• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,464 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 81

As you head down, you play the battle out in your head… christ. It was so much different than fighting Discord or the doofus duo. Shining was pretty competent… for a cartoon horse. If the portal didn't open. You'd be in the slammer. And eventually you and Discord would have been found out… luckily… they thought you were a changeling… wonder how that's gonna work out.

"Discord?...you around?" You go to the living room and peek about, calling his name again. Nowhere to be seen. Huh… you'd thought he'd be around to hear the news… but… nope. You even sit your butt on the ground for a few minutes… nothing...

You head back to your room. All you managed to bring back with you was the horn and the map… you even lost the photo of you, Discord, and Chrysalis… but you could probably get another if you asked.

You take a look about your room. And take notice of the grappling hook you left.

...Grappling hook.....hmmm…

Well, if Discord wasn't going to show up. That did… give you some free time. And you did just do some espionage. Might be time for some training.

You go and pick it up, it had two bands under it to attach to your leg. it had a lever with three settings, and a button… hrnn, the settings were "Release,Neutral, Retract". The hook itself didn't look anything futuristic or fancy. Most of it was wood except for the hook and rope attached to it.

You attach the hook. and aim it… maybe the button fires it? You press it, aiming at your wall...
Nothing.. You look at the settings..it's set on retract. That could be it.

You switch it to… release… The hook just falls straight down and hits your other leg. "Gyahh OUCH!...geez..ok...fuck.." You shake your leg from it's pain and get a little frustrated. "Ok..so release just makes it drop… let's… retract"

You switch it back to retract. And hit the button. the hook goes back inside. "Ok..easy..so… if I set it to neutral.." You hit the button. And it launches the Hook straight into the wall. cracking it. "fuuuuuuu.....ok it's fine..it's fine… it all can be fixed..fuck I can probably fix it myself tomorrow… don't need to be owing dear ole dad any favors."

You retract the hook. "Ok… let's see what it looks like out there.." You walk towards the portal door, and take a quick glance at your dresser. You notice something. Beside the framed family photo, was a framed pic of the Chrysalis moment… huh.

You figured it must be just for a collection of special moments or something that were to remain on your dresser. Because unless Discord was around. He couldn't have just put it there at this moment… but just in case.. "..Discord?....you around?..." Nothing… "..ok then"

You set the portal door to the town hall setting. Number 1. And open the door. "Hmmm… it's kind of getting late." The sky was a orange red. The sun was setting. "Perfect… Maybe I can visit Lyra and Bon Bon. Check out them hats… but first… I really want to try this… ugh.." You slap your face. "Talking to myself again"

You step through, and start walking about aimlessly. You started to think a little again. Hmmm… You wondered if Twilight was going to be involved into what happened at the Crystal Empire. That could either be really interesting, or really bad. Hopefully either one not being bad for you.

You slink yourself away to an alley between some houses… and then look straight up. Ok… Let's...

Your train of thought is interrupted… you heard a noise. You look left and right… Nothing.. "Discord? Come on man… if you're following me. Just pop up already. I got the info you want..."

...nothing… ...curious...

"Discord?" Still nothing

Maybe it was just a cat or something. Who knows. You go back into focus, and look upwards. Let's do this… You aim your arm upwards. "...Here we go...."

You look around… still nothing… ok then. You set it to neutral. And press the button. The hook launches upwards to the ceiling of the house. "Ha!..that's pretty cool… ok then… going up!"

You set it to retract, and press the button. But you don't go up. The hook comes down quickly, before you can even react it hits your face, bounces up, and fully retracts back to the hook. "GYYYAHHHH! OGH" You cover your face and yelp in pain. "D-dammit… ok… ok… next time… gnnn..make sure it's hooked to something... ogh.."

Attempt two. After recovering, you aim upwards again, and fire your hook. It again hits the roof of the house. You grab the rope and pull a couple of times. After a few tugs, nothing happens, the hook stays where it's at.

"Perfect..ok..let's give it a go," Actually… as you think about it. You probably could have fired this at Shining's face and knocked him out or something..maybe..or maybe you were overestimating how tough your own head was compared to others.

Let's retract. You switch the switch and hit the button. "Here we GOAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

You launch upwards into the air, and slam a few times onto the wall. You then flip and land on your back as you slam onto the roof of the house. "G… g… gh......t-this… this is a lot more dangerous than… than I thought..."

You carefully get up and look around… huh… the view was pretty nice. You could see the roofs of the other houses. The hills, the farm, and schoolhouse… and Twilight's ugly ass castle.

You decide to sit down and enjoy the view a little. This was nice… you still hurt a little though. "Hmmm, I could get used to this.."

The breeze, the sight, the sky, the solitude… Yeah, this was cool. You linger a little while longer.

Ok… time to go back down. You carefully move to the roof and look down. Oh boy… falling could be a doozy. Let's see… you could hook the hook onto some part of the roof. Hit release, and slowly manage your way down.

Sure you had hooves, but all you had to do was hang on tight. Then suddenly… it hit you.. "HOLY SHIT THE PICTURE! I LEFT IT AT THE FUCKING CASTLE!"

In your panic, you lose your footing, and fall off the roof. Welp… Nothing to worry about now. Because nigga, you were gonna die. Not like you could take it bravely, you scream like a little bitch as you fall. You close your eyes, knowing of your inevitable doom.

And then you land... And you hit something… Were you dead? Dying didn't seem so bad… It felt… soft..and warm.

"You ok Nonny? What were you doing way up there?"

Pinkie?...were you in heaven?...

You slowly open your eyes… No. You were back in the alley. You look down, you were above the floor, on something pink and soft. You look to your side. Pinkie was looking back at you with a smile "Good thing I was following you. or you would have ended up like an egg!"

"P-Pinkie?...W-what are you doing here?" Holy christ thank god… She saved your life. You were still shaken though.

"I was following you silly." Then suddenly she looked at you angrily "Do you know how long I've been trying to talk to you?"

What..? You slowly get off of her. and back up a bit. "What do you mean? Wait… how long have you been following me?"

"Oh, for a while now. I've been following you from time to time since you left the hospital. I even followed you when you went to school too. I was the bell ringer!"

Well… that explains that… But… holy crap… that's… all kinds of creepy. And this was your waifu you were talking about. You flashback to a few greentexts where the main character would always had the admiration of the mane 6… and… geez… did you have Pinkie's?...Because… oh shit! How much did she know?! "Uhmm… why exactly… have you been following me?"

Pinkie beamed at you "Oh that's an easy one Nonny. You see, I'm sort of the party planner round' these parts. Any new pony, and event, anytime somepony needs a smile. I'm there! And you… well… I haven't thrown you one party yet. Do you realize how hard to track you are? I haven't been able to throw you a..." Suddenly, she took a huge breath ""Yay you got adopted" slash "Welcome to Ponyville" slash "You're a hero" slash "Get well soon" slash "Yay! you got well sooner than expected" slash "first day at school" party! I had to combine them all because that's A LOT of parties to throw at once. And I do have other ponies parties to plan. But don't worry Nonny, that just means your party is going to be big big big!"

........what.... "Pinkie… are you telling me you've been following me just for an opportunity to throw me a party?"

Pinkie just then… frowned at you. "...u-uhhh....something the matter?" She seemed upset about something. "You forgot the nickname you gave to me already? I really liked it… I know we haven't seen each other since the hospital and all. But… I thought it was nice"

Ohhhhh… lordie. You almost forgot Pinkie was heavily friend oriented. If there was any pony that was going to auto care about you immediately. It would be her. She was the embodiment of actual friendship… scaringly so, if a certain donkey had anything to say about it.

"I remember. I… was just caught by surprise… by you just showing up… Ponk"

And instantly she smiled. "You remembered! And of course I'm good at surprises! I'm actually a master… almost like an ancient master… but not old like one… that's how much of a master I am"

You chuckle a little. That was cutely endearing… But it only distracted you for a moment until you remembered the picture. Pinkie even noticed your sudden anxiety, and gave you a friendly boop on the nose "What's the matter Nonny? You ok?."

It doesn't calm you down any. Though the tap was appreciated. "It's nothing, just… something I forgot." Something you forgot. You were already thinking of ways to get it before it was seen… you never saw it fall out of the bag. And the bag was invisible… but no doubt as they picked everything up that they would have felt and found it by now.

"Well, since I'm here. Why don't I help you remember? Do you remember anything about what you forgot?" Pinkie asked, trying to be of help to you.

"I… Ponk look. I remember what I forgot. It's just I forgot it in… actually. Ponk, this is actually a sort of… private thing."

"Private?...private how?" Pinkie asked, with curiosity.

...come on Pinkie. You didn't want her to meddle in your business like this. You didn't want to get upset at her for being nosy, She was much too cute and friendly.

"Just private. Ponk, It's just something I got to sort out on my own. You can understand that. Right?"

"Well, yeah but." Then Pinkie gave you a big ole smile "But wouldn't it be more fun if we sorted it out together? And I'll bet it won't be as bad as you think when we… uhm… do what… you forgot that you done, I think" and then she giggled.

You kept yourself from grumbling. Maybe if you just changed the subject. Shit… though, you really needed to see Discord. "Umm, I'm sorry Ponk, it really is a sort of thing I got to do on my own… but hey. Umm, let's talk about that party you wanna throw for me. What exactly is that about?"

Instantly Pinkie lights up. She did really seem to want to talk about this. "Weeeeeellllllllllll, if you want to know. Since it's supposed to be a big combo party. I was thinking maybe it should be a surprise party. But then I thought, since you really are new to Ponyville and don't have many friends that it'd be more of a "mingle" kind of party where I would get everypony and their kids to show up so they could talk to the hero! But then I realized, since you are going to school, then you probably already mingled, so I thought of it being a surprise party again. But now I've pretty much told you what I thought I wanted to have planned so now it can't be a surprise party, so now I don't actually have a plan. Buuuuuuuut, that's not a bad thing because I'm talking with you now. So that means I could just ask you the kind of party you want and I can make it happen! But then if we're going to do it like that then we're going to need a guest list of all the friends you have made. And maybe some ponies you want to make friends with too! Then I have to ask for the theme of the party, presents you might want, supplies. Then we have to choose a location! I have a few spots you might really like, I can even rent a gazebo in the park if you want. And I also need to know the kind of music you like. Can't have a party without music. And if your birthday is soon then we can throw it on that day because then we can have lots of cakes and games and all of that good stuff! Did you get all that?"

Holy shit… that's a mouthful. And yet… not any less endearing. Pinkie knew you the least out of any of the other ponies. and..well..besides Fluttershy of course. She was making an effort to throw you the perfect party despite basically being strangers. "Uhhhhh… I think. Actually, that all sounds really good Ponk… but..you know what I really need right now?"

Pinkie rubbed her muzzle, trying to make a serious guess. "A party hat?"

You shake your head. You only needed one thing right now. "No. I REEAAALLLLYYY need to find my Dad actually. He's not at home. And, the thing I forgot. He's the only one who can help me with it." Damned be the consequence of a favor

Pinkie stood still for a moment to contemplate. "Ok… but then… can we talk about throwing you that party afterwards? I still owe you one Nonny! Nopony comes to Ponyville without at least one party" Then Pinkies narrowed her eyes at you, frighteningly so. "Nopony"

....That's… a little scary. It even makes you gulp. "Sure Ponk… whatever you say"

"Oki Doki Loki! Now… your Dad is Discord right?"

You nod. "Yep. But didn't you alrea-"

Pinkie put her hoof to your mouth. "Shhhh..." She slowly removed her hoof and pondered "...I'd say… if you're dad was anywhere… that'd he would be… At… the Crystal Empire."


Your pupils shrink....why was he there? Wait... "Ponk… how do you know he's there? Do..you have some sort of super sense?" You knew about her Pinkie sense… but holy shit… that's overkill.

"What? Oh, nope! I just overheard Discord telling Fluttershy that he was going there for some "important business". I was hiding inside the cottage waiting for you… but you never showed up there either. I mean, you didn't even show up right after school on your first day. Did you even go to see Fluttershy at all that day?"

Holy shit… She was clearly stalking you… for party purposes of course… but still. "So, wait, did Aunt Fluttershy know the whole time?"

Pinkie shook her head "Nope, that's why it's called a "surprise" party… duh, I mean. Wouldn't it just be awesome if everypony was caught by surprise? But that didn’t work out either..."

"Ponk… why don't you just throw me a regular party? I mean. It could just be me,you, a few friends… Dad… I mean, you know. Keep it small but still have some fun out of it. Wouldn't that be ok?"

Pinkie nodded "Mhmmm, that's ok. As long as it makes you happy Nonny"

You wouldn't mind a small party all things considering. But, nothing would break the tension you felt unless you could get that picture without hopefully anyone noticing. "It would Ponk. But… can we plan it out later. I gotta go and really talk to my dad. Super important"

Pinkie nodded "Ok! But one more thing Nonny! Do you want a theme for your party? I can do themes!"

"Surprise me Ponk"

Pinkie beamed a huge smile "Can do! Ohhhhhhh gosh! You're gonna be really surprised Nonny! You can bet on that!"

Oh you bet. You say your goodbyes to Pinkie, who didn't let you go without a hug. She was so sweet… and scary sometimes… and a little of an inconvenience. But in the end she knew where Discord was. If he was at the Crystal Empire. Then either he got impatient and tried to find out the secret himself. Or he's just hanging about for other reasons. All you had to do was go back home, and then take the portal door.

Easy as pie.

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