• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 94

Fluttershy at this point had passed out the food to everyone. Treehugger had her simple hay sandwiches. Fluttershy and Discord had their cucumber sandwiches, though while Fluttershy also had a few things as a side, like an Apple. Discord had more of a spread of food from his own picnic basket, which was fine because things like a poison joke sub didn't sound appetizing.

You got cucumber sandwiches, a juice box, and woo, potato chips! Haven't had those in a while. You are the first to speak since the little drama show. You look over to Treehugger and ask her a question about her usual state of mind. "Hey Treehugger, can I ask you a question"

Treehugger takes small gentle nibbles from her sandwich, "Sure, what's up?"

"Well, I noticed that you always got this, Ummm, how can I explain it. This… this. this dream like look in your eyes all the time. You seem like you’re always chill over pretty much everything. Is there a reason? Is there something… I dunno, that you eat or-" You stop yourself, don't say smoke. "or, er, take or something?"

"You mean like a potion?" Treehugger asks, she thinks that's what you meant. You nod, because that was plausible too given you were in Equestria.

"Nah, it's not a potion. It's actually like, when you see the world, you see it differently from everypony else and you can see the beauty in everything no matter what, and like, you know some things have bad vibes but you know they are just vibes and any bad vibes can also be turned into good vibes, and everything just emits this… aura, ya know? And when you're like, in tune with it. It always gives you this bodacious good feeling. And I always try to be where those good auras are at because bad auras always bum me out. And I also eat naturally, mostly, so I eat a lot of herbs and like, mash em up myself, I've got like, so many recipes, but you know, a lot of these herbs don't grow around here. But some crazy ones do grow in that Everfree forest over there, I've personally never been yet but I bet I could make some killer stuff if I went looking around,"

Well, that was long winded. Answered your question though, almost. Maybe it was just the herbs.

"Oh, you don't want to go too deep into the forest Treehugger, it's dangerous! there's all sorts of dangerous things in there that don't really like ponies very much. I know some of them are actually ok deep inside, but some are actually downright nasty." Fluttershy warned Treehugger, she's seen first hand how dangerous the forest could be.

Discord sips some tea, saying nothing, not even a retort on how Treehugger should go inside anyway.

"It's cool, I know the place is bad news, don't get a lot of good vibes from it anyway."

Treehugger then asked you a question, with friendly curiosity. "Yo, so hey Anon, I noticed you don't have your cutie mark yet, you got any idea on what your special talent might be?"

You shake your head. "No, I'm still trying to figure it out with a couple of friends of mine… actually, I notice your heart tree cutie mark. What does it mean to you Treehugger?"

Treehugger shrugged "I actually don't know, but I really love nature and stuff. Oh right..." Treehugger giggled to herself "It's because I'm really good at loving nature and stuff."

You don't laugh, but you found it cute and amusing that she forgot what her cutie mark meant for a moment. "Oh, well you seem really in tune with nature with all this vibes and aura and chi stuff."

"Yeah dude, really. Everything in Equestria has so many more things about them than what you can just see with your eyes, and like. I can feel them, it's all around us. So like, I go around and try to help nature, whether it's like, animals or plants or things like that, It's the righteous thing to do," Spoken like a true hippy Still, she's probably tons more effective than a human hippy.

"That's actually really cool of you Treehugger, I think there should be more ponies like you, really" What you meant was back on earth. You weren't some environmental nut job. But even you could see the planet was getting it's ass kicked… or maybe you just watched too much Captain Planet.

Treehugger's beamed a happier, less drug induced looking smile at you. "Thanks little dude, I don't really hear that from ponies your age. They usually find me boring or something" Treehugger shrugged "I can never figure out why" You could. But you better not say.

"Oh! Discord, Treehugger. I thought of something fun I could ask the both of you!" Fluttershy lit up, Getting pretty excited.

They both looked to her with curiousness, hell, you did too.

"Well, me and Anon had a conversation yesterday about alicorn royalty. And I thought talking about it was really fun AND interesting. I was wondering. What would you both do if you became alicorn royalty? OR… erm… in your case Discord. If you erm… became the ruler of Equestria again… this time, without all the badness.."

"Well, that's an easy question for me to answer, I would rule with chaos spread all over the world!" Discord began to laugh maniacally as lightning struck from seemingly nowhere.

"Discord! I said without the badness! How could you still want that?" Fluttershy was already getting upset, her fun being turned to ruin.

Discord instantly calmed down, and looked to Fluttershy with a gentle yet sly smile "You misunderstand me Fluttershy. Chaos isn't inherently bad, Picture this! A world where there'd be no litterbugs, for if anypony litters, they get attacked by literal litterbugs. Nopony would go starving as it rains chocolate milk and hay every now and again. Villains would be rightfully punished whether through perpetual tickle torture or being forced to watch grass grow from a seedling to 100 miles high, no pony would never be homeless, because if they are, then they could simply plant a seed to grow a new home. And the sky would always change to the color befitting of their king's, that would be me, mood. And every day would be party day! And that you can't tell me is bad because I'm sure a certain pink friend of yours would be absolutely ecstatic to hear that."

Fluttershy thought about it, none of that seemed bad, sorta… maybe? "Well, erm. That's actually not as bad as I thought. But erm, the erm… the litterbugs wouldn't actually hurt anypony, would they?"

Discord almost nodded, but seeing Fluttershy's worried look, he changed his tone. "Nooo, noooo, perish the thought. They'd just scare them so they never litter again"

"Oh, well that's ok I guess. Hrm, well Discord. It sounds like things would always be fun and interesting with you as our ruler. And I'm so happy to hear those things about you helping less fortunate ponies. I didn't even think chaos could be so beneficial." Fluttershy was impressed.

And you know he was probably talking out his ass. Maybe. You know if he ever did get the throne that he would never do anything to harm Fluttershy. But even then, that kind of power could go to one's head pretty quickly.

You were interested in Treehugger's answer. Though you could probably guess that it was probably some "save the world" kind of generic. It could still be interesting. Fluttershy's, while being "save the world" stuff, was still cute to hear. "So what would you do Treehugger? Is it something like, protecting nature?"

Treehugger looks to you when you spoke to her, and then simply said "Yup"

"And er… what else?"

"Ponies, animals, ummm… I think that's it, this alicorn stuff sounds really hard, I'd probably just hire like, some other like minded ponies so they could do other stuff while I focus on protecting stuff."

What a very… boring answer. "oh..."

You waited for her to maybe say something else, but nothing else came. That was really simple.

Fluttershy gets the hint that you weren't too impressed. "Anon, not every answer has to be interesting. The important thing is the intent and what you would do as an Alicorn princess or prince. And I think Treehugger's answer is alright. Protecting everything is a very good answer"

Yeah it was. Just… really boring.

"Oh hey, Nightmare Night is coming up really soon. You guys going to go around that night? Going to be totally awesome, like, really good fun" Treehugger seemed pretty excited for it, hell. You didn't even know it was coming up. Ha, heh. Your first Nightmare Night.

Fluttershy shook her head "N-no, Nightmare Night isn't really my thing, it's erm… a little too scary"

Discord shook his head as well "Nightmare Night does sound wonderful, but any scares I could conjure up would be attributed to Princess Luna. I don't really understand why the day can't just be about candy and scaring others without it being connected to a legend that probably isn't even true."

Fluttershy cocked an eyebrow at him "Discord, Nightmare Moon really happened. And then me and everypony else managed to turn her back into Princess Luna"

Discord scoffed "Well, I don't remember it."

"Er, you were still in stone when it happened. even then, I've told you about it before" Then Fluttershy thinks she figured it out "Discord, are you not going to Nightmare Night because I'm not going?"

"Mmmm well..." Discord was shifting his eyes, looks like he didn't want to answer that

"Oh Discord, don't let the fact that I'm not going ruin your fun. Besides, I bet you could go and have fun with Anon!" Fluttershy looked over to you "Anon, you've celebrated Nightmare Night before, right? You could show your father how it's done"

"Actually, this would be my first ever Nightmare Night too."

Fluttershy's happy smile suddenly turned to that of a devastated frown "W-what?"

Yeah, what the fuck? What got her so freaked out all of a sudden?

"Yeah, it's my first one ever. But don't worry, I bet me and dad could turn it… into… Aunt Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy started to cry as she flew over to you and cuddled you tightly. "Oh Anon...t-that's terrible!"

What?! Why was it terrible? What was she doing? "u-uhhh.."

Fluttershy held onto tightly, gently cuddling you, you could feel her tears get onto your coat. "D-does that mean you've never had a Hearthwarming or been to the Summer Sun Celebration? O-or anything?"

Treehugger looked on as well, she was finding this to be a real bummer.

"Uh-uhmm" Shit...

Fluttershy started to cry even more "What kind of orphanage doesn't even let the children out to special events?! Did they just keep you inside all day?!"


"That's it! No, that's wrong!" Fluttershy slowly let you go and stomped her hoof "Oooohhh! That's a terrible way to treat children! I swear, I'm going to write them such an angry letter! no! A lot of angry letters! I might even get a ticket and go over there myself! How dare they!"

Not only did that make you panic, but you could see Discord was really uncomfortable with that as well.

"Now now Fluttershy" Discord flew over to her as quickly as he could "Let's not get too hasty. I-I mean, I don't think a letter or a personal visit is going to do anything"

"You're right Discord" Fluttershy agreed. Both you and Discord wipe your own foreheads, that was close. "I'll ask Twilight if she could go, She'd definitely be able to set them straight" OH GOOD GRAVY. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"I dunno Aunt Fluttershy, I mean it wasn't that bad. It's just, from my understanding, the orphanage was always low on money. A-and, they didn't want to make us go out to collect money because the streets were dangerous. So, umm, they tried to do it themselves and I guess it's sort of hard because… they… aren't… as cute as I am? Yeah, that's probably it."

Fluttershy began to calm down hearing that, but it didn't help her mood "That's still horrible. Oh, if that's the case. Then maybe we need to do something to help raise money for them. That seems like the right thing to do."

Discord could work with that, you even knew he could. Money and faking things was something he had no problems with. Discord nodded "I agree Fluttershy, but we don't have to do anything. I could simply send them enough money that all those colts and fillies would be able to enjoy holidays like we do"

That did it, Fluttershy looked up to Discord with hope and happiness in her eyes "Really Discord? You'd really do that?"

Discord bowed to her "I would"

Fluttershy went and gave Discord a big big hug. "Oh that's very nice of you Discord! You'll be making so many colts and fillies happy!"

"Indeed, I've also decided that I will be going out on Nightmare Night. Me and Anon might very well have a blast. But Fluttershy, won't you join us?"

Fluttershy shook her head "I'm sorry Discord, but Nightmare Night really… really isn't my thing. And I don't want you both to think you need me just to have fun. I want you both to have a good time. I'm sure it'll be ok without me."

Discord internally groaned and looked to you, waving his arms from you to Fluttershy. Wanting you to say something to convince her. You could tell just by the look on his face.

But you had no reason to convince her. You saw the Nightmare Night episode years back. Fluttershy was in her cottage and just looking at Luna scared the living shit out of her DESPITE knowing that she had done her part in changing her back. You could only imagine what other terrors would await her. "I think we will be ok Aunt Fluttershy. I don't want you to go if you're going to feel uncomfortable. Me and Dad will make it work."

Fluttershy moved over to give you a kiss on the forehead "That's very sweet of you Anon. I really hope you get to enjoy Nightmare Night. If your costume isn't scary, I wouldn't mind seeing you in it"

Awww, you wouldn't mind hearing a compliment from Fluttershy. But not scary huh? Hmmnnn… maybe a pone version of Dante would work. He was pretty stylish. "Well, I haven't decided on a costume yet. But um, when I got an idea. I'll definitely show you."

"Oh, in that case. Don't forget that you could ask Rarity for help if you're trying to make a costume. She's really good at making things just have that extra spark… I think that's what she calls it"

Well, you wouldn't need Rarity's help on that. You had a horn... The horn… That's right. Maybe you could banish Chrysa… oh, probably not. Like the rest of Discord's random restrictions. He probably already nullified any way of sending Chrysalis to Tartarus. Maybe. "Thanks Aunt Fluttershy, I'll remember that"

Discord just slapped his paw on his face and rubbed it down, frustrated. He expected you to convince her to come. He was just going to have to understand that she just really didn't want to go.

The rest of the picnic pretty much went like any normal picnic would go. You all ate your food, and with the chaos that had already been caused during the picnic. Both you and Discord managed to behave yourselves. Keeping to pleasant conversation. The topics were lighthearted. Such as how one's past days have gone. Of course you and Discord couldn't disclose anything relating to "The Truth" and the changelings, but you both conducted yourselves just fine.

Discord did little tricks to amuse Fluttershy from time to time. Such as making a tree taller for more shade, or making the grass greener for a rather heartwarming "The grass is always greener on the other side" joke. You didn't realize that was a phrase in Equestria too. Then again, they also had bowling. So eh.

Treehugger spoke more about her work, or seemingly lack thereof. Fluttershy liked it at least. It was similar to hers when it came to helping animals and such. Things went dandy and fine. You almost forgot the horrors that was waiting for you back home… almost.

The picnic itself lasted a good while, not long enough for you to not have any daylight left though. There was still plenty of time to do things. And everyone seemed to be in much better moods.

"Wow, I can feel like, everypony is in sync with eachother right now. It's giving me this nice fuzzy feeling"

Discord chuckled "Yes, I think I must agree with you Treehugger. I do feel much more uplifted. How about you Anon? I'm sure you must be as happy as a clam"

You nod. "Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good. Plus," You roll on your back cutely and rub your tummy. "I'm feeling pretty full"

"I'm so glad we were able to all get along in the end! See Discord? Treehugger is a nice pony once you get to know her. I'm so glad everypony was happy with the picnic! It means we should probably do it more often!" Fluttershy was absolutely ecstatic

"Yes, I suppose she isn't so bad now that I've had the time to know her a little better." Discord hesitatingly admitted.

"Yeah, this whole picnic thing was really enlightening to me. Makes me wanna go back and see my folks, actually. Yeah, I think I'm gonna go do that right now. Haven't seen them in like a month" Treehugger said, as she got up and dusted herself off "You guys need help cleaning this all up?"

Discord chuckled "Oh, no need for that."Discord put his talons and paw on the picnic blanket and pulled back in such a way that nothing moved. Then all the leftovers and baskets and such flew towards him as he caught them within the blanket. Making it into a bag. He then pulled the bag inside out. Making everything, including the bag itself. Disappear "Ta da!"

"Woah.......radical" Treehugger was blown away

"Way to go Dad" You clap for him.

Fluttershy giggled, finding it cutely funny, and clapped as well. "That's amazing Discord, and not a single bit of litter on the ground! You're amazing!"

Discord chuckled arrogantly as he bowed to the adoration "Of course I am… but… hmmnnn" Discord suddenly became serious "I must go back home to deal with a little problem. It's nothing to do with Anon, so don't worry." He then looks to you "Anon, will you be coming with me? Or will you be enjoying your day out here."

Yeah… nope, you didn't want to deal with it. You were sure he could handle it. "Um, I kind of want to stick around. I want to go see Rainbow Dash for something"

Well that got Fluttershy curious, she was sure you hadn't interacted with Rainbow Dash too much to just want to visit her.

"Hmm, then you will be needing this of course." Discord snapped his talons. Making your saddlebag appear at your side. "Before you go off, I'd like you to make sure everything you need is in it. In fact, you should show your aunt the reason you're going before you actually go. In anycase, ta ta everypony. And a very nice goodbye to you Fluttershy, I had a wonderful time"

"Awww" Fluttershy flew up and gave Discord another hug "I had a wonderful time too. I hope whatever you're dealing with isn't too big a problem"

"Oh not to worry my dear, it's simply a little infestation that needs to be put in it's place."

"Oh, well, try not to be too mean to them Discord. I don't know how things are in your dimension. But if they are as nice as the Smooze, then please don't do anything too rough."

"I won't. Goodbye everypony, seeya later Anon" Discord winked to you as he disappeared.

Treehugger, who was initially going to leave. Did get curious as to what you should show to Fluttershy and hung around. Fluttershy then looked to you, wondering about it all. "So Anon, I just remembered. Are you going to Rainbow Dash's for that flight she promised you?"

"Woooah, Anon can fly?" Treehugger was again, blown away.

Fluttershy giggled "Hehe, oh no no. What I meant that Rainbow Dash was going to hold onto Anon as she flew around a bit. Well… actually… I'd hope that she would strap you to her in some way. Just to be safe."

"Actually Aunt Fluttershy. Treehugger wasn't too far off… here, let me show you something." You pull out your cardboard wings. On it, you notice was a small note.

"You get an extra horn charge today Anon, just for today. One to show Fluttershy and make her smile. And the regular new and improved charge for your little flight training. Well met on getting my back by the way, expertly done. I'm very proud of you. But that doesn't mean I'm happy with you. Enjoy your day Anon."

The note immediately disappears upon you reading it. You gulp, you hoped he actually meant that last bit.

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