• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 84

"We're even now?" You get up slowly, giving a rub to your face. "We're even now!?" You shake your head and raise your front right hoof in the air. "OH WE'RE NOT EVEN DISCORD. GETTING TIRED OF THIS SHIT. I SWEAR TO YOU, ONE DAY. I'M GONNA PRANK YOU SO DAMN HARD THAT YOU'LL HAVE TO-... TO..."

You sigh "...yeah… yelling to myself. Gotta, really stop. Hrnnn." You move over to the cardboard wings you dropped and look at them. "Could be another trap." You give them a nudge. Nothing "hrnnnnn"

You go over to your bag, and nudge it open again. Nothing happens. You peer into it. All of your stuff is there. Even the cash. But the photo wasn't. Cadence and Shining probably took it. That's fine. You had that copy up in your room. You grab your saddle bag. And look back at the cardboard wings. "...hnnnnn.."

You decide, against your better judgement, to pick them up again with your teeth. And toss them backwards and catch them with your back.

BAMMO! In a flash of light. You now had wings matching your coat. "Oh shit! Hey..." You try flapping them and moving them around. It's a lot easier to move them than the "Twilight" wings you had. You look at the grappling hook attached to your leg. "Guess I won't be needing you for awhile. Sorry Bonbon"

You look up at the ceiling door to your room. And began to wonder. "I wonder if these things even work" You start flapping, you flap softly, but you don't even lift off the ground. "Guess I need to flap harder. Let's see" You try flapping much harder than before, thinking it will create initial lift. Instead it just lifts you all the way to the door. You slam your head on it, then fall to the ground. "Gyahh! OWWW nggggh!"

You hold your head as you turn side to side and whine "Goddammit, that's it. I need to buy a helmet. I fucking swear. Gyahhh..." After some more tossing and turning. You decide to just go up to your door normally. And enter your room.

You look at your grappling hook. And then decide to take it off and put it to hang. You can see the map and horn on the bed. The horn was still unusable. So you take your map and put it in your saddle bag.

You then go to your portal door, and set it to the first setting. Ponyville. And step through.
It was night. The stars were out. the skies were clear. The air was cool. And nobody was around… Perfect for flying. "Ok, so doing this indoors was a bad idea. But now that I am outside. I have all this empty sky to fly in. No problem."

You stand at the ready and begin to flit your wings. "Here we go, here we go, here we go!" You lift off like a rocket "HERE WE GO!" You go straight up into the air. "WAAAAAHOOOO! THIS IS FUCKING GREAT! YAHHH!"

You started to curve on your trajectory and fall backwards, before you knew it you were now flying straight down. "YEEAHHHHHOHSHIT! AGH! HOW DO I TURN!?" You start falling like a rocket that failed . "SHHIITT! W-WAIT! GOT IT! AIRBREAKS GO!" You slam your hooves straight down, thinking that's going to stop you.

It doesn't… this isn't a cartoon you know. “FUCKSKFASDFJDSOLFJDS"

You slam straight into the ground and roll like a kicked ball before falling to your side. hurting and dizzy. "H-h-o-ohh… d-damn. G-g-g" It takes you a little while, but you manage to stand. shaking. You brush yourself off and then steady yourself. Remarkably. Your wings were fine. Magic wings don't break apparently.

"Ok, so, it's not as easy as it looks. Let's try. Not that fast. If I could at least hover." You start flapping slowly, and then carefully increase speed until you slowly lift off the ground. Hovering a few feet off the ground. "H-hahaha! I-I think I got it this time!" You try flapping a little harder, rising higher with each increase in speed.

"Yeah! Ok! Now, let's just try turning my body and get some horizontal movement going." You carefully lean forward, and then dart forward. Which then causes you to fall while moving forward. And then roll on the ground like a ball until you hit a bunch of trash cans.


You were dizzy from that. Ugh, flying… flying was so much tougher than it looked. You might want to trade in Rainbow's flying promise into a training sort of thing. If she'd allow it anyway. This was ridiculous.

"Wow Nonny! That was really good! You managed to hit them all!" You heard a familiar giggling.

You look up, as your vision cleared. Pinkie was above you. With a big old smile. "P-ponk?"

She nodded, closing her eyes as her grin grew "Yep! You guessed right Nonny! You ok? You look a little dizzy"

A little dizzy? That's an understatement.

You shake your head, and begin to stand, you tumble a little. But Pinkie leans into your side to keep you straight "Watch it there Nonny! you don't wanna fall again. although, You're really good at it! You hit every last trashcan. If there was a record for it. You'd be number one!"

That was both amusing and insulting. But it was Pinkie just being Pinkie.

"I didn't mean to crash into those trashcans. I was actually practicing to fly. Wait, you aren't surprised that I have wings now?"

Pinkie shook her head "Nope, doesn't surprise me one bit. Doesn't surprise me that you just stepped into Ponyville from out of nowhere either. If I had to make a guess, I'd say… Discord, right?"

Perceptive. Or it was just that obvious.

You nod. "Yeah, it was him. I actually just got these. I thought flying would be easy. I guess not."

"Well, you could always ask Rainbow Dash for help! She's the greatest flier in Equestria! She owes you a flight-thingy doesn't she?"

Yeah, that's just what you were- hold on...

You narrow an eye at Pinkie, how the fuck. ".....how...how do you know about that?"

Pinkie giggled "That's easy Nonny! She told me about it. She's my friend after all. Friends tell each other things."



And with that Pinkie moves super close to you, bringing her face to yours and yelling "Nonny! Guess what!?"

WHAT THE FUCK?! Geez! You got startled there, you moved back some from her darting so close. "U-ummm… I dunno"

"You're not even gonna guess?" Pinkie looked disappointed in you not joining along.

"Uhhhhh, I dunno Ponk. Uhhhh. You got a new balloon? something?"

Pinkie shook her head "No silly! This is about your party! I figured out what the theme is. In fact, I got your whole party planned out in my head!"

Well shit, that was quick. And made you curious. It was probably something childish. But hey, It's Pinkie. so It's no doubt also endearing. "What is it?"

Pinkie screeched and jumped in excitement "SUPER AWESOME ORPHANAGE PARTY! I got it all planned out. We invite your new friends, some random ponies, and all your old friends… no, ALL the ponies from your old orphanage! We mix and mingle, party games, food and drinks, all sorts of fun! And hopefully at the end. Not only will everypony will have had fun! But there might even be adoptions all around! Hehehe! Happy fun and families all around! Isn't that the greatest idea ever!"

Your pupils shrink, oh… oh no… nonononoono. " C-come again?"

She repeats herself. In the exact same fashion.

"O-oh. That's… That's what I thought you said."

NO. FUCK NO. THERE WAS NO ORPHANAGE! HOLY SHIT. MAYDAY, MAYDAY! ALERT ALERT! Shit. You couldn't even imagine what would happen if Pinkie found out. If she did, she'd tell Twilight. And then...

"P-ponk. Uhhh, I actually don't think that's a good idea. I'd rather it just be a small party. Or rather. How about we just forget the party. And uhhhhh. I dunno. Do something else? Maybe?"

"Something else?" Pinkie was confused, she was sure you'd love that idea "But Nonny. Everypony likes a party. And your old and new friends would all be there. Isn't that great? ...Nonny?" Pinkie started to feel a sense of despair. This was different. She never ran into someone so young who didn't want one of her parties.

You cringe. All she wanted to do was do you right. And give you an awesome party. But you knew you couldn't let her do it. "I'd uh. What I meant to say was. How about a party that doesn't involve the orphanage. It can still be fun"

Pinkie was confused, but, it only took her a moment to come to her own realization. "Anon… Don't you have any friends from the orphanage?"

Oh shit. She called you by your actual name. You had no choice. You had to lie to her. If you didn't. You were fucked. You looked into those sad, beautiful blue eyes. They were filling with tears. Friendlessness. At least to Pinkie, must have been a fate worse than death.

You'd have to get over it. This lie was just to deter her. It wasn't to manipulate her. It'll be fine. That's what you tell yourself. "Yeah..."

You look down, and make the most depressingly, terribly, emotionally, sad expression you can make. "I never made any friends. Everypony there. They hated me. They called me a loser. That I'd never amount to anything. They bullied me. Not one pony ever came to help me. Not even the adults. Every one of them just let me suffer. I sometimes wouldn't even eat because I was so lonely. They even tricked me into friendship. And when I was at my most happiest. They tossed rocks at me and told me I was stupid to believe I'd ever have a friend… And then. Well, Discord happened. I guess he saw something in me they didn't"

Perfect, right out of some edgy OC story.

Maybe too perfect. Pinkie couldn't contain herself. She broke down hard. She was crying. Maybe your story was a little too edgy. It poked a hole right in her mane. It began to deflate.

"T-t-tnnmmnnbb.. t-tha...WAHHHHHH!!!!" She couldn't even speak.

You monster. Even if what you said had some semblance of truth. But only some. "P-ponk. H-hey, it's alright. I mean, ever since I came to Ponyville. Things got better for me. I have friends, a family, and all that good stuff. It'll be fine. We can come up with something else."

You felt like a heel. Seeing her cry for you like that. It made you feel a little sick in your stomach. No matter what, chaos really did seem to follow you wherever you went.

Pinkie couldn't stop. The very idea that anypony was treated that horribly. Especially so young. Hit her at her core. You needed something sappy. And while you did come up with something. It wasn't a lie. It was something you felt was true.

"Ponk… please don't cry" You try hugging onto her "I'm really happy now. I'm happy I've got new friends. I'm happy that I'm in a good home. And you Ponk, I only ever met you once before. And you remembered our nick names. And you spent all that time just wanting to throw me a party and make me smile. You saw me as a friend the moment you laid eyes on me. Ponk, I can honestly say. That I never felt such a wonderful feeling. Even if it was initially a li-" You cut yourself off from saying "little creepy". "Ahrm. Anyway. Ponk, to me, you really are best pony. Ponyville is my home. And I'm glad for the friends I have"

Pinkie must have heard that. Her sobbing started to slow. She turned a little to face you. And embraced you in a hug as she sobbed slowly. Her mane didn't puff back up though. "Nonny, if you ever ever ever ever ever ever need a friend. At anytime. I'll be there. You just come to Sugarcube Corner and ask for me. And I'll be there in a jiffy."

You felt guilty, you had to hide your face in her side. You just guilt tripped your way into getting closer with your favorite pony. This was not at all how you'd imagined it. There was no fun to be had, no endless parties and cake. But what else could you do? You couldn't let her reach the orphanage that never actually existed. And she was still hurting inside, completely wrapped up in your story. "Thanks Ponk..."

"Hey Nonny" Pinkie hugs you a little more firmly, she wipes her tears, and looks up to the sky. "Do you have any dreams that you ever wanted to come true?"

It sort of already did. You were in Equestria. And although you couldn't have your waifu as a wife. She was at least your friend. "It already came true Ponk. I'm just happy to be here, for better and for worse."

Despite those words, you couldn't shake your guilt. Though, after those words. You could feel Pinkie's mane slowly inflating around you. "That makes me happy Nonny. Do you want to know my dream?"

You did, whatever Pinkie's dream was. You could bet it was really uplifting. "Sure Ponk"

"Well, my dream is to make everypony in Equestria happy. And for there to be no more fighting or meanness or bad feelings. I even want the bad guys to smile, to be happy, and for everypony to be friends with everypony else. Twilight told me once that it was a very nice dream, that she would like everypony to be friends too. But she also said that some ponies don't want to be friends, and just want to do bad things. I guess that makes my dream kind of silly huh?"


You raise your head, no, that wasn't silly. That wasn't silly at all. Not from her! "No Ponk! That's the best dream anypony could ever dream. I think it's the sweetest thing I've ever heard." Or at least, the most genuine, considering who it came from.

Pinkie giggled a little from your words. You wondered what she found funny. Though, you were also glad she was ok. "What's funny?"

Pinkie nuzzled you close to her, and smiled "You know Nonny? You're really weird. I've seen you a lot of times. I've been trying to learn about you the best I can. And I know you can be a bit of a potty mouth, and cause a little trouble. But that's what's really neat about you. Because you also try to do the right thing. You saved a filly, you got Rarity a whole bunch of those gem thingies, and you actually think my dream is a good dream. You're a good pony. And super unique. You've even made Discord a nicer guy. That's some serious cupcake points!"

Cupcake points. hahahaha, that's cute. hrn. You know, that wasn't all a lie. Despite the hero thing being false. You did do those other things. And, despite Discord being a douche. He was being nicer. At least to you… sometimes.

You felt better, if probably only from Pinkie's cuddles and endearing praise. "So Nonny, I guess I'll ask you this then. Do you want a party at all? I don't want you to feel pressured into having one. We can just hold off if you really want to. And then, when you do want a party. You can come to me, and we'll plan the most awesomest party ever! Whatever you want it to be, and anypony you want to invite, I'll make it happen! So you better go make more friends, ok! That way we can make the party super duper huge!"

Goddamn Ponk. You hold your tears in. But you couldn't help yourself in the snuggling department. You cuddled like no tomorrow "O-ok Ponk. The moment I want a party, I'll let you know."

Pinkie smiled a smile that could illuminate the sun. She then took a look around, and sniffed. and caught something awful. " Oh… and Nonny?"

"Y-yeah Ponk?"

"I think we should get up now, it's kinda stinky with all the garbage you knocked around"

...Oh shit. You raise your head, you didn't notice the garbage cans you knocked over spilled garbage,


You both decide to get up and clean up the immediate area. You may have been a little dirty minded. But actually dirty? Nah, fuck that.

"So whatcha gonna do now Nonny? Are you gonna try flying again?"

You nod. "Yeah, I just wanna get a little more practice in. I think I at least got hovering down. Here, see?" You flap your wings at the speed that got you off the ground. Hovering in place. "See? I just kind of have problems..." Suddenly, your wings change back to cardboard. "...moving? ...oh no"

You fall, head first to the ground. You put your front hooves downwards and close your eyes and prepare for the usual impact. But you don't hit the ground. You instead feel yourself get caught. And hugged onto a warm belly.

"Woooo that was a close one!" You open your eyes. Pinkie had flipped onto her back and caught you.

...Praise be Pinkie, You didn't want to suffer another hit. And dat belly. It was soft and warm.

"Thanks Pinkie." You look to your back. Yep, cardboard. You sigh. "Well, that's great. I guess the wings can only be on me for a certain amount of time too."

Pinkie thought to herself, then she carefully put you on her front hooves and held you up, and made wooshing noises.

Uhhhhhh… "Ponk, what are you doing?"

"I'm letting you fly again silly! So you can get that little extra practice you wanted!"

That was. Ugh… yeah, it was stupid. But, you felt your heart whine from that too. She was just trying to cheer you up. Yeah fuck it.

You put your legs out, and close your eyes, and pretend to fly. "Wooooooosh, wooosh!"

Pinkie giggled and joined along with you "Woooosh Wooosh!"

This went on for a little while longer before you felt a little too silly and asked to be put down. You looked up to the sky. The moon was up. It was time to go, you were getting tired. "Ponk, I think I'm gonna go. But, thanks for hanging out with me. And thanks for being my friend."

Pinkie couldn't help herself, she couldn't stop grinning. "You're really really welcome Nonny! Also, this is gonna sound weird. But I hope you don't get your Cutie Mark before we throw your first party."

That was a weird thing to say. "Why not? Wouldn't that be a thing to celebrate?"

Pinkie nods "Exactly, and with all the other things we haven't celebrated yet. I don't think I could contain myself. I'd be throwing a party right there, right then. Everypony would be invited."

Pinkie was really serious about this. Then again, you don't think she's ever had to hold off throwing a party. Especially for not so many reasons TO throw one. She was obsessive, no doubt.

"Well" You chuckle. "I guess we'll just have to see. But I'll brace for fun impact in case I suddenly get my Cutie Mark. Or my birthday. Right?"

Pinkie snickered sneakily "Ohhhhh, I was hiding that one in case that would have to be the reason I would at least have to throw a birthday party. You're pretty smart Nonny! But remember" Pinkie looked at you seriously, and poked your small chest fluff "Everypony at least gets one… no exceptions… ever" Pinkie giggled "Well, I guess if you were super evil that'd be the exception. But otherwise" She goes serious again and pokes you "No exceptions"

You laugh at that. "I gotcha. You take care Ponk, and pleasant dreams."

"You too Nonny! Oh, and if you want to know. Your wings were flashing for a little bit before they changed to cardboard"

They did? Well, you never looked back to notice. You'll have to remember the amount of time you generally kept them on as well. Or maybe… use your horn to make the transformation permanent on command. Yeah, fuck off Discord. You were going to have near perma wings. For sure.

You thanked Pinkie, and both had a big huge hug moment before Pinkie bounced back home. You walk to the fountain with that happy looking purple stone pony. And grab your map. Tossing it into the water. And return home.

Tomorrow was another day. As you thought about it. You wanted to hang out with Lyra and Bonbon again. But also wanted to get some flight training. Well, you could get both tomorrow. Rainbow Dash can't just avoid you if she wanted to since she owed you something. Well, you didn't know if she would. But you had a promise to cash in either way.

There was also the CMC. Tomorrow was going to be kind of busy. You also wanted to hang with Pinkie again too. Maybe you could get her to come with you to Bonbon's so all four of you could hang. She most likely knows them. Though, you wondered if she knew of Agent "Sweetie Drops".

As for you and Discord. You weren't super mad at him. And wanted to hang with him too. But, he was more of the shot caller whenever it came to that. Though, he better keep his word on him and you watching bugbutt get royally kicked. You wanted front row seats for that.

You stretch, hang up your saddle bag and hop into bed. Tomorrow really would be another day.

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