." You narrow your eyes to squint over to the driver. That meek disposition, those soft eyes, that lightly colored coat. "Coco?....Holy shit..I know that pony"

"You do? Then perhaps you can ask her what's going on" It seems even Chrysalis isn't fully aware of how dimensional travel works.

"No...ugh..see, I know the Coco from our Equestria...that's a completely different Coco and...oh holy crap her engine is sputtering pretty bad" Bad enough that the car just slows to a stop when it reaches the bottom of the hill. "Doesn't look like her car is reliable though."

She got out of her car, she was frantic, scared even. You didn't quite understand why she was scared. But she went to get the wrench like object from the trunk to spin pump the engine back to working order.

"Anon, if you knew her back in our world. Then that should mean she has the same personality in this one. If it's from a possible future, then logic dictates that they'd still all have that terribly annoying personality all ponies haveā€¦ Perfect for making friends with a colt, even if they are out in the middle of nowhere. Just make up some lie that you're lost and i'm sure she'll be gullible enough to believe it. Go make friends then ask for directions"

....Huh. "Hey, that actually might work. Thanks Chrysalis. Ok...." You make the cutest and saddest face you can. "How do I look?"

"Infuriatingly annoying....it's perfect."

"Cool.....ok, here I go." You walk out from behind the bush and approach Coco, intending to get as much information from her as possible. "E-excuse me...m-miss? C-can you help me?"

Coco stops spinning the crank and looks over to you. But the reaction you expected was not what you got. She looked more terrified than Fluttershy. "S-stay back! St-stay back, w-whoever you are! Y-you're one of those nasty highwayponies...a-aren't you?"

Highwayponies? Like highwaymen?

You act startled. "N-no! Honest...I'm lost..My parents left me and..."

"L-LIAR! S-STAY BACK OR I'LL SHOOT!" Coco aims her right front leg at you...she had some sort of thing attached to her leg...HOLY FUCK IS THAT A GUN?! "A-as a high representative of Polomare incorporated, I-I have a special license to use this! D-Don't make me use this!"

Your eyes go wide as you immediately back down. What in the fuck kind of world is this?! Polomare incorporated?! What the fuck happened?! What happened to Rarity?! "W-woah woah, I don't want any trouble!"

Coco multitasked in spinning the crank with one hoof as she aimed with the other "And there won't be any trouble i-i-if you just back off!"

You back off, NOPE. Whatever hell this was, you weren't gonna be gunned down like some common thug. As you back off, you put your hoof to your horn, but the moment you do, she raises her leg again. "Don't touch anything! just...BACK OFF! GET DOWN ON THE GROUND"

Christ! she was crazier than the fucking bat. "Ok! Ok! I'm down I'm down! Just don't shoot!" You duck to the ground, and now hoped she didn't shoot.

"N-now stay there until I get my engine up and...oh" The engine began to sputter and run again. "Ok! Now just st-stay down until I'm g-gone!"

Coco rushed back to her door, but she couldn't get it open for some reason. "C-Come on! C-come on!"

Then she suddenly hears a voice. "Hey, up here" Coco looks up, then goes solid white as she stares at a near melting, soulless, eyeless version of herself, it just leans in and says. "Boo"

Coco let's out a shrill shriek before falling unconscious from pure fear. The abomination then looks to you with impatience "Anon! Stop being utterly useless and get over here! We're stealing her car!"

.......

You look up from the ground to see the abomination as it changes from a freak to a normal Coco.

"Y-yeah......ok." Cripes...she had a gun.

You were white as a ghost yourself. Holy shit, what was up with her?

You climb in from the passenger side, taking notice of Chrysalis trying to get a handle of what to do. There wasn't any pedals, instead, there was levers. Levers for moving? Huh, seemed a little cluttered.

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