• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,514 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 20

Discord picked up the papers and turned them side by side, he seemed perplexed "The WHOLE day? To fill out some very arguably unneeded paperwork? Surely you jest."

Cheerilee slid a pen across her desk to him as she explained the process "Every parent needs to fill these papers out. It's so I know exactly what the needs are for their child in case of an emergency or a situation comes up. In other words, It's to make sure your child is taken care of in case anything goes wrong"

Cheerilee slowly peered over to you, she was looking for any kind of deceit from you. But the way you were acting. You seemed like a very loving and caring child in trying to have cheered up Fluttershy.

"And you expect me to sign all of this within the day?!" Discord was having none of this it seemed.

Cheerilee nodded "It should only take you a couple of hours really...Is that a problem?"

Fluttershy took to Discord's side and took a look at the papers in his hands "Discord, I know this must be difficult considering you haven't had Anon for too long. If you want, I can help you. We can figure it out together"

Discord put his paw forward in front of Fluttershy in a gesture that suggests refusal "Come now Fluttershy, it's merely paper with words on them. I can have this filled out in..ngh...GHMMM...GRRMMM"

Suddenly, Discord started to hack up and cough.

Everyone, including you, took notice

Fluttershy had an intense worry on her face "D-Discord?! Discord are you alright?"

Cheerilee just raised her eyebrow, she was skeptic, although inside she was a little worried "Mr.Discord?"

You took a quick look at his face to see if he was faking. No, he was indeed turning a reddish color.
You prepared yourself incase it was one of his usual tricks, but remained ready to help him if it wasn't.
"Hey..Dad..are you alright?"

Without any warning or words. Discord hocked up bright red liquid all over the papers, Cheerilee's desk, and Cheerilee herself.

Both mares shrieked at the sight of it, Cheerilee especially. They had never seen something so grotesque. Both mares fainted nearly on the spot. Even you were taken back. But not enough to faint.
"HOLY CRAP?! D-DISCORD?! ARE YOU OK?!" WHAT?! WERE THE PAPERS TOO ORDERLY OR SOMETHING?! SPEAK TO ME MAN!"

Discord wiped his lips and cleared his throat "What was that? I couldn't hear you over my vomit."

He...was fine. But still. You had to make sure.
"What? Do you not care that you just hacked blood everywhere?! I can't believe I'm saying this, but now i'm worried for your safety. I've never seen blood on the freaking show before!"


"Safety? Blood?" Discord looked around "What in the wide wide world of Equestria are you talking about, Anon?"

"You just..." You stop yourself as you notice the blood begin to quickly dissipate. Discord puts down the papers as the blood disappears from them....at least most of it. What's left behind is various signatures and writings left in red. "...hold on a second.."

You move closer and take a sniff at the papers....that wasn't blood...
"Ink?...You hacked up ink?!"

"Why yes, of course. Anon...Did you really think I was going to spend more than five seconds signing some useless paperwork when I can get it done in two seconds?!"

Part of you wanted to laugh, the other part was more worried about Fluttershy.
"Did it have to be red ink? You couldn't have picked another color?"

Discord shook his head "Other colors don't show up or are as vibrant as red, Anon. I wanted to make absolutely sure she could read everything I wrote."

"Discord..that could have been done in black ink...and besides. Look at Fluttershy. She's fainted and...hey.." As you turn to Fluttershy, her fallen form was resting comfortably on pillows.

Discord gave a pat to your head and snickered "I think she'll be alright Anon"

You turn over to Cheerilee, whose face has slammed onto the desk. She was drooling. Poor poor Cheerilee, Discord didn’t bother at all to make her fall as comfy as Fluttershy’s.

Without a word, Discord throws up the pen to snap his fingers. Producing a magical map in front of you. and a saddle bag around you. "Take this Anon, it's a map of Ponyville that shows you exactly where you are at any given time."

"oh...hey..that's pretty nifty actually.ok so if i'm....ugh"
You reach for the floating map, but the moment you touch it. it falls flat on the ground.
"...ugh...fine..give me a second"
You keep trying to pick up the map with your hooves, but you can't get any kind of grip. Instead of getting angry, you take a breath, calm down, and look at Discord.
"Hey Discord, can ya help a son out here? Couldn't you give me a horn or something?"

Discord didn't answer you, instead he just gave you instruction "Anon, look at the bottom of your hooves."

"What? what does that have to do with anything?"

"Just do it"

you raise your hoof, and turn it to look at the bottom. "Ok..now what?"

"See your frogs? those have little itty bitty muscles that allow you to grab objects. sometimes you need both your hooves, like for cups or chainsaws. But you should be able to pick up that map if you just focus on your hoof as if it was...hrmm...how about thinking of it as a puny little hand?"

hrm..that could work. You decide to try it. You place your hoof on the map, and try to grip as hard as you can. And the moment you lift your hoof, the map comes along with it. You are ecstatic
"haha! HAHA! CHECK ME OUT!"
You wave the map about
"I'M DOING IT! HAHAHA! TAKE THAT PHYSICS! I'M THE BEST!"

Discord chuckled "Bravo Anon, you sure showed those foals down at the daycare center whose boss. Perhaps next you can astound us with the amazing ability of blinking"

You chuckle at that, even if it is a little humiliating "Hey come on, I've never been a pony before until a couple of days ago. I'm still learning. I think I could even pick up the books back home now."

"You should be able to, yes. In anycase Anon, time is a commodity we always use so you might want to spend it wisely and get going. And please do be careful, alright?"

"Al-"
It then clicks
"Are you actually worried about me?...or are you just worried I might screw things up?"

"Both. You are my son now after all. I think a father is supposed to worry about the well being of their young."

You nod almost subconsciously, he was right about that. You give him a smile.
"Well..thanks Dad. Oh, and one more thing.."

You start putting the map in the saddle bag as Discord wraps Fluttershy in a blanket. "hrn?"

"That ink spit up thing, If you ever pull that off again. Pop your eyes too, trust me. I've seen a lot of movies. Girls always freak out at that stuff"

Discord starts to ponder, then smiles "That's actually a great idea Anon. Brilliant really. I just wonder...would it work on Rainbow Dash and Applejack?"

you nod, there was no question about it.
"It probably would, those two aren't as brave as they let on. Something like that would definitely do the trick"

Discord smile contorts to an evil grin "yes..yes...I'll keep that in mind, brilliant thought Anon."

You bow
"As expected from being the son of the spirit of chaos...welp...gotta go see Applebloom now. Don't do anything crazy! seeya!"

Discord says nothing, he just waves at you while he teleports away with a comfy unconscious Fluttershy.


You were alone now. You walked out of the schoolhouse and looked around. Then took a deep breath to enjoy the fresh air.
"Man...it actually feels nice to breath here. Cleanest air I've ever whiffed up anyway..now let's seeee.."
You whip out the map, and take a look.
"Hrn...the apple farm is over here...the clubhouse is right next to it and if I take this path around Sugarc-....hrnnn..Sugarcube corner"
You stared at the map, at the location of confectionery house of treats and cakes. And began to think deeply about your actions.

"It's not as if it's not along the way or anything. Besides, I bet Pinkie would get upset that she didn't know about me....that is. Unless somebody has already told her. Still...it wouldn't take that long. Go in, say hi, walk out."
You started to feel a shivering excitement course through your very bones as you think about it.
"she'll probably give me some hugs, a treat...oh boy. Good stuff. Maybe if I'm really nice. She'll give me a kiss...."

Suddenly your expression droops to a terrible realization of self awareness
"Holy shit Anon, you're getting excited for a kiss....thats a far cry from getting some....god you're lonely...Whatever it's fine. It's going to be a million times better than anything else because it's coming from her. And if not. At least you'll have met her....ok...See Pinkie, See Applebloom, get back to the cottage. No problemo..got this."
And with that alteration to the plan, you head to Sugarcube Corner to accomplish a mission of your very own.

You still didn't seem to care that Cheerilee fell flat on her own desk

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